Tuesday, October 30, 2007

True Wife Confessions 217 yellow leaves in my front yard

Confession #2161

You used to leave me notes on the bathroom mirror. I found them yesterday and it made me sad that you haven’t done that in years. I love you so much but I feel like you are drifting away. I don’t know what changed, but I know you do not love me with the same intensity you used to. I’m still here, I still love you with all my heart and soul. Come back to me.

Confession #2162

I do not think I want to be a Mom anymore. I want to run off into the desert in New Mexico and hide for the next 15 year until they are grown. I told this to my mom and was so serious, but she thought I was being funny even after I told her I was not. I almost want to give my ex full custody.

Confession #2163

The truth is, I'm not sure how much longer I can be with you. I love you, and as cliché as it is, I'm not in love with you anymore. After the first time you went to Iraq, I have felt as though my husband died and an alien invader took over his body and into my home. I don't like him at all. Even though you are better than you were the first couple of years after coming back the first time, and the second time you went there was no change in your demeanor. But you have never come back to me whole. I should feel lucky to have you at all, and I wonder if the women whose husbands died, know that they may have been in a different kind of hell even if they had come back. And I feel guilty for thinking that.

I can't believe how much you resent me. You resent me because I was home while you were off fighting. You resent me for being home after our mutual decision for me to quit my job when we moved the last time. But you resented me when I worked, too. You resent me because I'm not a social butterfly while other wives move boyfriends in and send their kids dirty into the streets while they fuck them. I'm playing football in the yard with my phone always on me in case you call. And for what? I don't need this. You're terrible with finances and think if I get some great job it will fix the messes you make, but it won't. You'll just spend more.

But I resent you too. For sitting on the couch and wanting the house to be quiet with kids. For drinking too much. For not doing anything that I ask, ever. For not caring how I feel. For being forced to get help instead of getting it when I begged you. For not trying to make our marriage work. For blaming me for everything and never ever accepting any fault. For screwing us financially and when we were almost out of the whole creating a new mess. For being selfish and self-serving. For the 5 minute sex that only satisfies you. For never telling me I'm beautiful anymore. For not appreciating me. For not respecting my wishes. For lying to me for years over something I told you I would divorce you over and telling me when you thought I would be ok with it. For not believing me when your mother was a bitch. For acting like SuperDad and SuperHusband when other people are around. For bitching that you want nothing more than to be with us while you're deployed and coming home and wanting nothing to do with us. For blaming me at every reenlistment when you would be going down the same path had you never met me, even though you have never said it, I know it's true. It's because of the hell you went through that I have stayed this long, I know it's not your fault for turning into this. But I deserve better than what you have become. I just hope you will let me go when I ask you. But if you love me, and I know you do, you'll have to let me go. I know you will crumble when I go, but since you won't change and you can't seem to hear me there's no other choice. The irony is, I think you'll be a better dad when I'm gone...as long as people are watching, of course. And by the time you realize you can't treat me like this, it's going to be too late.

I just want my husband back, I miss him so much. But I know I'll never see him again.

Confession #2164

I want to have sex with my physiotherapist. I would rather be able to only fantasize about my husband, but my physiotherapist bathes on a regular basis, brushes his teeth, and knows how to touch!

Confession #2165

I must confess, I feel slightly guilty. After all the years I have been paranoid of you cheating on me I end up being the one who tried to cheat on you on sweetest day. Granted I didn't cheat, Granted I only wanted to make out with the guy, Granted I was drunk. But I did look extremely sexy for him, I danced sexy for him, I hung all over him, it was him I wanted. I think about him every second. I just want to know if what I want from him is sexual or something more, I need to know if this is a stupid crush before I throw our four years together. I can say this I am such a hypocrite, I always tell you I am so above cheating when I know damn well if he wanted me I am not sure I wouldn't let it go too far, and I don't think I would tell you either.

Confession #2166

Can you possibly think I'm that blind? Or ignorant? Or naive?

I'm none of those. I'm far more intelligent than you've given me credit for being, and way smarter than the bimbos you're used to. To your credit, your ability to bullshit is far better than I'm used to, but I can still see it for what it is; bullshit, lies, game playing. The truth is your lies are so transparent that they are almost comical. I sit here laughing inside as you make up your stories thinking you've pulled one over on me when in fact, I know you are lying through your teeth. It's nothing new, is it? You've lied from the start. Only you've gotten much bolder, more creative, more transparent.

Do you wonder why I no longer am reduced to a heep of sobbing pain when you lie to me? Because the truth is, I'm only here for the comforts this life provides ME. I'm no longer here because of YOU. It feels so liberating to say that at last.

I used to think that if I tirelessly endeavored to be the perfect wife, waiting on you hand and foot, never saying "no" to you in any circumstance (including sexually) you'd love me and be faithful to me. Our friends and family marvel again and again at my willing attentiveness to your every whim and need, even they tell you what a lucky man you are, and how they hope you appreciate me. Your own co-workers say they wish their wives did half as much for them, showed them half the love, respect and attention I show you, they'd consider themselves blessed. They jokingly say they'd marry me in a heartbeat I'm so good to you. And still you lie to me, cheat on me, bullshit me. You have the perfect wife, and you still want or need to turn to other women.

So I've stopped wishing for and hoping for a faithful and loving husband. I accept that you do not posess the character and/or self respect to be that man. I accept that you feel you need or want more than me, even though I cannot imagine how I could do or be more than I am. I accept that your need to live some secretive, lie-filled life is beyond my comprehension. I will no longer cry over you.

Instead, I will enjoy the creature comforts and luxuries this marriage affords me. I will take whatever small pleasures I can in the life I lead as your wife, knowing in my heart that I too am living a lie. But I will not cry. Not for you.

You're not worth it.

