Tuesday, August 28, 2007

True Wife Confessions 204 - request recieved...no response

Confession #2031

One of the reasons I want you to talk or moan or make some kind of noise during sex is because I need reassurance that you are YOU—my husband. I need to be reminded that you are not the man who abused me. Over the past 2 years, I’ve secretly been having flashbacks to the abuse during sex. I’m not quite sure why. The abuse was 20 years ago and I hadn’t had a problem with it at all until fairly recently. I’ve gotten pretty good at reminding myself in that moment that I’m with someone I love and trust. Usually, I can let it go once I recognize what’s going on. I haven’t told you because I already have a stronger libido than you. So I don’t want you shying away from sex even more because you worry that I’m being reminded of him. I want you to talk in part because your voice reminds me that you are you. You are safe. But you just won’t say a word. Why is it so difficult to freaking talk? I don’t want to have to rehash my abuse story yet again. Why can’t you just speak or moan or something simply because I’ve made it clear I want/need it? I’m not asking for a lot. Something as simple as moaning during sex can help keep me in the moment. I don’t understand why you won’t do it.

Confession #2032

I am flabbergasted.I have the most wonderful
husband.He is everything any woman would want in a
man.He actually knows how to run the washing
machine,dryer,vacuum and pretty much anything else in
the house.He is my best friend,lover and mechanic all
rolled into one.He drinks a little but I can
understand that...I am no longer complaining after
checking out this site....

Confession #2033

People say that love hits you right when you're not looking for it.
I shut myself off because I have dealt with enough heartbreak. I've selflessly given myself to love over and over again, and each and every time love has given me the cold shoulder.
My relationships have all ended shiteously. I've given up. There are only so many times that you can try only to have yourself fail. To know that there's no one else to pick you up and dust you off. To know that you and you alone did this to yourself. To know that your heart is becoming harder and harder to piece together because it's broken so many times before.
There's only so many times that I can allow myself to be hurt. That is why I cannot dive in and be with you. You'll leave in September and I'll be alone and eventually you'll call and tell me that it's over. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. You will meet so many people when you're gone and I'll be standing here trying not to think about you.
I admit that I do care about you. I like you very much. My friends say that it's love, but then again, my friends say a lot of things.
I wish that I could throw caution to the wind like I used to and allow myself to be held in your arms and to give into the temptation to kiss those lips.
But I can't, anymore. I've been there and I've done that and I know how it turns out. I will not allow myself to be hurt-especially by you.
I can't let you become yet another villain in my complex history. I'd rather you be the friend who could've been something more. The friend who knew better than to stay in one place. The friend who truly made something of himself and did something with his life.
So, however tempting your offer may be, I cannot accept it.
Forget what could've been. Forget that we have a lot in common. Forget that we say the same things at the same time and that we love to argue with each other and playfully call each other names. Forget the time when we spent the day together, just talking and lying in the grass watching the clouds go by. Forget that you admitted that you love me.
Those memories won't serve any of us any good.

Confession #2034

I met someone on the internet a couple of months ago and we're now having an affair. It's not that emotional, it's not that involved...but it's intense and it's great. He's not smarter than you, he's not funnier than you....but his body is incredible and he makes me feel like a goddess. I'll end it at some point....but not for now...because he's giving me what you seem to not care about anymore...passion and tenderness...and a good lay.

Confession #2035

When I met u I never wanted to go out with u because I just came out of a harsh divorce. You constantly called me and insisted that we go out. I finally agreed. I had the time of my life dating u. U were my everything. U gave me a reason to smile again. Not a day went by u didn't profess your love to me. Not a day went by without u wanting to spend time with me. I fell so much in love with u. U insisted that i move in with u. I did,then everything changed. I sold my first car i had n bought a new car for u when yours crashed. Just so u would have. I didn't mind traveling through sun or rain to get to work. I gave up my home and family just to be with u. U lost your job and I still stood by you. Paying all the bills, taking care of your daughter while u lied to me telling me you were looking for a job when in truth u were joyriding in the car I bought u with other women.
Taking them out and having the time of your life and somehow you could never have time for me or your own daughter. Endless lies you told me when you would disappear night after night for hours with only one excuse"I was with my friends". When you finally got a job, the thoughtless insults started. When you thought you could stand on your own and had no use for me anymore you had the nerve to tell me to leave and its all my fault. Night upon night I would cry because you hurt me so much. I was a fool to trust you. To give up everything I had for you. Now I have nothing. I'm strong and I will survive this even though I still live with the pain. I regret ever meeting you, however it taught me a valuable lesson about love and trust.I hate you so much for hurting me. I'm a good person wit a good heart and you took advantage of that.Every tear that I cried rests upon you and I know one day you will reap what you sow.

Confession #2036

We don't always have the greatest 'go' of things - we definitely have our share of 'fun' arguments...

I don't always like you or myself...

but I love you always. Thank you for the roses and lime soda.

Confession #2037

Today is our 8 year anniversary...sometimes I hate you.

Confession #2038

Thank you for being happy that my mom is here visiting. Thank you for giving us some time to spend together. Thank you for not being resentful of all her little projects. Thank you for liking her.

Confession #2039

I am still a little pissed off at you. A month later and the breakup is still a little bit raw. However, I have come to the place where I can finally say “Thank you.” I wanted you to be “the one.” You weren’t. That is not any more your fault than it is mine. I know we were meant to be, we just weren’t meant to be forever. You were the perfect first boyfriend after my divorce. You helped me to rebuild my shattered ego and I will always be grateful. You left me better than you found me and I hope you feel the same about my impact on you. My memories of our time are bittersweet, but the bitter is fading even after this short time. You are a wonderful man and I will always think of you as one of the best people I have ever known. I hope you find what you are looking for in life. You deserve the best. I hope we can someday be friends…well, we may want to wait another few months to let me (and I imagine you too) finish getting over this part. I hope that someday our paths will cross again and we can embrace each other remembering only the good times. There were a lot of them. Go with God, Sweetheart.

