Confession #1611
one day I will get the strength to leave
Confession #1612
I realize it has not been long, but I have never been more certain in my
life. Every time I look into your eyes, I fall in love with you all over
again.
During the time that we have spent together, you have changed me (for the
better) in more ways I ever believed were possible. A feat that no one has
been able to do, not even myself.
Despite all my flaws, which are far too many to name, you have managed to
love me just the same.
Often enough, I can’t even find the words to describe what you make me feel.
Even a Thesaurus would be of no use.
I know I’ve said this before, but I truly mean it with all my heart, I love
you and appreciate you more than I probably let on.
There isn’t another person that I could imagine being with forever and just
the idea alone brings a smile to my face.
I love you Sweetheart. Happy Valentine’s Day.
xoxox
Confession #1613
I know we are getting married soon, but I can't stop thinking of him. I've
tried so many things to forget him. Even though you are a good, handsome
man, I have been in love with him for years. I know he has nothing to offer
me as far as family and commitment, and I am heartbroken that he doesn't
love me the way i do him. I still dream about him and I miss him so much it
hurts my heart. I just want to kiss him one more time. I wish I could be a
good wife and have a loyal heart. But the truth is if he asked me tomorrow,
I would go. I'm so sorry.
Confession #1614
Tonight, when you told me that I had gotten too fat, just like your ex, I wanted to stick my foot up your ass. YOU'VE gained weight too fucker. And you did it on VALENTINE'S DAY.
Confession #1615
the more you talk about this float trip the more uncomfortable i get... because of what happened when you went last year... and you know what I'm talking about...i dunno if you could tell by the look on my face every time you bring it up.....and i think i have every right to feel that way...i was a lot nicer about it last time than i should have been... I'm not sure i will be able to if it happens again....just had to get that off my chest...and give you something to think about.... how would you feel if the tables were turned... more than likely you would feel the same way i do about it....this may sound childish,immature or bitchy but if you allow her to touch you like that again i can't have you here...i don't care how sore i am I'm not going to go to another man for a massage... there have been times i was tempted cause i was hurting really bad but i couldn't allow myself to do that. there is no reason for anyone else to be touching me in that way other than you. i would like to think you feel the same way. but apparently you don't or at least then you didn't. lets hope things have changed and that you feel the same way i do. cause honestly this could make or break us... i have told you how i feel about it i just hope you think about it before you do anything. cause this time I'm serious. i really don't know what else to say about it.. i shouldn't have to say any of it but i am just so you know. i just dont know what to do anymore. it seems that at times your friendship with her is more important thatn bein with me. cause you had no issue with givin our relationship up in the past but you are puttin up one hell of a fight for her. as much as i hate to say it it make me wonder who you really love. we have 10 years and you have less than a year of knowin her.
Confession #1616
Thank you. For putting in the effort to surprise me on Valentine's Day and
making it so very special. I would have been happy with the card and
flowers, but you went that extra mile and it means a lot to me you took a
night off so I wouldn't have to sit home all night alone on Valentine's Day.
It is hard working different shifts but it makes the time we are together
mean that much more. I truly love you and am so happy we found each other.
Confession #1617
To my husband:
I can't shake this feeling that you are keeping something from me. The feeling that the life we have together is slipping away. You are truly a great husband and I am so glad that we found each other. But lately, things are getting away from us. Have you done something I need to know about? Are you thinking of doing something? I don't know but it is eating me up inside.
I feel like I need to begin distancing myself emotionally in order to make the hurt that I feel is coming smaller. The walls that we worked so hard to take down are being built up again. This makes me so sad. I so don't want to be disappointed in you. You are truely the man of my dreams and I don't want to have to rethink my choice. I don't know what to do. You tell me I have nothing to worry about, but something is off.
If you want out, I just wish you would tell me.
Confession #1618
Thank you for telling your brother to get his head out of his ass and help out around the house. I know you were just sparing him from my wrath, but I still appreciate it.
Confession #1619
We go through this every year on your birthday. Although you are physically still here, you abandon me and go into a cave of depression so deep that I've given up hope of reaching you there. I can see it coming as we get closer to the date. One day you are fine, the next you aren't feeling so well. The day after that you start going to work early and staying late. You stop talking to me except for very basic stuff. You do that for several days with the date of your birthday being the worst. On that day you leave before I get up and you stay at your shop until at least 11 p.m. Then you crawl into bed without a word and move as far away from me as possible. On that day you do not even answer your cell phone for fear that someone will wish you a happy birthday. You won't take gifts from me. If someone else sends you a gift or a card, you loose it in one of the piles of stuff in your office. The day after, things begin to improve but it still takes several days for you to fully emerge from that cave. Often, you emerge angry and our first conversation degenerates into a fight.
I wish I understood it. I wish I could get into your head and erase whatever childhood trauma made you hate yourself so much that you cannot stand even the slightest hint that someone cares about you on your birthday. I love you so much but it hurts to be around you this week.
Confession #1620
Even though you never said anything about my weight gain (and thank you for that), I have noticed that, now that I'm losing it, you have become more attentive in bed. More like it was when we first met. What an incentive!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
True Wife Confession 161 Palindrome
Confession #1601
i have no problem with the little things. the lack of help cleaning or
picking up after yourself. the strange habits you have. i've had female
roommates who have been much harder to live with. i understand that we are
bound to get on each other's nerves from time to time. i know it makes you
happy when i keep the house nice. that's one of the only things that prompts
appreciation from you.
what i cannot understand is your controlling attitude that popped up after
we got married. during that first year you checked my mileage, phone calls,
and bank account to make sure i wasn't hiding things from you. i wasn't. but
now i am, because i realize that you are not reasonable. i wish i could tell
you that i keep in touch with a couple ex-boyfriends, but i'm scared of what
you would do. when i got a ride home from work last friday, you flipped out
because it was from a GUY, instead of seeing it as a favor to both of us.
Confession #1602
I knew when I heard the sound of your voice tonight. I hate the way you sound. I hate the things you say. I hate your attitude. I hate that I try so hard to get you to snap out of it. I hate that I take it and don't tell you how I really feel.
Why do I think this time will be different? You sent me an email after our conversation last night thanking me. We had a wonderful conversation. We both expressed our views. We both enjoyed it. We made plans. Tonight, you don't even make sense. You treat me like crap. Our plans don't matter. I don't matter. What does matter?
You have a problem. The problem isn't me. It isn't us. It isn't the things I say. It isn't because you're angry. It isn't frustration. It's one small thing. Fix this one thing, and we'll be great. It's just one thing!
Everything going in the right direction. We're where we want to be. I just hate days like these. I don't deserve this. If only you could see yourself, hear yourself. You've got to do something before it's too late!
I hate you like this. I hate you when you're drunk!
Confession #1603
So here's mine:
For a long chunk of our three years together, I had doubts about whether I
was really ready to settle down. I even doubted if it was to be with you.
But you proved your true colors during our latest big crisis. You proved to
me that you were willing to stand behind me and do what it took to keep me
sane and happy. You showed me that you love me as much as I love you and
that you don't want a life without me. I knew you were scared about every
part of this. You were wondering how the fuck we were going to do it with
you being the sole provider. But you didn't flinch once at the thought of us
having to pick up our "kids" and starting an altogether new life.
Now that we're over it, I can't help but feel we've grown another step
closer. We have been through hell and back these past couple weeks. You have
put up with more than most anyone else would have. Now when I come home late
after a grueling lecture, it doesn't matter how tired I am. I stay awake as
long as possible so I can watch you sleep. So I can remember just how lucky
I am to have you in my life.
I love you.......
Confession #1604
Dear Husband,
I confess that I hate you right now! I hate you, hate you, hate you! The sight of you makes me sick! I don't want to see you, smell you you or have you breathing my air! The very fact that you think calling me during the day "just to tell me you love me" makes me want to gag! And then want to throw a shoe at you! You are a selfish lying jerk who deserves to be slapped for hurting me! I however deserve better than you! You are lucky to have me! Lucky to have someone who can overlook the fact that you are fat, have bad teeth, and smell like B.O.!!
Even more lucky that I love you and want to try and work through the fact that you have "somehow" lost thousands of dollars, almost lost us our house if it weren't for me stepping in to take care of business, and are now "addicted" to internet porn! BS! No one is "addicted" to playing with themselves! You know what? I'm addicted too!! Yeah! Addicted! To thinking about slamming your head into the headboard while you sleep! I can't seem to get the thought out of my mind! I must be "addicted".
How dare you? How dare you leave your porn all over our computer for me to find, after I told you how it made me feel? The very fact that YOU made ME feel as if I were unattractive to YOU is enough to make me want to strangle you! Yet, I am supposed to feel sorry for you, because of your "addiction"? Hell no! You have placed my childrens' happiness on the line because you lied to my face about it all!! Damn you for it all! Damn you for me having to look at you every day knowing you might as well have cheated on me! And knowing I won't leave because I won't put my kids through another divorce.
The real confession? I will if you mess with me one more time. Go ahead, hurt me again. I will take everything you have, down to the toilet paper! I am far too intelligent, attractive, hard working, and deserving of good to have you hurt me.
Confession #1605
I am sick of crying everyday about the way you make me feel. I am sick of hurting. I know I've gained weight since we've been together, but making me feel crappy about it only makes me feel worse, and even less motivated to do anything about it.
Confession #1606
I had a relationship with your husband. He took a job on the road for the last 4 and a half years to escape making a decision about your relationship, but he's still your husband. He told me that he only stayed "married" to help you with your health insurance. I know now that it was a lie. He is incapable of love. I once asked him to name something he liked about me. he couldn't. I stayed with him "even though" as I imagine that you do. Hoping, aching for something better. I am done with him now. I hope you are too. You deserve better -- better than a man that sleeps with women like me while you take care of his house, his dogs and his family. I am sorry. I am so sorry for both you and I.
Confession #1607
i wish you would be supportive of my hopes and dreams, but mostly you feel
threatened. i don't know why. we don't converse much when we eat out or
drive together in the car, and if we do it somehow turns into an argument. i
try to talk to you about having our future - buying a house, having kids -
but you give vague answers. you refuse to validate my feelings. you insist
i'm angry/upset when i'm not. nd if i am, you make light of it. if something
doesn't bother you, then it's not real. if you get mad at me, you refuse to
discuss it in a normal tone of voice, and i end up getting the silent
treatment until you're over it. and once you're over it you expect me to be
too and pretend like nothing happened
Confession #1608
You claim you want to know what is wrong with our marriage. But every time I try to tell you, you walk away and do not want to hear it.
I have tried to tell you, and I have tried to fix the problems, maybe I am what is wrong. How can I compete with a computer?
You love your computer game more than you love me. You spend every waking hour at home with your computer game, leaving me to find my own entertainment. Leaving me to find my own source of love and affection.
You thought at first that my explorations were a result of something you wanted. However little did you know that my explorations were something I had started months before that first dare?
In my "friends"
I found companionship.
I found passion.
I found caring.
I found love.
I found wonderful sex, mind blowing sex.
I found people willing to spend time with me, willing to hold me, willing to just veg and watch tv with me, willing to take the day for a day trip around the country, or to a play with me.
I found someone willing to spend every waking minute with me if he could.
And I found that really you did not care, as long as you got your sex, and as long as you weren't bothered to stop playing your games.
But I also found heartache, because that person wasn't truthful about what they wanted, and when they were called away everything came crashing down.
You think that I would never have left you for him.
You are wrong. If he would have been truthful, if he would have asked, I would have been gone, and I would have taken everything you say you treasure with me.
Except of course that stupid computer.
Now I am here, in a place I don't care for, with no friends. The no friends is my own doing of course, because I can't bear to be hurt again. I can't bear to have someone tell me that they love me, because they think since I am married I am safe, and that I wont want anything more. I can't bear to be heartbroken again.
I do still love you, but it is a different love now than it was when we first married. It is the love of someone that shares a family with you, and a space with you. But I can't stand for you to touch me. That has nothing to do with my "female problems", it has to do with you.
What hurts the most is if the last one would come back, I would forgive him in a heartbeat, and leave with him. I know its not going to happen so I am doing my best to be with you.
Confession #1609
and you wonder why i don't ever want sex. you think i'm crazy when i say
that it's natural for sex to decrease after 8 years of being together. but
why would i want to have sex when i'm angry at you so often? and how can i
even get turned on when you refuse to let me see you naked. you hide in the
bathroom or closet when you get dressed. if i try to touch you anywhere
under your clothes you act like i'm violating you in some way. if for some
reason i'm magically in the mood, you will not come near me unless i've just
taken a shower, like i'm some kind of unclean person. and if we surmount all
those obstacles and actually do have sex, you will only do it in one way.
sometimes in my head i check off your moves as you make them. you are so
damn predicable. and, frankly, boring. is something wrong with me? i'm
young, i work out, i haven't gained weight since we got married...i'm
starting to wonder.
when i express that i'm not happy with our relationship, you say that if i
would just change my attitude there would be no problem. i'm willing to
acknowledge my part, i know i'm not the easiest person to live with, but i
know it's not always me. it's never always just one person, but you're never
wrong. and i can't think of more than 1 or 2 times that you've apologized to
me.
i've tried counseling, but the one time to agreed to go you refused to
participate and then mocked it afterwards, saying it was a complete waste of
time. it is if you refuse to talk. i've tried counseling on my own, but i
always reach the place where i can't continue without your presence, because
our lives are entwined.
i don't know where this relationship can go from here. i'm scared, because a
lot of the time i dread being at home. and i'm starting to be attracted to
other people, people who listen to me and validate me and with whom i can
have actual conversation. i guess i'm just waiting until i reach the point
where i can't handle any more.
COnfession #1610
I hate the way you deceived me by acting like someone you weren’t. I hate that you changed. I hate the way you treat me. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way I treat you because of the pain I feel. I hate that I dread coming home. I hate that I dread that you’ll be there. I hate that I feel like I can’t talk to you. I hate that you don’t talk to me. I hate that you lie. I hate that you do things behind my back. I hate that you try to cover your ass by getting mad at me. I hate that you get pissed off anytime I want to express my feelings. I hate that you make me feel like I can’t cry. I hate that you brush me aside when it comes to working things out. I hate that you avoid me. I hate that you don’t touch me. I hate that you don’t express your feelings the way you used to. I hate that I feel obligated to please you all the time. I hate that my life has become all about you. I hate that you still have a life without me. I hate that I’m jealous of you. I hate that you won’t be intimate unless I’m wearing the right outfit. I hate that I feel like you don’t love me for me. I hate that I feel like I’m never going to be good enough. I hate that you feel like your life would be better if I weren’t here. I hate that you feel spiteful towards me. I hate that you wish you never met me. I hate that you wish you were alone. I hate that we can’t be happy. I hate that I’m unhappy. I hate that I have changed to suit you. But most of all I hate that I still care.
i have no problem with the little things. the lack of help cleaning or
picking up after yourself. the strange habits you have. i've had female
roommates who have been much harder to live with. i understand that we are
bound to get on each other's nerves from time to time. i know it makes you
happy when i keep the house nice. that's one of the only things that prompts
appreciation from you.
what i cannot understand is your controlling attitude that popped up after
we got married. during that first year you checked my mileage, phone calls,
and bank account to make sure i wasn't hiding things from you. i wasn't. but
now i am, because i realize that you are not reasonable. i wish i could tell
you that i keep in touch with a couple ex-boyfriends, but i'm scared of what
you would do. when i got a ride home from work last friday, you flipped out
because it was from a GUY, instead of seeing it as a favor to both of us.
Confession #1602
I knew when I heard the sound of your voice tonight. I hate the way you sound. I hate the things you say. I hate your attitude. I hate that I try so hard to get you to snap out of it. I hate that I take it and don't tell you how I really feel.
Why do I think this time will be different? You sent me an email after our conversation last night thanking me. We had a wonderful conversation. We both expressed our views. We both enjoyed it. We made plans. Tonight, you don't even make sense. You treat me like crap. Our plans don't matter. I don't matter. What does matter?
You have a problem. The problem isn't me. It isn't us. It isn't the things I say. It isn't because you're angry. It isn't frustration. It's one small thing. Fix this one thing, and we'll be great. It's just one thing!
Everything going in the right direction. We're where we want to be. I just hate days like these. I don't deserve this. If only you could see yourself, hear yourself. You've got to do something before it's too late!
I hate you like this. I hate you when you're drunk!
Confession #1603
So here's mine:
For a long chunk of our three years together, I had doubts about whether I
was really ready to settle down. I even doubted if it was to be with you.
But you proved your true colors during our latest big crisis. You proved to
me that you were willing to stand behind me and do what it took to keep me
sane and happy. You showed me that you love me as much as I love you and
that you don't want a life without me. I knew you were scared about every
part of this. You were wondering how the fuck we were going to do it with
you being the sole provider. But you didn't flinch once at the thought of us
having to pick up our "kids" and starting an altogether new life.
Now that we're over it, I can't help but feel we've grown another step
closer. We have been through hell and back these past couple weeks. You have
put up with more than most anyone else would have. Now when I come home late
after a grueling lecture, it doesn't matter how tired I am. I stay awake as
long as possible so I can watch you sleep. So I can remember just how lucky
I am to have you in my life.
I love you.......
Confession #1604
Dear Husband,
I confess that I hate you right now! I hate you, hate you, hate you! The sight of you makes me sick! I don't want to see you, smell you you or have you breathing my air! The very fact that you think calling me during the day "just to tell me you love me" makes me want to gag! And then want to throw a shoe at you! You are a selfish lying jerk who deserves to be slapped for hurting me! I however deserve better than you! You are lucky to have me! Lucky to have someone who can overlook the fact that you are fat, have bad teeth, and smell like B.O.!!
Even more lucky that I love you and want to try and work through the fact that you have "somehow" lost thousands of dollars, almost lost us our house if it weren't for me stepping in to take care of business, and are now "addicted" to internet porn! BS! No one is "addicted" to playing with themselves! You know what? I'm addicted too!! Yeah! Addicted! To thinking about slamming your head into the headboard while you sleep! I can't seem to get the thought out of my mind! I must be "addicted".
How dare you? How dare you leave your porn all over our computer for me to find, after I told you how it made me feel? The very fact that YOU made ME feel as if I were unattractive to YOU is enough to make me want to strangle you! Yet, I am supposed to feel sorry for you, because of your "addiction"? Hell no! You have placed my childrens' happiness on the line because you lied to my face about it all!! Damn you for it all! Damn you for me having to look at you every day knowing you might as well have cheated on me! And knowing I won't leave because I won't put my kids through another divorce.
