Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Three Hundred and Sixty Five

I love this idea and have asked Sarah to be a part of it - some of you may be interested as well. Dawn

Hello TWC Readers

My name is Sarah and I am doing a project called the 365 Project, it consists of women who have committed to come together and chronicle their lives through 1 picture a day for 365 days. These will all come together on a blog that I have created for this venture.

I am looking for more women who would be interested in participating. The more women the more beautiful the project.

If you are interested or would like to know more please email me at....


Participation will be open until August 31st at midnight, we start our 365 on September 1st.


Monday, August 25, 2008

True Wife Confessions Episode 6

Confession #051

I hate your family. Really.
I hate most of your friends, too.

Confession #052

You know those work boots that you loved and made me move from house to house because they were in such good condition? I threw them out when you weren't looking. And come to think of it, you haven't looked for them for some time, so that proves that you didn't really need to keep them in the first place!

Confession #053

You know how I tell you to roll over when you snore? Sometimes when I am pissed off with you I tell you to roll over even when you are not snoring just so I can watch you mindlessly obey me.

Confession #054

Of course I'm sometimes hungry when we stop by your parents house, but I'll never be able to eat anything from that nasty kitchen.

Confession #055

When I talk about writing my blog and you wave me off with a dismissive sigh? Makes me want to put my foot in your ass.

Confession #056

I will divorce you for leaving wet towels on my quilts. I'm not kidding. I will also cite leaving the toilet paper roll empty, coffee grounds in the filter, and your shoes in every damn place you can.

Confession #057

Getting angry when I cry is NOT the way to comfort me. I'm SAD, I'm UPSET. Being pissed off at me doesn't ease those feelings. Just let me cry and get it over with. I can be reasonable after that! Just look sympathetic and say nothing.

Confession #058

You didn't get a present for Father's Day because you didn't give me a present for Mother's Day. You aren't getting a birthday present either because when mine rolled around you didn't do squat for me.

Confession #059

I want to hire people to mow our lawn because you do such a half-assed job, but I don't want to deprive you of the pleasure of doing your only household chore.

Confession #060

I know that the great "Adding Bleach to my Work Clothes" fiasco of 1995 was your way of insuring I would never allow you to do my laundry again. Mission Accomplished, Chief.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

True Wife Confessions Act V

Confession #041

I'm tired of our lives revolving around the projects you have going on at work. I hate that we can't even plan something on a Sunday because you usually have to do some work that weekend. Why don't you grow a pair and tell your clients "no, I can't work on Sunday. I want to spend time with my child and wife." You certainly have no problem telling your child and wife "No. I can't spend time with you on Sunday. I need to call the client and do a few hours of work."

Confession #042

We've been married for 25 years and I've contemplated leaving you for 23 of them. I stay for the security.

Confession #043

You know how you tell everyone that raw garlic gives you a migraine? I cook with it all the time when you are not looking, and you never get a headache!

Confession #044

You work really hard honey and so do I, BUT because I no longer work outside the home, you and others, think I don't have a 'real job'. So when you sometimes bring home cash and shove it in your sock drawer, I occassionally take $100 bill because you never notice one missing now and again. I figure since I have to turn your smelly work socks right side out to wash them, I deserve it!

Confession #045

When you ask me how much money I have on me at any given time, I'm lying through my teeth. If you ask, and I say that I have $10, I really have closer to $30. If I say that I have no money, it usually means I have about 5 bucks. When you ask how much money we have in the bank, I usually tell you $200 less than what we actually have.
I do this so that you don't bleed us dry financially buy purchasing even more DVDs and assorted guy-crap.

Confession #046

When I want to go out with a girlfriend, last minute, and you happen to have last minute plans as well, I act as though I told you weeks earlier, so I get my way. Half the time you don't listen to me anyway, or you forget about plans, so my convincing act always gets me out of the house.

Confession #047

It's very sweet that you want to build things around
the house and make carpentry repairs and such. I'm
down with letting you feel all manly if that's what it
takes. But honey, this sort of thing is not one of
those skills you have just because you are blessed
with a Y chromosome. If you don't know how to build
it or fix it, just say so! We can hire someone who
can do it right, who won't screw it up or make it look
totally half-assed! Dude, that treehouse...!

Confession #048

If I want you to wear a particular item of clothing for a certain event, then I simply place said item of clothing within easy reach. You will, without fail, wear the pants on the top of the pile, or the shirt that is hanging just within arm's reach. Much easier than fighting with you about wearing that godawful orange linen shirt AGAIN!

Confession #049

Rinsing your mouth with Listerine is not the same as brushing your teeth.

