Friday, August 25, 2006

True Wife Confessions Department 56 ( which creeps me out more than you can know)

Confession #551

I don't think I can make it 322 more days without you. Please come home now. I'm afraid I'll do something stupid if I'm left alone much longer.

Confession #552

Even though we are on the same team, one of these days I am going to stop playing this game. Your business partner is toxic to our life. He is destroying your business, our marriage and even our children. If you don't do something to change this I am taking the girls and leaving you. I refuse to sit and watch this happen for very much longer. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone but I love our daughters more.

Confession #553

I am jealous of that out-of-state ex-girlfriend who talks to you all the time on your computer and sends you text messages over the phone. I know she's depressed and needs a shoulder to lean on, but I also I know she isn't over you. The only reason I never say anything to you about her is that I am still good friends with several men I used to date, some of whom live in town, and you never act jealous at all around me when I talk to them. I really appreciate that.

Confession #554

Our marriage license is not your license to pick your nose in front of me. We have only been married for a few years. Can't you at least try to pretend that you still want to impress me?

Confession #555

You know what bothers me even more than the fact that you don't brush your teeth before you come to bed at night? The fact that even though I've told you, repeatedly, that it turns me off when you try to kiss me with breath that still smells like the dinner we had three hours ago, you STILL don't brush your teeth before you come to bed at night. Telling me that your half-assed thirty seconds once a day brushing program is actually an improvement over the dental hygiene habits you practiced before you met me does not make me find your bad breath any sexier. And stop whining already about how many cavities you get. You wouldn't get so many cavities if you brushed your teeth twice a day, fool.

Confession #556

I am really starting to resent that you never help me with the girls. I work just as hard as you during the day, I have just as much stress as you and yet on top of working 48 hours a week at a day job I am expected to do everything with our children. If I had known it was going to be this bad I might not have agreed to having children. Can't you just turn the damn TV off for one hour and put them to bed. Being a parent means putting your child'’s needs before your own. WAKE UP before it's too late.

Confession #557

You want to know why I roll my eyes every evening when you say you've got to go 'potty', as you put it? First off, I'm not two years can tell me you're going to take a dump, a crap, or 'going to the men's room'. Whatever. Secondly, you take longer to shit than any man I've ever known. Yes, I know you have a book in there that you're reading...but honestly, it is THAT interesting that you'll spend on hour pushing? I know women who have given birth to babies in less time it takes you to take a dump. I get annoyed because while you're in there reading and crapping, I'm trying to calm our child down-our child, who has not seen you all day and wants nothing more than to play with her father...except that he can't get off the shitter. Lastly, you have a's called Irritable Bowel. You get the urge to run and take a dump NO MATTER WHAT you eat. I could feel you dry bread and water, and you'd be jumping up and running into the bathroom...what is up with that? Go see a damn doctor!

Confession #558

That married man whose blog I read who I talk to all the time on the internet? The one whose marriage is in trouble? I really do just talk shop with him about parenting-related stuff most of the time. He did sort of hit on me, hesitantly, once. But I told him to go hit on his wife instead. I would never cheat on you. Not even virtually.

Confession #559

I hate your daughter! There...I said it! I think you know it, too. But it was so nice to finally, after 11 years, tell me that you don't understand why she treats me so bad b/c atleast you see me trying to be nice to her and do the right thing. Finally, instead of making it all my fault. Finally, instead of saying "you're the adult, she's a child" b/c she is NOT a child anymore and hasn't been for a while. Finally, instead of thinking if you acknowledge my feelings you are encouraging me to hate her more. Finally, you confirm what I already knew. She hates me more!

Thank you for saying out loud that nothing I do is good enough for her & she is wrong to hold a grudge against me. Thank you for acknowledging that she only pretends to care about our children, her half siblings. Thank you for admitting she is in the wrong and doesn't give a crap about any of us, not even you.

WOW....I guess I'm not crazy and was right all along. I'm sorry for you that your daughter acts & feels that way. You deserve better and I deserve that you are finally admitting it.

Confession #560

Well, I've had some time to really think about what I want to say to you. And what could I possibly say that would make anything be different? Nothing.

Just, nothing. This situation is not one I can fix. Not now, not ever.

So, just a few choice points:

1. I'm glad you are sorry. I hope that works out for you, really I do. Sorry is a wonderful thing- for the person who has something to be sorry about. Even though you're sorry, I'm still alone and screwed over and hurt and all of those wonderful things. Sorry doesn't do shit for me. It never will. So, OK. Be sorry. Be sorry as much as you want. I really don't care.