The real confession? I will if you mess with me one more time. Go ahead, hurt me again. I will take everything you have, down to the toilet paper! I am far too intelligent, attractive, hard working, and deserving of good to have you hurt me.
Confession #1605
I am sick of crying everyday about the way you make me feel. I am sick of hurting. I know I've gained weight since we've been together, but making me feel crappy about it only makes me feel worse, and even less motivated to do anything about it.
Confession #1606
I had a relationship with your husband. He took a job on the road for the last 4 and a half years to escape making a decision about your relationship, but he's still your husband. He told me that he only stayed "married" to help you with your health insurance. I know now that it was a lie. He is incapable of love. I once asked him to name something he liked about me. he couldn't. I stayed with him "even though" as I imagine that you do. Hoping, aching for something better. I am done with him now. I hope you are too. You deserve better -- better than a man that sleeps with women like me while you take care of his house, his dogs and his family. I am sorry. I am so sorry for both you and I.
Confession #1607
i wish you would be supportive of my hopes and dreams, but mostly you feel
threatened. i don't know why. we don't converse much when we eat out or
drive together in the car, and if we do it somehow turns into an argument. i
try to talk to you about having our future - buying a house, having kids -
but you give vague answers. you refuse to validate my feelings. you insist
i'm angry/upset when i'm not. nd if i am, you make light of it. if something
doesn't bother you, then it's not real. if you get mad at me, you refuse to
discuss it in a normal tone of voice, and i end up getting the silent
treatment until you're over it. and once you're over it you expect me to be
too and pretend like nothing happened
Confession #1608
You claim you want to know what is wrong with our marriage. But every time I try to tell you, you walk away and do not want to hear it.
I have tried to tell you, and I have tried to fix the problems, maybe I am what is wrong. How can I compete with a computer?
You love your computer game more than you love me. You spend every waking hour at home with your computer game, leaving me to find my own entertainment. Leaving me to find my own source of love and affection.
You thought at first that my explorations were a result of something you wanted. However little did you know that my explorations were something I had started months before that first dare?
In my "friends"
I found companionship.
I found passion.
I found caring.
I found love.
I found wonderful sex, mind blowing sex.
I found people willing to spend time with me, willing to hold me, willing to just veg and watch tv with me, willing to take the day for a day trip around the country, or to a play with me.
I found someone willing to spend every waking minute with me if he could.
And I found that really you did not care, as long as you got your sex, and as long as you weren't bothered to stop playing your games.
But I also found heartache, because that person wasn't truthful about what they wanted, and when they were called away everything came crashing down.
You think that I would never have left you for him.
You are wrong. If he would have been truthful, if he would have asked, I would have been gone, and I would have taken everything you say you treasure with me.
Except of course that stupid computer.
Now I am here, in a place I don't care for, with no friends. The no friends is my own doing of course, because I can't bear to be hurt again. I can't bear to have someone tell me that they love me, because they think since I am married I am safe, and that I wont want anything more. I can't bear to be heartbroken again.
I do still love you, but it is a different love now than it was when we first married. It is the love of someone that shares a family with you, and a space with you. But I can't stand for you to touch me. That has nothing to do with my "female problems", it has to do with you.
What hurts the most is if the last one would come back, I would forgive him in a heartbeat, and leave with him. I know its not going to happen so I am doing my best to be with you.
Confession #1609
and you wonder why i don't ever want sex. you think i'm crazy when i say
that it's natural for sex to decrease after 8 years of being together. but
why would i want to have sex when i'm angry at you so often? and how can i
even get turned on when you refuse to let me see you naked. you hide in the
bathroom or closet when you get dressed. if i try to touch you anywhere
under your clothes you act like i'm violating you in some way. if for some
reason i'm magically in the mood, you will not come near me unless i've just
taken a shower, like i'm some kind of unclean person. and if we surmount all
those obstacles and actually do have sex, you will only do it in one way.
sometimes in my head i check off your moves as you make them. you are so
damn predicable. and, frankly, boring. is something wrong with me? i'm
young, i work out, i haven't gained weight since we got married...i'm
starting to wonder.
when i express that i'm not happy with our relationship, you say that if i
would just change my attitude there would be no problem. i'm willing to
acknowledge my part, i know i'm not the easiest person to live with, but i
know it's not always me. it's never always just one person, but you're never
wrong. and i can't think of more than 1 or 2 times that you've apologized to
me.
i've tried counseling, but the one time to agreed to go you refused to
participate and then mocked it afterwards, saying it was a complete waste of
time. it is if you refuse to talk. i've tried counseling on my own, but i
always reach the place where i can't continue without your presence, because
our lives are entwined.
i don't know where this relationship can go from here. i'm scared, because a
lot of the time i dread being at home. and i'm starting to be attracted to
other people, people who listen to me and validate me and with whom i can
have actual conversation. i guess i'm just waiting until i reach the point
where i can't handle any more.
COnfession #1610
I hate the way you deceived me by acting like someone you weren’t. I hate that you changed. I hate the way you treat me. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way I treat you because of the pain I feel. I hate that I dread coming home. I hate that I dread that you’ll be there. I hate that I feel like I can’t talk to you. I hate that you don’t talk to me. I hate that you lie. I hate that you do things behind my back. I hate that you try to cover your ass by getting mad at me. I hate that you get pissed off anytime I want to express my feelings. I hate that you make me feel like I can’t cry. I hate that you brush me aside when it comes to working things out. I hate that you avoid me. I hate that you don’t touch me. I hate that you don’t express your feelings the way you used to. I hate that I feel obligated to please you all the time. I hate that my life has become all about you. I hate that you still have a life without me. I hate that I’m jealous of you. I hate that you won’t be intimate unless I’m wearing the right outfit. I hate that I feel like you don’t love me for me. I hate that I feel like I’m never going to be good enough. I hate that you feel like your life would be better if I weren’t here. I hate that you feel spiteful towards me. I hate that you wish you never met me. I hate that you wish you were alone. I hate that we can’t be happy. I hate that I’m unhappy. I hate that I have changed to suit you. But most of all I hate that I still care.
Monday, February 19, 2007
True Wife Confessions 160 sesame seeds on a bagel
Confession #1591
Sometimes I wonder--even though I love you so much...is it possible
for me to stay with you when I don't like nor trust your friends?
Confession #1592
i am in love with someone. a woman.
i know. i can't believe it either.
the surprising thing is that loving her doesn't make me love you any less.
i still want you. i still need you . i still love you.
but somedays i feel like i will die if i can't have you both.
Confession #1593
Dear Husband,
Sometimes I look at you and just want you to disappear, for every memory I have of you to be erased from my mind. I want to go back in time and never meet you. I want to be the person that I am in my mind. The one who is happy, and social and successful. Not this woman who is a prisoner to her marriage, to her children. The woman who lives in the computer, who has no identity, who doesn't have a chance in hell if you were to leave her.
I love you, I really do, but I hate you even more sometimes.
You seem to have sucked every ounce of confidence from my soul. I can't make a decision for fear that it will be the WRONG decision in your eyes. I can't make myself into anything more than a piece of furniture in this crooked house.
I love you I REALLY do, but sometimes I think you are evil... sometimes I think you KNOW we'd both be better people if we weren't together.... I think you feel the same way I do. I think you want to go back in time and undo us, and be the person that you wish you could be.
I really do love you....
Confession #1594
I know that you don't understand why I am so crabby sometimes. I know that you tolerate it or ignore it. All I can tell you is that I am trying to get better - I really, really am. There are just things inside me I can't quite control yet, so I try to shield you from my demons until I can get them locked back up. It's coming, it truly is - I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. I love you sweetie.
Confession #1595
I always wondered if, because you are younger than me, you had an idealistic
view of love. You assured me that mine was simply tainted by my past and it
was real true deep love. I just went in to kiss you goodnight and you were
asleep, dreaming , smiling. I kissed you on the forehead and you awoke,
horrified. Not 2 weeks ago you would have both smiled and slept deeper for
that kiss. I don't know what is happening. I know sometimes I can be
horrible but I'm having a tough time. Where has it all gone? Where. To ideal
heaven??? I just feel like an idiot for believing in these fanciful dreams
in the first place. I asked you to tell me you don't love me and you said
you don't "like" me. Thanks for throwing me a bone.
Confession #1596
Confession #1597
This morning when we were driving into work together I told you that your
incessant criticism, nitpicking and putdowns were making me miserable, and
you said that I was selfish and that I wasn't pulling my weight in the
family. OMG, that hurt so much! And then, when I said that comments like
that are exactly what I was talking about, and that you were turning our
commute into something I dread every morning, you said that if I hate it so
much, I should just take the bus in the morning. And when I jumped out of
the car at the next stop light and slammed the door, you just drove away.
I think that was the lowest point we've ever reached in our marriage. I feel
lost and terrified. And I feel disgusted at what we've become.
Confession #1598
yes 1552 and 1560 were the same person....and to the other military wives who said that i gave you a bad name...thats fine. you will never know my situation. you will never know the pain he did to me for years.i called him selfish in bed, because he was. i wrote here to get that off my chest...not to be called names. and for the one who said i should have divorced him i am in the process of that. i never thought that i would be the military wife who cheated.....i never thought that i deserved anything better than what he could give me. yes i know that the other man has faults. i do see them. but he also sees mine. we have both learned what we do and do not want in another person. we both know that there is a lot of work ahead of us. but we are willing to do that. and as for my deployed husband....he was never willing to be anything that i needed him to be. i know that i am not blameless. i know what i have done wrong and i am sorry that i hurt him. but like i said in the beginning...you will never know my exact situation or the pain he caused me.....i just needed to get that off my mind for a little while. i already call my self all the names you think...just remember that i was not here to be judged...just to be heard...
Confession #1599
Dear Husband,
I hate you and everything about you. The only reason I don't cheat on you is because it is a sin. I am happy when I think of leaving you. You are a pathetic alcoholic. If you hate your path of life right now then YOU will have to change it, but you won't because you are too lazy. I would give anything to NOT have married you.
You disgust me and I am using our tax refund to leave you.
Confession #1600
A few months ago I thought I was happy, I really did. I don't know if I just brainwashed myself into thinking so or maybe I actually was? I would have married you in a heartbeat, I was waiting for the proposal ever since we found out we were having another child. Waited and waited and nothing ever happened.
We remained happy, I stuck by your side, did everything for you, ran the household, took care of the kids, pets, and yet you distanced yourself always remained married to the money, to work, to pleasing all your co-workers and never your own family. Sure you spent money on me, but that isn't what a woman truly needs and longs for.
You asked something of me nobody should ever ask of someone who they claim to love...that is to be with another person. I resisted for the longest time, and yet you persisted. I hated you for that, you made me feel so unwanted, not good enough, not sexy enough, not what you really needed. You made me feel as though a third party had to be involved in our sex life for it to be good. This person isn't even female...its male. What kind of real man wants to see their lover be satisfied by another man? I will never understand that. But here I am guilty of meeting that man, I gave in. Ironically, in a way I'm glad I did.
The last few months I have been so incredibly happy. I never knew what it was to feel love like this. To feel this intense feeling of desire, attraction, passion, lust. Whether it lasts a day or a year I'll be happy I experienced it, yet at the same time sad, because once again I'll go back to my mundane life with you pretending as though I'm in love and happy. You could never satisfy my needs like he does, I'm sorry to say that but it's true. You can never be him and you will never make me feel as good as I do when I'm looking into his eyes.
I hate you for asking me to meet him, I blame you for making me feel so vulnerable for loving someone else. For loving someone who isn't nearly as stable as you. You put me out there to get heartbroken.
You are crushed now because I told you I love the other man,
now of course you want me back,
now of course you realize you fucked up.
Now, you realize what you had...
and now that someone else wants it...
so do you.
Now, you may be too late.
I will always care for you, til the day I die, but you will never be The One. I wish I could love you the way you love me. Life would be much easier that way.
Sometimes I wonder--even though I love you so much...is it possible
for me to stay with you when I don't like nor trust your friends?
Confession #1592
i am in love with someone. a woman.
i know. i can't believe it either.
the surprising thing is that loving her doesn't make me love you any less.
i still want you. i still need you . i still love you.
but somedays i feel like i will die if i can't have you both.
Confession #1593
Dear Husband,
Sometimes I look at you and just want you to disappear, for every memory I have of you to be erased from my mind. I want to go back in time and never meet you. I want to be the person that I am in my mind. The one who is happy, and social and successful. Not this woman who is a prisoner to her marriage, to her children. The woman who lives in the computer, who has no identity, who doesn't have a chance in hell if you were to leave her.
I love you, I really do, but I hate you even more sometimes.
You seem to have sucked every ounce of confidence from my soul. I can't make a decision for fear that it will be the WRONG decision in your eyes. I can't make myself into anything more than a piece of furniture in this crooked house.
I love you I REALLY do, but sometimes I think you are evil... sometimes I think you KNOW we'd both be better people if we weren't together.... I think you feel the same way I do. I think you want to go back in time and undo us, and be the person that you wish you could be.
I really do love you....
Confession #1594
I know that you don't understand why I am so crabby sometimes. I know that you tolerate it or ignore it. All I can tell you is that I am trying to get better - I really, really am. There are just things inside me I can't quite control yet, so I try to shield you from my demons until I can get them locked back up. It's coming, it truly is - I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. I love you sweetie.
Confession #1595
I always wondered if, because you are younger than me, you had an idealistic
view of love. You assured me that mine was simply tainted by my past and it
was real true deep love. I just went in to kiss you goodnight and you were
asleep, dreaming , smiling. I kissed you on the forehead and you awoke,
horrified. Not 2 weeks ago you would have both smiled and slept deeper for
that kiss. I don't know what is happening. I know sometimes I can be
horrible but I'm having a tough time. Where has it all gone? Where. To ideal
heaven??? I just feel like an idiot for believing in these fanciful dreams
in the first place. I asked you to tell me you don't love me and you said
you don't "like" me. Thanks for throwing me a bone.
Confession #1596
Confession #1597
This morning when we were driving into work together I told you that your
incessant criticism, nitpicking and putdowns were making me miserable, and
you said that I was selfish and that I wasn't pulling my weight in the
family. OMG, that hurt so much! And then, when I said that comments like
that are exactly what I was talking about, and that you were turning our
commute into something I dread every morning, you said that if I hate it so
much, I should just take the bus in the morning. And when I jumped out of
the car at the next stop light and slammed the door, you just drove away.
I think that was the lowest point we've ever reached in our marriage. I feel
lost and terrified. And I feel disgusted at what we've become.
Confession #1598
yes 1552 and 1560 were the same person....and to the other military wives who said that i gave you a bad name...thats fine. you will never know my situation. you will never know the pain he did to me for years.i called him selfish in bed, because he was. i wrote here to get that off my chest...not to be called names. and for the one who said i should have divorced him i am in the process of that. i never thought that i would be the military wife who cheated.....i never thought that i deserved anything better than what he could give me. yes i know that the other man has faults. i do see them. but he also sees mine. we have both learned what we do and do not want in another person. we both know that there is a lot of work ahead of us. but we are willing to do that. and as for my deployed husband....he was never willing to be anything that i needed him to be. i know that i am not blameless. i know what i have done wrong and i am sorry that i hurt him. but like i said in the beginning...you will never know my exact situation or the pain he caused me.....i just needed to get that off my mind for a little while. i already call my self all the names you think...just remember that i was not here to be judged...just to be heard...
Confession #1599
Dear Husband,
I hate you and everything about you. The only reason I don't cheat on you is because it is a sin. I am happy when I think of leaving you. You are a pathetic alcoholic. If you hate your path of life right now then YOU will have to change it, but you won't because you are too lazy. I would give anything to NOT have married you.
You disgust me and I am using our tax refund to leave you.
Confession #1600
A few months ago I thought I was happy, I really did. I don't know if I just brainwashed myself into thinking so or maybe I actually was? I would have married you in a heartbeat, I was waiting for the proposal ever since we found out we were having another child. Waited and waited and nothing ever happened.
We remained happy, I stuck by your side, did everything for you, ran the household, took care of the kids, pets, and yet you distanced yourself always remained married to the money, to work, to pleasing all your co-workers and never your own family. Sure you spent money on me, but that isn't what a woman truly needs and longs for.
You asked something of me nobody should ever ask of someone who they claim to love...that is to be with another person. I resisted for the longest time, and yet you persisted. I hated you for that, you made me feel so unwanted, not good enough, not sexy enough, not what you really needed. You made me feel as though a third party had to be involved in our sex life for it to be good. This person isn't even female...its male. What kind of real man wants to see their lover be satisfied by another man? I will never understand that. But here I am guilty of meeting that man, I gave in. Ironically, in a way I'm glad I did.
The last few months I have been so incredibly happy. I never knew what it was to feel love like this. To feel this intense feeling of desire, attraction, passion, lust. Whether it lasts a day or a year I'll be happy I experienced it, yet at the same time sad, because once again I'll go back to my mundane life with you pretending as though I'm in love and happy. You could never satisfy my needs like he does, I'm sorry to say that but it's true. You can never be him and you will never make me feel as good as I do when I'm looking into his eyes.
I hate you for asking me to meet him, I blame you for making me feel so vulnerable for loving someone else. For loving someone who isn't nearly as stable as you. You put me out there to get heartbroken.
You are crushed now because I told you I love the other man,
now of course you want me back,
now of course you realize you fucked up.
Now, you realize what you had...
and now that someone else wants it...
so do you.
Now, you may be too late.
I will always care for you, til the day I die, but you will never be The One. I wish I could love you the way you love me. Life would be much easier that way.
Friday, February 16, 2007
True WIfe Confessions 159 Alfa
Confession #1581
I plan on leaving you in ten years. When our baby is 10 yrs old. She will be old enough to handle the divorce. I am preparing now.
I can never forgive your alcoholism.
Confession #1582
Yes, I want you.
I love cooking for and with you.
I love watching movies and making CD's together.
I love falling asleep next to you and waking up with you.
I love it when you tell me about all the crazy things you have done, and listening to you talk about yourself.
I love how much you love your job.
I loved being able to talk to you about the things that bug me, perplex me, and interest me.
I love your perspective on life. You are a gentle and kind man.
I love your easy going nature and smile.
I love learning how to enjoy sex, again, with you!!
I love that you can fix anything.... and hate that you never fixed any of the things you said you would around here.
I love listening to you talk with and about your daughters.
I am definitely in love with you.
