Sunday, December 31, 2006

True Wife Confession 141 Wishes for a Peaceful New Year

Confession #1401

I said I wouldn’t date until the divorce is final. However, I got asked out on date this week – and only after being separated from you for the third and final time. Why did I keep coming back?

My confession – I now know what I was missing and I loved every moment of my date. I don’t feel guilty and I won’t feel guilty for going. I will also enjoy every moment of date number 2.

Confession #1402

You, my darling, are incredible. Thank you for missing me when I had to go out for a few hours on Christmas. Thank you for the incredible sex that night. Thank you for waking me up from my nightmare last night with your arms around me and your voice so soft and comforting. Thank you for this baby that's making my stomach leap around like a squid in a polyetheline bag (and thanks for the Frank-related and inside jokes). Thank you for taking in my first child and so completely sharing your own. Thank you, most of all, for tolerating the visit to my family, even though you don't understand our screwed-up family dynamic (heck, I don't either, to be honest).

I'd complain about something (or several things), but I'm still relaxed from such a perfect Christmas, home alone with you. I love you.

Confession #1403

We have been married 12 years this Christmas. I still love you, but, I will never forget all the other women you have had in our past. Yes, I know all about them. Even the ones I used to call "Friends". I'm not going to leave. I'm not even going to fight about it. I'm also not going to feel bad about sleeping with my ex husband sometimes when I see him or my ex boyfriend from years ago, when he comes to town for business. This started 4 years ago, unlike you who started in our first year of marriage, and I've never felt better. I know when our son graduates I'll have to re-think our relationship. But, we've got 6 more years to go......

Confession #1404

We could have had a real good life, but you didn't want it. And for years I tried to let you know that I loved you, was here for you, was available whenever you got your life in order, and realized how fabulous we could be.

Do you even notice that I don't ask you to come see me anymore? Now, when I ask you for anything, it's with the expectation that you won't come through. I use it as proof that I was right to shut you out of my heart. I no longer fantasize about opening doors and finding you on the other side. That would be a farce instead of the dream it was.

I don't belong to you anymore. It changed when I realized my bitterness over our past will poison any possible future we could have had.

Confession #1405

I can not thank you enough for all your support this weekend. You showed me that you are in fact “supportive” when necessary. I think what happened to my friend put a lot of things into perspective for both of us. At any moment we could suffer the great loss she has and we realize that. As I cried because I hurt so bad for her, you held me, told me you were sorry, you drove me over there when we both got off work, you spent two hours there, while I held her and we cried and talked. You made her smile and laugh despite the horrible news she had received not 12 hours earlier. You grabbed my hand in the car and told me how much you loved me and you got choked up, my hard a$$, you asked God right there in our car to never take me from you. So while you may nap on the couch to much, watch more TV than I want you to, you are there for me, we’ve got the stuff. I know that in a week from now I could be so angry with you and I may forget all this for that moment, but its just that, a moment. But as for eternity, I believe we will make it.

Confession #1406

Sure, I'll get breast implants and a full bikini wax minus the landing stip, and increase my time at the gym to 3 hours a day instead of 2-- right after you get off your lazy ass and go to the gym at all, build some pecs and some biceps and wax your back. While you're at bout checking into getting a penile implant..or stent..or anything. Do you really want to talk about small apendages? Sorry that even as attractive as I am I still dont measure up to your bleached blonde, silicone injected sleezes that you love to watch, and yes, I know you've been watching them regularly.

Asshole. Fuck you and your fucking porn habit.

Confession #1407

My confession:

I absolutely adore you and I truly believe that we have one of the best
relationships out there. I get absolute joy in knowing that our relationship
is better than our friends'. We have something that not a lot of other
couples have, especially those that post on this board. I am not posting to
confess I hate your mother, I cheated on you, I know you cheated on me, I
secretely hate you, that I am leaving you, that I wish I had never married
you, that you never get me off, that I secretly hate sucking your cock, but
simply to let everyone know that I love my husband dearly and to let
everyone know that we have something wonderful.

Confession #1408

I know this is so cliche, but PLEASE admit that you have NO sense of direction. None. We come out of the mall and you are already lost. So don't get mad at me when I tell you that we aren't parked where you think we are parked. I'm not the one who loses their keys and wallet all the time either. Trust me on this, will you?

Confession #1409

I heard you tell our child to "Let Mommy sleep" this morning. Those things win you big points. BIG POINTS.

Confession #1410

I'm getting this out here because me confronting you with all of it isn't going to work for me. I will either get too emotional to get it all out, or too pissed to care.

I'm tired of your porn addiction and total unwillingness to be a little less self-absorbed. Our relationship is not a porn portal for you. I don't delete what you download porn-wise because I don't want to you see porn, I do it because you put more of an effort into looking for and downloading porn than you do to our relationship. I don't mind you downloading porn when things are going good between us, shit, you know I enjoy watching it with you!

And yes, I know that in the last few weeks I have become MORE self-absorbed, basically because I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of not being valued. So here's my problem: I'm not getting the emotional, or physical support I need. So explain to me why I'm holding on to the fact that I love you?

Because I do. And I want this to work. I really, really do - more than anything I've wanted before. But I need to get something back from you in return. This isn't a notice that I'm breaking things off with you, but I'm getting really tired of feeling so low on your list of priorities and obligations.

Why do you only tell me that you love me when you know I am pissed off at you? Some occasional affection, an unsolicited "I love you honey", could do a lot to help our relationship. And telling me ONLY in text messages or emails just makes me think that you are only saying it because you think it's going to placate me. If you don't mean it, don't say it. I have a hard time believing you can feel one way and act the exact opposite anyway.

Your friends say to give you a break, that you've been through a lot, but I have too and I don't want a relationship where I'm not wanted and cared for. I get the feeling that most of the time you'd rather kick me than deal with me, rather just be by yourself and do whatever, so why you are even with me is a freaking mystery. I can't see a relationship working when one person doesn't even want to be with the other. If you are with me only due to a lack of other options, then you need to find other options, because I get the distinct impression I'm wasting my time lately. And I would hope that you could be honest with me and yourself as to your intentions with this relationship.

I know things have been a little better in the last day or two, and I'm grateful for that. But understand that I needed to get it out, to tell you how I feel. If we actually want to make this relationship work, I need to you to at least know where I'm coming from, even if you don't understand it.

Friday, December 29, 2006

True Wife Confession 140 mini marshmallows

Confession #1391

To my so called husband:

Today was Christmas, a time to be with you wife & kids and enjoy the day. So I thought. This was going to be our last Christmas together. You couldn't refrain from texting your whore of a girlfriend for one day and then got pissed off at me because I saw the message! How does that work??!! How can I be blamed for the affair that you are having? You tell me she is just a friend, but I'm sorry there is no need for a married man w/3 kids to text a single girl (who used to be a friend of mine) over 120 times a day. I don't know how much you actually talk on the phone, but I'm sure it's a whole lot & she probably calls you so it won't be on the phone bill. You disappeared 3 nights ago all night long, told me you slept in your truck, do you really think I believe that line of bullshit? It's 40 degrees outside & you had on a t-shirt & the heater in your truck barely works. UGHHHHHHHH!! I get so frustrated at your lies. If you are man enough to have an affair, why can't you be man enough to admit it.

I truly hate you for the things you are doing to me right now. You are putting me through hell at what should be one of the best times of my life. I just graduated from college, everything was finally starting to go right for us, until I introduced you to her. You've only known her for a month & you're willing to throw away 15 years of being together, not to mention the 3 kids that we have. That really makes me feel like shit. I've never in my life ever thought about killing myself, but lately everyday I think about multiple ways to do it, the only thing that stops me is our kids. I just wanna hurt you & make you feel as miserable as I do. Hell, honestly you would probably be happy and not give a shit.

You now have asked me to separate, obviously. Yet you still want to live in this house with me & our kids. So basically, you want me to live w/you, & let you do whatever the hell you want to do. And you even gave me permission to date whoever I wanted to, but you just couldn't see them or you would kick their ass. Oh and you mentioned us still having sex every once in a while, WTF!!! Are you seriously on drugs or what??? So let me recap this again, you want us to separate & u can see whoever we want but you want me to hide it cuz you couldn't imagine seeing me with anyone else, but you want me to still have sex with you if you want, and of course not mention any of this to our kids? OMG I have never seen such a screwed up way of thinking in my entire life!!!!

I have given you my entire life, I have been with you since I was 14 years old. I have done pretty much anything & everything you have wanted. I feel like you just used me until something better came along. I really now doubt every deployment you had throughout your Navy career, if you can do this shit right in front of me, what the hell would stop you from doing it in multiple states & countries where I don't know anyone.

I feel lost in a world that I really thought I knew so well. I feel like my whole world has crashed in on me & I'm just standing in the middle of it just watching & I can't do anything to fix it. I cry at least once a day, and now seems I am more angry all day long with the entire world, except my kids. I hate that I let a stupid man make me feel like I'm nothing, make me feel like I could never make anyone happy, and make me feel so horrible about myself. I really feel like you've ruined me, you have destroyed my ego, my self esteem, my faith in love, my trust in people, my sense of completeness, and the security of my family.

I really don't want to talk to anyone, I really just wanna crawl in a hole somewhere & just hide. I wanna run away from you, from her, from here. I wanna be alone so bad just so I can try and figure all this out, but I'm really afraid that if I stay alone for too long without seeing my kids, that I will do something I can't take back. Those kids are my only reason for being here right now, let me tell you. I don't want to ruin their life, but god help me cuz I would love to ruin yours. I want to hurt you so bad emotionally that you feel like I do.

Confession #1392

We are just 3 days from our 15th wedding anniversary. I have been asking you for a year to express to me why we are together - why it's worth it all when every time we argue you say we aren't going to make it. Just tell me something you like about me that's not about how I clean up after the kids.....I am successful at everything I do and everyone sees it but you.