Confession #2167

I just don't know what to do. There is nobody else I can talk to about this. I'm in love with my best friend but somehow I ended up with two kids and a partner I know isn't right for me. I met my friend years ago through an ex and we just clicked. We spoke to each other every day and saw each other as often as possible. Just as we realised it was more than friendship it was too late. Because of college he moved to the other side of the country and even though we spoke for hours almost every single day, we were both leading seperate lives. We had to move on. He met someone, as did I. A few years passed, I ended up with a partner who works hard and says he loves me, but despite the fact I care for him deeply, I know deep down he is not the one for me. A part of me still clings to some hope that my best friend and I will get together some day. I hate myself for it. We still talk every day, he still flirts with me, still cares for me deeply and he pays me more attention than my partner ever does. He doesn't call me 'fucking useless' or any of the other choice names my partner call me. He's just always there. He broke things off with his girlfriend because she wasn't 'right' and when he came to see me a few months back he kissed me. Right then it felt like the world stopped and I was so so happy. We spent the whole day together catching up, doing normal things, having coffee, going to the museum, eating out and the whole time he held my hand.
I wish somehow I had the means to move. But I don't want my kids to suffer. I don't want to drag them to the other side of the country, not to mention leave my partner behind. He doesn't pay me much attention and only gets pissed if I bring this up. But the minute I say I'm seriously not happy he says if I were to leave he couldn't live without me and that he'd probably kill himself. I feel so trapped. Of course I care about him. I had children with him. But this isn't where I want to be. Not really. He is jealous of my best friend and has never liked him. He doesn't even know that I still talk to him because he told me not to. All I know is that this is killing me. I'm torn between wanting to be a good mom, doing the right thing by staying with their father and bringing them up together or following my heart, leaving my man and taking my kids to be with the one I love. I don't think I deserve happiness.

Confession #2168

Honestly, do you really think that I am attracted to you with no job and the fact that you live with your parents?? The fact that you honestly think you can play ME has me laughing hysterically. And if you claim to have all this money, they WHY do you live with your parents & drive a beat up old Honda? All you do is play golf everyday. Honestly, I'd rather be with someone that is not a lazy piece of shit and actually wants to better themselves by earning a living or at least doing something more valuable with their time. So if you think you impressed me - YOU DIDN'T! I really in truely think your gay anyway and you are trying to cover it by seeing me...NOT going to happen..Good luck with your search (you're gonna need it)!

Confession #2169

Dear Husband,

Yes we are going through this miscarriage because after we had our daughter I got pregnant on purpose. Oops… did I forget to tell you that I didn’t get the IUD put in because it was awful and I wanted more children? And I know that you are just worried that I will leave you and take you for child support but frankly, if you don’t get that vasectomy I will get you drunk, take advantage of you, and I will get pregnant again. You have about 3 months to make this decision and then I’ll be ready to try again. Better prepare your mother who is also in support of no more kids, by the way when did her opinion begin to matter in our marital affairs? Oh yeah when she is on your side. That’s right.

Confession #2170

Dearest, Sweetest, Love,

Don't think I'm saying that I don't enjoy time with my family

Cause I do

Don't think I'm saying that I can't have a good time without you

Cause I can

Don't think I'm saying that simply not being with you makes my life meaningless

Cause it doesn't

Yet somehow

When I am not with you

When I don't see your face and smiling eyes

When I can't touch your arms and feel your lips on my own

I am not quite at peace

I am not quite the same

And I find my self

Longing and wishing for that time

When we can once again be together

Holding laughing and smiling

I know it is wrong but I wish for it


I love and miss you always


Saturday, October 20, 2007

True Wife Confessions 216 web safe color palatte

Confession #2151

Would it be okay if I went to see Van Halen by myself this year? Yes, I know, it falls on our anniversary, but really, seeing Van Halen would be a much more memorable time and oh so much more fun! Really, what is it you and I have to celebrate anymore?

Confession #2152

I was so excited you didn’t have to work on Saturday. It broke my heart when you woke up and said the only thing you really wanted to do was hit golf balls…something that does not include me or either of your children.

Confession #2153

To my Beloved Husband with the Exploding Bowels:

My darling, I love you exceedingly but once again this morning, I had to clean up your "splatter poop." I know that you try to keep up on the house cleaning (even without me asking you to) but I would appreciate it if you would check under the toilet seat more often and do the deed.

If I had to choose between having you or a clean toilet, I'd still take you and your explosions.

Confession #2154

I've loved you for ten years & you can't imagine what "my way" might look like? I'm supposed to believe you've gone stupid all of a sudden? Please.

After all this time I still turn you on, you trust me, you respect my mind - and you're unhappy. I don't think I've been imagining the connection. I can't understand why you won't surrender and dish out some love, but I'm finally ready to give up on you. That's hard enough; I wish you wouldn't have demeaned yourself by playing dumb.

Confession #2155

I like to sleep with married men. I know we are going to have a
threesome with some men soon, i am super excited about it. We have both
been fantasizing about it for a long time now. I want to find married
men to sleep with, it makes it so much more exciting. I have slept with
married men before, one night stands before I met you of course. We've
never cheated on each other and we never would, but I am not sure if you
want to sleep with exclusively married men or not. I hope so, because I
do and I know that we are the most sexually compatible people on the
planet. I hope that means when I bring this up to you, you will agree.

Confession #2156

It’s been 7 months since you told me you wanted a divorce. It’s been 3 months since it’s been final. I’ve spent every waking moment mourning for us, missing you, regretting everything, hoping we’d still get back together.

So I just want to thank you for our argument 2 weeks ago when you accused me of “cheating” on you, that you used that word. The word that you and I both know isn’t true. You use it when it’s convenient for you to be the victim.

So thank you, because now all I have to do is hear your words in my head and I don’t miss you at all.

Confession #2157

If, God forbid, something ever happened to you, the first thing I would do is clean up and throw away most of your clutter. It is taking over the house and your crap is everywhere. The second thing I would do is call a professional in to fix all of the stuff you kept saying you are going to fix, but never do. Everytime I mention calling someone to come fix it you get pissy with me. Look around, there are certain things in our house that are literally falling apart or are just plain gross because you won't do what you say you are going to do. I'm sick of it and it is making me resent you.

Confession #2158

Wow. I've never done this before but maybe I have found an outlet to let off some of this steam building up inside of me.After being divorced for almost 5 years, I am so sick of being alone. It is hard to raise my son alone. I long for companionship - just someone to sleep with at night and to just go places with. Do nice guys even exist anymore? Seems the guys my age just want sex and there has to be more to life than that. I'm actually disgusted by sex now because that is all a man ever wants from me. Recently he pretended to really like me..this went on for 3 weeks when I finally went out with him. He was the perfect guy - total package. Unfortunately I let my guard down and he convinced me I was the one so I slept with him. He continued on with his game for a week after leading me to still believe i was the one. Apparently I wasn't since he fell off the face of the earth with no phone call, text or any explanation. Thanks for making me feel so used. You are a selfish, egotistical pig. I will never help you get those tickets you always like. You've used me long enough. I will also eventually tell my boss what a pig you really are even though we both promised not to tell him as it could jeopardize your job/relationship with him. You see, he cares about me more - I'm like his daughter ..I should of listened to him when he told me not to go out with you. He never would tell me why. I know now. I want you to know that because of you I am back to feeling worthless, even thoughts of suicide and I haven't had those thoughts in years. I would never do this because of my child or ever let you know this. I would never want to give you the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I am by you. You make me sick and I hope that someone hurts you as bad as you've hurt me. OH and I also know you lied about your age. Sadly, you lied to me twice. Once at the church (of all places) and then I guess you forgot you told me that and lied again when I asked you on our date. I know for a fact how old you really are and you must have issues about your age which I think is really funny. Next time I will try not to be so naive - Another lesson learned - I could write a book on men at this point. They are all pigs.

