Monday, August 14, 2006

True Wife Confession 46 peaks of the Adirondak mountain range

Confession #451

I'm tired of feeling like the "assumed parent". Just because I stay at home with our daughter doesn't mean that I do nothing all day. When you come home from work, I am still the one that has to feed her, bathe her, and put her to bed. God forbid you actually step in and DO SOMETHING without me having to beg you. I know you love her and I'm glad you are able to support us, but please just give me a break from time to time. Being a stay-at-home-mom is a job too, you know.

Confession #452

Darling, even though you frequently forget to do what I ask you to do, so
that I have to nag, and even though you don't always follow through on your
promises (still no driver's license, eh?), the past three weeks have
reminded me why I love you. You were so wonderful throughout my dear
friend's sickness and death, you were so amazing with everything about
buying the new house. You have held me close when I was down and held my
hand through all the fear and worries. You do so much every day to make me
happy, and you are a wonderful man. I missed you so much while you were
gone and it made me so happy to be with you again. I love you so much, and
I know that I don't always appreciate you like I should - I'll try harder.


Confession #453

Ok- I might NOT be your wife (thank GOODNESS for that!), but I am your one and ONLY employee and I see you EVERYDAY so it's kinda like I'm sickly married to you. When you come downstairs CHEWING in my ear, breathing over me, just STARING at me on HOLD with an insurance company, it IRRITATES me and I want to SLAP you. The fact that I'm 24 years old with a bachelors degree and will have my masters in DEC. and I've been here for SIX years AND I run your business AND if I left you couldnt even train anyone because you dont know what youre doing AND you pay me $10 an HOUR and you EXPECT me to make phone calls to insurance companys for money so YOU can be richer? YEA OK....I "pretend" I am making calls because I can hear when you're coming down the stairs so I just hit redial and pretend I am on "hold" so you can stare at me. You want to be CHEAP with me? I'll be CHEAP with you -- I feel REALLY lucky that I am NOT your wife, although she pisses me the fuck off too with her fucking nose in the air like shes Princess Diana...I can't wait to leave next month...oh, and I wrote this email WHILE I am on you're time..I AM a good worker but not when you screw me!

Confession #454

I just really want my own wife. Not for the sex, although that could probably be fun. I want to come home to a clean house. I want the laundry to be done and folded. I want the dishes to magically clear off the table and that the kitchen is clean at night. Coffee done at night, sheets changed, clothes picked up...
I love you dear husband, but why the fuck can't you clean up after yourself? Once a month just because cause you thought I needed the help does.not.cut.it. In fact, it pisses me off and you wonder why I act so ugly when you say it so sweetly. AUGH. I can almost handle cleaning up after the kids by myself, but damn, man, can you not wipe your bathroom floor to remove the nastiness that you put there?

I work - yes my job is easy and pays really well, but I also do 90% of the childcare and 90% of the cooking and cleaning. You cutting the grass doesn't compare. Where is my maid? And wait, why is the wife the defacto maid? Now I'm completely pissed off!

Confession #455

I do not feel worthy to be your wife. We have everything we need and want.
You treat me like a queen. You are a fabulous husband and father I couldnt
ask for more. After work, you come down and see the kids, clean up the
kitchen, living room, and still wash the dishes after dinner. I often feel
frustrated as I am not up to your standards of what a wife should be or do.
I am trying to get better with cleaning things up the way you would want
them to be done. Please be patient with me, I am trying. I love you.

Confession #456

You just don't get it. Even after two decades together.
When I'm mad, upset, ranting out of control, do NOT look at me like I'm some bitch from hell and never walk away. All you need to do is wrap me in your arms, hold me tight, kiss the top of my head and say "it'll be all right" or say nothing at all. I melt. My mood is instantly better. Don't underestimate the power of touch.

Confession #457

dear husband,

to me you are perfection. your walk, your smile, your eyes, your everything is perfection.
I just wish I wasnt so imperfect, then maybe, just maybe I could feel better about myself
and better about loving you

Confession #458

I swear. to. god. if you piss on the floor by the toilet one more time I'm going to scream! Why is it so hard for you to hit the toilet? I understand that at night it is hard to see where you are aiming but doesn't piss hitting water and piss hitting tile sound different? I call bullshit when you say you don't know when you are doing it. Have some common fucking courtesy to WIPE IT UP when you are done. GOD!