I started sleeping with another man this week. I'm not going to want him to leave his wife - I just want to feel wanted. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going to be with him as much as I can for awhile. I don't even feel bad about it.

Hopefully I can come back to you and still feel loved. He makes me feel happy about myself for now. That's good enough for me. If we didn't have our 4 children, I might leave you but they need us both and I'll stay until they are older. This will just make me feel better. You admit you've been ignoring me for years.

Confession #1393

You're so damn smooth. Everyone at work just thinks you're the man. You drive the coolest truck and manage to look cool slingin parts in a factory. Of course you would be the one to screw the boss. I just want you to know that I know that you live with your parents and arent all that cool. The sex is ok, it takes more than a big dick and I dont think you understand that. The only thing that keeps me coming back is when were alone and you are honest with me I feel like I could fall in love.

Confession #1394

Would it be possible to trust me on SOME parenting decisions? You do not need to be involved in every little thing, offering opposing opinions to every thing I say. It drives me crazy. I say "Maybe she should go to the doctor"- and you pop up to argue how it is just a minor sniffle. I say it's just a slight cold, and you argue that I am letting my child waste away from tuberculosis. Give it a rest.

Confession #1395

I hate it that we work different shifts. You've only been doing this now for a few months, but it seems like forever. It's like this invisible thing that's wedged between us and we barely know each other anymore. Since we rarely spend any time together anymore, when we do, we can't stand to. Everyday this weekend we fought about something. It makes my heart sad. I feel like you are deliberately acting like an asshole and sometimes, to retaliate, I deliberately act like one too. It just sucks and I don't know what to do about it. Because of the kids, I can't work nights and you can't choose your shift. But we REALLY have to do something to change this because we are headed down a terrible path. And I hate that I am basically a single mother.

Also, if you don't start helping me out more with the housework, I am going to hurt you. Really. I can't do it all myself and take care of the kids and work full time. Well, I probably can, but I shouldn't have to. I am sick of being your own personal alarm clock. Because contrary to what you believe, I don't have time to call you to wake you up. That's why you have an alarm clock. Set the damn thing already. And it's REALLY irritating to call you to try and wake you and you ask me to call you back in five minutes, which I do and then you fall back asleep anyway and then blame me when you are late for work.

Boy, it feels good to let this all out.

But I do appreciate the fact that you are the greatest lover I have been with and always make sure that's it's not all about you. I really appreciate that, even if I am not in the mood as much as you are.

And thanks for all my Christmas gifts. You are always great about those too. I could definitely improve there.

Confession #1396

Dear Fiance,

Can I just tell you how much I freaking can't stand your mother sometimes. I mean, I like her which is strange because I can't stand her as well. She is just so damn opinionated and nosey and it kills me. I know her and your ex and ass buddies or something but I have NO DESIRE to be her best bud. Ok? I mean, you have not pushed that off on me but damnit, does every situation in our lives here have to be akward?! I say NO damnit. Can we just do one thing that doesn't require her to pipe up with suggestion or volunteering us for some bullshit? She alright sometimes, but there is always this strange vibe between us and I just want to slap her sometimes. And, it makes me want to slap you because when she wants to lecture you like you're a child and you just sit there. I hate that. Why don't you just tell her it's none of her damn business you know? You say that you can't even hear half the stuff she says and that you just let her say whatever and ignore her, but why can't you just say....thanks but no thanks mom. I guess you just don't want to hurt her feelings. That's really sweet babe, but I can't stand her sometimes!

Confession #1397

What do you have against me relaxing? I swear, Everytime I sit down or (gasp!) try to take a nap - There you are. Trying to get me up and going something. Your wierd pathological need to make sure that I am as high strung and wired as you is disturbing. Doing nothing sometimes is a GOOD thing. This is why I make sure your life insurance is up to date - your death by stroke is a near certainty.

Confession #1398

When I tell you that there is something wrong with your guy-friend...I mean it. I can spot the psychos a mile away and he is one. Stop defending him. Stop trying to explain his wierd behavior.

Confession #1399

I must purge you from my head. So, I intentionally make images that wound me. The day you left me. The day you told me that you didn't want to have a baby with me. The look of fear in your face as you only thought about yourself and fled. I should hate you. But I don't. I never have. So I find more wounding images - you telling me you still had feelings for me after all these years when you found me. That you have a wife and three kids. Children I was apparently not good enough to have with you. I remember the last time we talked on the phone - how sad you sounded when you told me we needed to stop this. How your voice cracked a little. How I cried when I hung up the phone. So, in order to get you out, I find images. Maybe you and your wife are expecting another child? Maybe you and your wife are wildly happy? I don't know - but I must imagine you happy. I must imagine you surrounded by your children. I must imagine that you are wildly in love with your wife. Because if I don't, the temptation to come to you is life threatening for me. Time hasn't made me forget you - but I hope to hell it does.

Confession #1400

For those of you who post, have you ever wondered if people listen to what all you say? Well wonder no more. I was on a certain website one day, a site a lot like this one in fact, except lets call it TruePhilanderingWifeConfessions, when I came upon Xmas gift ideas; one of which said, get him a sundial!

Hmm. A portable sundial instead of a watch. Sounds interesting. So I go to the site and it lists the best seller as the Aquitaine. The description sayz, ”..Henry II was notoriously late for his love trysts with his mistress and eventual wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine (he was usually on a hunt). In 1152 Eleanor had a special, portable sundial created for him so that he'd know when to leave the hunt to meet her.”

I guess I was amused by this no end. I could think of it as sexy, what with a hunt and all. I also guess I thought I could just scratch out the, “eventual wife” part, if that was on the paperwork.

I weigh the pros and cons and decide, romantic! He’ll never be expecting this! Then I go to order it. And whadda’y know! It costs almost as much to mail it to me, as it does for the item itself. You gotta wonder. Just how much do I love this man anyway? I end up justifying it by thinking its just as important to support the Canadians as it is to buy Chinese. Maybe even more so! So I buy a 45 dollar pewter key chain sight unseen.

I guess another way of looking at why I must do the frivolous is, love is blind. Unfortunately the rest of me is not blind. I can actually see quite well. So imagine my surprise when the envelope arrives and I read two things. The first words are, Imitation Pewter, loud and clear across the packaging.

Imitation pewter? What in hell does that mean? Pewter is the least expensive of all metals to begin with! You can get pewter figurines for 5 dollars anymore! So does this mean it’s actually pricier than it may seem? Are these words of encouragement? Why then do I suddenly feel taken?

Ok ok. I do calm down after my initial unease. I’m mean, its here. Wont be sending it back now will I, if it costs another fifteen dollars to mail it 100 miles. I guess I could always drive it back if I needed a day away. Besides, my lover never know and I wont tell him. I’ll just show him how to use it instead.

Well let me tell you. Henry could sure fudge with Eleanor when late, what with the accuracy of this thing. What time is it anyway? Its most definitely one o’clock by the looks of it. Oh no, make that two o’clock. Perhaps three? Geez Mareez! It’s obviously the thought that counts with this! Think real hard and maybe your man will decide to come see you sometime. Because any other way he just won’t make it on time!

I yi yi. What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking. I was thinking this was a lovers thing. He’ll most definitely “get it” when he reads the label. So I read the label. And it says, “”Henry…would know when to leave the hunt to return to his beloved wife.” WHAT? His beloved wife! What happened to romantic unmarried trysts and all that? This must be the cleaned up Wal-Mart version! They can’t even bring themselves to suggest the lovers weren’t married to one another?

Suddenly my last lovers rendezvous revisits my own imagination. This is like way too déjà vu. The packaging has it exactly right. There we are in the hotel room when his cell phone rings and his wife goes, Where are you? Look at the time! Come home right now!

OK OK. I get it universe. This is the great cosmic joke. Merry Xmas lover boy! Here’s a present that endlessly reminds you, your wife is calling! Better get home quick! Never forget the night we both panicked!

So what does everyone think? E Bay? I’ll go one step further I think. Brand new packaging with a story of my own. What does he know of Eleanor and Henry. Ha! I’ll make it about Henry Miller and Anais Nin or something. It'll be the bohemian Xmas instead of the Renaissance Xmas this year. Pays to be an artist sometimes. Doesn't it?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

True Wife Confession 139 discarded bows

Confession #1381

I know you think that you have a great relationship. You probably have told all your friends that he is the one. How long have you been dating? 3 months?

But he isn't. And why do I know? Because he asked me to come and have sex with him last night.

At first it was "We won't touch - just both be naked and put on a show for each other" - and then it moved to "We can touch and kiss but not have ACTUAL sex", which soon became "You can give me oral, but I'll wear a condom" to "We can do everything - I need you."

Every time I said no, his requirements became less. So, I don't know who you are. I'm not bragging ( so don't even start with me). I just hope you don't marry him because he will cheat on you with SOMEONE, even if it isn't with me. He can't even be faithful for three months.

Confession #1382

You are a great husband and super father. I really don't know what I'd do without you. I'm 6+ months pregnant with our second child (It's a boy!!! hahah!! I told everyone and you still don't know!!! I didn't really break the rules since this is anonymous!). You are great with wanting to help me out and not wanting me to carry things (we are slightly worried about pre-term delivery). However, I could deal withOUT the damn attitude every time you do want to help me. I know I am a little OCD when it comes to certain things (I hate having missing parts to our sons toys - he can't play with the toy if they 'pieces' go missing!) but at least I recognize when I am being like this and actually ask for your help so I can calm down a bit.