Confession #2159

When I was a child, my mother used to wake me up in the middle of the night to re-do chores that hadn't been completed to her satisfaction during the day. When I was sick I had to clean up my own vomit. In the summer, when she was at work and I was home alone on school vacation, she'd lock her bedroom door with a key so I couldn't get into the one room in the house that had air conditioning. When she was especially angry she'd beat me with a wooden paddle and tell me I'd never amount to anything.

Now that I'm a married adult expecting my second child, she's begun taking anti-depressants. And now she kisses me when she sees me and tells me how proud she is of my accomplishments. She wants me to share things with her and let her watch my daughter. I know the "right" thing to do would be to welcome this new rational woman into my life. But I can't seem to make myself. I've learned to live quite comfortably without her affection, and I no longer have a real desire to live any other way.

Confession #2160

We've been having problems in the bedroom for a while now. You told me you didn't want to get me pregnant again (gee, thanks), and that when you had a vasectomy, it would get better.

Here we are 6 months later and it is NOT better. You tell me I should try to initiate. So last night as we lay on the couch together, I try to initiate. And, as I keep telling you, you push me away.

This morning when I "play around", you tell me, "Not now, ________ is in the room."

"what about last night when I tried and _______ wasn't in the room."

"Airplanes were on t.v."

Wow, you fucking asshole. So airplanes were more exciting than me. That's a new low. On our anniversary no less.

I don't think you realize you broke my heart a little more this morning.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pulling the Car over

Much like a patient parent, I sit and watch - hoping that you can work it out on your own.

However, I also know that it is my job to guide. I created this. I must guide it.

Anonymity is a beautiful thing. It has a time and a place. It has given many people a space to say things that they can't in other places.

It has also allowed some to be cruel and thoughtless. Petulant. Pedantic.

Today as I read all that comes into my inbox ( and I do read everything, I assure you), I realized that I would not allow this to occur in my classroom. As a teacher, I would protect the vulnerable. I would set the standard.

And I say no more.

Own your comments. If you want to be brutish and offensive, then I refuse to allow you to hide behind my skirt any longer.

Confessions remain anonymous - comments will require a username. If that won't work, I will disable comments. But I will not allow the confessors to be beaten senseless by the un-named.

Not in my house. Not in my classroom. Not in this space.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

True Wife Confessions Room 215: Hotel Dusk

Confession #2141

You know that guy that you tease me about....the one you think I want...well I do. I didn't at first...not even a little. But you treat me like shit. You don't tell me you love me, need me, miss me, want me...EVER! I do everything I can to make you happy, and the more I am apart from you...the more that I don't want to move to be with you. The more I realize that I am fine without you-better than fine. I've hung out with him every night this week...with friends, and nothing happened with us...but he's normal...he talks to me, pays attention to me, and actually tries to advise me on what do with you...I know he's attracted to me, and its taking everything in me not to act on it. You haven't called me in WEEKS-oh wait, yea when you needed money you did, but other than that nothing. I need attention, i need love...i at the very least need you to act 1/2 as good to me, as i do to you. I never thought I would get to the point where I don't care about you anymore...But I'm almost there. It is physically draining for me to put so so so much effort into our relationship and reap none of the benefits. I need to be with someone attentive, and fun, and loving...someone who wants to kiss me, and hold me...someone like him. I wish you would change, but I know you never will.

Confession #2142

I told you that if you didn't stop drinking I would leave you. You quit and now I feel like I am stuck with you. Now I feel like my 'out' is gone. The drinking was only one of the things I don't like about you but I figured one thing at a time. I never expected you to actually stop drinking, I mean hell, you would tell me you weren't going to drink and you were on your way home but you would actually be on your way to the bar. I figured an addiction like that would definitely win out over me, but no, you stopped, at least I think you did.
The other things that bother me about you are that you are whiny, selfish, self indulging, overweight, immature, irresponsible, slob, bad lover, minute man, uncaring, paranoid, and you act so old. You are only 36 yet you act like you are 80. During our 9 months together so far I have almost left you several times, I have cried dozens of times, and we are down to having sex once a week? I am only 30, I'm pretty f'n hot, and I love you, yet you continue to treat me like this person that is inferior to you. You over explain everything like I am stupid or something. You tell me how to drive and not in a very pleasant manner at all. You're a dick, and as much as I do love you, I know that you are no good for me. One day I'll get over loving you and at that point I'll be gone. Then you can do your own laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Ass.

Confession #2143

I have $1,000 in a money market account you do not know about. My great aunt sent the money from the trust set up by my great grandparents. You are a terrible saver and the only way I know that money will not be spent on crap is if you do not know about it. It is for EMERGENCY only.

Confession #2144

I realized what it is this evening. You leave the door open to pee when
it is just you, me and our son, but if the girls are home you close the
door. I totally understand why you close the door and there is nothing
wrong with closing the door. I just realized that if the girls were
yours too you would probably leave the door open to pee even if they
were home. I wish the girls were yours so that there would never need
to be closed doors again, we would just be a bit more free wouldn't we?

Confession #2145

I just need to get this off my chest. I am married and I don’t want to be. I have been married 3 times before this one. I have only one conclusion: I don’t like being married.

I am a grown women, own my own home and my children are grown. I like my own space. I was raised where you should be married and I don’t like it. I’m not selfish. I would give my life for my daughters, but I just don’t like living with someone. God knows I have given it my best shot.

I would love for my husband to move out and let me have MY house back. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a nice enough person. I feel like I am his mother. I am already someone’s Mother and a damn good one at that. I have made mistakes and I have made plenty of real doozies.

Why I ask these group, do I feel guilty that I can’t stand being married? I have a good job and can support myself.

