Monday, August 22, 2011

True Wife Confessions 40 oz of whoop ass

Confession #391

It was ME who keyed your car door after the concert when you were acting like a prick.

Confession #392

I'm pretty sure that you love me more than I love you. I don't really feel any kind of passion for you anymore. Beyond the usual doses of typical marital annoyances, I do feel deep friendship, fierce loyalty, unending devotion and the utmost admiration. I hope these are enough to get me through the next sixty years, because I really want to see how this thing turns out.

Confession #393

I love you. You knew I was falling in love with you all the while. I told you. But then, before you left, you acted all shocked, and told me you didn't want that to happen. That you didn't feel that way about me. But then you stayed here for another 3 days before you had to go. I don't understand why, if you KNEW ALL ALONG WHY YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT SOONER. And don't use going to war as an excuse. Bullshit.

Confession #394

I hate that you are an alcoholic. I hate that you
won't get help. I hate that you pee some nights in
bed. I hate that our kids know there is a problem. I
hate that my small son knows the word "drunk". I hate
that you blare your music so loud we wake up. I hate
the way you talk to me while drinking. I hate when
you try to grope me when you are totally smashed. I
hate beer cans and cigarette butts left on our lawn.
I hate feeling embarrassed because of you. I hate
when you ruin my plans by drinking. I hate going out
with you because I feel like I can't enjoy myself
100%. I hate being so darn weak that I stay with you.
Most of all I hate that you know all of this and
don't seem to care.

Confession #395

I hated you even more today than I thought I have in a long time. You drove like a fucking maniac, weaving in and out of traffic in the city and then on the parkway, with the road all slick from the rain, WITH OUR 19-MONTH OLD IN THE BACK. I begged. I pleaded for you to slow down, remember that your son is in the back. You barked at me like a fucking animal. You bullied me with your driving. The part of the ride where we stopped talking, when I was staring out of the window looking at the lights...I was trying to convince myself that I really could divorce you and financially survive. That no matter how much a son needs his father, he needs to grow up in a happy and healthy environment too. I was realizing that I can leave your lowlife ass and I will survive, and me and my son will make it. My family puts up with you, but trust me, my mom would be dancing in the streets if I told her I was leaving you, you piece of shit. Your family never taught you any respect for anyone but yourself. Hope that right hand falls off. You don't deserve us. Loser.

Confession #396

I have been lying to you about money to get back at you for not loving me, for blaming your lack of desire for me on me being fat, and for spending more time in front of the computer playing online poker and looking at perverted porn. And now that it's coming to a head, I can't wait to get caught because then you will either wake up to what's wrong with our marriage or let me out.

Confession #397

I am dying to cheat on you. If it's okay for you to do it, it's okay for me to do it. If you don't value our marriage, why the hell should I? How stupid do you think I am? "I can't wait to kiss you, love [you]" found in your inbox and you claim your email account was hacked into? I'm only glad I forwarded all of them to myself so I you can't deny they were there. I was pregnant with your second child, for God's sake. I will NEVER forgive you for that, and of course I don't trust you. Give me a reason to do so and I will. Until then I can't.

Confession #398

Nothing could ever split us up, but there are a few things that are pissing me off. Take for example your constant guilt trips. I don't need them. I'm aware that you are a great husband, and that you are allways doing what I want to do and constantly entertain me. But that doesn't mean I have to pay you back in sex every 12 hours. I have a life! You, apparently, do not, and that is your business not mine.

And one more thing... Stop bugging me about having a baby! Me and you aren't the type of people that should procreate! We're selfish bastards! You don't know the first thing about babies, you only want one so that it might mold me into the 'perfect wife/mother'. News flash: not the right reason to have children!

Confession #399

sweetie, I love you. but would you put your goddamn dirty socks in a hamper instead of leaving them on the floor wherever you took them off? it's embarassing when people come over. it's not like I don't have five hampers going at any given time. learn to use them.

also. when I come to your work to pick you up. why cannot you get your ass out to meet me when I am actually driving up? no matter what I do, you STILL wait until you see the car parked in front of your office building before you stop doing what you are doing, ride down fifteen floors and come outside to meet me. you say you don't want to be left waiting--but it's OK to leave *me* waiting for *you* with two screaming kids in the car? wtf! your time is more important than ours? fuck that.

Confession #400

Yes, I'd love to have another baby too. I have room for more than one in my heart.

Unfortunately, I don't have room in my day for another child. I do at least 95% of the care for our current one together. I'm sure you'd love to have another baby. Considering that I'd go insane though, maybe it's not the best idea. I can't be a full time mom, full time employee, full time wife, and part time stepmom to anyone else.