I asked you to move the laundry basket to the bed so I could sort the clothes (that YOU washed and folded, thank you!!) but you got an attitude and didn't do it. I ASKED for help because it hurts to bend over with this belly damnit. I should have to FEEL like I am pulling your teeth to help me out. Don't yank things out of my hands because you don't think I should be doing them...ask me if I'd like some help...and if I say NO, back OFF! Don't make me have the same conversation about throwing away our sons sippy cup contents after it has been used twice without washing. It's gross. People get sick when you don't wash things frequently - that's why in the freakin' dark ages they learned to wash their hands and clothes. We have a whole set of sippy cups and a whole set of adult cups - YOU ARE NOT SAVING ANY DAMN MONEY BY USING YOUR CUP 4 GAZILLION TIMES. It's gross!

Oh and if I think it's gross that our son's diaper pail stinks up his room - I have every right to want to clean it out and/or replace it without having to hear crap about it! It's gross and I'm getting rid of the damn thing. Yes, we'll obviously change more diapers - but I don't have to keep that stinky thing around. It's gross!

Yup - this confession stuff feels great. I'm sure we'll talk about it tonight and things will be fine. I love you and would never give you up - but like some of the other ladies have expressed on here - I could just freakin' strangle you for your ignorance and attitude sometimes!

Confession #1383

It's been a year.

I still fantasize regularly about cutting off your penis and ball sac.

Confession #1384

I know it's beyond selfish and cruel, but on days like this --days when you're a cold and relentless asshole-- I pray that I leave the house and get killed.
I want you to spend a lifetime carrying the guilt of knowing that our last time together was spent with you killing my spirit in every possible way.

I fucking hate your bipolar disorder. I hate the you quit taking meds. I hate that one day I have a gem of a husband and the next someone who makes me wish I was dead.
I should have divorced you 6 years ago, but I held on because I know within you is someone spectacular. Had I known he would surface so little I wouldn't have wasted all this effort of trying to keep us together. When you're like this you don't deserve me. You don't deserve our children.

And since I'm on the subject of hate, I hate that during "this time of month" I can't have a fucking emotion without you attributing it to PMS. You know what fucktard, I hate (this side of) you because of YOU, not because of my emotions. You ought to be kissing my emotional ass because the truth is those heartfelt emotions of hope and love are the only things that have kept me here putting up with you all these years. Had my "PMS-y irrational" side taken over you wouldn't know our children or what it's like to be loved unconditionally. Fucking idiot.

Confession #1385

You would think after 13 years I would be able to just vaguely deal with your mother. I can't because she is the most selfish, bitter, cold-hearted, rude fat ass bitch I have ever met in my life. To this day I have never met anyone that has an such an ugly demeanor! I have put up with years of her trying to control our every move. She convinced you to throw our expensive pots and pans because the teflon coating was going to give us cancer and gave us her garage sale 15 year old replacements because they were "better". (of course I am at work when she goes through our cabinets, therefore can't stop her rampage). How about last Christmas when I received a 10# bag of potatoes with only 4# of potatoes in it as my gift. Four days later when I went to use them to make mashed potatoes they were rotten, then 1 week later she brings her brand new 2006 Impala by our house to show it off. This is the same person who couldn't afford to buy me or my daughter's a semi- descent gift because she has no money, though that $2000 she put down on the car just fell from the sky! Oh boo-hoo poor her that's all she ever talks about is herself! She is sooo fat and lazy and she doesn't have money because she refuses to keep a job that's any good, why because it's to hard or the people are mean! Please she is the queen of mean. I hate her, I can't stand to even look at her. God help me that you can't cut the fucking cord and realize who are the true loving people in your life! The thought of having to sit in her 5'x6' dining area with 3 chairs and her shitty food on Saturday for Christmas, truelly makes me want to throw up. She will talk bad about people we don't know and will be so negative and confrontational as always! Oh by the way you warned me the next time I stand up to her and tell her how I feel you will be gone, oh well! See ya!! She'll be so happy to have you up her ass everyday so she can make you move like the puppet she created every waking moment of every day. Just stay away with her!!! You make me sick for not standing up for me and our girls to her, how dare you!

Confession #1386

When we first started dating, you made it a point to tell me how beautiful your ex-wife is and no one will ever measure up to her. We were driving in your car, going on a date, and you tell me your ex-wife is beautiful. Even then, that early on into this relationship, I made up excuses for you. I thought oh well he's just drunk, he's still upset about his divorce. And I stayed. Here it is 11 years later, and I'm still making up excuses for you. Only now I'm the Mrs. and I ask myself time and time again WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING. The excuses I have made for you were only to help myself deal with how you'd hurt my feelings. And as insecure as I am, I made myself believe them to stop the emotional hurting. You aren't always the ignorant asshole that I now cannot get out of my head. You are truly a wonderful person and I know it. There are many good things about you, I just can't think of them anymore. The pain doesn't go away, it just sets idle on the side to be awakened again and again and again. They say forgive and forget. That would be easy if history didn't repeat itself. The things that don't happen more than once, for the most part, are forgotten, they're gone. But the ignorance caused by your drunkenness is reborn each time you get drunk. Sure, you're not always an ignorant drunk either, only most of the time. So yes, as soon as I see a drink in your hand, even when I hear you order one from the waitress, I'm pissed. It's instantaenous. The memories of belittling return, cheating accusations, public drunkenness stupidity and humiliation, you name it, it's happened. The only things you haven't done are steal and murder someone. We can't even go to my company Christmas party. In all the years I have worked there, I'm too afraid to go because you'll want to go with me, and it's an open bar. No way man, you are not going to create one of your scenes in my workplace, my safe haven. Ever. The one place I can go and be me, not be your wife, is where I work. You aren't going to take that away from me. You say I love my job more than I love you. Well now, you're right.

I must also admit that you drink nothing like you used to, I'll give credit where credit is due. But soooo much damage has been done, it's unrepairable. So many points in my life where I needed you to be my friend, my mate, my husband - you took those times and turned them into something about you. Your pity, your grief, your sadness. When I had to have a hysterectomy, I was devastated. My ability to have children was being taken away from me, and not by choice. I told you, laid down on the couch and cried my eyes out and what did you do? Went out to the garage and got drunk. I was alone, again, to deal with it. Hell, when I finally had it done, my sister had to come up here from another state, hundreds of miles away, to help me with the kids while I recovered. Dude, you're an asshole.

The good memories don't outweigh the bad in our relationship. The pain caused by the bad ones is too powerful, too over whelming, whatever good memories there are don't stand a chance and that's horrible.

I've always tried to be your safe haven, your person to tell your problems to, a shoulder to cry on so to speak, and I've done it well. You, on the other suck. Your family has thanked me, every one of them, for sticking by your side and showing you the love that you've needed. Hell, you've thanked me. You just didn't show it in return and now the damage is unrepairable. It's too late. I told you before I want a divorce, you say yeah right whatever. We've even worked out the kinks, and now you say it was all just to amuse me to help me through my mid-life crisis. A mid-life crisis? It's been an 11 year crisis and I won't do this anymore. We have a beautiful child together, absolutely gorgeous, and that little wonder is the only reason I have stayed around these last couple of years. I've given it my best, I can honestly say that, but my best wasn't good enough. I can't do this anymore, I won't.

I am leaving, sooner than you think. If you want to make this difficult, I'll make it easy. I am not afraid to start over, I will walk away with nothing.

Funny've always accused me of cheating on you. Now that I am, you've stopped. Hummm...

Confession #1387

You were so nice to me during Christmas I almost feel guilty about sleeping with him. Almost. But I know it is just a phase for you. You'll be back to your miserable ways soon enough.

Confession #1388

we've been friends for so long now that I can't remember a time when you weren't. I adore you to pieces and I know you feel the same. We also have a 'history' that is becoming more and more a regular part of our present. It's good, and your kisses make my toes curl and every nerve in my body alive, but if I'm being completely honest... when it comes right down to it, you're a selfish lover. I ALWAYS make sure you have a fantastic orgasm. You? You always make sure you do too.
Me? Well, let's just say that today on this thanksgiving day, I'm thankful for my silver bullet... because unlike you, HE always makes sure I'm SATISFIED!

Confession #1389

Why can’t he act right at parties? So we’re at a friend’s Christmas party.. they’re from our Bible study group.. we brought them some tequila for the margaritas… WHY can’t he keep his FREAKING hands off the alcohol! What a fucking drunk ass mother fucker! Then, whenever he speaks it’s just “fuck this.. fuck that.. fuck fuck fuck”.. ASSSHOLE! Damn! Can he ever get a grip! Can I really take him any place where I won’t be embarrassed about his behavior! Dammit! Then I have ride home with the fuckface! And pray that I get home safely. I offer to drive… BUT NOoOOoooooooooooooooOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo.. Oh no… he’s just fucking fine isn’t he. ASSHOLE! Stupid drunk bastard. And he wonders why he fucking gains weight and shit; How much fucking sugar do you think all those damn glasses of Crown Royal have!? Idiot.

Confession #1390

I fell in love with you as a young girl and never gave any other boy a second look...I thought you were Prince Charming and the fact that my father loved you made me happy...I waited and watched as girls your age flirted and I kept thinking that when I grew up I'd take you from them...And I did...

When you asked me out I felt so lucky...And I forgave you for making me wait 6 hours because you forgot about our date and were playing football...It was my very first date ever and I was determined to go with you, even though my mother told me not to...

I was determined that you wouldn't have to feel as if you weren't as good as me because you grew up poor...I didn't want you to feel bad for not having lots of money...I wanted you to know I loved you in spite of that so I never asked you to buy me things...I figured the less you thought I wanted from you, the more you'd want to give me on your own...I figured my genorosity would show you how to be generous...

I got mad when my sister-in-law saw me using my allowance to buy you a present and asked me if you were thoughtful like that to me...

I was mad at my aunt for saying that I was marrying beneath me...

I would've run away to be with you...