Confession #459

I love you more than life itself. Everyday I am thankful that you have stuck by me through thick and thin. But one day, I fear you'll see through me and you'll walk out the door. And that will be the day that I die. Until then, I am going to hold on as tight as I can.

Confession #460

You trust me too much. You don't have a problem with me going out without
you or staying out late with my guy friends. You don't mind the very deep
friendship that I have with my closest male friend. You never begrudge me a
night out and never seem to get jealous. It would be so easy for me to have
an affair. And I have thought about it on more than one occasion. But I
never do. I expect that it is your undying trust that keeps me trustworthy.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

TRUE WIFE CONFESSIONS 44 Magnum
posted by Dawn at 12:26 PM 14 Comment

Friday, August 11, 2006

I do not understand why my comment was deleted. I type slowly so my comments and confessions took me the better part of the day, a precious weekend day, to confess my deep, dark secrets in a G-rated manner. I did ask that it be moved to the confession section (as the e-mail pop up option was not working), but if that option was not possible, it was insult added to injury to have the following happen. At the very least, I feel the confession should have remained in the comment section as it applied to several confessions tn THREAD 44. I had (wrongly??) assumed that this site did indeed allow for confessions. I did just that in my comment, which was sparked (in that thread) by confessions 445 and 449. I am wounded at what happened and no longer quite believe that these are "true" confessions given the fact that mine was not allowed to remain, nor did it appear in a confession thread, nor was an explanation ever given. I feel like I was (am) in a special education class and also penalized for being disabled.

PASTE:

Comment Deleted
This post has been removed by the blog administrator.

12:46 PM

(from Thread 44 at 12.46 PM)

WHY?

Anonymous said...

It takes a long time for your confession to show up in a post. There are so many people sending them in, it's not going to show up the next day. Since you wrote it in the comments she probably deleted to put it in an upcoming post.

Anonymous said...

Just so u know, mine didn't pop up on this site for about 3 weeks. Give it a chance.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what happened 11:17, she had to delete your post from comments to put it under confessions and this takes a couple days I am sure. Nobody is invalidating your confession or punishing you for typing slow. We are not like that here (most of us anyway). Please don't take offense. I am positive that your confession was put at the end of the line waiting for its turn.

Anonymous said...

Now, now. It'll be your turn to bitch about your worthless husband soon enough.

What once was a great thing is turning into Bitchfest 2006. It is not any fun anymore, and I am sorry I sent in a real confession to be accompanied by why you hate your husband for leaving a shit streak on the seat and not picking up his socks.

I am totally a fan, and this is my first time commenting, but wanted to say maybe it is time to start culling the confessions. Maybe temper the bitching and moaning with something of substance.

Flame away.

Anonymous said...

I hate to contribute to what I am sure will turn into a "If you can't be supportive, go F yourself" line of comments, but I agree with 2:10. This really has turned into Bitchfest 2006. These aren't confessions, they are just complaints.

Anonymous said...

"Bitching and moaning?"
Isn't that what this site is for? Getting all that stuff off our chests?
Frankly, I'm sick of all the lovey-dovey confessions. Saying how great your husband is isn't a confession. It's bragging.

Anonymous said...

here we go again......

Anonymous said...

um, let me get this straight, 3:03. women who are happy aren't allowed to celebrate that? are you serious? i've never posted here, but i enjoy reading the "lovey-dovey" posts that apparently piss you off. they are few and far between. it's sad, actually, that happiness is something that you see as bragging, rather than something that should be celebrated. at the rate things are going on this site, it IS a true confession to actually say "i love my husband, he's done this that and the other thing to make me happy" instead of "i hate you and i'm leaving you." this site is supposed to be an open space where everyone should feel free to post WHATEVER they need to, right? so why can't we sympathize with those who are struggling and be happy for those who aren't?

Anonymous said...

some people's children..........

Anonymous said...

If you don't like the "bitching and moaning", as you call it.....THEN JUST DON"T COME HERE JEN! OH... I MEAN KEVIN! What you don't seem to understand is that whoever you are we all know you are the same persons or people because you have the same writing voice, same attitude and you "BITCH AND MOAN" constantly about the same thing. The internet is a big, big, big place....Go Somewhere Else! Let's go over this again, a self confession or avowal is any thought or feeling you want to express, whether it be secret, anonymous or any other way. It means that these are not confessions that a priest would hear, but are confessions of the soul. That is any way one feels or thinks or does and they want to express is secretively....which is what this sight is for.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 2:10 is a liar! Ha, first time you posted huh! LIAR!!!

