Monday, October 30, 2006

True Wife Confessions 107 Feast

Confession #1061

OK~Here's the thing:
I love you so much baby but I swear sometimes you are the neediest man alive. You can't give me 1 hour of peace when I watch Grey's Anatomy because "I need to feel like the most important thing". GIVE ME AN HOUR OF QUIET WITHOUT YOU ASKING ME "WHAT'S THE LAST MOVIE WE WATCHED SO I CAN BUY THE SOUNDTRACK?" CRAP! I swear!!!!!!!!!!! I know you work while I'm finishing my Masters but what is going to happen when I work, too? What do you do for me? work and bring home money, which pays the bills AND I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT but what do YOU DO for me? When was the last time you cleaned the house for me? When was the last time you cooked supper for me? When was the last time you picked up your shit and put it in the laundry? WHEN???? You can't tell me, can you? You work and come home and EVERYTHING ELSE is taken care of for you!!!! I'm sick of it.

Confession #1062

I enjoy sex more when you shave. You enjoy sex more when I enjoy sex more.
We are both fully aware of this simple equation.
What I don't understand is why it's not motivation enough to make you shave every day. Or at least once a week.

Confession #1063

Do you think I am naive? Hopefully by now you've realized that I most certainly am not. Your friendship is pissing me the fuck off. But I sit back and I keep it bottled up inside because I have guy friends of my own and I can't be a hypocrite, my pride won't let me. Difference between my guy friends and you girl friend - we don't want to fuck each other. Right here is the only place I can set my pride aside and say this friendship of yours is absolute 100% bullshit.

You think I don't notice how giddy the two of you get when you're around one another? I know how you are - you've been the same way with me. I know how she is - because I know HER! You know what else I know? I know you know it bothers me. Yep, you know damn good and well that it hurts, and that's the one thing you promised you would never do. Problem is, I can't tell you these things. I don't know how. So I sit here and type out the words, hoping it will make me feel better. I hope it does, or some day who knows what will happen.

I am asking you to please stop hurting me. If it means you are looking at an ultimatum, so be it. Hurt me now and pick her than allow me to hate you later because you've fucked her. Maybe you already have and I just won't let myself believe it. Wow. Maybe you already have. Holy....shit.

Confession #1064

I love you even though you are married to someone else. I love you even though you're not always nice to me. I love you even though I know the odds are not in our favor. I love you even though you didn't, and won't, choose me. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe, and accept, that after not believing in love, or soul mates that I found both in you but will never get to live out my life as I should. With you. At this point I think that if you are ever free from the obligations of your current life, wherever we both are, we'll end up together. Because as much as you might roll your eyes and be cynical about the prospect of happiness, you know that we belong together. No matter what, I will never be sorry that I met or fell in love with you, because even with the hurt, it has been wonderful to know that I could feel that way again; that I could have that kind of connection. Because of you, I will always believe that love is the answer.

Confession #1065

Why am I fantasizing about my friends?

Confession #1066

There are so many wonderful things about you that I feel a little odd
about bitching about this one, but. . .

It's really getting on my nerves that you make commitments and plans
and just simply tell me about them, rather than checking to see if
maybe I have plans or have something I might need to do. I have to
always check with you about things I want to do without our children,
wonderful though they are, before I plan them to see if you'll be
available. It seems rather unfair and it's starting to piss me off. I
know that your work has "all the time" hours, your job is like that
and I'm fine with that. But going to do extra things without at least
a conversation about it feels more and more like an imposition on me
and the things I might want to do. I end up having to run hither,
thither and yon on my lunch hour and when it takes forever to actually
get to where I can do the things that need or that I want doing, I can
really only do one thing during lunch. And if I don't do it then, I
have to take the kids -- which makes everything take about twice as
long and about 10 times more complicated.

I hope my view of this is simply skewed and it's not really as bad as
it's becoming in my mind.

Confession #1067

I wish it was better, instead of longer.

Confession #1068

You question me about how much money I spend, and yet when I suggest that I get a part time job, you tell me it isn't worth my time.

I'm applying anyway, even knowing you will be pissed, cause I have to do something for me - have MY money, my friends, my world. The world of "YOU" is killing me, in every way. I never would have expected this from you, and it disappoints me.

Confession #1069

When I come home from fucking him the whole afternoon, I don't feel any guilt what so ever.

Confession #1070

When things exploded with him, they exploded. I escaped with the two children, and the relief I felt was similar to that a woman feels when she stops banging her head against a wall. I always had to do it all with him. I was his nanny, maid, accountant, petsitter--you name it. Worn to the bone, I collapsed every night feeling depressed and worthless. And he was always there to remind me of exactly how fat, ugly, and stupid I was. He drank, got stoned, avoided his kids, avoided me as much as he could. I cannot even describe the hell that it was, and I'm not even sure how I managed. I guess having to make sure the kids were ok kept me afloat.

For the longest time, I thought that perhaps he'd get better...I didn't remember him being like that when we married, or even before we had the kids. What happened?

Words echo in my head from my ex-husband...foul things he called me for no reason other than such incidents as me using the automatic ice maker when he rounded the corner on the cordless phone (it made the work answering machine messages he was collecting seem not so clear). I remember when I had given birth to our wonderful son, and four months later I had already managed to get down to 115 lbs as a 5'2" woman...yet he screamed at me until his veins popped out of his head that I was soooo fat. Why did I do it all? Why did I listen? Why did I believe? And then when I told him that I was going to divorce him, I will never forget the first words out of his mouth: "Who will do my laundry?"

After 10 years of marriage, he couldn't even remember what color my eyes were.

And then you came along.

I chased you off. I told you that one bad marriage was enough. I told you I'd never trust again, love again, nor risk anything again. I told you that my children came first, and for God's sake, go the hell back to France and leave me alone.

You went back to France and asked your best friend to be your best man at your wedding because you had met the woman of your dreams.

And for a year you waited, patiently. You tried to help me lug my emotional baggage rather than left me with it. We started to date. You were romantic, sweet, kind. You treated my children as if they were your own. My sister, who has hated every single man I ever dated, loved you to death. My friends asked if they could clone you.

I didn't realize marriage could be any other way than bad. I have heard my friends bitch about their situations, and I know that my own circumstance was not unique. Yet, what you've taught me is that there are good men in the world...and there are good marriages. I just needed to look a little harder.

I get flowers, chocolates, love notes, nightly walk in the house and immediately decide to take out the trash, mop, and vacuum. When both kids need something at the same time, you grab one, knowing that I'll take care of the other. My children call you daddy, and they prefer being with you than their own father. You have a good heart, and you are always patient and kind when I have to deal with my ex. When I decide to use my time to help another, you jump right in and help the other person too. If all French men were like you, I'd make all my single girlfriends buy tickets to Paris! You help me, you love me, and you are the least selfish person I know.

Thank you for showing me that not all husbands are selfish and mean. Thank you for showing me what love really is...and most importantly, thank you for showing my kids EXACTLY what they too deserve in a relationship one day.

Je t'aime...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

True Wife Confessions 106 degrees of Seperation

Confession #1051

When you hugged me last night and told me you would take care of everything and not to worry, I fell more in love with you. I needed you to be my hero then. Thank you.

Confession #1052

We're young I know but we have a 2 year old and we need to make this work. You woke me up at 3 am the other day yelling at me because there was a pack of gum on the desk with 2 pieces missing so somebody must have been here. Your looking for signs that I'm cheating but you won't find any i've haven't been with another person in the last 3 1/2 years we've been together. Most men would be happy to know there not being cheated on but you've made mistakes in the past (and I've forgave u) but you think i can never be better at anything then you but i am, I'm better at being faithful. I love you still and hope we can work through this but if not I'll find someone else that loves our son and can appreciate me.

Confession #1053

Get this straight. Cyber flirting with another woman is no more acceptable
to me than real life flirting. Calling another woman pet names is disloyal
to me. Telling another woman you wish she was here with you (even though
you've never met her) is a betrayal. Not rebutting another woman's advances,
in order to massage your ego, is disloyal to me. This has hurt me beyond
belief and I will never forget it or forgive you. You can never make it up
to me.

Confession #1054

There is snow on the ground and the furnace stopped working last night. I managed to fix it, all by myself. Not once did I wish for a knight in shining armor to swoop in and care of the problem. Dumping your lazy @ss is the best thing I've ever done.

Confession #1055

Honey -
I do not love my job. I do not love the things I have to do during the day that I don't particularly enjoy. I do not love having to get up in the morning earlier than is necessarily fair to the human body. I don't really love not being able to do all the things in the evening that I want to. But at the end of a particularly hard day, at the end of a particularly long week or even after a few hours of icky chores, I love coming home to you. I love that you're always there for me when I get home with a hug and a kiss on my forehead (something else I love) I love that you are responsible enough (occasionally) to clean the kitchen when you know I don't want to ... even if it takes a few days. I love that every now and then you let me just sit and rest and relax and take care of everything. I love that you made me buffalo shrimp and didn't stop until you almost burnt the house down and got it right. Luckily, nothing but the first batch was truly burnt. I love sharing the kitchen with you when we cook something together. I love the way we tease each other and know that it doesn't really mean anything. It's just our way of showing how much we love each other. I love that you love me that much. I love that you love me enough to make sacrifices, the ones I know about and the ones I don't. I love you enough to put up with you when you're being a complete ass, particularly because you love me enough to put up with me when I'm being a complete ass. I love that you understand how hard it is for me to move to Maryland and away from all of my friends and my family, and my Dad (which is really the most difficult part). I love that you understand my close relationship with him. Thank you for everything that you do for me. Thank you for putting up with me when I'm crazy, and juvenile, and anal-retentive and just plain mean. I love you very much, and the most selfish and wonderful thing I've ever done for myself was marry such an amazing man. Happy Love Thursday.

