Thursday, December 27, 2007

True Wife Confession 226 moments of silence

Confession #2251

When I left the house last Thursday I was so mad at you. I was planning
on staying out with the girls until you were in bed so I wouldn't have
to talk to you when i got home. And then it happened. Some idiot in a
big truck, going too fast, in a big hurry drove through the back of my
car. I was sitting in the middle of the road crosswise with the back of
my car totally smashed, I looked my girlfriend said call the police, and
I called you, crying hysterical in shock and said you have to come. You
were the only one I wanted. And you came, and it didn't matter anymore,
the car, the being mad, all that mattered was that you were there. I
love you.

Confession #2252

Two days ago you sat down to the pasta with ricotta cheese and fresh spinach that I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have dissolved the sugar in a little warm water before adding it to the salad dressing because the dressing was too vinegar-y. Yesterday you sat down to the chicken enchiladas I made, from scratch, and while the pan was still bubbling from the oven, you told me that I should have put spices and fried onions in the rice.

I told you that it was two days in a row that you'd bitched about what I'd set in front of you, and if you wanted to make dinner tomorrow I would happily wait for it to hit the table and then I'd tell you exactly what I thought of it.

If you think you're making a meal tonight out of the leftovers from the past two nights, you son of a bitch, you are so wrong. You are so fucking wrong.

Confession #2253

I'm the smiling, always happy girl, you see & constantly call "sweet", with the "perfect life", perfect "significant other", & "perfect family".

The only thing is, I'm not.

My life is about other people. My life is about hiding me, outta fear that someone will discover this deep dark secret I hold in my heart, but can't tell a soul. I thought "he" knew, the loving boyfriend every other girl is jealous of, but if he does, he doesn't let on. I told him I was almost raped by a man, I couldn't say the whole thing once I started crying, but the thing is, he doesn't know what man.

My father, who everyone rants about being "great", beat the crap outta me behind closed doors. He mentally tears me down, constantly pointing out my every flaw. He punched me in my face once, my lip was enlarged far beyond anything normal. Boyfriend asked about it, so I told him. I opened up. He wanted to go "beat" him in return & I told him no, not to since I'm deathly afraid of him. He didn't. I still hate him for not doing anything, but he made his choice & I made mine. I'll leave him over it eventually - when I get up the guts.

I think my father "raped" me, but I'm not sure. I remember waking up once, half dressed, & him freaking out, making me drink something, then passing out again. I wish I could convince myself I dreamed it. I know I didn't dream it though, that's the sick part. He's constantly in my life, stalking my every move, & making sure I'm what he wants me to be in life. He's obsessed & has nothing else, but he did that to me, I know he did & every time I start kissing a man, I think of that. I freeze up & can't move, I get scared to death the man I'm with will find out I'm not his alone.

I'm in fear of feeling. I pick fights to try to make my boyfriend leave, but he hasn't. Yet, but I know he will eventually. He said he won't, but eventually he'll tire of my ranting & leave. I'm scared to feel, cause I know if I do, I'm going to crumble inside. I'm tired of playing "happy". I'm tired of being something I'm not, but I have no idea how to escape it, so instead, I play "happy", act like the world is roses & candy canes, then move on w/my life.

Someday, things will be better & my life will be what I'm dreaming. That's what I keep hoping for, to have someone to talk to & confide in, but I don't know what to do. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm resentful.

I hate my life & I have positively no way to change it, so I will act like I do until I finally get the courage to end it all.

Confession #2254

I read this a long time ago

a certain sadness
touches me
in thoughts too deep to share
not that you never loved me
but that I cease to care

Confession #2255

The other morning I woke up and was happy because my cold was finally gone. The day before a co-worker had taken me clothes shopping as my christmas gift. I asked if you wanted to see my clothes and you said sure. I know the moment i showed you the pants that you were going to say something about how big they are. But you took it a step further than I thought you would by telling me, "Honey why are you so big? None of my ex wives were that big. I can't believe you are so big!" Well, you know what I have to say? FUCK YOU AND YOUR EX WIVES!!! They didn't live my life and neither did you. You don't complain about how fat I am when you have sex with me. Maybe next time I should tell you, "Honey why is your dick broke??None of my ex boyfriends had broke dicks!!" You are a selfish, self-centered, ungrateful, sleazy piece of crap!!! I know you only married me because I was pregnant and you needed a green card. I am not as foolish as you & your mom think. Everyday my love for you diminishes more and more with all the disrespect you show me. Next time you want ice cream get it yourself, you want a foot massage, oh, well, so do I, do it yourself!!

Confession #2256

I'm not premenstrual. I'm just tired of putting up with your shit.

Confession #2257

I have posted here before, but I feel the need to confess again. I can’t get him out of my mind. I am married and I love him. But………………………

I love another man too. Please don’t bash me. The other man doesn’t want me anymore. I pushed him away and he finally took the bait…… I am so upset. I did this to myself because I am selfish. To every woman that thinks you can have your cake and eat it too, please believe me, you can’t. I miss the “other man”. I hope and pray that all of you take heed in my mistake. I am a fool, I have a wonderful husband……I know I am wrong…….. I will have to live with this and never will be with him again. So here I sit, feeling like a complete fool and I should… so remember when you think about cheating…………. It’s not all what you think… it’s true that your feelings do get in the way.

Confession #2258

Dear Husband,

I know that you love me with all of your heart, especially since I took in your 6 year old son (which has turned my life uspide down) and I now treat him as if he was my own and still deal with the effects of his psychotic mom.... But, how could you not have even purchased a card for me for Christmas?? I know that we said that we wouldn't buy each other anything because we are low on money and we wanted to spoil the kids, but I did go out and buy you a GPS system! I know I went back on my word for not buying you anything, but I love you and I know that you needed it terribly for your new job. But card. Come on. They cost 2 dollars, or 50 cents at the Dollar Store! I don't know if you noticed but it took everything in me not to cry on Christmas morning. I had to even buy my own gift from Santa, along with yours (even though you knew what they were). I know now you feel like an ass, but that is not the point. Sometimes you need to think about my feelings. Small things do really matter to me, no matter what I say. I am dealing with so much right now and I don't know when the breaking point will be. I could never leave you because we are meant to be together but you need to start changing some of your ways. I love you...but think about me sometimes and my feelings. I always think about you.

Confession #2259

You are such an ass! I've listened to you whine for days about how ill you are, and I'm right there getting you hot tea, a blanket when you're chilled, more Tylenol, etc, but I've been sick for the same number of days, and still I put on a happy face and hosted a fantastic Christmas Day including a lovely Christmas dinner for you and your side of the family. And what do I get? You being more of an ass. No news there, right hon? Well the news is I've had it with your complaining and self-serving behavior. Get over yourself. You're not the only one who feels like crap. I've had to suck it up and get on with things, now it's your turn. Be a man!!

Confession #2260

How did it ever come to this? I am not a bad person, but you would never know that from my actions. I wonder if everything we are now is because I lured you in somehow. I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships. They all basically end the same. I am a slave to my impulses. I know I am spinning now, I am falling apart. We are falling apart.

We have been through so much. We got engaged even though we had known each other less than a year. We moved in together. We lost our home in the flood after the levees failed in Hurricane Katrina. We lost our jobs. We got married, only a couple of months after the flood. It was a wedding that I threw together in the midst of all that turmoil. I really can't think of to many times in our wedded life that I or even we have been truly happy. We just go through the daily routine. There is no romance. There is no communication. There are really even no common interests. I had to quit my job because of my bad judgment topped with my drinking too much got me in a bad situation. When I was going to that counselor it was to try to sort out what is going on with me in my head. I had to stop seeing her though because she really didn't get me. And now I have no where else for help. I know you think if I get back on meds it would help, but it wouldn't. I can't be a zombie anymore. And now my Dad is dying. He is so frail, and not himself anymore. And I don't know what I am going to do without him.

If you only knew the things that I have done, the men that I have been with. You would be crushed. I cheat on you every time I get the chance. And everyone knows, my friends, family, everyone but you. I have made a cuckold out of you. The worst part is there is only a part of me that is sorry. The rest of me just doesn't know what to think. And the worst part is most are not even nearly as good as you. You work hard, you never complain, and you are a good and honest man, but on the down side you are lazy. I feel like you aren't even concerned with my needs. We used to have great sex. Really great sex. You used to talk to me. You used to hold me. You used to worship me. One day it just stopped. You are too tired. You would rather watch T.V. You would rather spend time with the damn dogs. I feel so alone, especially when I am with you.

I did start to make arrangements for a divorce. I tried to leave. But, with this situation with my family going on I have to wait this out. I really don't want my Dad to find out and go to his death worrying about me. And I really have no where to go. I have no job, though I am really looking. Last night, at the Christmas party that you made me go alone to, I was with another man. You may as well have wrapped me in a damn bow for him. I didn't plan it, but I didn't resist to him at all. Still, I don't think you deserve to be made a fool of in front of all the people who saw us together last night. And I do fell a little bad, but only because this time I may get caught.

I just can't figure out why I can't hold any relationship together. All the major ones all end up just like this. I know it's a pattern. I know I am insanely impulsive. And I know I love the feeling of that newness. I love the feeling of someone who can match my passion. I really don't want to hurt you but I know that I will. That on some level leaves my stomach raw and twisting. I hate being so dishonest. I wish you got my rock and roll soul.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

True Wife Confession 225 number of squares on a Scrabble board.

Confession #2241

Our relationship and marriage started off almost 8 years ago today and I'm in need of something new. I love you but hate to be around you. There is just something about the way you treat me that has caused me to start having these feelings. I pretend I'm doing other things just to not be around you. Now the end is coming I'm afraid. The last time we had sex because it sure wasn't making love I felt nothing. I was numb to everything. I didn't enjoy it I won't even lie. After you finished you didn't even ask me if I was done you just rolled over and went to sleep like I wasn't even there. Well now I'm taking a stand. I've bought my own personal sex toy and I must say it has out performed you in the bedroom numerous times. Does this make you wonder that a silicon vibrator is better in bed then you are. It's sad. You have already lost me and every part of me. Now it's time I should tell you to go and move along. Maybe I'll tell you on Christmas.