Confession #2040

I found your blog today for a good reason. I feel like I am going crazy and falling into the cracks of a out of control train wreck. I have a difficult time still saying that train wreck is my life. Today I found out the domestic violence case against my soon to be ex-husband is going to be dismissed. It would have been dismissed today, if my victim’s advocate had not been there to get the new DA on the case to continue the trial one more time. The old DA would not dismiss the case, was pressing on, even though I asked for it to be dropped. The new guy, who has never spoken to me, decided he can not prove the case. I agree with the new guy, this fight was a minor one for us. He ran through the house breaking our pictures frames, ripping our family photos, then when I tried to stop him he threw me down, I still continued to go after him for some stupid reason, for the stupid pictures, that matter nothing at all, my six year old boy was chasing us around the whole time. What the fuck is that matter with me. I knew he would not calm down, so I called the police and they arrested him. They were not going to, even though it is a law, but that is good they can be human beings and make autonomous decisions. I was ok, with him just leaving, and I went to let my kids back into our crazy world and let them know the police were only just there to help us and not scary. On my way back with my boy, the cops said sorry, things had changed and could I send the kids back to the neighbors. My husband started telling the cops how big I am, look at her shoulders, she can take care of herself…..this is all according to the policeman, that told me to bring the kids back to my neighbors because he was going to arrest him, changed his mind, what kind of pussy says that, is what the police man told me he unofficially thought (kind of strange in itself that he felt telling me that was appropriate, but I did appreciate it at the time)…..so that was the first, in about three times, that the police have been called to our house and they actually took him away. I am 5’7” and 155 lbs. He is 6’4”, 210 lbs. I have been drawn into his game before though, it is has been way worse than the particular day he was arrested. It was tough, that day, but there were worse, choking, shoving to the ground, while holding my children, our children, spitting on me, throwing 2 x4s, hammers, televisions, kicking, throwing rocks, leaving me stranded places with no money, no phone, and no sing of him, calling me a cunt, thinking nothing of doing this in front of my mother, letting us down time and time again, saying I love you, my wife, my heart, my soul, I would do anything for you (and I figured out to me too)…you bitch. Where was my backbone for the last nine years (to be fair, it began 8 years ago, when we moved in together and had a planned pregnancy with our son). I am strong, beautiful, intelligent, caring, how the hell did I get wrapped up in acting like that, fighting back, allowing the fighting to go on, and on, and on. Now, I filed for divorce, I love him, I am so weak, I love him for the good person he is outside of this sickness. Though I can not explain even half of the awfulness, the mean spirited, disrespectful behavior, I grieve for my marriage and sometimes even wish I was still with him and things were different, even though I am scared of him and his unpredictability, if my kids were not around, I would be with him. Am I too damaged to see why I would still feel this love, I think I know myself, am self confident, am beautiful, sexy, loving, a good mother. Geez, the weight of things is sometimes so hard to take. I am tired and wait for each moment I fall upon that is something that makes things lighter. I feal cheated and stupid and furious and even stupider (and I know that is not a word). I have until Thursday now to be under the protection of the law and to make the decisions I need to make to most benefit my family. I pray that I make the right ones.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Confessions anyone?

Anyone? Anyone?

Send them in, my lovelies.


Monday, August 20, 2007

True Wife Confessions 203(M)...boom

Confession #2021

I'm eating half of a cold, leftover patty melt. And coffee. It's 9AM. I normally don't eat breakfast, but when I'm down, food is comforting.

Last night was miserable. We went to bed frustrated & distant. I, under the covers & you above. In my restless sleep I jerked & kicked- apparently hitting you, because I remember you irritably pushing my leg away. You said you didn't sleep at all- barely dreaming at 6AM only to be woken by my alarm an hour later. I hate this. It isn't us.

They say the first year is the hardest. Who are "they"? The same people that determine how a healthy relationship "should" be?

It's comforting to know that regardless of the bickering & frustration, there's never a question of love. You constantly assure me of this. Even in the middle of arguments, when we're on separate ends of the couch & tears are streaming down my face- you assure me that there's never uncertainty of your love or commitment. I've too have never questioned these things. It shames me that I have made you feel this way- when you are always so understanding of my needs. You're selfless & I'm stubborn.

Right now I'm being selfish. I know what I have to do to fix things yet I don't. It's me, not you- and that frustrates me. I'm so sorry. Making a change means stepping outside of my everyday routine- my comfort zone- and I've always had a problem with that. But it's not "me" anymore- it's "we". You're my everything, and it's time I started showing you. Words aren't enough.

We're growing. We're learning each other's needs & how individually we have to make changes- compromises- to coexist as a couple. I need to make more of an effort- not because it's what I "should" do, but because it's what I need to do- for us

Confession #2022

I KNOW that I didn't cause that wart on your dick, but I secretly hope that you have an STD and I don't. Our relationship has been way too toxic and I just want out. You said that if you "have something", we're done. I've tried breaking up with you so many times, but you always come begging back and my stupid ass takes you back. If you have something, which turns out you might have HPV, then you'll leave me for good.

BTW, I lied - I went out with a male friend of mine last night. Nothing happened, nothing ever happens between us. We've been friends for 3 years, and have blatantly agreed that there is no attraction to each other. However, due to your insecurities, it's easier to lie about where I was rather than to have yet another fight with you. I do love you, but the love we have isn't worth all this crap. I want out! I can almost taste the freedom.


your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend

Confession #2023

Here is a confession about something that i can't seem to shake. Six years ago, my daughter was born. I went into labor at 2 am when my water broke. You had been increasingly mean to me during my pregnancy; I had gestational diabetes and needed to exercise to keep my blood sugar low. I asked you to go for a walk with me, but since my hips had unhinged a little, it was hard for me to walk fast. So we walked around our housing development with me a few steps behind, then several steps, then there were several feet between us. I asked you to walk slower because I couldn't keep up, and you said "this is fine." I said that we weren't really walking together, and you said that we were. It made me feel crazy, and I never asked you to walk with me again.

So when my water broke, and I had contractions, I woke you up and asked you to take me to the hospital. You got mad at me waking you up, and wanted to go back to sleep. We had taken a childbirth class, and the teacher said that if your water broke you should go to the hospital, but that this didn't happen most of the time, and that if it hadn't, you should stay home "as long as possible." I reminded you about this, but you said that you didn't remember that, and we should "stay home as long as possible." So you went back to sleep. I walked around the house, wondering what I was going to do. I looked for the handout we got from the class so I could prove to you that we needed to go. I'm a professor, dumbshit, and I have pretty good reading comprehension. Since you never read a single book on pregnancy and babies but were sure you were right, I didn't have a lot of options. My contractions were getting harder, and I couldn't find the handout. So I reviewed an article that a colleague of mine wrote. i didn't know what else to do. It was too late to call anyone to pick me up, and i was afraid to drive.