Confession #1056

I know I told you that your beloved black pepper mill fell off the counter and broke. It didn't - I threw that fucker in the trash! I was so sick of you putting a coating of cracked black pepper on every dinner you made. I hated that I had to rinse the cooked chicken and steak off before the girls and I could eat it. Pepper on your lasagna?? Who does that? You like black pepper. We don't! How many times can I tell you to pepper your own dinner and not ours????? Seriously, I think you do just do it to piss me off. It is one button you know how to push.

If you are wondering - the red pepper flakes and cayenne pepper - they are in the trash too. I will just keep on "forgetting" to get them when I go grocery shopping.

Confession #1057

So, you want to know why I cheated
He spoiled me from day one, with simple little things,
Opening the door for me, telling me I looked nice, that I was beautiful.
Things that you never did. And he is willing to give me the moon and stars, no questions asked. If I tell you I need new shoe, you ask why?

Confession #1058

Why the FUCK does your male friend sign his e-mails, "Love, ****"? What the FUCK is that all about? Let me find out that you so much as LOOKED at another man and you are HISTORY, you erectile dysfunctioning, premature ejaculating, non-sex initiating &^%$#@.

Confession #1059

I know where the "mysterious dent" came from on the car door. I bumped another car parking. I just don't want to hear the bull shit about my driving or any thing else. So I will keep my mouth shut and let you think that it was a parking lot accident. Cause you know what? It isn't worth the ammunition that it will become for later fights.

Confession #1060

Who the hell do you think you are leaving me a note on my day off to
"clean the house".
Yes, I know you work full time and I work part time. I also go to
school and I do take care of the house. Do you think your clothes
magically clean themselves and put themselves away? Do you think that
I push a magic button and dinner appears each night? Not to mention
all the other million little things I do to make this house a home
and take care of our kids.

You don't like the way the house looks? Clean up after yourself.
Don't be an ass and announce that you are going to clean up and throw
away anything that is not in it's place. If I did that to you, your
only possession would be your toothbrush.

You never even lifted a finger for the 14 months you were out of
work. You 'networked' and had 'business lunches' and found so many
other things to do except pick up after yourself. Don't think that I
didn't notice during your unemployment period that you found time to
have lunch with everyone under the sun, yet each time I asked you,
you were too busy.

By the way, I am going to school to get a degree so that I can
qualify for a decent paying job and be rid of you. You were the one
who insisted I be a SAHM, yet the moment our first child was born and
I quit working, you treated me like a useless burden who didn't
contribute to the family.

Friday, October 27, 2006

True Wife Confessions 105 Works of Man Ray

Confession #1041

There is a group of us... we call ourselves the Secret Widows. There's more of us than you'd think... and that is what is so very sad about it. Beneath the facades of happy marriage lies these rotten truths.
We hate you, but it's a quiet, sort of patient hatred.
We all used to love you, our husbands. We thought you were different from "typical" men. We thought you loved us. What a joke it all turned out to be. You took all of the promises and turned them into betrayals. You took our faithfulness and turned to other women. You have lied and cheated and broken us too many times now...
it's our turn to lie.
We still smile and say all of the right thing. We still pretend to listen when you talk. We go on in our lives as if we have forgiven and forgotten.
But we haven't.
Each of us, we secret widows, is just waiting for (counting on) you to die first.
The we'll be free.
We will act sad.
Maybe even shed a tear.
only the rest of us will know the truth.
We can wait.... and keep ourselves very, very healthy.

Confession #1042

Honey I love you with all of my heart. You mean more to me than any man
ever has and I treasure you....

That being said, contrary to my attempts at feigning cluelessness, I DO
know/notice when another man is checking me out or when he's flirting
with me. I would NEVER cheat on you and I would never disrespect you by
flirting back. While I don't overtly encourage it, I don't mind the
attention and I actually like it and I know exactly why:

1. Deep down I am desperately insecure and though you are great about
giving my compliments, affection and attention, it flatters me when
other men find me attractive.


2. I don't think it hurts for you to know that there are other men
interested in me because you've hurt me before and what's wrong with
you knowing there are other men that would trade places with you in a

Confession #1043

Why is it I've given you hundreds of blowjobs and have gotten nothing in
return? You go down on me but then always stick it in. You always get
something. Why can't you go down on me, make me orgasm and then not get
anything in return? Why is sex always about you or us? Why can't it be, for
once, just about me?
Oh, and when you do go down on me, for fuck sake! Quit acting like I'm
pulling your teeth! Remember when you told me that it's about the attitude
when a woman gives a blow job? How it's sexy when she's into it and enjoying
it? Take your own advice. It is NOT a turn on to look down and see you're
completely bored and knowing you can't wait for it to be over.

Confession #1044

Because I love you, I want to warn you I'm going to blame you for us not having children.We've talked about this too many times already. You keep saying we need to wait until we're "financially stable", whatever that means, on your salary and mine. Too bad I don't want to keep waiting because what we have is enough for at least one child. The funny thing is that my body can't wait forever. Neither can yours. I think you'll end up blaming me anyway for not making enough money. It's too bad that I've resigned myself that this day, when we will start trying to have children will never happen, at least not with you. That's my biggest regret of our marriage.

Confession #1045

I have to confess -- I actually don't care if you have an affair. In reality, I would be thrilled if you did, because then we could get a divorce and end this farce of a marriage. I'm not interested in having an affair myself, because, well, I *did* that with you, and look how that's turned around to bite me in the butt. So no more affairs for me. But please -- go ahead and have one yourself. It would be a relief for me.

Confession #1046

Yes, I still read this site every day. Now I'm about to make my first confession and I hope you read it. Here it goes...I still love you. Maybe even more today than I did yesterday.
You made a stupid mistake. You admitted it, and that should have been the end of it. I'm sure there are a lot of girls out there that would have taken it in stride. True, I KNOW you didn't cheat on me, and I KNOW things were different then, and I know you lied to me because you didn't want me to think differently about you. But because of people in my past, I have a hard time trusting people. I'm working through that...and it's because of you. You've let me see that not everybody is as bad as they seem at first, and that it is ok to trust somebody else with my heart. I don't have to be on guard with you, and I never look for hidden meaning behind what you say. Nothing, not even your "confession" has changed that. I just needed time for myself to think about it and deal with it in my own terms.
I know we're not perfect, and I know there's plenty of time to make more mistakes, but you live you learn. Right?
I love you and yes, I still read this site and feel glad that among infinite number of jerks out there- - I got one of the good ones. That brings me to confession number 2-I'm impressed that you've had that new hamper for nearly a week and you've STILL been good about putting your dirty clothes in it.
The apartment is coming along nicely. I can't believe how much effort you've put in so far to make it into "our" home. I'm really looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life and in our relationship.
And just so you know this confession IS for you - - -FNA ;-)

Confession #1047

If I find one more paper fast food cup sitting next to the sink, as if you’re going to wash it and re-use it until the end of time, I’m going tie you down and make you eat it! You’re a fricking mechanical engineer with years of higher education. Use your head for Christ sakes. A retarded monkey would know that it takes just as much energy to walk that cup to the kitchen sink, as it does to walk it to the kitchen garbage! I’m your wife, the mother of your kids, and work full time. I don’t have it in me to be your garbage man to.

Confession #1048

Not everyone is as perfect as you. I know you don't have Issues. I know you never go to a party and drink too much and start to cry. I know you are not insecure and don't need to be reminded that there's a good reason to be with you. But I do, and I am. And I'm sorry about that, but if you keep saying you don't want to break up with me and you mean it, you'll need to accept that sometimes I'm fucked up. I warned you.

Confession #1049

When we talk on the phone, is it too much to expect your attention? I can hear you clicking away on the keyboard, and those gaps where I am expecting a response and you don't say anything let me know that you aren't listening.

This kind of behavior tells me that you don't care about me, that you are selfish, that you aren't interested. Is that what you are trying to say?

Confession #1050

I love you, but I'm not sure I want to marry you. We live well
together, but I don't think we'll make it for the long haul. I'm
already so sick of fighting with you about helping with the housework,
and asking you to please not come up and hump me from behind every time
I bend over to clean the cat's litterbox or empty the dishwasher. I
don't want to end up like my parents; I don't ever want to hate you.
And I think if we get married, we might end up hating each other. I'm
so afraid of that, but I don't want to lose you.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

True Wife Confessions 104 Peugeot

Confession #1031

Please stop straining yourself just to squeeze out a nasty fart in my presence. It is so annoying and rude. I am not nor was I ever impressed. Other than that you are a keeper.

Confession #1032

I love you. I love you every second of the day. I think you are the
best thing that ever happened to me. But I wish you would show me how you
feel about me. Don't just assume that I always know - because I don't. I
wonder all the time. Sometimes a girl just needs to hear it.