I think you are really hot and sexy......
I want you back in my life, because I don't care how much money you do, or do not make.
I think we had a good thing and that you just wouldn't give it a chance because of the $$ and my boys.
That makes me sad.
I miss you.
Confession #1583
You are a great husband- now put the girl to bed sometimes. I want to watch TV too.
Oh and don’t get pissed off when I fall asleep with her- she can be very draining even if she is the best daughter ever.
Confession #1584
Do not ask me what I think if you don't want to know. It is terribly frustrating to be asked and then cut off mid answer. Makes me want to poke you with something sharp.
Confession #1585
You took the very first love letter I sent you and showed it to your
friends.
You thought you were so funny.
It hurt me so bad that you did that.
So, ya know what I did?
I took that letter, and I tore it into tiny pieces.
Some of the pieces, I burned.
Some of the pieces, I flushed down the toilet.
Some of the pieces, I put into the garbage disposal.
That was over two years ago.
You haven't even noticed that the letter is gone.
One day you will.
And when you ask me where it is,
I'm going to lie and say that I have no idea.
Confession #1586
People who believe in love are idiots.
Its all a bunch of lies.
You proved it to me.
Confession #1587
Every time your husband contacts me out of the blue, "just to say hi," I know the two of you are in a bad spot. He used to do the same thing each time his former finacee kicked him out. I've never let him get past hello, and I never will. But honestly? A part of me finds it vindicating. You deserve your farce of a marriage. Both of you.
Confession #1588
This morning, I heard you tell our child to let me sleep. Damn but I love you when you do those things.
Confession #1589
Our new insurance won't pay for my medicine. I have been taking it for three years now. It has made me the person I have always wanted to be. I never did like to admit that I need a pill to function but four days without it and I want to die. It may take weeks for the new meds to level in my system, but in the mean time I will suffer and you and the kids will suffer. I am sorry that you all have to go through this too. I am going to pull away as much as I can until I start feeling right again. Please don't take it personally. I love you all too much to hurt you.
Confession #1590
Husband,
I can honestly say that I hate you. You verbally abuse me, humiliate me, degrade me, and sicken me. Each day you turn into more and more of a monster. The worst part is that you can be sort of nice one day and evil the next, so I walk on eggshells around you never knowing who I will wake up next to each morning or who will be coming home from work each evening. I live with a feeling of dread. It's awful.
You talk down to me, and nothing I ever do is good enough. If I developed a cure for cancer, you would say that I should have done it sooner. If I spend an entire afternoon cleaning the house, you will point out the things I missed. You seem to forget that we have three children who tend to mess things up a bit when they get home from school, so even though I end up straigtening up again, it will never be good enough or clean enough for you. Nothing could ever meet your ridiculous standards. And, half the mess in the house is created my you, but you would never think of that.
The good thing is that I'm a lot stronger than you think I am. I surround myself with people who, unlike you, make me feel good about myself, so while you're trying to destroy my self-esteem, you will not win. I am a much better person than you could ever hope to be. The only reason I am staying with you is for the kids, and as each day goes by, I'm thinking more and more that even that's not a good enough reason to be with you. I know it will be hard on them, but they will also realize why I did what I felt I had to do. As young as they are, they are already realizing that things aren't what they should be. They ask me things like, "what's wrong with Daddy?" and "why does Daddy yell at you all the time?" Our daughter refers to you as "the big, bad wolf". I don't want them to think that this is what a real, caring marriage is about. I don't want them learning from you. You used to have so much good in you, but it's getting less and less as each day passes. You wear your "good persona" for the outside world, but as soon as you're home, your true colors come shining through. I think you've built up such an act for so long, and you've been playing the role of "great guy" for such a long time, that you're just too tired to keep it up any more. As a result, I feel the brunt of it when you get home. And, I understand it. Who can keep up an act for such a long time without finally breaking down? Of course, you don't see it as your fault. In your eyes, everything is my fault.
I know that I'm not perfect. No one is; but I am far better than you make me out to be. You talk to me as if I'm something you found on the bottom of your shoe. I know that you're the way you are because you were an abused child yourself, so you didn't learn how to treat the ones you love with respect. I used to feel sorry for you all the time because of your childhood, but since you won't get the help that you so desperately need, and instead, you take your anger out on me, all I feel for you at this point is disgust.
If I had known back then what I know now, I never would have married you. In fact, I wish I never even met you. If it weren't for our children, I would never have anything to do with you EVER again.
I plan on leaving you in ten years. When our baby is 10 yrs old. She will be old enough to handle the divorce. I am preparing now.
I can never forgive your alcoholism.
Confession #1582
Yes, I want you.
I love cooking for and with you.
I love watching movies and making CD's together.
I love falling asleep next to you and waking up with you.
I love it when you tell me about all the crazy things you have done, and listening to you talk about yourself.
I love how much you love your job.
I loved being able to talk to you about the things that bug me, perplex me, and interest me.
I love your perspective on life. You are a gentle and kind man.
I love your easy going nature and smile.
I love learning how to enjoy sex, again, with you!!
I love that you can fix anything.... and hate that you never fixed any of the things you said you would around here.
I love listening to you talk with and about your daughters.
I am definitely in love with you.
I think you are really hot and sexy......
I want you back in my life, because I don't care how much money you do, or do not make.
I think we had a good thing and that you just wouldn't give it a chance because of the $$ and my boys.
That makes me sad.
I miss you.
Confession #1583
You are a great husband- now put the girl to bed sometimes. I want to watch TV too.
Oh and don’t get pissed off when I fall asleep with her- she can be very draining even if she is the best daughter ever.
Confession #1584
Do not ask me what I think if you don't want to know. It is terribly frustrating to be asked and then cut off mid answer. Makes me want to poke you with something sharp.
Confession #1585
You took the very first love letter I sent you and showed it to your
friends.
You thought you were so funny.
It hurt me so bad that you did that.
So, ya know what I did?
I took that letter, and I tore it into tiny pieces.
Some of the pieces, I burned.
Some of the pieces, I flushed down the toilet.
Some of the pieces, I put into the garbage disposal.
That was over two years ago.
You haven't even noticed that the letter is gone.
One day you will.
And when you ask me where it is,
I'm going to lie and say that I have no idea.
Confession #1586
People who believe in love are idiots.
Its all a bunch of lies.
You proved it to me.
Confession #1587
Every time your husband contacts me out of the blue, "just to say hi," I know the two of you are in a bad spot. He used to do the same thing each time his former finacee kicked him out. I've never let him get past hello, and I never will. But honestly? A part of me finds it vindicating. You deserve your farce of a marriage. Both of you.
Confession #1588
This morning, I heard you tell our child to let me sleep. Damn but I love you when you do those things.
Confession #1589
Our new insurance won't pay for my medicine. I have been taking it for three years now. It has made me the person I have always wanted to be. I never did like to admit that I need a pill to function but four days without it and I want to die. It may take weeks for the new meds to level in my system, but in the mean time I will suffer and you and the kids will suffer. I am sorry that you all have to go through this too. I am going to pull away as much as I can until I start feeling right again. Please don't take it personally. I love you all too much to hurt you.
Confession #1590
Husband,
I can honestly say that I hate you. You verbally abuse me, humiliate me, degrade me, and sicken me. Each day you turn into more and more of a monster. The worst part is that you can be sort of nice one day and evil the next, so I walk on eggshells around you never knowing who I will wake up next to each morning or who will be coming home from work each evening. I live with a feeling of dread. It's awful.
You talk down to me, and nothing I ever do is good enough. If I developed a cure for cancer, you would say that I should have done it sooner. If I spend an entire afternoon cleaning the house, you will point out the things I missed. You seem to forget that we have three children who tend to mess things up a bit when they get home from school, so even though I end up straigtening up again, it will never be good enough or clean enough for you. Nothing could ever meet your ridiculous standards. And, half the mess in the house is created my you, but you would never think of that.
The good thing is that I'm a lot stronger than you think I am. I surround myself with people who, unlike you, make me feel good about myself, so while you're trying to destroy my self-esteem, you will not win. I am a much better person than you could ever hope to be. The only reason I am staying with you is for the kids, and as each day goes by, I'm thinking more and more that even that's not a good enough reason to be with you. I know it will be hard on them, but they will also realize why I did what I felt I had to do. As young as they are, they are already realizing that things aren't what they should be. They ask me things like, "what's wrong with Daddy?" and "why does Daddy yell at you all the time?" Our daughter refers to you as "the big, bad wolf". I don't want them to think that this is what a real, caring marriage is about. I don't want them learning from you. You used to have so much good in you, but it's getting less and less as each day passes. You wear your "good persona" for the outside world, but as soon as you're home, your true colors come shining through. I think you've built up such an act for so long, and you've been playing the role of "great guy" for such a long time, that you're just too tired to keep it up any more. As a result, I feel the brunt of it when you get home. And, I understand it. Who can keep up an act for such a long time without finally breaking down? Of course, you don't see it as your fault. In your eyes, everything is my fault.
I know that I'm not perfect. No one is; but I am far better than you make me out to be. You talk to me as if I'm something you found on the bottom of your shoe. I know that you're the way you are because you were an abused child yourself, so you didn't learn how to treat the ones you love with respect. I used to feel sorry for you all the time because of your childhood, but since you won't get the help that you so desperately need, and instead, you take your anger out on me, all I feel for you at this point is disgust.
If I had known back then what I know now, I never would have married you. In fact, I wish I never even met you. If it weren't for our children, I would never have anything to do with you EVER again.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
True Wife Confessions 158 heart candies saying "Be Mine"
Confession #1571
To the one who still haunts my dreams:
There you were again. I saw you somewhere. I called you on the phone you called me your little one. I miss that so much. There was a choppy signal, or I was holding the phone upside down and couldn’t hear you well.. Isn’t that typical. It’s not us anymore. Not in this life anyways. Every song I hear, it’s you. Every movie I see, the story is about us. It’s always about us. I’ll see you in my dreams..
Your Little One.
Confession #1572
When I first married you I regretted it almost immediately because I was so young and did not want to leave my family. Now 30 years later, you are my soul mate and my life and I love you more every day. Thanks for the last 30 years. I'm glad I stuck around.
Confession #1573
I loved my job as I got to work with someone who was very interesting, appealing, and had similar goals/values as my own. He was a male and I know you knew I loved my job because of him.
Confession #1574
To my ex-husband: I am soooooooooooooo glad you are out of my life. You had the worst habits that I have ever had to endure. Uughh! You disgust me.
1. Picking your nose and pulling out huge boogers with your bare hands is gross. When you said “fingers are better than using tissue,” it also disgusted me. It's not funny and then you would expect to touch me sexually. YUCK!!!
2. Biting your nails (toes and fingers) and spitting them out in the bed is also gross. The pain that I had when I rolled over those hard, sharp nails is indescribable.
3. Not brushing your teeth until you get to work to gain more sleep-time was insane and not to mention torturous for me! Your breath smelled like unwashed ass!
I can’t think of anymore right now because I am pissed with myself for actually marrying your gross loser ass. I will blame it on naiveness and depression.
Confession #1575
Honey,
I can't homeschool anymore! Scratch that....I don't WANT to homeschool anymore. There I said it.
I'm tired of bringing it up, only to have you guilt me into giving it a little longer. I want to enjoy the time that I have with the kids, and this is not helping me do that. You're at work all day, and night, so you never see the kids. BUT, it's so important to you for me to school our three kids. Why? Is it worth me having a nervous breakdown? I spend most of my day frustrated and run down. That's definitely not helping me or the kids. Please look at this from my point of view and stop comparing me to you mom. I admit it....she's a stronger woman that I am.
I just need to feel like a person again! I'm losing more of me everyday going through with things as YOU want them.
Confession #1576
It's not really your fault that I asked you to move into the spare room last night. For good. I just don't know how to help you and you're bringing me down.
Confession #1577
Dear Bastard,
After twelve years of putting up with your crack-addled ex-wife, your intermittent joblessness, your middling sex-drive and your general uselessness around the house, YOU want to leave ME. In spite of the fact that I stuck by you through two bouts of severe depression (complete with threats of suicide), in spite of the fact that we've just learned that you're bi-polar and I was trying to hold out for you to get better; YOU want to leave ME. Our kids will be devastated, and you don't care. You don't even have a job, and you don't care. You have drained every single bit of optimism, trust, and affection from me...and you. Don't. Care.
One sane day you will regret this decision and it will be too late. I will never come back to you. I will never forgive you for taking a big fat dump on everything I've ever done for you and everything we've ever been to each other. In the meantime I'm going to try to remember that I am good, and smart, and worth so much more than you could ever give me.
I fucking hate you more than I ever, ever loved you.
Confession #1578
I wish I could tell you I'm hurting. I have been doing so well for so long but now those horrible feelings are coming back. I hate not being able to tell you how I feel, I hate not being able to tell anyone how I feel. Your cheating has done a number on me trusting others. I used to be a very trusting person and now I am not, that bothers me a lot. I hate that I don't want our daughter's getting married because I don't want them to ever feel this pain. But you have been a great husband since we have gotten back together. You show me love, you let me go out and do things I want without the kids, you have given up your dream so I can go back to school, even though you had to have known that the dream did not fit with having a family. And to be perfectly honest I am so glad you finally came to your senses about it. It would have sucked our limited family finances like you wouldn't believe. You support me now unlike you ever have in the past 7 years of our marriage. You are an active participant in caring for our children, you cook for me every night, you even sometimes do the dishes. What is wrong with me that I can't let this go? I guess I will just suck it up, keep going like nothing is bothering me and sooner or later the feelings will go away. I do love you even though you have shattered my heart and I pray that in time I will feel better about us.
Confession #1579
I love you madly. I love you as you are the father of my children and love them as deeply as I do.
I love the fact that you are such a hard worker, saver, and breadwinner. We never worry about money.
I love that we come from the same small city and truly know each other and how each other were raised, and the situations in which we grew.
I just wish we were not so damned bored with one another.
Confession #1580
The way you talk about that girl is the same way you talked about that other homewrecking whore you worked with. Oh I am sorry, you guys were just "friends." The poor thing didn't have anyone to talk to and you were so nice to be her shoulder to lean on. Maybe she should have gone to her own boyfriend instead of my husband? I don't care what you say, I don't believe you were just her "friend" and won't until the day I die. I forgave you once and won't do it again. You do it again, I will destroy you, I can promise you that.
To the one who still haunts my dreams:
There you were again. I saw you somewhere. I called you on the phone you called me your little one. I miss that so much. There was a choppy signal, or I was holding the phone upside down and couldn’t hear you well.. Isn’t that typical. It’s not us anymore. Not in this life anyways. Every song I hear, it’s you. Every movie I see, the story is about us. It’s always about us. I’ll see you in my dreams..
Your Little One.
Confession #1572
When I first married you I regretted it almost immediately because I was so young and did not want to leave my family. Now 30 years later, you are my soul mate and my life and I love you more every day. Thanks for the last 30 years. I'm glad I stuck around.
Confession #1573
I loved my job as I got to work with someone who was very interesting, appealing, and had similar goals/values as my own. He was a male and I know you knew I loved my job because of him.
Confession #1574
To my ex-husband: I am soooooooooooooo glad you are out of my life. You had the worst habits that I have ever had to endure. Uughh! You disgust me.
1. Picking your nose and pulling out huge boogers with your bare hands is gross. When you said “fingers are better than using tissue,” it also disgusted me. It's not funny and then you would expect to touch me sexually. YUCK!!!
2. Biting your nails (toes and fingers) and spitting them out in the bed is also gross. The pain that I had when I rolled over those hard, sharp nails is indescribable.
3. Not brushing your teeth until you get to work to gain more sleep-time was insane and not to mention torturous for me! Your breath smelled like unwashed ass!
I can’t think of anymore right now because I am pissed with myself for actually marrying your gross loser ass. I will blame it on naiveness and depression.
Confession #1575
Honey,
I can't homeschool anymore! Scratch that....I don't WANT to homeschool anymore. There I said it.
I'm tired of bringing it up, only to have you guilt me into giving it a little longer. I want to enjoy the time that I have with the kids, and this is not helping me do that. You're at work all day, and night, so you never see the kids. BUT, it's so important to you for me to school our three kids. Why? Is it worth me having a nervous breakdown? I spend most of my day frustrated and run down. That's definitely not helping me or the kids. Please look at this from my point of view and stop comparing me to you mom. I admit it....she's a stronger woman that I am.
I just need to feel like a person again! I'm losing more of me everyday going through with things as YOU want them.
Confession #1576
It's not really your fault that I asked you to move into the spare room last night. For good. I just don't know how to help you and you're bringing me down.
Confession #1577
Dear Bastard,
After twelve years of putting up with your crack-addled ex-wife, your intermittent joblessness, your middling sex-drive and your general uselessness around the house, YOU want to leave ME. In spite of the fact that I stuck by you through two bouts of severe depression (complete with threats of suicide), in spite of the fact that we've just learned that you're bi-polar and I was trying to hold out for you to get better; YOU want to leave ME. Our kids will be devastated, and you don't care. You don't even have a job, and you don't care. You have drained every single bit of optimism, trust, and affection from me...and you. Don't. Care.
One sane day you will regret this decision and it will be too late. I will never come back to you. I will never forgive you for taking a big fat dump on everything I've ever done for you and everything we've ever been to each other. In the meantime I'm going to try to remember that I am good, and smart, and worth so much more than you could ever give me.
I fucking hate you more than I ever, ever loved you.
Confession #1578
I wish I could tell you I'm hurting. I have been doing so well for so long but now those horrible feelings are coming back. I hate not being able to tell you how I feel, I hate not being able to tell anyone how I feel. Your cheating has done a number on me trusting others. I used to be a very trusting person and now I am not, that bothers me a lot. I hate that I don't want our daughter's getting married because I don't want them to ever feel this pain. But you have been a great husband since we have gotten back together. You show me love, you let me go out and do things I want without the kids, you have given up your dream so I can go back to school, even though you had to have known that the dream did not fit with having a family. And to be perfectly honest I am so glad you finally came to your senses about it. It would have sucked our limited family finances like you wouldn't believe. You support me now unlike you ever have in the past 7 years of our marriage. You are an active participant in caring for our children, you cook for me every night, you even sometimes do the dishes. What is wrong with me that I can't let this go? I guess I will just suck it up, keep going like nothing is bothering me and sooner or later the feelings will go away. I do love you even though you have shattered my heart and I pray that in time I will feel better about us.