So I waited until the contractions were pretty close together, and woke you up again and insisted that we go. So you finally drove me to the hospital. I had a thirty six hour labor, with almost no encouragement from you. When my daughter was born she looked right into my eyes, and she was so beautiful. I looked at her and knew that I was on my own, she and me. When I divorced you a year and a half later, it was because of her. I couldn't let her see you treat me with contempt and disrespect. When we moved and you made it clear that you never intended to look for a job or go back to work, I had no choice. Cheating on me with a stripper and contracting an STD didn't help either. I could have forgiven those if you hadn't constantly criticized me.

I am now married to a man who is ten years younger than me and the exact opposite of you. He loves me and my daughter and treats her better than you ever did. I just wish that I had never met you, and that i could forget what happened the night I gave birth to our daughter. I remember asking you to support her neck when she was a week old. You lunged at me and called me a "piehole" for daring to ask you to hold her differently. I thought you might hit me; she was in bed with me, and I laughed right in your face. I knew that you were weak then, and I was strong, even though I was still bleeding from giving birth. You harassed me for sex immediately after I had her, even though I needed to have vaginal repair surgery. When I had it, it was very painful. Yet you kept on demanding I give you sex. My husband now would never do that. when I asked you to stop during sex, because it hurt, you said "in a minute, I'm almost done" and kept on going until you were. It was years until I realized that not all men are like that in bed.

I hope that posting this will help me get over it. It's been five years and I think about these things at least once a week, sometimes more. My life now is so good, but I can't stop thinking about how you treated me, and why.

Confession #2024

Sweetie Pie,

In the two years since we broke up I have never stopped thinking about you and wandering why you weren't satisfied with me. Sometimes I think of you and smile but the smiles usually pass pretty quickly as I remember some of the horrible things you said and did to me. It's funny how when we were together I could see nothing but great things about you and now that it's over I can't remember what I loved about you and sometimes I even struggle to remember what you looked like. I always thought we had the best relationship in the world but in reality it was great when I made everything revolve around you. I was so afraid to express my unhappiness when things went wrong for fear of losing you.

I thought all I needed was an apology to be able to forgive you but the apology didn't change anything… I still stand in church every Sunday morning and pray for God to take away the anger I have for you. After two years, I have come to the conclusion that the only way I am going to have closure is for you to be unhappy. I pray that someday you will know how it feels to be so wrapped up in love that you are willing to set your on happiness, beliefs and expectations aside for your partners.

You are in many ways a good person, good friend and a dedicated police officer but you will never be an affectionate, trustworthy, faithful husband. It took me many years to realize that I wasn't the problem. You are the way you are and you will always require more attention than one woman can give.

Sometimes I forget how blessed I have been because I let the anger I have for you take over my emotions. I always try to remind myself that I was blessed to have known true love but I was even more blessed to have it taken away. I no longer lie awake at night worrying where you are, who you are with and why I am not good enough to carry your last name.

When I broke up with you I broke up with your family too…. Don't you think it's time for you to do the same with mine? My family may have forgiven you for hurting me but they will never forget the pain I went through before and after we broke up.

P.S. You told me on several occasions that I would never leave you… Well, I guess we both know how that ended! I was much stronger than you gave me credit for!

Confession #2025

My ex got pissed at me because he had to spend a day
in jail over child support. He had a warrant out for
his arrest because he didn't show up for a hearing. He
blamed me for it. I was partly to blame since I didn't
forward all of his mail to him after he moved out and
the hearing notification may have been in the mail I
tossed. I don't know. I didn't check. He should've
forwarded his mail the day he moved out instead of
three months later. But he still is at fault because
the hearing was about his non-payment of child support
and even if he had gone to the hearing, he probably
still would've been arrested because he hadn't paid
any child support in over a year. He chose not to work
and accepts cash jobs so that he doesn't have to
report his income. He hasn't filed his taxes in 4
years because the state takes his refund and gives it
to his ex. And he blamed me for his day in jail. I'm
just glad I didn't have kids with him.

Confession #2026

You called me your filthy fucking whore last night. I have been waiting
for two years to hear you call me your filthy dirty little slut. It was
better then I ever imagined it coming out of your mouth. You bit me and
marked me for what I am, YOUR dirty bitch. I love you so much, you know
how much. I apologized for being poetic last night, how silly. It's
true I would throw her to the dogs and watch her hurt for you, even
though I know you would never ask me to do that. I know that you want
me to be able to be with her, but it hurts you. As of this morning she
has been thrown to the dogs. You are everything to me, everything, if
you are not breathing I don't see how i could continue. If you are hurt
I am hurt. Words cannot possibly do justice to the feelings of awe, and
wonderment I feel for you, I know you don't feel the same towards
yourself but I wish you would. Everyone around you sees what a fucking
terrific man you are, what a terrific dad, and what a terrific partner
you are to me, everyone but you. I wish I could make you see yourself
how I see you, just for a moments time I would make you feel the depth
of my love for you, it would knock you on your ass.

You told me that after we had our son 9 weeks ago that I turn you on
more than I ever have in the past, thank you for saying that to me you
sexy beast. I want you home right now in our bed with your hands
yanking my hair back and the words,

"dirty nasty slut,"

sliding smoothly into my ear. I love you.

Confession #2027

You have lousy timing. You got me all hot and bothered and THEN told me that you didn't think we should have any more sex until we were married. I was so angry. I couldn't yell or even cry, I was so angry. It's been four months, but it feels much longer, and I am still going through withdrawal. But now, I am sort of glad that you made that decision for us. It means you're actually serious about being with me for a long time, and you don't want to mess it up. So...I wish I could tell you that at first I wanted to punch you in the face, but now I understand and I agree.

