Thursday, November 30, 2006

Flippin the Script

All right. I can't tell you how much I have loved all of the stories. Seriously. I was in my Curriculum Ideologies class last night laughing HARD with a friend as we read through these again.

In the interest of "fair and balanced", let's here the stories of the moment when they got you. You know what I mean.

The hook. The line. The sinker and she's reeled in!

It's only fair that I start out with mine, right?

For the first boyfriend, it was his leather jacket. God, he smelled so good. And he was funny. And maybe a little dangerous. (OK, OK - I liked bad boys...)

The next one, oh, he was a quiet one. He put his time in and his groundwork was amazing. I barely knew that I was being snagged until I was head over heels in love, even though he drove a Camero ( which I called the Disco sled). To this day, I think he could make my heart leap were I to see him.

And then there is Terrance. Smelled good...Hell Yes. Older? Yep. But the moment? He had asked me to go to a friend of his wedding for our first "real" date. All right, seems honorable enough. He has to pick me up at 7 in the morning to get to the part of the state where the wedding is being held.

I open the door and he is standing there is a Beautiful suit (with snakeskin shoes) holding a bag and a Large cup of tea. He says, "It's really early and I thought you would be hungry, so I brought you a croissant and tea. You look amazing, by the way."

I was a goner.

Spill the gushiness...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Let's play a game....

In the spirit of the almost holidays, I decree we all need to laugh a bit more.

I started this on I am Doing the Best I Can, and it still makes me laugh every time I read them. As I am in the midst of finals, I need to laugh, Friends. Else I will be digging a nest into the Education library and hibernating for the next several months.

Yes, the moments during a budding "relationship" when you know it is D-O-N-E. Of course, alot of the ones I detailed on my blog were the moments during sex when the guy Lost me. Just Lost me. You know, smacking your ass at the WRONG moment. Or being too "Toothy". Or wearing socks. Or the guy who told me over drinks how he needed to have a great blow job in which the woman swallowed in order to have a truly satisfying sexual experience. Thanks for the info, Next!

Soooooo, Friends, Romans, Countrywomen (and men too - I know you are out there reading), Lend me your tales of doom.

Monday, November 27, 2006

True Wife Confession 126, the last Magic Number in Physics

Confession #1251

im so glad that i got to talk to you tonight. its always a pleasant treat when i get to see you unexpectedly. we cooked dinner tonight and i told you about the new orleans trip. i found out tonight exactly what trust means. i told you about the girls at the bar tonight. i told you that i liked the attention, which is true. i know im not always the best at sharing my feelings. but tonight i really feel like it didnt matter what i said, you just knew what i was saying, and somehow found another branch of me to accept and love. i was afraid to share what happened to you. i know this probably sounds ridiculous, but you have to remember... im just getting used to being with my soulmate. i was transparent with you and you understood. i think what you shared with me was much more than that though. you shared with me the fear of being transparent. i was honest and you embraced my emotions as your own. i could only hope you know that i would do exactly that for you. you must know that i would never cheat on you. when i said you filled my "love tank", i meant you quenched my every imaginable thirst. more than that, you satisfied me and continued on to enrich me and build me up. the love i have for you is simply amazing to me day after day. is there temptation? its all around me...but you consume me and im left with no hunger for these things whatsoever. im also not upset that the power went off at the dorm. slipping into bed with the warm center of my every thought and heartbeat is the stuff that dreams are made of. my dreams come true when i am sleeping next to you. i am thankful for you for every day, and every day you make me more thankful.

Confession #1252

The Pastor at church wants to meet with me, but I don’t think I will. I truly love you, I really do. However, I can’t see myself going back with you. It really breaks my heart to say that. You have no idea. I go home and cry at night –when I don’t break down during the day. I just can’t take it anymore. I deserved to be treated nicely or at least with a tiny bit of respect. I take excellent care of the kids, I take pretty good care of my house, I take pretty good care of whatever animals we have. I’ve never done any of the horrible things I was accused of doing – truly. I have NEVER cheated on you – either while we were married or before. It has been years since I went out with anyone else. I don’t play mind games. I am pretty basic, I think. I need more than you are able to share with me at this point in your life. Looking back, we shouldn’t have gotten married just because we were expecting our son. It was a poor way to start a marriage – especially since you didn’t trust me from the get-go. You chose to believe those horrible people you used to work with - the ones that were nice to my face and trashed me to you behind my back. I am thrilled we have such wonderful children. They are pretty neat people. Our son is my special prince. Our daughter is my she-devil.

I’ll always remember the first time we made love as husband and wife. I complemented you and you said that you performed well because you wanted to make sure I didn’t cheat. I should have taken action then and not waited….my heart wouldn’t be as battered and bruised as it is.

Confession #1253

Although I sometimes complain about it, I don't really mind so much when you don't come to bed right away. It gives me a chance to get some sleep before you come in and hog the covers and snore and fart on me and stuff.

I do like having you around. A lot. But I like my sleep too.

Confession #1254

Stop reading all those websites that collaborate
stories on how awful corporations are being to the
little man. It's just a bunch of angry dorks who
don't try and be smart and you get upset when I point
out that their own stupidity worked against them and
that corporations very rarely care that much to spend
time and energy on one little customer.

It only makes you angry about the world and us annoyed
with eachother for no reason.

And stop bitching so much about the government- you
didn't vote.

And please turn into an adult. Maintaining your
childhood pleasures is fine- on an occasional basis.
Watching cartoons on a daily basis doesn't give me an
impression that you want to grow up.

Confession #1255

I know about the pill you stashed in your wallet ... even after promising me you wouldn't ... and I removed it. I know about the money hidden there too. And I know why you hide money. The hell of it is, it doesn't freak me out anymore, I don't spend hours crying over it after you've left, I don't call my best girlfriend to cry on her shoulder either. I guess you've done it so many times that it no longer shocks me. I've come to expect nothing more from you.

There are no words for the depth of the pain your betrayals have caused me. But I also recognise that life is full of compromises, and sometimes we all have to settle for less than we want in order to have what we need.

You see, your secret life isn't a secret anymore, but I have my own secrets, and I'm so much better at hiding them than you. You can continue to try hiding your betrayals, and I will continue uncovering them. It's the sad, sick game we've become locked in, you and I. It's a game with no winners. I suppose we'll both just keep losing until there's nothing left.

Just remember ... you made the rules of this game.

Confession #1256

Thank God it is duck season again. I love you but it's nice to see you making plans to get out of my hair. I know some wives bitch and moan about it but hey it's only 2 months and you are home by noon anyways. See how good you've got it.

Confession #1257

You were right. I was having an affair. For more than two years and you didn't notice because we're all so busy, mostly you. You are so very busy. You didn't notice until I made a small blunder that made you suspect. Not know, only suspect.

About then you said something like "I only hope you like me more than him," in a small voice that I hadn't heard before--at that moment I knew it really was over with the other guy. I denied it, of course. Cowardice on my part, certainly--but also I made the denial because you deserved not to get hurt.

The affair happened because he was a friend (not someone you know, thank god) and I'm bored and you're busy (did I mention that?) and our sex is no great shakes. We've been together 25 years, married 21. There are the kids and the mortgage and the animals. But all of that's not why I'm staying. It's because I'd be a fool to leave someone like you. You still make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I wish I could tell you about the pain of leaving him. I still feel alone and sad. I wish I could tell you about the guilt I felt. But saying anything would be selfish beyond belief, perhaps even more selfish than the act of infidelity. Because you and I are basically okay. As usual. As always. And at least now I get what happened with you all those years ago when you strayed.

Confession #1258

I will lose 40 pounds like you told me too and then I will dump your ass

Confession #1259

Hey husband,

When did you become such a DICK?

Confession #1260

I love you, I really do but I am 22 yrs old. Marriage
has turned out to be so very different to the way I
imagined it would be. I used to be so sure of myself,
confident and beautiful, I felt like the world was
mine and I could do and achieve anything I wanted to.

I have now realised that I dont feel that way anymore,
I havent for a while and I hate the way I am feeling.
I have found that there are so many things I feel I
cant share with you(and dont want to share with you),
>so many things you dont understand about the way I
feel. We dont want the same things in life and I think
that is a huge problem.

I want so much more then the life I am living now and
I dont want to have regrets in my life. I want to be
some of the person I was before marrying you. I love
you, honestly I do, but I want to be ME! I want to
keep my own secret throughts hidden from you and I
want to keep a piece of my heart for me. I dont want
to give you everything and I dont want to feel like I
dont exist.

The funny thing is that I cannot imagine being
satisfied without you. You are so special to me, I
just want you to understand me more. I want you to be
more like me....

Friday, November 24, 2006

True Wife Confession 125cc Sports bikes

Confession #1241

Husband when it is my day off of work do not come home for a 3 hour break. Yes it is great that your job is so flexible but damn it is my day off. I don't want you home taking over the TV and the whole house. I want to clean or sleep or whatever without you being around. Go to work already.

Confession #1242

Here is my confession:

Dear Hubby,
Everytime I have a really great TWC to write; a juicy one describing how inconsiderate you are, how much you don't appreciate me and ignore all my needs and wants. But then, you do the most incredible things. You buy me dinner because I'm tired and I don't want to cook. You cook dinner both days of the weekend without me having to ask. You do the dishes, buy me flowers and tell me how much you appreciate all I do around the house for the family, all without me having to drop even a hint. Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. But there is no one else on this Earth who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you!

Confession #1243

This morning, when you made me laugh - out of the blue - by being silly? Those are the moments that I fall in love with you again.

Confession #1244

I've never told your mom to shut up, but I really want to.

Confession #1245

Friend to friend –

I will never divulge another secret of mine to you ever. Ever. My trust in you is completely gone. For good.

