Monday, January 24, 2011

True Wife Confessions Rule 34

Confession #331

You look so sexy in your new glasses I want to rip your clothes off every time I look at you.

Confession #332

We've been together for 2 1/2 years and it pisses me off to no end, that you still do not accept my kids as a part of us. You tell me you love me but once a month....I know you do, but it would make me feel so much better if you would tell me a bit more

Confession #333

Before we were engaged, I cheated on you. The "affair" lasted 6 months. The only reason I stayed with you was because he was moving out of state, and I didn't want to go. I have always regretted this, as he made me feel like a real person, and you just make me sad.

Confession #334

I can't believe how much you love me. I hope you never realize that I don't deserve you.

Confession #335

That night I super glued your butt shut, it was only because you would have woke up if I tried it on your mouth.

Confession #336

I love you so much that I will lie and say I fell off the porch to cover up the bruises the size of softballs on my arm that you with your own fist put on me. Yes, I still love you with all my heart. I never thought I would understand the women who stay.

Confession #337

You aren't really that hot in bed. All this while, I know I have been stoking that ego of yours, and I deserve an Oscar for my performances.

Confession #338

Sometimes when I am upset, it's not because I doubt your love or my own for you. It's because I love you so much it scares me!

Confession #339

I had 2 brief flings with people who didn't really matter anything to me towards the tail end of our relationship, because I felt you moving away. And now that I've found out that I was just the place holder till you found a replacement, I don't feel guilty about it anymore.

Confession #340

This morning, after I dropped off the girls at their respective day camps, I drove home like a bat out of hell just so that I could make love to you before you left for work.

You're an awesome husband, an excellent father and an amazing lover.

You're right, 3 kids and 12+ years later, it does keep getting better and better.

I love you. Thank you.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

True Wife Confessions 320

Confession #3191

I have been gathering the things you left behind when you moved in August.
I just sent them all to you in a box. It felt really good to get the last reminders of you out of my life. I still miss you terribly, I still love you, but I will never allow anyone to treat me with so little regard again.

Confession #3192

Yes, it is perfectly okay with me if you convert part of the garage into a room for your musical instruments and a place where you can do recording. I know you were surprised by my answer. But, first you have to clean out the garage, buy supplies and actually frame and build the thing so I know it'll never happen. So, sure! Build away!

Confession #3193

I hate that you do chart-topping, jaw-dropping, record-breaking, awe-inspiring, come-early-leave-late, mindblowingly amazing, 110% work for your boss, but do substandard, corner-cutting, second-rate, low-effort, low-result, piss-poor, trifling-ass work at home for your family. God, I really fucking hate that.

Confession #3194

Christmas was lovely... but with what you spent you could of got the ring... just tell me you don't want to get married and get it over with please.

Confession #3195

You may act like a horse's ass most of the time, but your body turns me on more than anyone I've ever been with. For that reason alone, I will always be under your spell.

Confession #3196

YOU left ME, not the other way around...... You chose to walk out after 7 years and 3 children! You chose to cheat with an obscene amount of women YOU! Now when the dust has settled and I'm happy and dating again and you see that so you decide to try and come back??????? UMMMMMM ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY????? You put me through hell and I stood by you up until the day I signed our divorce papers.... I told u I would forgive u and we could move on as a family but if u took it to the point of me signing the papers I wouldn't look back........ U can thank yourself for that!

Confession #3197

You often told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to you. You asked me time and again what did you do to deserve such a great girlfriend. When I told you time and again that I was unhappy, you told me that I deserved a better boyfriend. I finally realized that you are right and have broken up with you. Now you are moving out of our home and into your parents' basement that reeks of cat piss to sleep on a fold-out couch, "only for the next year or so". You have sellable assets and enough money that you could live on your own and have a decent life right now. I could ask why you are self destructing, why you are opting for the worst of all possible choices, but instead I will just smile and count the days until you are gone.

Confession #3198

I find it fascinating that the two days I stated I'm going to need a lot of help around the house, the day before our Christmas party and the days before my parents arrive for New Year's, you get sick. Convenient that. Even more convenient that it's always some 24 hour thing so you can enjoy the events but don't have to actually do any cleaning before them.

Confession #3199

I left gingerbread crumbs on the counter. You left nuggets of corn floating in the toilet.

I was so astonished when you got all puff-faced and snapped at me "Why don't you grow up?" that I just stood and stared. I really couldn't comprehend that you, Mister Corn Ass, were complaining that I had left a goddamn gingerbread crumb (from the gingerbread that I made) on the counter (that I cleaned) this morning before going to my job (that pays for the corn that is apparently too sturdy for you, you delicate flower, to flush).

You disgust me.

Confession #3200

We were together for 12 years. We have two beautiful children. And your priority was always your mates, your four wheel driving, and then us. You spent most weekends away from us, baffled by the fact that I didn’t want to spend two endless days listening to you and your drunken mates talk about cars. You wouldn’t go away for a weekend unless your mates came too, and only if it was to somewhere we had to camp. I have OCD and small children. I HATE sand and dirt, yet you insisted it was all in my head. I had post natal depression, you told me to get over it. But you know what hurt the most. The constant rejection of my physical advances towards you. If there is an excuse for not having sex that I haven’t heard, I’d be interested to hear it. I kept myself in pretty good shape, I tried my best to peak your interest. I never begrudged you your weekends with your mates, because you worked your arse off so I could stay at home and be a mum. I asked you to let me know whether or not to keep dinner warm for you, but never what time you’ll be home. I ran our home and cared for our kids single handedly.

Last Christmas I found out you were having an affair with our neighbour and friend (also the married mother of our eldest child’s best friend). On one hand I was thrilled that I could finally be free of a stifling marriage. On the other hand, you deserved to feel guilty after what you did and the years you took me for granted.

We’ve been separated for a year and I can still make you feel awful by throwing in your face that you left us for her. I love that little bit of power I have over you after years of being put down and made to feel worthless. So here’s my little secret. The reason I stopped asking you for sex was because I found other men who never turned me down. Two were from work, the other was your best mate. It wasn’t about the sex, it was about feeling wanted and desired. I also loved the fact that we were laughing at you behind your back and you were too obtuse to realise what was going on.

I hope you and your clingy, possessive older woman have a happy future together. As for me, I’m loving spending every day without you and listening to my children talk about our family (which doesn’t include you).