Confession #2028

you never touch me. we never have sex. i am lonely. i want to have an affair. i almost did today, but chickened out.i think i will see him friday.almost three years of marriage hasn't gotten him out of my head. we talk daily. we're both married now, but we still want each other. you don't fill that void. i married you because you are a good man, but there's no passion. i used to be confident and feel beautiful within myself, now i am self conscience and scared. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin. counseling hasn't worked, telling you how unhappy i am hasn't worked. maybe if you never find out about him you won't get hurt.

Confession #2029

Friend to Friend.

You and I have been friends/sisters for close to 20 years now.

You introduced me to my husband-(some days I could kill you for that) - you walked with me until my contractions were 4 minutes apart and begged me go to the doctor. You were RIGHT there when she came out- and laughed with me when my major concern was the smell of my lady parts – being spread open for the world to see. We have gone through so much together. You have raised two extremely successful young women on your own- and not a day goes by that they don’t hear in their heads, some quote, or some bit of advice that you have given them. Well, same goes for me. I know God was up to something when he crossed our paths that very day- and- since you and I have the best fun with this site, I wanted you and all the readers to know how very much I love and treasure our friendship. You were with me when I caught my first fish even. We both love life- from picking corn, to lily pad gazing, to ice cold beer in the can right down to karaoke nights 7 nights a week.

You know who you are- UU. I hope God blesses us with 20 more years of beer drinking, friend choppin, and knee slappin laughter.

Confession #2030

The other morning, as we were getting out of bed, you knelt down in front of me. You held my feet in your hands and kissed my toes. You looked up at me and told me how much you love me. Those are the moments when I know that you are the right man for me, despite all the complications of our lives.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Shedding Light

You know, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by this place.

On days when I am tired, or hormonal or one of a billion other things, I get my panties in a bunch and think,


... or when I get a nasty private email or comment or fight some real or imagined battle to defend this creation of mine, I think,

"ARGH! Why don't people GET it?"

and then sometimes, I get things which touch me. Deeply. In that last two weeks, I have gotten two private email/letters....and they have done just that.

I cannot express how your site has changed my life. I now know I am not alone in the world. I admire you so very much. Your intelligence and charisma show through in just your few posts that you give us! I love this site and you have NO idea how much you've changed me. You've made me giggle, cry, and commiserate with the other women.

My thank you's are NOT enough, but I hope you realize how much you've impacted my life. I wish we had MORE women like you!!

Thanks so much!

Rock on!

and this....

Hi Dawn,

This is not a confession as such but something I would like to share with your readers. It’s pretty long so edit it if you think it’s too long.

First up, I’m a husband and a dad who reads your site. So why am I posting ? I am posting to share with you how this site has changed my life. It’s a pretty long post so who want instant gratification may want to skip this one. This is just my experience and hopefully shows my gratitude to all those that have posted and commented.

I thought I had a pretty good life, married for nine years, 2 great kids, good job/income, nice home and friends, good sex life. I thought my wife was happy with her life too.

About 10 months ago I was surfing the net (probably looking for porn) and came across this site. Curious, I started to read the confessions from all the unhappy women and after a while something struck me. I was that guy that many you complain about.

I was selfish, I worked late, put my family priorities ahead of my wife’s, staying up late looking at porn, was lazy around the house and basically treat my wife like a cook, a maid, a babysitter. I never told her how beautiful she is, how I appreciate everything she does to keep the household running, asked how she felt and what she wanted from her life and basically if she is happy. We hardly had sex (maybe 10 times in a year since the birth of our second child) and it didn’t bother me.

I just assumed that she wanted to be a stay at home mother and because she is at home all day that she should look after the house, the cooking, cleaning, laundry, run errands, everything.

So after going through the confessions, I thought to myself, hang on, maybe she is not so happy, actually I think she has been telling me this but I have not been listening. We talked plenty before the kids arrived but not really since. Not blaming them, but I focused my home life on them rather than on her.

So I over the course of the next week, I stopped surfing for porn at night and actually sat down and talked to her. Guess what, she could have written half the confessions on the site word for word. She started by saying that though I was a good dad to the kids and a good provider, that was about it. She still loved me more than anything but it could not go on as it had been. Just about everything we talked about she had already been telling me, I just was not hearing it.

Turned out she did not want to be a SAHM all her life, once the kids were both at school she would like to return to work part time. She would like to go back to education to get a more satisfying job than before. It was not about money, it’s something that she wants to do for herself.

I listened to her about her views on my relationship with my family and ours friends which ended up with cancelling some stuff around holidays with them to spend more time on us. Once I explained to them why we cancelled every single one of them has been 110% supportive. In fact my parents told me that they had been concerned how much travelling we had been doing to see them and that we should have spent more time at home relaxing.

She was always aware of the porn and I have never hidden it from her. We sat down and went through it. Turned out she was bored with our sex life and wanted to try some different things and watching porn together has been one of those things. I still occasionally browse for it by myself which she knows but now it is never at the expense of spending time with the family now.

I have spoken to my work and basically stopped all overtime. I do have say that I am lucky that my work has a very generous work/life balance policy and they have also allowed me to work some flex time and this has allowed me to be at home by 4:30. Though my wife is a fantastic cook I do the cooking most nights, turned out I really like cooking and loved the time we spent together with her teaching me.

I have picked up a couple of other chores but she actually stops me doing all the ones that I could as just a few smalls changes have made a big difference to her. This has allowed her to relax in the evening and study again which has meant that when she comes to bed, she is not so tired any more. Not surprisingly I think we made love more times in one month then in the whole previous year combined.

I do have to say that of course she is not 100% happy, she still missing some romance and that is something that I am working on. There is still the snoring, dropping clothes around the house, blowing my nose in the shower and other things but we have the rest of our lives to work on these. She says the difference in the last year have felt like being married to a new man and all for the best. She no longer feels like a slave running the household but is now something she wants to do for us. She has really appreciated the effort I have made and in return I get extra favours from her including some in the bedroom.

I would like to think that my relationship and connection to my kids has also improved with the extra time I spend at home with them and with my wife and she says that she sees it in them when we play together and they way they talk about me when I am at work.

In fact I felt that this site has made such a difference to my life that I have passed the URL to all my friends and family.

Finally a plea to all those wives who had talked to their partners and not got through to them, please print this message out and show it to them. I urge their partners to read the confessions on the site, listen to your wife and take action. From my own experience my wife feels 100% happier for doing it and because she is happier, I have been happier.