Confession #1579
I love you madly. I love you as you are the father of my children and love them as deeply as I do.
I love the fact that you are such a hard worker, saver, and breadwinner. We never worry about money.
I love that we come from the same small city and truly know each other and how each other were raised, and the situations in which we grew.
I just wish we were not so damned bored with one another.
Confession #1580
The way you talk about that girl is the same way you talked about that other homewrecking whore you worked with. Oh I am sorry, you guys were just "friends." The poor thing didn't have anyone to talk to and you were so nice to be her shoulder to lean on. Maybe she should have gone to her own boyfriend instead of my husband? I don't care what you say, I don't believe you were just her "friend" and won't until the day I die. I forgave you once and won't do it again. You do it again, I will destroy you, I can promise you that.
Monday, February 12, 2007
True Wife Confessions 157 ways I hate to admit that I like Justin Timberlake
Confession #1561
I've been wondering about you for about ten years now. Our sex life was fantastic, and we could talk for hours. I used to regret not giving us a better chance, and for not taking the leap to move to New York. I came across a box of old love letters last week, and then I remembered. You were a selfish, pompous ass. When I was depressed about the bad job market you suggested I come to New York and be a good housewife, since I'd never pull in big bucks like you. (How does $126K a year sound?) I remember the time you made fun of my mom, who worked 12 hour days and kept the house running, but made mashed potatoes from a box. I remembered how you pressured me to have sex, even though I had been in a serious car accident the day before. I'm glad I can finally take off the nostalgia-colored glasses and move on.
Confession #1562
When we met, you knew that I was going to be leaving the country.
You told me that it didn't have to be the end, because when you love something, you do whatever you can to keep it, no matter the time or expense.
You looked into my eyes and told me that you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.
You told my best friend that you were going to marry me.
And now, for the last 3 weeks, you wont even talk to me. Your phone is turned off. You wont respond to emails.
So I called and left a message for you at work. At you called me back and yelled at me for leaving a message.
You told me that you push people away.
That you are busy.
That you miss people, but you aren't yearning for anyone and you are not losing sleep at night.
And all I had asked you was should I buy the plane ticket for March while I am on Spring Break.
I know that you are stressed out. But really, you need to get whatever crawled up your ass out of it. I will be coming in March, because I bought the ticket 10 minutes after we got off the phone.
But it wasn't because you asked me to. It was because I needed to. I am going to come see you and see your eyes when I talked to you. Because then I will know what the hell I need to do.
I am scared that March may be the last time I ever see you. But I will walk away from you if this crap doesn't stop.
And it doesn't matter how much I love you. Or how much I want you.
Because I deserve more than this.
I demand more than this.
I am WORTH more than this.
Confession #1563
4 years. 4 years I put up with your lies, your drinking, your childish behavior, your unbelievable mood swings, your inconsiderate friends, your total disrespect for me as a human being. Now that I have cut you loose and moved on and am finally happy, why won't you go away? I've moved, I've changed my #. Take a hint asshole.
Yes I have been in contact with another woman who you were seeing at the same time as me. She emailed me, not the other way around. Stop calling me a bitch and a psycho for confirming that I am not the crazy one, you are. You told her the same BS you told me. Her and I feel better for knowing its not us - it YOU! You could at least invent some new material.
When your brother died I sent a donation and a sympathy card to your parents. This does not make me a cold hearted bitch because I chose not to talk to you. Do you remember when my Dad died 2 years ago and you told me "to get over it, he was a drunk and deserved to burn in hell"? Yeah, well your brother was a lot of things but I have a hell of a lot of more class than you do and won't go there.
Stop emailing me one day and telling me you love me and miss me and your sorry...and then 12 hours later calling me every name in the book and making up vile lies about my son.
Go away. Far far away and forget you ever knew me.
Confession #1564
I really try to be ok with your sex toy, and most days I am. I think to myself, 'At least he's not a cheater like those other guys!', and just push it out of my mind. But there are days, like today when I'm feeling very bad about myself and my weight and I get so resentful. Angry! Especally when you said it was "the shit". It seems the moment you admitted it to me our sex life has gone way way down. Yet the porn usage on your computer has gone way way up! Then I do feel like you are a cheater. You're using that thing while your looking at naked, skinny girls. Is that any better?
Some days I want to stay fat, huge just to keep you away from me. To keep a distance between us because I'm so hurt. Other days I would love to lose weight just so I could tell you "No. You can go fuck yourself, literally!" Other days, like today, I'm just so sad. Just sad. I want to be with you, but feel so inferior. Like I'm no good. I'm just a plain, fat housewife that could never give you the time of your life, so why bother?
I know that I'm supposed to lose this fat for me, and maybe it will help to get this off my chest. I love you so much and I know you love me, why did you have to bring that thing into our house, into our lives and expect me to be ok with it? I'm not and it makes me feel like a piece of shit.
Maybe one day I'll tell you this in person.
Confession #1565
Dear Soon to be Husband,
I love your mom and sisters. They're wonderful people and I'm so glad they welcomed me in with open arms and hearts. I couldn't have hoped for better. However I HATE your father. He's a jackass plain and simple. He's the male version of a Harridian. How many times can he harrass you about changing the goddamn oil in your car? Showing him that we keep a case of oil in the trunk didn't seem to do the trick so what will it take? How does he not realize that by coming at everyong with such comtempt and bitterness turns everyone away from him. Why is he always so confrontational about simple small things? Does he not realize that NONE of his children want to be alone with him at any time? That all of his children's SO's are extremely uncomfortable around him? Does he not realize that ALL of his children operate on the assumption that he does not love or even respect them and how much this beats them down?
I WILL NOT LET YOU BECOME LIKE HIM. Our future children WILL NEVER have to doubt that BOTH of their parents love them. If one or all of them inherit your Dyslexia I WILL NEVER let them feel as worthless as your dad makes you feel for having it. YOU are an amazing person and will be an incredible father... And I can't wait until that day.
Love, Your Soon to be Wife
Confession #1566
When you called me today while I was at work to tell me you had gone to court and gotten a restraining order against me and temporary emergency custody of our son I realized that you really were crazy.
How dare you freak me out with such a lie. I am a fantastic parent and we both know it. I have never done anything in his two years of life to fathom a need for you to have temporary EMERGENCY custody of him.
How stupid of me to panic all the way to my mom’s to make sure you did not leave with him. And how dare you for thinking to could talk yourself out of this lie.
You have no right to do the things to me that you do. I have lived upset since found out I was pregnant with him because you have made my life a mess.
I love your daughter with all my heart but I can not live this lie that we can be friends and raise these two together anymore. You have caused too much damage. To all of us!
Confession #1567
My Darling Husband:
I love how you never ever allow me to tear down my self image and self esteem. You are wonderful at always building me up and making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. In your eyes, I know I am.
I love you sweetheart!
Confession #1568
We aren't dating anymore - and I am fine with that. Occasionally you get in touch and propose that we "get together" for an evening. I know that you have a girlfriend. I ask you why you are still inviting me to your bed.
You tell me that you can't be honest with her about the things you want in bed. That I was the only one you could be honest with this about - you like to be submissive. You want a dominant woman. You want to be fucked with a strap on - that I was the only woman that you didn't feel ashamed of telling these fantasies to -
But sweetie, I ask, why not ASK her? If you think this will work out - ASK HER. Because this is the type of thing that will break you up later. If she can't love and accept and be adventurous with you in bed...how can you know that she is the right person for you?
And I am sad for you, because I don't think you ever will ask her - and I know that you will keep asking me. We all deserve to be happy.
Confession #1569
When I tell you that something hurts do not tell me that I am being a wimp and then shrug it off. I have a fairly high pain threshold so when I say it hurts it really does. Sometimes you do not realize your own strength and end up hurting me (and sometimes leaving bruises) when we are joking around. It stops being funny real quick when it gets painful.
Confession #1570
I know that you both have your doubts, so here it goes. Yes, I am sleeping with both of you. It’s not something that’s consistent, but I am fucking both of you. I am single and I can get away with it. I am trying to figure out who I am most compatible with and it hasn’t been an easy task, so until then I will just keep sleeping with both of you. It would be so much easier if I combine the two of you. Who knows...maybe neither one one of you is "the one."
I've been wondering about you for about ten years now. Our sex life was fantastic, and we could talk for hours. I used to regret not giving us a better chance, and for not taking the leap to move to New York. I came across a box of old love letters last week, and then I remembered. You were a selfish, pompous ass. When I was depressed about the bad job market you suggested I come to New York and be a good housewife, since I'd never pull in big bucks like you. (How does $126K a year sound?) I remember the time you made fun of my mom, who worked 12 hour days and kept the house running, but made mashed potatoes from a box. I remembered how you pressured me to have sex, even though I had been in a serious car accident the day before. I'm glad I can finally take off the nostalgia-colored glasses and move on.
Confession #1562
When we met, you knew that I was going to be leaving the country.
You told me that it didn't have to be the end, because when you love something, you do whatever you can to keep it, no matter the time or expense.
You looked into my eyes and told me that you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.
You told my best friend that you were going to marry me.
And now, for the last 3 weeks, you wont even talk to me. Your phone is turned off. You wont respond to emails.
So I called and left a message for you at work. At you called me back and yelled at me for leaving a message.
You told me that you push people away.
That you are busy.
That you miss people, but you aren't yearning for anyone and you are not losing sleep at night.
And all I had asked you was should I buy the plane ticket for March while I am on Spring Break.
I know that you are stressed out. But really, you need to get whatever crawled up your ass out of it. I will be coming in March, because I bought the ticket 10 minutes after we got off the phone.
But it wasn't because you asked me to. It was because I needed to. I am going to come see you and see your eyes when I talked to you. Because then I will know what the hell I need to do.
I am scared that March may be the last time I ever see you. But I will walk away from you if this crap doesn't stop.
And it doesn't matter how much I love you. Or how much I want you.
Because I deserve more than this.
I demand more than this.
I am WORTH more than this.
Confession #1563
4 years. 4 years I put up with your lies, your drinking, your childish behavior, your unbelievable mood swings, your inconsiderate friends, your total disrespect for me as a human being. Now that I have cut you loose and moved on and am finally happy, why won't you go away? I've moved, I've changed my #. Take a hint asshole.
Yes I have been in contact with another woman who you were seeing at the same time as me. She emailed me, not the other way around. Stop calling me a bitch and a psycho for confirming that I am not the crazy one, you are. You told her the same BS you told me. Her and I feel better for knowing its not us - it YOU! You could at least invent some new material.
When your brother died I sent a donation and a sympathy card to your parents. This does not make me a cold hearted bitch because I chose not to talk to you. Do you remember when my Dad died 2 years ago and you told me "to get over it, he was a drunk and deserved to burn in hell"? Yeah, well your brother was a lot of things but I have a hell of a lot of more class than you do and won't go there.
Stop emailing me one day and telling me you love me and miss me and your sorry...and then 12 hours later calling me every name in the book and making up vile lies about my son.
Go away. Far far away and forget you ever knew me.
Confession #1564
I really try to be ok with your sex toy, and most days I am. I think to myself, 'At least he's not a cheater like those other guys!', and just push it out of my mind. But there are days, like today when I'm feeling very bad about myself and my weight and I get so resentful. Angry! Especally when you said it was "the shit". It seems the moment you admitted it to me our sex life has gone way way down. Yet the porn usage on your computer has gone way way up! Then I do feel like you are a cheater. You're using that thing while your looking at naked, skinny girls. Is that any better?
Some days I want to stay fat, huge just to keep you away from me. To keep a distance between us because I'm so hurt. Other days I would love to lose weight just so I could tell you "No. You can go fuck yourself, literally!" Other days, like today, I'm just so sad. Just sad. I want to be with you, but feel so inferior. Like I'm no good. I'm just a plain, fat housewife that could never give you the time of your life, so why bother?
I know that I'm supposed to lose this fat for me, and maybe it will help to get this off my chest. I love you so much and I know you love me, why did you have to bring that thing into our house, into our lives and expect me to be ok with it? I'm not and it makes me feel like a piece of shit.
Maybe one day I'll tell you this in person.
Confession #1565
Dear Soon to be Husband,
I love your mom and sisters. They're wonderful people and I'm so glad they welcomed me in with open arms and hearts. I couldn't have hoped for better. However I HATE your father. He's a jackass plain and simple. He's the male version of a Harridian. How many times can he harrass you about changing the goddamn oil in your car? Showing him that we keep a case of oil in the trunk didn't seem to do the trick so what will it take? How does he not realize that by coming at everyong with such comtempt and bitterness turns everyone away from him. Why is he always so confrontational about simple small things? Does he not realize that NONE of his children want to be alone with him at any time? That all of his children's SO's are extremely uncomfortable around him? Does he not realize that ALL of his children operate on the assumption that he does not love or even respect them and how much this beats them down?
I WILL NOT LET YOU BECOME LIKE HIM. Our future children WILL NEVER have to doubt that BOTH of their parents love them. If one or all of them inherit your Dyslexia I WILL NEVER let them feel as worthless as your dad makes you feel for having it. YOU are an amazing person and will be an incredible father... And I can't wait until that day.
Love, Your Soon to be Wife
Confession #1566
When you called me today while I was at work to tell me you had gone to court and gotten a restraining order against me and temporary emergency custody of our son I realized that you really were crazy.
How dare you freak me out with such a lie. I am a fantastic parent and we both know it. I have never done anything in his two years of life to fathom a need for you to have temporary EMERGENCY custody of him.
How stupid of me to panic all the way to my mom’s to make sure you did not leave with him. And how dare you for thinking to could talk yourself out of this lie.
You have no right to do the things to me that you do. I have lived upset since found out I was pregnant with him because you have made my life a mess.
I love your daughter with all my heart but I can not live this lie that we can be friends and raise these two together anymore. You have caused too much damage. To all of us!
Confession #1567
My Darling Husband:
I love how you never ever allow me to tear down my self image and self esteem. You are wonderful at always building me up and making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. In your eyes, I know I am.
I love you sweetheart!
Confession #1568
We aren't dating anymore - and I am fine with that. Occasionally you get in touch and propose that we "get together" for an evening. I know that you have a girlfriend. I ask you why you are still inviting me to your bed.
You tell me that you can't be honest with her about the things you want in bed. That I was the only one you could be honest with this about - you like to be submissive. You want a dominant woman. You want to be fucked with a strap on - that I was the only woman that you didn't feel ashamed of telling these fantasies to -
But sweetie, I ask, why not ASK her? If you think this will work out - ASK HER. Because this is the type of thing that will break you up later. If she can't love and accept and be adventurous with you in bed...how can you know that she is the right person for you?
And I am sad for you, because I don't think you ever will ask her - and I know that you will keep asking me. We all deserve to be happy.
Confession #1569
When I tell you that something hurts do not tell me that I am being a wimp and then shrug it off. I have a fairly high pain threshold so when I say it hurts it really does. Sometimes you do not realize your own strength and end up hurting me (and sometimes leaving bruises) when we are joking around. It stops being funny real quick when it gets painful.
Confession #1570
I know that you both have your doubts, so here it goes. Yes, I am sleeping with both of you. It’s not something that’s consistent, but I am fucking both of you. I am single and I can get away with it. I am trying to figure out who I am most compatible with and it hasn’t been an easy task, so until then I will just keep sleeping with both of you. It would be so much easier if I combine the two of you. Who knows...maybe neither one one of you is "the one."
Friday, February 09, 2007
True Wife Confessions 156 ideas to keep warm
Confession #1551
Sometimes I hate you my husband. Deep down I do love you, but you've made a
mess of our lives these past four years. You wanted to own your own company
- that was fine, it was your dream. What wasn't fine was getting us into
over $150,000 in debt in just 3 years. Now we have no way out. You had to go
away to work last month to make extra money for us - just to get by, and you
know what... I don't miss you one bit. I am so full of resentment about our
financial run that it is eating away at me. We owe the tax man so much money
that they might put a lien on our house - or we could go bankrupt and they
can take our house and sell it. Guess what idiot - you do have to pay taxes!
They do catch up with you, now they've caught up with the fact that you
didn't pay a fucking dime in the past year to any of our creditors and now
we're screwed. So when you call and say you miss me and you miss our two
young daughters, I don't feel one bit sorry for you, you made this mess, you
better get us out or I'm gone.
Confession #1552
Dear Lazy Husband,
So when you left for deployment I lost the rest of my baby weight. Then I found the man that I was physically attracted to more then you. We had sex and I swallowed for him. Then when I went the club w my friend I found another physically attratctive man that I slept with. I continued to sleep with different men until I found HIM. I am now in love with HIM. and HE loves me. HE treats me better than you could ever. I said we could go to counseling to see if we could salvage our marriage. I lied. I don't want to. I want to leave you and start a life for myself and our children. I know you only know about the last man. And I also know that you don't know that we are in love. I don't want you to know about that. I know you want to know HIS name so that you can ruin HIS career. I will never tell you. I will tell you another man's name before I will ever tell you HIS real name.HE means more to me than you ever did. You put me through hell for 4 years. You made me feel like it was my fault we didn't ever have the boy that you wanted. I told you that I didn't want anymore children. I lied about that also. I want to have HIS babies. And if we can make it work than i will.I feel better.
Confession #1553
You want to know why the wound won't heal? Why I continue to get upset every time yet another friend announces her pregnancy? Because in addition to being sad that we won't be trying to start our own family this summer like we thought, I feel like it is my fault. Because I didn't lose weight last year, and I need to, because I'm the one who brought the debt into the marriage that we are still paying off, and it's my fault that the debt tripled last year. So in addition to mourning what won't be, I feel like it is my fault. And I'm afraid that we won't be able to get pregnant for some reason, and it'll be my fault and I'll regret that we're putting it off. That's why I cry every time one of my friends says they are expecting, because not only does it hurt, but I feel guilty too and it's too much to bear.
Confession #1554
Darling,
I have intentionally mis-matched your socks. You are so anal-retentive
that I know it messes up your whole day. Next time, don't piss me off
when I'm putting laundry away. Be grateful that I do it!!!
Confession #1555
There is guy at work who I know likes me. I've caught myself daydreaming about it. We chat a bit at work... what makes it complicated is that you work there too, dear hubby. I don't know if I honestly feel guilty about thinking these things. I daydream about being with this guy, I dream about sex that I enjoy - where it doesn't end up with me getting hurt from all the pinching and biting (that turns you on... but NOT all the time for me). Maybe it's just the thought of being on the same wavelength in bed... that we haven't had in such a long time, that is why I've thought about having sex... hell, fucking....this other guy.