Confession #2242

I haven't posted to TWC before, although I've spent longer than I should have, at work, reading through the posts and identifying with many!

I have done something so ridiculous, so utterly not like me and so amazingly dangerous and stupid that despite the fact I know I did it I can't believe myself.

For a long time, well over a year, the husband and I have been talking about separating. We'd had a baby and suddenly, the usual cracks just started to gape and the distances between us got wider and it just didn't seem worth it. I couldn't remember what it was like to be first married, although I was sure it had been wonderful; but the feelings escaped me completely. We were tied up in footling minutiae and sniping at each other, scoring points and being generally horrid. I was more horrid than him.

For a very long time indeed I've had a male friend who had also been a sometime lover before I was married - definitely unfinished business. For some reason I have never yet been able to explain to myself I let this man seduce me by email, really believed what he was saying to me, actively participated in making a fool of myself in print, and then, god help me, met up with him and had sex.

Suddenly, the moment I got home, I realised with horror what I'd done and what I had to lose. A husband who loves me and understands me, someone who doesn't get mad or shut himself off or make himself emotionally unavailable, someone who doesn't play mind games. Someone who is actually THERE, at home and there for me. I stood to lose my child, at least for half the time. I stood to lose my home, which we've worked so hard for and at, and which is so much more than a house. My garden.

I guess I could have avoided the issue and tried to forget it - I'm not built like that. Come what may, admitting the crime means at least you care enough to take the flak. I did admit the crime, and it was terrible... days of talking and crying and knowing that the man I married was bitterly disappointed in me and that he would never look at me the same way again. That's hard to live with. Every day I wake up feeling as though there was something terrible that I've forgotten - and then I remember that there is. I am an adultress.

My thoughts constantly turn back to 'why?'. Why go there at all? Why indulge in this pseudo-spiritual email nonsense? Why let this person fool and bamboozle me again after all the times they've done it before? Why believe in them, when they so patently don't believe in me? What was I hoping to gain? I knew this person would never leave their parter for me - there was no chance at all. Was that even what I wanted?

All I can think was, it was like a suicide. I threw myself off the bridge, under the car, whatever; in the second or two before impact I suddenly changed my mind because the important things suddenly jumped into focus. It's not a very good explanation I know. But it's all I can come up with.

I am now struggling to get back to some semblance of normality, shaking with disbelief that I've been offered a chance to continue being married, straining to think of things that will show how much I care, how much I cared but didn't show it. Trying so hard to keep the petty, small-minded, pointless badgering inside. I don't need to treat this man among men that way - in the end, he's proved himself the spiritual and emotional equal of anyone else on the planet; he's proved he has a generous, forgiving and loving nature, and he's proved he loves me.

Just need another 75 or 80 years now to try and make up for even one iota of this stupid, sordid, pathetic, self-inflicted mess. I'll do it or die trying.

Confession #2243

My days are spent at a computer engaged in technical writing, so I am not as verbal or eloquent about my feelings as you are. When I do have something sweet to say, I wish you'd stop interrupting me with your own compliments. They're lovely sentiments, but they derail my train of thoughts and I end up irritated. Just listen and give me a kiss when I'm done.

Confession #2244

Dear Husband,

When I went away a few months ago to visit my girlfriend, I did. But I spent all of the nights with another man in my hotel room. It wasn't what I'd planned on. I'd talked to him some before, there were certainly sexual undertones, but I never dreamed either of us would cross that line. We didn't sleep together, but we came awfully close. He took me to dinner. He paid my taxi fare. He made me feel beautiful, sexy and absolutely like the only woman in the room.

And I realized on my way home that I didn't feel bad for lying in his arms, and not yours. I realized that this man made me feel inheritantly female. And you stopped after our child was born. You don't like the way I look. You tell me if I would only lose this or that, change this or that, you'd want to sleep with me again.

This man ran his hands all over my body, past the imperfections, and made my world spin madly around.

He is asking me to fly back out, but I am refusing.

I still want that feeling with you.

Confession #2245

My Husband:

I love you more than I can express. I can't imagine my life without
you. I love the life we have. I love that we have a beautiful 3
month old son. I love that you only want me to be happy and want to
do anything in your power to make me happy even though I am suffering
from postpartum depression. I love that you work hard everyday to
allow me to be a stay at home mom. I love you that you think I am
sexy even though I don't feel like it. I love that I feel safe
with you. I love that my friends are jealous of me because I have a
husband isn't afraid to show his love for me. I am one of the
luckiest women I know. I love you, My love biscuit.

Your Wife

Confession #2246

I think I might be pregnant.

I already know what you will say if I am. My answer is already no. If I am pregnant, we will be having this baby, so I wish I could tell you somehow to not even bother asking.

Confession #2247

I cannot believe how much you disrespected me in front of my coworkers. Every time you were telling me to shut up I would look up and someone would be staring at us and then give us an awkward smile. It was embarrassing, I was having a good time and you ruined it. YOU ASS, I work all year long and don't ever get a raise or a bonus or even a thank you, except for the Christmas party, and you turned it into treat me like shit night. You're an ass.

Confession #2248

Given the opportunity, I will have a Lesbian experience. I love you. I love being with a man. But, I can't help but think that I am missing out on something by not exploring my Bi curiosity.

Confession #2249

I really, really hate you. You are putting nails in the coffin of our marriage, one by one, slowly but surely. Do you not see how selfish you are? Do you not notice that I do nothing extra for you anymore, when I used to enjoy doing so many things for you, going out of my way to be nice and helpful to you. It's not just because I'm a bitch, it's because I'm sick and tired of doing for you and doing for you and getting nothing in return.

It's a shame that your job, hell, everything is more important to you than your family. You can't put our family or me first and it's sad. You're going to be one lonely guy and it's going to be all of your own doing. Your job is sucking you dry and you're letting it happen. The place would survive without you being there putting in all the long hours that you do, that amazingly you don't get paid for, as you're salaried and get no comp time.

I have so very little respect for you. Your kids know how you are and contrary to what you think, I don't talk bad about you to them. They can see how you are, how you have no time for them and don't want to spend time with them ever. Sad.

Confession #2250

There's a reason it's called "work". If it were fun, we'd pay THEM to do it. I'm sick of hearing you complain about it.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Thank you to the TWC community

My name is Ida and I had previously posted to TWC concerning my husband’s fetish and desire to cum on my face, a practice I felt was totally disgusting. These feelings existed between my husband and me for quite a while and finally I got to the point where I needed to vent my frustration and is where TWC entered the story. My posting generated quite and stir and so much feedback that it is what gave birth to Dawn's initiation of the Saturday Sex Chat feature. At the time of the original posting, some of the comments posted opened my eyes to certain aspects associated with my issue that I hadn't considered, so I had committed to post a follow up to describe how the issue was finally resolved. For those of you who are not familiar with the original post, I would recommend before you read this post any further, visit and read the original post and associated comments. It was posted on Monday, November 19 under the Group titled "True Wife Confessions 221 B Baker Street", post number 2208. For those of you who are familiar, the following describes what happened after the original posting and how things turned out. As mentioned in my comments to the 2208 posting, your comments made me pause because there were many aspects associated with my husband desiring to cum on my face that I hadn't thought about and frankly, my hard stance of disgust and anger became muted and allowed me to evaluate the overall situation and my feelings and reaction to the act. The first thing following the posting to TWC was to tell my husband I had major issues with him cumming on my face and until I was able to resolve those issues (and yes, I told him he would be involved in the resolution process), I would not allow him to do this to me. At first he didn't take it very well and pouted like a little boy but after a few days he got over it and gave me the space I needed to bring the issue to closure. The first revelation had to do with my aversion to the practice of a man cumming on a woman's face, specifically due to my lack of knowledge on how much this was accepted as "normal" sex for couples in the bedroom, and not just something done to porn actors and prostitutes. This eliminated the "I am all alone" feelings I had about this. The next breakthrough was associated with my feelings that this act was totally for him and from which I derive no pleasure. When he would cum on my face there were two things I had to deal with. The first was my disgust for the act and my belief that it is an abnormal practice for married couples and the second (which is directly tied to the first), I would not be in any way sexually aroused when the act occurred. The two ingredients in this recipe guaranteed the same outcome every time my husband came on my face, anger and disgust. Basically, I would just lay there and he would do it to me and that would be that. No satisfaction, just anger. Two weeks ago, I sat down with my husband and told him I was ready to discuss the issue with him. At that time, I told him he didn't understand the feelings I was harboring when he came on my face even though I told him I didn't enjoy and didn't really like him doing it to me. I then told him about TWC and how I posted as a means of venting my anger and frustration. He initially became upset about me making our personal sex life public, but when I told him the posting was anonymous, he calmed down. I went to the computer and pulled up TWC and my post and asked him to read it. He did and when he finished reading, he just sat there in silence, staring at the screen. He eventually got up from the chair and we embraced for what seemed like eternity and yes, we both did shed a few tears. He did not realize the depth of anger I had been feeling over this. I told him I would be willing to once again allow him to cum on my face but I still had a difficult time with it being a "one way" act. I told him we needed to figure out a way for me to get pleasure out the act along with him so we can share vice one giving and one receiving. We did find a way and here's how. We have tried this several times and each time it worked with no negative feelings. We lay and bed and fondle one another, getting each other sexually aroused. I would bring him to the point of erection and gently stroke him to keep him erect but not to the point of cumming. He would rub my pussy, working me with his fingers until I am very wet and nearing the point of orgasm. Next, he would leave my side and stand alongside the bed where I would suck his penis while he would be rubbing my clit with his finger. The next part takes a little practice because I want to be nearing peaking but do not want to orgasm before he cums so we signal to one another when there is a need to slow down. When he is ready to cum, he lets me know and removes his penis from my mouth and grasps it with his hand allows it shoot wherever he desires. While he his bringing himself to orgasm, I am continuing to rub my clit to keep myself near peak arousal but not to orgasm. After he finishes cumming on my face, he goes down between my legs and brings me to orgasm using his tongue. It is amazing on how my feelings about having cum on my face changed when it occurred when I was sexually aroused. I no longer focused on what his cum felt like or its smell while on my face because my mind was totally fixated on my own pleasure. I guess it proves the fact if you say and think you hate something long enough, when you try it you will hate it. As for the cleanup, he goes to the bathroom to get a warm wet washcloth and gently and lovingly wipes his cum from my face so I don't even have to get out of bed. We've even tried this method of parallel arousal for blowjobs finishing with him cumming in my mouth and me swallowing. Even though I've done it for him in the past, I found the taste of his cum objectionable and really had to force the swallow. Once again, having him cum in my mouth and swallowing while at a peak state of sexual changed my whole reaction to the feel and taste of his cum. Now, I am not particularly about the aftertaste of his cum but I found having a glass of wine next to the bed easily solves the problem.