Confession #1246

I'm sorry I hurt the way I did. You never gave me a reason to cheat on you. It's just that you were not the man I intended to marry. I can't lie you have always made sure the children and I have all that we needed. You have always made it a point to make me feel the best that I can, when we are together but still I miss the way he would say good morning to me, how he smells. Did you ever stop to think why I asked you to change cologne. So, you could smell like him,and all i had to do was close my eyes and image him there with me instead of you.

You have forgiven me, and I thank you every day for that. I realized I was wrong in doing what I did. Let's make this new year coming the best one we have ever had.


Confession #1247

Sweetie, when people make that face at you, it's because you are talking to fast. We live in the South. People don't talk that fast here. I can understand you only after seven years of practice. Slow down, okay?

Confession #1248

They are your kids. Yes, they really are. Don't ever suggest otherwise, again. I will ask for DNA testing if you do. I remember having that conversation a long time ago. I promised I'd leave if you ever brought up my alleged promiscuity again. You cried and I thought you were sincere. Remember that? All of that crap really built up because it never stopped. I can't stop thinking how much you disliked me in order to say the stuff you've said to me. The relief you must have felt when I moved out.

Confession #1249

I owe you my life. Without the years of being there for me at 3 am when i
could barely talk, i would be dead, or worse. I could be the same broken
child i was when you met me (and you loved me anyway.)

I can't believe you still love me.

I don't know if we can keep this, but i would do anything and everything for
you. I'm scared of giving up my future. I'm scared that I'll make the worst
mistake of my life either way.
But nothing scares me more than losing you.

I guess we'll find out.

Confession #1250

To my "ex" man:

You really thought you had pulled the okey-doke on me, didn't you? You had it all, a nice home, friends, everything. I was the woman who helped you take care of your exwife's child support issues, your IRS issues, etc. I was the one that helped you clean up your credit on the promise that once it was done, we'd take care of mine. I allowed you to tell MY kids that you were the only "daddy" they had ever had, and they could call you for anything. Then you cheated. But what was worse was you cheated and lied and made ME feel like I was losing MY mind. I knew something was going on, but all you could say is I was crazy. Really? I'm crazy for thinking something is up when your dumb stupid ass wasn't coming home until 1 or 2 in the morning if at all? You know, it took a long time to let you go emotionally. But I've done it- so while you still, 5 years later, try to call and send all these nice text messages to me everyday on the phone SHE pays for- you have no idea I'm gone emotionally. I wouldn't give a rats ass if you left her TODAY- there's no way in hell I'd ever get back with you. It would be different if you had played the game different and not humiliated me running around town with that beast of a woman where all my friends and coworkers saw you when I knew nothing. It would be different if you knew how to fuck right. But you don't. So keep giving me money, keep bringing me lunch, keep doing for my kids- it's payback.

To "Her":

You know, there are many things I could say to you- but the one main thing is this- you wanted that mother fucker and now you have him. And it's funny as HELL that you are NOW having the same problems with his bitch ass that I did. Boy, I tell ya- that Karma is a bitch, huh?

If I were one of your few friends, I'd tell you that try as you might, you can't buy a man. You also can't get mad at him because he's out there fucking around on YOU- know why? You didn't have any problems when he was doing it with you, did you? Oh no, you thought that shit was cute, didn't you? He had an entire fucking wardrobe at your house before I made his cheating lying ass leave- what kind of fucked female are you? Who does that? I mean, don't get me wrong- you look like a man- with makeup- but that's here nor there. I think it's hilarious that you have gotten in enormous debt trying to 'buy' him into staying with you....please. Girl, he does not want you and never really has- he ONLY moved in with you because I put him out. Had I not done that? He'd still be in my house. Girlfriend, catch a clue and get some self esteem. You give females a bad name.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

True Wife Confessions 124 Application for Australian Citizenship

Confession #1231

Even though you have caught me deceiving you in the past, and I have apologized over and over again, swore that it would never happen, I think about it happening again all the time. I think about men I meet at work and friends from home. I think about how I can be sneaky enough this time to get away with it. I love you so much, but I can't help wanting the pleasure from someone else. To wrap my legs around someone else and have him enter me...even the very thought gets me more wound up than you could do in a life time.

I'm sorry I feel this way. I love you so much. I want to have your children and grow old with you. I just want them too.

Confession #1232

Sometimes when I am mad at you and you go to take your shower, I turn all the faucets to hot and flush the toilets just to give myself some satisfaction, and it works because when you get out of the shower, I am not mad anymore.

Confession #1233

You tell your friends that you think I'm going to leave you. Yet, you do nothing to prevent me from wanting to leave. We've had discussions many times about what's going on in our relationship and I've told you very plainly what I need from you. But, you choose to do nothing. It makes me wonder why. Do you want me to take our kids and leave? Do you want to be alone? Do you want to be able to do what you want to do to your heart's content without worrying about what I'm thinking?

It's sad. You deal with things by ignoring them and hoping that they'll go away and that's what you're doing with me and have done for all the years we've been together. But, in this instance, by ignoring me, it will eventually make me go away.

Do you realize in the entire time we've been together that you've never once told me that you think I'm pretty or sexy or complimented me on anything? I feel like a dried up sponge and can't take it anymore. My selfworth is in the negative state and it would certainly help if I thought that my husband was proud of me, thought I was pretty and sexy and appreciated me, but I don't. I don't feel like I can ever come up to your unrealistic standards and never will.

Confession #1234

Very simply...

I am a woman
Married to a man that is bipolar and verbally abusive
I am in love with a women that I've had a relationship with for 3 years.

You moved us 3 states away from her but it doesn't change the fact
I will always love her
I will always need her
I will one day be with her.

I can't divorce you because I'm afraid you will go off the deep end and hurt yourself
I can't divorce you because I do love you but I'm not in love with you
I can't divorce you after everything I've put you through
I can't divorce you because I finally figured out I'm a lesbian - it would destroy you.

We're trying to make a new life in our new state.
We don't know anyone and you are so antisocial we probably never will
We will pretend to be happy
We will fight when you have yet another manic episode.

I will stand by you and take care of you
I will continue our sex life and fake climaxes to make you feel accomplished
I will make dinner, clean our house and keep you as happy as I can
I will continue to long for her....

Confession #1235

I truly believe you never wanted a wife but wanted a 2nd mother.

Confession #1236

Telling me that I "smell" is a sure fire way to make sure we don't have sex. And yes, of course I showered today.

Confession #1237

I will not be attending any of your families functions voluntarily. I am so embarrassed we had to borrow money again.

Confession #1238

I am not a leech. I am not a piece of shit. I am not a bitch. I am not a train wreck.I am a beautiful, loving, kind, creative person. I have spent the past three years taking your shit because of our baby boy. You tell me..."oh, I used to be just like you." Um, you used to be living at your Mom's on a drug cocktail because you could not cope. I am nothing like YOU. I have lived my life to the fullest until I met you and you sucked all of the life and spirit out of me. You drink, oh how you drink. You abuse me verbally and then make me feel like it is my fault. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this position.I don't even know what is real anymore. I am caught up in your web of bullshit. I hate who I am when I am with you. I just do not have the guts to leave. I am afraid of being a single Mom. I lost my Mom and I don't want my baby boy to lose his Mom to this turmoil. I want him to have a family. A Mom and a Dad. A family. Some family. No matter what I do I am screwed. Trapped.

Confession #1239

I can't believe how fucking stupid I was...letting my loneliness get the best of me. I sought you out, you came running like it's your first piece of ass and it was the lamest fuck ever. I got a yeast infection. Oh, since then you've proved yourself a great lover. But, a selfish one. You want it when you want it. You text me, you tell me you love me, you miss me and all that other good stuff. Yet, I never know where I stand with you. I told you I loved you just so you'd keep coming back for more. I don't love you, hell I hardly know you. I should have known better picking some young kid who is not experienced in life, who wants the best of both worlds. Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I have a wonderful life with great kids and awesome husband but yet I can't seem to get you out of my mind. But, I'm not playing this game. It's over. I can't risk my married life which is secure with a kid who doesn't know his ass from his shoulders. It's been fun but not real fucking fun. Grow up.

Confession #1240

From a Man
to the ladies at twc:

please please PLEASE stop with the self-pitying and sad, "I can't lose the baby weight, so if I tell you I look like Sara Ramirez enough times you'll start to believe it."

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

True Wife Confession 123, Not so easy as

Confession #1221

Dear husband;

I once loved you, rather, I do love you, but not like I should. I love
you because you are the father of my children. However, I can't put
anymore into this 10 year marriage, I can't. I have started seeing a
therapist because my life is slowly crashing down on me. I love him,
not you. I want to be with him, not you. Yet I can't leave because of
the kids, it would kill me.

I'm slowly killing myself inside because i'm torn. I don't hide you
from him, you know all about him, but what you don't know is how much
I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. How he
wraps me in his arms and kisses my forehead and tells me "Everything
will be okay, baby." How when I lie in bed with him it's like heaven.
I've never felt like this before, but yet I can't leave you. I haven't
slept with you since I met him 2 years ago.

You do everything for me, you treat me like a goddamn princess and all
I want you to do is shut me out...kick me out, anything, but you
don't. You still love me as much as that day when we said "I do." I
wish I could say the same.

I've lost myself, yet when i'm with him I have my strength back and
I'm the person I used to be. I love the person I am when i'm in his
presence, because i've found me. I'm sad when i'm not with him, I know
you see that. He has not once judged me for what i've done, or what
i'm doing. He wants to be with me too and I know it frustrates him
that i'm still here living under the same roof as you.

Please, please let me go.....that's all i'm asking.

Confession #1222

You're selfish. You don't think about anyone but yourself. Yes, you do provide for the family but that's about it. You spend no time with your kids or with me. You think that because you "work so hard" that that entitles you to sit in front of the tv most of the time you're home. Your kids are dying for some attention from you and they would love to spend time with you.