I let you f*ck me in my ass the entire time we dated, not because I wanted to stay a virgin, but because it felt so damned good and you were so horny that you pounded in and out of me like a damned piston...I loved it...Too bad you stopped doing it to me that way after we got married...It was wonderful...So many times I'd bumped my ass against you hoping you'd ram your d*ck into me and pound away really really really hard...Without my asking and without any reamble...But the few times I convinced you to at least try, you acted as if you couldn't get it in...All you had to do was grab my hips and shove it HARD...I was hoping you would, but you never did...

I'd suck your dick until your eyes rolled back in your head because I loved the taste of you and I loved having you f*ck my throat while pinching my nipples as I broght myself off with my vibrator...Do you know how lucky you wqere to have a young kinky wife who had ejaculatory orgasms???...I only let you reciprocate because you seemed to want to so badly, but you weren't good at it...And I stopped trying to show you how to please me in bed when you'd pout and not touch me for days at a time...It was easier not to argue with you, and later get myself off alone...

When we got married, I already knew you weren't the one for me, but our religious upbringing made me go through with it anyway...I wish i had slept with you before hand so I would've realized that you were so awful in bed, but I was afraid I'd end up never getting married and not have children if I didn't marry you..

I never told you my kinky sexual fantasies...I knew I could never trust you with them by that time...You never knew I had experimented a bit with female friends and always wanted to try being with several men at once...I kept it all to myself after I found out that you, 6 years older than me, were so boring in bed and were selfish and not interested in learning...You could've had me going to orgies, dumbass...I would've watched you f*ck other women and men...I would've let you f*ck me with other men and women...

I kept up the front when you'd come home to find me masturbating alone...You had no clue that I had my own stash of kinky porn in the VCR...I let you think I had planned you finding me, but I really only got "caught"...Telling you to unzip your pants and "f*ck my throat" was my way of covering up...If you had looked under the covers you would've found the remote and in the VCR was my porn...I hopped up to hide it as soon as you went to clean up after you came in my mouth...

When you hit me the first time and went to cry in the closet and begged me to stay, I pitied you...I already knew you were weak and I was afraid to leave to be on my own and allow my family to say "We told you so"...I stayed in spite of myself...I was young and so stupid in a strange place so far from my family...The same family you made it hard to keep in touch with, you control freak...

When the children came I told myself you'd learn to be more of whatever it was I needed if I just loved you more and was a better wife and I never let anyone know you were the weakest man I'd ever known...

I was so unhappy and I hid it for nearly 17 years of my life with you...I saw no way out...

Then you left for a cheating slut you met online...I was giddy thinking of getting rid of your selfish, lazy, no bathing, no teeth brushing, no toenail clipping, no foreplay giving, lil dick having, not knowing how to f*ck jerkwad!...It was sweet relief to finally be rid of you...And the best part was you divorcing me to marry her after her poor husband divorced her...I came out smelling like a rose...

Your family and all our friends were so shocked when you abandoned us because I always made you look like the perfect husband and father while I worked 2 jobs and did pretty much everything in our marraige...You money was your money, you cheap bastard...But I found the receipts to the things my money bought that b*tch while you planned to leave us all...

It's ok...I hear through the family grapevine that she and her grown son treat you like sh*t...That she reminds you that you live in her house and couldn't survive without her, just like you reminded me throughout our entire marraige...I hear you only married her because you needed her financial support until our kids are all over 18 and you can stop paying child support...And I hear you lie to her and tell her you're impotent so you don't have to have sex with her...Your brother tells his wife everything you tell him and his wife tells me...

Now you know how I felt married to you all those wasted years while you were stingy with not only money, but your love, your time and yourself...

I'm still not involved with anyone romantically because I'm still afraid to trust again, but I'm younger than you so I have time to meet someone to possibly grow old with...Only 2 more years and the youngest of our kids will be in in college and I can relax a bit and focus on me...

The kids and I are doing just fine without you...And since you've chosen to ignore them since you left, it gives me great satisfaction that although I wasted my youth on loving you, you will most likely be lonely in your old age because of all the people you treated so badly...

I take comfort knowing that when I die, I will no doubt be surrounded by the loved ones I've reconnected with...Your loved ones want nothing to do with you and I feel no guilt because they SAW how you behaved...I never said a word about how horribly you treated me and the kids...Not one word...I let you show everyone the really f*cked up person you've always been...I never gave them any information from my experiences with you...

But karma is making sure you're getting it all back...

BTW, that other gal you tried to cheat with before this one?...The one you visited in Conneticut when you were supposedly out of town on business?...I met her after you left...I was in our joint Internet account to change the password...She thought it was you, but when I told her I was the wife and that you'd left us, she asked if she could mail me a box of love letters written in your own handwriting, plus all the things you sent her including trinkets from our vacation (she said you stashed her nearby and she knew details about our hotel)...I have the box...

I'm keeping that secret from you...

It makes me smile knowing I was right not to beg you to stay...

Friday, December 22, 2006

Holiday Hiatus

Hi all,

Just a note to say TWC will be on a bit of a holiday hiatus. This will allow the coffers of confessions to re-build (almost out, if you can believe it) and me to go and actually do some holiday shopping for my own husband. Let's just say that I was not "on top" of the whole holiday season this year.

I want to thank you all for helping to make TWC the modest Internet success that it has become. An idea that I had to avoid my impending move to Canada has succeeded beyond my wildest dreams or inclinations. Clearly, it tapped into something that was bigger than me, the multifacted love ( and sometimes not so lovely) feelings that arise from relationships.

Others have said it, and I echo it. I don't feel alone. I read the confessions as they come in - Some I understand, some I don't quite understand - but through them all I recognize that women need a place to say these things. I understand that saying them purges something, and serves the purpose of "confession". This isn't "confession" in the Judeo-Christian sense of the word. No one is seeking absolution here. No one is getting a number of "Our Fathers" and "Hail Mary's" to say. I prefer the Latin root, which would be to publicly declare. To publicly declare that our lives, our marriages, our homes - aren't perfect. That we make sacrifices - deep sacrifices - to maintain an image, a myth of the perfect happily ever after. That we do this with old lovers, or current lovers, rattling around in our heads. That some are married to men who aren't interested in sex. That some have husbands with addictions, tolerate abuse in both physical and verbal manifestations - and that often? You wouldn't know Them from Us.

We also know that there are wonderful men in our lives. Men whose kindness and consideration blows us away. Men, for whom, their greatest fault is never putting the damn toilet seat down. Men who make time for their children and share the parenting duties equally. Men who are passionate lovers concerned with their partners pleasure, who look at a woman they have been with for years and still have that leap in their heart.

That both sets of these men can exist in the same man.

So, I say again, Thank you. For reading, for contributing, for laughing, for your anger and indignation, for your words of support to unknown women.

TWC will be back after Christmas. I know you will have some fabulous confessions to send in over the next several days. I know I already have written a few to throw in!


True Wife Confession 138 Pine Needles embedded into the carpet

Confession #1371

Deleted by author's request

Confession #1372

You know how I tell you that I miss you when you are away on your week long business trips? It is a lie. I actually enjoy having you not at home. I get so much done and don't feel like I have to jump up and take care of your every whim. I hate that I feel this way. It tells me so much about our relationship that I can't wait for you to leave on your next trip. It has made me realize that I don't really need you at all. That I can do everything on my own, because I DO everything with no help or input from you. And I am tired of being secondary to your career, your friends, even your things. I understand that you need to make a good living, but you could get a job that would not require you to be gone 20 days out of every month. It was the death knell of our already strained relationship. Do not be surprised when you come home and I am not there. It is time to put an end to this farce of a relationship. We don't even know each other anymore.

Confession #1373

It's been over two years, and I've reached the point where I realize that you aren't Satan. But you know what? You are definitely, by anyone's standards, an asshole.

Confession #1374

I finally meant it when I said goodbye. I know you don't think I did...but I did. The itch for you has finally been soothed. I do love you, but I won't miss how I felt.

Confession #1375

deleted by request of the author

Confession #1376

I speculate that you have a fear of commitment. I don’t know where this fear comes from, as your personal, relational, and family history illustrates no rational reason for you to act like this. We’ve been together (albeit off and on) for seven years, and you still won’t give me a straight answer about whether we will be moving in together when our respective leases are up. We’ve been together for seven years, and you still won’t address the topic of marriage. We’ve been together for seven years and all the rest of our friends are married, and have houses and babies. Our relationship status makes me feel a tad dysfunctional, like I am a lesser human being not worthy of any actual commitment other than the “sure I’ll stay over tonight” humdrum that is our life together.

I love you, but I don’t want to be forced to dump you. I say this because your fear of adulthood is making me dislike you. Fish or cut bait man! Good god. We’re such a fun couple! What’s the problem here?

Confession #1377

While I agreed to try a threesome, I explicitly said that we should approach the other woman together, so that she would know we were both okay with it, and would hopefully feel less threatened than if she was propositioned by you alone. You agreed completely at the time. I thought we were doing so well at this.

Instead, you waited until I left the house and then put the moves on her. You kissed her even though she expressed doubt about it. I didn’t know anything until I returned from my business trip.

That sucks. I am tempted to call the whole thing off. I do want to experiment and I like this woman and I find her attractive, but I am SO not cool with you doing this shit without my prior knowledge, and making our mutual friend uncomfortable into the bargain.

And you don’t get to make me out to be the jealous wife. You know perfectly well that I am fine with the idea of experimenting. The ONE rule I laid out was that you tell me in advance.

You’ve already broken that rule four times.

Confession #1379

Sometimes I am afraid that if you really knew me - really - you might not like me so much.

Confession #1380

I found the receipt for my Christmas present. But I will never tell you and I will act totally surprised when I open it.