Maybe, I don’t want to grow old alone….but what the hell be miserable until I get old???????????

I am not a bar fly or just go around and pick up men, it just seems right at the time. I will say, I would rather have a companion that lived in a different house. He could visit me and we could go out on dates. I have to learn to say NO when I get a big rock stuffed on my finger. Truly, I believe that I am the type of person that does not need to be married.

I am miserable and I have fixed this problem in the past, so I guess I will have to fix it again. I don’t like to fail, but we all fail at one thing or another… I guess mine is marriage and I am the queen of failure when it comes to the sacrament of marriage.

P.S. I don’t hate this husband at all….. he is just a spoiled brat and he gets on every nerve that I have.

I have worked hard to have a nice life and I feel like he is an intruder.

Confession #2146

I know you come on here and read this sometimes. After I told you that I read it all the time you asked if I have ever posted something and now you check it to see if you can find mine. I have posted once and it was an angry post to my ex but it listed all of the wonderful qualities that you have and he doesn't. You are my best friend. No one knows me better than you, I trust no one more than I trust you. I am in love with you. I can tell by the way you look at me, the wonderful things you say to me, the way you tell me you miss me. the way you send me my favorite flowers "just because I'm your bff", I can tell that you love me too. Because of your situation we can not be anything but friends. You have told me that you don't love her anymore but you are afraid of raising your wonderful kids alone and you know that she won't get them nor do you want her to. I want to tell you that you would never be alone. I will always be there for you just the way you have been here for me with my kids. I have never told you how I feel truly but I am sure you know, you can read me like a book. I wish we could just take our kids and run away together. There have been times I could feel how much you want me... your hugs that last longer than they should and the way you hold me for those hugs, the way the kisses on my cheek are so close to my lips, the way your hand brushes my face and even just the look in your eyes. You tell me that if it weren't for her, we could be so much more. You say you wish we met before you married her. I have so much respect for you because you haven't slept with me, not that I am trying or we haven't had the chance, but you don't want to have an affair. I total understand, but isn't that what we are doing? It is an emotional affair. We talk every morning on the way to work, we talk all day at work and on the drive home. You talk to me all night after she goes to bed. You call me and e-mail me all weekend when she isn't around. We talk more than you talk to her. I know more of your deep inner feelings than your own wife. You send me little notes, sweet emails, leaving me little messages, you are sad if we don't get to talk. I would never tell you to choose between me and your wife and I would never tell you to leave her for me. Yes I have told you to leave her but that was before when we only had feelings for each other as friends. No matter how much I love you, I am not going to play this game forever. You tell me I should have been "the one who got away" but we didn't meet in time before you ruined your life getting married to her (your words not mine). Well you know what, I am gonna be the one who got away. You tell me all the time that I am so wonderful any guy would be lucky to have me if I only let him in the way I have let you in. I can't sit around forever waiting for you to get over your fear of being alone. Someone is gonna sweep me off my feet and it will be too late for us. I am sorry, I love you.

Confession #2147

When I met you, everything started out wonderfully. For over a year we talked, laughed, and just recently we made it physical. I told you secrets no one else knew, not even my own family. I told you my dreams, hopes, fears, that no one else even cared to listen to, or hear about.

But when you wanted me to help you pay for a $1,600 ring and watch set and I refused because we weren't committed to each other, that's when your real personality came out.

The secrets I had told you about my time in the military in the past--you used them against me, making me feel like I was a stupid whore because I was young and dumb. The secrets I told you about my family--you also used those against me, telling me 'that was why I was fucked up in the head' and 'no man would ever want to put up with a basket case like me'--reminding me why I stopped dating.

Then you tell me that 'no woman has ever refused to help you do anything' and that you're 'used to having your way because you're spoiled'. That's your fucking problem right there. No woman ever had the balls to tell your ass no, and you love it and hate it. And the fact that you accuse me of trying to sleep with every man who smiles at me? People wave at me or greet me, total strangers, and I speak and move on, yet I'm inviting these people for sex by returning a GREETING? Fuck you, you bastard.

This is why we are no longer together. The things I dealt with in the past... for you to take my own secrets and make me relive the pain I felt, the humiliation... when you promised me you would never hurt me is a knife in my back. This is why I withdraw into myself. This is why I don't hold much faith in the male species. I hate everything you are.

Confession #2148

I've decided to stay. I have the money saved, the lawyers fee paid, a job and an apartment to live in, just waiting for me. But, I decided to stay. For us, for our son, for fear of the unknown. Please don't make me regret it.
We started out with a strong foundation and along the way we both lost trust. You with other women and me with pills. We have to do something to make it work or else in a few short years it will be over. I'll be older, but I will leave. I was a strong woman once and I can be that again. Most of the time I think you forget that.
I love you. I love our son more. He's getting ready to spread his wings and fly, if things don't change maybe I will too. I wonder if you'll care?

Confession #2149

I have felt so alone for many years. We got married young and thought we could prove ourselves to the world.......... guess not. When I want to feel love you too tired or you are mean all the time. You felt bad when I did the wrong and went against you but we made up but one year later, and I still feel alone. I am in love with another. I tried to fight these feelings but they are there.........Sorry!

The other guy and I talk for hours and we seem to connect. I had the chose to choose him over you but the love I have for you made me stay. If I don't feel love I am out......

Lonely Wife

Confession #2150

I am falling in love with you even though we promised each other we wouldn’t

I know you cant leave her

I cant leave him

But I am falling in love with you

Thursday, October 11, 2007

True Wife Confessions 214 Miltary Discharge

Confession #2131

We don’t think that you should marry him.

Look inside yourself and listen to that nagging voice inside your head telling you not to do it that you ignore all the time.

He will not change because of you. He will still drink too much, embarrass you, neglect you, and then run back every time saying that he’s sorry and buy you dinner.

Intuition is something that shouldn’t be ignored, and when you have more than once that you can’t believe you are going to spend the rest of your life with him – maybe you should stop fearing being alone, and fear living a life like that?

Confession #2132

What makes me so incredibly sad is that I wish we could be as close as the one afternoon where we almost ended the relationship and we clung to each other and wept. I had never seen you get so emotional before about losing me, I just wish you could find ways to show me how much you care like that more often. Seeing you cry broke my heart into so many pieces I wanted to die that day.

Confession #2133

Sometimes I hope I might get in a serious car accident and end up in the hospital. Maybe then he would appreciate how much I do. Maybe then he would miss me a little and not take me for granted. Maybe then he would give me some of the attention he gives his job and the kids. Hell, he pays more attention to his car than he does to me.