With all of this said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank TWC and all of you who provided comments to my original posting. You have changed mine and my husbands life by, bringing us closer together, eliminating destructive anger that had entered our lives and helping us make our sex life more fulfilling. Who says one person cannot make a difference? Ida

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Saturday SexChat at TWC Dec 15th edition

One of the holy grail of sex questions:

"So what is the secret to giving a good blow job? "


"What do you advise for somebody (male or female) whose partner will not perform oral even if requested."

Monday, December 10, 2007

True Wife Confessions 224 happy holiday memories

Confession #2231

I want to ask you to have an open marriage, but I don't know how. I think it would hurt your feelings too much and I don't want to hurt you or leave you.

Confession #2232

So, let me start off by saying that I am not proud of my behavior, nor am happy with myself about what I have done. But in my defense, it’s not like I’m cheating or stealing or secretly a hooker or anything. With that said, when he left for work the other day. I found myself enjoying the quietness of our place and how I had all day to plan what I wanted to do that day. When it quickly hit me that he wasn’t home and maybe I could snoop for a bit.

You see, folks, he and I have been talking about marriage and all the pretty things that go along with it. I will admit that most of those conversations were brought up by myself, but the point is that I find myself thinking of the wedding, my dress, our honeymoon, kids, our future house, us growing old together, holidays together happy with both families – and it’s all I can think about. I am also #2188 (annoyed with people asking when we’re getting married), so even when I try not to obsess about it – walking into our grocery store and having the cashier ask me when we’re getting hitched sends me into a tailspin of wedding colors, house hunting, money managing and so on. None of this is an excuse for my behavior, just some understanding for my craziness.

I found a receipt for a ring. Yep, he bought it. He did it. So, there’s a ring and it’s here somewhere and he doesn’t know that I know and I can’t tell him I know because I found it by snooping, and even though he knows I’m a snoop I still won’t confess to him because I don’t want to ruin anything about that moment.

So, I confess that I am a little crazy and couldn’t stop the snooping and really wish that I would have stopped for one second and asked myself what exactly I was snooping for. I confess that all those thoughts of “Maybe he’s just not ready?” “Maybe he’s seeing how long he can take this?” “Maybe it’ll be another few years?” have gone away, but they are replaced with new thoughts of, “What does it look like!!!”. So, I’m sorry to my honey. I’m sorry that I snooped and found out something that deep down I would have loved to have been totally shocked and surprised about.

Been since I fucked that up for me – now I can just concentrate on out future together knowing that you are entirely on the same page as I am and with no doubts at all. Unless, the ring was bought for your secret girlfriend……….

Confession #2233

We almost never sleep in the same bed anymore and I miss you. It seems like a small thing, but it is really not helping our marriage - I forget what it feels like to have you next to me and when you do come to bed, I can't get comfortable.

Confession #2234

What on gods green earth do you have against Fresh fruits and vegetables? Every time I ask you to pick up anything, you come back with canned, processed or frozen food. I mean Honestly. Real apples do not cost more than applesauce

Confession #2235

Dear Husband,

I see the magazines are back. I'm so disappointed in you. When I was pregnant with the baby this summer, and I told you I was leaving you, you finally realized how much you were hurting me with them, and you lit a huge bonfire and thew them in. I really thought we would be ok then. You've recently told me not to go snooping through your stuff because you had my x-mas gift hidden away. I'm smarter then that, I know you better then that. Now I know the magazines are back, And I found them. I left a note telling you how disappointed I was in you on them. We shall see if you are man enough to admit it to me. I'm betting you aren't. And for the record, I rarely say no to sex, you usually do. So I made up my mind yesterday, if you want sex, go and have it with your hand and those paper girls. It gave me unending pleasure to say no to you last night and this morning. I'm still smiling about it now.

Your wife,

Confession #2236

You make me laugh in bed like no one I have ever known. Who knew that sex could be so intimate?

Confession #2237

When I didn't buy you a birthday present you confronted me about taking you for granted and I cried. It's true. I do take you for granted often and I am sorry. I told you then that I would try harder and I think I have been - but when I ask you what kind of gifts you want - stop saying "nothing". I don't want to get you something that you hate or will return. Give me a hint, point out something that you like - Anything.

Confession #2238

I like porn. When you aren't home, I watch some - especially gay male porn, which I could never watch around you without you calling me disgusting or a pervert.

Confession #2239

The fact that I can tell you to trim you nose hair and eyebrows and you don't get mad at me makes me love you all the more.

Confession #2240

I am so glad that I divorced you. You are a psychotic monster. And that's not just sour grapes on my part. That's a diagnosis given by two separate mental health professionals, both of whom treated you, and both of whom you ended treatment with, accusing me of "poisoning their minds." Whatever.

My life is so much better without you. I am laughing for the first time in years. I've made new friends and spent a blissful seven days over theThanksgiving holiday in Jamaica with my son...something I could never have done when we were together, because you were actually jealous of the time I spent with my own son. And if you and I had ever gone to Jamaica together, I would have had to pay for the entire trip and then listen to you complain the entire time, and pick fights with me because of your psychotic delusions.

I love my job and have been promoted twice since I left you. I haven't had to spend my workdays worrying about the dreadful evening waiting for me at home, and I haven't had to stop working 3 or 4 times a day to call you, so that you wouldn't harrass me with your paranoid accusations.

My relationship with my son has not only healed, it's soared to new heights. After seven days in Jamaica, he didn't want to leave. How many 12 year old boys can spend a week alone on vacation with their mother and not want the week to end? Yesterday he came out of his room, walked over to me, gave me a hug, told me, "I love you, Mommy," and went back into his room.

After a particularly bad day at work a few days ago, 2 of my coworkers called me at home just to check on me and ask if I was OK.

And three men have told me that they love me since I left you. I'm not interested in another relationship right now, I've got too much going for me to mess it up by bringing the wrong man into my life again. As I told you some time ago, I never make the same mistake twice. But I have to admit, it's nice to know I can still turn someone's head once in awhile.

You'll never read this. I suspect you're too busy looking at online porn and of course I made sure when I left you that you could no longer hack into my computer.

I'm writing this for all the women who are going through so much pain in their relationships, as evidenced here. I'm writing to let you all know that you CAN get past the pain and live the life you've always wanted to, the life you yearn for now. I know it sounds like a cliche, and that words are meaningless and cannot give you what you need, but I promise....the pain of loss is only temporary. And the benefit is a reality that words cannot touch.

Being alone is the greatest gift I've ever given myself.

And being so extremely egomaniacal and abusive that I felt forced to leave, even when I didn't really want to, was the greatest gift my ex-husband ever gave me.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Saturday SexChat TWC Dec 8th Edition

Another excellent Question:

"How do you know if you would be able to handle a threesome? We've talked about it several times and thinking of it certainly turns me on. I wonder if, come show time, i would be able to watch my husband (of five years) be sexually intimate with another woman. I wouldn't want to go through all the trouble of planning it and inviting someone to join us only to freak out."

And in other news, I suspect that Google/Blogger has deleted Desperately for being "too racy", although I have not gotten any official notification.

Sorry for my "lag" last week - papers to read, child out of school for all but two days - You know. Same old, Same old.

Keep sending in those confessions!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Saturday SexChat at TWC Dec 1st edition

Our first question is from a husband:

"I am not a wife but a husband who enjoys TWC which has helped me
recently evaluate my own marriage and relationship with my wife. We
have been married for 25 years with no prior marriages which seems at
time like an oddity in todays world. We are DINKs are marriage has
been good with many of the ups and downs I'm sure many couples face
(and observed by TWC posts). The problem is our sex life is almost
non-existent, not because we do not enjoy sex, but because our
schedules are so different, it is difficult to find a time when we're
in the mood. I work two jobs, get up at 4AM and her job works her
into the early evening (7:30 - 8PM). We share tasks so since I arrive
home before her, I walk and feed the dog, work my 2nd job (business
startup) so I can work from home fortunately. This schedule normally
has us eating dinner around 8:30 PM and frankly once we're done with
the meal and cleanup, I'm exhausted and am lucky to make it to 10PM
before heading off to bed. At that point I not physically or
emotionally prepared for sex. Our weekends are normally as hectic and
sex always seems to not on either of our minds but we both desire to
have a physical relation with one another. I am open to any and all
recommendations on how to get out of this rut and still be capable of
juggling all of the other balls in our life."

Thursday, November 29, 2007

True Wife Confessions 223 final chapter of Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-time

Confession #2221

I want to be a good mother...but what I really want more is to get wasted, so I can forget about how we used to love each other, forget about how I'm alone with a baby now, and possibly to continue flirting with your brothers. Oh, and drugs would be nice too. I will never neglect our child, but even if I do, you will never have occasion to find out. I bet you won't care because you will be too busy playing guitar anyway, you stupid teen father.

Confession #2222

I never thanked you for quitting smoking. I knew about your secret habit when we first started dating. I never said anything because I didn't have any evidence of it, and I didn't want to start an agrument. I had just finished a five year relationship where my boyfriend promised on a weekly basis that he would quit, or at least cut back, but he never even put up the effort and it always led to a huge fight.

Then, almost after a year of dating, you confessed about your habit. You also confessed that you had just recently quit...for me. You knew I didn't approve so you gave it up, and without me ever asking you to or fighting over it.

So now that we're married, whenever you annoy the crap out of me, I remember the things that make you such a wonderful person, like quitting something I greatly disapproved of without any persuasion on my part. So thank you.

Confession #2223

Dear Husband, YOU SUCK!