Thanks Dawn, you have made a difference to least one wife with your site.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

True Wife Confessions 202 - the year Rome bans female gladiators

Confession #2011

You sorry ass son of a bitch. You cheated on me. Made me lose my business, have to sell my horse, move in with my parents in their dinky little 2 br trailer with my two boys. You defaulted on the student loans I cosigned for you, making it impossible for me to go back to school, get a car, rent a home, anything. But what did you care? You had your degree. You made threats against me to coerce me into taking back some of the criminal complaints I filed against you. My mom told me not to. But I was afraid of what you'd do if I didn't. You ignored our son, for years. And now? After 13 years of token child support, when it got raised to a real amount, you steal my child. You kidnap him, file for custody, lie to the courts, lie about me. You hacked my Yahoo profile and filled my blog with crap, then used it against me in court. And the judge believed you. Even though I could show where a long time ago I had notified Yahoo and my friends that my profile had been hacked and I couldn't get into it anymore. You got custody. I have to pay you child support. And then, as if your greed knows no bounds, you want to make sure my military disability check is included in my income. You kept your farm subsidy income out of the equation for your child support all those years. But you want a piece of my disability?


Confession #2012

We have been together for a very long time. I firmly believe that you are the love of my life. I have never felt this way about anyone before. There is one problem.....you are legally, a married man. You never see her, she doesnt live in this county, and you only talk to her with regards to your child. She even knows about me. But i hate this. I hate this little piece of paper that says you are joined to someone else. And it infuriates me that you do not see my point. You tell me..."what is the big deal...Im with you! Everyone knows we are together...I dont see her/ talk to her....she isnt in this country". I know a divorce costs money, and i realize that it isnt that easy with an international marriage. But i NEED it. I need the validation of knowing that I am it. There is no one else. I want to be your wife. I want to have babies with my HUSBAND. Until this happens, I will feel a step below her. Always. She has something that i dont-a husband, my boyfriend! I dont care if feelings are gone between you. -You are mine, and I am yours. And I dont want someone else mixed in. It may only be a piece of paper to you, but to me, in a way, its like she still has you, in a way that i cannot.

I love you more than life itself, but i dont know how much longer I can ignore the big pink elephant.

Confession #2013

I love you so much, Baby. A lot has changed since this time last year. I was posting here about wanting to be with the man we swapped with again. God am I glad we're past that and back to each other. Yeah, it was fun, but it was definately a one time only thing, thank God. I'm so glad I didn't pursue it. I have you girls here to thank largely for that. Thanks for the straight up advice and non judgment. Thanks, Dawn.

Confession #2014

Last evening, my darling husband (of almost 20 years) told me that he 'loves the person that I am."

Wow ~ what a compliment. I just melted.

Confession #2015

My confession is this -

To my dearest husband, I do love you ,your a good man, Our sex life has been down for a while now and i know i have told you that i love your dick but I lied . Its too small i didn't feel like it would be an issue. In the begining we were soo in lust i just didn't care... I have been sleeping with the neighbour for the past month, im soo sorry He came over to help me with the Cable box and I couldn't help but notice in his sweat pants that he was huge...You came home from work early last week and when i came home you said you heard the neighbours having sex and the girl must of climaxed 5 times.... that was me... When you fucked me the other night and you said i felt different and I felt horrible, I can't get him out of my head. I make him wear condoms but they often break I'm worried now cause i am pregnant now but can't bring myself to tell you... i hate myself for doing this...i am going to have an abortion... cause i dont want to hurt you but i can't stop...

Please forgive me

Confession #2016

When you hold me and kiss me and whisper that you love me and everything will be all right? I love you more than I can ever express. You are the missing piece to my puzzle. Thank you my love.

Confession #2017

You are not husband nor were you really my boyfriend but I did really think you were someone I could talk to and that you really wanted to know me.
However, because you insisted that you were working and left right after we had sex even though we both know you could have stayed if you wanted to, and because that wasn't the first time it happened but the third;
because you rarely call me, and when you do it's from your work phone and never from your house-- that you have never invited me to which makes me think you are either hiding a girlfriend or bodies-- not even after you fuck-and-leave to say "hey that was fun..let's get together ______";
because you clearly don't think enough of me to make plans with me more than 3 days in advance even though you know my fucking schedule with the kids (who you have never asked to meet);
because even though you make me completely crazy whenever I see you and even now the thought of kissing you makes me lose my mind and want to see you again, the last time you left I felt like you should have left money on my dresser;
because of these things I broke up with you yesterday-- on work e-mail.

Confession #2018

You know - you could act vaguely excited when I talk about my day. I don't expect a circus of enthusiasm - but a little ANYTHING other than your disinterested silence would be nice.

Confession #2019

I am in love with a man who makes me light up on the inside. I wish he were my husband.

Confession #2020

I remember when we first started talking. There was an instant spark between us. It was a few months before the drama of your ex-wife started. You did all you could to stop the drama I got that came from her. You are the best guy in the world. I love you with all my heart. You are the only guy that has ever cared about me and for that I thank you.

There are times though (because of the situation we have. I can't say much right now) where you say things and make it out that you have the worst life in the world. I'm sorry but you don't. I may not be there with you yet but your life is not as bad as you make it out to be. You also say words to me that hurt. You say you are trying to get through to me but in reality your making things worse. It's the reason why I am not sure if I want to be with you. The things you say push me away and make me rethink what I really want. If that is what you are going for, it's working. At this point I feel like I should just move somewhere and not tell anyone.

I have told you all this but I still get the same shitty comments from you. You may say you love me but it does not feel that way.

I don't know what to do...

Friday, August 10, 2007

True Wife Confession 201 stories of Anton Chekov

Confession #2001

August 1st would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. But I completely forgot about it until yesterday morning, a whole week later. I guess I really am over you!