We've talked and talked and talked and it all comes back to nothing changing. I've told you what I need, to feel loved by you, to feel appreciated, to think sexy, to think that you might actually want to spend time with me. Nothing has changed and it's sad. I don't expect much and maybe that's the problem. I've expected and gotten so little from you in the past that to you, this is ok. It's not. How hard would it be to think of someone other than yourself for once? You have a family and you need to think of them sometimes. It's not all about you, despite what you seem to think.

We won't be here forever if things don't change. It's sad that it's taken me this long to realize that how you've been acting for as long as I've known you isn't ok. I deserve more and our kids deserve more. They deserve a father who wants to spend time with them, wants to do things with them, wants to be in their lives and wants to make them a priority. I deserve a husband who acts like he loves me, who makes me feel pretty and sexy, who tells me that he's proud of me for my accomplishments, who makes me a priority in his life.

Confession #1223

Yesterday I read your email (duh! change your password or if you're going to be doing this, create a new account!) and found a "response to your profile" posted on that gross "dating/sex" site. So I went and signed up for that site so I could search for your profile. Sure enough, I found it and what I read disgusts me. You signed up for the site, and posted a profile about how all you want is just sex - the language you used was very vulgar. It hurts me because we do have a lot of sex. I'm way smarter than you; you will never be able to get away with things like this with me. The day last week you got home early - I know you lied about what time you got home (but I don't know why). The pictures you took of yourself - I've seen them. You've set your browser to record no history, yet you don't delete cookies. You will not get away with anything.

2 hours after signing up for that site, I got an email stating someone had responded to my profile (which was totally fake, by the way) was YOU, wanting to see a picture of me. I was shocked, but I did not respond. I don't know if I will. Because getting angry about it at all makes me a hypocrite since I haven't been entirely faithful either--but at least for me, it is about so much more than just sex. I have not had sex with anyone else, but I've wanted to because of how they make me feel emotionally.

We're in trouble. I love you a lot, and I want us to be happy especially for our children, but we both obviously need things we are not getting from each other. We are in trouble and it scares me. I'm scared of the honesty that will be required if we confront this. I'm terrified of what will happen if we don't.

Confession #1224

You're right -- I really am not at all interested in having sex with you ever again. You're a lazy lover who has no interest in his partner's satisfaction. Who in their right mind would want to have sex with that kind of lover?

And you're right about something else -- I have no interest in sleeping in the same bed with you ever again. You snore and you move around a lot, and those things wake me up and KEEP me awake. I get really cranky when I'm kept awake like that. Neither one of us needs that.

So I confess. You're right on both counts. But to tell you that and have you hold it over my head? No way.

Confession #1225

I really must confess that I could be alot nicer, and lot happier if you'd just carry your own weight. You are 37 years old. You are good at math. You can surely figure out that if you don't have money to fix your boat, motorcycle, or truck it is because you need to GET

A JOB! Duh! Just quit your belly aching, get a job and don't sit there and complain once you get a job. It is a job. It you enjoyed it, it would be a hobby and they wouldn't have to pay someone to do it. Life is not that complicated. I am sick of either being a b*tch or martyr.

Confession #1226

I love you, and I love your family. But I find it infuriating that
your mother calls me only to complain. Mostly about your dad, and
when I have input or a tiny complaint about you--in effort to "dish"
or have an actual two way conversation--I get informed that you are SO
much easier to deal with than your dad. And that's because of her.
Of course. And then she's right back to her rant. I can appreciate
that in your all-male family, your mother now feels like she finally
has someone to listen to her. But I am seriously at the end of my
rope. I am in medical school, yet she'll still call, and I tell her
I'm studying, and she still drones on for an hour. Seriously, next
time she calls, do NOT give me the phone.

Confession #1227

You've broken my heart in a million pieces. I ache.

Confession #1228

My Sweet,

I would never have been a lover to you. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you either. I shouldn't have bared my heart and soul to you. I was too young, you were old enough to know better. I am still too young, still too in love with you. Why did you let this happen? Why me?

I have to say good-bye to you, and I don't know how. This friendship doesn't Compare to what we had and it will never be the same again. You are married and I'm left here to rot.

I don't wish you to be in hell. I just wish to find happiness and forgiveness for myself.


Confession #1229

I really hate your job. But what I hate even more is that you don't care that I hate it. You don't care that we're broke because you make shit money. You don't care that you're home maybe 2 evenings out of every week. You don't care that you work every Saturday. You don't care that I'm miserable because I have to have a job I HATE just so you can have a "career" that doesn't pay jack and has high school kid hours. I wouldn't dream of giving you the ultimatum "me or your job," because truly, I'm not sure which you would choose.

Confession #1230

My being sick does not equal you being sick. It is possible for one person to be sick without the spouse automatically being sick. I know you find this hard to believe, because as soon as you know I am sick, you start laying the groundwork for your own "Illness" days later.

Oh, and I understand you don't want to "catch" what I have, but running after me and wiping down the phone and handles I touch with rubbing alcohol, or the bed with Lysol? Makes me unreasonably angry. I don't have the fucking avian flu, I just have a cold. Deal with it.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

True Wife Confession 122 Performance Space

Confession #1211

i know when i left you i made the right decision. i did what was best for me. you turned me into someone i didn't like. you belittled me, made me feel unimportant, didn't want to put any effort into us EVER. you crushed my self esteem and it's been over a year and i'm still not who i used to be before YOU came along.

a mere three months after i left, i heard you already had another girlfriend, while i'm still alone over a year later. even though i don't miss you and i know i did the right thing, it still pisses me off when i hear that you treat her better than you ever did me. why did i not deserve to be treated well by you? i did everything for you, i put up with so much shit, i tried to make our relationship better. i tried until i couldn't anymore and after that the only thing i tried to do was make you as miserable as i was. why, a year later, does it still make me jealous to think of you with her, to think of you treated her the way i'd always wished you'd treated me? it still gets to me that you've already found someone, that you're happy, and i'm still here, miserable and alone. waiting for someone better than you to come along (and sometimes wondering if i made a mistake, because maybe there is nobody better). i hate you for making me hate myself. and i hate you for telling her she's beautiful and how much you love her every day. i hate you because i still have enough feelings left for you to hate you.

Confession #1212

I love the fact that you cooked and cleaned, but I
wish you'd put bad food from the fridge in a sealed
plastic bag instead of dumping it in our trash as is.

Our entire apartment smells like the dumpster and you
still haven't figured out why yet. Sometimes I wish
you'd use common sense instead of needing me to bitch
it into you - over and over again

Confession #1213

I can't confide in you, and I hate it.

If I tell you something that upsets me, you get upset too, and you yell when you're upset.

If I tell you something that worries me, you'll get worried, too, so much that you won't sleep.

I never asked you to take on my burdens. I just want you to be supportive and help me work through them. By taking them on yourself, you create bigger problems, and that's twice the shit I have to deal with!

Confession #1214

To my soon to be ex husband
I don't know if I ever really loved you like a wife should love her husband. I honestly now think I only married you because I didn't think anyone else would want me. You did so many things to hurt our relationship while we were dating and then after we got married and you wonder why I want a divorce. You quit a well paying job because you said didn't get along with your boss 10 months before our wedding. Instead of looking for a job you sat around watching tv and hung out with your friends until I threatened to call off the wedding THEN you got a crappy job making half of what you were while I was busting my ass to pay for the wedding.
We found out I was pregnant a week after our wedding. You were so excited but yet again quit your job. Instead of looking you were online constantly talking to young girls until I caught you and you LIED to my face. You didn't even look for a new one until I was taken out of work by the doctor. Then only found something parttime. Who did you think was going to pay for the baby stuff when I was not allowed to work????? You helped out with our beautiful daughter while our son was in the hospital, and then that all changed when he came home. I told you that if things didn't change I was leaving you, and you really didn't think I would did you?
Your mom took you in and of course you told everyone how horrible I was to unfairly leave you. Can I just say F You buddy! I put up with your crap for wayyyyyyy too long and now that mom is gone you think I will take you back. FORGET IT! You went around bitching to your friends that I wouldn't work when in fact I couldn't go to work because our son needed around the clock care. But anything to make you look better to your friends right? I really feel sorry for any woman who gets involved with you because no matter how much you say you have changed, you really haven't.
The sex was good in the beginning but then you started saying you weren't in the mood, you would turn down my advances. You are a total fool..plenty of men want someone like me in their bed, and I have found a wonderful man who gives me what I want and actually has a sex drive to match mine.

Confession #1215

I don't love you and I have never loved you. In THAT way. I love you like a dear friend. I have a soft spot in my heart for you, because I believe your heart is good. I married you because I wanted to take care of you, help you have a good life, because I felt like, without me, you would have ended up in a bad place. You had such a hard childhood. The abuse, neglect, and the string of asshole stepfathers.

Can people be happy without THAT kind of love? The "soul mate" kind of love. I have known that kind of love. There is someone who made me feel that way -- who made me feel like I was home when I was with him -- that there was no one else in the world when I was with him. But he didn't return my feelings. So I married you. I still long for him and cry every day about him.

Confession #1216

I know about your MySpace account.

You've listed yourself as single, and younger than you really are.


You know about my ex, and his predilection for online chats with women, and my resulting phobia about cheating.

If you cheat on me, I'll make your psycho ex look like a Girl Scout. That's a promise.

Confession #1217


Right before I moved away from our friends and family to be with you again in our new town and state, I went out and partied hard. I flirted with a man and found a way to go with him that appeared to be innocent. I'd like to say I was still drunk, but I wasn't. I fucked him hard three different times that night. I am sorry that if you ever find out about this that it will destroy you, but the sex was amazing. It was hot and wild--what our sex has rarely, if ever, been. I think of that sex almost everytime we make love. I wish your libido was as great as his and that you would match me for wanting sex.