Confession #2224

I am in love with my cousin. I have no intention of doing anything
about it, but his presence makes me glow with joy. I hope it's not
painfully obvious. How embarrassing!

Confession #2225

Sometimes I think you are such a loser. You hardly shower anymore, you don't shave, you don't do anything for me. But you wonder why sometimes it seems like I'm not turned on by you?

Maybe that's because you've finally noticed me ... now that I'm noticing your friends. They're hot. And clean. And they smell good. And they might not be built up or anything, but at least they aren't soft. You gripe that you're too fat, and whine like a high-school girl when there's yet ANOTHER pair of jeans that you can't wear, but you do NOTHING about your gut that's getting bigger, or your ass that's getting fatter.

And why don't you want to go out and hang with me? Just because we live together doesn't mean we're 80 and we can't get out of the house. Maybe you're just too lazy ...

Or maybe you're afraid that someone else will notice me in a way that you haven't for a long time. And maybe you're afraid because because you know I'll notice them back.

The sad thing is, I'd rather you spend the effort making me notice you again instead of hiding me away so no one will steal me. Get off your lazy spreading butt and make sure I'm not stealable.

Confession #2226

DH: I love you with all my heart, you are a great man.
I have one really big problem that gets on my nerves time and time again but you wont listen to me.

Leave my sneakers alone!!!. They are my sneakers and even though i lace them right just to be able to slip them on.. they are still MY sneakers.
When ever you have to run outside or into the garage you wear my friggin sneakers.. yours are sitting right beside mine. Use them!
You went outside this weekend to play with DD. I thought i could join you. Enjoy the day.. but you had my shoes! And i am not going to wear yours. They are stiff and smelly.
Husband dear.. dont touch!

Confession #2227

I used to think that all your friends and family were just assholes and you were the victim of them badgering you. But after all these years, I am starting to realize that the reason they treat me like crap and don’t want us together is because you must talk shit about me behind my back. I’ve never given them a reason to hate me or think badly of me, but yet they all do. Your parents didn’t want you to marry me, your siblings spoke out against us being together, and two of your oldest friends tried to talk you out of proposing. You had me believing that it’s an us against them thing, when really its you being your own worst enemy. You talk shit about them so that I feel bad for you, but in turn I end up hating them, so I can only assume that you do the same to them. No wonder they all refuse to join us for parties!

I love you, really I do. I feel like we are a good match, but I am just starting to realize some things about you that either I never noticed before or I refused to see them until now. Snap out of it! Stop sabotaging your relationships! Don’t you want your family and your wife to get along? Don’t you want to be able to have a fun time with both you friends and your wife? I just hope that over time you learn to stop doing this and change. Marriage changes everything, right? All my friends tell me that once you get married, everything is different – I just hope that that includes changing bad to good.

Confession #2228

You know that god awful silk flower arrangement on the mantle? The one
your mother made you to "match" the "decor" at your old bachelor pad?
Four feet tall, three feet wide, burgundy, baby blue and pink? With
the single, inexplicable bunch of grapes? Just so you know, it is
ABSOLUTELY getting lost in the next move

Confession #2229

Last week you told me in front of our friends that you might think about asking me to marry you if I would quit talking about it... I don't know why you don't listen to my marriage comments a little more closely asshole! I have never once talked about marrying you. I have said that someday I would like to get married and have children but I have never said I would like to marry YOU!

I was told by your brother-in-law in August that you and him had looked at "rings." I am happy that he "slipped up" and told me about it because it gave me an opportunity to "head off" whatever you had in mind. If you would listen a little more closely you would hear things like I am not ready for marriage right now and I would like to buy ME a house next year. How do get that I talk about marriage all the time from those comments??? First of all, I am 31 years old and I haven't waited this long to get married to someone I had to push in to it... I am not some little girl who doesn't know her worth or that life is to long to live with an asshole. I know what I am worth and what I expect out of a realtionship and frankly, this isn't it! Second of all, what makes you think it's all your choice??? Before you go buy a ring you might want to clean the peanut butter out of your ears.

Confession #2230

Sometimes, OK most times it really sucks that my male co-worker and I talk more than you and I do. My own husband. When I hear my co-worker say, "She doesn't drink coffee, she likes tea" or he sends me an article about something he knows I will agree with him on, do you even know what political party I associate myself with? I mean this man knows so many things about me, about us, about our kids and I know about him and his family. I can tell you what news channel he prefers, I can tell when its him walking up behind me because I recognize his steps. I don't have feelings for him, I love and adore you. I know you love me, I just wish you would take the time to "know and like" me. Just because we've been together for 7 years doesn't mean you know all you need to know. I hate feeling lonely, when I am not alone.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

True Wife Confessions 222 the mystery

Confession #2211

Tonight you made me feel awful. Have my B. A. in Creative Writing, on my way to get a masters, so when I submit a poem and the professor writes beautiful lines, amazing piece of poetry, I want to share it with you. OH and did I mention that I wrote the damn thing about you? MY amazing beautiful piece of writing was about you, someone who couldn't even stop being annoying for one second to listen to me read it. I was half way through it when you decided clicking a pen was more interesting than the poem I wrote about you. Let me tell you that was the last straw. I was having so many doubts about us, but now I know we cannot last if you can't even listen for a minute to something that interests me, something that is going to define my line of work, who I am. I write poetry and I always will, and I wish I had someone who cared. Don't I deserve someone who cares???

Confession #2212

Do you know how much I fall in love with you when you look into my eyes and tell me how beautiful I am? How my body craves your touch - even when we are just sitting together? As I approach 40, I am having the best sex of my life - with a man who I don't need to explain myself to, don't have to justify my quirks, don't have to apologize for being smart and opinionated. Watching you from the car, as you checked the air in the tires, it was all I could do to not start to cry because we found each other. Plus it was just so oddly masculine and hot to see you checking air pressure and making sure that the tires were perfectly inflated.

Confession #2213

To My Husband,

Maybe we need this time apart, even if it's just the weekend, even
though we planned otherwise. Maybe we both need this time to think.
Maybe you need this time to do some soul searching and to ask yourself
if in fact you really want this marriage. Your words say you do, but
some of your actions say otherwise. Experience has taught me that
words are a cheap commodity. Like the words: "I love you more than you
know". I guess I don't know what your definition of love is, or maybe
it's just that my expectations of love are simply too high. Either
way, the same issue keeps rearing its ugly head and we're both ending
up angry and frustrated and hurt and sooner or later one of us is
going to give up.

You seem content to stonewall me on the issue of the phone numbers and
atm withdrawals I saw when we were first together. Just as you're
obviously content to make up excuses about what I saw this past
Thursday. It's the same song, different verse for every sad and
sickening thing that's happened in between. And I'm just supposed to
buy the excuses, let go of the past, move on. It's not that simple.
Dr. Phil says that the best predictor of future behavior is past
behavior. So is this what I have to look forward to if we have a

Not much of a future if you ask me. All the pretty little things can't
take the place of feeling safe in the love of my husband. But right
now I don't feel safe. I feel vulnerable and frightened and threatened
by your actions, your words of denial, your refusal to acknowledge
that WE, not just you, WE have a problem. A problem WE can only
address and deal with if you admit your role in it.

I want so badly for this marriage to work, for us to have a future
filled with happiness and love. But at this very moment, I don't see
that happening, and that single thought brings me to my knees with
sadness. I hope you'll take the next few days to think about us and
whether or not you really want this marriage. If you do, then you've
got some work to do, starting with getting honest with me. I'll be
here, arms wide open, ready to welcome you in, ready to love you if
you'll take that first step.

Your Wife

Confession #2214

Do you actually think that "Are we ever going to have sex again?" is a come-on, especially in that argumentative tone? a) My period ended yesterday. It lasted 6 days. We had sex the day before it started. Am I supposed to have a magic on-off button for it? b) You are being a dick. Why would I want to have sex with you if you're taking out your stress on me all the damn time lately? Yeah, that's a real turn-on.

I can see why they say the first year of marriage can be tough.

Confession #2215

I knew you were having a bad day yesterday, so I
walked to the store in the pouring rain after work to
get you a beer, because I knew you'd want one with
dinner but wouldn't feel like going yourself to get
it. While I was there, I saw these cute little
single-serving cartons of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and
thought it would be fun to surprise you with dessert.
There were only a couple of flavors, so I bought one
of each. I was pretty excited, to tell the truth; I
love surprising you with little things like that.

So when I told you with a sly smile after dinner that
I'd bought you some ice cream, and you asked what
flavor, and I told you your choices and you responded
flatly, "I don't like either of those flavors, so you
bought yourSELF two things of ice cream," I was pretty
shocked. I told you sadly that those were the only
flavors they had, and you snapped, "That's all they
had in the WHOLE STORE? Two flavors?" I tried to
explain to you that they were a new thing, these tiny
little single-serving cartons over which I'd been so
excited, but you weren't interested. It apparently
didn't even occur to you to throw me a "Thanks

Right now, I regret that I didn't react to your
rudeness with anger, but at the moment I was so
shocked that all I could do was go into the bathroom
and cry. I don't think I could have been more shocked
by your reaction if you'd slapped me across the face.

This, I've come to realize, is one of the main
differences between us. Several months ago, when you
surprised me with beer on a friday night, it was a
kind of beer I disliked rather strongly, but I thanked
you for thinking of me and drank it anyway. I later
admitted sheepishly to you that I didn't like the
beer, but appreciated the gesture. You were a little
disappointed that I hadn't liked it, but I took care
to be gentle with your feelings.

I don't think I could articulate to you how much you
hurt me last night, but even if I could I know it
would be a mistake to bring it up again. You would
roll your eyes at me and tell me it's just ice cream,
that I'm overreacting and taking things too seriously.
If I told you I was hurt by your tone, by your
coldness, by your implication that I bought the ice
cream for myself and was just trying to pass it off as
a surprise for you, you would protest "But I never
SAID that," as if the only way you communicate is
through the literal meaning of your words.

My whole life, everything I do, is centered around
making things easier on you. I do all the household
chores, I take care of your pets, I cook, I manage all
the bills, all so that home will be a place of refuge
for you at the end of your workday. I don't take
pleasure in any of it-- housekeeping chores are boring
and unrewarding-- but I do it to spare you. I do it
so you won't have to lift a finger when you're off
work, so you won't even have to think about all the
work that goes into keeping this place running and
reasonably clean. You stopped thanking me years ago.
I doubt you even notice anymore.