Confession #2002


Since we are talking about separating, I want you to know why. For years…I have been the major bread winner in our family. It is my job that has the insurance. It is my job that allows us to keep our house and our cars and food on our table. Yes. You do work. And oh so hard, too. I am not mocking you. You do work hard. But you work a job that is completely below your abilities. You have the same college degree that I have. You are actually smarter than I am…yet you continue to work at this job year after fucking year…with no further ambition. We talk about this. If this were your son, you wouldn't want this for him. Why do you want it for you? I am so tired of being the one to worry about money and my job. God forbid something happen to me, we are only a paycheck away from homeless. I am the man and the woman in our relationship and for so long it has been something that I have just accepted. I can't do it any more. We have been over this and over it. I say "I'm not happy." You do nothing. Thanks. That makes me feel great. Please, let me keep bringing in the $ and have you disregard my needs at the same time. Oh. Yeah. You keep getting pissed off because I don't want to have sex…and then think that you are doing me a big fucking favor by not asking me all the time to have sex. FUCK OFF. You are happy with the way things are. You are happy in our current house. I want bigger. I don't want a mansion or a $400k house. I just want something with a bigger yard. I thought that was something that we both wanted…yet it seems I am the only one bothered by the fact that we are going NO WHERE towards that goal. We both drive Saturns. How much longer are we going to be able to cram the big one into the back seat? He is almost as tall as I am. However, we can't do anything there, either. I tried to make myself happy with what we have. I tried to fix things and paint things and you know what? It was a band aid, but it didn't fix the main problem.

We are going to couple's therapy this week. Guess what? I am not too optimistic. I think that you have something going on…probably depression. But if you won't get it fixed, I can't stay. I can't imagine that you are going to be too likely to do anything about this, because if you stay true to your habits, you won't do anything, unless I initiate it. The big problem I have is our kids. And really? Only the big one. He is going to be crushed. He is so damn sensitive and this will kill him. I only hope that when and if we do separate, that we can do it reasonably, and adult like. I don't hate you. That is the worst part. I just need more and you are not giving it to me. I know that your parents will be upset. I know that they will probably hate me. I am sure that my family will be disappointed as well. I just can't live my life worrying about what other people think, anymore. I want someone who is happy and full of life. You just sit there and watch life pass us by. If I had never planned our vacations, I doubt we would ever have gone anywhere.
I don't know what to do. Even this week…after we have talked about separating, hard core talking, I come home from work…to find the bed unmade.(really? Unmade.) clothes on the floor, trash needing to go out, and the cherry on top? UNDERWEAR behind the bathroom door. Do you know that when I cleaned the bathroom on Sunday, the only thing behind the door was your socks and UNDERWEAR. And…now it is only MONDAY…and already there is a new pair back there? I don't understand. I am NOT THE FUCKING MAID. How can we teach our kids to clean up after themselves, when YOU don't even do it. How do you think that the underwear get clean? Do they WALK to the washer? No. They don't. Oh. I know, you do laundry. How many times have I asked you to fold and put away what you do? More than a million? Yet, it still doesn't sink in. Instead, you wash and leave the clean/dry laundry in a basket to get wrinkled. I LOVE that. I really do.
It is about a million little things...and a few hundred big things...all rolled into one big emotional mess. I do hope that w hen this is all over…that we can be civil, maybe even friends. I just need more right now.



Confession #2003

Right after we got married, I wanted to divorce you. Thats how hurt I was by your actions. When I found the emails, that were sent back and forth between you two, I was disgusted, I wanted to kill you then kill myself for loving a liar. You were unapologetic, cold, and mean. I even went to see a lawyer (that you still dont know about) two weeks went by, and you finally apologized. It wasn't one of those "im sorry" and thats the end of it. Not only did you apologize, you wrote me a love letter, bought me white roses, and painted my toe nails, while I was sleeping. Which I thought was the most romantic thing you could ever do. A whole 2 months went by of me sleeping in our daughters room, before I would forgive you. When I forgave you, you cried. You told me how much you loved me, and that you would never do it again. Its been almost 2 years. And once a week, you buy me roses, write me a love letter, and paint my toenails, while im sleeping. I love you so much, you're a great father, a great husband and theres something you should know. Im pregnant! I can't tell you now because your birthday is next week, and thats my present to you. I know you'll love it

Confession #2004

You have hurt me in ways you can never imagine. You insist you want me to be happy, but you just continue with your silence. You’re home, but I feel so alone. I miss you more now than I ever did while you were deployed.

I know the war did this to you. I know we need to work through it. I know you’re still in there somewhere.

Sometimes, I feel so selfish, but I just don’t want to go through this again. We worked through this once before. I saw the signs this time. I begged you to get help. You not only refused, but hurt me so very deeply when you did.

So yeah, in some ways, I blame it on you this time. Yeah, I really shouldn’t, but you know you don’t feel right, yet you won’t get help. You make us all suffer rather than talk to someone. I can’t understand that. I don’t know if I can forgive that.

I made an appointment for us to see a therapist together. I pray this works. I pray you’re willing to put in the effort.

Through it all, I’ve wondered about leaving. I’ve wondered if I should just look for an affair. The attention is promising. I miss that so much. I cry myself to sleep because I feel ugly, alone and unloved. But the truth is, I want YOUR attention. I love you so much and I can’t imagine hurting you that way. I don’t want attention from some random man. I want to know YOU love me. I want to know YOU find me attractive. I want to know YOU still love me. I can’t leave you now. I know you need me even if you push me away. I can’t leave you to deal with this alone. I just wish I knew you felt the same way about me.

I’ve talked about leaving, but the truth is I can’t do that. I love you so much and even though you have hurt me worse than anyone ever has, I know you’re still in there somewhere. There’s so much I want to do for you, but I can’t. This isn’t my fight. You need to do this. I want to be there beside you, but I honestly don’t know if you’re willing to try.

I love you. I miss you. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to forgive you.

I so desperately want to try. Do you?

Confession #2005

I love you so much and I don't want to lose you. You keep saying that it isn't fair that I have to deal with this crap from your ex-wife but because I love you I am not going anywhere.

I hate the fact that now you are happy and in love, she "needs" you. BULLSHIT! She doesn't need you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you. If we were to break up so you could go back to her, within 3 months she will get rid of you again. I wish you could see this. You have told me how your marriage with her was, and I can totally relate..my marriage was the same way. IT IS WHY WE ARE DIVORCED! Anyone who can blow through over $50,000 in a year doesn't deserve someone as caring and wonderful as you, especially when that money was for college for the girls. How can you not be totally livid over it?? I am and really it doesn't concern me. Yes I am worried about you, and I care about your daughters and their college education. I don't want anything to keep these very bright girls from doing what they want to do.