If I ever did it... and you found out... I know it would kill you. Literally. You are not the most healthy guy on the planet. Having a bad heart, makes me reconsider taking it any further. But I really wish - if I could get away with it - and not have the concequences... that I really would want to have sex with the other guy. To feel so wanted - it really turns me on. Makes me realize that I've not lost my touch.
But I've not done much more than talk to the guy. I get excited at the thought of him in me. You dear hubby would be clueless - and I'm not sure I could. I'm hesitant. Maybe because I don't want to dip my pen in too much company ink. I just crave having something "different" in my life... spice it up... I just want to be naughty.
I know it doesn't work that way... but god, it's so damn tempting. I wonder if the other guy would want to take it any futher... he's in a relationship... but who knows. I know he's not happy... I kind of wish he'd try to take it to the next level... I want to kiss him. I want to feel him getting hard. I don't even know if has to be sex - just the thrill of the chase is such a turn on.
I really do care about you hubby... but I just don't know if we connect so well on that level. I thought it would get better with communication - but it's more about what turns you on... and I just have to suck up the pain. I think if I could get off on the thrill of the hunt with this other guy... I probably would.
Confession #1556
I don't know what is happening with our sex life. I just know it barely clings to existence. You tell me when we talk that you are still attracted to me, and I know you aren't cheating on me and I know you aren't looking at porn, and I think I believe you when you say you are happy with things, but would enjoy more frequent sex. But then, why don't you ever initiate sex? Ever? I don't know what to think and initiating sex feels like one more chore, and I hate that.
Confession #1557
You were my hero when I was abandoned while pregnant. You told me I was beautiful when I felt fat and ugly. You told me you loved me and had never even touched me. You came to the hospital the day my daughter was born, took one look at me with my no makeup, hair a mess, bloated beyond belief and told me that you had never seen someone so beautiful in your entire life. I fell in love with you like no other man I have ever loved in my entire life. I felt your kiss all the way to my toes. When my daughter turned 5 months old, we finally did the deed. Then things changed. Feelings changed. I loved you completely with every cell of my being, but your feelings started to change. A year and a half has gone by and now you’re back at my door trying to come in. I let you in once again. But the sex sucks!! How can I teach you that I am not a heavy metal air guitar to be plucked at violently. I am sensitive. My body parts are sensitive. The women who told you it felt good deserve to be hurt because they LIED to you!!. Why? Why can’t it be mind blowing like that first kiss? Why do you have to suck in bed? I’m going to go home and cry now. After I call to hear your sweet voice.
Confession #1558
You and our son were gone this weekend. I thought it would be nice to have you guys gone...get things done. It wasn't. I couldn't sleep, the house (regardless of the fact that we have a HUGE dog and two cats) was empty without you. For all the whining I do, I know I have it good. I'm sorry I am such a nag sometimes, but I am truly grateful for the fact that you love me and that we are married, a couple.
I will continue to work on us til' the day I die. You are my other half and I am only so lucky to have found you in this lifetime. I can NOT even begin to fathom what it would be like without you two in my life (and the other little guy on the way as well!).
I love you with all that I am.
Even if I did get a bunch of stuff done, I would have rather had you two home with me messing the house up!
Confession #1559
I wish you would do something to actively train the dog. I don't understand why you can't see that yelling at the dog is ineffective. The problem is that we, yes - we, are not consistent. But it makes it worse when you encourage the dog to act in aggressive ways by wrestling with him and not making him go through commands to get what he wants. Just read the stupid training book already!
Confession #1560
To my husband, from the beginning i have lied. i was not on birth control like i said. that is how i got pregnant. then i lied when i said that i wanted to marry you. i forced you into the military so that we could have something. i thought that you would realize that you needed me. i thought that being away from your family would let you put me and our child first. never happend. then i wanted the second baby. when we found out it was another girl you made me feel like it was my fault. you were not uspportive throughtout either one of my pregnancies. never once rubbed my feet and even when i was in labor you couldn't step away from your mother long enough to keep rubbing my back during the contractions. we finally were able to live together and you pissed it away. you treated me like shit and our daughters. made me feel like it was my fault we had nothing. you didn't want me to work. we had been together almost 4 yrs before you asked me why i never had an orgasm w you. how can you be that selfish? i was relieved when you left for deployment. i never missed you while you have been gone. yes i lost 20 lbs. and yes i have cheated. just so i could feel like it was a privilege for someone to sleep with me. i have slept w 7 men since you have been gone. i don't feel bad about that. there were some great lovers in there. they made me feel special even when we both knew that is was a one time thing. but now i have fallen in love w the last man. he is the man that i have always wanted. he loves me back. more so than you could ever show. he loves me. he doesn't mind the stretch marks or the crazy hair that i have. he doesn't care when i wear my glasses. he loves all of that about me. he is nothing like you. he makes me feel like i can be me. i can tell him all of my dirty sexual fantasies. he has never judged me on them. he wants to take me up on my offers. he wants to make me cum like you couldn't. yes we lay in our bed together. yes he has met our children. i lied to you about those things. i know you know about him. you will never know the details. i will never tell you that the girls and i go over there when he has his son. that our children play together. that our youngest likes him so much. that our oldest thinks he is sooo funny. he is so respectful of me. he thinks of me first. like you never did. yes i am sorry that i hurt you. but i am not sorry for being with him. when you get back i agreed to go to couseling. i said that we could make it work. i lied. i am going to build a new life w the other man. he wants me to have his baby. i want to have his. even though i told you i didn't want anymore children. so there.
Sometimes I hate you my husband. Deep down I do love you, but you've made a
mess of our lives these past four years. You wanted to own your own company
- that was fine, it was your dream. What wasn't fine was getting us into
over $150,000 in debt in just 3 years. Now we have no way out. You had to go
away to work last month to make extra money for us - just to get by, and you
know what... I don't miss you one bit. I am so full of resentment about our
financial run that it is eating away at me. We owe the tax man so much money
that they might put a lien on our house - or we could go bankrupt and they
can take our house and sell it. Guess what idiot - you do have to pay taxes!
They do catch up with you, now they've caught up with the fact that you
didn't pay a fucking dime in the past year to any of our creditors and now
we're screwed. So when you call and say you miss me and you miss our two
young daughters, I don't feel one bit sorry for you, you made this mess, you
better get us out or I'm gone.
Confession #1552
Dear Lazy Husband,
So when you left for deployment I lost the rest of my baby weight. Then I found the man that I was physically attracted to more then you. We had sex and I swallowed for him. Then when I went the club w my friend I found another physically attratctive man that I slept with. I continued to sleep with different men until I found HIM. I am now in love with HIM. and HE loves me. HE treats me better than you could ever. I said we could go to counseling to see if we could salvage our marriage. I lied. I don't want to. I want to leave you and start a life for myself and our children. I know you only know about the last man. And I also know that you don't know that we are in love. I don't want you to know about that. I know you want to know HIS name so that you can ruin HIS career. I will never tell you. I will tell you another man's name before I will ever tell you HIS real name.HE means more to me than you ever did. You put me through hell for 4 years. You made me feel like it was my fault we didn't ever have the boy that you wanted. I told you that I didn't want anymore children. I lied about that also. I want to have HIS babies. And if we can make it work than i will.I feel better.
Confession #1553
You want to know why the wound won't heal? Why I continue to get upset every time yet another friend announces her pregnancy? Because in addition to being sad that we won't be trying to start our own family this summer like we thought, I feel like it is my fault. Because I didn't lose weight last year, and I need to, because I'm the one who brought the debt into the marriage that we are still paying off, and it's my fault that the debt tripled last year. So in addition to mourning what won't be, I feel like it is my fault. And I'm afraid that we won't be able to get pregnant for some reason, and it'll be my fault and I'll regret that we're putting it off. That's why I cry every time one of my friends says they are expecting, because not only does it hurt, but I feel guilty too and it's too much to bear.
Confession #1554
Darling,
I have intentionally mis-matched your socks. You are so anal-retentive
that I know it messes up your whole day. Next time, don't piss me off
when I'm putting laundry away. Be grateful that I do it!!!
Confession #1555
There is guy at work who I know likes me. I've caught myself daydreaming about it. We chat a bit at work... what makes it complicated is that you work there too, dear hubby. I don't know if I honestly feel guilty about thinking these things. I daydream about being with this guy, I dream about sex that I enjoy - where it doesn't end up with me getting hurt from all the pinching and biting (that turns you on... but NOT all the time for me). Maybe it's just the thought of being on the same wavelength in bed... that we haven't had in such a long time, that is why I've thought about having sex... hell, fucking....this other guy.
If I ever did it... and you found out... I know it would kill you. Literally. You are not the most healthy guy on the planet. Having a bad heart, makes me reconsider taking it any further. But I really wish - if I could get away with it - and not have the concequences... that I really would want to have sex with the other guy. To feel so wanted - it really turns me on. Makes me realize that I've not lost my touch.
But I've not done much more than talk to the guy. I get excited at the thought of him in me. You dear hubby would be clueless - and I'm not sure I could. I'm hesitant. Maybe because I don't want to dip my pen in too much company ink. I just crave having something "different" in my life... spice it up... I just want to be naughty.
I know it doesn't work that way... but god, it's so damn tempting. I wonder if the other guy would want to take it any futher... he's in a relationship... but who knows. I know he's not happy... I kind of wish he'd try to take it to the next level... I want to kiss him. I want to feel him getting hard. I don't even know if has to be sex - just the thrill of the chase is such a turn on.
I really do care about you hubby... but I just don't know if we connect so well on that level. I thought it would get better with communication - but it's more about what turns you on... and I just have to suck up the pain. I think if I could get off on the thrill of the hunt with this other guy... I probably would.
Confession #1556
I don't know what is happening with our sex life. I just know it barely clings to existence. You tell me when we talk that you are still attracted to me, and I know you aren't cheating on me and I know you aren't looking at porn, and I think I believe you when you say you are happy with things, but would enjoy more frequent sex. But then, why don't you ever initiate sex? Ever? I don't know what to think and initiating sex feels like one more chore, and I hate that.
Confession #1557
You were my hero when I was abandoned while pregnant. You told me I was beautiful when I felt fat and ugly. You told me you loved me and had never even touched me. You came to the hospital the day my daughter was born, took one look at me with my no makeup, hair a mess, bloated beyond belief and told me that you had never seen someone so beautiful in your entire life. I fell in love with you like no other man I have ever loved in my entire life. I felt your kiss all the way to my toes. When my daughter turned 5 months old, we finally did the deed. Then things changed. Feelings changed. I loved you completely with every cell of my being, but your feelings started to change. A year and a half has gone by and now you’re back at my door trying to come in. I let you in once again. But the sex sucks!! How can I teach you that I am not a heavy metal air guitar to be plucked at violently. I am sensitive. My body parts are sensitive. The women who told you it felt good deserve to be hurt because they LIED to you!!. Why? Why can’t it be mind blowing like that first kiss? Why do you have to suck in bed? I’m going to go home and cry now. After I call to hear your sweet voice.
Confession #1558
You and our son were gone this weekend. I thought it would be nice to have you guys gone...get things done. It wasn't. I couldn't sleep, the house (regardless of the fact that we have a HUGE dog and two cats) was empty without you. For all the whining I do, I know I have it good. I'm sorry I am such a nag sometimes, but I am truly grateful for the fact that you love me and that we are married, a couple.
I will continue to work on us til' the day I die. You are my other half and I am only so lucky to have found you in this lifetime. I can NOT even begin to fathom what it would be like without you two in my life (and the other little guy on the way as well!).
I love you with all that I am.
Even if I did get a bunch of stuff done, I would have rather had you two home with me messing the house up!
Confession #1559
I wish you would do something to actively train the dog. I don't understand why you can't see that yelling at the dog is ineffective. The problem is that we, yes - we, are not consistent. But it makes it worse when you encourage the dog to act in aggressive ways by wrestling with him and not making him go through commands to get what he wants. Just read the stupid training book already!
Confession #1560
To my husband, from the beginning i have lied. i was not on birth control like i said. that is how i got pregnant. then i lied when i said that i wanted to marry you. i forced you into the military so that we could have something. i thought that you would realize that you needed me. i thought that being away from your family would let you put me and our child first. never happend. then i wanted the second baby. when we found out it was another girl you made me feel like it was my fault. you were not uspportive throughtout either one of my pregnancies. never once rubbed my feet and even when i was in labor you couldn't step away from your mother long enough to keep rubbing my back during the contractions. we finally were able to live together and you pissed it away. you treated me like shit and our daughters. made me feel like it was my fault we had nothing. you didn't want me to work. we had been together almost 4 yrs before you asked me why i never had an orgasm w you. how can you be that selfish? i was relieved when you left for deployment. i never missed you while you have been gone. yes i lost 20 lbs. and yes i have cheated. just so i could feel like it was a privilege for someone to sleep with me. i have slept w 7 men since you have been gone. i don't feel bad about that. there were some great lovers in there. they made me feel special even when we both knew that is was a one time thing. but now i have fallen in love w the last man. he is the man that i have always wanted. he loves me back. more so than you could ever show. he loves me. he doesn't mind the stretch marks or the crazy hair that i have. he doesn't care when i wear my glasses. he loves all of that about me. he is nothing like you. he makes me feel like i can be me. i can tell him all of my dirty sexual fantasies. he has never judged me on them. he wants to take me up on my offers. he wants to make me cum like you couldn't. yes we lay in our bed together. yes he has met our children. i lied to you about those things. i know you know about him. you will never know the details. i will never tell you that the girls and i go over there when he has his son. that our children play together. that our youngest likes him so much. that our oldest thinks he is sooo funny. he is so respectful of me. he thinks of me first. like you never did. yes i am sorry that i hurt you. but i am not sorry for being with him. when you get back i agreed to go to couseling. i said that we could make it work. i lied. i am going to build a new life w the other man. he wants me to have his baby. i want to have his. even though i told you i didn't want anymore children. so there.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
True Wife Confessions 155 minutes it takes my dryer to dry anything
Confessions #1541
I wrote to your TWC site back in August ’06, and today is the first time I’m going back to read my post. Turns out, I am #495. Here now is an update…
After reading what I wrote almost 6 months ago, I can’t believe how much I have learned about you, my darling husband, and why you changed. Do you wan to know why you turned into someone I didn’t find sexy? It was because of me.
Your backbone softened because I emasculated you.
You went into defense mode because I was always doubting you, insinuating you did something wrong, or that you didn’t do whatever it was I asked of you at all.
And the reason you don’t do anything I ask you to, is because no matter what you do, I tell you how you could have done it better or I critique you the entire time you do it.
And to think that all the while, you still told me that you loved me every single day, chased me around the house trying to grab my “80-pounds-heavier-than-when-we-got-married” ass, and cuddled with me every morning before getting out of bed, of your own volition.
In trying to find out how I could change you back to how you were when we first got married, I discovered that it was my actions that changed you from being that wonderful man you were. Once I’d discovered that, I decided that it was more important for me to be happy than it was for me to be right. I decided to not only change my ways, but to also tell you that I recognized that I’d done all those things, told you how very sorry I was (and I continue to tell you), and thanked you so very much for adoring me in spite of it.
And guess what - you’re back now. The man that I first met who was just so easy going, confident, and helpful without my asking has returned. When I’m being miserable about my weight, you tell me I’m too hard on myself and that I’m gorgeous, and that you find me to be the sexiest woman you’ve ever met. You do every ounce of laundry, folding it too, without complaint. You run errands for me, get me something to drink, and call me when I’m about to leave work to see if there’s something you can make me for dinner.
And I can’t wait to see how unbelievable you will be as a dad… I fall in love with you a little bit more each time I just think about it.
Not many people these days can honestly say they are madly in love with their spouse, and I’m proud to be one of those women. You’re back, the man I married, and I promise to never crush your spirit ever again. You are fabulous, I love and adore you, and I am so incredibly lucky to have you for the rest of my life.
Confessions #1542
I know that you don't get off like you used to after your surgery for
stones. I get it...the doctors cut your nerves but your equipment still
works...it just takes longer to get off! So how come you think that now you
have to be boring in bed? Now I have to touch myself inside of you. You are
there when I do and you get hard but you don't ever put it in me! Yes, you
give me plenty of touch and kisses and you caress me enough BUT I still want
you inside me. Just because you have to use your hand to have and orgasim
doesn't mean that you can't ever but it inside me! I love you. You are my
best friend and believe it or not we can talk about anything! I tell you
what I need and you listen to me but for whatever reason, you have never
acted on being better in bed? I tell you about it but nothing ever changes.
I guess I will just have to keep trying. You are the only one I want to be
with so I guess for right now, we will just have to use my buddy instead of
yours!
Confessions #1543
I have to confess -- I really did see your truck by the house when I left yesterday. I just didn't want to traipse all the way down to the garden just to say goodbye. Instead, I pretended to not know that you wee home. It just wasn't worth the trip down there just for a mere peck. Sorry
Confessions #1544
Dear husband...and I use the term loosely. Thank you for cheating on me 3 years ago. You admitted you were jealous after our daughter was born, the time and attention she needed made you feel neglected you said. Too bad you couldn't be bothered to help me with her so I could have more time for you. Our beautiful daughter that you begged me for years to become pregnant with. Believe me, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for asking me to give up my career and my income so "we" can raise our child while you hand me a $100 bill now and then for household expenses like diapers, groceries or toothpaste. Thank you for running us into financial ruin, spending money on everyone, girlfriends, dinners, drugs, booze, cars, especially yourself but not me or your daughter. You confessed, you are sick and have to have other women even though you say I'm beautiful, smart and classy. You tell me all the time, I make you look good. For who? Thank you for trashing my credit because you have this extravagant lifestyle you want to keep to impress everyone. Thank you for treating me like a possession, arm candy a trophy wife. Thank you because you have taught me this is not love and my daughter and I deserve so much more. Now that I have hired a lawyer, I realize there will be nothing left to support your daughter. I'm not bitter, I just have to thank you for teaching me a life lesson, I have grown and I'm a better person for it. I'm stronger now than ever. I'm happy I can go out and support myself and my daughter, continue to love and appreciate her as I always have. Thank you soon to be ex husband!
Confessions #1545
I am not married. I am divorced. I am a rape survivor.