I do love you. I will never tell you, and I won't ever do it again.

Your whore wife

Confession #1218

Thank you. Thank you for supporting this new job even though we don't need the money. Thank you for understanding that after 6 years I just need to get out of the house. Thank you for not making me feel bad that we'll have to put the girls in daycare and we might need to buy a new car so I can get to work. Thank you for not pointing out that the housework and other household chores I take care of everyday will likely suffer after I start working. All these things play in my mind every hour of every day and I'm almost ready to have a panic attack just thinking about it so thank you for just saying "hey, it's ok.. this is what you want remember," this morning when I needed a reminder. This is what I want. So thanks.

Confession #1219

Yesterday I made a fool of myself over you again. It
has been more than a year since I broke up with you,
but I still can't let you go. I love you, and you
don't love me. Well, you love me sometimes--when
you're feeling insecure, when you're sick. Yesterday
you tried to be nice, but it was so obvious you just
wanted me to go away. And it hurt so much.

Confession #1220

Here I am again. I hate you. I love you. You drive me
nuts. You are in an inapproiate friendship with your
friend's wife. When I tell him just how much you two
talk, and the way you talk about her, I doubt he would
have much trust left for you. You take my feelings for
you and ignore them, reject them, and make me feel
like shit. You don't love me. You only want me around
when your dick gets hard. You are the reason why I am
so unstable now. You are the reason now why I have
tried to kill myself twice in the past two years. Not
my exhusband but YOU. You are the reason why I am now
seeing a counselor. You are the reason why I am on the
verge of quitting and moving away. I hate you, yet I
love you. I cannot keep letting you take advantage of
me the way you do. I will not do your laundry anymore.
I will not let you use my cameras anymore. I will not
buy you food anymore. You do not know how good you had
it when you were living with me. You do not know how
much I loved you and how much shit I was willing to
put up with. You have no idea how much you hurt me
when you chose to ignore me, my feelings, my pleads,
and my cries. You have no idea how bankrupt I feel

And if you ever read this, I hope you know this is me
referring to you and I hope you take this and move
very very far away from me.

Monday, November 20, 2006

True Wife Confessions 121Cribbage Victory!

Confession #1201

When you sit up doing who knows what on the computer all night, don't get hateful with me when I wake you up early because I have to be at work. If you would go to bed at a decent hour, you wouldn't feel so awful in the mornings, genius.

And also? When I am busting my tail trying to clean AND trying to watch our rambunctious (that's an understatement) 2 year old, and you just sit on the computer and watch makes me hate you a little more each time. I know you grew up with a nasty mother, but you are almost 30 now, AND you know how much it bothers WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can you not clean up after yourself????? GROW UP ALREADY!

Other than that, I love you :)

Confession #1202

To my husband:

I hate you more than words can say. Our anniversary just passed and you didn't even acknowledge it. FUCK YOU!

I think you are crazy an never should have married you. I hate the way you look, the way you smell, everything. I wish a truck would run you over, and I hope you suffer terribly first. You are stupid and always were, which is why you'll never get anywhere in your job you loser.

I dream about meeting someone else who can be my companion, who I can talk to, who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I long to walk hand in hand with someone, to hug them without being immediately groped, to have an intelligent conversation with them. I want to be taken out to dinner and a movie, something you would never do you cheap bastard. And let me tell you something, if I ever meet him, I will be out that door in 5 minutes, and if you ever bother me again, I hope he beats the crap out of you.

Confession #1203

It's day three of you not talking to me, ignoring the kids and basically pouting. You know what? I'm not caving. I know it's childish- but you're being childish too. Whatever. I don't know how else to make my point to you. The way you've been acting lately? It' s.not.okay. But you won't listen until you know I'm mad.

Also, google history keeps a history of searches even when you delete them from the computer. I saw the search for bang my wife please. I know you went there. What the hell were you thinking??

Confession #1204

You seem to have changed your ways after four years of being kind of a douche bag. You are still drinking too much and wetting the bed sometimes, but you've been being patient and loving with me after years of blowing your stack at me on the slightest of pretexts. You actually stood up for me (for the first time in the almost 10 years we've been married) to your wacko mother when she insulted me for the umpty-umpth time. I am starting to consider you an emotional refuge again instead of just another source of tension in my life. This is huge.

Alas, I consummated the emotional affair I embarked on nine months ago two weeks after you stopped being a douche bag. Two wrongs totally do not make a right - now I'm having panic attacks and I know it's my conscience rearing up. I am never going to tell you about this but it's eating me up inside.

Confession #1205

I called you a prick because you refuse to acknowledge ME, MY FEELINGS, MY EMAILS, and the CD I sent you because I was feeling SO BAD FOR YOU! And I can't believe that you are so cold and unfeeling that it doesn't bother you in the slightest that by doing this, you continually hurt my feelings...that's why I called you a prick!

Confession #1206

Sometimes I am just too damn tired to clean up before you get home. I see you roll your eyes at me, as you look around. But I can't do everything, I just can't.

Confession #1207

Stop using me as an excuse because you don't want to hang out with your friends. I could care less if you spend a weekend with them. Telling them that you have to be around to help me out makes me want to fall over laughing...or that I am sick, or that the kiddo is sick. How about this: "No thanks, I'm busy."

What's the worst they will say? That you're pussy whipped? Please, their old bachelor asses WISH someone would pussy whip them, but they are all still too juvenile to be attractive to any adult women.

Confession #1208

When you want to, you can make me laugh so hard. I wish you would want to more. I miss that.

Confession #1209

I want to congratulate you on picking up on the fact that I needed a break from our child and booking her for a playdate tomorrow, which YOU will be taking her to. I know that you feel a little nervous about hanging out with the moms, but I also know that you are doing this for me so I can have a little slice of peace.

Confession #1210

Why do we play this game? Why do we do the dance of "Who will call for the (fill in the blank)"? Its everything...Doctors appointments, hair cuts, birthday party rsvps, pizza...You name it. You try to hand me the phone. I didn't see "Event Scheduler" included in my wedding vows. THEN, you try to get me to go and pick up the pizza you have gotten me to order?!?!?

What is up with the pathological fear of the phone? Plus, I hate calling to order food for you cause you keep changing your order and I feel like an asshole as I repeat word for word what you are saying to the person on the other end.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

True Wife Confession 120 Alcohol Soft

Confession #1191

The other day, when I told you I was too sick to get out of bed? Well, I was sick, but I really just wanted to stay in bed. How does it feel to run your ass off all day?

Confession #1192

I love you more than anything. And I am happy that you have a new job that you love. I know that things will calm down when your restaurant opens and I know that these long hours are only temporary. I know that everything will be worth it.

But I am so fucking lonely. I feel like I have a part time husband. I miss you. It doesn't help that when you are home you are talking about work, drinking, or so exhausted that you are a zombie.

I am at the point that if an opportunity came up (and I know that it won't), I would probably cheat on you. Just to have the emotional connection to someone again. Just to feel loved and desired, and to have someone look at me in that way. And just so that I could touch someone without him pushing my hand away.

Confession #1193

You do not know that I used to carve bloody trails in my arms with razorblades. When the canyons started to heal, I'd scratch them open again. I'd never heard of self-injury; I thought I'd invented it. When I realized it wasn't an option for me any more, I wept in public. You don't know this.

You don't know the joy I felt with another woman's pubic hair scratching my chin.

You don't know that one of my most consuming orgasms came from anal sex with someone who repelled me. Another came when I was chained up and every time I moved in response to her lips, the chains clinked. The sound tipped me over the cliff.

You have no curiosity about these things. How can you have no curiosity? How can you possibly not want to know, even when I try to tell you?

You do not know that when I was 18 I carved canyons into my arms and scratched them open week after week to keep them from healing.

You do not know that two of my most intense orgasms came when I was chained up with a woman tasting me, and during anal sex with a man I loathe.

You do not know how close I've been to suicide how many times, and you do not know how antidepressants have given me my life back.

I've tried to tell you these things and you aren't interested enough to listen. How can you not want to know? If you said anything to me like I've said to you, I would put down whatever I was doing and come sit knee to knee with you and hold your hands until you were finished telling me. But when I've tried to tell you, you just stare past me. How is it possible?

Confession #1194

You suck! You brag about all the jewelry, clothes and big ticket items you bought your ex wife for her birthday, Christmas, valentines day, etc. What did I get? After 9 months together, first you couldn't remember my birthday, although it conveniently fell on a holiday this year. I got a last minute gift of a whatever was on sale at Hallmark. At least I did get a card. That made it seem less crappy I guess. I don't expect big expensive gifts, but when you bring it in and say its nothing fancy, I just stopped and got it on my way here, it makes me feel like crap. I would rather have had dinner and a movie than a last minute thoughtless gift that you made me feel like you had to put yourself out on.

I don't need or want fancy stuff, but for god's sake don't call me the night before my birthday and ask if tomorrow is my birthday and then proceed to tell me that you didn't get me anything. It makes me feel like crap that you can't even take 5 minutes out to find something special for me. I just wanted you to remember and make it a little special. I haven't had anyone make my birthday special in YEARS! I guess I expect too much from you.

Confession #1195

When you told me that I was fatter than most women that you have dated and that I was much more bigger than the woman you married, well what can I say....
You ripped my heart out and stepped all over ever insecurity that I have.
May I bring it to your attention that you are shorter than most men that I have dated and are about a foot shorter than the man I married. For the love of God, I could eat soup off the top of your head with out to much effort.
If there is someplace else you need to be, I would suggest you get there because I have had enough!!!!!!
Go be with the woman who smarter, who understands your passion about the water, and who is skinnier than I could ever be.
I'm's time to be ME!!!!!!!