Dawn said...

First Anon Poster- I took your comment down to be included in chapter 57 - I am sorry if you misconstrued it as a judgement of your confession, as it was not. I simply wanted it to go in the next available chapter, as was it's right. In fact, I assumed you knew that I would do this, so I am sorry for the misunderstanding.

Numbah 2:

I take all confessions as they come. If you notice ( and oddly I do) they follow a fairly circular pattern. I can almost tell you when the full moon is coming, so we get a group of raw confessions, followed by sweet confessions.

I have been and remain hesitant to cull or otherwise change the tone or the order of the confessions. While I suppose I "own" the blog, it is in my mind, a creature of you - the readers and contributers. I see it as mirroring the ups and downs of a marriage. for example, this morning I LOVED my husband. By this afternoon, I was ready to shank him.

Both sides of the same coin.

melissa said...

i was afraid, when i first heard of this website, that it would make me fear marriage or hate men.

instead, it has made me hate women.

where are the women with strength? with pride? with friends? with confidence? that don't put up with abuse? that don't sit idly by and run a family for a husband that makes them miserable? that have financial or at least emotional backups for when their husbands fail?

i understand not EVERY woman on this site is pathetic or weak or sad. some are strong and funny or just having a less-than-ideal moment in their marriage.

but some need to RUN and realize that their marriage might not be worth fighting for... but THEY are.

Anonymous said...

Melissa - While I can see on some small points what you are attempting to get across, you are not looking at the this picture called life with careful scrutiny or understanding. I can only assume from your honest but naive post, that not only are you single but you are not a mother. And while not EVERY single woman who posts here is, becoming a mother changes EVERYTHING. You lose your right to decide only for your own best interest, without regard for others. You lose your right to act (or react)impulsively. You lose your right to shoot first and ask questions later. You lose your right to stop thinking, in general. Becoming a mother has made me have to do alot of things differently than when I was single. For instance, my style of fighting. Before, I had a smart comeback and answer for anything that would come out his mouth. And G-d help him if he ever tried to disrespect me in any way, shape or form. Now, I have to think about the fact that i have a 21 month-old child sitting there next to us at the table, and have to swallow my words and wait to let him have it after the baby goes to bed. Unfortunately, I am married to someone who doesnt always put his mouth in check before putting his brain in gear. So it sucks to be the only one to realize and swallow some pride for the moment. But someone's gotta be the adult. This is just a small example of what some marriages have to deal with. I'm sure I'm not the only one when I say that having a child brings out the true colors in a spouse and your relationship. But you don't always know what you're getting into until after you have a child. Either you work well as a team, or you don't. But because marriage has alot of gray areas, you have to weigh out what final decision is in not just your own best interest, but your children's. Like "Gee, he can be a real asshole but at the same time a decent dad." (Obviously there are exceptions to that rule, like physical abuse, etc. where it is in the best interest of the kids to leave him). Alot of resentment or selfishness may come up, or whatever else. I cannot speak for anyone else, but marriage is not as black and white as you would like to think. There are plenty of strong women out here that are actually holding on to whatever is left of their dear lives because of extending circumstances, be it for their kids, or whatever... and THAT, my dear, is what I call TRUE STRENGTH.

melissa said...

thank you anon. and you're right on about my position in life - young, w/out children, and yes - naive when it comes to this area.

and i don't doubt that if and when i marry a great father, and have children with him, whether i work or stay home, that i will have MANY days that spark confessions such as these. but reading back through the days, not all women speak as you do... not everything is a confident, intelligent, sacrifice for their children/families. i too believe in picking one's battles and weighing the good over the bad.

BUT - despite the stresses of marriage i have yet to experience, no one will ever convince me that being in a physically abusive, cheating, unloving, or unattentive relationship is a sacrifice for a child. i, in my humble and naive opinion, think it's selfish.

a REAL sacrifice for your children (and for your sanity) would be leaving, raising them in a healthy home by a strong woman with self esteem... even if that means single and struggling.

anon ... you sound like a woman that makes conscious decisions to steer your life in the best direction possible. but on this page, i hear a lot of sadness, and a lot of laying down and taking it. i just hope that for some, this page is the first step to putting their foot down...

melissa said...

and sorry - i just read more carefully and saw your parenthetical about abuse. sounds like we're on the same page!

i DO appreciate the moms that put up with/hide the occasional b.s. for their kids.

i just hope they stay good role models for them at the same time.