I contracted herpes when I was raped in college. I
slid into depression. After my divorce, I lived with a
man who treated me very badly. He tried to kill me
when he found out I was cheating on him. He pointed a
gun at me and called me names. Still, I stayed, even
when he threatened me, even when he called me a fucked
up cunt. Finally, he left. I have tried to kill myself
three times now. Even today, I still think about how
I'm going to do it right next time. I slept with men
to stay in control. I slept with them without telling
them about my herpes as a revenge against the one who
raped me. I still don't know who it was. I was drunk
and couldn't fight back. I am in counseling now. My
ex-husband pities me. My ex-boyfriend hates me. And I
am deathly afraid of trusting another man. I fear I
will never have a clean slate. I fear I will always be
the cheating slut my ex says I am.
Confessions #1546
Your best friend is a fucking great kisser. And I wish I knew how great of a fuck he was. But I can't do it because I love you. Even though you deserve it. After all the times you did it to me. And I know we're supposed to be rebuilding but I would rather just take a day and kiss him sometimes. He remembered my birthday and remembered a gift I said I wanted SIX MONTHS AGO and got it for me despite us not talking for 6 months. He should give you lessons. And I wish he found me first. Sometimes. Other times, you're all I want. Where's the guy I married?
Confessions #1547
Sometimes I read through the Missed Connections in the newspaper in hopes of seeing a guy looking for me. I know you love me, but I miss being wanted and longed for.
Confessions #1548
If you loved me as much as you say, this wouldn't have happened. Running away does not make the problem go away. Although I wish it did. Because, after all this time, I thought we'd be together until the end. Little do you know, I'm happy. With or without you in my life, I can do this. A little piece of my heart thanks you for not being strong enough because I've found someone who can make me laugh. Sometimes I still lay awake at night thinking about you, thinking about all of your possessions in the back of my closet. But I realize, we were never as happy as we made it seem. I waited when you moved 1000 miles south. I drove 7 hours to see you on weekends. But there was nothing here for you. Love wasn't enough I guess. I'm experiencing life. I'm trying new things. And I've never smiled so much. So I hope you still think about me, and wonder how I am. Perhaps one day we'll find each other again.
Confessions #1549
I confess -- I'm actually glad that you don't want to go visit my family with me. It will be a much less stressful trip without you there. So I'm absolutely delighted to be traveling without you, dear husband.
Confessions #1550
I still miss you. No contact since August - but I think about you every day. It is getting less painful, but I wonder if the hurt will ever truly go away. The stories always end with the people who are in love being together - but our story will never end that way. If you emailed, if you called - I don't think I would be strong enough to turn you away. Thank you for knowing this about me. It may be stupid but I view your silence as a gift to me.
I wrote to your TWC site back in August ’06, and today is the first time I’m going back to read my post. Turns out, I am #495. Here now is an update…
After reading what I wrote almost 6 months ago, I can’t believe how much I have learned about you, my darling husband, and why you changed. Do you wan to know why you turned into someone I didn’t find sexy? It was because of me.
Your backbone softened because I emasculated you.
You went into defense mode because I was always doubting you, insinuating you did something wrong, or that you didn’t do whatever it was I asked of you at all.
And the reason you don’t do anything I ask you to, is because no matter what you do, I tell you how you could have done it better or I critique you the entire time you do it.
And to think that all the while, you still told me that you loved me every single day, chased me around the house trying to grab my “80-pounds-heavier-than-when-we-got-married” ass, and cuddled with me every morning before getting out of bed, of your own volition.
In trying to find out how I could change you back to how you were when we first got married, I discovered that it was my actions that changed you from being that wonderful man you were. Once I’d discovered that, I decided that it was more important for me to be happy than it was for me to be right. I decided to not only change my ways, but to also tell you that I recognized that I’d done all those things, told you how very sorry I was (and I continue to tell you), and thanked you so very much for adoring me in spite of it.
And guess what - you’re back now. The man that I first met who was just so easy going, confident, and helpful without my asking has returned. When I’m being miserable about my weight, you tell me I’m too hard on myself and that I’m gorgeous, and that you find me to be the sexiest woman you’ve ever met. You do every ounce of laundry, folding it too, without complaint. You run errands for me, get me something to drink, and call me when I’m about to leave work to see if there’s something you can make me for dinner.
And I can’t wait to see how unbelievable you will be as a dad… I fall in love with you a little bit more each time I just think about it.
Not many people these days can honestly say they are madly in love with their spouse, and I’m proud to be one of those women. You’re back, the man I married, and I promise to never crush your spirit ever again. You are fabulous, I love and adore you, and I am so incredibly lucky to have you for the rest of my life.
Confessions #1542
I know that you don't get off like you used to after your surgery for
stones. I get it...the doctors cut your nerves but your equipment still
works...it just takes longer to get off! So how come you think that now you
have to be boring in bed? Now I have to touch myself inside of you. You are
there when I do and you get hard but you don't ever put it in me! Yes, you
give me plenty of touch and kisses and you caress me enough BUT I still want
you inside me. Just because you have to use your hand to have and orgasim
doesn't mean that you can't ever but it inside me! I love you. You are my
best friend and believe it or not we can talk about anything! I tell you
what I need and you listen to me but for whatever reason, you have never
acted on being better in bed? I tell you about it but nothing ever changes.
I guess I will just have to keep trying. You are the only one I want to be
with so I guess for right now, we will just have to use my buddy instead of
yours!
Confessions #1543
I have to confess -- I really did see your truck by the house when I left yesterday. I just didn't want to traipse all the way down to the garden just to say goodbye. Instead, I pretended to not know that you wee home. It just wasn't worth the trip down there just for a mere peck. Sorry
Confessions #1544
Dear husband...and I use the term loosely. Thank you for cheating on me 3 years ago. You admitted you were jealous after our daughter was born, the time and attention she needed made you feel neglected you said. Too bad you couldn't be bothered to help me with her so I could have more time for you. Our beautiful daughter that you begged me for years to become pregnant with. Believe me, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for asking me to give up my career and my income so "we" can raise our child while you hand me a $100 bill now and then for household expenses like diapers, groceries or toothpaste. Thank you for running us into financial ruin, spending money on everyone, girlfriends, dinners, drugs, booze, cars, especially yourself but not me or your daughter. You confessed, you are sick and have to have other women even though you say I'm beautiful, smart and classy. You tell me all the time, I make you look good. For who? Thank you for trashing my credit because you have this extravagant lifestyle you want to keep to impress everyone. Thank you for treating me like a possession, arm candy a trophy wife. Thank you because you have taught me this is not love and my daughter and I deserve so much more. Now that I have hired a lawyer, I realize there will be nothing left to support your daughter. I'm not bitter, I just have to thank you for teaching me a life lesson, I have grown and I'm a better person for it. I'm stronger now than ever. I'm happy I can go out and support myself and my daughter, continue to love and appreciate her as I always have. Thank you soon to be ex husband!
Confessions #1545
I am not married. I am divorced. I am a rape survivor.
I contracted herpes when I was raped in college. I
slid into depression. After my divorce, I lived with a
man who treated me very badly. He tried to kill me
when he found out I was cheating on him. He pointed a
gun at me and called me names. Still, I stayed, even
when he threatened me, even when he called me a fucked
up cunt. Finally, he left. I have tried to kill myself
three times now. Even today, I still think about how
I'm going to do it right next time. I slept with men
to stay in control. I slept with them without telling
them about my herpes as a revenge against the one who
raped me. I still don't know who it was. I was drunk
and couldn't fight back. I am in counseling now. My
ex-husband pities me. My ex-boyfriend hates me. And I
am deathly afraid of trusting another man. I fear I
will never have a clean slate. I fear I will always be
the cheating slut my ex says I am.
Confessions #1546
Your best friend is a fucking great kisser. And I wish I knew how great of a fuck he was. But I can't do it because I love you. Even though you deserve it. After all the times you did it to me. And I know we're supposed to be rebuilding but I would rather just take a day and kiss him sometimes. He remembered my birthday and remembered a gift I said I wanted SIX MONTHS AGO and got it for me despite us not talking for 6 months. He should give you lessons. And I wish he found me first. Sometimes. Other times, you're all I want. Where's the guy I married?
Confessions #1547
Sometimes I read through the Missed Connections in the newspaper in hopes of seeing a guy looking for me. I know you love me, but I miss being wanted and longed for.
Confessions #1548
If you loved me as much as you say, this wouldn't have happened. Running away does not make the problem go away. Although I wish it did. Because, after all this time, I thought we'd be together until the end. Little do you know, I'm happy. With or without you in my life, I can do this. A little piece of my heart thanks you for not being strong enough because I've found someone who can make me laugh. Sometimes I still lay awake at night thinking about you, thinking about all of your possessions in the back of my closet. But I realize, we were never as happy as we made it seem. I waited when you moved 1000 miles south. I drove 7 hours to see you on weekends. But there was nothing here for you. Love wasn't enough I guess. I'm experiencing life. I'm trying new things. And I've never smiled so much. So I hope you still think about me, and wonder how I am. Perhaps one day we'll find each other again.
Confessions #1549
I confess -- I'm actually glad that you don't want to go visit my family with me. It will be a much less stressful trip without you there. So I'm absolutely delighted to be traveling without you, dear husband.
Confessions #1550
I still miss you. No contact since August - but I think about you every day. It is getting less painful, but I wonder if the hurt will ever truly go away. The stories always end with the people who are in love being together - but our story will never end that way. If you emailed, if you called - I don't think I would be strong enough to turn you away. Thank you for knowing this about me. It may be stupid but I view your silence as a gift to me.
Monday, February 05, 2007
True Wife Confessions 154 ways semen can make your teeth whiter - Not.
Confession #1531
When you came home this morning from work to take ***** to school, I asked you what you told your boss on why you had to leave early. And you said "I told him that I had to take MY little girl to school."
That almost brought me to tears because she is your stepdaughter, but you love her like your very own. I wish you would have been their when you told your boss that.
PS.
YNWIM
Confession #1532
I had an affair. I got drunk on my last trip and ended up in bed with an old friend.
While it was good, it is not enough to make me want to leave you. If I leave, it will be for a multitude of better reasons. But it did teach me something. I now know why I have no sex drive. It is not me, it is you. You are a lazy lover, you do not care about my needs at all, and you are a sadist. All the things that you have brainwashed me to think are normal and acceptable things (you know, the things you do that you know I don't like but you do them anyway), he did not do and was shocked that someone would do that to a person that they supposedly love. I had for the first time in years an experience that I did not have to dread what was coming next, that I could do as I wanted for once, and with someone who treated me with respect and far more affection than you have ever shown me. Now that I remember what sex is supposed to be like, don't count on me participating in your little games. I deserve better than that, and until you can deal with it, you can go without. I will not be made to feel like that again. Ever.
Confession #1533
Your mother drives me nuts! I would never say this out loud because
she and I have always gotten along, but she is a dingbat on a good
day and completely clueless. I know you don't pick up on the passive
aggressive criticisms because your family is terrified of
confrontation, so passive aggressive is their only means of
communicating anything other than happy thoughts. I also know that I
pose a huge challenge for your mother as I speak my mind (always
tactfully) and I am not afraid of confrontation. I am never
combative with anyone, but for some reason she still won't say what
she means to me. She can't understand why our daughter and now our
son don't get bottles. She knows I am breastfeeding and that I stay
home, so why would I need to use bottles??? It's easier to nurse him
and it's better for him! She also knows you don't help with the kids
much. She has commented that you " learned from the best" at
avoiding helping out with the kids- meaning you are exactly like your
father. That is my only saving grace- she knows I do a whole hell of
a lot and she knows I do it alone. I know she doesn't hate me and I
know she cares a lot about me, but we have this barrier between us
and I really feel like it's her feeling that I am stepping on her toes.
She insists on hosting all the holidays, and when we Christened our
daughter she wanted to host it and was pissed when we told her no
thank you, when we had our daughter's birthday, she offered and was
turned down very quickly. She came to our house and made no comments
on the food, decorations, nothing! I got this feeling from her with
our wedding and never mentioned it. I felt she wanted to be very
involved- make decisions, call the shots, and her favorite... get the
credit. I involved her more than most bride's would and I shared all
the details with her. I think this is why your parents paid for none
of our $50k wedding other than the rehearsal dinner. I know that
bothers you because you thought they should have at least offered
(not to mention they can definitely afford it) and I know you think
they could have bellied up some bucks toward the $10k honeymoon.
It's neither here nor there now, but it is in the back of my mind
that she likes to be the queen bee/center of attention. I was in
charge of the wedding and she was the mother of the groom so this put
her in unfamiliar territory (having planned both your sisters
weddings before)- it really came to my attention when her friends all
came to me (separately) at the wedding and raved at how wonderful it
was and that I had done such a fabulous job "planning this all by
yourself". They all said the same thing which makes me think it was
talked about constantly by her to them.
It also drives me insane that she has this arrogance about taking
care of the kids. She thinks that because she raised four kids she
should be entrusted with ours even though she seems to have forgotten
everything about actually watching them. When we brought our son
home from the hospital and I had to remove our 18 month old daughter
from the wood steps it really opened my eyes. She was reading a
fucking magazine when she was supposed to be watching our daughter!
The gate was at the bottom of the steps, against the wall, exactly
where I had left it when we went to the hospital three days earlier.
It had not been used, she had not even tried to use it. We were very
clear that our daughter does not go near the steps. What kind of
help is that when I am in the bed with a newborn and a surgical
incision, you're in the shower and she's supposed to feeding our
daughter and I hear her climbing the steps? She didn't even
apologize, she blamed our daughter. She said "she was just there
playing in the window, I didn't even hear her go up". Duhhhhh, She
does things like this all the time. SHe thinks it's ok to skip naps,
move nap time around and just feed the kids anything- she is cluless-
I have seen her with your sisters kids and it's the same. How did
she raise four of you guys? How did she forget it all? She lets
them get away from her and acts like it's fine. Your nephew fell
down her steps when she was watching him, your niece has been pulled
off the steps numerous times when in her care. Both children (3 and
1 yrs old) were wondering around outside in the driveway that time
and your mother didn't even know they were outside! Your nephew
walked behind my car while I was backing up and she didn't know he
was outside. Why would I leave my children with her when she clearly
is off her game?
I would never blast you with all this because there is no solution,
and I do appreciate that you at least seem to see it, but it drives
me crazy and I can't stand her constant "forgetting" that our son
doesn't use a bottle and her asking "is that good for him to not use
a bottle?" and "wouldn't it teach something if he took a bottle?" He
takes a bottle from the ladies at the gym daycare, that's really the
only time he's away from me. Would she prefer that I put some coke
in a bottle like she did???? Idiot!
Confession #1534
You insist we purchase bottled water. So when your gallon jug gets to be about 1/2 empty, I refill it to about 3/4 full with water from the sink.
You haven't noticed yet.
Confession #1535
One major issue I believe after several years of marriage is this: you never
speak your opinion and blame the lack of results on me. Did you know that
married folks actually have to talk together to plan for things they want to
achieve? Yes, but you don't seem remotely interested, or say that I wasn't
interested so you don't raise the issue for 5 years or so. For me I like to
plan things: small goals, deal with my infertility, and hmmm, then let's try
to plan for retirement shall we? Or shall we let fate take it's course and
see where the wind blows us next. Here comes the stormy weather.
I rarely get a spontaneous reaction unless you're drunk. I feel, therefore,
that you're a stranger until you get drunk and lose your inhibitions.
Stories that you share while drunk really make me feel like I don't know
you. I don't think you'll let anyone in, and I've been fooling myself that
you would let me in.
I've met someone. Well, I've met someone online. For the past 4 months
we've grown to support one another: first as friends, but now we both want
more. I believe that my online use is due to my lack of socialization since
you're so introverted, and it's smothering me. No friends except mine do we
visit; or, at least the ones you approve of. My family and extended family
are not acceptable, but I have to bend to your bidding when your folks come
to town.
I'm feeling empowered for the first time in a long time by this one person.
The raw communication and honesty is refreshing. I don't have any
reservations about bringing up any topic, and thoughtful responses are
incredibly forthcoming. I cling to my online life knowing that I have a lot
of support there...I now want him to be part of my everyday life, but I
can't have you in it as well.
I'm social, vibrant, expressive, pissed off sometimes, craving reciprocal
passion, and I've given up all that I enjoy because you don't or think you
won't like them. I need to explore my passions, my desire for art, and I
must get back to connecting with real live humans. You've kept me locked in
this pumpkin shell; but look out man...I'm bustin' out of here.
Confession #1536
As I read your confession I felt like I knew you, I felt like crying for you because through your writing I felt your pain. I read this site a lot and I read all about everybody’s lives and how some are happy and some are very sad. This confession really touched me, I know how it is to have medical problems and people not understand how you feel and how it affects your body, mind and soul. I pray that it gets better for you and everybody that is unhappy and sad on this site. I wish nothing but blessings and GOD’s strength for the woman on here.
Sincerely,
Blessed and Highly Favored
Confession #1537
I don't want to have feelings for him. But I do.
He's so anti-you in all the right ways. Now you're gone.
I know you won't be back. And I don't want you to come
back. It's done.
I saw you so clearly the last time. Someone so selfish and
full of bullshit pride that he will never even know what
kind of love was there.
And now he's there. Being the person that I always wished
you were. Saying the things I always wished you would say.
It's as if my heart was completely dehydrated by you and
he's filling it up with the water that it desperately
needs.
But he's with someone else. He's not *for* me even though
he says he is.
And so I try to stay away, but I can't say no to him, even
though my head screams it, my heart doesn't allow that
scream to be heard. My fucking dehydrated heart needs that
water.
Confession #1538
I've said it before - the occasional days you let me sleep in - and I find fresh bagels and coffee in the thermos when I wake - Damn, but that makes me fall in love with you again.
Confession #1539
Three years I waited.
Patiently, angrily, frustrated.
I waited for three years for you to sleep with me.
You never did.
You wouldn't even talk about it.
Every single day for three years I thought about cheating on you.
Did I do it?
No.
Nobody can understand why I didn't.
I don't know why I didn't either.
I felt disgusting every day.
Like I wasn't pretty enough for you.
To tell you the truth, if I had cheated, we'd probably still be together.
Instead, you're gone, I'm going to get laid, and you're alone.
I'm happy now.
Confession #1540
I need a man who is honest.
...who is financially responsible.
...who can take care of me, both by giving me things I need and being strong enough to hold me accountable.
...who honors his commitments.
...who can make decisions and stick with them.
...who can say no to me and to himself.
...who can prioritize and do what he needs to do before what he wants to do.
I need a man who knows that love is necessary, but that sex and all that stuff is just icing on the cake.