You did good this year, thank you.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

True Wife Confession 137 pieces of old hard ribbon candy

Confession #1361

Why am I with you? Why have I stayed with you? I guess I am so attached to
you that you have become a project almost. A self-tormenting project. When
I met you, you wanted to be better and asked if I would help you become the
good man that you knew you could be. You asked me to help you stop
drinking, gambling, smoking and looking at so much porn I'm surprised you
have skin left on your dick. I said I would because I loved you so. Now, I
am pregnant, and there has been no end to your addictions. I don't even
know how many times I have thrown you out of my house (thank God it's MINE)
to have you BEG and PLEAD about how you are going to make it better. Not
only am I pregnant, but you have now hit me. Oh sure it was only in the
arm, but you wonder why my compassion is gone and all that is left is
disdain. Basically, I'm waiting for the baby to arrive and then, you are a
goner bud. Don't think for a second I can't raise this baby on my own. In
the meantime, I'm draining your account. After that, I'll screw you to
death in court. But for now, I love you and am waiting patiently.

Confession #1362

Why do you have to shove my shoes to the corner when they’re in your way! Why don’t you just put them up like I do yours EVERY time!

Confession #1363

I know you cheated the 1st time. I know who those text messages were from. Why did I marry you? Why did I let you talk me in to it. I loved you so much, I done everything you wanted. Why couldn't you have just let me be. You knew you couldn't be faithful, so why did you even comeback? Now that we are divorced, I realize so much. You are still with her, the one that helped you destroy our marriage. I just don't get it. Why do you still call me and tell me this song or that song reminds you of me? Why do you still call me and tell me you would give anything to have things they way the use to be? I have moved on, I am with some one who truly loves me, and b/c of you and the pain you have caused me, I have the hardest time opening up to him. I tell myself I wish you would quit calling, I hate you! But then deep down when you don't call, I miss you, I get sad. When I am driving along and I hear that song that describes us perfectly. I cry, I get mad and argue w/ him b/c your not there. I just wish this confusion and pain would go away. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH but yet I hate you even more! I hate that your with the nasty skank that you cheated with while we were married. You say your coming back to our home state. WHY? Just stay gone. It is easier that way for me. Don't come back and try to screw things up for me and my new life. Let it go, If you .love me like you say you do. Be happy for me and let me go. As i will do the same.

Just wish I could express myself like this to you, instead of giving in to you and babying you when you call me to say hi or tell me how much you hate her.

The past is gone, let it go!

Confession #1364

Being married is alot harder than I thought it would be but not for the
reasons that everyone else (myself included) thought.

I knew going into this that money would always be tight and we still had to
finish getting out of each other's debt.

I knew going into this that we still wouldn't see each other very much
throughout the week because we both have very demanding careers.

I knew going into this that people would say "You guys are HOW old?!"

I knew going into this that I would no longer be at the crazy home I grew up
in with all of the noise of people running around, doing homework, playing
and listening to music.

What I didn't realize was how easy it is to live without "extras" like going
to the movies, going out to dinner and Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

What I didn't realize was how much more special our time together is because
our lives are even more busy since we walked down the aisle. Being able to
cuddle up with you every night is amazing and I sleep so much better now.

What I didn't realize is how lucky we are to have been brought together and
have our lives in enough order to be able to get married and continue our

What I didn't realize (until recently) is how nice it is to be able to come
home and night and watch what I want to watch without having to fight with
the other eleven people in the house over the tv.

We have been together for four years and we have made it through more rough
times than I would like to admit but we have worked hard to make our
relationship a success. You have been the greatest father a little boy
could ever dream of having to my son.....he's yours now too (officially).
Even though you make me want to punch you in the throat for the stupid
things you say and do at times, I can't imagine my life without you. I
consider myself to be the luckiest woman alive.

You understand me more than any person ever has and you put up with my
sometimes bratty ways.

I understand that you are not very good with your words and shove both feet
in your mouth at the most inopportune times.

But, despite everything that we have going against us, I think we have
found the secret to a successful long as you get to
watch the Bears and I get undisturbed two hour bubble baths at least one
night a week, everything is peachy. ;)

I love you!

Confession #1365

Just when I have left you in my mind, you do something so sweet, so insightful, so considerate that I doubt my reasons for wanting to leave you. I think to myself - "No one will ever know me like he does. No one will ever love my quirks, my oddities, my moods the way he does."

Confession #1366

When you lay down beside me the other night and TALKED to me. Really talked to me. Not about our child. Not about money, not about how tired you are or how sick you feel. But Talked. Real Human adult conversation. Those are the moments that I am reminded why I fell in love with you. I wish you would do this more often.

Confession #1367

I do a lot to "keep my appearance up" for you. I'm growing out my hair, I keep it dark, I shave parts of my body that I would otherwise not pay as much attention to, I work out. So please don't be a fucking baby and act like my attractiveness will be "ruined" if I get another piercing in a place that you're not wild about.

I don't ask you to keep your hair a certain way or wear certain things or to get more tattoos. I ask you to work out to stay healthy. That's about it. I don't tell you, "I won't be attracted to you if you do x", so please don't do that to me.

I'm a big girl, and I'm not going to keep being the me that YOU want me to be. I won't live forever, my youth will be gone before I know it, so I'm going to do what I want to my body now while I can still get away with it. I don't want to wake up when I'm middle-aged and wish I'd done things differently.

Confession #1368

When you make me laugh unexpectedly - I love you deeply. I wish you would do that more.

Confession #1369


Thank you for everything you do. Thank you for taking me back even though I broke your heart once before. I know you want to marry me and be with me for the rest of my life. I want the same to. I love you with all my heart. I just wish I could let the past go. I have the hardest time w/ moving on. Mostly b/c of him. I know I take things out on you b/c of him and I hold up our future b/c of that. Please know I will never go back to him, I could never deal with not having you. But i must tell you, he does call me more than you think. I wish I cold tell him to forget about me, move on and quit calling. But I feel sorry for him. Baby I love you and I will be your wife and I will have you children just like you want me to. But I must tell you that it will take time for me to open up my whole heart. he does still hold a piece.

i love you with everything i have. thank you for being there for me through everything.

Confession #1370

How did we get here? When we first got together it was pure heaven / hell. We went through so much just to be together, and it felt like we were partners, and we had each other's back. It didn't matter that your family disapproved. Not to the point that we would leave each other. So what I was with your Cuz first? I thank God sometimes for it, b/c if not I wouldn't have ever met you. You taught me what it was like to be treated well. But that was a long time ago. I thank you for motivating me even though you didn't even know it. I had such low self esteem about myself that I couldn't bring myself to tell you I didn't even have my damn GED. But I got it. And when I showed it to you and confessed, you told me you were proud of me. That to me was worth millions. I don't know if I would be in school if it wasn't for you. You showed me how beautiful it is to be motivated, and want better things for myself.

With that being said, I think what's best is for us to be apart. I've accepted so much from you and been through so much denial that I stuck by when I found out you were talking to your Ex, and other girls. You think I don't know, but I know that you and her still talk. I'll go along with it for now because, I have other more important things on my plate than to worry about your foolishness. The reason you don't want to get married yet is because, you don't want to MARRY ME. Admit it already! I so badly wanted to be your wife that I put up with this. But it's the very reason why I shouldn't marry you in the first place. You don't know that you have a down ass chic and I would do anything for you. I have in the past. Even though we have had our problems, you can't ever say I haven't been there for you. Now HE'S moving down here. The one that got away. The one that despite it all, after all these years still has my heart. HE'S not moving here for me, but if he gave me the chance I'd be with him in a second. It's not like I have anything to look forward to with this relationship. This "relationship" has been over from a long time ago. Man up and tell me that you have already moved on, even though you are still physically here. You don't know that YOU JUST LOST ONE, IT'S SO SILLY-HOW COME?

I've had one foot out the door for a long time. But now both feet are out. You should be afraid. Because once I'm gone that's it. You should know that already. Just ask your Cuz. LOL.

Not wife material-for you.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

True Wife Confession 136 Freaking candy canes

Confession #1351

My shift ends at half past the hour, not on the hour. That means if I'm working 3-11, it means I'm working 3 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. If I am not done with patient care or giving report to the next nurse at that time, I don't just get to leave. I'm aware that the hospital does not want to pay me for that time; I don't dawdle. I finish my work as quickly as possible, then I walk to my car in remote parking, then I drive the 45 minutes home. Why do you care when I get home? Half the time you're not home, anyway. You do not need to call me at 12:15 or even 12:45 to ask where I am. I am on my way home.
This would bother me less if you actually got home when you said you would. I don't appreciate the double standard.

Your unpredictable schedule (which is nominally 9 to 5, Monday through Friday) makes it impossible for me to work at my job. Do you really not understand this?

Confession #1352

After your meltdown last week about how awful it was to have to buy Christmas presents for me, I resolved that every time I found something for you for your next birthday, or Just-Because, I'd not buy it. Instead, I'd look for something for myself. And my present to you every year would be not having to buy me things, because I'd already have created a stockpile of nice presents for myself.

So far I've not-bought two things, so 'll be hitting Origins soon for some of their white tea stuff. The two things I would have bought you would have been about as much as one jar of that moisturizer.

I'd get the Five Languages of Love to try and understand your point of view, as a kind fellow poster suggested, except that you have no problem telling ME what YOU want for Christmas or your birthday. It's just returning the favor that causes you to moan, groan, whine, complain, and become a fountain of obscenities.

I would like to be able to look for things you'll like, and to enjoy watching you enjoy them, but if you're going to be a selfish fuck about it, at least I'll have some good moisturizer.