I think if I treated you with the callous disregard
you regularly show for my feelings, you would have
divorced me already. Unlike me, you have the sense to
recognize that you don't deserve to be treated that
way. Maybe I should try to learn from you.

Confession #2216

You see our kids less than 5% of their lives. Why do you have to involve your girlfriend in that 5%? Can you not take care of the kids on your own?

Confession #2217

My darling husband,

When you thought I went to that conference last week, I was really meeting a reader of my blog and having sex with him. While it wasn't as good as it can be with you, at least he wanted me. He held me all night, waking me up with sweet kisses and caresses and making love to me (even without brushing our teeth - can you imagine?) He did all the things you used to do, but now only do once a year or so. And I would do it again, given the opportunity.

Confession #2218

Before you ever even consider getting married or living with a man live on your own, out of your parents house. Learn to be self sufficient and not depending on anyone to support you. I say this because when the day comes that you now realize you are married to an asshole, who could care less how you feel about anything, you will be able to leave at anytime and take care of yourself and your kids on your own.

Also, travel! Do lots of fun things. Don't wait for a man to take you somewhere, because this may never ever ever happen!

Don't marry someone who has huge dreams, but makes not effort to improve his income to make those dreams come true. All you will ever hear is go buy a lotto ticket, maybe we'll be rich. Yeah right dumb ass. Get a real job! Make an effort so MY DAD does not have to make up for what you don't provide because your too damn lazy to get a second job or even look for one that will pay you what you are worth! You're the oldest of 4 boys and you are the poorest! Stop wasting money on POT and get up off the sofa and put down the video games and go look for a JOB asshole!

As soon as I get my business going and start making real money, I am so out of here! I am going somewhere far away. Somewhere I have never been, maybe up north where they have real autumns and winters.

Confession #2219

I want to first start off by say that I Love You! I really do. You work so hard, you work three jobs and go to school at night. I know that you're tired and I know that you do it so that We can have everything we want in life. To be honest, all I really want right now is to see more of my husband. I miss you so much. Yes, I work and go to school, but other than that, I sit here at home alone all the time. I get so lonely, almost to the point of depression. I am so sad all the time and you don't even notice. I don't know why, but I am not myself anymore. I used to try to look nice, and did. I would wake up and fix my hair and make-up and look forward to my day. Now, all I do is sleep. I don't wear make-up anymore, and I just put my hair up in a pony-tail. I hate looking in the mirror anymore, it makes me sick. I don't really do much because I don't have any energy. It doesn't make since, I don't do anything to not have energy. I find myself starting fights with you for no reason just so I can talk to you. I don't like who I am anymore. I have no friends, my family is crazy (so is yours) I guess I just want somebody to talk to. Its not your fault, you try so hard to make me happy by working all the time to give me all the material things that I want. PLEASE TAKE A NIGHT OFF OF WORK AND SPEND TIME WITH ME!!! I MISS YOU.

Confession #2220

You say that me and our daughter are the best things that ever happened to you, so why do you treat me like this?

You have two extremes. Either you are incredibly loving and giving or you are mean, arrogant and just plain cruel. I never know which side of you I’m going to get from day to day, but it seems like I see the loving side less and less.

You are the most arrogant guy I’ve ever met, yet you pale in comparison to my ex. He is just as smart as you and he is much more successful than you and very sexy and good looking, yet he’s actually very humble and NICE. He has more reason to act like an arrogant ass, but he doesn’t. We are just friends now, but I yearn for him in a way I never could for you.

How dare you criticize and demean me the way you constantly do when I work so hard inside of the home and out. You are not here Monday through Thursday, so I bear the brunt of all the responsibility for our child and even when you are here, you help here and there. I take excellent care of our daughter and even you admit that I’m a wonderful mother, yet you throw temper tantrums about stamps being in the wrong place or my mail not being neat and orderly. Get over yourself!

You barely touch me and when you do it’s a quick, dismissive kiss that I can do without. I am a nice looking woman with a good job, degree, and with a good head on my shoulders. I’ve had the displeasure of meeting one of your trampy exes and I’ve seen pics of the other one. Looks like you enjoy the company of the fat ones that solicit sex online, so maybe I’m just not your type.

It’s so sad that when you are home, I’d rather be at work so I don’t have to be around your grumpiness. My coworkers are actually a lot more fun to be around than you. One in particular seems to think the world of me. I have no interest in him, but it’s still nice to know that someone actually appreciates me, pays attention to me and likes the person that I am. He calls constantly outside of work and even though you act like you are oblivious I know that you’ve noticed.

Oh, and if I were to mention the cheating, that would take up another 10 paragraphs but I could care less who you are dicking around with at this point so there is no need to mention that.

What makes me really sad and brings a tear to my eye as I type this is that our precious baby girl is just five months old. L I can’t imagine subjecting her to this environment for the next 18 years and if and when you start to dump your cruelty and criticisms on her, I think I might be moved to commit serious bodily injury to you. I can see it now because you get annoyed with her for being fussy. You try to apply logic and reason and talk her out of crying. Um, she’s five months old and she’s teething, Dumb Ass!

With all of your criticism, you would think you are perfect but here’s a newsflash – you are far from it. Aside from being arrogant, you are fat, hairy and your meanness makes you even more unattractive. Turn that microscope around on yourself and when you see yourself for the person you truly are, stick it up your ass. I hear you’re into that anyway.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Saturday SexChat at TWC

Have I told you lately that I love you, TWC community?

That last comment section makes me all warm and fuzzy (and perhaps a little tingly too)..

It also got me to thinking. If you and your best friends Don't get specific about sex and questions and answers and suggestions...where do you go?

Unless you are talking with the lonely russian nice girls who are filling my spam folder, or the many people deeply concerned with my penis size (or lack thereof)-maybe there should be a place to chat...

So in the spirit of Amalah's Wednesday advice Smackdown, I present the first edition of the Saturday Sexchat at TWC. I am thinking every Saturday I will collect specific questions from readers and present them to you - the wise TWC audience. These will be different from confessions, which will run wild and free the other 6 days a week. Saturday will be all about the how-to of sex.

So - If you have a question, use the same email - but make sure I know it is a Saturday Sexchat question. All TWC rules still apply.

Who knows? Maybe we can collectively inspire some sparks to re-ignite...or burn hotter.

And so, I offer the first question, lifted from the comment section of 221:

"Well, I am recently divorced and what sex we did have was boring.... I keep telling my current partner to teach me some new tricks and I am willing to try most anything at least once. I love this type of discussion-- truly--- I need ideas and want to keep learning..."

Monday, November 19, 2007

True Wife Confessions 221 B Baker Street

Confession #2201

I love that you want the sweet potato casserole with marshmallows on
top at Thanksgiving dinner. It's great that we get to share the
inside joke of watching my mother wrinkle up her nose at it.

Confession #2202

I feel like I am on an episode of Wife Swap only I never get to go home to my normal, loving husband who treats me well, I am stuck with the other woman's rude, nasty, lazy husband!!!!

Confession #2203

You and I have been married ten years and we have three children. Our
marriage is ok, we tend to bicker a lot and it bothers the
children...everyone says we will end in divorce, but maybe not. What I
really want to tell you is that I have met someone else, but he is
married and has three children as well. We work together and see a lot
of each other, and I honestly don't know if he feels the same way
about me as I do about him because we are both so careful and loyal to
our families and spouses, but I do know one thing, and I'm sorry in
advance. If he ever, ever, ever tried to kiss me I would throw our
marriage out the window as quickly as you can blink. In the past,
whenever there has ever been someone else I've been interested in, I
always knew I wouldn't ever stray physically, but I love and respect
this other man so much that there is no question in my mind what I
would do! This is the reason I have been drinking so much these past
months, and yes, as you say I've been "self-medicating" to treat my
depression. But I am reconciled to it now. I have made my decision,
and like I said, I apologize in advance. Nothing may ever happen
between he and I, but I just wanted to confess in case it does. I
don't know if I hope for something to happen or not, but if it ever
does, I will throw myself to him body and soul. Sorry, honey.

Confession #2204

I saw the first man who I loved and who broke my heart at Wal-Mart the other day. Seeing him still made me a little excited and nervous, even though it has been years.… However, once I got over the little initial rush, I couldn’t help but smile. He had a beer belly, a bad hair cut and had his son with him whose mother left him and broke his heart. It may be evil and vindictive to take pleasure in those few little facts, but it sure does feel good!!

Confession #2205

I have to admit it. I know that we are best friends

and I know that

part of me feels so honored that you both chose to call me, from your
island vacation no less, when you waited to come home to tell everyone
else (even your families) no less, so honored that you wanted to
immediately tell me that you asked her to marry you!

But most of me thinks it sucks!

I was utterly devestated when you told me that you were getting
married and I had to put on an act like it was such wonderful news. I
had to hide from everyone how much it affected me! I am still
devastated by it.

I don't want you to marry someone else, even though I am married too.
Its so final. I am selfish and I want you to be there waiting for me!

I know there are kids involved, I know the hearts that are involved
but I can't help it.

I never should have made love to you, it was a mistake, for all the
obvious reasons but also the reason that we both wanted different
things from it.

You wanted sex, because, duh you are a guy. I thought that is what I
wanted too, but with sex comes feelings and now, I cannot bear to live
without you.

What am I supposed to do? Part of me is resolved to be strong and
never let it happen again. Our families are at stake and it's not
worth it. But my heart is just so drawn to yours. I cannot breathe
without out you. I need you, I want you, I cannot live with out you.

I know I deserve this life of turmoil in which I now live but how can
you be so happy, regardless? Why do you still seem to have it all?

Confession #2206

i feel terrible...i am in a funk right now....i have so much going on with work and school. and on top of that all of our issues, well one sex...ever. we are so young, mid twenties but you haven't touched me. i should've known better. we've been together six years and still, i thought things would change. i have known a guy for awhile now, longer than i've know you... and we are on a break...but still i cheated.i won't tell you, ever. it would crush you. the kicker is that he now won't call me back...i feel like a fool.