...who can admit when he is wrong and forgive me when I am wrong.
...who understand that sometimes (most of the time), we are both wrong.
...who tells me I am beautiful and can explain why without ever mentioning my body.
...who would love to spend every moment with me, but can give me space and take space for himself without any resentment.
I need a man who believes I can do anything and who wants me to try everything, even if it means he has to wait for me.
...who values my education over his desires for our future.
I need a patient man.
I need a man who will change.
...who changes without me ever having to ask.
...who understands that compromising doesn't have to mean sacrificing your integrity.
...who understands that the world isn't always fair, but nevertheless knows that we are blessed and unworthy of God's grace.
...who doesn't feel like he is entitled to anything from me or the world.
...who knows the difference between a dream and a promise.
...who won't throw my words back in my face.
I need a man who begins every day with a clean slate and keeps no record of wrongs.
...who doesn't keep score, but knows that with love, we both win.
...who believes I am perfect, but aknowledges and forgives my faults.
...who I don't have to justify or explain to anyone.
...who the world can admire and respect as much as I do.
I need a man whose priorities are in the right place.
...who will spoil me when he can, but knows that sometimes it's better to go without.
...who I am never afraid of.
...who makes me a better person by loving me and allowing me to love him in return.
I'm pretty sure... I have found that man.
When you came home this morning from work to take ***** to school, I asked you what you told your boss on why you had to leave early. And you said "I told him that I had to take MY little girl to school."
That almost brought me to tears because she is your stepdaughter, but you love her like your very own. I wish you would have been their when you told your boss that.
PS.
YNWIM
Confession #1532
I had an affair. I got drunk on my last trip and ended up in bed with an old friend.
While it was good, it is not enough to make me want to leave you. If I leave, it will be for a multitude of better reasons. But it did teach me something. I now know why I have no sex drive. It is not me, it is you. You are a lazy lover, you do not care about my needs at all, and you are a sadist. All the things that you have brainwashed me to think are normal and acceptable things (you know, the things you do that you know I don't like but you do them anyway), he did not do and was shocked that someone would do that to a person that they supposedly love. I had for the first time in years an experience that I did not have to dread what was coming next, that I could do as I wanted for once, and with someone who treated me with respect and far more affection than you have ever shown me. Now that I remember what sex is supposed to be like, don't count on me participating in your little games. I deserve better than that, and until you can deal with it, you can go without. I will not be made to feel like that again. Ever.
Confession #1533
Your mother drives me nuts! I would never say this out loud because
she and I have always gotten along, but she is a dingbat on a good
day and completely clueless. I know you don't pick up on the passive
aggressive criticisms because your family is terrified of
confrontation, so passive aggressive is their only means of
communicating anything other than happy thoughts. I also know that I
pose a huge challenge for your mother as I speak my mind (always
tactfully) and I am not afraid of confrontation. I am never
combative with anyone, but for some reason she still won't say what
she means to me. She can't understand why our daughter and now our
son don't get bottles. She knows I am breastfeeding and that I stay
home, so why would I need to use bottles??? It's easier to nurse him
and it's better for him! She also knows you don't help with the kids
much. She has commented that you " learned from the best" at
avoiding helping out with the kids- meaning you are exactly like your
father. That is my only saving grace- she knows I do a whole hell of
a lot and she knows I do it alone. I know she doesn't hate me and I
know she cares a lot about me, but we have this barrier between us
and I really feel like it's her feeling that I am stepping on her toes.
She insists on hosting all the holidays, and when we Christened our
daughter she wanted to host it and was pissed when we told her no
thank you, when we had our daughter's birthday, she offered and was
turned down very quickly. She came to our house and made no comments
on the food, decorations, nothing! I got this feeling from her with
our wedding and never mentioned it. I felt she wanted to be very
involved- make decisions, call the shots, and her favorite... get the
credit. I involved her more than most bride's would and I shared all
the details with her. I think this is why your parents paid for none
of our $50k wedding other than the rehearsal dinner. I know that
bothers you because you thought they should have at least offered
(not to mention they can definitely afford it) and I know you think
they could have bellied up some bucks toward the $10k honeymoon.
It's neither here nor there now, but it is in the back of my mind
that she likes to be the queen bee/center of attention. I was in
charge of the wedding and she was the mother of the groom so this put
her in unfamiliar territory (having planned both your sisters
weddings before)- it really came to my attention when her friends all
came to me (separately) at the wedding and raved at how wonderful it
was and that I had done such a fabulous job "planning this all by
yourself". They all said the same thing which makes me think it was
talked about constantly by her to them.
It also drives me insane that she has this arrogance about taking
care of the kids. She thinks that because she raised four kids she
should be entrusted with ours even though she seems to have forgotten
everything about actually watching them. When we brought our son
home from the hospital and I had to remove our 18 month old daughter
from the wood steps it really opened my eyes. She was reading a
fucking magazine when she was supposed to be watching our daughter!
The gate was at the bottom of the steps, against the wall, exactly
where I had left it when we went to the hospital three days earlier.
It had not been used, she had not even tried to use it. We were very
clear that our daughter does not go near the steps. What kind of
help is that when I am in the bed with a newborn and a surgical
incision, you're in the shower and she's supposed to feeding our
daughter and I hear her climbing the steps? She didn't even
apologize, she blamed our daughter. She said "she was just there
playing in the window, I didn't even hear her go up". Duhhhhh, She
does things like this all the time. SHe thinks it's ok to skip naps,
move nap time around and just feed the kids anything- she is cluless-
I have seen her with your sisters kids and it's the same. How did
she raise four of you guys? How did she forget it all? She lets
them get away from her and acts like it's fine. Your nephew fell
down her steps when she was watching him, your niece has been pulled
off the steps numerous times when in her care. Both children (3 and
1 yrs old) were wondering around outside in the driveway that time
and your mother didn't even know they were outside! Your nephew
walked behind my car while I was backing up and she didn't know he
was outside. Why would I leave my children with her when she clearly
is off her game?
I would never blast you with all this because there is no solution,
and I do appreciate that you at least seem to see it, but it drives
me crazy and I can't stand her constant "forgetting" that our son
doesn't use a bottle and her asking "is that good for him to not use
a bottle?" and "wouldn't it teach something if he took a bottle?" He
takes a bottle from the ladies at the gym daycare, that's really the
only time he's away from me. Would she prefer that I put some coke
in a bottle like she did???? Idiot!
Confession #1534
You insist we purchase bottled water. So when your gallon jug gets to be about 1/2 empty, I refill it to about 3/4 full with water from the sink.
You haven't noticed yet.
Confession #1535
One major issue I believe after several years of marriage is this: you never
speak your opinion and blame the lack of results on me. Did you know that
married folks actually have to talk together to plan for things they want to
achieve? Yes, but you don't seem remotely interested, or say that I wasn't
interested so you don't raise the issue for 5 years or so. For me I like to
plan things: small goals, deal with my infertility, and hmmm, then let's try
to plan for retirement shall we? Or shall we let fate take it's course and
see where the wind blows us next. Here comes the stormy weather.
I rarely get a spontaneous reaction unless you're drunk. I feel, therefore,
that you're a stranger until you get drunk and lose your inhibitions.
Stories that you share while drunk really make me feel like I don't know
you. I don't think you'll let anyone in, and I've been fooling myself that
you would let me in.
I've met someone. Well, I've met someone online. For the past 4 months
we've grown to support one another: first as friends, but now we both want
more. I believe that my online use is due to my lack of socialization since
you're so introverted, and it's smothering me. No friends except mine do we
visit; or, at least the ones you approve of. My family and extended family
are not acceptable, but I have to bend to your bidding when your folks come
to town.
I'm feeling empowered for the first time in a long time by this one person.
The raw communication and honesty is refreshing. I don't have any
reservations about bringing up any topic, and thoughtful responses are
incredibly forthcoming. I cling to my online life knowing that I have a lot
of support there...I now want him to be part of my everyday life, but I
can't have you in it as well.
I'm social, vibrant, expressive, pissed off sometimes, craving reciprocal
passion, and I've given up all that I enjoy because you don't or think you
won't like them. I need to explore my passions, my desire for art, and I
must get back to connecting with real live humans. You've kept me locked in
this pumpkin shell; but look out man...I'm bustin' out of here.
Confession #1536
As I read your confession I felt like I knew you, I felt like crying for you because through your writing I felt your pain. I read this site a lot and I read all about everybody’s lives and how some are happy and some are very sad. This confession really touched me, I know how it is to have medical problems and people not understand how you feel and how it affects your body, mind and soul. I pray that it gets better for you and everybody that is unhappy and sad on this site. I wish nothing but blessings and GOD’s strength for the woman on here.
Sincerely,
Blessed and Highly Favored
Confession #1537
I don't want to have feelings for him. But I do.
He's so anti-you in all the right ways. Now you're gone.
I know you won't be back. And I don't want you to come
back. It's done.
I saw you so clearly the last time. Someone so selfish and
full of bullshit pride that he will never even know what
kind of love was there.
And now he's there. Being the person that I always wished
you were. Saying the things I always wished you would say.
It's as if my heart was completely dehydrated by you and
he's filling it up with the water that it desperately
needs.
But he's with someone else. He's not *for* me even though
he says he is.
And so I try to stay away, but I can't say no to him, even
though my head screams it, my heart doesn't allow that
scream to be heard. My fucking dehydrated heart needs that
water.
Confession #1538
I've said it before - the occasional days you let me sleep in - and I find fresh bagels and coffee in the thermos when I wake - Damn, but that makes me fall in love with you again.
Confession #1539
Three years I waited.
Patiently, angrily, frustrated.
I waited for three years for you to sleep with me.
You never did.
You wouldn't even talk about it.
Every single day for three years I thought about cheating on you.
Did I do it?
No.
Nobody can understand why I didn't.
I don't know why I didn't either.
I felt disgusting every day.
Like I wasn't pretty enough for you.
To tell you the truth, if I had cheated, we'd probably still be together.
Instead, you're gone, I'm going to get laid, and you're alone.
I'm happy now.
Confession #1540
I need a man who is honest.
...who is financially responsible.
...who can take care of me, both by giving me things I need and being strong enough to hold me accountable.
...who honors his commitments.
...who can make decisions and stick with them.
...who can say no to me and to himself.
...who can prioritize and do what he needs to do before what he wants to do.
I need a man who knows that love is necessary, but that sex and all that stuff is just icing on the cake.
...who can admit when he is wrong and forgive me when I am wrong.
...who understand that sometimes (most of the time), we are both wrong.
...who tells me I am beautiful and can explain why without ever mentioning my body.
...who would love to spend every moment with me, but can give me space and take space for himself without any resentment.
I need a man who believes I can do anything and who wants me to try everything, even if it means he has to wait for me.
...who values my education over his desires for our future.
I need a patient man.
I need a man who will change.
...who changes without me ever having to ask.
...who understands that compromising doesn't have to mean sacrificing your integrity.
...who understands that the world isn't always fair, but nevertheless knows that we are blessed and unworthy of God's grace.
...who doesn't feel like he is entitled to anything from me or the world.
...who knows the difference between a dream and a promise.
...who won't throw my words back in my face.
I need a man who begins every day with a clean slate and keeps no record of wrongs.
...who doesn't keep score, but knows that with love, we both win.
...who believes I am perfect, but aknowledges and forgives my faults.
...who I don't have to justify or explain to anyone.
...who the world can admire and respect as much as I do.
I need a man whose priorities are in the right place.
...who will spoil me when he can, but knows that sometimes it's better to go without.
...who I am never afraid of.
...who makes me a better person by loving me and allowing me to love him in return.
I'm pretty sure... I have found that man.
Friday, February 02, 2007
True Wife Confessions 153 shadows seen by the groundhog
Confession #1521
Regarding the issue of the young man (men) that were abducted in Missouri. A lot of people are wondering why he didn't make a phone call or any other attempt to escape. Here's the answer: He was terrorized. Terrorized. The first time I ever heard that word was when I was thirteen years old. I was home alone and the phone rang. I answered and the callers first words to me (which I will never forget) were "I have fixed your phone so that you cannot dial out even if you hang up. I am right behind your house and I am watching you. Do everything I say or me and my friends will come in and rape you." He went on for over an hour telling me to do various things: get all my parents jewelry and any liqueur and put it in a pillow case and place it outside my front door, all the while reminding me that he could see me. He told me to take off all my clothes and place them outside. He told me to get a turkey baster, I told him I didn't know what that was, he got very angry and told me to find anything to put in my vagina. I was in utter hysterics but made a very bold move to escape thru our sliding glass doors on the side of my house and run, with a towel wrapped around my naked body, to my best friends house four houses away. Hysterical and crying I explained to her mother what had happened to me. My best friends brothers were there (more humiliation) and she promptly sent them away and called the police and said "I need the police, my neighbor's daughter has been Terrorized, I will never, ever forget that horrifying afternoon but more than that I will never EVER forget my best friends dear mother for taking what happened to me so seriously and taking such good care of me afterwards. Thank you, Mrs.RL. May you rest in peace always.
My point-- I was terrorized for an hour over the phone at 13. These young boys were face to face with their Monster for days and years in one case and they were 11. Of course they did what they were told. Of course they did.
The police said that they had had several incidences reported (mostly by elderly people) and that, in fact, my phone was never tampered with as the criminal had said. Two weeks later I got the same call. I hung up and dialed the police. He never called again.
That's my story and I hope it makes any doubters out there look at this Missouri story differently. And thank you Dawn, for letting me finally tell my story.
Sorry for the long ass confession, girls! Please forgive -- I need to get that off my soul.
Confession #1522
To the man who broke my heart,
Sometimes I wish I never would have met you.
I can't even begin to describe the pain I felt when you left me. You were my first everything.
You left me over the phone.
You knew everything I was going through, and you were the only thing I had left in my life.
Yet, you still left. You began your new life with someone else.
It's been 4 years.
I went through a dozen people and never found someone quite like you.
You never did give me a reason. You called me early that morning,
said some hurtful things, we both cried.
I said "Can you feel that?"
You said "what"
I said "it's my heart. And it's broken."
You hung up on me. And that was it.
You screwed me up. I failed all of my classes that semester. I was depressed. I gave myself an eating disorder because I thought I wasn't good enough for you. I would have done anything to have you back. All I wanted to know was why. I still don't know why. And now, that's okay. We will never understand why people do what they do to us. But I'm over you. I'm happy for you and your wife and the life you're
creating for yourself. I still want what we had - but with someone else. I deserve to be happy, too. And, I think I found him.
Confession #1523
You have left "fingerprint" bruises on me for the last time. You are no
longer allowed to hit, push, smack, choke, or pull my hair anymore. I have
forgiven you....over and over again. Not this time. By the time you come
home from work, my stuff will be gone. I will be gone. I can and WILL do
much better than you. It's just too damn bad it took me this long to realize
it. So, in my final stand....the last hoorah of our relationship...I leave
these parting words for you....Go fuck yourself. I won. I'm leaving. And
soon, you will be a distant memory. Adios. Ciao. Goodbye.
Confession #1524
I'm mad at you, I'm scared for us, and I'm trying to
be hopeful for me. You've admitted that you're an
alcoholic, but you aren't doing anything about it.
You've cried and told me that you can't lose me, but
that was only after, an hour before that, you told me
you weren't sure if you could choose between drinking
and me. We've only been together 2 years. Is it
supposed to be this hard? I love you with all of my
heart and soul. You are my match-your Southern-ness
balances out my uptight Northern-ness. And I know you
think you need more time to think about this, but you
don't-you need to ACT. Because if you don't, you will
be single again. And so will I. And I'm petrified. And
if that's going to happen, I really need to lose this
weight that I've put on since we've been together. I'm
not ready to be single again. I don't want to be
single again. I am planning on spending the rest of my
life with you!! I don't want to be with anyone else.
But if this is not going to change, if you are not
going to confront your drinking, than I need to leave,
because I refuse to wake up in 2 or 5 or 10 or 20
years and regret that I didn't get out while I was
still young. Shit, what do I do??
Confession #1525
Dear Husband -
After our son was born and I was nursing, I know we decided to take turns on whom would get up and get the baby and change his diaper, but I have to confess, I did not keep my end of the deal! You sleep so soundly that I had to nudge you awake for you to go get him - so I quickly figured out that you had no idea if it was your turn, so.... I stopped taking mine and I told you it was your turn every time. Since our son is nine now, I am only thinking about this cause I am doing the same thing with the turn taking on letting the puppy out....
Confession #1526
Here goes ( I had to get this off my chest )
I think you're very unattractive and that since you're 3000 miles away from
your husband, that he must be very lonely. I took it upon myself to sleep
with him last night and I wish I could tell you how incredible it was. I
wish I could tell my husband to do what your husband does to me.
Confession #1527
To the one who still continues to haunt my dreams:
Oh! Last night was wonderful. I was lost in my dream of you. Your arms held me so close, so warm, so safe.. so wonderful… I was 16 again. I was in love again. Nothing could go wrong. It was us against the world and we would always prevail. We played this game of hide and seek and I always found you. You, with that rueful grin. You, so captivating. Your eyes, your beautiful smile that set my heart leaping. I wake up, still intoxicated with dreams of you. I sit here, still in that aftershock of a love that I thought had died. Why do you continue to be in my thoughts, in my dreams. Why is it the thought of you sends me singing, to write poetry, to dance. Why can’t I feel this way about my husband? Why couldn’t you wait for me? Why did you have to go off and get married? Why did you have an affair and have two kids with your mistress? Why did you tarnish all our promises? All our dreams? Why not us? Why not me? What could I have done? Tears raining down my face as I remembered our goodbye. Regret comes over me when I remember the song you wrote for me. Why did you give me up? Why can’t I just let go. We live different lives now. Your bitter and jaded, I’m not as brilliant as you found me. Different adventures await us. Oh.. but those wonderful dreams of you and I.. I could be forever lost there.
With a crushed heart trying to break free..
Your Little One.
Confession #1528
Despite the fact that you seem to magically never remember anything I
say--especially when it is important, I love you more than anything in
this world. I believe you when you say that you genuinely try to
listen to me and want to make me happy. You already do at least 95%
of the time. I know I can be a raging lunatic at times, especially
with the stress of school, and I appreciate that you let me off the
hook most of the time. You are wonderful, caring, loving and
forgiving. I can't wait to have your children.