I'm sorry but no relationship when two people are together for almost 10 years and separate 6 times is healthy. You have said that, I wish you would remember. I'm sorry that people are trying to tell you who to choose- and I'm sorry that your parents have picked me. But I don't blame them..why would they want you back with someone who treats you like shit and cheated on you?

I just wish I could say this to you..but I'm so scared; I don't want to lose you. You are the best thing that has happened to me except for my kids.

Confession #2006

My husband always finishes during sex before me. He tries to pretend
he didn't and tries to keep going. I bust him every time. Last
night he kept going and it hurt. He was limp! Like a fucking
noodle! And I guess the squishyness of it caused it to hurt me. I
told him to "stop. You're finished" and he replied that he couldn't
help it. I can get over the "quickness" of it all, sometimes, but
the faking it pisses me off. He tries to hide the fact that he is
finished by continuing to push. He knows I know, so who the fuck
does he think he is fooling? Does he think if he lasts another
minute that I will be impressed? Or does he think that he will give
me pleasure with his limp noodle? NO THANK YOU! He got all pissy
because I told him it hurt and that he was only kidding himself if he
thought he could keep going. Why can't he make the best of the two
minutes he actually lasts instead of trying to pretend it's not
coming? He said he didn't know it was hurting me. Here's a tip you
mental midget... WHEN I SAY OWWW- IT HURTS!!!

Confession #2007

I love you and always will. I have always, I have always supported your career and decisions you have made. This time I can't, and I wont. I know you have to go back to Iraq and I resent the decision you made about going back, you didn't even take into consideration what your decision would do to me. All you are thinking about is your career.

If you go back I think I may cheat, actually I know I will. It was really hard not to last time.

Confession #2008

Most of the time you are so sweet to me, but sometimes you are a giant ass. When you are sweet, you do all kinds of things for me, let me know by your actions that you love me and want me to be happy. But when you are being an ass, you really baffle me. You act like you are supreme high ruler and what you say goes and I am just a silly little girl for thinking otherwise. Then, when I let you know that you are being an ass, you automatically stop talking to me. What the hell? How can conflict get resolved if we don’t discuss the issues?? Talk to me, DAMN IT!

One more thing, three years together is too soon for our sex life to be this dead. What is up with that?

Confession #2009

Last night, I was so pissed at you that I wanted nothing more than to kick you out of bed and make you go sleep somewhere else. But I knew your only other option was the couch in the room where you killed that giant spider the other night. I know you’re terrified of spiders, so I couldn’t do that to you. There were moments it seemed very promising, but I just couldn’t do that.

When I realized you probably wouldn’t do the same for me, I cried even harder. You just kept sleeping and didn’t even notice.

Confession #2010

When we met it was electric and fascinating as most new loves are. I saw a few yellow flags. Whenever we kissed long and deep his leg would tremble. He didn't like spooning, in fact, preferred that I not touch him once we were actually trying to sleep because it kept him awake. Little things add up over months. In the throes of new love, I dismissed the yellow flags because they weren't RED, glaring or frightening. There was a comment he made once about how he couldn't keep up with my ever-present sex drive.

I am no nymphomaniac. I was in 'new' love and I LOVE that feeling...it's all about the romance, the passion, the butterflies and I love it like any Life Junky would...it's a free high that beats most I have had.

But as time went on he kissed less, used a lot less foreplay in our sex life, well, let's just say intimacy doesn't come natural to him. No foot rubs, back rubs, footsie under the table, tickle fests, nope. That is not his style. I grew more accustomed to it, but inside I wondered...is this all there is?

I finally asked him and he gave me a litany of excuses that seemed plausible at first. The ex-wife had not wanted him to touch her for years...he was programmed out of intimacy.

He didn't like to spoon because he has chronic insomnia and if he can actually fall asleep the slightest movement might wake him and he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.

He never could give me a clear answer about why he didn't like to french kiss, but I eventually quit trying to change him. Once in a while he gets tipsy enough to slip me the tongue and I can pretend that he enjoys it.

And for almost 10 years I have hugged him. I give him a peck on the lips and wish he wanted to hold me or longed to run his fingers through my hair...

Did I mention he HATES it when I touch his hair, his feet, the backs of his legs? He shudders, jumps or verbally reprimands me if I accidentally attempt it for the 3rd, 7th, or 49th time.

I keep wondering how many people live this way?

He is a great provider, a reasonable partner who does his share around the house and definitely takes an active role with the kids. He works hard, we have great vacations together.

He occasionally reaches over and pats my hand or even holds it for a few minutes in the car. He rarely initiates a hug, but he will reciprocate it if I ask.

He LOVES sex with me. Day, night, tipsy or sober, seems fine to roll around and poke, prod, lick, diddle...

but it's getting harder for me to get very excited about it. After 10 years of diminishing intimacy, I have become the one that pushes him away. I don't want him to flop around in the bed and get his jollies and then head the other direction until the next "session."

I used to hope he would change. Now I just resign myself to the fact that this is him. Take it or leave it, (I almost left a year ago...) I decided to take it. I think he still thinks I am excessively needy...I am not sure anymore what is excessive, my desire to be held and cuddled or his desire for physical space.

Is this what marriage is?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

True Wife Confession 200 dollars for passing "Go"

Confession #1991

I haven't stopped loving you.
At least I think there's still some hope...
but I can't keep living like this.
I don't think I could ever find someone else who accepts me so completely
and loves me--all my many faults and all--the way you do
without ever asking me to change a single thing.
But I'm tired of being alone so much.
I know it's because of your job, and I know that's why you're so tired when you are home with us.
But there's no fun in our lives anymore, and you leave so much of the burden of the kids and the household on my shoulders.
Yes, you acknowledge me and thank me for it,
but I don't do it to exalt myself. I do it because it has to be done, and you aren't going to do it.
You've become so lazy, so ineffectual. It's like you've lost a large part of yourself somewhere and have no inclination to try to get it back.
So, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore.