Confession #1033

Honey, I realize that going bald at 25 cannot be easy for you. But please, please, enough with the comb over. You are not fooling anyone and it only makes you look ridiculous. I tried to point this out to you and you got too defensive. Trust me, baldness does not look all that bad on you. At least, it looks a hell of a lot better than that damn comb over.

Confession #1034

When you stay out all night drinking with your
brother-in-law, I let the dog sleep on your pillow.
The fact that you hate the dog makes it that much

Confession #1035

It is not my responsibility to police your diet. You need to be a big boy and watch what you eat. You are now diabetic and therefore there are foods that can make you really sick if you eat them. If you have a death wish, continue to drink the soda, eat the sugary cereal, and load up on all the things you know you should not have. I will enjoy the life insurance money. The rest of the people in the house do not have any dietary restrictions and should not be expected to adhere to the same diet. You as a nearly 40 year old adult should have enough self control to not eat your son's cereal or to buy a doughnut at the convenience store on your way to work. If you end up in the hospital again, do not expect much sympathy from me. You have to be in control of you, I can't do it nor should I be expected to.

Confession #1036

Stop talking to me like shit in front of other people. Why do you keep doing this? I am so sick of being berated in front of our friends and our patronizing fuckwit. I used to think that answering you back and defending myself was better than keeping quiet, because I didn't want people to think that I was a push-over. But, now I just keep quiet because I don't want to make a I sit there and let you talk me me like a child.

People notice. They have said it to me. Even YOUR friends. They think you are rude and obnoxious. Perhaps if you stopped drinking so much when we socialize you wouldn't act like that. But, I don't think it is even the alcohol anymore - I think it is just you. You like to feel like the 'big man' - and treating your wife like an idiot apparently makes you one.

I can't believe you refuse to even acknowledge your behaviour the next day when you are sober. You fucking bastard. You think you are so fucking great don't you.

Confession #1037

I love you with my whole heart. You are the best thing ever. I don't deserve you!!! However, when you are gone, I really really enjoy having the bed all to myself. No snoring!!!! Baby, it is AWESOME!

Confession #1038

I live in fear everyday that something is going to slip and I'll find out you've gone back to looking at dirty pictures online at work and posting your profile on personal sites...or that you've "pretended" you wanted to meet someone so they would send you their nasty, naked pictures. I'm still not 100% sure that was true about it all being a ruse, but I do so want it to be the truth. I love you with all my heart and soul. I have trouble breathing when I think of you and I not being together or something happening to you. But I won't allow you to cheat on me whether it's emotionally or physically. I forgave you once and told you that if I ever found out it was happening again we were through. We've had a child since then but that promise still stands. I will not allow that in my life. I CAN make it on my own, but trust that it will cost you both monetary and mentally because it's not something I will 'play nice' about. Pornographic material is not okay with me and considering I'm more than open to just about anything you'd want to do, I don't see why you should need it. If you do "need it" than maybe that's something you should have treated through therapy or something. I offered to go with you or just support you if you went but you came up with all sorts of excuses. I've taken the password lock off the computer and our email account and only spy on your email account every so often, but something inside of me tells me it's not over. That you're lying to me again and cheating on my trust. I have never been anything but faithful to you and want little more than to make you happy and provide a good and happy home life for our children. That takes both of us. It will kill something inside of me if I find out I've been living a lie. Please, please tell me you're not trolling again...

Confession #1039

I know the reasons we can't be together. But so help me God, I love you -
and *want* you - so much. We've been good friends for over half a decade,
and it was three and a half years before I realised how I *really* felt
about you. I should have known - I always felt guilty when we hugged just
that little bit too long. Then I was obsessed with whether you felt the same
way about me. When I found out ten months later (in spectacular fashion)
that you *did*, I couldn't have been happier, no matter how difficult things
We've always been able to talk about anything, but when we first kissed,
when you first really put your arms around me, I felt like I'd come home.
The sexual attraction was - and is - so incredibly strong, it just floored
me, and does even now. I know when you're around before you clear your
throat in that distinctive way of yours, and when our eyes first meet, it's
like an electric shock and my heart does flip flops. When you lean down to
kiss me on the cheek, your spicy cologne and deep, sexy voice make me weak
at the knees. Just sitting next you with my arm against yours ever so
lightly is an incredibly erotic experience. Basically, when I'm around you,
I'm within *centimetres* of ripping your clothes off most of the time.
And what's even more amazing is that while I'm within centimetres of having
my wicked way with you, I just love talking to you about anything and
everything - whether it's technology or philosophy or raunchy jokes. I'm
just happy being with you, every precious moment we have on our own. And
when we...slip, and our lips end up together, or our hands or naked bodies
entwined - I treasure every second and tuck away the memories to live them
over again.
And when we're not together physically - sometimes, I wish we could ... be
naughty via our chosen mode of communication - whether it involves your
gorgeous voice or not. But you're more controlled than I am.
You don't know how much I wish we'd met just two years earlier.
You think that I'm blind - but I know your faults and your darkness, and I
love all of you.
And you don't know that even though I say it's ok, so that you're fine and
feel supported, a lot of times it just aches constantly, and I cry myself to
sleep sometimes.
But I'll always be here.

Confession #1040
(Dawns note: Yes, this is a REAL confession - I verified it with the author)

I met a man in a bar one day, all I wanted was a one night stand of unabashed, hot, nasty, drunken sex with a stranger, I’ve never done that before and now I was in the unique position to do so. We met, we did the deed, I kicked him out in the morning, he said I’ll call you, I said no thanks, this was what it was, he said, okay you call me then.

I called, we met again, it was even better than the last time, we literally went for hours, hot, nasty, naughty sweaty, earth shattering, multiple climaxing, sex. Good lord, what had I gotten myself into.

The third time we met, we actually talked (after more hours of the same as before). We were having a cigarette, I don’t even smoke, but it seemed appropriate. He told me “my ex wife works for so & so”, I said really? What a coincidence my ex husband works for “so & so” too. I asked “her name doesn’t happen to be Jane Doe does it?” He looked at me, “yes, why do you know her”? I was stunned, I turned visibly pale he said. I ran to the bathroom to throw up, laugh, cry, I thought I was going to pass out.

You see, a year ago, my quiet unassuming, wonderful husband of 24 years, came home and announced I’m in love with “Jane Doe” at my work, I’m leaving you for her, it was complete and utter shock, I was not expecting it at all, we were not fighting, he still told me he loved me, we still made love. I filed for divorce, got a good attorney, some good counseling to keep me sane, and we went our separate ways.

Now here I was, with this man, this man who literally rocked my world for the last 3 days and he just happens to be the ex husband of the woman my husband left me for and is currently living with, what the hell happened, how was it that we met, were the stars misaligned? Did God have his back turned? How is it that of all the man I could have picked up on, it just happened to be him??? What are the odds?

He stayed quiet for a bit, then gathered me in his arms, threw his head back and laughed, “I guess I’m going to have to do you better from now on…………

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

True Wife Confessions 103 Species of Crows

Confession #1021

I love you. I really, honestly, truly do. But . . .

The love I feel for you is no where near as strong as the love I feel for me ex. He and I started talking again. And if I'm given the chance, I will leave you for him.

I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair to you.

Confession #1022

If we all get sick with the same cold, how come you always, and I mean every
single time, get it the worst? For years I thought you were just sickly,
but now I think it's in your head. I got a cold and still took care of the
kids all through the night, leaving me with two hours of sleep, still went
to work the next day, hoping to come home to a nap only to have you hand
over the kids and go take one yourself? Because the full night's rest plus
two naps wasn't enough. And now, instead of sleep, I get to watch the kids
so you can do everything you didn't do while you were asleep? I was sick,
too, asshole. I can't help but think that you are just a big, lazy baby.
Suck it up.

Confession #1023

I am sorry I let myself go after having the baby. I hate being fat. I wish I had the sheer will power to be anorexic. When we met I was a size 4, now I'm 20W. It makes me insecure about our relationship and I take out my low self-esteem on you as a defense mechanism.

Confession #1024

I wish you were more ambitious. You are a great
father and husband, but I wish it was as
important to you as it is to me to build a secure
future for us and our children.

Confession #1025

When you fart in my close proximity it TOTALLY turns me off. Think before you fart, I would hate for you to injure yourself trying to squeeze one out just to piss me off. Other than that and the pissing on the floor in the bathroom, you are a keeper.

Confession #1026

I hate you.

I hate you more NOW than I did when I was married to you.

The only reason you are keeping us apart is because we are so much alike and you know it.

You are afraid that I might tell her all of the incredibly mean and malicious things you did to me while we were married and you know she'd leave your ass if she found out about them. And you can't STAND to be alone so you want to keep her as close to you and as far away from me as possible.

That's okay though.

She'll figure out what an ass you are and leave you and THEN???!!! you'll be the one crying instead of me.

Confession #1027

When I've had 4 hours of sleep, and there is still half an hour to go before I have to get out of bed and work harder than anyone I know including you (and you admit it), and you have woken me up to ask for sex, you're not going to like the answer. Stop doing it.

Confession #1028

Have you noticed that every small inconvenience or discomfort you cause me, real or imagined, costs you money? It's quite a nice arrangement, I think, and mutually beneficial. I don't nag. I shop.

Confession #1029

I know you still love her. That's okay. I still love him, too. We'll always keep some love for the people in our pasts and the people we imagined them to be.