Confession #50

Sometimes I pretend I am not feeling well after a long day at work just so that you will take the kids to their activities. I just want to stay home and read my book.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

True Wife Confessions Volume 4

Confession #031

I knew the food you were cooking was going to burn that time. I didn't
tell you because it bugs the crap out of me that you "cook" by putting
things in a pan and going upstairs to surf the Internet, expecting me to
watch it.

Confession #032

I get so pissed at you, dear spouse, when you are late for dinner because you've been out running with your buddies. Yes, I know I tell you how I agree that your running should be a priority, it's important to get exercise, blah blah blah. But I've been with the kids all day, the baby is screaming for dinner, and I don't give a shit if you develop a pot belly because you're not getting your run in after work. Get your ass home ON TIME!

Confession #033

You kiss like a fish drowning. I don't know who told you to kiss like that, but it is Terrible. I HATE kissing you, which is why I avoid it whenever possible.

Confession #034

Sometimes when I get home from work and I know you have beaten me home,
and I also know that my keys are located somewhere at the bottom of the
abyss that is my bag/pocketbook, I ring the bell and make you come out and
answer the door because I am too tired to be bothered to dig for them.
I'll tell you "I think" I left them in the apartment.

Confession #035

Yes, sometimes when you think I'm helpless and/or clueless as to how to complete a task that gets put off on you, I really know how to do it. Since I cook your dinner and clean up after you after working all day, not to mention cutting the grass when you have to work on weekends, I figure it's your turn to do something besides eat, sleep, play video games, and take a shower at home. Get over it.

Confession #036

I will tell you we cannot afford something for you and then I'll spend twice
as much on something for me and tell you I've had it all along. You owe me
and aren't smart enough to realize it.

Confession #037

Yes, sometimes I make you pay someone to clean house, but since you're no more gung-ho than I am about washing dishes by hand or scrubbing toilets, don't complain. You get to pay teenage boys when you don't want to mow grass, so either bite my ass or clean it yourself!

Confession #038

When you leave to go to the convenience store that I can see from our back yard, and it takes you 2 hours to come home with whatever I asked you to pick up while you are there, I get this amazing urge to choke the life out of you. Especially if I've sent you after food or drink. If I wanted it in two hours, after it's cold, I'd go get it myself in two hours. Quick fucking around and bring me my caffeine and double bacon cheeseburger, you idiot, before the wrath of my period rains down on you full force!

Confession #039

I find your relationship with your mother disturbingly co-dependent. This
is why I don't tell you when she calls and I erase the voicemails. I've
might have also read the mail she sends you before you do.

Confession #040

Yes, I hear our dogs barking at 5 AM Saturday morning, begging to be put out on the leash, but considering you passed out in your recliner as soon as you ate dinner, leaving me to clean up the kitchen, I figure I get to sleep late. Now get up and take the little yapping bastards outside!

Friday, August 08, 2008

True Wife Confessions Chapter 3

Confession #021

I don't like my husband's coffee either. I pour it down the sink when he labors over a mocha for me

Confession #022

When you piss me off, I use your face wash cloth to wash my lower lady area
and than put it back in it's place where it belongs. Then I smile inwardly
the next morning when you're washing the sleep from your eyes.

Confession #023

One your day off, when you leave the dirty dishes in the sink for me to
wash when I get home from work, I really want to bash your head in with
the frying pan you used to make bacon.

oh, and your pants do not look good when you wear them pulled up to your

Confession #024

My Paul Smith sunglasses cost $250. NOT the $100 you
thought you heard me say.

When you asked me how much they cost, I actually said,
“One hundred dollars.” And then whispered, “...more
than I wanted to spend.”

Confession #025

When you go out of town, I throw away all the clothes that don't fit you anymore that I think are ugly or out of style. I've been doing this for years and you've never caught on.

Confession #026

Of course I know the baby has pooped her diaper right before I leave the room and breezily suggest that she hasn't been changed in awhile. Do you think I can't SMELL?

Confession #027

Yes, I know that you like go hunting after work. I know that you like to play in the basement with all your power tools after work. But? I totally resent the fact that you have changed precisely twelve poopy diapers in fourteen months because you're either hunting or in the basement. I know that I don't go to work, so I don't have that stress. But, have you seen our daughter? You don't know what stress is, buddy. I resent the fact that you can sleep through nothing except her screaming. I resent the fact that even though I'm the one with her all the damn time, it's your name that she repeats at various volume levels.

Confession #028

I don't like your mom as much as I say I do. I think she's a controlling perfectionist and is part of the reason your sister is so dysfunctional.

Confession #029

After 10 years of being together, I still hope that you will learn how to make me orgasm one day.

Confession #030

Your bizarre fear of white creamy foods is so frustrating to me that I frequently stir yogurt, sour cream or mayonnaise into whatever I'm cooking for dinner just to watch you eat it with gusto when you don't actually know it's there