Confession #1196

Here we go again. Another holiday season with all of your fucked up ex's to deal with. Why is it so hard to schedule things with the kids. Nothing has changed. Why do we have to battle over a simple family meal every year!!! Grab your balls and tell these women that you want to enjoy some time with your kids. While your at it tell the second ex(not wife - just girlfriend for 1 year) to get her own damn family to make miserable- stop using yours.

Or if you feel like the discussion is not worth it- then shut the hell up. Your not going to be assertive with them for the benefit of the kids over a few measly hours then tell me so I can quite caring.

I hate it when you are spineless.

Confession #1197

Why won't you propose already? I know you love me, but it hurts that it's been six years and you keep putting it off. You have told everyone we know that you want to marry me and you've told me many times, but actions speak louder than words. I can't wait forever and I told you that fourteen months ago-how much longer should I wait?
Every holiday/birthday that goes by I get excited and then let down. I told you I never wanted to be one of those women that had to beg or give an ultimatum for marriage, but I have inevitably become one.
I hate that I have to ask my grandfather if we can sleep in the same bed when we visit, it makes me feel like such a child. I hate that my sister and her husband have been married for 4 years and they've only been together 5 months longer than us.
I gave you my grandmother's ring almost 3 months ago and after our anniversary weekend last week when you didn't propose I came home and looked at the ring hoping that you had it in your bag and just got nervous, well it was exactly where I put it 3 months ago-with dust all over it.
It's really starting to affect my self-esteem, I catch myself saying things like 'why would he marry me-I'm boring or I've let myself go a little' I know this is unhealthy and I really don't need this added insecurity. You have no idea how close I am to leaving, I can't imagine my life without you, but every day that goes by I resent you a little more and respect myself a little less.

Confession #1198

I love you, but if you don't stop pissing and moaning about the dog I'm going to strangle you. Leaving him outside in the cold rain for 2 hours until I got home from work is not cool. Especially when he spent those 2 hours rolling around in MUD! Yes, giving the dog a bath at 10 o'clock at night is just what I've been missing from the past two days of hell I've had. I should have made you give him the bath, but I was so mad that had you come near me when I was getting the tub ready, I would have drowned you.


Confession #1199

Darling, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will always love you unconditionally.

But for chrissake, is it that hard to RINSE your dishes then PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER when you say you will? If I see one more greasy dish sitting out on the counter - just ABOVE the dishwasher - I'm going to upend it on your face while you're sleeping.

Confession #1200

You want to marry me in January? We JUST started dating! I've barely gotten to know you and you act like we've been together, forever! You're wonderful and so supportive of my child but you're so obsessed with me it becomes a turn off. And then there's the porn that you can't live without. Your, "deal breaker". You want to be able to look at pictures and watch movies of 1,000's of women having SEX, totally naked yet you want to make sure that I don't look at ANY men when we're out. I'm not even remotely a flirt but it's a bit of a double standard...don't you think? You also want me to have a flat tummy. I'm in pretty good shape for a 40 yr old woman. I don't smoke or drink. Good with money and a devout Christian girl....yet you want that flat stomach. I had a BABY! I have arthritis in my BACK! You want a woman with a flat stomach because all you've done FOREVER is looked at airbrushed women in magazines! They aren't REAL! Most of them DON'T enjoy what they do! Wake up and smell the coffee.

Join reality. Unless you change, we have no future....go get a blow up doll.

Friday, November 17, 2006

True Wife Confessions 119 Trees

Confession #1181

Baby, I am sooo glad you understand! I never wanted to hurt you. I just needed so badly for someone to love and appreciate me. But I was scared to leave you because of the kids. You were gone so much. I know it's your job and I know we both knew it from the beginning. And if things had been good between us.... but they weren't and I was miserable. So I told you I wanted a divorce and baled out of our relationship. And I met men who treated me like a princess and made me realize I really was worthwhile.

And then you came home. My biggest fear was you'd go off the deep end when I finally came clean. I didn't want to hurt you. But I was tired of hurting. I won't be a martyr.

So I told you everything. We talked and cried and talked some more. And now, you not only embrace this new "lifestyle", you have met and approve of my "friends". You know they're the reason you didn't come home early for my funeral. We can be parents together to our boys. We're becoming friends again, slowly but surely. I didn't have to give up the people in my life who love me and care about me. And you're happier too. And you have your own friends now too. We're both happier. And everyone who knows thinks we're nuts. But it works for us. Our friendship, relationship, marriage is better than ever.

I love you. And I love them. And we're one big happy family.

Confession #1182

I know you want to get married, and you know I can't commit to it.

What I can't tell you is that primary reason I won't marry you is that I can't fucking stand your parents. You know as well as I do that when they retire in the not so distant future, they will have to move in with you because they never planned for retirement and piss their money away on electronic gadgets, vacations and expensive cars. Your father is a nasty drunk and your mother is a doormat.

They're your problem. I would rather be without you in my life than having them become my problem.

Confession #1183

I have something utterly sinful and delightful to confess. After years of not wanting sex at all in marriage, I am finally, finally free to indulge the person I used to be. I met a really wonderful friend-of-a-friend in a bar a week ago. He was leaving town soon. So. I got his number. After a fun group "send off" we decided we should have some fun. He kissed me, in the bar, in front of everyone! We took FOREVER to get home because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We got home and clothes just flew in every direction. I don't think I've ever seen a man built like that before. We had the most wild, amazing sex ... I loved it. I have been grinning about it ever since. I know that those butterflies don't necessarily last. But I can't settle for a life without any passion. I can't, and I'm sorry. I won't go back now that I can see the light on the other side. Know what that light is? It's me. I knew that girl looked familiar.

Confession #1184

A funny thing occurred to me the other day. I am over you. I found the off button and pressed it. I knew I would, I just didn't know when it would happen. Unfortunately, I also don't know how long the lust will remain quiet - maybe a month or two, or perhaps six months?? I really have no idea. Something usually happens, to kick it back into gear. Often all it takes is a little extra attention from you, maybe you'll rub my arm, hug me tight or simply give me an innocent kiss "hello", and the next thing I know the lust reappears in full force. You say you don't like it when I have these feelings for you, but I know that's bullshit. Your ego swells knowing that I am attracted to you. You just never want to have to deal with the fallout should my husband, who's also your good friend, ever find out.

Confession #1185

At least twice a week I am not where you think I am. But who would ever suspect your wife of sneaking off to meet another man?

Confession #1186

At my friends wedding when I was a brides maid, the guy who walked me down the isle WAS SO DAMN FINE. he was the first guy I have looked at since we've been married and thought about the things I would do to him. I would NEVER ever cheat on you - but it felt good to have a man look at me and see that he'd do me if he had the chance, even though I know you look at me like that all the time too. Its kinda like maybe my husband isn't just talking shyt when he tells me he finds me attractive. And maybe he didn't settle any more than I did. Maybe I just need a little self esteem boost. By the way I love how proud you looked to have me on your arm, I wonder if you noticed him looking at me too....

Confession #1187

You are a Christian man who wants to teach our kids Christian values, but
you lie to me and tell me you don't look at porn on your computer. I have
seen your history and I KNOW what you're looking at. WHY did you tell me
just the other day that you NEVER do that because it's SO wrong? I just
looked and you are always looking at porn online!! What a liar. How can
you teach our kids values when you have NONE?

It would be nice to hear the truth come from your mouth every once in a
while. I know you're lying about SO many things but I never tell you
because it's almost comical to listen to you lie when I know it's a lie.

Confession #1188

November the 8th is our anniversary. The anniversary of the day that you promised "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse". We promised in front of our families and our friends. Our father's stood together with their eyes bright and shinning and married us. That is the date that I will never forget. The date that our lives were joined at our beautiful wedding. Now we are divorced and you live with her and her kids. I wonder if you will remember November the 8th like I will and cry? Will you even remember it all? If I could make it not hurt like this after all of this time I would give up all of those memories.

Confession #1189

A year ago you asked me to marry you. We were not ready; you know that we weren't ready. Another year has passed, and now, you know that I am ready (more than ever) to get married. Instead you tell me that you "want to marry" me but that you aren't ready today. You continually make references to getting married, which, gets me revved up and thinking you are going to ask me, but then months pass and I wonder: what the hell was that conversation about? Last night when you said something about me being your wife? And I turned away and didn't respond? That's your last chance, buddy. I'm not following you anywhere without a ring when you switch bases, and that's that.

I'm close to ending this relationship because I am doing everything that a wife does without the benefits. And also without having the intimate marital relationship that I want so badly with you. I don't care about a ring, I could care less about an actual wedding (though I would like one) but if you don't make a move soon without dangling those words in my face? I'm going to leave you.

Confession #1190

You left me for another woman when I found out I was pregnant. You abandoned me to raise a newborn by myself so that you could start a life with that red headed skank who pretended to be a friend. I had to go to work every day, fat and pregnant and look at her smug face. 2 years later, you come back. We have the best sex I’ve ever had. So good it makes my body shake for a good 30 minutes afterwards. I need you to do one thing for me.

Ask the skank how it feels AFTER you ask her how I taste.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

TWC Roots Revisited

It is no secret that I "owned" these confessions as mine. Rather than continuing to encourage our young guest in his quest to defend his wronged manhood (and as the wife of a black man from Detroit, I know how very stubborn and single focused they can get), I offer the original confessions to the new audience. But, as all of you who read my other blog(s) know, I temper these with the pieces on my love of my husbands cooking ability...or his waking me up with coffee on our 10th wedding anniversay..or his love and attention for our daughter...or the way he made me laugh this morning when he drove by me as I walked back from dropping Emily off and leaned out the window to make a rather salacious comment.

Confession #001

Maybe the scratches on the top of car weren't caused by the car wash. Maybe they were caused by your daughter cheerfully clearing the car off with the steel tipped snow shovel. Maybe.