But don't tell our friends how much you miss her. Don't ever bring her up to me again. Don't bring it up where it will get back around to me. I've never made you feel like you were my consolation prize. Am I yours?

She's a cunt, she's tried to break us up, she's intruded and inflamed. But that's not why I hate her. I hate her because you don't. I'd never known I was capable of such hate and murderous rage before. I wish she would die.

Confession #1030

When I am trying to sleep, for the love of god do not turn on the TV in the bedroom. I can't sleep when it is on and I do not want to hear a running commentary of what is happening. I get into bed at night to sleep, not to watch TV. If you want to watch it go in the other room. I did not even want it in the bedroom, but like with everything else you whined and pouted until I gave in because I was so sick of arguing with you. Every night I think about taking a pair of scissors and cutting off the cord so you can't use it. Some time after I am sleep deprived enough I might just do it.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

True Wife Confessions 102 River

Confession #1011

Yes, I know I volunteer more than I should. I know I work more than I should. I know that I spend more time on schoolwork than I should. But when I say I'm feeling overwhelmed, what I want you to do is help me out more, not explain to me how to fix it. I don't want you to tell me that I need to stop taking on so many tasks. I KNOW that. I just want you to load the dishwasher, and I'm leading up to that. But before I say, "Could you please load the dishwasher?" you try to tell me how I need to slow down.

I just want you to load the dishwasher. Okay? Not tell me how to fix things.

Confession #1012

To my soon to be ex-husband:
Not only did I get sole custody of our two children, I got all the child support money I asked for, medical reimbursement, and NO visitation from their sorry excuse for a father in the Parenting Plan! You, who said "you'll never take my kids away from me"... I'm glad, now, that you left us with nothing, moved 1200 miles away (back to mommy), and have not contacted us.
When the IRS comes knocking on your dad's door for not paying taxes for the last 10 years or so.... think of me -- he shouldn't be paying your sorry a$$ under the table while your children get nothing!
I can't wait to be rid of you totally! 2007 is my year, baby!

Confession #1013

I hate that you don't brush your teeth or shower everyday
but I love that you always put the toilet seat down.

I hate that you use your eczema as an excuse not to wash up
but I love that you cook dinner 3 times a week.

I hate that I have to nag you to rake the yard
but I love that you always put the garbage out every week.

I hate that you spend hours on the computer
but I love that you always offer it up to me when I'm around.

I hate that you make me ring up to schedule your doctor and dentist
but I love that you will drive me anywhere I need to go.

I hate that your answer to my not wanting to try anal sex was "why? it's
just like having a poop"
but I love what you do to me with your fingers.

I hate that I have to nag at you to dress up for YOUR family get-togethers
but I love your new hair style.

I hate that you leave your coffee cups lying around
but I love that you don't mind when I'm having a lazy day and the housework
isn't done.

I love you
but I am in love with him

Confession #1014

I want all of you, your entire heart, body and soul. We're both so much closer than we have been in years, but there is still a little space between us, and I want to close that last little distance.

I don't want to leave again. I'm scared of the unknown, afraid of all the danger over there, scared of losing you again, scared of ..... just don't know how to say it all.

You are who I want and who I long for when I'm alone. It has to be hard for you to trust that this is all real, and to make yourself open and vulnerable to me, but I hope you will see that I'm trying to be the person I should have been long ago. You and 'that guy' are my family, and that's all I need in life.

Talk with me, help me understand you even more. Trust me. Love me. Be honest with me. Remember me when I'm gone, never forget me if...

Every now and then you relax or forget all the bad stuff and I get to see your heart shining through, and it is so very beautiful, it overwhelms me.

I'm glad I came home.

Confession #1015

When you "babysit" (as you like to call it) our son on the two days a week that I work, could you please, please, please just clean up his toys. When I get home the last thing in the world that I want to worry about is tripping over them. It takes 15 seconds. And another thing, please stop referring to spending time alone with your son as babysitting. How ridiculous would it sound if I went around seven days a week saying I was "babysitting" my own son? Oh, and just one more thing. Our son is teething right now. When you use a teether from the refrigerator, and he is finished with it, when you get a new one out, put the other one back in so that in the morning when I wake up with him and he is screaming because his gums hurt I have something cold to give him to chew on.

Confession #1016

To my ex (boyfriend):

To this day, I don't know what you were thinking. When you came up to
me as a leader at a CHURCH function and said "Hey, cutie, how are
you?" And I was 14. You were 23. I didn't even like you at first,
but with the lack of any fatherly influence in my life, I can now see
how my environment made you more attractive over time. It took a year
for you to kiss me (my first kiss). You called me and said that we
couldn't be together because of the age thing. I said fine. But you
kept coming after me and flirting: touching my waist, winking, giving
kisses on the cheek--all hidden, by necessity. Of course it was
flattering--You were handsome, a college graduate, could buy me things
that boys my age could not. But if I knew then what I know now, I
would have run despite my need for acceptance.

Eventually we hung out all the time, with the same group of friends.
But you thought of ways to be with me alone: driving me home, lying to
everyone else about where we were. And eventually I started doing it
too. I'm still angry at myself for lying for all those years to the
people I loved. I wasted my entire high school experience on you; I
didn't get to be an adolescent. You were wonderful to me sometimes,
but you became more and more pushy and forceful. You nagged and
nagged and begged and whined until I gave in to you one compromise at
a time. Sometimes, when we were messing around, I was still saying no
throughout it. I was trying to be the adult, and do the right thing.
I see now how wrong you were, but then I just felt dirty and guilty
and used. Even when you started being abusive (grabbing me,
occasionally throwing something at me if you were angry, and
commenting about how my size 6 jeans were looking tight and was I
gaining weight?) I thought I had to stay because no one would ever
want me after what you did and said.

I also had anger toward everyone else. Why did my mom and step dad
let you hang around, even staying the night (on the couch) sometimes?
Why did your roommate, a pastor, not ever ask why you had a 16 year old
girl in your room all the time? Why did no one confront me? I
realize now that I so desperately wanted to be caught, to have someone
care enough to stop me. People trusted me too much. In every other
area, I was the "perfect" child, student, friend.

I thank God every day that I finally came to my senses and left you,
and didn't come back when you begged for the next 6 months because
then I was finally 18 and we could be together and be legal. Too
late. I figured out that I deserved way better than you. I think you
figured that out too.

I have moved on and through the years learned to forgive both myself
and you for our wrong decisions. Somedays, though, it's like I'm
still that scared child; I have to shake it off. I hope you don't
treat your wife this way now (she's my age...9 years younger, and you
chose her because she was easy and you finally figured out I wasn't
taking you back). Most of all, I feel sorry that my
wonderful-and-exactly-the-opposite-of-you-husband has had to deal with
my emotional baggage, none of which is his fault.

Confession #1017

I know you were a little surprised that I didn’t want to take your name. I diplomatically explained that it had nothing to do with my level of commitment to you, or any negativity about your name—it was basically a business decision as I’m professionally well known under my own name and I didn’t want to confuse people. Your family was disappointed too but you stuck up for me even though you weren’t completely happy with my decision yourself. Your family has been very respectful of my wishes and I love them for it, and so much else. All in all it went fine, and the only person who can’t get it right is my own grandmother.

So why does it bug me when people make mistakes about it and call me be your last name? You’d think I would be able to gracefully shrug it off, considering I really am proud to be married to you and I love feeling like part of your family in addition to my own.

Some part of me is just still angry that I ever have to have the conversation. That everyone, in this day and age, seeing an independent and professional woman get married, was surprised that I would “refuse” the “honour” of taking your name. What?!?

Why on earth would I take your name? I have my own name. Sure, like a lot of people I got my original last name from my father and not from my mother—but I kept it that way because that’s how I feel about it—I’m a descendant of my father’s family in appearance, temperament, and love, while my mother’s family is weird and awful and if I had somehow been given their name I would have changed it.

Names are powerful. My name is the word that means me. And the bottom line is, the meaning of me has not been changed by marriage to you. Nor should it be.

Confession #1018

You had better appreciate this Brazilian wax and give me some amazing oral, cause this shit HURT.

Confession #1019

I hate that you seem to be incapable of changing
the toilet paper roll. It really isn't that
hard, and you should try it sometime. When I
asked you if you needed me to show you how, I
really wasn't kidding. Change the roll! I
love you, but I absolutely despise sharing a
bathroom with you.

Confession #1020

After I had our baby you pushed for sex as soon as the
OB gave the OK, then you made me feel like shit when
it hurt and I told you my body wasn't ready. You told
me something was wrong and I should go back to the
doctor. Anytime I offered an alternative to sex, you
blew it off, stating it wasn't The Real Thing. You
know what, it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I
was trying to make you happy and trying to keep the
peace. Way to go champ, you made me feel like a piece
of crap during one of the worst parts of my life. As
if adjusting to being a new mom and trying to balance
baby, marriage, and work wasn't enough stress.

Months later you complained that our intimate life
wasn't what it used to be. Never mind that I was
exhausted from being a mom and working full time. You
mentioned how one of your good friends likes it
several times a week. What was I supposed to say? It
hasn't kept her husband from cheating and threatening
her with divorce. Was I supposed to give my blessing
for you to hook up with her since I wasn't cutting it?