Confession #1353

I know you and I have been together for a year and a half, but it feels
like so much longer. Who knew that we could find love through a computer?
Thank you for being so wonderful to me & my family, kind to strangers (like
that old lady in the grocery store the other day who needed help with
butter!!! lol), sympathetic when I'm homesick for the East Coast, and for
loving me completely and unconditionally. I realized last night when I came
home from work and you were already home waiting for me, just how much you
value us. You had been working so hard these last few months, putting in
12-14 hour days and going to sleep early because you were so tired. You came
home early last night so we could have a nice meal and cuddle time during
the Monday Night football game. And just as I thought things couldn't get
better, you give me money so I can buy a plane ticket home for
Christmas...just one of my many gifts you've worked so hard to give me this
year. I'm so thankful that I have you and your parents. I am still
dumbfounded that I have such great in-laws and such a compassionate soulmate
in you. I love you Bubs. You are the world to me. My very own knight in
shining armor. By the way, I absolutely LOVE the diamond bracelet you gave

Confession #1354

Thank you for being so supportive of the breastfeeding. Our son is very fortunate to have been nursed as long as he has. He'll wean when he's ready (or when I am, whichever comes first).

I have told you multiple times that my mother and my sister react negatively to peanuts. So stop feeding peanut butter to our toddler! Just wait until he's two years old.

Confession #1355

I am tired of you. I'm tired of your laziness, I'm tired of your insensitivity, I'm tired of trying to help you 'get it' and 'get me'.

I have had one of the worst day sof my life today, and what do you do, you come home from our dog being euthanized and fall asleep on the couch. You do not try to console me or comfort sirreee Bob, you come home and you fall asleep.

I am tired of being a blip on the radar of your life. I'm tired of the charade of being the dutiful little pastors wife, just happy to be here. I'm tired.

I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of not being valued and I'm tired of living this lie.

I am going home for a week. I'm going to decide if I want to be married to you or not anymore. Right now buddy, the odds are not in your fucking favor.

I have been there for you more so than anyone in your life, yet and still, you treat me like shit. I'm so much more deserving. And you are right, I can do much better than you with your half assed ways. And you are half assed in EVERYTHING that you do.

So, enjoy New Years Eve alone! Maybe if you started giving a shit, I'd stick around.

Confession #1356

You once told me that you'd love me, sex or no sex, kids or no kids. I gave you a son. Now leave me alone.

Confession #1357

Well I told you. I finally told you almost everything I had to say to you. I told you I didn’t love you anymore. I told you I wanted a separation. But I still lied through my teeth. I told you there was no one else. I told you I’m not unfaithful. I lied. I think I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry I told you the somewhat truth. You want another chance. You’ve had more chances then you’re worth. I gave you all of me and you threw it away like a piece of garbage. Now when you think you want me back, I’m nowhere to be found. I’m lost inside myself and I found someone willing to take the time to make me whole again. Coax me out of my dark place and pick up the pieces you shattered so long ago. Why should I give myself to you again? It won’t be any different, you’ve proven that time and time again. They say everyone in your life is to teach you something. You’ve taught me to not take myself for granted. You’ve given me three wonderful children. But you haven’t given me what I wanted. I don’t want to work it out. I’m done with it all. I want to get on with my life, with our without the man that will make me whole again. I hope you’ll understand. I really do hope you find the love you are meant to find. I hope you learn from your mistakes with me and never hurt another human being like you’ve hurt me again.

Confession #1358

Sometimes I get really angry about the fact that you get to sleep/lay in bed for 45 minutes to an hour after I get up. Those are the morning I ‘accidentally’ leave the uber-bright hallway light on—the one the shines right on your face while you’re lying in bed.

Confession #1359

I want a nicer, bigger house. Then I'll think about having another baby.

Confession #1360

UGH- I am soo tired- I don't believe what happened to us- I feel like I am always apologising and most times I sure as hell don't mean it and a lot of times its an involuntary response to your bitching and picking at me- "well, It would have been fun but"- followed by something that I did that you deem annoying - talking, laughing, being too kind- or when you got a "headache" ( aww pooor baby!) trying to help you out- and offering to leave the party or get you some coffee or something to eat- I was told- "leave me alone- stop talking and go away"- when I did you miraculously got "better" and then it was my fault for not noticing- fuck! I can't figure out what you want anymore-. I know you did have fun- but you have to act like you didn't, so you had something to complain AT ME about. And another thing- when you go to work and you get angry if I don't drop everything to answer the phone and BS all day long- then as soon as you get home you want to eat ( it's like 1:00 P.M) then the kids want to eat again at 5pm-I end up cooking and doing dishes ALL DAMN DAY LONG! Also, sleeping on the couch does NOT mean that you are spending time with the kids- never doing any laundry or washing a dish makes you suck! When you have been at work ( out of town) for 2 fucking days, don't get pissed when you walk in the door on the phone with your asshole friend, and no one runs to greet you- hello? - its pretty obvious that we aren't important- you can talk to him anytime. DO NOT walk in the door on the phone- asshole! Oh- and "do my laundry I need it by tonight"- but you can't switch shit from the washer to the dryer- or possibly FOLD something? What about carrying one of the 3 baskets of clean and folded shit to the top of the stairs for me? I know it's beneath you to even THINK about putting those clothes away. If I ask you to help, you basically ignore me and I make little jokes about it- and you STILL don't get it. I am sick and tired of being left without money or a car and with the kids all day and night you don't do shit around here- then you have the nerve to tell me that I may have to get a job soon- hey fuck you pal- what the fuck do you think I do around here? I mean I never get any time to myself- EVER- and when I find a moment to get on the computer or to watch some TV, after the kids are in bed, you lecture me on staying up too late- you can't sleep without me in bed with you- umm hello ? I can not go to bed at 6pm- like you! God knows I need time to freekin unwind! As far as Christmas goes - I have ONE family member, who makes everything we have possible, and I am not letting your asshole rude family ( who hates me anyways) take all my time- so fuck you on that one too! Also, how about spending some time with me when I am FORCED to go to your family functions for like- 10 hours at a time- don't fucking disappear and leave me with a house full of people that hate and judge me!!! God when the hell did you become such a pain in the ass???!!! Shape up dammit! I love you, but you are really starting to piss me the hell off! and I can't even tell you about it cuz you turn shit around and make it all my fault or say I am having anxiety issues- that makes me want to kick your balls so hard up into your throat you choke on them!! And lastly- when I say no in the bedroom - it fucking means no!!!_ stay out of my asshole- it does absolutely NOTHING for me!!- signed, your bitter wife

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

True Wife Confession 135 Bedazzler Jewels

Confession #1341

When you fall asleep in front of the TV, and I wake you up and you get all snippy, and then I follow you to bed about an hour later after doing stuff like laundry, dishes, and dog-walking (which you don't do), I do not want to have sex.

You say that some nights the dogs almost push you out of bed. Then why can't I get you to roll over? I have shoved you so hard that I'm sweating, and you don't move.

Confession #1342

When I don't read a streetsign that you didn't ask me to read, don't insult my eyesight. I know my vision is poor; I've worn glasses since I was seven. Just what are you hoping to accomplish my insulting me? Does it make you feel like a bigger person?

Confession #1343

Last year, you told me that you wanted to lose 50 pounds, and I agreed to support you in that. Since then, you have gained 30 pounds. Here's a hint: the good of the oatmeal gets cancelled out by the seven Oreos you put on top of it.

Confession #1344

You've asked me why I don't get angry when you get home late, or don't call. Because then I would be angry all the time! Here's a typical evening:
5 p.m. What time should we expect you home?
Not late, about 7:15.
Should I make dinner?
7:45 p.m. Hey, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm still at the office. I should be home about 9. Don't wait dinner for me.
9 p.m. You call to say you're on your way home. Sorry.
10:15 You arrive at home.
Yet when you actually get home early, you're upset that dinner isn't on the table! I'm not a very good cook anyway, having a window of 3 to 4 hours to have it ready to serve is pretty darn impossible.

Confession #1345

Dear Honey:

I adore you. When I think of anything happening to the
"us" that is, I have panic attacks. You put up with my
moodiness and you give the best hugs. You were there
when things went horribly wrong in my life and I had
the worst year I've ever had.


I am really, truly, hurt by the sheer lack of effort
you put into anything that you know is important to
me. I spent six months planning your birthday, because
no one ever really made an attempt for you and I
thought it would be nice. I did it because I love you
and I wanted you to have a good birthday for a change.
So it really, really hurts me that you didn't do
anything at all for mine when you know what a big deal
birthdays are for me. I know things are tight, but
would it have killed you to buy me a card or put up
the decorations you know are in the house or make a
cake from the ingredients we have on hand? I know you
were sick, but does that mean you couldn't be bothered
to do the dishes from the dinner I ended up cooking on
my birthday? They sat there for three days, for
heaven's sake, and the kitchen isn't big enough for
that. When I finally did them, you asked me why I was

We've been together for three years. This isn't new
stuff, babe. If I cook, you're supposed to do the
dishes. That's the agreement. We're supposed to make
an effort for each other and try to make each other
feel good. So it's very hard for me that the times
I've really needed you this year, I haven't had you

You couldn't come with me when my Grandmother died,
and I understood why. You had to work when I threw a
big party to celebrate a major milestone in my life,
and I understood 'cos I know how tight money's been
for you this year. You didn't do anything for my
birthday, and I tried to not be upset because I know
they're not a big deal for you.

When I got fired from my job for no real reason, I
wanted your support and needed help with the household
bills, which I had been covering in full. And not only
haven't you done that, but you haven't helped with the
housework at all, either and I still got stiffed on my
birthday. So here's my problem: I'm not getting the
emotional, financial, or physical support and help I
need. So explain to me why I'm holding on to the fact
that I love you?

Because I do. And I want this to work. I really,
really do - more than anything I've wanted before. But
I need to get something back from you in return. I
want some kind of reciprocity - when I work hard for
you, I expect you to work hard back. That's how this
is supposed to work. This isn't a notice that I'm
leaving you, but I'm getting really tired of feeling
so low on your list of priorities and obligations.