Confession #2134

I wish that you would listen to me and treat me the way a husband would treat his wife. I can't even count how many times I have told you that your mother is stealling my things and I am sick of it. Every time I tell you all you can say is, "You're a liar! My mom would never do that!" Well, NEWS FLASH........She is and has been for who knows how long. I am finding MY things in HER room constantly. On several occasions I have seen her wearing MY things, which of course she STOLE!! Last Saturday while she was at work I went in her room to see if something of mine that was missing was in her room. I didn't find what I was looking for but I found some of my other things. She didn't talk to me for 3-4 days because she was mad I went in her room. I wouldn't go in her room if she wasn't hiding MY things in HER room. Why is it so hard for you to believe me and stand by my side?? I am waiting for her to say something to me so I can tell her to leave my things alone. I know she is giving my things away to other people and who is she to decide what to do with my things?? Some of the stuff she steals from me I have been saving for our daughter to use when she is old enough. When you ask me what I think she stole you tell me it isn't important. It might not be important to you, but it is important to me and that is all that should matter. WAKE UP!!! YOUR MOM ISN'T AS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!



Confession #2135

i wish you didn't leave me alone tonight. But you did. i didn't want to be alone. and you knew that. but you still left. and now i am alone. every time you get my hopes up... i end up alone... again... again... i don't even care about the other stuff, this was the only promise that mattered. and you said "you have the dog now, you're not alone"... at least i have the dog... now... and i'm still alone...

Confession #2136

I'm scared to walk away because I'm so in love with you.
I'm scared to stay because I don't think that you love me back.

I have never felt more alone

Confession #2137

I debated on whether or not to confess this or not. Not because I think you read this. And definitely not because I think she reads this. But because it feels like betraying our secret.

So instead of betraying that, I just wanted to say that I think I'm in love with you, even though you choose her and even though you hang on and try to make things work with her. You are my best friend, and I trust you with everything that I have. I want to thank you for owning up to the fact that you were a dick, and apologizing. I want to thank you for being honest with me on a constant basis.

The only real complaint is that every time I catch you looking at me, I think I see emotions that you're trying to ignore. Your eyes always say yes, but I think you're letting your head get in the way of at least part of your heart. But its okay. I think you'll figure out that she's a bitch who doesn't deserve what you're offering soon.

I love you and I'll be there for you for life.

Confession #2138

You are the most important thing to me. I know I get moody and treat you like crap sometimes, but truly? I am soo soo very happy with you. We got married when I was 20; alot of people thought that I was too young and that I should experience life before settling down. Little do they know that the only way I want to experience life is by your side. You make me so happy: when you want to snuggle after work, when you rave about my cooking, when you pick me up after work to surprise me, when you leave work early and skip happy hour just because you'd rather be home with me. You, my love, are wonderful; and I am so glad you are mine.

Confession #2139

To my sister;

I’m sorry your life isn’t as perfect as you want it to be. I’m sorry your child isn’t perfect all the time and only took a short nap today. How about asking about my day for once?! How about saying “Hey! I’ll make dinner tonight! Come on over!”? You’ve eaten dinner over here more times than I can count!!! You whine about money when you have THOUSANDS in your savings account and carry hundreds of dollars in cash in your wallet! I don’t even have enough damn money to buy gas or groceries this week! I don’t even know if I’ll have dinner tonight! I only have enough for the kids to eat the rest of the week. How the hell would you like that feeling?! But you wouldn’t know any of this because every time I try to tell you, you tell me how rough it is being you and having to eat out again tonight! You say you are on a budget. Want to trade? I’d love a budget that lets me buy shoes, clothes, toys for the kids, DVDs, and eat out every day! I love you, but I really don’t like you right now.

Confession #2140

My love, when you drew the bath for me this morning- turning on slow music, putting in scented oil and then getting into the tub with me so we could talk? I can't imagine my life without you. I was never romantic. Never. I was the practical one. People don't find soulmates, that is silly, I thought. I am too old for this, I thought, and people simply do not find each other the way we did. You rubbed my feet in your hands as we talked about our days apart. You held my face in your hands as we giggled and you kissed me and told me that I am gorgeous and beautiful - even as I told you that I think I gained weight and feel fat. We talked about the kids - your kids. My kids. We talked about how it will be for us to live together some day - but not yet.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

True Wife Confession 213 Regulate

Confession #2121

Do you want to know why we drifted apart? It's because of your stupid attitude. It's time you realize that we are different. I cant be as perfect and organized as you are. Hell why should I? I'm spontaneous and adventurous. I love to laugh and have fun. You are so fucking boring I could scream. Your idea of fun and spending time together is watching a movie. I love movies but not that crap you love to watch. We have absolutely nothing in common no wonder we disagree on so much. You say that life is black or white, I think its not always black or white it's sometimes grey. I hate the way you are always so perfect and expect me to be perfect also. I hate how you constantly criticize me about everything. Dont you know by doing this you make me resent you more. I wish you would stop treating me like your child and more like an adult person.

Confession #2122

I have been on Prozac for one week. My husband doesn't know. I think he is part of the reason I have turned to medication...

Confession #2123

I know you are sick with a cold. And I feel sorry for you. But take some damn medication!! Your moaning and groaning about how sick you are and then your refusal to take any medicine to help you feel more comfortable? Drives me CRAZY. Just take some tylenol cold for gods sake, like every other person who has a cold!

Confession #2124

I'm sorry I couldn't hear you knocking at the front door. The TV was on, I was running water while washing dishes in the kitchen and talking to our daughter. You acted like I committed the ultimate sin or something, just because you had to use the back door. "Why do you have the fucking front door locked up anyway?", you yelled. Because we live in a freaking shitty neighborhood, that's why. And I never know if you are outside, inside, just left in the car....I'm paranoid about someone coming in our house when you aren't there. I'm sorry I'm not superwoman, psychic, June Cleaver, and Betty Crocker. I do the best I can, but you don't seem to realize that. Sometimes I just wish that you could be me for a day, and realize how hard I try to please everyone, to be a good wife and mother, to be a good employee, and how stressed out and tired I am. I try to give you that courtesy - to not judge you or hold grudges against you because I don't know what it is like to be you.

Confession #2125

Dear Husband,

I'm s
orry for cheating on you and getting pregnant. I'm sorry for you being so embarrassed that you haven't talked to your family since you found out. My infidelity wasn't caused by something missing in our relationship. We have a good marriage.