2. I don't care if you think you are doing the "right" thing. You are no martyr. What you deem the "right" thing has still hurt me. End of story. Is hurting me the right thing to do? Is it really? Then your version of right is totally fucked up.

3. We aren't friends. We will never be friends. We have never been friends. I TOLD you from the very beginning there is no middle with me. I either love you or I hate you for hurting me. What made you think you would be the exception? None of the people I call my friends would ever hurt me as much as you have been able to hurt me so far. Get that idea out of your head right now. Bury it, do whatever you have to do. I will not sit here and torture myself by attempting to be "just friends". Damn you for thinking we could ever be friends.

God. Just - god. I feel like an idiot. For thinking that I ever mattered to you for one. For ever believing in you in the first place. For thinking that you could possibly be capable of looking out for my interests when all you really cared about was making sure that you didn't have to take any risks for anyone, ever. You waited until I trusted you completely, then you kicked me in the face.

And therein lays the deepest cut of all.

I get to live the rest of my life thinking I wasn't worth it in the end. I wasn't worth the trouble, the risk, the time, I was worth nothing. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you have a concept of the amount of damage you have done? I don't think you do. This isn't fixable. To think you are justified in screwing with me in this manner is totally unforgivable. I will not forgive you for this- not soon, if ever. ACTIONS matter. Not words. You can flatter me all you want, you can say whatever your brain comes up with, but the bottom line is that your actions did not line up with any of it.

So I'm left here, alone, to think about all of this. To wonder why. To figure out what in the hell I ever did to you to deserve any of this.

In my best interest, leave me alone. Don't call me. Don't write to me, just go away. Hang out with your wife, figure out what you want, just leave me out of it. I'm done.


Anonymous said...

560 - are we supposed to feel sorry for you? You are writing a letter as if you were his wife! She is the one who should be "hurt". Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Yah, 10:32 is right. You want sympathy because your affair didn't turn out the way you wanted? You're what.....Angry because he won't leave his wife, because he is thinking about doing the right thing and staying with his wife and maybe children? That's not even close to being a martyr as you put it. Seems maybe he saw the light and decided his marriage(and maybe his children) were more important than you. Sorry, no pity party for you here.

pyrrhadox said...

A little quick on the judgement, aren't we? You don't know the whole story any more than I do. Maybe he was seeing two women, decided to marry one, and we're hearing from the one who was dumped. Maybe he lied to her about being married until recently. Or maybe she's a manipulative, home-wrecking bitch. But you and I will never know.

I seriously doubt that you anonymous criticisms will catalyze any positive change. Perhaps you don't understand the point of this blog - I suggest reading the FAQ. She wasn't asking for pity, and you aren't expected to agree with her. But for goodness sake, don't kick the woman while she's down.

Anonymous said...

10:32 and 10:51 --

please consider the possiblity that 560 didn't know he was married.

that's the first thing I thought of when i saw the word "wife" come up in her story.

Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like she knew exactly what she was doing talking about not being worth the risks and go hang out with your wife and figure out what you want. We aren't quick on the judgement, sounds like she was too quick to jump into bed with married man. Get a life and quit criticizing other peoples comments. I can take whatever meaning out of whatever I read and comment whatever and whenever I want. Like I said get a life and go push your words of wisdom on people who actually give a shit what you think.

Anonymous said...

pyrrhadox maybe you should read the FAQ again.

Anonymous said...

uh-oh, hear an angry lynch mob coming.

Anonymous said...

I think 560's post is sad. I don't think it's the kind of post that would make you think she is "the other woman" or that she is asking for pity. Perhaps the wife is an ex or someone she didn't know about. I don't think she should be condemned based on her post. Sounds to me like she is the one who got screwed over.

Anonymous said...

All I got outta 560's post was that she was angry at him for not choosing her. Angry, Angry, Angry!

Anonymous said...

Just because she is the other woman doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings, or that she wasn't manipulated and mistreated.

Maybe she didn't know he was married, but even if she did...we all make mistakes. We all believe things against our better judgement (like, his wife is a horrible demanding shrew and he's going to leave her just as soon as....)when we are in love.

I feel badly for anyone who is the victim of a lying manipulative bastard who thinks with his prick.

Anonymous said...

I was quite touched by 560's letter. Having been in (recently and still) love with someone who you may not be married to can be heartbreaking...even when you resist the temptation to ACT on the desire, it cuts as deep. And when the other person emotionally lures you further in? Awful. You don't have to be fucking someone to be hurt by their dessertion.