When I responded that I still wasn't over the way you
treated me months before, you told me I needed
counseling. Way to kick a girl when she's down. Make
her feel even worse about herself. I told you I
wasn't comfortable with the idea and I didn't know how
we'd find the time and money. That was true. But
there was one more part. I'm afraid if I tell a
counsellor how much anger and resentment toward you I
have buried away, she'll tell me what I've been
wondering all this time: that maybe I'd be happier
without you. I don't want to go there. I don't think
you do either.

Monday, October 23, 2006

True Wife Confessions 101 Dalmations

Confession #1001

It makes me crazy that you don't put on your seatbelt until the
car is in motion. I have mentioned this to you many times, although
I don't want to fight about it. (We have fought about it in the
past, when I was waiting for you to put your seatbelt on so I could
drive, and you were waiting for the car to move to put your seatbelt
on.) You seem to make it into a "No one can tell me what to do!"
situation, and then it turns into a fight. Is is so difficult to put
the seatbelt on before putting the car in gear? When I've discussed
this with you before, you say it's a non-issue to you, so you'll put
the seatbelt on before the car is moving. And then you don't!
Now that we have a toddler who watches everything we do and
imitates it, it is more important than ever to set a good example.
And I am still mad at you for taking him out of his carseat while we
were on the highway. It was over a year ago and it is still a big deal.

Confession #1002

I am so tired of you claiming that you are the only one that cleans in this house. You don't. I have proof of this. While I was away with our toddler while he was in the hospital and my sister was there to watch the baby you did jack shit in the house. You didn't even have to go to work the entire time as your boss was nice enough to let you have time off. So while you were freed from the responsibility of caring for the baby and not visiting us at the hospital all the time what did you do? I can't say for sure but I bet your ass was at the computer desk playing some computer game. I had to wade through piles of junk in the upstairs hall way when I got home. The kitchen stank because you had not done the dishes in forever. All the kid's toys were scattered around the living room.

I married you knowing that you were a slob. I just had no idea that you could become a housework martyr with out actually doing any housecleaning. Shut up and quit demeaning the work that I do for this family.

Confession #1003

Sometimes, even though I don't really believe in fate or soulmates, I think you and I were meant to be together.

How else would can it be explained that the two people on the planet with the most messed-up mothers ended up together?

I ask you.

Confession #1004

I can't believe you broke into and read my journal, used my private thoughts against me (when I never even DID anything), gave me hell and then turned around and tried to act like everything was OK because you knew what you did was wrong. As I've said a thousand times, everything is NOT OK. We are divorcing and there's nothing you can do to stop it. As I said the second you told me you'd read my journal -- I fucking hate you and never want to speak to you again. I'm already divorced in my heart. You did this. Hopefully you also read back far enough to where I used to love you more than anything before you fucked it all up. Loser.

Confession #1005

Why do you insist on leaving cups all over the damn house? Do you think the
cup fairy comes and picks them up? Because she doesn't. Instead, the damn
cat knocks over whatever you had left in the cup. And, dude. Cookies and
milk? What are you, 80?

Confession #1006

Take off your socks when we have sex. It's just weird to leave them on. Do
you have somewhere to go that you need them on? Because white tube socks
aren't exactly making me cream my jeans. Get naked already. All the way

Confession #1007

No, you didn't cheat. But what you did do involved the same sort of trust
issues as cheating. Do I worry about you cheating now? No. Do I think you
have it in you? Yup.

Confession #1008

If I sneak a piece of cheesecake, then don't give me that look. I'm the one
who had to deal with fertility treatments, pregnancy, labor, recovery, and
now a no-dairy diet while I nurse our baby and if I want to sneak a piece of
cheesecake once in three months, then look the other way. I know the baby
is going to spit up a little, but he's not going to die. He's not allergic
to milk, he just has a sensitive tummy. So stick your eyeballs back into
your head - and be grateful that you didn't have to give up comfortable
sleeping positions, bodily functions, drinking, smoking, or orgasms (because
you got ALL of those during and after the pregnancy).

Confession #1009

Yes, we get into bed every night. Yes, I do make the bed every morning.
Yes, you complain every morning that we are just going to get into bed again
that night. After almost a decade together, dearest, you must have figured
out that you have to do things just to make your wife happy. Having a made
bed is one of those things. It's not like I make you make up the bed after
all. So shut the hell up.

Confession #1010

Leaving the laundry in the dryer for days and then piling it on the dresser
does not constitute "doing the laundry." You do the laundry by putting it
in the washer; then, 30 minutes later, you put it in the dryer. After an
hour, you take it out, fold it, and put it away. In a drawer. Or two.
Thank god you are only responsible for your own laundry.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

True Wife Confession 100 tiles in Scrabble

Confession #991

11 years. You and I have been together 11 years. You are my first and only. Why do you treat me so badly? Why do you treat our kids so badly? I realize now that you always have, I was just more willing to overlook it when it was just me. Seriously, to wake me up this morning to yell at me about a coffee filter that was left in a damn coffee pot. Then, to go on about how messy the house is and start swearing at me. It is 5 am. I was up until after midnight with our daughter. I should be able to sleep for 2 more hours, have you no courtesy.
You need to treat me better. You need to have respect for our kids, or they will never respect you. I am ready to leave. I don't want to leave. I would like for us to work. I would like to still love you. After you waking me up to yell at me this morning (again) I think I hate you. You left, and I cried myself back to sleep.
I work too. And I take care of the kids. All I want is some help, and more than 3-5 hours of sleep a night. And don't yell at our son if he doesn't want to watch racing again. He misses you. He sees you only on weekends due to your work schedule. Play with the kid. He loves you so much and you treat him like an inconvenience. All you do is make him watch races and play video games. Actually that is how you interact with our daughter too. Please talk to them. While we are at it, use our names. I am not hey you, he is not buddy and she is not monster. I will ignore you if you don't use my name. I use yours. I hate you calling me dear. because even though you are using an endearment, you usually use it when you are going to complain/yell about something, or make me cry. I have a name. I used to have confidence. I am a completely different person when you are not home. I am a happy person when you are not home.
Please help me to love you again. I don' t want to know that almost half my life will have been a waste.

Confession #992

I'm really scared. I love you a lot. We've been together for a very, very long time. We have a "perfect marriage"-- whatever that means. Why now do you want to bring bestiality into it? Isn't it sexy enough to do it with me? I'm hot!! I'm really, really hot and beautiful and sexy. (Don't worry TWC, I don't brag usually, I'm just stating my argument here). I admit the fantasy of dirty sex is great, but I think fucking a dog is over the line. I just can't bring myself to tell you because I'm afraid you will cheat on me if I don't do it with you. And if I do it with you, I will never forgive myself. Yuck.

Confession #993

One wife to another (kind of):

This latest bullshit is a stupid attention-getting ploy, plus a last-ditch
attempt to romanticize your mediocre life, your mediocre personality, and
your mediocre "marriage." If you're not married after that many years
together, you're not sharing finances , and he's making you pay for all of
your own groceries, you're ROOMMATES.

Stop trying to find someone else to validate your shallow existence, and
start making yourself someone worth being around. Especially, stop trying to
get my husband to come over to your house after work and talk about our
problems. The sympathetic shoulder act is not going to make him fall into
bed with you. He's onto you, and we both think it's sad at best, creepy and
disturbing at worst.

Confession #994

I know you think that no other man out would find me attractive and for a while I believed it too. But guess what, there are other guys out there who want to touch me, even if you don`t. There are other guys out there who want to kiss me with passion, unlike you who barely pecks me on the cheek these days. And yes, on Saturday night I was wearing more make-up than usual because I was going off to meet one of said guys, not some female friends and yes, I did kiss him and no, I don`t have any regrets. If you had shown me one ounce of affection in the past year I might not have been driven to do something that is so totally against my moral code. I hate you for making me into the shell of my real self that I have become. One day I will get out of here and you will realise what you have been taking for granted since we got married. Then again, as you will still have your favourite person around (yourself) you might not even notice.

Confession #995

I'm mad at you for making me go back to work. I don't want to. I'm not ready. I need to be home to cook and clean. I like that. I don't love it. But I like it. I wanted to stay home until our youngest was 2. Well, he is only 11 months. We survive (barely) on your income. Which I don't make a lot of money. I know where all the money goes, and it still seems there is never enough. And the fact I will only be bringing home like $100 a week is pathetic. We will just spend it on going out to eat and on coffee.

You are an amazing husband and father, but sometimes your priorities are a little out of whack.

Confession #996

To my ex-husband:

For 13 years I took care of you, did all the housework, was the breadwinner, and let you do anything you wanted, because that was the way you wanted it. You never once said thank you for everything I did for you. You never once turned on the vacuum cleaner.
Two years ago, you left me for a 22 year old. I was shattered.
Now, two years later, my life is completely turned around, It's all about ME. I have a wonderful man in my life, I have orgasms with this man, I have a great job I love, I'm going to start saving for a house of my own, I've travelled to places I never thought I would see. I finally LOVE MY LIFE! And none of it would have happened if you hadn't been so selfish.
It's too bad the 22 year old turned out to be a psycho who's cut your nuts off, and whom your family can't stand. I don't even hate you two anymore, you're too funny, like a Jackie Collins book.
I don't think things have turned out quite the way you thought they would two years ago, have they? Karma's a bitch.
And stop trying to get back together with me. It's pathetic

Confession #997

Have I told you I hated you?