I started seeing someone. It started innocently enough.
I don't love him, but I let myself pretend I do because it feels good.
Mostly, I just love the way he makes me feel. I don't want a life with him.
He isn't patient and giving the way you are.
He isn't as selfless as you can be sometimes.
He's not nearly as handsome as you are, and he isn't as professionally successful as you.
He isn't as smart as you, and not nearly as funny.
But I want a life where I feel the way he makes me feel.
He's an amazing lover,
and he knows how to touch me in a way that you have never learned. (No matter how many times I have tried to tell you and show you.)
What you do makes me uncomfortable and doesn't feel good. But you still do it, and act surprised and hurt when I try to explain it to you. It's been 10 years, and you still keep doing the same old things that I hate. You don't get it, and you don't even try...
I've been kind about it...I've been gentle...so I really don't understand.

But he gets it. And he's so good.
And he loves spending time with me and wants to be with me,
in the way you only talk about anymore.

I know you love me still. Why can't you show me that anymore? Where did you go?

Until you return, I'm going to continue with him. I really hope no one gets hurt. I just need more than you are willing to provide and I have to find it somehow. Otherwise, I probably will stop loving you altogether.

Confession #1992

My Husband went to jail this morning for domestically abusing me. I refused to press charges, but in this state, you call the police, they come and someone gets arrested. Part of me is relieved, because now maybe he'll think about the situation, and get some help. Part of me is ashamed, because now our neighbors know. People will know!

I feel like one of those woman on television. The ones I used to shake my head at, and wonder why they didn't just fucking leave. Now I know, Leaving just isn't fucking easy, that's why.

I love him, I don't love the part of him that hits me, but I still love him. Please pray with me that he gets the help he needs to become a better partner.

Confession #1993

I am getting more and more depressed living with you. You are a condescending, patronizing ass to me most of the time, and then you wonder wonder wonder why I never want to have sex with you. And why are you erasing the history on the computer, asshole? Don't think I won't find out why.

Confession #1994

We broke up nearly 3 years ago... just because we're still in the same neighborhood and work in the same business complex does not mean we'll be "carpool buddies" for ever.

I'm so tired of being your +1 to every fucking event just because you need a ride. People STILL think we're together, they ask when we're getting married, they wonder why we're not more affectionate.

When your mother had a stroke, and I wasn't the one to immediately offer to rush you 3 hours away to be at her side, you had the nerve to give me a guilt trip about it. Then you tell me how your mom, father, brother, grandparents... they still think I'm your girlfriend... the fact that you showed up with your ex-wife caused a huge up-roar in your home town and I'm supposed to be concerned?

The day you looked me in the face, holding my hands, and admitted you weren't over her... that I was your best friend, but you didn't think about me "like that"... you lost out... yes I still worry and I am concerned... but guess what... it's not my problem... it's no longer my duty to take care of you, your son, or any of your family's feeling's, thought's or emotions.

Since we've broken up, we've done Weddings, Funerals, Retirement Parties, Baby Showers & Graduations... but I can almost guarantee... if your car was running, I wouldn't have been invited to any of these events...

Yes... our break up was not a train wreck, and I understand why we're not together.... but how are either of us going to move on if the entire world thinks were a couple?

Fix your damn car...

Confession #1995

ive got this feeling that you have someone else. . .i know i shouldnt be feeling this way since the reason why you left the country was to have a better job so our child and i will have a comfortable life. . . but then every time i put down the phone i realized you havent said i love you back. . . maybe you where just in a hurry . .i love you. . . i can live without you. . . but i can't deal with it yet.

Confession #1996

OK... been married, have 2 beautiful kids, now divorced (around 9 years),
and feelilng stuck.

Part of me is really happy to be on my own. I make a good living, but spend
too much money. I'm getting a handle on that, but other than that,
everything is good. I get along famously with the ex and his wife, the kids
are healthy and doing well, but dammit, JM... you really fucked me up in the
head about how I feel about myself.

I don't dare tell anyone about the married man I've had an affair with for
the past 8 years. It's not even like I see a lot of him... numbers don't
matter here... it's so wrong and I hate myself for it.

I also don't dare tell anyone about the married man in Texas. We've never
met, but there's been phone sex and probably about $200 in miscellaneous
cash and gifts this year alone! Shit... wait... there was a $150 necklace
that I returned to Wal-Mart, so make that $350 in gifts.

I want to kick both of these married men to the curb. Sex is great with the
first married guy. Holy shit it is awesome! But Texas guy sends presents.

I hate you JM. So glad we're not married anymore... but I still hate you.
I hate the married guy I fuck, and I hate the Texas guy for wanting to fuck
me. In all three situations, it is clear that I have no self-respect.

I've rebuilt my life after the divorce; how do I find my confidence?

Confession #1997

I know you know. I went to a lawyer and I am just waiting for the bomb to drop before I leave. I gave him the down payment and told him how nice you have been to me. I'm going to go with the flow until the next time (there ALWAYS is). Your a good guy when you want to be. I just don't want to be your b~tch anymore.
I'm a whore for 2000.00$ a week.
I hope you play nice in the end for our kids sake.

Confession #1998

I am so freakin tired of you treating me like the babysitter. I don't care that you go and do things on occassion but damn it would be nice if you'd ask first if we had plans or if I minded. After all I am staying home with OUR kids!!! They aren't just mine. I don't care that I am a stay at home mom you still need to show me some respect. And guess what buddy you aren't and haven't for a long time I am fucking tired of it and fucking tired of you. I only stay with you because I still have kids not in school full time. Mark my words tho... If you don't start getting better in alot of ways I WILL be leaving you as soon as that happens.

Confession #1999

This morning before you left for work, you woke me up to check on my hives. You even put calamine lotion on me. You are so sweet. This is just another of the many reasons why I love you.

Confession #2000

The other day you told me that you regretted ever marrying me. I finally realized that I will never be good enough for you. I gave you all of me and you broke my heart.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to any new readers who may have recently discovered TWC.

As some of you may know, Lifetime is syndicating pieces of confessions on their new re-launched website. This will expose us to a wider audience without losing the intimate feel that I think is really important to the success of the site.

If you are new to the idea of TWC, you can look here for commonly asked questions.

If you want to send in your own confessions, feel free to do so.

The email address is truewifeconfession@gmail.com.

In fact, without your confessions, the site doesn't work.

Welcome to our family.