Confession #002

I know that you do loads of your own laundry when I'm not home. I know that you ignore the stack of the family laundry and wash your own personal load. I know this cause I find them in the dryer, and there is no coincidence large enough to convince me that this is "just what you happened to throw in". Especially as it has happened repeatedly for 15 years. This makes me unreasonably mad. That's why I leave all your clothes for the end, sometimes.

Confession #003

Your electronic organizer? The one you loved in 1998? Yeah. That didn't fall out of your car and get run over by your tire. I washed and dried it in the laundry , then tried to get you to think you'd done it by wedging it under your tire, in the rain.

Confession #004

I always spend more than I've told you I've spent. ALWAYS. No one gets this many shoes for what you think I've spent. That's the beauty of my own checking account.

Confession #005

I know where your belt, glasses or wallet are. I just think it's funny to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for them.

Confession #006

I WANT you to go out with your friends. Please. Get out of the house. Plus you always come home awfully grateful for what you have at home after listening to your friends bitch and moan about their wives.

Confession #007

When I say, "I don't care", sometimes I don't care. Sometime I do. Listen for the tone. It's been 15 years, it shouldn't be this hard to figure out.

Confession #008

When you go out of town, I play video games like a maniac. I also leave the bathroom door open when I pee, cause you aren't there to get all freaked out. And I don't do the dishes until right before you come home. Basically, chaos reigns.

Confession #009

I'm not really sleeping when I bump you at night. You're snoring Loudly and I have got to do something to stop the noise.

Confession #010

Your mother and I talk about you. When you are being a shit, I call her and she convinces me to stay married to you. You don't know how much you owe to your mother. Seriously.

Confession #011

Oh yeah, I hear her calling my name. But it's 2 a.m. and you’re awake anyway.

Confession #012

I was going to leave my hair in the tub drain. You’re right. But I’ll die defending that I wasn’t.

Confession #013

Your chili isn' that good. Really. I’ve just never had the heart to tell you. Your coffee isn't either.

Confession #014

I hate dancehall music. I just don’t get the appeal for you. But I have smiled as you have played it for a long ass time.

Confession #015

I love that you have more colognes than I do. I love that the Macy’s mens cologne woman knows your first name.

Confession #016

Yes, I washed the chicken. I have been rinsing the chicken for 15 years. You do not have to ask me EVERY TIME if I have washed the god damn chicken. If my plan were to give you salmonella, it would have happened a long time ago.

Confession #017

I know how much you detest Chinese Art Cinema. So it makes me love you more when you sit through three-hour movies in subtitles next to me, whilst I weep uncontrollably at the beauty of the story. And yes, I DID know that “Farewell My Concubine” was going to be three hours long. I just knew if I told you that, you wouldn’t come.

Confession #018

I will never tell you what my girlfriends and I really talk about. You’re my husband, but they are my girlfriends. Iron Curtain, Baby. And yes, we talk about you. And they know EVERYTHING.

Confession #019

Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough. Ditto for the shoulder massage. You’d get a hell of a lot more if you took note of this.

Confession #020

I know you didn’t read this card you gave me. You just picked the first one you came to that said “To my wife”. That’s why I quiz you on the sentiment behind the words on the card. To see you squirm.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Guess What?

Another (male) blogger has decided to use TWC to vent his personal frustrations about women. You know? Us women? Cheating, Lying, Whorish women?

Dear God. I wonder how any of us got married to such petulant babies.

If the blogger in question had taken the time to read ALL the confessions AND the FAQ, he may have understood that this site is not about "cheating, lying women." It is about the complexities of being married...the complexities of maintaining a relationship in a society that expects women to either be "happy wives and mothers" or "career driven, lying whorish bitches".

Alas, unnamed male blogger. It's not that easy. It's not that simple.

I know you wish that "communication" would solve everything. Your "armor" is dented. You are a "warrior" who has emerged from dealing with lying women.

Get over yourself.

The bottom line is that marriage and relationships are HARD. Not just a little bit, but H to the A to the R to the D. I was one of those who confidently told the world that I would "never" allow my future husband to ..... or that he will "never" talk to me that way....or "if you're not happy, just leave"......

Until I got inside. With a Child. And a Home.

And I realized that I compromise bits and pieces of myself to maintain my marriage, my home, my family. That to pretend that I didn't was lying to other women. Lying to myself.

So please. Save your righteousness for your next partner. I'm sure she'll love it.

True Wife Confession 118 Experience

Confession #1171

Dear Hubby:
You know how "we" agreed that we were going to keep
the thermostat at 68 this winter and not "waste money"
on foolish things like heat and warmth? Well, I just
can't do it. As soon as you go to work in the
morning, I crank the old thermostat up to 75. Roasty,
toasty warm. I LOVE HEAT!!!!

Confession #1172

I cant stop thinking about you, it seems like lately its all I do. I walk around, cooking, cleaning, take care of the baby, talk to my husband, go through life's motions. But inside, the thoughts just pulsate through me. For a while, it seemed like you were going to fade away with time. I still thought about you everyday, but not like this. All it took was seeing that damn movie to remind me of you, of us, of how it used to be. And now the memories just keep crashing into the sides of my head like waves, pounding away with the sadness and loneliness of reality back into my soul. It's been 5 years since I last saw you, and not a day goes by that i still wouldnt want to wrap myself around you completly. I hate the decisions I've made. G*d knows I love my child more than life itself, but I wish I could just go back in time, before i got married, before becoming a mother, and still be with you. To feel free again. And to know what real passion feels like once again. It's gone forever, and i will never have that feeling ever again. I feel like my life is over and there is no desire left inside. I am a desert. I miss you more than you will ever know.

Confession #1173

This goes out to confession #1107

If you want him to be a better lover and figure out that it isnt working for you....stop faking! I know it's hard...ive been there, he's pumping away with no end in sight and all you want to do is just go to bed, bc an orgasm just isnt gonna happen; whether it's his fault or not. In the past...this is what I have totally silent. yes, it is passive agressive, but i feel that it is better than saying "just finish bc im not coming" or a simple..."ow, my hair" in a monatone voice works! They will usually ask "is something wrong?" then nicley say...well im not close to coming....unless you wanna (insert naughty deed here). I know many women may find my thinking backwards, or game playing....but we are women, we are game a good way of course. and men, god love them...they can do a lot, but sometimes they just do not get simple things unless you let them know in simple ways, so be a woman, play games, and work things out with out really hurting any feelings!

Confession #1174

I am sorry you are waiting to hear if your cancer has come back. I feel terrible for you. You have dealt with this twice before and haven't. I want you to know, whatever you need from me I am here. Cancer or no cancer, we have only been together 4 months and I don't know where our relationship will end up. But right here right now I am 100% devoted to you. I'm your biggest fan and I want you to have a happy successful life more then anyone else in the world. Whatever happens we will get through this together.

Confession #1175

I would like to possibly get seven or eight hours of sleep if at all possible. I do not get the luxury of going to bed at 7:30, since I am still doing the dinner dishes, because dinner was not eaten until 6:45 because you and your sons are hunting! Therefore, I am not ready to be awake or am not even remotely possibly horny at 3:30 a.m.!!!! Go back to sleep, asshole, and let me wake up on my own. You might find I’m a tad more receptive when I get enough sleep! Don’t blame everything on PMS!! Look in the mirror sometimes!

Confession #1176

I have left a confession on this site before, confidently stating that I was not in love with you anymore.

Three months later, and we have finally seperated. Oh, how strong I was - finally doing what needed to be done so I could get "what I deserved".

I know we can never go back to where we were, and we will never be husband and wife again.

But I wish I could tell you how much I miss you, every single day, and how sorry I am for all of the things that I took for granted about your love, friendship, affection and our relationship.

I wish I could tell you how lonely I am, and how much I have learned through this whole experience.

Like a child, I blamed you for all of our problems, and all of my unhappiness.

But truth be told, I'm "single" now, and more unhappy than ever and I am dealing with more problems than I could have ever imagined.

That is not to say that it is not for the better, but also, the grass is not always greener.

Confession #1177

I hope you don't make me look like the fool. I know that I'm probably going a bit crazy and that I'm dreaming all of this up, but my woman's intuition tells me that you're fooling around with her. You know who I'm talking about. You know that I had a dream about this a year ago. You laughed when I told you about it. Hell, I laughed about it. I'm starting to think I was right though.

We always agreed that if either one of us was ready to move on and be with someone else we would be open about it. We would admit it, leave before fooling around, and get on with our lives. If you want to leave then just leave. Let me live before wasting another day.

If you're not cheating on me then I need you to tell me. I need you to reassure me that you love me more than any other woman on the planet. That no matter what we are in this for the long haul. That we will always be together. That no other woman could ever come between us because we were meant for eachother. Because we are soulmates.

Confession #1178

We have been together 20 years and I love you more than anything but when we are lying in bed at night and you are holding my hand I am dreaming of another man who fucks me like there's no tomorrow, whose kisses light me up from inside. I do love you though.

Confession #1179

Do you really think it's helpful and polite to throw all the dirty dishes and pots and pans from the evening's dinner (that your wife prepared) into the sink and leave them?

Especially since we know who will end up cleaning them up while you wait impatiently so you can turn on the Ti-vo'd shows from the night before.

Double especially since that wife bathes the kids every freaking night while you could be cleaning out the dishwasher and the sink.

Triple especially since you think that the wife will look your way sexually for one.freaking.instant after she's had to clean the kitchen and make the coffee and made to feel bad for not waiting until after you're done watching our shows and doing the nasty to take care of the chores.

I love you very much, but for this kind of selfishness, you can just BITE ME!

Confession #1180

We aren't married, but we talk about it. I love you so
much and I can hardly believe my good luck that I have
found someone as loving as you. I love when you call
or email out of the blue just to tell me that you're
thinking about me. I love it when you ask me so
sweetly for a kiss. I love it that you try so hard
when you think I'm upset with you so that you won't do
whatever it was again.