Confession #998

You ask me about my fantasies, you want me to tell you my deepest desires, but I can't- because they're all about someone else. I love you more than you can know, but this guy- I can't let him go. You think you were my first love, but I think he was... we just never had a chance. I'm happy that I ended up with you, and don't regret our life, but I wonder what it would be like if I'd fought for him, if he'd fought for me.

I'm ashamed that I think these things, but I can't stop. He's in my head daily. And even though I know I would not cheat on you or do anything inappropriate, I have looked him up. I can't and won't pursue him, but I know where he is.

I wish I knew how to let him go.

Confession #999

Checking my email is not ok so why do you do it?

We are not together anymore.

I’m not doing anything wrong or inappropriate.

And even if I was it’s none of your damn business.


Confession #1000

A confession to a wife: You are blowing it. Your husband is out and he is trolling, he is hitting on women, and I am taking him up on it. And don't bother all of you "anonymous" commenters, I know it is wrong, and I don't want to listen to or read your shit, this is my confession. I am sleeping with your husband, and we are both enjoying it. There is no emotional attachment between us, this is pure raw sex. And he doesn't seem the type, shy, quiet, busy with so many things, how does he have time you wonder? For me he makes time. And the shit of it all is, he would rather be with you.

Friday, October 20, 2006

True Wife Confession 99 Luftballoons

Confession #981

If I have to go through another year of doing our taxes together, I just might divorce you. Get your shit in gear. You want the good things that come with being self-employed? Then you have to take the bad, which includes invoicing customers and keeping track of expenses and following the IRS regs. No, you cannot have another extension. Your excuses didn't work with your 3rd grade teacher; they won't work with the IRS.

Grow up and stop procrastinating. I know you don't work as much as you say; any dumbass knows how to look at the computer history. No way you are surfing 100 websites a day but too busy to pay a couple of bills now and then.

Oh, and I don't take you seriously when you have an angry outburst, when you do it for EVERYTHING. When you throw a fit because I forgot to put away a couple groceries and they sat on the counter for awhile, don't expect me to take any of your other fits seriously. And seriously, see a therapist. Because the last one didn't work and it's been awhile. And you're embarrassing me.

Confession #982

I spit in your beer when you are drinking and mean.

Confession #983

Sometimes I go out and you have no idea where I am. usually it is someplace innocent, and I am behaving myself, but not always.

Confession #984

why is it that you feel you have to blame me for things YOU should have taken care of YOURSELF???
YOU should be the one calling the lawyer.
YOU should be the one making sure everything is taken care of.
YOU should be the one worrying about whether or not he's doing his job.

So don't call me telling me it's MY fault that the stupid lawyer didn't send in that money BECAUSE IT"S YOUR FUCKING CASE. I called him when you asked, and he told me it was taken care of. Was I supposed to call him a liar? Was I supposed to give him a lie-detector test? He's a fucking lawyer, he told me it was taken care of and I believed him.

GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS and start handling your own shit, I'm not your mother.

Confession #985

I love you more than anything, but you are a friggin liar.

I know that you have been looking at porn every day. We talked about it a
couple months ago and I told you I had snooped and you said you did it
because you were "bored". It stopped for a while, but now you are back at
it full force. You are going to lose me if you don't get this in check. I
told you how it makes me feel. I feel less of a woman, like there's
something wrong with me. Our sex life is great so I don't know why you feel
the need to look at it all the time.

It would be one thing if the girls on the site were actually pretty but they
are DISGUSTING. How can you look at it for hours at a time. I know you
wait until I go to bed to look at it, so you are sneaking around. Then you
don't come to bed until 1:00 a.m. and wake me up and start snoring and I
can't get any sleep.

I asked you about it again yesterday and you LIED and said you were not
looking at it again. I said, "Please just tell me the truth" and you still
lied. Well, I got on the computer last night and saw that you logged in
yesterday when you should've been at work. I can't believe you flat out
lied to my face. Oh, and I know you have been a member of this site for a
year and a half and I know you have to pay for it, but oh yeah - you lied to
me about that one too. Do you think I'm stupid!? I know more about
computers than you do.

Our marriage is a facade if you can bald-faced lie to me like that. Nothing
I know is true. I can't believe how easy it is for you to lie to me. What
else are you lying about?

All of this is giving me anxiety and insomnia. You ask why I have the
insomnia and I lie and say I don't know because I can't tell you that I have
been snooping on you again because I promised I would never do it to you

I have no idea who you are.

Confession #986

I am angry. I rarely get angry with you. I normally blow almost everything off. I feel bad since I imagine that your parents treated you pretty poorly growing up. Even now, I don't care for the way your Mom and Dad treat you. Your Dad seems to use you – he only contacts us when he needs to drag us out for a dog and pony show. Your Mom is so incredibly critical of you that it makes me angry. But, I am not being treated so meanly. I am criticized from the moment I walk in the door until I go to bed in the evenings. I'm tired of it. I'm well aware that I have quite a few faults. Believe it or not, I pretty much know what they are. You don't have to remind me every day. However, you do as well.

COnfession #987

Babe, I love you. You are the world to me.

I know you work hard. I respect the fact that you work hard. I work hard too (harder than you because not only do I work full-time, I go to school full-time, and I do the vast majority of the child-rearing). I know you respect the fact that I work hard.

However, when you leave me notes saying "We need XYZ" from the store? I want to hit you upside the head with a frying pan.

Your legs are broken now? You are physically unable to DRIVE to the market and purchase these items? Do you have any idea what my life is like between 4pm-Midnight? Seriously?

I love you. I love you so much. But buy the toilet paper your damn self.

Confession #988

I know that you actually like the cat, even when you pretend you don't.

Confession #989

I offer to mow the lawn so that I can get a bit more exercise. You run out while I am mowing to tell me that I am not getting the stripes in the grass the way you want them. YOUR WIFE IS MOWING THE LAWN! I take care of the kids without your help. I clean house, work full-time, keep the pantry stocked, etc… Don't criticize me when I am mowing the lawn. Jerk.

Confession #990

I just want to let you know how often you make me feel like my wants and needs are second. Okay, third, because our child's needs come before mine. But yours seem to come before his, even. You have no qualms about telling people you'll sub in for their sports teams at the last minute, not thinking for a second about if I had something I needed to get done that night, or if that's the only evening you would have had at home with our son for that whole week. You don't hesitate to tell people we'll be somewhere without seeing if I already had something planned. You often will just leave the house on a whim, hollering to me as you're headed to the door that you'll be back in a little bit, you're going to do some favor for someone else or you're running to work real quick to pick something up. Such things usually take hours. I don't expect you to completely wrap your schedule around me, but I'm tired of wrapping my schedule around you. I've been trying to get a library card for months. The library closes before I get home from work, leaving me with Saturday morning as my only option. There has not been one Saturday available for me just to make that quick errand, because you have us planned to the hilt. There's no question you're a fantastic friend, son, brother, cousin. You're even a fantastic husband. You're very generous with giving your time to people. But you're also generous with giving MY time to people, without my say so. I'm getting sick of it. Neither of us have much spare time, since both of us have full time jobs. But when it takes me two weeks of coordination just to get my nails done, or three weeks of planning just to meet a friend for lunch on a weekend, I can't help but resent you and your freedom to just run off to do something (child-free mostly) on a whim. I suppose I let you get away with it, but when I bring it up it brings on a colossal fight.

This same thing applies to how you spend money. It's no problem for you to spend $150 on a weekend with the guys, but you look at me funny if I order $30 worth of books off the Internet. We're tight right now, tighter than we've ever been. I worry about buying groceries every week. Your couple of bucks for beers at your band practice and your twenty bucks for your bowling league and your thirty bucks for weekend money is really hurting us. When I point this out, you fly off the handle and start talking about canceling our phone, and our cable and our everything else. If you would just be a little more reasonable with what's important to spend money on, it would still be tight, but not quite as tight as we are now, and all those cancellations wouldn't be necessary. I love you and will never leave, but you have to know you really take for granted that you can go do whatever you want and I'll always be at your beck and call to either go with you or to be available to keep our son so you can go without him. You really need to be a little more considerate. Family is important, sure, but taking care of the family under your roof is more important than taking care of the family across town who are constantly wanting your time for their errands, house projects, yard sales, and gatherings. I'm sure your sister and parents can get by without you more than you think they can.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

True Wife Confession 98 bottles of Bartles and James wine coolers on the wall

Confession #971

You criticize me constantly - look at last night. You have for 4 almost 5 years. I am so tired, beat down and sad. I am not me anymore but rather an old dishrag that takes care of things so you can go fishing and hang out because you are stressed. I can't do it anymore. You had several years to talk, apologize, etc. You are 41 years old. You have the ability to make decisions about the way you treat me and the kids. You have chosen to treat me like crap.

Confession #972

Dear Husband,

I previously confessed I wouldn't get off the pill until you got off
your ass and helped.

I got off the pill. But purely for selfish reasons. I want another
baby. Me. I don't care if you don't help or not. Why should I deny
myself what I want just because you don't help like you should?

I plan on not telling you until I'm about 3 months along. I want it to
be my little secret. My little baby.

Oh, and I didn't tell you this last time. I met a close friend on
vacation, and we kissed. Matter of fact, we did more than just kiss.
And it was nice. I liked it. I have come thisclose to taking you up on
your offer when you joke about getting a girl to join us. But I don't
want to share her with you. I'd be insanely jealous to see another girl
with you, and I want her all to myself. I'm selfish like that.