Sorry. Step up to the plate and maybe one day I'd consider it. Until then, no I won't stop taking the birth control.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

True Wife Confession 324 sleepless moments

Confession# 3241

Arrrggh! You really piss me off.

You got new hours at work a year ago, the 1pm-10pm shift, supposedly so we both would have days we got to sleep in and so you could help take care of our kid in the morning. This has proved to be complete bullshit. YOU sleep in 90% of the time. I'm up at all hours with the kid, and you sleep.

The kid wakes up in the night and calls for us loudly over the monitor. You don't move. Don't so much as twitch. So I end up getting up with her a few nights a week, sometimes I end up staying up for HOURS because she won't go back to sleep, and you STILL don't get the fuck up with her in the morning and let me recuperate.

This weekend I got up with her both mornings. You apologized for not giving me a day to sleep in. Last night, she woke up at 4:30am and didn't go back to sleep at all. When she came into our room at 6, you didn't move. Guess who got up with her yet again. Have I mentioned I'm two months pregnant?

You always apologize. "Oh, I meant to get up with her today." Actions speak louder than words. My favorite is when you add, "Why didn't you wake me up?" I AM NOT YOUR KEEPER. You're 41 years old. Act like it.

Seriously. You're fucking lazy and I'm sick and tired of it. This child isn't only mine. Get the fuck out of bed and take care of her once in a goddamn while. And you wonder why I want to take a weekend away from you and she both (and for the record, I never have, not in the 3 years she has been on this earth)...I'd LOVE to fucking SLEEP FOR ONCE. You will NOT be getting away with this shit when baby #2 arrives in February.

Confession #3242

So you and I have been apart for four months now... again. I am so sick of being the on-again, off-again couple that everyone hates to hear about. I could have messed up early and married you as I wanted to but my Dad saved me from that.. thank goodness for caring parents who know more than kids. You told me something today that I had been expecting to hear: "I want you." You also said, "I love you." My heart aches for you because I know you are not strong. You need someone to make you feel whole. I am moving on and I am seeing things more clearly than ever. You can't even be un-selfish in asking me back. Yes, YOU miss me, YOU want me.. What do I want? You didn't even ask. I want to be happy and move on with my life. What was in the past needs to stay there. I love you. I still do after all this. I love you with all my heart which is why I am saying no. It's why I'm pushing you to grow on your own. Our relationship was not a healthy one and I will miss it, but I am not going to rekindle it with you. I will be here as your friend, but our relationship is finished and I want to keep it that way. Otherwise you and I will just grow to hate each other and I think that would tear you apart more than me keeping you at a distance. It only hurts us both to think about what was and can never be again. Let it be.

Confession #3243

Dear guy I am talking to on the internet: I don't know you, really. But thanks for just making me feel smart and funny and maybe even a tiny bit desirable. There isn't anything that is going to come of our once a day email, but I enjoy having someone talk to me like an intelligent adult human, even briefly.

Confession #3244

The hardest thing I've ever done is summon the strength to keep away from you. You know how much I love you -- we both know you aren't worth it. You have lied, cheated and manipulated me. You've kept me on a string for nearly 6 years, either showering me with affection or withdrawing it. It's a sick version of "he loves me, he loves me not". It breaks my heart to realize that I meant nothing to you -- that when you went on about my beauty, it wasn't just endearments. It really was all you saw of me -- what you called a "flawless body and a beautiful face" were the only things that kept you around. As if that's all there was to see, or maybe you just couldn't be bothered to look any further. Nothing else about me interested you even slightly. I was nothing more than a toy to you.

I know I'll always love you -- but you're toxic to me. I can't trust you as far as I can throw you -- every word you say is a lie. I've tried to leave you before but I always came back. The last time you said you didn't even miss me because you knew I'd be back.

I won't be back any more. You've wasted years of my time, destroyed my self esteem, tried to Gaslight me with your lies, wounded me with your words, dismissed my concerns, denigrated my feelings: I've finally had enough.

It's been months now since I've been in touch with you. I bet you're still expecting me to come crawling back to you.

I wonder how you'll react when it finally sinks in that this time, I'm gone for good.

Confession #3245

We've been divorced for a little over a year and you married a person that you'd dated for 2 weeks, is way younger than you and who obviously has an agenda, as you aren't that great of a catch. I honestly don't care what you do unless it affects our children and yes, this is affecting our children in a major way, in a bad major way. You cannot expect them to immediately embrace your new wife and her kids, you just can't. You didn't give them time to get to know her and now you expect them to be all happy and The Brady Bunch. It doesn't help that she's being aggressive with the kids and trying to force them to do things they don't want to do and isn't willing to give them time, not that you are. They have a mother and they have siblings, you can't expect them to totally embrace a new family that is being shoved down their throats.