Especially if yu have been on this road with them, and they have brought you back in , so you are sure you are wiser for the last time...until you find yourself right there again.

And ladies, let's face it - there are LOTS of men ( and women) having emotional affairs under the noses of their spouses. I can assure you.

Just as there are terrible husbands, there are terrible wives. No one except the two people in the relationship know the truth for sure - and even then, you can get two very different stories.

We don't always marry the right person, as we have seen from this blog....

Anonymous said...

But an emotional affair is not cheating. "She's just a good friend who understands my problems."

Cheaters and homewreckers deserve what they get. 560 is just lucky she didn't get shot by a jealous wife.

Anonymous said...

Well put 5:03. I don't care what she knew and what she didn't know. Cheaters and homewreckers deserve what they get whether they are having an emotional affair or a physical one. cheating is cheating! Just remember....comes around goes around. Karma will get you if the cheated on spouse doesn't.

Anonymous said...

If 560 really did not know this man was married or if he left her to marry someone else, then I do feel sorry for her. If she was the other woman and knew it all along.....well I hope she continues to hurt for a good long time. Yep, everyone makes mistakes, but all mistakes are not equal. Some mistakes you have to pay for. The prison system is full of people who are paying for their mistakes. I, for one, think they deserve to be there. Maybe her pain will make her think twice before she hooks up with another married man. I don't think we can depend on her concience. It does not look like she has one.

Think I sound harsh? Harsh is the sound of a three year-old little girl who wakes up screaming for her Daddy in the middle of the night and just keeps on screaming because Daddy is in the bed of his cheap slut instead of being home. If this woman has knowingly slept with a married man I hope she hurts for the rest of her life. It is no less than she deserves.

Anonymous said...

Uh....hi. 560 here. I'm glad there are so many different takes on this. I'm not offended in the least by anything that has been said- everyone has a right to their own feelings, no "should feel" about it. In my version of events: This was a married man who swore up and down his marriage was all over but the paperwork. Only, it turns out he was using me against his wife- to strike the fear into her that he'd leave, so she'd shape up. Once she started "behaving" (so to speak) he didn't need me anymore, if he ever did to begin with. He got what he wanted out of the deal, he got his ego stroked,so, take it for what you will. As always, there's more than one side to every story. He lived across the country, so no sleeping together of any kind or anything physical ever happened. And no, there were no children. In the end, I feel sorry for his wife, yes she should be hurt, and I learned a lot. I'm starting to doubt she was as big of a shrew as he claimed. The "martyr" bit was in reference to an e-mail he sent. Do you think i'll trust a married man ever again? No. I won't. But, i'm sure there are people out there such as anon. 10:32, 10:51, 5:03 and 5:13 who don't believe that for whatever reason. I'm ok with that. I said my piece, I got feedback, and i'm ready and willing to move on from this awful experience.
There's a bit of truth in ALL of the comments that have been put forth here, and I appreciate that, whether I am liked, pitied, or loathed. Maybe I got what I "deserved", maybe he did, too, but that isn't for anyone else to judge. What matters (to me) is that I am moving along...

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:33 here:

I beg to differ 5:03,
an emotional affair is VERY much cheating.

Ask all the people who have discovered their signifigant other having one of these if they feel betrayed, and I suspect the answer is Yes. You don't have to have the sex to have the love.

An affair is an affair. And Blowjobs are sex.

Anonymous said...

I think 5:03 was being facetious about the emotional affair thing. She's actually agreeing with you. And 560 the way you explain it it actually makes you sound worse. So you knew he was married and was using you to "shape up his wife?" I'd hate to call you my friend especially if I was having marital problems.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting, 560. As I continued to read comments here I was thinking about posting that you could possibly leave a comment for us, and you did.

I'm sorry you were mislead or tricked. I think when it concerns an affair, everyone always feel bad for the person who was cheated on - but I feel there are 3 sides to every story. His, hers, and the "other"s. I'm sorry you went through shit. I hope that posting on this website has been cathartic for you, even with all the unneccesary accusations.

Be well.

Anonymous said...

No, the figuring out he was using me came later.. thanks for the comment!

Anonymous said...

I’m 5:03. It was a sarcastic remark.

When I found out about the emotional affair I was accused of snooping and invasion of privacy. I was told that snooping was an unforgivable violation of trust. I was accused of being the crazy one. What’s worse is that I started to believe I was crazy and paranoid for blaming my divorce on a “friendship.”