Confession #2207

College educated. Great job. Nice car. Stylish and attractive. You're a good guy...just not the guy for me. You need someone who doesn't like to be touched. You need someone who can handle your harsh criticisms. You need someone who can deal with your laziness, your spoiledness...just your overall ability to make your wife feel like shit. Sometimes I wonder if you really love me or if you're just used to being with me and are afraid to get a divorce. I know you've cheated on me. Emotionally...probably physically too. Don't feel alone. I have done the same. I can delete text messages and emails just like you do.

I want my ex back. When I'm around him I feel SO good. I feel those butterflies that you used to give me so long ago. The last time he hugged me...I daydreamed about it for weeks. And that was just a hug!

I'm sorry it will be ending this way. I used to wish you were my "one" but sadly, you are not. And I'm okay with that. I know who my "one" is...I just have to get rid of you. I'm working on that. It won't be too much longer. Good luck in life...and love. You'll probably be happier with her. didn't think I knew...but I do.

Confession #2208

We've been married for 10 years although you can't call our marriage storybook, it's been good and rewarding for both of us. We have been blessed with two beautiful boys and you have treated me with love and respect until lately. Why is not after all of these years of beautiful passionate sex that you want to cum on my face. Wasn't it enough for me to suck you and swallow your cum even though you know I detest the taste, but because I love you, I did for you. Now you want to cum on my face. How does this give you pleasure? I know you look at porn on the computer. I found the pictures and videos you downloaded even though you think you did a good job of hiding them. They are utterly disgusting. When did you begin enjoying this type of perversion? How could women allow as many of twenty men cum on their faces and why does this excite you? When you asked the first time I objected but because you objected and I love you I did it for you. I told you I didn't enjoy it afterwards when actually I hated every moment. I felt like a cheap whore. Your cum shooting up my nose and in my eyes make give you pleasure but makes me feel dirty. When your finished jerking off in my face, you kiss my forward -everytime ensuring your come does not contact your cum- and go to sleep. I have to get up and go into the bathroom to wipe your cum from my face. I FEEL SO DIRTY...It is difficult to look at myself in the mirror before wiping it off. If literally makes me sick. If I wasn't so tired I would take a hot shower. I still love you but because you refuse to take my feelings into account I am quickly loosing respect for you. I don't know how long I can allow this continue but I know I will end it one way or another. I love you so much and you are so good to me in every other way. Why don't you listen to me and stop. Why can't things go back to the way they were?

Confession #2209

have a jump off guy. That's a guy I have sex with on and off. It's not a relationship. Honestly, he's too street for me and I'm too...shelter and frankly educated for him. But he's a decent person. The sex is great. But he has made a habit out of letting me down. He doesn't come over when he says he will. I mean how can you be too lazy to have sex? We're both young and active. So, one night we made plans for him to come by. I even called to make sure he was coming cause I needed to get some. Then he says " I'll be over around nine tonight" That was two months ago. He never came. He never called, or even texted. Just because I'm your booty call don't mean you shouldn't call when you won't be able to make it. Damn it! What happen to common courtesy? He called me yesterday to see how I was doing in light of the writers strike. He's so full of it. It had nothing to do with the WGA strike. He just wanted to get some. I didn't call him back. @#@#$ him.
But between us girls, I miss his hands on me. I miss being held...

Confession #2210

I never knew about your affair until after our marriage ended.
Your little friend in Colorado told me everything.
Does "butter" mean anything to you?
I'm telling your new wife everything, including our little sexcapades while you were dating her.
She will leave you.
And I will take you back.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

True Wife Confessions 220 volts

Confession #2191

You used to be charming and loving. You used to treat me like I was a princess. I loved you and soon fell deeply in love with you. You told me I was the only girl you have ever loved and that you would do anything for me, and you did. You did do a lot for me, but that all changed. Our relationship turned around and I became the charming, loving, and giving person. I paid for everything you wanted and needed. I did everything for you. I gave up my family, school, and my passions to try to make you happy. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, so I decided to give my life for you. I was at your beck and call and I still am. But you wouldn't give the same back. You didn't pay enough attention to me. You became angry with me everyday which causes our fighting. We argue everyday and you tell me your not happy anymore. It seems like every week you break my heart and tell me it's over. Then I beg and plea for your forgiveness and say I love you. You then take me back. Since I felt neglected, I became needy. I didn't let you hang out with your friends because I wanted you to be with me. I am the one that put your phone in water so you couldn't hang out with anyone. I am also the one that slashed your tire so you couldn't leave and you would have to rely on me. I lied to you about being pregnant and you still do not know. You still think I got an abortion. I also have cheated on you with your best friends and with other guys because I needed to have my emotional need met. Since I have been so miserable through out my life, I wanted you to be as well. I can't seem to stop picking fights with you, just so you would pay attention to me. For all this I am sorry. You truly are my first love, but I don't know why I do these things. I want you to be there for me and maybe things will change. I am so sorry for everything I have done, but you hurt me as well.

Confession #2192

Honey just once could you watch a Viagra or Cialis commercial without
commenting on the side effect of a four hour hard on? Just once? You
are 42 years old, not a frat boy. It wasn't funny the first time, and
surely is not funny the four thousandth time.

Confession #2193

Honey, I know I told you I was cool with you looking at on-line porn, but that's simply not true. I just said that in hopes that you would feel guilty and stop. To be honest, I check your computer daily, sometimes twice daily, to see if you've been surfing, even when I know deep down that you haven't had the time or energy. When you're home and I'm not, I'm constantly wondering if that's what you're doing while I'm away. Sometimes, even though I'm exhausted beyond belief, I stay up until you go to bed, so you won't have the opportunity to look and satisfy yourself while your wife is asleep in the next room.

I know I said I was cool with it, but I'm not. But I know, from listening to my friends, that it's "just a guy thing" and it will never stop.

But here's something else you should also know: when I'm at home and you're not, I look at it too.

Confession #2194

I don't know where it's written that I always have to support DH in his career ambitions, but it's perfectly Ok for him to ignore mine. Yes, I know an internship involves no pay-so what? We moved across the country for his career five years ago, and he's done great. In turn we only get to see our families a few times a year, and friends? Forget it-they all live out of state except for work friends. Would I like to move closer to our families? Of course, but I've accepted that it's not going to happen as long as his career is booming here. Bottom line, he supported me going back to school full time to change careers, and I wish he'd support me taking this internship that I really want to do, and that will pay off in the long run.

Confession #2195

Married 25 years and you have finally learned to put the seat down. I'm proud of you!

You spoil me in so many ways and then you spoil it all by not doing a few little things that would make life so much easier (like picking up after yourself or doing the dishes every once in awhile). I work too, and am tired and do ALL the laundry and ALL the animal chores. Please help.

I love you to distraction and worry about your health. I wish so much that you would stop drinking like you stopped smoking all those years ago. I want you around for a LONG time to come good habits and bad.

Confession #2196

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would sleep with a
married man, but I am. It was an escalation. He’s my best friend, and
he loves me. We knew each other for years before the first time. He
helped me survive my divorce when I was certain I wanted to kill
myself. I know he loves his wife and daughter, too, and he doesn’t
want to hurt them. He’ll never leave them, and he has never lied to
me about it. Sometimes I fantasize that his wife will leave him and
we will be together, then I feel guilty because I’m hoping for an
innocent little girl to lose her family because of my needs.

I want his happiness above even my own, and that means him staying
with his family. He loves his baby more than life itself. And I don’t
want to hurt a woman and child I don’t even know. I just need him in
my life. Even if the sex stopped, I would still need him in my life.
He reminds my soul to breathe.

I can’t tell anyone about this because it’s such a cliche. Everyone
who cheats thinks his or her situation is special. I’m just so tired
of being alone.

The kicker is that I’m divorced because my husband cheated on me. I
will never judge anyone ever again for feeling this way. I’ve lost
the moral high ground, but I won’t stop. I’m 29 years old, and I’ve
had sex with two men in my whole life: My ex-husband and somebody
else’s husband.

I’m so scared that I will never meet anyone I love this much.

Confession #2197

Some days I feel so alone. I am surrounded by good friends, but I can't tell them what you did to me. I have a wonderful mom & dad, but they would hate you if they knew. People say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but that is a lie. I do not feel stronger, I feel broken. Things have been better between us, but I still see her face, still feel her presence in our marriage. You were willing to share you thoughts and feelings with a women you knew for a month, and yet you still, even now shut me out. That is why I am writing a freaking website instead of talking to you, because I try and you just push me away.

We talk about having another child and as much as I want one, the thought of having one with you, scares the hell out of me. I know you think you mean it when you say you will never hurt me like that again. But you were very convincing when you told me that nothing was going on between you and her. You made me feel like a paranoid idiot. You were lying, and I was right. Then when you told me it was over, we would start fresh, new, you were looking up her address, directions from our house to hers. I don't know what is truth and what is lies with you anymore. What didn't kill me, did not make me stronger. It only makes me wish it had killed me.

Confession #2198

I don't know how long it will take, but as soon as I have enough money I am taking the kids and leaving you. When we lived out of town you were so happy. I could never go anywhere or do anything without your say so. Now we live here amongst my own family and friends you can't stand it. I actually have a life of my own and you hate it! Well fuck you! You just want a quiet submissive little lady to wash your shitty underwear, cook your meals and keep her mouth shut. And that is NOT me. I take care of the kids all day with zero adult conversation, and I do everything you tell me to do on that stupid list - so why can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Nag nag nag all the time.
You complain that all I seem to want to do in the evenings is either relax with a book or go over to see a friend. How terrible of me!! All I want is to talk to someone and have someone acknowledge the fact I am on this Earth to do more than be your slave. All you ever talk to me about is what happens at your office or what your seedy, cheating friends are up to behind their wives backs. I need real conversation. I even tried to watch your stupid fight shows so I could talk to you about something and even then you wouldn't talk to me. You were so different when we met. You pretended to like the same things as me, said we'd go to places that interested me but that never happened.
As time went on your true self came out. You became more and more distant, more bothered about your job and talked to me less and less. You even 'forgot' my fucking birthday last year because you said you didn't want to trouble yourself with thinking of something to get me! Since then I have given up. In truth I gave up a long time ago. I forget when. The time you hit me? The time you told my 2yr old son you'd 'fucking kill him'? You neglect me and the children. You'd rather play video games with your stupid friends than play with the kids. You think spanking them and shouting at them is good discipline. It's not. I don't care if that was how you were brought up. It's bullshit. I thought that I was staying with you for their sake, now I know I have to LEAVE you for their sake. I know that it will only get worse as they grow older. I can't put my kids through that. I won't stand by and watch you crush their self esteem, belittle them and make them hate me for being with you and allowing it all to happen. Our four year old already says 'daddy doesn't love me' and 'i don't like daddy'. It breaks my heart.
I am so glad we are not married, not that it makes it any easier. When the baby is old enough I am going to get a job and save as much money as possible to get us the hell away from you. And I won't even say goodbye. We will leave when you go away to one of your precious work retreat weekends. The minute you're out of that door I will pack up our things and run. You will not hear from us again. Maybe I'll leave you a note? And I know exactly what it will say - "Wash your own fucking shitty underwear!"