What really kills me is that you are so in loooove and so happy and nothing else matters. That would be fine if you weren't a dad but you are, they should be a priority to you but they aren't. You're too busy being Father of the Year to your wife's kids and my kids are, once again, getting next to nothing from you. How do you think that make them feel?

You told me that you don't want to end up lonely and alone like your dad. The bad news is that you will. She will eventually get what she wants from you and leave you. Your kids won't have anything to do with you or just give you token visits and you will be alone. But, it will all have been of your own doing. You told them that your 2nd marriage was a chance for you to "do things right" and when our daughter asked why you couldn't do things right with/for them, you had no answer other then it was too late for you and me. Yes, it is too late for us and I wouldn't take you back if you were the last man on the face of the earth, but you have these wonderful kids who love you and only want to spend time with you and you can't seem to get that through your thick head. They will eventually stop trying and caring and when they are older, they'll want nothing or next to nothing to do with you, like what happened with your dad. You are in charge of your destiny and it will happen.

It makes me sick to know that you wouldn't touch me unless you wanted sex, you never in over 20 years paid me a genuine compliment and you acted like you not only didn't like me but you didn't love me and were embarrassed by me. You told me that you were attracted to me because of my sense of humor and because I always had fun. What changed? I sure didn't. I'm still the same person but you changed and for the worse. Now, you're all in love and she's so beautiful and you have to be with her 24/7, you do things with her and her kids, things we could never do because we never had the money. It's sad for our kids and sad for me, as you obviously never really loved me and while I do believe you love them, you are so selfish that you can't or don't want to see how your impulsive and selfish actions are affecting them.

Karma is a bitch and she will find you. You will get what you deserve and I will, once again, pick up the pieces so my children won't be hurt by you, once again.

Confession #3246

It is hard to believe I fell in love with such a coward.

Confession #3247

I knew I should have been smarter to listen to other people. I knew it was too soon to marry you, I did it because I thought you were the one and you promised me what I had been looking for in a relationship honesty. I remember your exact same words "I promise that I will always tell you the truth no matter how bad it is, and the reason I say this is because I have been hurt before". I knew I had to marry you, but then I realized you were never in love with me, you were just achieving one of your goals in life, checking that to-do list you always carry around. You thought you could fall in love in the way, and you made me believe you loved me and I could trust you. Since the first lie I caught from you, You have never been able to admitt your mistakes, you make a big fight about it, end up saying me that I am stupid, retarded, inmature you ask me to leave the house, give you back the rings, and today it ended with you hitting me for the first time. This marriage is a charade to make you happy in front of your friends, but when we are alone you shut me out, you are cold and you barely talk to me. Oh but thats right you dont talk to me because you say I'm too stupid to understand. Well then you understand this, I WANT OUT.

Confession #3248

When you yell at our daughter, for no good reason except that you don't like the way she is being a child? I hate you for it.

Confession #3249

We gave each other "hall passes" and I used mine, three days later, with your closest cousin just two days before he baptized our child. I should feel horrible because you and I are still madly in love, but I don't. The thing that I can't stop thinking about was how making love to him was almost exactly like making love to you. You both are eerily similar in bed.

Confession #3250

We've been trying to put things right in our marriage. Years of anger and bitterness, and we were doing all right. Until the night I said I didn't want to have sex. And you insisted. So I said I really didn't want to- maybe in the morning, but not then. And You told me I Had to, that it was my job as a Wife. So, instead of fighting, I lay there while you fucked me. I lay there crying, looking away from you. And you just fucked me until you'd finished and said "thanks" and walked out.

You drove a stake into any heart that was left beating in our marriage right then. There is no future with you. I must plan my escape from you, because nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

True Wife Confessions - 39 Steps

Confession #381

I desperately want to trust you, but your lies have made that very hard. I waited for her to come out of work one day, so I could see what she looks like. I even took pictures of her and followed her home, and she never had a clue. She stopped at a liquor store and started drinking before she even got home. I don't know what you see in her. She must have flattered you, because we had a good life together and you selfishly traded it for her. I saw what you wrote to her about me and it has broken my heart. You did nothing to let me know you were unhappy. How unfair of you. I thought we had a wonderful marriage and I have been cheated of it. I know you say you are done, but I can't trust you. I am a stranger in my own life.