Sadly, the only thing I have to offer you or anyone else is sex and what results from it. I'm emotionally hollow. I have two settings - addiction and indifference - either acute or chronic. Nothing will fix this, not therapy or time. I have left the decision of reconciling or not, up to you for those reasons. I could go either way so whatever you choose, I will accept.

This will not be the end of my infidelity, it will happen again with someone else at some other random time, so don't be in denial of that. You can justify my behavior to yourself or others as a symptom of my bipolar disorder, if that is what you want to do.

If you decide to reconcile, I will be supportive of you in everything you do and provide a good homelife. If you want more children, I will have them. Just please, don't expect more than that.


Your Wife

Confession #2126

When you told me that my daughter manipulated me into allowing her to slide by things I always resented knowing you were really right and I was too stubborn and prideful to admit it. I fought you and became defensive and refused to allow you to complete sentences so it became a fight. It was the only thing we ever fought about. Now she is out of high school, she has nothing to show for any of the time that's passed and has barely gotten into the most accessible colleges, yet she's chosen not to go and is instead working at a fast food joint making minimum wage.

You've been proven right over and over again, but you've never gloated or said I told you so. I know as I think back that you always focused on each issue; you had a clear picture of what the best outcome was and what she needed to do differently to get there, and I never listened. Each time I made it easy for her to fail, to not even try while at the same time fighting with her and allowing her to control me. Every time she demonstrated an interest in something you were always the first to find all the ways you could that would encourage her and support her, from buying any piece of equipment needed to just being willing to talk to her about it and encourage her to do her best. She always gave up, she'd keep it from you and I'd let it go.

You were right, I never listened and now she has burned so many bridges, yet you still say to keep trying and that kids come of age at all sorts of ages. After all the fighting and resisting and lack of acknowledgment that you were right about not always making it easy for her to fail, you amazingly bare no resentment toward me. You still look for every opportunity for her to be successful and do everything in your power to get her there. How do you do that? How do you stay the course? Your own kids all excel, they are all wonderful, engaging, functional citizens; you knew what you were doing and I allowed my own selfish pride to prevent you influencing my daughter. My god, I am a fool!

I am to weak and prideful to tell you this, but I promise to show you how much I love you for this and the so many unselfish things you are. This month is our 10th anniversary and I love you now more than I even knew was possible when we first married. That I can tell you, that I will make sure you know. I don't know why I can't stand my ground with her, and I am heartbroken over the path she is headed down. I have been my own worst enemy, and worse yet, I've allowed it to hurt her as well.

Confession #2127

It hurts me, deep in my soul, that you have asked and expected me to change pieces of me but you will not reciprocate. I know you will never change your unromantic ways (how I wish you were excited to see me when I come home or planned surprises for me) but when you are late to everything, and I mean everything, it is disrespectful. You tell me to take it easy or not get so uptight but it is rude to show up a half hour or hour late to a couples night or to my parents house. The people in my life that love me have accepted this about you but it doesn't make it right. You could change this if you wanted to but I just don't feel you want to.

We have been together 8 years. LONG time. And in that long time, throughout all of our ups and downs, it is always me that adjusts to make you happy. I'm a passive person by nature but I feel taken advantage of. When I voice my complaints, you turn it around and get angry at me. You excuse your complaints about me as you wanting to help me be a better person...but if that's the case, why can't I "help" you? I truly believe you think you are perfect and you're not. And I love you 140% anyway. I don't care that you leave your snot rags on your nightstand for days or that you drool over women right in front of me. But I do take issue with you not defending me to your family, calling me stupid and telling me how to spend my free time. Why are you so controlling?

And your ultimate form of control over me is marriage. You haven't asked me to marry you and I am at the point where I think you don't want to marry me. You say you do, you tell me you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with me...but you don't go beyond that. At first it was my weight. You said you can't spend the rest of your life with someone who can't do the active things you want to always do. So I worked on that and it's gotten better. Then it was my financial issues...even though you could lighten my burden by not insisting I pay half of just about everything we do together. And now you say it's a trust issue. That I'm not 100% honest and open with you about my food issues and what else am I hiding? I'm starting to think these are excuses. I'm starting to think that if you really wanted to marry me, you would ask. I wish I could believe you are going to surprise me like you say you will...but everytime you plop down $200 for a concert I'd rather not go to, I know that that money could have been saved to make me your wife and you aren't doing it.

Why can't you be happy with me?

Confession #2128

D(ick)H(ead), I've just about had it with you.

The other week, you complained that I was becoming "distant" and "withdrawn" and that you felt that I was very unhappy. You didn't seem able to connect it with the fact that in the last few months you seem to think it's perfectly OK to treat me rudely and disrespectfully, and having tantrums over unbelievably minor shit that would make a 5 year old proud.

If you treated anyone else like that, you would get cut off for life, but somehow you seem to think that since I live in this house it's OK and after you get over it I should just forget about it and play happy families. Not fucking likely. Every time you act like a disrespectful ass to me, I care a little bit less about you. Push me far enough, to the point where I don't care any more at all, and I will walk and be glad to do it.

I understand that you are under a huge amount of stress with your family shit and your mother's illness. However, I don't deserve to have you treat me like this, and I will not put up with it.

You bitch at me for not wanting kids, yet you can't seem to notice when clothes need to get washed, the dishwasher needs to get loaded, or things need to be picked up. And somehow it's my fault if the laundry fairy or the housework fairy doesn't wash the clothes or do something when you arbitrarily decide it should happen. Get over yourself asshole. You live here, you contribute to the mess, and you're too good to dirty your hands cleaning it? Fuck you.

Want kids? Get over it, asshole. You're the one who wants them, not me. Until you prove to me that you're able to pick up your own fucking slack, I'm going to keep right on popping those magic birth control pills. I'm seriously considering getting an IUD as well, so I can say that I'm "off the pill" when you start nagging me about "trying". If I found out that I were pregnant today, I would abort. That's how much I hate the idea of being stuck with all the fucking childcare, and the idea of being tied to you by a child if you keep acting like this. Why do you think I'd want to have a kid with somebody who can't treat me civilly?