Anonymous said...

listen, little girl, Melissa. One day, you will have to abandon this perfect world thinking when you grow up and join the real world. Marriage is work, it's not all peaches and roses. Life is not what you think it will be when you are young. If someone started hurting you, how willing would you be to give up your whole life, lose your home, your possessions, possibly your children to be true to that ideal you fostered about yourself since you were young. You don't get it that abuse clouds your judgement, it's like living through a warzone. And that the most dangerous time for a women living under domestic violence is the separation period when she finally leaves. Leaving takes alot of courage and bravery. But that doesn't mean we should belittle the ones who can't leave. Maybe they weren't born with all the options and opportunity you were. If you had no place to go, no job, no money, how easy would it be for you to leave an abusive situation?

Anonymous said...

Obviously, SOMEONE likes this website. Look at all the confessions Dawn gets per day. I'm sure her stats reveal extremely high numbers as well.

To the complainers, if you don't like it, start your own damn website. You go through the trouble of setting up a site, doing the graphics, promoting the site all over the internet, getting people to take it seriously and participate, sorting through the hundreds of submissions in your email, formatting them on the site's template, and publishing the content. Then check for errors and monitor the comments for spam, questions, or trolls. Do that daily. And then maybe your opinion would count.

You don't pay to come here. You're obviously unhappy with the content. The smart choice would be to go elsewhere or start a site that better suits your needs.

Unless you can't handle the amount of work involved?

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

Thx for explaining. I think "Chapter 57' should satisfy all sides of the fence on men and women. LOL. God help us all.

Anon #1

Anonymous said...

3:52:

I'm 3:03...Um, yeah... I don't think my comment means I'm some joyless harpy who hates happy people...I just think the "juicy" confessions are more fun to read. Besides, the point of the site is for wives to confess things they have a hard time telling their husbands...I don't think anyone is afraid of hurting or offending someone if they tell them they love them.

Anonymous said...

Well, there you go thinking again 12:09, just leave this site alone and go troll somewhere else. Or hey, just read the juicy ones and you won't have anything to BITCH AND MOAN about.

Anonymous said...

Wow, hostile! You can't be one of the lovey-dovey types, with that much hostility.

melissa said...

3:20 - there are exceptions to every rule, i admit.

there are women in loving, wonderful relationships, that have children, and find their husbands to become suprisingly abusive, and in this case - i understand the emotional, financial, and personal difficulties of seperation. there are extreme cases in which one cannot leave immediately. all i am trying to say is that i HOPE that this is a first step to reaching out, getting financially stable, and creating a better environment for yourself and your children than getting walked all over.

i understand the difficulties of the situation you've stated. but i will make SURE, as i hope MORE do, that when i marry, BEFORE i have children, i will not be jobless, moneyless, and without a place to go should an unusual situation arise. and if i am caught, a decade later, having been a stay at home mom and facing a husband that has had a sociopathic flip overnight, at the very least, i will TRY to stand up for myself and my family.

all i was saying is that some of these messages sound so pathetic, filled with so much sadness and so little hope or will, that it really surprised me. maybe it is judging, but i refuse to glorify someone for being "stuck," life IS what you make it - even if it's HARD, TEDIOUS, PAINFUL or seemingly impossible to get there. i might be young and jaded, but i will NEVER roll over and play dead while my husband demeans me, berates me, cheats on me, and ignores my children. children come 1st, and maybe i'm still naive enough to believe that they CAN tell when a mother is unhappy,and poorly treated. and maybe i'm still jaded enough to think that months in a women's shelter or a tiny apartment is better than a lifetime of unhappy unhealthy parents.


i don't feel sorry for these women (the VERY specific few i'm speaking of), i resent them for acting like it's their only option. and THAT, is my confession.

Anonymous said...

Hey 12:21 ,

I agree with 12:38. What's your problem? Someone has a different opinion than you and you go postal?
Let me guess. You are a passive-aggressive mouse, seething with repressed rage, which you let loose in the anonymity of the internet. Nice.