Confession #1529
Booboo,
You really get me. No matter my mood, no matter what you are doing or how you are feeling you let me know both in words and in actions that you love me and care about how I feel. No one has ever made me feel as sexy or as comfortable as you do and I love that I can just 'be me' around you. You've been my best friend for 9 years and my husband for 4, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. You are a great man and a great person and I am so thankful to share my life with you.
Loving you always
BUBU1
Confession #1530
Dear Husband:
I don't care how many times you've seen random porno chicks arch their backs
in unbridaled onscreen ecstasy during anal penetration; I will NEVER EVER
enjoy it when you shove your finger in my butthole during sex (or oral sex,
or fingering, or any other intimate activity). In fact, I can pretty much
guarantee that I will react in the exact same way I do every single time you
try it. First, I will shove your hand away. Then I will say, "Ugggh, what
are you doing, you KNOW I hate that!" Then I will shudder in disgust. Then I
will lay there, dejected and deflated, like a dead fish, while you look
flustered and apologetic and try hopelessly to get me turned on again. Why
won't you learn? I hate it. It doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel
gross and dirty and violated and unsexy and angry. STOP IT!
Maybe next time I should just get up and walk away instead of lying there
frustrated while you try your best to recover? Maybe I should shove
something up YOUR butt? Ha ha! But in reality I know that I would never do
that. Because I would never push you to engage in a sexual act that I knew
made you feel gross or uncomfortable. Why can't you offer me the same
respect and courtesy? You're a considerate, responsive lover in every other
way. Please, please, please for the love of all that is sexy and good, keep
your f-ing fingers out of my ass. No means no.
Love, Wife
You get up early in the a.m. You take a leisurely shower, get your Starbucks coffee and have a little more than an hour each day to listen to the kind of music you want during your commute. You wear expensive clothes because you work for a pretentious firm. You eat out at nice restaurants every day. When you get home, you sit in front of the tv. When you are finished eating, you leave the room to watch more tv. Then when I ask you to put our child to bed, you insist he have his pj’s on and teeth brushed. You get him all wound up, leave him in the bed and expect him to fall asleep. You go to bed when YOU want.
Here’s what happens during my day… You make so much noise that you wake up our child. And then I’m forced to deal with an overtired, crabby child for the remainder of the day. He is fed, and brought to school. I’m the one who volunteers at school, takes him to dr appts, schedules and hosts playdates, remembers birthdays, helps him through workbook pages, (am teaching him to read), sends thank-you notes, cleans the house, makes the meals, and pays the bills and stays in contact with your family members and friends. I’m the one who scrubs your shit off of the underside of the toilet. I’m the one who cleans the pee off of the floor when you and your son miss the toilet. I clean your pubes out of the shower drain and your whiskers out of the sink. I make sure vitamins are taken, the dog is fed/walked and the other pets are taken care of. I could go on and on regarding this.
And at night while you sit on the couch, I make your dinner and dessert. I also have to entertain a child while I do so, as well as when we finish eating and I have to clean the kitchen. At night, when our son can’t sleep, it is me who reads him a story and snuggles with him. When you go to bed, I still have to let the dog out/walk her, make sure doors are locked, lights turned off and garage door closed. (Because even if you were the last one downstairs, and the last in the garage, you NEVER do these things.) I make sure our son has clean clothes for the next day and his homework/book bag is where its supposed to be. I get to bed about two hours later than you do. And half the time after a few hours, I end up in the guest bedroom because you are snoring so loud or you’ve got such bad gas that the disgusting noises and smell fill the room and I’m close to gagging. On those nights, I end up getting MAYBE 5-6 hours of sleep.
I do all of these things without complaint. I do them happily because you and our child are my family. I like taking care of my family.
But it is NOT cool when I’ve been having migraines for you to say I’m not keeping up MY end of the bargain. WTF? You aren’t having to do anything extra. It is NOT cool when you complain about me leaving our bed in the middle of the night just so I can at least get 5 hours of sleep. And it is NOT cool for you to now tell me I need to quit blogging – that its taking up too much of my time…
I don’t go to lunch with girlfriends. I rarely buy clothes – when I do its from Target. I rarely go out with friends or even talk to them on the phone. Hell, I don’t even get haircuts all that often and when I do, I go to Great Clips. I spend all of my time (except for that 2.5 hours a day) with our son. I don’t have any hobbies other than blogging. And its free. What’s the big deal if I spend 30 minutes here and there reading a blog or composing a post. Especially when the rest of my time alone is spent cleaning or running errands?
You told me today that you’ve been “supportive” of my blogging but now its getting “out of hand”. You pointed to the dirty dishes in the sink as evidence. Dishes YOU made dirty. To you, “supportive” means not bitching about my hobby. And if I do it while our son is at his preschool what’s the big deal. Oh yeah, I know… Because today you were trying to find a hammer. And I didn’t magically step in with one. You had to look through your shit. And later, you were looking for some sort of cable for the tv. Again, not my department. You have cables, tools and whatnot all over the house… But of course, you expect to snap your fingers and for me happily appear with whatever you want. Don’t get pissy at me that you can’t find something. Maybe if you spent more time opening cabinents, you’d know where things are. So of course, you spent the rest of your day on the couch while I had to look for shit and then reorganize stuff to YOUR liking. And then you give me a “high five” when I told you I was done. And you wonder why I’m quiet and distant?
And you criticize the way I interact with our son. You also get on my case if I raise my voice to him. You can’t even spend 25 minutes with him before you start bitching about how he gets on your nerves. How do you think I feel when I’ve been spending practically every waking hour of the day with him… Trying to entertain him and keep him busy and feeling loved while I clean the house – because YOU expect all of this from me.
I don’t get paid. I don’t get thanked. I don’t get much of anything. I feel like a slave. Especially now since you’ve told me I have to quit blogging because I’m not pulling my weight… I will tell you right now, even if I have to sneak away to blog, I will do it. Its my only creative outlet. It’s the only thing right now feeding my soul. It’s the one place I get a kind word and a feeling of support. It a place where I feel I am valued… that people listen to what I have to say. I don’t get these things from you.
Regarding the issue of the young man (men) that were abducted in Missouri. A lot of people are wondering why he didn't make a phone call or any other attempt to escape. Here's the answer: He was terrorized. Terrorized. The first time I ever heard that word was when I was thirteen years old. I was home alone and the phone rang. I answered and the callers first words to me (which I will never forget) were "I have fixed your phone so that you cannot dial out even if you hang up. I am right behind your house and I am watching you. Do everything I say or me and my friends will come in and rape you." He went on for over an hour telling me to do various things: get all my parents jewelry and any liqueur and put it in a pillow case and place it outside my front door, all the while reminding me that he could see me. He told me to take off all my clothes and place them outside. He told me to get a turkey baster, I told him I didn't know what that was, he got very angry and told me to find anything to put in my vagina. I was in utter hysterics but made a very bold move to escape thru our sliding glass doors on the side of my house and run, with a towel wrapped around my naked body, to my best friends house four houses away. Hysterical and crying I explained to her mother what had happened to me. My best friends brothers were there (more humiliation) and she promptly sent them away and called the police and said "I need the police, my neighbor's daughter has been Terrorized, I will never, ever forget that horrifying afternoon but more than that I will never EVER forget my best friends dear mother for taking what happened to me so seriously and taking such good care of me afterwards. Thank you, Mrs.RL. May you rest in peace always.
My point-- I was terrorized for an hour over the phone at 13. These young boys were face to face with their Monster for days and years in one case and they were 11. Of course they did what they were told. Of course they did.
The police said that they had had several incidences reported (mostly by elderly people) and that, in fact, my phone was never tampered with as the criminal had said. Two weeks later I got the same call. I hung up and dialed the police. He never called again.
That's my story and I hope it makes any doubters out there look at this Missouri story differently. And thank you Dawn, for letting me finally tell my story.
Sorry for the long ass confession, girls! Please forgive -- I need to get that off my soul.
Confession #1522
To the man who broke my heart,
Sometimes I wish I never would have met you.
I can't even begin to describe the pain I felt when you left me. You were my first everything.
You left me over the phone.
You knew everything I was going through, and you were the only thing I had left in my life.
Yet, you still left. You began your new life with someone else.
It's been 4 years.
I went through a dozen people and never found someone quite like you.
You never did give me a reason. You called me early that morning,
said some hurtful things, we both cried.
I said "Can you feel that?"
You said "what"
I said "it's my heart. And it's broken."
You hung up on me. And that was it.
You screwed me up. I failed all of my classes that semester. I was depressed. I gave myself an eating disorder because I thought I wasn't good enough for you. I would have done anything to have you back. All I wanted to know was why. I still don't know why. And now, that's okay. We will never understand why people do what they do to us. But I'm over you. I'm happy for you and your wife and the life you're
creating for yourself. I still want what we had - but with someone else. I deserve to be happy, too. And, I think I found him.
Confession #1523
You have left "fingerprint" bruises on me for the last time. You are no
longer allowed to hit, push, smack, choke, or pull my hair anymore. I have
forgiven you....over and over again. Not this time. By the time you come
home from work, my stuff will be gone. I will be gone. I can and WILL do
much better than you. It's just too damn bad it took me this long to realize
it. So, in my final stand....the last hoorah of our relationship...I leave
these parting words for you....Go fuck yourself. I won. I'm leaving. And
soon, you will be a distant memory. Adios. Ciao. Goodbye.
Confession #1524
I'm mad at you, I'm scared for us, and I'm trying to
be hopeful for me. You've admitted that you're an
alcoholic, but you aren't doing anything about it.
You've cried and told me that you can't lose me, but
that was only after, an hour before that, you told me
you weren't sure if you could choose between drinking
and me. We've only been together 2 years. Is it
supposed to be this hard? I love you with all of my
heart and soul. You are my match-your Southern-ness
balances out my uptight Northern-ness. And I know you
think you need more time to think about this, but you
don't-you need to ACT. Because if you don't, you will
be single again. And so will I. And I'm petrified. And
if that's going to happen, I really need to lose this
weight that I've put on since we've been together. I'm
not ready to be single again. I don't want to be
single again. I am planning on spending the rest of my
life with you!! I don't want to be with anyone else.
But if this is not going to change, if you are not
going to confront your drinking, than I need to leave,
because I refuse to wake up in 2 or 5 or 10 or 20
years and regret that I didn't get out while I was
still young. Shit, what do I do??
Confession #1525
Dear Husband -
After our son was born and I was nursing, I know we decided to take turns on whom would get up and get the baby and change his diaper, but I have to confess, I did not keep my end of the deal! You sleep so soundly that I had to nudge you awake for you to go get him - so I quickly figured out that you had no idea if it was your turn, so.... I stopped taking mine and I told you it was your turn every time. Since our son is nine now, I am only thinking about this cause I am doing the same thing with the turn taking on letting the puppy out....
Confession #1526
Here goes ( I had to get this off my chest )
I think you're very unattractive and that since you're 3000 miles away from
your husband, that he must be very lonely. I took it upon myself to sleep
with him last night and I wish I could tell you how incredible it was. I
wish I could tell my husband to do what your husband does to me.
Confession #1527
To the one who still continues to haunt my dreams:
Oh! Last night was wonderful. I was lost in my dream of you. Your arms held me so close, so warm, so safe.. so wonderful… I was 16 again. I was in love again. Nothing could go wrong. It was us against the world and we would always prevail. We played this game of hide and seek and I always found you. You, with that rueful grin. You, so captivating. Your eyes, your beautiful smile that set my heart leaping. I wake up, still intoxicated with dreams of you. I sit here, still in that aftershock of a love that I thought had died. Why do you continue to be in my thoughts, in my dreams. Why is it the thought of you sends me singing, to write poetry, to dance. Why can’t I feel this way about my husband? Why couldn’t you wait for me? Why did you have to go off and get married? Why did you have an affair and have two kids with your mistress? Why did you tarnish all our promises? All our dreams? Why not us? Why not me? What could I have done? Tears raining down my face as I remembered our goodbye. Regret comes over me when I remember the song you wrote for me. Why did you give me up? Why can’t I just let go. We live different lives now. Your bitter and jaded, I’m not as brilliant as you found me. Different adventures await us. Oh.. but those wonderful dreams of you and I.. I could be forever lost there.
With a crushed heart trying to break free..
Your Little One.
Confession #1528
Despite the fact that you seem to magically never remember anything I
say--especially when it is important, I love you more than anything in
this world. I believe you when you say that you genuinely try to
listen to me and want to make me happy. You already do at least 95%
of the time. I know I can be a raging lunatic at times, especially
with the stress of school, and I appreciate that you let me off the
hook most of the time. You are wonderful, caring, loving and
forgiving. I can't wait to have your children.
Confession #1529
Booboo,
You really get me. No matter my mood, no matter what you are doing or how you are feeling you let me know both in words and in actions that you love me and care about how I feel. No one has ever made me feel as sexy or as comfortable as you do and I love that I can just 'be me' around you. You've been my best friend for 9 years and my husband for 4, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. You are a great man and a great person and I am so thankful to share my life with you.
Loving you always
BUBU1
Confession #1530
Dear Husband:
I don't care how many times you've seen random porno chicks arch their backs
in unbridaled onscreen ecstasy during anal penetration; I will NEVER EVER
enjoy it when you shove your finger in my butthole during sex (or oral sex,
or fingering, or any other intimate activity). In fact, I can pretty much
guarantee that I will react in the exact same way I do every single time you
try it. First, I will shove your hand away. Then I will say, "Ugggh, what
are you doing, you KNOW I hate that!" Then I will shudder in disgust. Then I
will lay there, dejected and deflated, like a dead fish, while you look
flustered and apologetic and try hopelessly to get me turned on again. Why
won't you learn? I hate it. It doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel
gross and dirty and violated and unsexy and angry. STOP IT!
Maybe next time I should just get up and walk away instead of lying there
frustrated while you try your best to recover? Maybe I should shove
something up YOUR butt? Ha ha! But in reality I know that I would never do
that. Because I would never push you to engage in a sexual act that I knew
made you feel gross or uncomfortable. Why can't you offer me the same
respect and courtesy? You're a considerate, responsive lover in every other
way. Please, please, please for the love of all that is sexy and good, keep
your f-ing fingers out of my ass. No means no.
Love, Wife
You get up early in the a.m. You take a leisurely shower, get your Starbucks coffee and have a little more than an hour each day to listen to the kind of music you want during your commute. You wear expensive clothes because you work for a pretentious firm. You eat out at nice restaurants every day. When you get home, you sit in front of the tv. When you are finished eating, you leave the room to watch more tv. Then when I ask you to put our child to bed, you insist he have his pj’s on and teeth brushed. You get him all wound up, leave him in the bed and expect him to fall asleep. You go to bed when YOU want.
Here’s what happens during my day… You make so much noise that you wake up our child. And then I’m forced to deal with an overtired, crabby child for the remainder of the day. He is fed, and brought to school. I’m the one who volunteers at school, takes him to dr appts, schedules and hosts playdates, remembers birthdays, helps him through workbook pages, (am teaching him to read), sends thank-you notes, cleans the house, makes the meals, and pays the bills and stays in contact with your family members and friends. I’m the one who scrubs your shit off of the underside of the toilet. I’m the one who cleans the pee off of the floor when you and your son miss the toilet. I clean your pubes out of the shower drain and your whiskers out of the sink. I make sure vitamins are taken, the dog is fed/walked and the other pets are taken care of. I could go on and on regarding this.
And at night while you sit on the couch, I make your dinner and dessert. I also have to entertain a child while I do so, as well as when we finish eating and I have to clean the kitchen. At night, when our son can’t sleep, it is me who reads him a story and snuggles with him. When you go to bed, I still have to let the dog out/walk her, make sure doors are locked, lights turned off and garage door closed. (Because even if you were the last one downstairs, and the last in the garage, you NEVER do these things.) I make sure our son has clean clothes for the next day and his homework/book bag is where its supposed to be. I get to bed about two hours later than you do. And half the time after a few hours, I end up in the guest bedroom because you are snoring so loud or you’ve got such bad gas that the disgusting noises and smell fill the room and I’m close to gagging. On those nights, I end up getting MAYBE 5-6 hours of sleep.
I do all of these things without complaint. I do them happily because you and our child are my family. I like taking care of my family.
But it is NOT cool when I’ve been having migraines for you to say I’m not keeping up MY end of the bargain. WTF? You aren’t having to do anything extra. It is NOT cool when you complain about me leaving our bed in the middle of the night just so I can at least get 5 hours of sleep. And it is NOT cool for you to now tell me I need to quit blogging – that its taking up too much of my time…
I don’t go to lunch with girlfriends. I rarely buy clothes – when I do its from Target. I rarely go out with friends or even talk to them on the phone. Hell, I don’t even get haircuts all that often and when I do, I go to Great Clips. I spend all of my time (except for that 2.5 hours a day) with our son. I don’t have any hobbies other than blogging. And its free. What’s the big deal if I spend 30 minutes here and there reading a blog or composing a post. Especially when the rest of my time alone is spent cleaning or running errands?
You told me today that you’ve been “supportive” of my blogging but now its getting “out of hand”. You pointed to the dirty dishes in the sink as evidence. Dishes YOU made dirty. To you, “supportive” means not bitching about my hobby. And if I do it while our son is at his preschool what’s the big deal. Oh yeah, I know… Because today you were trying to find a hammer. And I didn’t magically step in with one. You had to look through your shit. And later, you were looking for some sort of cable for the tv. Again, not my department. You have cables, tools and whatnot all over the house… But of course, you expect to snap your fingers and for me happily appear with whatever you want. Don’t get pissy at me that you can’t find something. Maybe if you spent more time opening cabinents, you’d know where things are. So of course, you spent the rest of your day on the couch while I had to look for shit and then reorganize stuff to YOUR liking. And then you give me a “high five” when I told you I was done. And you wonder why I’m quiet and distant?
And you criticize the way I interact with our son. You also get on my case if I raise my voice to him. You can’t even spend 25 minutes with him before you start bitching about how he gets on your nerves. How do you think I feel when I’ve been spending practically every waking hour of the day with him… Trying to entertain him and keep him busy and feeling loved while I clean the house – because YOU expect all of this from me.
I don’t get paid. I don’t get thanked. I don’t get much of anything. I feel like a slave. Especially now since you’ve told me I have to quit blogging because I’m not pulling my weight… I will tell you right now, even if I have to sneak away to blog, I will do it. Its my only creative outlet. It’s the only thing right now feeding my soul. It’s the one place I get a kind word and a feeling of support. It a place where I feel I am valued… that people listen to what I have to say. I don’t get these things from you.
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