Confession #382

You say that I have to get a job now that the kids are in school, and I
want to have a job again, a career. I know that we can't survive
financially without it. However, I've dragged my ass for a year because
I know how it will be, me going to school online full time, working 30
hours a week for shitting wages and maximum hassle, and still taking
care of the kids, house, pets and all the other details of our lives
that you never even think about. You promise that you'll help out more
when I get a job, but you promised that when I went back to school. You
don't even have the first idea how to pick up some of the things I do
around here, and you make no attempt to find out. Every time you talk
about equal rights for women and your feminist mother I laugh on the inside.

Confession #383

You think you are better than me, but you aren't. Really, I can't figure out why you feel that way. I supported you for at least 5 of our 7 years together, even when you were so scared of commitment you wouldn't even call me your girlfriend, much less propose. I paid your mortgage for two years while you slept in my bed in my home with me. You let your mother and your sister emotionally abuse me for years and did nothing to stop them because you didn't want to make waves. You are selfish and you are cruel. I may not be a gorgeous woman, but I deserve a hell of a lot better than this.

Confession #384

I hate that you make me feel like a piece of shit for practically everything I do.

I think it's crazy that if I make a mistake you never let me forget about it and act like it will happen all the time because i'm that stupid. Like the time the mortgage payment got skipped somehow and you then stopped putting money into the account because you wanted to actually write the checks out to pay some of the bills. Yet you still just hand me a pile of money and say here. Well, what the fuck you aren't doing what you say you are going to dick head!! And it was a mistake. You act like you never make mistakes. You are not god.

About money, you lived here for free right down to me paying for your car insurance for 4 years. Then we got married and I got pregnant and you wanted me to stay home yet you only give me $750 a month for the bills and I put in $1500 from my fathers estate. Then you yell at me because I use my credit cards to cover expenses sometimes. Well, what do you expect me to do, pull money out of my ass??

Confession #385

If I'm good enough to make love with you, share my home with you, and look after your children, then I should be good enough to be your wife. I'm too old to be a "girlfriend."

Confession #386

You really are a good man. You have a healthy sense of right and wrong. You're a true family man. Deep down, though, I suspect that no one else would put up with either one of us and our quirkiness. If we were married to other people, I don't think either one of us would have stayed married 15 years. I'm too quick to run my mouth and you're too quick to change your mind about stuff.

Sometimes when I am really hacked off at you, I know I stay with you because you are a good father to our kids. When you set limits with them, it's out of love. If they had a stepfather I'd never let him discipline the kids because I'd never be sure if he was doing it out of jealousy and spite or out of loving concern.

If I could change anything about you at all, it would be this: I wish you were more of a hugger and kisser and hand holder. You're romantic in your own way, but I could use a little more affection. I guess these confessions aren't really new to you. You already know how I feel.

Finally, I do want you to know that I love you and I truly hope you outlive me. I don't ever want to have to mourn you.

Confession #387

I resent a lot of things about you. For instance, I resent the fact that you are able to leave a job because you don't like it and I have to stay at mine even though I hate it. You left a job that was earning you more than enough money because it was "not for you" and took a job making much less. Now I'm stuck making up the difference in incomes at a job I HATE every day. I can't leave like you could because I don't have the person at home working her butt off to give me the leeway, like I did for you. It seems like you always end up being the person who gets to be coddled, and I'm always the one who has to "be strong". I also resent you for not being considerate enough to at least give me a chance to tell you how unhappy I am without you making it into something about YOU. (Maybe it is all about you after all. Maybe you're what's wrong with me.)

Confession #388

I secretly pray that you will cheat on me so I can leave you without being the bad guy to our kids.

Confession #389

We upload our photos to the same photo-storage site, and it disgusts me to see that you take photos of women's asses. Seriously, WTF? You see a woman walk by in tight jeans and you are compelled to take her photo without her permission? You are violating those women's privacy you big fucking pervert. And what creeps me out is that your BioDad does the same damn thing, I know because he uses the photos as his screensavers on his computer! Is this like a genetic compulsion the two of you have? Do the two of you not care at all how it makes your wives feel? Go ahead and look all you want, but don't put those photos in a folder where I can see them. Asshole.

Confession #390

I am scared to death of living the rest of my life without feeling passion, and never being in love. I feel like a friend towards you these days instead of a wife and lover. I feel like I settled for an okay relationship instead of waiting for a great one, simply because I didn't want be alone and because I knew you would never hurt me like the others had. It's not fair to you and I am sorry. You are a good man and you deserve to be loved thoroughly instead of halfheartedly.

You deserve better than me. Because if he came to me right now and said he loved me and wanted to be with me, I would go with him in a heartbeat.