The other night was a perfect example of everything I'm starting to hate about you. I said that my parents had suggested we spend xmas with them at my grandmother's. She's 90 years old, has just been widowed, and is too ill to travel. Every other year, we host dinner and your fucking pigs of relatives make asses of themselves. For one year, I suggested we do something different and go over on xmas day. Your bitch of a mother was even invited, so she wouldn't be alone. We've done this ONCE before in the 13 years we've been together. I understand it's a long drive, and if you had calmly said you didn't want to do it and you'd rather go later that week instead, that would have been perfectly acceptable. Instead, you had a huge drama queen hysterical tantrum complete with screaming and yelling. When I lost my temper because OF THE WAY YOU TREATED ME, you had more hysterics about how xmas was so important to you and how could I suggest this, all the while weaseling out of apologizing for your completely. Well, asshole, you'll get what you want...but I am not lifting a finger this year to plan dinner. You can deal with it all, and I don't want to know. I'm very tempted to just go to my GM's instead and leave you to deal with your relatives' crap.

I'm also getting really sick of sex once a week. You bitch that you're too tired, but you're not too tired to play with the fucking computer for hours. And I can't remember the last time you actually tried anything adventurous or interesting. Most guys would be thrilled to have a wife who loves sex like I do and could happily do multiple times a day plus some moderate kink. I'm 30 years old, fit and sexy...why the hell should I have to feel like I need to initiate every time? Try showing some interest and using your imagination for once.

Fuck you, you selfish piece of shit. If you knew how much I was starting to fantasize about leaving for good, you might not be so quick to be such an asshole.

Confession #2129

To my mother-in-law who loves to milk sympathy and is so self-righteous
and pious to all:
You know I am so disappointed in you. I thought you were such a caring
person, but you’re too selfish to be. You wouldn’t even let us borrow a
vehicle and you know what a hard time we’re having financially and I
just hope that your vehicles keep you warm when you’re sitting out there
by yourself. I sure as won’t be bending over backward to do anything
for you anymore. You always brag about tithing, but you can tithe until
the cows come home. But if you’re selfish and stingy (and that you are),
God will take notice of it. You were so particular with that stupid
white car and wouldn’t let anyone drive it and pitched a fit when Xxxx
and I borrowed your ugly old Pontiac to use to drive when my Daddy was
dying. Well, now you got a taste of what my family went through. I
think God took your husband as a way to show you that that stupid white
car wasn’t as important as say, Xxxxx! I know never to depend on you for
anything, that’s for sure. It’s a wonder you ever give anything away as
selfish as you are. You have money in the bank and are so selfish with
it. I hope those Florida people sue your ass off and take everything
you own and I think it’s funny that you’re too stupid to know any
better. Don’t ever ask for another favor, EVER! By the way, you waddle
like a duck when you walk and are built like one to boot! HA! I’m
tired of your son being so defensive over you. I don’t know why. You
almost killed him when he was little. I think that’s why he beats me- I
wish he’d come back and beat the shit out of you!

Confession #2130

Ya know I felt wretched for what I had done to you. I didn't want to hurt you, but today you had the unmitigated gall to force me to tell you one of my secrets. DO YOU NOT GET IT?! Everyone has them! Including you! and Just because It's "Not fair to make you tell a secret" doesn't make it right that you forced me.

You ended up doing the one thing..the one thing you said you wouldn't do, which is force me to do anything. I'm almost 20 years old! Just because you are 26 doesn't mean you have anymore wisdom than me. I probably have more life experience than you, I have loved more than one man.

The worst part is is that I still bend to you..6 years and I'm still cowering and saying "Yes, I'm bad and blah blah." I shouldn't HAVE to tell you anything, not to mention the first secret is the one you hated most.

I would be with him if I could. I would run away and marry him and in love. Because I love him, as much as I did when I was fully in love with you. And HE treats me well, holy crap go figure! But he is my half-brother and I can't do anything to change that, I can't bear his children and it kills me sometimes.

You have to get over it, I wouldn't be fighting to get back together with you if I planned on spending my life with him. You are being vile and worse than I ever was. I may have slept with him but I didn't humiliate you. I never changed...I think you may have..and it scares me..

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

True Wife Confessions 212 Manhatten

Confession #2111

he's gone and that's good. you're here and that's better.

I used to think you were the shallow one--always cheery, never talking about anything deep or, to be honest, and I am, you're particularly interesting. 25 years later I know better. You've stayed through all sorts of bullshit, much of it you didn't know about, thank god I was never that stupid. I thought I didn't want to hurt you, turns out I was just canny about my own needs. You may not fill them all, but if you don't, I better find it in me. You're too good to cheat on again.

I gave into that "loved you since high school" line because, yeah, it was intense back then. But when I said, I can't leave no, not yet, he was gone to another woman within a month. Zoom. So much for LifeLongLove.

Now the only debate is who's more shallow, me? him? I don't deserve you but I'm not going to let that bother me unless I have the urge to start something again. I'll come over here and read this and think, yo, dudette, you're an idiot. It's not real. Happy guy in your bed every night who tells the same stale dumb jokes? the one who doesn't set you on fire? He's real.

PS I bet that's a Freudian slip, that "you're particularly interesting" when I meant to write "not particularly interesting."
You're snoring next to me in bed and after I hit send, I'll go shove you onto your side, which at least turns down the volume, and snuggle up behind you and feel blessed while I dose off.

I wish I could tell you some of this, but I consider the need for silence a perverse payment for my sins, snuggling with you and guilt in the same bed. You take up a lot more space and are warmer and a lot friendlier, usually.

I suspect you had an affair, too, a few years back--amazing how easy it is to do in these long term relationships--but by God, I don't want to know. I'm taking it from here and not turning into a pillar of salt, unless I have need to recall my own slip. Just one, mind you. So far. Forward, hark.

Confession #2112

So this guy I used to "date" emailed me today about how he put his picture up on "hot or not" dot com and was complaining about his less-than-great results, so of course, I had to visit the stupid website to try to find the photo in question. Meaning I had to go through a whole parade of mostly "not's" with a few "trying too hard's" and "gay's" and "you must be joking's" before I finally just asked him to send me the picture. And as I flipped through this sad, sad display, all I could think was--"damn, I'm glad I'm married."

And that my husband is definitely hot.