I wish I had done a lot more before settling down. There is a lot in
this world that I didn't experience, and I'm afraid I never will due to
the fact that I love you so damn much.

Oh, and stop making so much damn noise in the morning and waking the kid
up. You get to leave, I have to get a cranky child dressed and out the


Confession #973

I love you so much J. You make me so happy and even though life is literally HELL right now, I see that you are concerned and I see that you do care and would do anything for me. Having you there to hold me is exactly what I prayed for for so long and I am so thankful that God finally answered all my prayers... Thank you for always being here for me baby... I love you with everything I am!!!

Confession #974

It kind of disturbs me that all the furniture in our house was mine before we got married 7 years ago. You make really good money and I know we could afford to buy new things. But every time I bring it up, it goes nowhere. There is very little in our house that I did not buy. It makes me wonder how comfortable you are there. Sometimes I think to myself "if he were going to leave, he could pack up his stuff in less than 5 minutes". I should probably be happy that it is all my style, but it still bothers me.

Confession #975

If your mom shows up in the delivery room as she has threatened, I will seriously have hospital security kick her out. I have already alerted them. Get some balls and stand up to her now, or sit back and wait for the fireworks. Also, if you call her before the baby is born, I might have to throw you out of the delivery room too.

Confession #976

You refuse to spend time with our kids by yourself. So, I have to go to the gym at 5am, shower and back at home before they wake up at 6. Everyday when I get back, you complain that I was too loud and the garage door woke you up. You are a selfish as*h*le.

Confession #977

I've never been allowed to paint, wallpaper or even do anything to make our house mine. I have gotten lectured about using the oven, the washer, the bbq grill, and the dishwasher.

I'm sorry that things have come to this, but I can't go around for the rest of my life thinking that I am a terrible person who can do no right. I am broken. You think you are better than I am and I just can't play that game anymore.

Confession #978

I am so proud of you for quitting smoking, I know it was worth the bitchy awful shit we went through to get you free of that drug.

Confession #979

I don't feel comfortable coming back to our house because I have had my behaviors corrected for so many years. I am afraid that you'll follow me around telling me how bad I am. How poorly I feed the kids, how rotten my finances are, how fat I am, how I am not as good as you in general. I should have stood my ground with you years ago. I can't do it. I love you too much to criticize you over the petty crap that I am criticized over.

Confession #980

I resent you. I resent you for a lot of things. I resent myself for staying and not saying anything. I resent myself for letting it get to this point in the first place. Do you really believe me when I tell you The Reason we haven't had sex all these years is that I feel like I'm too fat? No....its because of my pent up resentment towards you. I resent my fear of confrontation. I hate it that I feel so scared to tell you how I really feel. If I had been honest with you from the get-go (and honest to the person I was dating at the time too) I wouldn't be where I am today. There it is...I was dating someone seriously when I started dating you. Why did I accept a date with you in the first place? The other someone lived in a different town and I didn't get to see him that much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you then. I'm sorry I've contributed to the reason why we're in the situation we're in now. Why didn't I listen to my spirit alllll those years ago? There were many "forks in the road" and I could feel each wrong decision/choice I made when I made it and still know today where each one is.

Do you actually like living in this lifeless marriage? You reap what you sow and you haven't sown too much into your relationships...except those with your siblings. One time you told me I "whittled" away your inheritance. Do we have expensive, nice things? No. I wish I could repay you but I cannot. I took our kids and did things, fun things, that you were too busy for or didn't want to go with for one reason or another. I was subconsciously (or not so subconsciously?) compensating for your lack of participation and out of sheer resentment for so many things I had not verbalized. If I "whittled" away your inheritance then I guess I've "whittled" away my own. I used my own inheritance and my money from my stocks and bought furniture & carpet for our home. Here we are, driving vehicles that are 15+ yrs old and you have that stupid vehicle from your youth, in the garage that you refuse to give up.

I don't love you. I'm not attracted to you. Truth be told, there's more about you that annoys me than is endearing. I feel -zip- for you, other than the love for you as a person. More truth, I really don't like going to your family reunions and don't want to go ever again. The main reason I went on vacation with the girls in 2000 is to get out of going to your family reunion. I get nauseous when I think of having to go. I don't trust you with my emotional well-being. You have been non-nurturing to this whole family all these years. You never seemed to really be that into me. It took me 14 years to realize that & attach a definition to it. I thought you would've changed. I had hoped marriage would've changed that. Why did you marry me? Why did I marry you? I've never been unfaithful to you, physically. But, I've had an on-going affair in my head with that previous man for years.

Again, I resent you. I resent myself. I am going to work on getting back Myself. I feel I don't have a good enough reason to divorce're not beating me...but then, on the other hand, don't I deserve to be happy and get my joy back? I'm a daughter of the King and I deserve better than this. I'm a good woman. You deserve better than this. You're a decent man. Our children deserve much better than this. They're great people too. We're both too young to have this be 'it', the "all there is" for the rest of our lives.

(By the way-I know that you look at nasty pictures on the internet when you wake up early every Saturday morning. Internet explorer shows me you do 2 things, every Saturday, without fail: check the bank account and look at stupid girlie pictures. Hello?! Don't you think about the internet explorer history? No wonder we get all those freakin' pop-ups!!!!!!)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

True Wife Confession 97 Lyrics

Confession #961

Sometimes, I'm sad that I'll never really be your Mrs. Usually, it's okay, though. It's sad to me that you think a marriage "always ruins things." I know some really great married couples... And I know we could be one, too. In the end, though, I'd rather have you than a ring. I'm honestly not worried that we'll ever split up.

Confession #962

I love you. I don't love everything about you, but the stuff I don't love, I'm working hard to ignore.

You never close the cabinet doors. You never take the empty toilet paper roll off the holder, you just start a new roll. You're very forgetful. You leave the stove a complete mess after you cook. You don't do the dishes when you say you will, instead waiting 3 or 4 days to do them.

But you keep those cabinets full of food for our family. You clean the bathroom because you know I hate doing it. You bring me home fruit pizza when I'm sick and every night when you get off work, you ask if I need anything. You cook awesome meals using no recipe. You let me sleep late and take care of our daughter, while doing all of the dishes and cleaning the living room.

So who cares? You love me, and our little girl. And I love you both so much that sometimes it hurts. We can get through this, and we will get through this. I'm not giving up on one of the most important people in my life. No way in hell.

Confession #963

Not okay to yell at me when I was in labor for being snippy. You have a baby 2 weeks late with induced labor – then you have the right to lecture me for being snippy.

Confession #964

To my Wife:
You are out of town for the first time in our three plus year relationship. We are both going through separation anxiety. It's really kind-of sweet. When you tell me that you miss me and just didn't realize how much you rely on me for your comfort through my touch, even though you are not a touchy-feely person, well you make my heart melt. You are the love of my life. I can't help but touch you in passing, cuddling you in bed, holding your hand in the car and you let me. You touch me too and I am thankful that after three years you still find me (and my extra weight) attractive and we have amazing sex. You tell me all the time how sexy you find me and how much I turn you on. We have a passion and understanding for each other that I know others search their lives for and never find. Although many people look down on us for the love we share, we will stand strong and love strong and I will love you with every breath I take, until I take no more.
Your Adoring Wife

Confession #965

I wish she would wear that $250 dollar white gold cross necklace you bought her. Just so I could rip it off her neck. She doesn't deserve such a gift from you.

Confession #966

You say that I can’t burn candles anywhere except on the stovetop. Let’s see, I have owned 2 homes of my own before we got married. I have never burned down the house by lighting a candle in the living room when I am in there watching TV. Get a life, man.

Confession #967

Both of your sons adored you, and you neglected them. You had a calling,
but you also had two precious little boys to raise, and how could they not
come first in all things? They still bear the scars you gave them, and the
worst ones haven't even begun to surface, because your addictions killed you
and now there's one more thing that you chose instead of them, and they have
to live with that for the rest of their lives.

I know, I know, it's complicated, addiction always is...and I loved you, and
that makes it even more complicated...but when my husband, the sweetest,
kindest, most loving man in the world, cries because his Mommy's gone, and
he never did get that attention and love that he deserved...sometimes I hope
you really are watching us from the afterlife so you can see what you did to
him. I wish I could make you understand, but you're dead, and I fear you
never would have gotten it even if you'd survived.

Confession #968

The dog needs to be kicked out of our bed when we are having sex. It is not a turn on to me to be licked in the face or on the leg by the dog when we are messing around. YUCK!!!!

Confession #969

When we have sex, I am thinking about my friend instead of you. It is the only way that I can get off. He and I have been having an affair for over 3 years. And I don't feel any guilt about it at all.

Confession #970

I am so happy to have you back.

Two years ago when you had depression, and we didn’t know what was wrong,
you were so miserable and so was I. I knew you needed help, but didn’t know
what to do. You weren’t the man I married. We finally went to the doctor
together and she knew right away what was wrong and gave you medication. The
meds helped and you were so much better in just a few weeks. But you still
weren’t the same.

Now that you have had the surgery for sleep apnea, and you are getting good
sleep for the first time in years – YOU ARE BACK! I am so thankful. In the
past two weeks you have been the man I married. You are funny, you are
sweet, and you joke and play with the kids. And ROMANCE is BACK…Yay!