Confession #1346

The reason I said I wanted to "have our own family celebration" on Christmas is because I do not want to spend Christmas with your mother. She ruins Christmas for me. I can't handle her "poor me" pouting. Not on Christmas. I handle it the rest of the time because I have to. Please let me have a happy Christmas.

I am perfectly ok with going to your dad's for Christmas. Your dad and step-mom are far more pleasant and their house isn't a disgusting hell hole like your mother's.

I like your step-mom more than your mom. I don't like your mom at all.

It pisses me off when no one in your family will call your mom out when you all KNOW she is lying and trying to be manipulative.

I also don't like one of your sisters. I hacked into her email account and that is how I knew so much about what was going on in her life.

I fake all of my orgasms that 'occur' during sex. It is all an act. Sorry. The ones during foreplay are the only ones that are real. I love you so much that I will never tell you that.

Confession #1347

m sorry but I don't love you--not in the way I should. I think all those years of abuse from you, bitterness, and resentment (from both of us) are just too much to surpass. I'm trying, I am. I want to, believe me. It would make life so much easier, so much better. Honestly, I don't know if you really, truly love me either or just think you do because you think you should. So we try...but I feel that there's something missing, something that trying and wanting just doesn't fill. Maybe some day, some year, it will be there.

Confession #1348

This afternoon you led me to the couch and held me as I cried and talked. You actually listened to me - for the first time in I can't tell you how long. You apologized, even as I told you that you were not responsible for my feelings. You rubbed my hair and told me everything will be all right and that we will get through this. Those are the moments that I fall in love with you again. Those are the moments that I can't imagine living my life without you in it.

Confession #1349

We have, quite possibly, the best baby ever. But caring for our child is not all sweetness and light. I need a break sometimes. I did not sign up to be a single parent.

Confession #1350

To my darling hubby:

You have recently found a new job. And I’m so happy. I can’t wait for you to leave the job you currently have. Ever since you’ve been looking for/found the new position, you have been more energetic, cheerful, and helpful. You don’t lay in bed until 4 p.m. on weekend days anymore. You don’t spend hours upon hours immersed in Video poker or on the couch watching movies. You want to have sex again.

For most of our 10-year relationship, you have worked 60-80 hours a week at a soul-sucking company. They have sucked the love and life out of you and our marriage. You traveled so much that at one point our son no longer thought you lived with us. We were in marriage counseling as are many of the employees at your current work.

We both spent a lot of time being angry. You didn’t feel supported by me in your job and I didn’t feel supported by you. How could I give support when I felt utterly alone and unloved? How could I support you in a job that kept you constantly stressed and emotionally distant?

I hope your new job turns out to be a wonderful thing for you, your career and us as a family. I hope it provides the challenge you’ve been sorely lacking. And I am here to support you every step of the way – especially after meeting with the partners of the firm and finding out from the other wives that the company is family-friendly.

I am so very happy you came to your senses and finally told your current bosses you wanted out of a partnership with them. I am so happy you have finally chosen our son and myself over your job. I am so happy you seem at peace and content. I am happy for you. And us.

It feels wonderful to be in love with you again. It feels wonderful to fully trust you, to WANT to support you and to be your best friend again. I’ve missed you.

Monday, December 18, 2006

True Wife Confession 134 Blinking Holiday Lights

Confession #1331

I love you. You are my soul mate. You make me happy. You're a great husband and father, but you suck in bed. I've tried to show you what I like, but you don't listen.

I'm cheating on you, with 4 different men, and the sex is great - I mean it is GREAT.

They could never replace you though, I just need better sex.

Please listen to what I need in the bedroom - I'm tired of all this running around - but damn it! I need this sex. I've faked almost every orgasm with you because you don't seem to care about my bedroom needs and we've been married for almost 10 years.

If you ever stop to listen to what I want in the bedroom, I'll stop cheating - I'd rather have GREAT sex with you.

Confession #1332

Hun, I spent most of my life in the shadows as I watched enviously of the other girls you dated, too afraid to comfront you myself, it always seemed we would meet for a few years be friends and get closer and closer and then disappear, me moving, you moving, it just seemed like it was never going to happen. I got married, and went into a abusive one, it was horrible, I suffered, but then somehow we ended up here where you lived, and one night I opened up to you, I was afraid and you took me in your arms tears and all and held me and reasurred me. It wasn't too long till after you carried me through to admit this to family and file for divorce. Now here I am with you, finally, like God smiled and said "here, you waited so long, you suffered so hard, here is your REAL soulmate". Let me tell you right now, there is no one else in this whole world that could love me like you do, that could show me what real love is like. You protect me,you love me, you give me all you have. I know you know that I love you, but I want to know that I love you even more than mere words, and I look forward to a future with you, to wearing a ring from the man I was TRULY meant to be with. You are the greatest gift that could ever happen. Thank you Love, thank you from the very depths of my heart and soul.
Your one and only love

Confession #1333

You are a trip, you messed up on me and now you don’t expect me to have an attitude and be mad at you. You have lost your mind. What in the hell was you thinking, so I take you back and stop acting so pissed off at you and know you claim that every man wants me. Well, stupid if you really feel like that, shouldn’t that make you work harder to keep me, and make me happy so that if men are throwing it at me then I would not want to take it. You just don’t have a clue, what you want to do what us and yourself. I do love you with all of my heart and I don’t want to give up but, lately I have been thinking about it. I really have been very good to you and supported you in everything that you have done, but sometimes I wonder if you can ever get it right for us to be together for ever. You really pissed me off when you called and told me that you are thinking about getting a vasectomy after we have discussed me having a baby that is my own. I really do love your children I treat them like they are my own, but I want to carry 9 months and experience being pregnant. That was an agreement that we had when we decided to be with each other. That is so selfish for you even think about something like that. Not even thinking about me, you are only thinking about yourself, because you don’t want to wear a condom anymore and you want to cum inside of me. You said that was not fair to you, I am not giving you the whole sexual experience. Sometimes you are a jackass and selfish ass hole!!!!!

Confession #1334

Dude, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and could have this baby any minute. If
we don't have sex now, it's gonna be an even longer post-partum. I
know you like the belly and think it makes me more attractive,
especially with the super boobs, so take some initiative. Hit this
now, while you still can!

Confession #1335

Why do you only tell me that you love me when you know I am pissed off at you? Some occasional affection and unsolicited "I love you honey" could do a lot to help our relationship. And stop rolling your eyes every time I want to snuggle with you. I'm your wife - who the fuck else do you expect me to snuggle up to? Or maybe thats the point.

Confession #1336

Your selfishness has cost you what you value most. Your family will never look upon you with quite that same blind adoration they used to. They all know what you really are, now. And it's your own fault.

Confession #1337

I didn't mean what I said the other night, how I should never have gotten married, should never have gone off the Pill. I'm sorry.

Confession #1338

I don't believe that everyone else at the office works as late as you do. Are you telling me that none of them get home until after 9 p.m. four out of five days? I knew before we got married that you would work long hours, but I understood that was when you were actually at trial, not every day. Telling me I'm stupid for not understanding this is not helpful. Was it written down somewhere? Did you explicitly tell me that I would not see you during daylight hours for 5 months of the year?

Confession #1339

Well you did it. You went and bought the outrageous plasma TV. Piled more debt on. We need a new roof and furnace. Is your TV going to keep the rain off our heads and heat coming through the vents? Selfish asshole.

Confession #1340

You told me that you were giving up your stupid role playing games, and you haven't. Don't think I haven't noticed that you're "too busy" with work to relieve me from never-ending parenting duties so I can do something crazy, like go to the dentist or to work, but you somehow find time to go gaming. I wouldn't mind so much if you were just hanging out with your old friends, but these are losers guys you don't even know! You are 34 years old; it's time to grow up.

Friday, December 15, 2006


Another game!

I was recently listening to "This American Life" on NPR. (OK yes, I am one of those public radio supporters - I even Pledge!)

At any rate, the story involved the stories we tell about ourselves to others - How we chose these stories - what they reveal about us. How in the best stories one tends to be either the hero, or the fool - and often both things at once.

Of course, I started to think about the stories I have told in which I am both hero and fool. My mind went to one story immediately.

The story about my turn as the "crazy girlfriend".

Yes, I was one of those. Once. At one point in my life, with one specific guy - I became the crazy girlfriend. Come on - you all know what I am talking about. The girlfriend that other people see and think "Damn - she's crazy".

It was my sophomore year in college. He lived on the 2nd floor, I lived on the 4th. He was a senior. We became involved. I believe he lived to torture me. Of course, being the assertive young woman I was, I had some things to say about that - and some very verbal, loud arguments ensued. During one particularly heated disagreement, he locked me out of his room. I was INFURIATED. This is when I made the plan which turned me from "Annoyed girlfriend" to "Crazy Girlfriend". How dare he lock me out. I was going to show him. I was getting in there.

Since the door was locked...I naturally thought the window was a good idea.

So what that his room was on the 2nd floor! So what that his room was on the front of the building - which sat on top of a hill ( so everyone for a good square mile could see me)! This was principle, dammit.

I carried my friends loft ladder down the stairs from the 4th floor. I brought a milk crate - Cause I didn't think it would reach the 2nd floor without a boost. I climbed said ladder. I could j-u-s-t reach the window - which I managed to get somewhat open.

We now move into "Fiasco".

The ladder fell. I was hanging on to the edge of the window ledge from the 2nd story - in front of the entire campus. I couldn't pull myself Up, cause the window wasn't open enough.