I was also told that it wasn’t cheating because they didn’t do anything physical until after we separated. I know the emotional affair caused the divorce. I don’t think I will ever be capable of a trusting relationship again.

I think it’s actually more destructive than a one time only one night stand.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that (and that I didn't pick up on the sarcasm). I hope you can trust again, one day. I can see how it would be considered more destructive. Despite people's very strong opinions on the matter, it isn't a mistake I care to repeat. And thank you, kat, for your kind words -560

Anonymous said...

I have been the "other woman", the slut, whore, home wrecker. I am married to a great guy and the love of my life is married to someone else. Both of us made the discision to remain with our spouses, children and families. We did the "right" thing. I live with the pain, guilt and unhappiness everyday. Don't be so quick to just never know.

Anonymous said...

let's all please try to remember that for every homewrecking whore, there's an equally guilty sonofabitch who doesn't deserve the wife he's screwing over.

i just hate seeing women always blaming each other while the asshole whose dick was getting stroked gets off scott free.

Dawn said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Here, Here! Hard to feel sorry for all these men who were so innocently lured away by these homewreaking whores.

What's a penis to do?

Anonymous said...

7:40, as a woman confident in my marriage and who has self respect...I DO KNOW! I would never compromise my life like that. I have self control thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

I would have said the very same thing...until 5 months ago when the man I was very much in love with prior to my husband came back into my life.

The words aren't so tasty now.

Anonymous said...

Hey Dawn,
Are you talking about the Christmas (Halloween, etc) decoration stuff? Cause that is some creepy shit!

Anonymous said...

9:04- Good for you, glad you have it all figured out. Are you reading this blog because your marriage is so perfect??

Anonymous said...

"Do you think i'll trust a married man ever again?"

Um, 560- are married men all you go after?

Wives, lock up your husbands.

Anonymous said...

I am a child of a cheating mother. Not in childhood (that I know of), but in very young adulthood. She chose to stay with my stepfather after he begged and refused to simply surrender my then 9 year old brother to her and the other man, whom was also married with children. (It is more complicated than this, but would take far too long to explain.)

Even though she stayed, things have never been the same. Not between her and my step dad (THE most forgiving man I know.), but between her and me. The knowledge that she chose her own desires over the wellbeing of everyone in our family still rocks me today, years later, as a married woman. I love her, but I will never view her the same way again. I forgive her, but I will never feel that I can totally trust what she is saying to me again. Because of her actions, myself and the members of my family who know of the affair will forever have to make sure my brother doesn't find out what my mother did. To protect her in the eyes of her child. As if it is our responsibility.

Cheating ruins lives. Period. It affects so much more than yourself, and it's beyond narcissistic to think that it does not affect other people.

And it is not a statement of perfection to say that you will never cheat. I know I will not, not because of my guiltless living, but because of my choices. Affairs do not just happen. They happen as little lies, glances, and moral slights slowly become acceptable. I am committed that no matter what, I will be wholly committed to my husband. Not because I am perfect, but because I choose to be committed only to him, and not to another man who can fulfill my selfish and insecure desires.

Anonymous said...

9:04 here, no 11:10 i'm reading this blog for entertainment and the likes. I never said I had it all figured out. But like 11:38, I know that I am forever committed to my husband, my children and my marriage and I would never take the happiness of all the people around me and squash it for my own desires. I can confidently say that. Doesn't sound to me like you can and your not happy about that. Like 11:38 there were cheaters in my family growing up and I know it is not worth it. Why does it upset you that there are some women who can say that they absolutely know that they won't do that? My happy marriage isn't something that should upset YOU! Are you the other woman who can't get a man to leave his wife? 11:38 your input was great, so ditto!

Anonymous said...

9:47 it is your fault for letting that man back into your life. Practice some self control.

SUEB0B said...

555 - with the not teeth brushing - I have been there. It killed my sex life, too. Men, get the picture. Stay in reasonable shape, help with the housework and brush your teeth and you, too, can have a fabulous sex life.

Anonymous said...

560- I know how you feel. I'm in the middle of the same situation, and I already know how it's going to end. He's going to propose to her because he's safe there. He's comfortable. Apparently, the last three years have meant nothing to him. And I'm just too ambitious, I have too many of my own goals and plans.

No matter what side you're on in these situations, it's tough. Don't let anybody tell you you're the one who's wrong. HE'S the one doing wrong.

Anonymous said...