Friday night, all the kids were out doing their things and you surprised me.
The house was dark, candles all around, soft music playing – what a nice

Welcome home babe!!! I missed you, I love you sooo!

Thank GOD for modern medicine!!!!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

True Wife Confession 96, South Carolina

Confession #951

I offered to take us to Jamaica for our anniversary. I was paying. I found a good deal on the Internet. You insisted that your friend's wife would be able to get a better deal. So, I let you take over the arrangements. Well, our anniversary is coming up and we aren't going anywhere.

Confession #952

Does your wife know that you call me? Does your wife know the emails and pictures you sent me exist? Does she know that when you came home from Iraq that it was me you wanted to see? That we had the chance, and did not meet. That we both stayed faithful, in name, to our marriages? Does she know that if not for your children and mine, you would have come to me? That you still think about me and watch me from afar? And that I watch you, watching me. And how terribly sad all of this makes me?

Confession #953

At times, I wish you'd die. It would be easier on me and the kids than getting a divorce.

Confession #954

I can't believe you had the nerve to ask me what was wrong with me because I've been bitchy lately.

Lets think about this for a minute, ok? We have bills up to the eyeballs and you don't seem to want to help work to pay them off. Five months of doing dick all and now that you have a job, you've only gone there 50% of the time. Seems like you're perfectly happy to have me work my ass off so you can sit on your ass all day. I should be asking what's wrong with YOU!

Confession #955

when you stay in the shower for 27 minutes And I am waiting to get in there, I turn the hot water on in the kitchen and let it run so you will think you have used all the hot water and get out of the damn shower.

Confession #956

When we are supposed to go out on a date, you should not call a college buddy while were on our way out the door. You spent the evening reminiscing with him about how great fraternity life was 20 years ago. I spent the evening dressed up and working on my scrapbooks. Great date night. I can see where I rank in your life.

Confession #957

"I didn't know what to get you so I didn't get you anything" is the most selfish thing I 've every heard regarding my birthday and Valentine's Day present. It isn't what you get someone but rather the acknowledgement.

Confession #958

You are going bald, yes honey I noticed.

Confession #959

Not okay to leave the hospital when I am in labor. You almost missed the birth of our daughter because you left to feed the dog. I called you at home right before I started pushing. I was in labor for less than 8 hours to include the 10 minutes of pushing. The fat, lazy dog could have waited.

Confession #960

A confession to a confessor: Hey Number 747, I am 744, and to you I say "come to the dark side" But be forewarned it is a dark place, lonely sometimes, stressful always, and not one much looked on with love and affection by others. You may find yourself with no one to talk to, and no one who understands, and those who know will judge you.

Monday, October 16, 2006

True Wife Confessions 95 Theses posted by Martin Luther

Confession #941

Dear Husband,
I tell you that my period lasts longer than it does so I don't have to start having sex with you so soon afterwards. I can show affection without you assuming we'll get busy. This also allows me to fall asleep earlier because we are not staying up for sex.

Sure, I am in the mood but I can take care of that quick and effectively with my little friend.

Confession #942

You've hurt me more than I think I can forgive. You cheated on me not once but 2 times. And why? Cause you weren't getting enough? No you did it in a childish attempt to get me back cause I payed some bills late. That's plain out fucked up and I honestly don't know if I love you anymore. I think I stay with you only because I have no way to support myself and our 4 kids. Most likely once they are all out of the house I will leave you.

Confession #943

this morning you got up and let the dog out even though it was my turn to do it. i got to sleep 10 extra minutes. but instead, i just layed in bed and thought about how thankful i was to you for that little favor for those extra 10 minutes. it was a great way to start the day. thank you.

then you sent me beautiful flowers at work. that card said that you were "Thinking of me." Thank you. You have no idea how much that meant to me. i know that you love me. (you say it all the time.) but now, i look over on my desk and i SEE that you love me all day. and that means so much to me. i feel special all day. i feel loved. and safe. and chosen. thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i am a lucky girl.

Confession #944

When you are away on business trips I go through your old stuff in the basement that you have not looked at in years. Quite often, when I am done I have 3 boxes. 1 for goodwill, 1 for the trash and 1 really small box with stuff I put back. If you knew I did this you would be furious, but you have never asked about anything that I have removed. Ever.

Confession #945

I am finally beginning to love you again.

Confession #946

Remember that time we and those other people went camping for the weekend. Remember the other couple fighting? Remember how I wanted to leave because I was so miserable. And how our other friend was going to give me a ride home since you didn't want to leave. The only reason I didn't is cause I knew what would have happened. I've wanted that friend for a long time but have never acted on it. I know we would have had sex. That man showed me more compassion that day than you had in a LONG time. When I got extremely scared of something almost to the point of a panic attack and was bawling who was holding me comforting me? You should have been but it was HIM. You were making fun of me for crying and HE was the one consoling me. He truly cared you were just being an insensitive ass.

And the kicker is I wish I would have let him take me home. I regret all the time that I didn't. And now that he isn't with anyone, well I thought about doing it anyways. He and I have always had mutual feelings for each other.

Confession #947

The kids are yours. I know you work with some lovely people (sarcasm) who said that I am a wh*re. I am not. It hurts that you'd believe the lovely ladies that you work with over me. The kids are yours. We tried together for 7 months to have our daughter. On the ride to the hospital to have our son, you again, accused me of cheating and said some really rude things. You did the same thing when we had our daughter. I have never cheated on you. However, keep pushing and I will. You want me to forgive you for saying those things. To me, however, those are the most hurtful things someone could say to me. I will never forget. They are always lying in the back of my mind.

Confession #948

I bought my first car on my own recently. I was tickled pick. It is a really nice Mom-mobile. You couldn't just let me enjoy it for a few days. On the way home, you began to criticize me for the interest rate I got. You began to pick apart the car and tell me I got ripped off. Let me enjoy my new car. You, my husband, wouldn't co-sign or help me negotiate. So, back off buster.

Confession #949

I knew that something was going on when you came home from your last deployment. I found the calling card, I tracked down the numbers, I knew her name. I still have the numbers. I am not the fool you took me for. I know that you have not had any contact with her for over a year and that what contact you had was not physical but I am still mother fucking pissed.

Now that I do know the truth (and after much insistance) all the details about your 'special friend', I am not sure I want to leave. I can be big enough to realize that I wasn't always the wife I should have been or the wife you deserved. Doesn't make it right. However, it would behoove you to understand that if you ever fuck with my emotions or the emotions or our children again I will never look back.

Confession #950

I would never, ever cheat on you, but I hope someday to get to fuck a thin man. Your weight loss surgery can't come quick enough because you're the thin man I want.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

True Wife Confessions 94, Haydens Surprise symphony

Confession #931

I know why you won't move us back home. You know that if I get within driving distance of my family that I will leave you. And you are right.

Confession #932

The kids and I moved out and you didn’t notice. You called me at work 3 days later to see if you could deploy someplace tropical. You needed someone to watch the stupid dog. We were sleeping on our friends’ floors until we could save up enough money to get an apartment. You are more concerned about the stupid dog’s welfare than you are about me and the kids.

Confession #934

Why is it okay for you to spend $1000 a payday gambling and then lecture me on why I ran short of money this payday. You make more money than I do. I am responsible for everything but the house payment - even the kids Birthday and Christmas presents. At your insistence we have separate accounts. That is fine, if the bills are divided more equally. But, they aren’t. So, your kids suffer because you are a selfish person.

Confession #935

I have to confess -- I don't miss the sex at all. You weren't very good anyway. I haven't initiated anything during the past year for precisely that reason. And you haven't, either, so you must feel the same way. What a relief to be done with that. No more sex with you ever again. Yahoo!

Confession #936

Okay, so you didn’t like the dinner that I made tonight. Stuffed cabbage isn’t so bad. It is not okay to leave as I’m putting dinner on the table and go out to dinner by yourself.

Confession #937

finally somehere, i can finally get this off my chest. I really hate you, i never really loved you, you were my way out. After all this time i have hated every time you have touched, kissed me, caressed me. and finally when i find someone who wants me you will not let me go. you already now i can't stand why continue with this.

Confession #938

Let me start by saying that I have guilt over this and am not proud of it at all. That being said:

Last year when you were in the hospital and the doctors thought that you might die, all I could think about was finally being able to live my own life without you and how wonderful it would be. I thought about how I would spend the life insurance, how quickly I could sell the house and move, and what I would do with all of your things. Then you got better. There was a small part of me that was really pissed off at you for that. I don't hate you, but I know that if I tried to leave that you would make my life as much like hell as you could because it would wound your pride for me to leave.

The thoughts just keep coming back every time you get sick now. And I really hate myself for thinking it.

Confession #939

“You aren’t my Mom” is not the right answer for Mother’s Day presents. You, as our kids Dad, should help the kids make a card for me or help them buy a $5 bouquet of flowers. You had money enough to buy yourself a nice pair of tennis shoes, but not enough to buy a card and have the kids sign it. Oh yeah – you don’t buy your Mom a present or a card. Can’t use that as an excuse.

Confession #940

If you ask me to do something - I am all over it - Done! If I ask you to do something around the house that we both benefit from - why don't you just get it over with? It snowed! Take the air conditioner out of the window! Don't ask me to not leave you reminder notes. Notes work more often than not and I am getting so tired of you saying "I will!", but don't.