Confession #2199

I'm tired of waiting around for you to "get your feet back under you." In fact, I'm not really sure what that even means, since you were the one that pulled the rug out in the first place. I would happily wait if I could trust you. But you've proven that is a mistake, time and again. I would also gladly wait if I felt like you were actually working on the problems that drove you to torpedo this relationship. But I don't think you're doing the work. I've been here for you and I've been far better to you than you deserve--even you are forced to agree with this. I need to be with someone who isn't willing to give me up quite so easily. I need to be swept off my feet and loved senseless. I need to be with someone who has guts and strength and isn't motivated by fear. I'm beginning to think that the one thing I don't need is you. I told you the clock is ticking, but I fear time is actually up. I'm sorry. But I deserve better, and if I'm not going to get it from you, well, a little bit of sadness now is eminently preferable to a whole lifetime of heartbreak by inches. If all you can do is let me down, all I can do is let you go.

Confession #2200

I love it when you actually fall asleep before me. It doesn't happen
often but when it does I like to snake my hand around you and throw my
leg over your hip. I nestle my head close to yours so I can feel your
breath on my mouth. I regulate my own breathing so that when you exhale
I inhale, it just feels like I get to have a little more of you and your
time before I drift off myself.

I love you so much, words can't describe it and touch can't convey it.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

True Wife Confession 219 Advil Liquigels

Confession #2181

I should not have to beg you to make love with me, I should not have to be the one to initiate and do all the work every time. Yes granted you were the one to do all the work a lot of the time before, but now that I am on meds I am more happy, and you know what?? I am happy that I still have a sex drive considering most anti depressants kill that. I could have sex every night, I am attracted to you. But when you keep your eyes closed during the whole time I wonder if you are attracted to me, or if you are thinking about the internet whores that you like so much these days.

Confession #2182

i hid the halloween candy so you’d stop eating the kids’ loot. Trouble is I didn’t do a good job hiding it from myself and I’m the one who needs to lose weight. I think I’ll tell the boys to hide their own candy.

So before I start in on the Kitkats or Almond Joys that are at the top of one of the boy’s bags, I’ll make a rule: I will confess to Dawn before I ruin my life with junk. (This “ruin my life” thing is only a slight exaggeration--I have high blood pressure and I’m fat. Not hugely fat any more, but why does anyone do this to herself? I don’t know. I wish I did.) Someone told me about a program to send candy overseas to the troops. Maybe that’s what I’ll get the kids to do. Anyone else heard of it?

Today = 2 Reeses cups worth of confession. No KitKats or Almond Joys yet.

Confession #2183

Darling husband, who I love more every minute, more than I ever thought possible: Your mother is positively heinous. I’ll keep good humor about it for now, because I know that you love her, and the way you treat her really is above-and-beyond amazing. But know that when I said she would never live with us, I meant it. If that means living in a trailer park for life so that she would be too embarrassed to move in, so be it. The only reason I have or would ever consider leaving you is HER. Please, let’s never make that a possibility.

Confession #2184

I have been married to you for 22 years and am still so damn attracted to you its ridiculous. Our sex drives don’t match I want it all the time you want it when you want it. I have been through so much with you and there is so much you will never know about me and how I feel about you. If I could make love you all day and all night it still wouldn’t be enough. I need you I want you and I am very much still in love with you in spite of all that we have been through. I would never have thought in my younger years that I could love anyone as much as I love you and want you. Get fat, get bald, stop working out dammit. It only makes you more beautiful to me. I love to look at your body and I have pictures of you on my phone that you would die. I fantasize about you, I think about you all the time. Almost to the point of obsession. I want to have an affair with you, I want to be with you alone somewhere anywhere no phones, no kids, no inlaws nothing except me and you. I just wish that you felt the same way. I know you love me and I know that you are there for me, but I want so much more from you and I don’t think I will ever get it. We aren’t getting any younger and I want to enjoy what we have left, I want to have sex all the time, I want to spend time with you. I only wish you felt as intensely about me as I do about you.

When we have sex, I don’t want it to end. I want it to just go and go and go and maybe that’s why it takes me so long to get there with you. I am still enjoying it. Your touch, the way you feel inside me and I think about it for hours and days afterwards. Looking forward to the next time. Maybe you’re right maybe I am a nympho, except I only want to have sex with you. Always its only been you.

Confession #2185

You arent mine.
I know you love her.
I get the greatest kick out of knowing I turn you on.
I know we might never be .
I know I can be utterly filthy with you .
I have no regrets.
You are amazing.
I know its complicated.
I love how you just called me your "little mistress"
Schatzi , you amaze me .
Maybe soon we can take it to another level.
I'm only sorry when you tell me you are finishing with her that I really dont believe you .
I'm happy that we are how we are with each other .

Small note . We talk dirty , we flirt , we know it will happen. I hope you finish with her before it does.
She doesn't deserve it.

Confession #2186

I hate my husband sometimes. He is so selfish. I feel like he takes me for granted. If he wants to take a nap, he lays down and takes a nap. If he wants to take a shower, he gets up and takes a shower. Anything that he wants or needs to do, he just does it without a second thought. But I have to work anything and everything that I want or need to do around our children.
And I dread having sex with him. He is selfish in that area too. He will not have sex with me unless oral sex preceeds it. And I am not talking about oral sex to me, only to him. He will pout and outright refuse to do it, if I refuse to perform oral sex on him.
He is bossy and demanding. He is critical and condecending.
He has not picked out, bought, and delivered a gift to me in over 5 years. Not for my birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, or Mothers day, let alone for no occasion at all. He will give me a wad of money when he realizes that he has forgotten an important date. He used to buy me things, just little things that were special because they came from him. He used to write me love letters, send me flowers and go out of his way to do special things that were just for me. And he used to make me feel like I was the most wonderful woman on the planet. Not anymore. I feel like he tricked me by pretending to be something he is not. If I had been approached by the man I am married to today, if he had been honest about who he really is, we probably would have never made it to a second date.
I often find myself thinking and dreaming about my old boyfriend and how my life could have been different if I hadn't thrown him away. Yes, my husband gives me a wonderful life, full of security. My old boyfriend lives very modestly compared to us. But he loved me deeply and always made sure that I knew. I often wonder if he would have changed too, or would he have cherished me forever, like he did when we were together.

Confession #2187

I love you. And sometimes I hate you.

Last night you ranted and raved for two hours about the stupidest shit...... All the while complaining that you haven't gotten any for over a week because of my monthly problem, even though the last two nights in a row you have fallen asleep as soon as we got in the bed, while I was still awake, AND THERE WAS NO "PROBLEM" ON MY PART BY THEN!!!!! I understand avoiding that week each month, I prefer it that way just like you do. But don't try to make me feel horrible for it. It is, after all, a side effect of the very thing that makes me a woman. Like I told you yesterday, the only way to solve that problem is for me to have a hysterectomy, and that means you'll never have any kids with me. Since you supposedly can't wait for me to be ready for us to try, I don't think you like that option.

And what's with all the beer you drink? I fear you are drinking yourself to death slowly. I know you're still in your twenties, but I know people who have drank theirself to death in their late thirties and early forties. Do you really want that for us?

Why is it that you're only nice and loving to me when you want some later that night? Why can't you be nice to me just because I'm your wife? What about a little, tiny bit of romance? Just once in a while? I am always trying to plan surprises for you, which you always snoop around about and ruin the surprise. You never do that for me. And you're always nicer to your guy friends than you are me.

How about cooking dinner for ME once in a while? And NO, fast food drive-thru doesn't count, even if YOU buy. I mean actual standing over the stove COOKING for me. I cook for you every night. If I don't feel like cooking one night, you act like it's a crime 99.9% of the time.

I hate to tell you this, but I have looked up some of my old guy friends. One is my ex from high school, one is a friend who knows that if we were single I'd hook up with him, and one is a guy I had an affair with that lasted over two years. I'm not going to do anything with them, no meeting up for hookups, no kissing, no hugging, nothing. I don't even plan to see them in person. But just maybe they can satisfy my emotional need for a few nice words from a man, since I don't get any from you. They'll tell me how beautiful I am, and how lucky you are, and how any man would find me incredibly sexy. One of them, at least, will tell me how much he'd love to have me, to do with what he pleases (and he will tell me how he'd please). I know he will, he's told me before. We've already had an affair, it lasted for over two years. I never slept with him, but I do happen to know he's a GREAT kisser. I quit talking to him because I was afraid I'd end up leaving you for a married man, and I was afraid that it would be a mistake. You started showing me more appreciation. Now you've quit again. Don't make me feel the need to look elsewhere for a man's affirmation that I am still sexy enough to be someone's dream girl.

I love you, and I don't want to leave. Quit being the jackass you've become, and be my husband again. The one that used to be so loving.

Love, Your Desperate Wife

P.S. - If I tell you I love you, and you ever tell me you can't tell I do (while we're in the middle of an argument, no less!) again, then you will find yourself alone. I'm not playing. There are plenty of other guys out there to love me for me, ones that will not talk to me like that. Don't think I won't go find one.

Confession #2188

Why does everyone I come in contact with (friends, family, bosses/co-workers, cashiers at the grocery store, salespeople, etc..) ask me when we are getting married, and not him – or even ask at all?