When you leave to go out of town for work, I
understand that. Really, I do. Sometimes I feel that
you don't miss me as much as I miss you and that
hurts. Even if deep down I know you do, a girl still
needs to hear it. I know you work hard on your
business trips and I love you for that. Sometimes, I
just feel like I'm the only one of us who tries to
keep the connection (both emotional and sexual) going
when you're away. Even when you're here, there is a
physical distance between us and this connection is
important. I just want to be assured that out of sight
isn't out of mind.

I also know that some men don't like public displays
of affection. I am trying to understand that this is
part of your personality. Sometimes I take things too
personally and I feel like you're ashamed of me and
ashamed for people to see us kiss or even hold hands.
I am proud of you, and of our love, and I don't care
if everyone around us can see how much we love each
other. So when I push for kissing or holding your hand
in public, that's the reason. That, and the fact that
I love touching you. And I just want to be close to
you all the time. I love you sweetness and I can't
wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

True Wife Confession 117 Master Chief

Confession #1161

To my dh:

For 13 years I have stood by you, encouraged you, loved you unconditionally. But for the last 8 of those years, I have been so very lonely. You have shut me out physically and emotionally, especially for the last 2 years. I have always been the eye candy on your arm for anything that has been required of you. The last month for me has been really hard. I have done some foolish things, but in the process learned alot about myself and also about you. You trust me. Without a doubt. But you are breaking my heart. And you are completely oblivious to the things I have been doing and probably will continue to do. I am going out more because I can't stand to be at home, its making me crazy. Our kids have suffered so much from your total detachment of our family. You have no idea what you have done to my self-esteem. You have single handedly destroyed me by shutting me out. It hurts so very very much. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this. I am not the maid or the cook or the chaffeur. I finally quit being those things and you haven't really noticed. You have the ability to do all these things for us, for our kids, but you have not chosen to in years. You have always made it very clear that the kids are my responsibility. Maybe if you had left all those years ago things would be better for us both than they are now. I work more than you do now because I choose to. Maybe its my feeling that I do need to prepare myself financially to leave. I need love, I don't survive on a kiss or a hug once in a while. Sex less than 5 times a year does not cut it. That is why I chose to have a couple of fucks with him. I am not dead, and neither are you. Quit kissing me like I'm your grandma! Take me to bed, give me a good fuck, and maybe I'll start working on things more too.

Confession #1162

To my lover:

It's been a 5 month flirtation, and finally came to a head 2 weeks ago. I can't breathe when I'm around you. What amazing sex. But I should have also known better than to think that you are anything but what I think you are. You are a toy. Literally. You love your women, it really doesn't matter who or what or where, you love your women. You insist on telling me you're not "that guy" but you are. Sorry. Wake up honey, us girls all know it. When you picked up that chick in right in front of me who is the dregs of the earth, I was only giving you a reality check. You are "that guy". The truth hurts. Avoid me like you have the last two days. Fine. Whatever. It's the way you play your little game. But I know you'll be back. You always come back. And you will break my heart.

Confession #1163

To my friend:

I am so happy to have you in my life right now. You were the one that gave my head a shake last night, and you were *my* reality check. I cherish the extra time we've had together the last couple days, I will hold it close to my heart and will never let it go. I will be sad if you leave this week, but I know we'll find a way to see each other. You give me what I have been craving - the attention and care that I deserve. You listen to what I have to say, you just want to spend time with me. And its all good hon, its all good. You're not telling me to leave him, you're not telling me to stay. You're telling me to listen to my heart and do what is right for me. I'm trying very hard to find what is right for me, but chances are I'll do nothing, you understand exactly what security and stability are about. All I know is that I can entrust you with my heart and soul and know that you'll be there for me either way because that is just who you are. I will do the same for you, I promise. You are helping me by just being there, by caring. And who knows, maybe we will end up being that crazy couple, happy as clams, wrinkled and lying naked on the beach when we're 80 years old. Giggling. Because we can.

Confession #1164

I drink more than you know about and more often than you think

Confession #1165

I like it when you aren't home sometimes

Confession #1166

I love you honey, but I love my sleep more. For God's sake, stop waking me up in the middle of the night just because you woke up with a hard on! Especially, when we had made love right before bed!! It pisses me off when you need to touch me just to get off. Have the courtesy to go in the bathroom or something and leave me the hell alone when I am sleeping!

Confession #1167

You know we are in serious debt, but you keep spending money on crap like video games & electronics. Please don't tell me it's for the kids, cause you don't let them touch it.

Confession #1168

I really don't have super bad menstrual cramps, but I love that you "take care of me" when I say I do

Confession #1169

To my soon-to-be Husband

I love the fact you know me better than I know myself, can understand the
craziness that is my mental state, and can calm me better than any stupid
drug. I love the fact you don’t make me worse, only better. And I love the
fact that the only two things in life you want are me as your wife and our

But I’m terrified sooner or later you’ll get fed up of how sick I am, or
that your own illness will get worse. It kills me when you’re asleep and
every move is so painful, but you can’t hide it from me, and it tears me up
inside. How many nights have I sat next to you as you slept, stroking your
face every time you made the slightest noise? I hate how much pain your are
in, I hate that its incurable and I hate that there’s nothing I can do, even
though you tell me that I do. I hate that your life got so screwed over by
one bout of food poisoning, and I hate the fact your Doctor is the biggest
idiot on the planet – the painkillers are NOT working and dosing you up on
that many different drugs is going to do more harm than good. If I EVER get
my hands on him I am going to jail for murder – the man is a quack.

And let me tell you something – I know you don’t believe me when I tell you
this but YOU ARE SEXY. I love how long your hair is, how strong your arms
are, how good you feel when we make love. I don’t care that your illness has
made every part of you shrink – if you were still six foot I’d have busted
my neck by now – because you spend so long on foreplay and making ME feel
good that I’m usually so out of my mind with pleasure I don’t notice your
lack of stature in that department. It aint the size of the wand you wave as
long as you can make magic with it. And yes, I really, REALLY enjoy giving
you head. Those noises you make are incredible!

I’m also worried that the reason I haven’t gotten pregnant yet isn’t that
you’re infertile… because I think I might be. You joke about all your health
problems not helping, and I know the bi-weekly “self dilation” (who’s
dumbass idea was it to call it that anyway?) must mess things up a bit, but
it would kill me its my fault.

I love you, but I don’t think I deserve you, and I wish I could make you

Your fiancée.

PS: Ignore my dad, he’s just annoyed he can’t piss me off any more. My mum
loves you, that’s the main thing.

Confession #1170

Last night when you took a night off from playing poker and watched a movie with the kids and I, both kids, the dog and our 2 cats where all on the couch that I was sitting on and you where on your couch all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder why.

Monday, November 13, 2006

True Wife Confession 116 Sonnet

Confession #1151

My dear husband,

He will always be in my heart. Im sorry if that hurts you. He was there long before you came along. On our wedding day though, I gave up the hope of him and I. For the hope of you and I. I was willing to push my feelings for him aside, because I did love you. Not like I love him. Not more. Not less. Just differently. But I knew it was you I wanted a future with.

And now, so many years later. Im not sure anymore.

Over the years we have both done things that are not right. I admit to my fault as much as yours. The little things start to wear on a marriage. It was hard, but I could live with it. I dont remember when I started searching for him again, I just did. Never thinking I would find him. Never thinking I would ever talk to him. I dont know if I even wanted to. It was just a distraction. Something to get me through the day.

It wasnt until she was sick. Until she was dying. Until I had to go through it alone. That I really started to think I couldnt do it anymore. I searched that whole summer for him. I prayed to God everynight to bring him back into my life to help me get through losing her. But he didnt.

Things got even worse between us. But I was still hanging on. Hanging onto the hope I had the day I married you. Then, you threatened me into doing something that I never believed in. And I had to go through it alone. I know you have said your sorry, but I just dont think I can ever get past it. I told you this before, but I was so scared of losing you. Instead I lost me.

I found me again. In him. One phone call and I felt like I had come home. I remembered the girl I used to be before I let you break me. He has this way of making me absolutely love who I am. And I hate myself when Im around you.

You dont have to worry, there is nothing going on between us. I love hearing his voice and talking to him about all the things you wont. He knows what I did. He never once judged me. And somehow made me feel like I can forgive myself for it.

Yet things with you and I are no better. We are still struggling. Still trying to hold on. Somedays I dont think either of us know why anymore. We love each other, and most days we like each other. But we are not good for each other.

If we could only go back and redo the past two years, than I wouldve been with you forever.

I hate to say it, and I know you feel it, but I dont have any hope left for us.

Confession #1152

I saw you looking at her at the party. You weren’t oogling or gawking at her, you just noticed her, and how could you not, everyone did. She looked absolutely stunning. I did not get mad at you because I look at other men that are attractive, it’s just looking, I know I don’t fantasize about them and I hope you don’t fantasize about other women. I think it’s normal to notice attractive people. But when I saw you look at her, I knew, others may not have, but I have known you for 10 years and I knew, because fifty pounds ago, you looked at me like that, and that’s what hurts. I miss those looks.

Confession #1153

You irritate me so.

Confession #1154

Just wondering what it must feel like to be so perfect - I mean honestly, as you point out each and every one of my faults as a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a human, I just have to wonder, how did I happen to snag Jesus Christ? Confucius? Buddah? Mohammed? Allah? God? Yahweh?

Cause as you rail on about how lazy I am, I just have to think what it must feel to be perfection.