Anonymous said...

How is telling someone to quit bitching hostile? Quit bitching about peoples confessions. If you don't like them, don't read them. And everyone is pretty much anonymous here. So what is your point? There were several other anonymous comments here that sound way more hostile than mine at 12:21.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you just quit bitching and go take another Xanax. Sounds like the last dose is wearing off.

Anonymous said...

Hi Melissa, 10:57 here (original responder): I know what you are trying to say,and your sense of general empathy and hope to those saddened souls you mention is well understood as well. I know you mean well. What I think you don't realize (yet)is that life can definitely take you down a path and bring to a place that you'd never thought you'd be in a zillion years. Whether its a stay at home mom or a working mom, or a co-dependent wife, etc. Thankfully, I am not one of those women who are in those worst-case scenarios that you are referring to, but I have come to slowly understand that when you are that deep in shit, and you don't have any loved ones or family nearby or at all, you don't see what lies outside of your current life. Or, worse, you are afraid that he may come after you and your kids and do something horrible. These woman live in fear and don;t have the support or strength (or possible enough insight from the aforementioned) to know what to do next. they just know how to survive - for themselves and their childrens' sakes. You are right, it is awful and sad. And yes, it would be better to live hand to mouth than to take abuse. But it is a reality. Maybe your resent is really just misplaced frustration for them. But don't hate. Just count your blessings. Learn from others'. Don't go into a relationship thinking even a small part of him will change. And always keep your eyes open to the truth.

Anonymous said...

Melissa, this is not the place for you. These women don't need your judgement, pity or "good intentions." Have you read Dawn's FAQ's about staying out of the sacred space. You just don't get it and until you grow up a little and experience life a bit more you won't get it. The lines between right and wrong, good and evil become more gray and not so either/or. Come back when you have been "there." Also, this site is not for you to get your kicks off of. It's not for you at all. It's for us, to say what we can't say to anyone else. I urge you to read Dawn's mission statement and take something from it.

Anonymous said...

melissa, Are you going to stand up to a man holding a knife to your throat, or a gun to your head? Or are you going to do whatever you have to survive? Because honey, I'm telling you right now, if you say the wrong thing to a psycho who is enraged you would be dead. And then your children would be with him forever. With no one to protect them. Don't talk shit about what you would do when, when you don't know shit about what it's like.

kathryn said...

a little about me - i'm a wife and a mother. and, i work in a battered women's shelter and have worked on a crisis line as well for about 6 years. does this leave me feeling like i know everything and have all the answers? hell no. if anything, it's made me realize that there is always a story you haven't heard and a situation that comes up that you've never dealt with before. BUT, in the meantime, i do know this - it's damned hard to leave a relationship that you thought was based on love, if there is physical abuse or not. and some of the commenters are defintiely correct in saying that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she actually tries to leave - sometimes, it's easier to stay with the "known" than dealing with the unknown. this does not mean she is weak or pathetic; more often than not, this means that she is fighting for her life and her children's lives (if she has any) in the best way she knows possible. there is PLENTY of information available on abuse, the cycles of abuse, etc. so i'm not going to go into it all now. having said all of this, i'd also like to say -
give melissa a break. first of all, i applaud the fact that, even if it's not her real name, at least she gave a name - considering all the anonymity going around (which, don't get me wrong, i understand this too), it's nice to occasionally be able to respond to a name. secondly, she admits her youth and naivete - why then beat her up about it? i was young and very idealistic once and if anything, listening to people tell me that i should go somewhere else because i couldn't possibly know what i was talking about only made me that much more frustrated with the very people i was trying to understand. so, melissa, stick around. keep reading the posters and the commenters.

last thing - it's amazing to me how many people will fight for others to have the right to post what they want but when someone simply states an opinion on a post, they want to judge THAT person and fight with them over their opinion. give it a rest. so some people are tired of the the tone of some of the confessions. so what? why do you care? why does that make some of you so freakin' angry? if they continue to be tired of the tone, then they'll move on; they don't need you to tell them to do it. if anything, you fighting with them and telling them that their feelings are somehow wrong is only making the whole thing worse - for them and you. i don't think melissa is the one who needs to "grow up" to be on this site, but i definitely think some others do. . .