First of all, asking me that question is like asking the milkman where your mail is – it’s not the milkman’s job – it’s the mailman’s.

Second, if you consider us so close to feel merited in asking such a personal question – don’t you think that you would know if I knew?

I have never in my life gone up to another woman and asked her when she is getting married, or having kids, or finding a mate. I think it’s rude, judgmental, invasive and ridiculous!

If we do end up getting married, and/or end up having children – it’s no business of yours. Our life has nothing to do with you. Just stop asking the chick of this relationship. I’m not the hold-out!

Confession #2189

I don't really remember what I loved about you. (Was it just because you were young and cute?) You hate the real world and it's still you against the grownups---how pathetic. When will you wake up, and realize you have to act like a man now. Daydreaming about stupid fantasies that will never come true is a waste of time. You are not Peter Pan. Everything's a joke to you---especially the things I take seriously---and it is SO annoying.

But I still turn to you for a feeling of safety, all the while knowing there's not much there to lean on.

I don't think I can, or should, depend on you.

Too bad I never learned how to depend on myself. To be honest, I'd rather not have to. Too bad we have a kid now.

Confession #2190

I was so happy yesterday when you were willing to come home early for work so i could go to the ER to get stitches in my thumb and i didn't have to bring all three kids with us.

I was happy that you made dinner and I could sit down with you guys before having to go to work a couple of hours after getting stitches..

However, i was LIVID when lying in bed, my thumb throbbing and my arm hurting from the tetnus shot that you bitched and whined that you had wanted to leave work early but for YOU, that you wanted to look for a mother effing video game and new pants.

Oh should I have taken the kids with me while they stitched my thumb? You know how our oldest gets and she was already crying BEFORE i left for the hospital.

You are such a self-centered motherfucker and you piss me off. Its all about you you you. I can't buy the kids clothes but you can get a new laptop? Bite my ass. You are always about you, didn't we have this discussion a year ago and I told you that it needs to change? That we have three kids, have a family young and you can't keep DOING this to me! I work hard all day with the youngest, then work at night, Im TIRED, i have one day off a week and thats usually spent keeping the kids quiet so you can watch sports on tv.

Stop doing this to me. The ER dr asked if anyone was trying to hurt me, I said no, because you aren't physical, but you are mentally abusing me and I hate you for it.

If you think I wont leave you over something small like this, think again. I dont deserve to have my stomach in knots when I need you to come home for me, why does it have to be such a battle with you???

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

True Wife Confessions 218 red flowers for Remembrance Day

I have allowed anonymous posters again BUT I am moderating the comments. Discussion is fine. Outright Name calling is not acceptable and will be rejected.

Confession #2171

I read this blog every week. And every week I realize how absolutely lucky I am in my marriage. Sure, he does stupid man stuff. Honestly though...what man doesn't? He leaves things laying around, passes loud and noxious gas, and other annoying things, but I can't think of one single absolutely horrible thing he does or has done to me our or kids. He treats me well, he's a great dad to our two kids, and he works hard to better our lives.

Thank you, honey. I love you and always will! May the future of our marriage be as great as the first 11 1/2 years!

Confession #2172

I want to have another baby. It kills me that when I even mention it, you
shoot me down. You are so dismissive about the whole thing. I hate that I
don't have a say in the matter. You are holding all the cards (so to
speak). It makes me want to poke holes in your condoms. I would never do
it, but the thought has crossed my mind.

I wish you would just get the vasectomy we talked about so this could be
over with. Just knowing that it isn't possible would be a relief to me. I
feel like you are holding me ransom with a "maybe".

Don't try to make me feel guilty about not getting my tubes tied again,
either. My body has been through enough with the 2 children we have now.
You are the one that doesn't want more kids. You should be the one to
suffer for your decision.

Just make a decision though. I can't stand this limbo anymore. Please...

Confession #2173

Before our divorce I always told you that it was never you; that it was me. Guess what? It was totally you. Oh, and by the way, I apparently do like sucking cock. Just not yours.

Confession #2174

I am at my wits end. I do not know what to do. I feel like, if I stay, I will lose you...but if i go, then well, i lose everything else-my family, friends, job, the place i know and love. You could make this decision SO easy for me. Change, just a little. I'm not asking for you to be a different person. All i want it a kiss now and then, without asking for it, for you to surprise me once in a while...with anything! I don't need jewelry or expensive gifts. christ, it would make me happy if you brought me a a pack of gum home from the store, write me a note, tell me i look pretty....and STOP COMMENTING ON OTHER WOMEN! I pride myself on being so very patient, and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but you have pushed my limits almost as far as they will go. I love you, take care of you, cook for you, clean for you... trust you, well i try to...after what you did id say I'm doing pretty good...everything i do is with the intention of making the man that i love i am supposed to leave. Leave for what? To do all of this but be alone while doing it? Have no one to be with or vent to? I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what else i need to do in order to make you love me back. And I'm almost ready to stop trying.

Please don't make me stop trying....i love you.

Confession #2175

I realized last night when people were asking if we were getting married and you said no with such a look of horror in your eyes, that you are not planning on marrying me...

Confession #2176

It's so hard not to have anyone to talk to. That's why I have to post here. Because this is my only outlet, my only chance to talk about my feelings. So here goes:
Yesterday we were having a family gathering for Halloween. I knew you were about to go get some alcohol for yourself before everyone got there, and I suddenly just got so depressed. I hate when you drink when we are having company over. You're just not fun, and it seems like everything me and our daughter does gets on your nerves. Plus you are either worn out and cranky for work the next day, or, if it's the weekend, you sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Anyway, as you were walking out the door, I said, "Baby, can't you please just now drink this once? It's so much more fun when you don't drink." You got angry and said that I was trying to control you and you won't put up with that. So I apologized. You got the beer anyway, and I had to kiss your ass the rest of the day to make up for it, because I hate when you are mad at me and just ignore me. I understand that both of your parents drank heavily and that that seems normal to you. I understand that you are dealing with the death of your brother. I understand that your ex-wife controlled you to the point that it was ridiculous, and that you never want to live like that again. But I'm not her. I don't want to control you, it's just that when you are drinking it's like you don't even like me anymore. And you say things that hurt my feelings and then I'm supposed to just get over it because you were drinking at the time. I love you so much, and I understand more than you think I do. I can't even fathom living without you, but sometimes life is just so hard. I feel like drinking is sort of your "out". You can shed all of your responsibilities and worries and just be in "la la land". But I live in the real world, and sometimes my world is lonely and hurtful and really sucks.

Confession #2177

This is gross, I know. My 3 year old daughter thinks farts are
hilarious. She can also drive me bananas with everything the
terrible 3's can include. Since I am newly pregnant with our third
child, one of the undesirable side effects is raunchy, rancid gas.
I have, on occasion, turned one of those farts loose on her. WHat a
bad example, I know. They are usually silent so she doesn't know-
it's just a petty little secret I keep. This morning I did it as she
was throwing her muffin at her little brother. She stopped what she
was doing and said "eww mommy, did you toot" . It was especially
bad and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Bad mommy! Bad mommy!

Confession #2178

why is it so hard for you to have the house picked up for me when i get home from work? last night i had a hell night at work and i come home and theres dirty dishes in the sink and the house is just a mess. i clean up during the day when i'm home and i'm real tired of you not doing the same.

i had to run the dishwasher this morning, which means i have to put them away, that is our oldest's chore, and you never had the kids make their lunches last night. WHY?! i dont think i ask too much from you, but this needs to change. if you dont start picking up around the house i will quit my job and make you get a second one to make up for the money we'll be missing out if i leave, good luck finding a part time job for yourself that pays what i make now.

and when you ask me a question, actually listen to the answer, i know you only half listen to me because you want to talk about you or your hobbies or your day at work, but last night i came very close to quitting my job and telling my boss to kiss my ass and you just dont care, your only response was, so are you going to take the dog for a walk now?

why dont you bite me? you dont care that i'm stressed out now. you just dont care.

Confession #2179

You have been married to my brother nearly as long as I have been
married. You acted like you loved him, you were welcomed into our
family with open arms, and my mother treated you so well that
sometimes I got jealous. Then all of a sudden something changed. You
were a different person we were all supposed to "accept." But you
don't take care of your responsibilities, you keep a filthy house,
your children are on the verge of being officially labeled neglected,
and you don't want to hear from us because, apparently, we suck. Well
fuck you. You are a lazy, selfish bitch and we would all be better off
without you (especially your children). If you don't want to be a wife
or mom or beloved family member anymore, that is ok with me. Now would
you just fucking LEAVE him and get it over with? He deserves SOOOOO
much better.

Confession #2180

I know I should leave you. I deserve everything that I have always
dreamed of, a man who cherishes me - EVERY DAY, not just every now and
then. I deserve the passionate love affair that I waited so long for -
which was there, in the beginning. I had waited for a very physical
relationship - that is what I want, not the cold fish you have turned

I deserve a man who will stop trying to change my kid - I don't want her
to be like your kids. They are disrespectful and they use you. My kid
is respectful, loves me and likes to be with me which drives you crazy
because your kids couldn't and can't wait to get away from you.

There were so many things I didn't do for years because I was waiting
for that special person to do them with me. Like walking around
downtown, like special weekend trips away just the two of us, like
planning the weekends full of concerts and art galleries and museum
trips and, and, many many things that we just don't do
because you don't want to. Your idea of a great weekend is sitting in
front of the TV - the ENTIRE weekend.

You hid who you really were, you pretended to be the man I wanted and
had waited for. Over the past two years your true colors have come out
and now I want out. I know I should leave you. You can be verbally
abusive, manipulative, and downright mean when you don't get EXACTLY
what you want, when and how you want it. I don't think that I should
spend every third day or so in tears over something you said. I have
cried more since meeting you than my entire life combined and I'm 45! I
deserve kindness and tenderness from you - but what I miss the most is
the joy I used to have in my life. Even though I was alone for YEARS
and YEARS, I was for the most part happy. I was lonely sometimes but
you know what? I'm lonelier now - living with you and all the crazy
drama and stress and sadness and depression than I ever was at any point
in my life.

I know I should leave you. Why do I stay?