I was yelling for the guy in question to help me ( which he never did - On one hand I think "What an asshole" - on the other, I may have left crazy me out there too!)I hung on as long as I could.....and then fell. Hard. Hit the milk crate. Hurt the hell out of my ankle. Had to lay in the shrubbery for a while before I could get up...and climb up the 4 flights of stairs to my room. Of course, I needed to stop at the 2nd floor to yell at his door.

Honestly, it was the only relationship in which I became the crazy girlfriend. He and I were not a good combination, as if this wasn't clear. That may have been the last time we spoke to one another, which was clearly for the best.

So - Give me your crazy girlfriend stories. Not the justifications for WHY you became the crazy girlfriend. I could write a whole book about what drove me Nuts about this guy, but that isn't the point. The point was when I jumped the shark from annoyed to crazy.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

True Wife Confession 133 Blaster Worm

Confession #1321

I am the girl you married, I haven't changed a bit. So just remember you thought it was cool when I cheated on him with you.

Confession #1322

Last night I felt like getting up and leaving to see him. If you can’t take care of my needs, then I just go back to my old ways. Fuck it!!! I tried but its not working come now. Let’s get busy when I want to not just when you want too. Every 4th day is not working for me I want it every day.

Confession #1323

Thank you, for being the loving forgiving man that you are.
I don't deserve you, but I am truly glad that I have you. I would
be completely lost if I didn't have you. I know that I have done you wrong
in the past and you have forgave me, and I know it will take some time to forget
but I know in my heart that one one day you will.

Honey, I love you

Confession #1324

We are in the process of divorcing. You haven’t spent anytime with OUR children in weeks. Yet, you say I am selfish because I’d like you take them one day this weekend. Yes, I know you have Guard drill next weekend. Yes, I know you had it last weekend. Don’t forget I have Guard drill as well. We have one weekend off from Guard in December, but you make plans all weekend. Who’s the selfish one here?

While we are at it…you have been pretty crappy about providing child support. Your lawyer says you don’t have to since I didn’t ask for temporary support. Hmm…so that means your children go into suspended animation?

Also, you say you don’t have enough money to help out. But, you have enough money to throw a party this weekend. It shows where your priorities are…..wonder why I left?

Confession #1325

We seem to have a perfect life. Great house, great yard, 2 kids, one of each, exactly two years apart. They're sweet and sassy and fun to take care of most of the time. We don't fight about money, family - OOoo but that leaves the big one - SEX! Why do I have no desire for you? Why do I dream about reclaiming passion I know I had within at other times in my life, but I can't summon it up for you at all? Is it because you like to watch porn on the computer, not just the act but a scripted scene where a young girl (legal) gets "taken advantage" of but eventually comes to like it. Is it the weird sex toy you bought for yourself? You tell me I'm beautiful, and sexy, and everything you've ever wanted, but you don't enjoy making out with me. Snuggling makes you feel too cramped. Public Displays of Affection offend your propriety. I lay there waiting for you, knowing I ought to be "paving the road" so I can seem more into it for you, but I don't feel like it. It's just not me, using all those tools so I'll be ready when you come for me. Is any of that your job?

Did it start our second date, when I said I wanted to hold off on sex, and you said you didn't think the relationship would work. And I was so desperate to not be old and alone that I chased you, and made you into the right one. So I could have the life I dreamed of, dammit.

Is it because you give me used or old or second hand gifts. Or gifts I choose for you.

You don't know why I don't want it. I don't know if I will ever want it again. But I remember what it felt like to really want someone, and it gets me through a lot of gloomy spells.

Confession #1326

I do not know why I care that you did not correct your daughter when she asked why you and her mom got a divorce. You where never married to her. I know the concept of marriage is a bit big for a five year old, but it kind of hurt me. Just because you and her mom where never married does not make her any less of your child, but by promoting her mother to wife status makes me feel less. I know we agree not to burden the kids with grown up topics, but she asked. I have to wonder if it was her mother who started all this. Maybe introducing her to the truth slowly in five year old terms will help her to not make the same more difficult choices her mother, and you have made later in life. You can not change the truth. You people as parents need to learn from this. Your choices effect your kids forever. And I am the only wife. There is some substance to that for me.

Confession #1327

I will never leave you voluntarily, not in a Fatal Attraction kind of a way. Just that I never want to lose you

Confession #1328

Have you even noticed that I took my wedding rings off this spring? Have you wondered why? Do you care?

Confession #1329

With him, I can forget. Forget about the problems, the disappointments.
He tells me I'm sexy, beautiful & when I'm with him, I am.
He makes me forget how self conscious I am about my body, he tells me he loves my curves, then shows me he does.
He makes me feel so powerful, so very female.
I will never leave you, he will never leave her.
I love you, He loves her.
But until him?
I never knew what they meant by CHEMISTRY.
I never knew *I* could be like that, want that bad, move that way.
I know it will end, I know why it will end, & I also know that after, a month or 10 years later, it will start again.

Confession #1330

You will never really understand me.

Monday, December 11, 2006

True Wife Confession 132 Eclipses of Saros

Confession #1311

To my co-worker,

I know you're married and you'd never say anything. If you did, I'd pretend to be offended. You make me feel attractive. I walked past you several times on Tuesday just to watch your eyes flicker from my breasts to my sexy-as-hell red leather boots with the four inch heels. You really like those boots, don't you? I'll wear them again for you tomorrow.

Confession #1312

I hate the smacky noise you make when you kiss me

Confession #1313

To... I don't know what to call you anymore...

I thought I loved you. I said I did. When you asked me to marry you after we'd been "together" a week, I seriously thought about it. Now? I find it hard to imagine us actually together. You have dreams, aspirations, desires; but I'm getting tired of hearing "It is what it is." Today: "Romance is seriously overrated." Really? Do you really feel that way? You didnt when we got together. Is it because you're comfortable with me and think I'll always be here? Waiting while you get your life together. You live almost a thousand miles away, but the plane ticket is only $250, and you cant take an hour on a plane to see me? I covered for you, telling all my friends you missed the plane in October because you'd had a car wreck going into the airport. Your story, remember? Are you really coming for my birthday in January? You havent bought your ticket yet, and I've got plans already. Just like I've got plans for New Year's Eve. And tomorrow night. I'm just too much a coward to tell you yet.

I love you, I think. But I need a real man to hold me. Not just one who has a great job and a good education. I don't think you can be that man for me. I don't love you, I think.

I knew you were having issues with the mother of a child who is supposedly yours. But face it! She wouldnt let you be there for the birth, she didnt let you be involved with naming the baby. For God's sake! She didnt put you on the birth certificate! But yet, because she keeps telling you the baby is yours, you keep paying more than double the child support I should be getting for both of my children. Yet, she still trys to keep you from seeing the baby.

Where are your real loyalties. I must be stupid. I hope my date tomorrow is worth it.

Confession #1314

You have accused me of cheating for so long and so often that I finally did it, just to have something valid to be accused of. And do you know what? He's so much better than you are. I married you so young (and have been faithful! all this time!) that I never knew what good sex was. But now I do. And I'm going to keep doing it.

Confession #1315

To my ex:

You are the dumbest fucking idiot ever. When we were together you stole
from me, you crashed my brand new car, you wrecked my finances, and on top
of that you beat me constantly. Even after we found out I was pregnant.
You made me feel like I was incapable of deserving any thing better. You
almost ruined me, in fact you did for awhile. But us breaking up was the
best thing to ever happen to me. I have the most beautiful, wonderful son
in the world. I am graduating college in two weeks, my finances are back in fact I just bought a house. And I have a man that loves me so
much that he takes care of your son like his own. All of this I did with no
help from you ever. You have no idea what an opportunity you are missing by
not giving a damn about your son, but you know what I am glad you don't
because it saves me from having to undo the damage you would undoubtedly
inflict upon him if you did spend time with him. So you know what, Thank
you! Thank you for my beautiful son, thank you for teaching me exactly how
I don't want to be treated, so that when I found the man that would treat me
like I deserve that I would snatch him up. You brought us together with the
dumb shit you did and for that I will always be grateful. By the way when
my son grows up to become a better man than you will ever be, you better not
come looking to him for handouts because your life is still fucked up.

Confession #1316

On restless nights, I get annoyed that you are sleeping peacefully while I'm tossing and turning. Some nights, I'll shove you. You wake up and ask whats wrong. I lie saying you were snoring. It doesn't help me fall asleep but it makes me feel better.

Confession #1317

Why do you ask me what I want for Christmas? You never get me any of the things I ask for.

Confession #1318

You are the only man I can see myself growing old with

Confession #1319

I love you so much. Meeting you was like meeting the other half of my soul. We clicked so fast, and so strongly. I've never felt like that before.

That's why walking away from you is so brutal, for both of us. All you had to do was stop using drugs and start acting like the 35-year-old man you actually some financial responsibility, pay your bills on time, grow up.

If you'd have done those two things, and learned to manage your temper, I'd have married you. I would have. And I'd have done anything for you. But after a year, it's clear to me that using drugs means more to me than being with me.

Baby, I'm a mom with kids. I can't have that in my house. I can't have that in my life. I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever meet anyone like you, and I am so sad I can't hardly stand it.

Why couldn't you have loved me more than a little pot, a little ecstasy? Was I worth so little to you?

Confession #1320

I miss you every day. Some days I can almost smell you, or hear your voice again.
I would have laughed at you if you told me I had met the love of my life when I was 20. But today, in the car, I thought about you and I cried. About what we should have built together, about the child we didn't have, about the paths our lives have taken and how I don't think we will ever be able to be together. There are days I wish I never met you, you know. There are days when I wish I had never let you into my heart. Would I have been satisifed with the compromises I have made if I had not known that I could love someone the way I love you? So, I don't contact you - and you don't contact me, because it would be too hard for me, for you too, I think.

I wish I could erase you, because the pain of longing for you is too terrible.