Yes, 11:31. It's never your fault. You just keep playing the victim and you will end up alone every time.
Have you ever thought that maybe these men truly love their families and wives and are telling you all of this bullshit so they can fuck you? If they really, truly loved YOU, then guess where they would be laying their heads down every night? If they truly loved you, they would be with you, out in public, living a life with you. Face facts, all you idiots who believe the "she doesn't understand me" line of crap; you are second, and you will be the loser of his little game. And you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Anonymous said...

so, 12:02, let me guess that you're the wife who forgave your scumbag cheating husband and still blames it on the girl who feel for him, and felt for him, and wanted to belive his lines?

there is no winner in the situation. but can you honestly blame someone for falling for it? who doesn't want to feel wanted? i just don't think you should be placing all the blame on the woman who feel for it and NOT the man who deceived her.

Anonymous said...

I don't think everybody is dumping on the woman who had no clue. We are not blaming the very young, naive, stoooopid little girls. It's the homewreckers who know(whether it be now or later) that the man they are pursuing a relationship with is married, has children and a life. The ones that simply are out for "I" and "I" only. It's the ones who can't get over it when they do find out they are married. Aren't you women turned off by a man who would do that to another woman, a woman he says he loves and marries and has children with. What makes him capable of all of a sudden loving you and not loving his wife? Something is very wrong with that. Haven't you ever heard of you lose "em how you get "em? It's the women who lie and cheat and who base their relationships on these morals that we are dumping on. And then these women are pissed when they can't get what they want when it wasn't theirs to begin with. As for the men....Ladies we all know that we are far superior in the common sense department. They are followers and feel the need to be accepted, loved and wanted. They are ignorant, narcissistic, hedonistic and can come up with some sexual excuse for any immoral thing they want to do(i.e. Porn, cheating, strip clubs....etc.) It's very sad when a woman who knows that a man is taken doesn't care and plays it. Even sadder is how fast a man forgets what he has for younger, or prettier, or kinkier, or the hornier. I don't blame the wife that got cheated on and resent the fact that you would have the nerve to. She has every right to want revenge. She has every right to be so angry she can't see straight. Especially if there are children involved. And she has EVERY right to be angry at THE OTHER WOMAN! Don't play this down by blaming the victim, it makes you sound like you are one of those homewreckers.

Dawn said...

Yes Beth, I find it all to be....creepy.

Anonymous said...

No one is saying the cheated-on spouse deserves the blame, I don't think. What people are saying is that to blame the other woman (or other man) is to allow the cheating spouse a pass. It's not the other party who is breaking a vow - that other party has no duty to the spouse - the cheating spouse does. Granted, it's not "nice" of the other wo/man, but it's not the other wo/man's responsibility to keep marriage vows made by someone else. Calling the other wo/man a "slut, homewrecker, etc." takes blame off the person who deserves it - the one who cheated.

Anonymous said...

7:49 PM

THANK YOU! I am SO SICK of the husbands ALWAYS escaping the blame - for whatever reason women ALWAYS blame the other woman, we always blame each other, and the man gets off relatively scot free. I would LOVE to say "women, we have to stick together, we have to place the blame where it belongs, on the man" - but I know that will never happen. For some reason we always prefer to blame each other. DON'T GET ME WRONG - I am not saying the "other woman" or "other man" deserves NO blame, but as 7:49 said, the person IN the marriage has the duty to his or her spouse. Sure, we'd love for the "other man/woman" to stay away, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY we'd love for the married person to not stray in the FIRST PLACE. And if he/she DOES, BLAME THEM. THEY are the ones who violated the vows.

Anonymous said...

No, 12:31, my husband (as far as I know) has never cheated on me. He's not the lying scumbag kind. I totally blame both parties for cheating. People make choices in life, and there is really nobody to blame or to congratulate for those choices but themselves. Women who fall for married men are
asking for trouble, and like I said, are being used for one thing and one thing only; otherwise the guy would be out and about with her, not furtively screwing her in some fleabag motel. There is a real self-respect problem in women who settle for that shit. Deal with it and move on.

Anonymous said...

551-hang on it does get better I PROMISE! i was in your shoes. i'm down to t-26 days till my husband comes home from iraq it does suck i swear it does but it does get better some days will go by fast as shit some days will drag ass BUT JUST KEEP YOUR CHIN UP! Distance between two hearts is not an obsticle but a reminder of how great true love is.

Anonymous said... it was an internet thing? honestly, how did you expect it to end?

one in the hand is worth two in the 'net

a guy in florida