Confession #2113

Sometimes I look at our family and I wonder what it would be like if I
had never had kids with my ex. I know that my life would be far
different and most likely we never would have met. Having the girls
with him was one of the events that led to me moving here, you moved
here shortly afterward and with one wrong button click we found each
other. For just a few moments every once in awhile though I take the
girls and my ex and everything surrounding them and erase them from my
mind for just a bit and I sit back and imagine what it would be like
with just you, me and our baby. Still living in the same house, still
working the same jobs, still living in the same town, just with not as
many people, and it feels so good.. Then I feel guilty because I love
my kids with everything I have, all 3 of them. I would die to protect
them and I would kill to save them if i needed to, I would need no
prompting. It just feels so different to have a child with a man you
truly love, a man you trust to be just as good or better of a parent
then I am. A man that truly truly loves me for every single part of
me. I am glad my girls have you to call dad, I am glad that I get to
call you my husband.

I know you will know who I am once you read this and I love the fact
that you will come home after work and kiss me and hug me and tell me
that you love me and you know that I love my girls, you know I would
never give them up for anything and you understand what I am feeling
when I imagine my life without them in it. I can't ask for anything
more then a partner in my life who understands me mostly and strives to
understand me better all the time. I love you, thanks for all the back
scratches baby.

Confession #2114

This confession goes out to my ex-Dh's Third wife....
I'm sorry I met,fell in love and married him first..
I'm sorry you are so very insecure and immature of this fact.
I'm sorry you can't stand that after 9 years of marriage,and knowing each other since we were 16 years old,that we are great friends.
I'm sorry you are bitter and angry that every month since we have been divorced,He has paid his monthly child support.
I'm sorry your daddy only paid your mommy50 bucks in child support,so you feel your DH shouldn't pay for his children.
I'm sorry you can't understand the whole meaning of loving fathers helping in raising financially,and emotionally taking responsibility.
I'm sorry I thanked the lord for sending him a"good one",when all along you two faced and sneaky..
I'm sorry I invited you into my house thinking you were happy that we get along in raising healthy children,when you are pea green with envy.
I'm sorry you have nothing more productive in your life to do other than write nasty,and untrue things on th internet about your Dh's first wife,and children.
I'm sorry you most likely didn't get the whole truth about our divorce..
I'm sorry most of all you say you can't love our children because they are loyal and love their mother... so sad for you!
I'm sorry you are jealous of the time they are with their father,because they take up his attention and time away from you as you wrote on your blog..
I'm sorry and disappointed that you are not mature to handle a divorced man with children,and the child support eats you away every month!
Have a nice day Third wife!

Confession #2115

you keep asking me what has changed, and what is different, and I think I have finally figured it out.

I have given up-- I am letting go of my dream.

I always thought there was more TO you--- there was this brilliant, dependable person on the inside that would suddenly pop out one day.

Now, at almost 40, I think I have figured it out.

you are never going to hold a steady job.
you are never going to be a good father (or better father, in all fairness you are an ok father) to your son.
you are never going to be the spiritual head of our household.
you are never going to be "glass half full."
I will never truly be happy with you.
I never should have married you.
Marrying you has ruined any chances for true success for me.
I am a single parent, just with you here too.
you are stupid.
you are boring and predictable.
you are a weight around my ankle.

I always thought that there was more to you, but there isn't. THAT is what I have figured out. We don't have a bad life, but it isn't a great life either. it is a life of mediocrity.

Confession #2116

I spent 9 years with your abusive ass because I was to weak to leave
you. At least four times a week I wiped my just got done peeing vagina
on the shirts that you fucking insisted on leaving on the bathroom floor
daily. you know, the ones you then screamed at me for not picking up
before you got home from your oh so exhausting job? The best part of
the whole thing is when you would then put them on and wear them again
after my pee stains dried, I giggled every morning when you left for
work, after I breathed a sigh of relief at having you out of the house.
You never found out and two years later I still giggle about it.

Confession #2117

Would it kill you to have a conversation that didn't involve complaining about work and/or chores that need to be done? I'd like to talk about hopes, dreams, future plans, travel, past experiences, friends, books, movies, and maybe even a few philosophical ideas. When I try to tell you something you cut me off and make it about you you you.

Confession #2118

I don't want to be in a relationship with my ex
boyfriend anymore. We've been on and off over the past
3 years and each time we are "on," there's nothing
there but the sex. He cannot satisfy me outside the
bedroom. He ignores me in public, dismisses me in
conversations and generally treats me as if I'm
beneath him but he'll be all cuddly when he wants sex.
I won't hear from him unless he wants something. I
need to break this bad habit. I just wish I could tell
him this.

Confession #2119

You are away this weekend and I am glad...glad you are away from the bitch who has taken you from me. You are completely and totally miserable with her and yet you stay. Everyone notices the difference in your mood, your appearance, your stature..and it kills me. I miss the confident man I fell in love with. Yes being your friend and nothing else is very hard because I see how badly she treats you and I want to beat her face in.

I wish you would realize quickly that she doesn't really want you...she just doesn't want you with anyone else. She knows you were happy and HATED it because she is miserable. I don't think she can be anything but miserable. I am better looking than she is, not that it really matters just something I have observed from her picture.

Oh, and she has been stalking my myspace page. I am putting little things on there to drive crazy and wait for you to ask me about it. I won't tell you that I am doing it on purpose but I am.

Confession #2120

"Torn between two lovers..fellin like a fool..Loving both of u, is breaking all the rules..Oh how I totally get this song! I'm so confused. I know i have to choose between the both of u,but its so hard! U hav been my husband for seven yrs. After the divorce, i didnt think we would ever think of getting back. U have no idea how much u hurt me, now, u finally realise how much i meant to u. I know u really love me and i'm sure that u wont do what u did to hurt me again, but it's hard to love you the way I once did. The next thing is you are never around and i feel so lonely. I need a companion. Someone to come home to everyday, someone to take me out and enjoy spending time with. I know i could never get this from you because of your job. He is always there for me. He makes me happy. I'm not sure if he loves me as much as u do though,after all, we have only been dating eight months now. He knows about u and your intentions.I told him.I would never try to hide that from him.He wants me to make a decision. Its only fair.With u I know i will never have to worry about security and finance. I know if i got sick u will be here for me. I have no doubt that u love me, my doubt is within myself. I do love and care for u, but i'm not sure its the kind of love you are looking for in a wife. I dont know if i can allow my heart to love u like that anymore bec I have built a wall up to prevent getting hurt the way i did before. I do love him also, i love being around him. He makes my heart smile.I just melt in his arms and in his smile.He doesn't work for as much as u do..I know if I am with him he might not be able to give me the things you could but that doesn't bother me the least. I am afraid of what will happen in the future. What if he changes? What if things don't work out... He already told me that if i chose him, I could never talk to u again and u say the same. I don't know what to do.Someone plz help me..