Confession #1155

I went out on Friday night like I usually do. I was not looking for anything, only to have some fun after a very long stressful day. We had been flirting the last few times we saw each other. Maybe it was the alcohol but he said things that made me feel really good. He told me I was beautiful. Said that he could fall in love with me, why is life so unfair? He was hung up on the married part but I told him not to think about it. I never expected it to go as far as it did. He quickly kissed me. After sitting at the bar and holding hands and just looking at each other and talking in each other's ears we both thought we should go home. He pulled me into the bathroom, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. We had a full-on make out session. We chose to leave thru the back door. We couldn't get it open. We laughed and we made out again. We touched each other. He kicked the door open and we made out again in the alley. He offered to drive me to my car and we kissed some more. When we got to my car, we made out again. It was exhilarating. Now I can't get him out of my head and am longing to see him again. My head is spinning...

Confession #1156

Why do you insist on us going out as a "family" and then pout and act pissy all night because your child acts out in public? This isn't new behavior. This isn't an occasional reaction by you. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you wonder why I say I would rather say home? I mother one actual child, and mothering you just pisses me off.

Confession #1157

I hate that you watch TV for the sake of watching TV.

Confession #1158

Yes I did back over the 100 dollar baby stroller with my car, and no it never did push straight after that

Confession #1159

All of the texts I get? They aren't all from girls

Confession #1160

Relationship? Not much of one. Zero balance…the scales are completely tipped. I give and I give. I care more for you than I do for anyone or anything else, including my family and me. And, just as I realize that I’m not receiving anything in return, aside from heartbreak, you sense my discomfort and give just enough to spark my hope that things could eventually change, if only I work hard enough to prove myself to you.

Even worse, when you decide to provide that crumb of tenderness I crave, I start imagining that the lack of caring and affection I feel is just my own insecurity, another one of my many imperfections, and that maybe you’re just so comfortable with me that you don’t feel the need to assure me that you want to be with me. I often can’t decide whether you simply take for granted all that I am, or if what I feel for you is totally one-sided and you simply continue to use me until such a time that you feel strong enough to move on into the world in order to find what you really want.

I’m not doing myself any favours by allowing you to hurt me with your callousness and distance. I’m compounding the problem by keeping silent when there are things that I feel bothered by. Every time I hold back about what happens to me when I feel belittled by you, I take more and more away from myself. Soon enough I will be totally buried by insecurity and smothered by the knowledge that, once again, I could not measure up.

Little by little, because I don’t communicate all the things that are inside me, I start to see an amount of insensitivity in you that I never would have suspected could exist. I start to see that people are all the same, the ways in which they take may differ, but a taker will always take and a giver will continue to give - long after there is nothing left to spare.

In spite of all this, in spite of the fact that soon there will be nothing left of me, still I stay, because I’m afraid that my many mistakes and my tendency to consistently get things wrong dictate how deserving I am of affection and love. And, while you don’t satisfy my very human need to feel wanted and appreciated, I accept that no one worthwhile ever will. Thus I continue to try harder to please you…and the cycle continues.

What’s worse, what makes it more devastating than you could possibly imagine, is that I love you. When you hurt, I hurt. I would have given anything to take the pain from you and contend with it myself. When I waited so long to hear that you were ok, when I finally began to fear the worst, I prayed that your life be spared on that table and that I be struck dead instead. I would have gladly died if it meant that you would be healthy. I would take the love I feel for you back, but I can’t. It’s not something I choose. Absolutely not. I would have retrieved it long ago if that were the case. It’s something that is a part of me yet has a life of it’s own. It’s part of me, yet it belongs to you.

Friday, November 10, 2006

True Wife Confession 115 Bourbon Street

Confession #1141

Now that I see how you interact with the puppy, I'm not sure we should be having kids soon. I mean you are great about many things, but you get whiny and mean when the puppy has kept you up or woken you up early. What do you think a baby will do? It might help if you went to bed at a decent time, you know.

Confession #1142

at the party, I made out with your friend Rob. Then, I made out with Aaron. THEN, I made out with Aaron's wife.
So there.

Confession #1143

Last week you told me that you still loved me but you aren't in love with me anymore.

Fuck You.

I've stood by you through so much the last 7 years. I've been a good stepmom to your kids and a good mom to our kids. I'm sorry I didn't get help with my postpartum until now, but who cares because now you don't love me?

Go to hell. I've always been there for you and always loved you. Why do I deserve this shit from you?

Confession #1144

Dear Husband,
You are the greatest. You never complain, you never put me down, you are just there, for me, and our family all of the time....our son adores you and our new adopted daughter worships the ground you walk on. When I mentioned the other day maybe adopting again, and special needs this time, you said "our van has enough seats, let's look into it".

You are everything that my first husband was not. I love you so much!

A loving wife.

Confession #1145

Today I uploaded our digital pictures and came across one of you and the
baby. I caught you by surprise and you're both looking at me with the
biggest, brightest, most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I felt an
immense rush of love for you then, and I couldn't wait for you to come home
so I could kiss you.

When you got home from work, your breath smelled like Marlboro Reds and I
had to turn away. I wish you understood how much this disappoints me.

Confession #1146

Ok, here it is...

I don't know if I love you or not, even though I tell you I do. I feel very strongly for you and I've known you a really long time, but love? I don't know. What I do know is that I should have slept with you when I had the chance, and that having hot, dirty sex with you is constantly on my mind. And you want to be with me - you want me to just say 'yes'. And instead I say 'no' because I choose to stay faithful to my marriage and not cheat. I'm a mother of small children and married and won't cheat just for sex - even though the sex would be mind-blowing. Yes, my husband is thoughtless and dreadfully boring in bed and a cheater himself. The temptation of sex with you is still not enough to make me want to risk losing my family. Why? Because even though I want to be with you, what kind of life could we have together if he left me for cheating? Seriously. Get a job. Get a real place to live. Have some ambition in your life! Make some MONEY. I know you're an 'artist' and you feel compelled to follow your dreams - but you are 35 years old. No one is banging down your door, no one is going to 'discover' you. I might be able to really love you, if you could just do something worthwhile with your life and earn my admiration.

I haven't had sex with my husband but a handful of times the entire year, and those times have been excrutiatingly dull and mechanical. That will not change - I am doomed to a nearly sexless existence. Still, I prefer safe and boring and secure to hot kinky sex every day with a loser. No amount of awesome sex is worth risking my family, not for someone who won't get a JOB. So you wonder why I won't cheat? THIS is why.

Confession #1147

We are separated and I have our kids. You’d think that if you truly wanted to stay married, you’d kiss up a bit. Apologize. Quit giving me constructive criticism. As the counselor said, “You are going to lose your wife, if you continue providing constructive criticism. She considers it abusive. “ You chose not to stop. Well, buddy…ya lost me. My attorney is sending you the papers this week. Oddly enough, I don’t feel sad but rather a huge sense of relief.

Confession #1148

Yes, your obesity is a problem.

You're not even thirty yet, and already have sleep apnea. You sleep
constantly, and I really think it's because of your weight and the apnea.
You're missing out on time with your son, and I'm afraid if you don't lose
the weight you'll miss out permanently. I'm afraid to send you to the
doctor for a physical, because I'm afraid we're going to find out you're
diabetic, among other things.

And it DOES impact our sex life.

I know you've been losing weight, and I AM proud of you, but it's a CONSTANT
battle, and it's tiring for me to have to watch you constantly to police
everything you put in your mouth. Getting you to exercise is nearly
impossible. I can't help but wonder: if you really wanted this for
yourself, would I have to be on you every single day like this? Would you be
fighting me every step of the way like this? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing
as much work as you are, for YOU to lose the weight. And it's a really
thankless job. You've told me, when I complain, that you do appreciate what
I'm doing, but still every day you act like it's ME imposing upon YOU with
these demands.

I love you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. And I know
you think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but sometimes I worry that the
rest of our lives isn't going to be that long ... because you're not even
thirty and you already STOP BREATHING WHEN YOU SLEEP.

Confession #1149

Everyone – family, friends, and my customers – helped me celebrate my 38th birthday. It was lovely. I felt so warm and loved. My husband called and made me cry. He badgered me until I cried. What would have been wrong with calling and wishing me a happy birthday? Invite me out to dinner. What about a card or present. He wants me to dismiss the divorce. Hmm….how about showing a bit of kindness?

Confession #1150

When you kiss me I secretly puke in my mouth. I have hated you ever since I found out you were still talking to her. No you did not have sex, but telling her you love her and want to have a family with her is worse. Secretly meeting with her and finding ways to see her. You tell me you love me? I think you just say that so I won't walk out. So many times I have walked out. But I walk back because the home is my security. I am so glad you spend most of your time out of town to work. Thats my piece of mind. And don't think I am a dumbass when you ask me what I am doing every second of the day. Making sure I am not going to visit you and screw up your secret life. Good God idiot. I hate that I hate myself for staying. I hate that I always want to know whos calling. You get mad and ask me whats wrong when I go into a daze? Well asshole how about feeling like Im second place. I am tired of rehearsing and putting on a show for all of our friends and family.

You say you keep trying to make things better? How are you doing that. By talking in your sleep of how much you love her and want to be with her. When I ask you about it you say you have no idea why your thinking this. Once again idiot. I am so tired of lying to you all the time about how things are getting better. I say that so you will just leave me alone. Your constant need to be around me now is a little to late. Your love letters saying how sorry you are, ya your a sorry piece of work and I just toss them away.

I keep asking myself why I will not leave. There is only one reason. You are an incredible father and have never made the children feel like they are second place. You give them so much attention and make their world so much better. They don't know you have lied. They don't know you have made mommy cry. They don't know that this year you have taken home the idiot award. I will never tell them. They don't need to know.

I wish I could tell you that you have completely destroyed me. Destroyed my faith in you and what we once had. I dont trust or or belive anything you say. I also hope you just walk out the door and not come home. That would make things easier for me, for the kids no but for me yes. So I will just go on daydreaming that the whore leaves her husband and comes to get you.