Friday, March 30, 2007

True Wife Confessions 171 Ophelia

Confession #1701

Don't tell me you got asked today by two hot girls to join them in a
threesome. I already don't trust you.

Confession #1702

I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. You adore me, you adore our children, you are successful and provide me with a fantastic life. I feel like I should have nothing to complain about. I feel terrible even typing it have gotten so fat. It was cute when you gained weight right along with me each time I was pregnant...but it's not so cute when I got back into shape so quickly and made an effort to stay fit and you just totally let yourself go. You have tried to diet but you set yourself up for failure with your 'fad' diets. They should be called 'fat' diets because you gain more and more weight after trying a new diet for a week. It disgusts me to watch you stuff your face every night after we eat dinner. You ask me to help by cooking something healthy but I can't help you if you eat 3 boxes of mac and cheese after I go to sleep.

I do not have a low sex drive. In fact, the closer I get to 30, the more I think about sex and the more intense my orgasms get. I just can't stand to have your sweaty rolls touching me. I can't stand to hear you wheeze. I'm not ever going to cheat on you but I feel cheated with the thought of having to have sex with an obese person the rest of my life.

I know the sexy athletic man I married is in there somewhere...please find him for me!

Confession #1703

For all our years together I’ve been convinced that you have the willpower of a superman. You seem to have no problem at all leaving luscious treats untouched in the cupboard or refrigerator. Garlic-stuffed olives, cappucino chocolates, raspberry sorbet... after your initial excitement at buying and tasting these things, you left them completely alone. I believed you were hoarding them for some future occasion. I would take a taste here and there, guiltily, not wanting to steal your treats, but sometimes temptation would just overcome me... eventually I’d notice I had eaten most of them and I would leave the last few treats strictly, religiously alone so that when you came for them, they would still be there for you.

Finally, just recently, I realized that you have no willpower to speak of—you simply have a crap memory. Out of sight, out of mind. You don’t remember that you even HAVE that awesome toffee your friend brought you from England. If I hadn’t mentioned it and brought it out for you today, you would have blissfully forgotten its existence. Forever.

I asked you if you even have any concept of the food inventory in this house. You looked at me blankly. A number of things fell into place. This is why you always buy an extra loaf of bread when you do the grocery shopping! You don’t have grand sandwich plans... you just have no idea there is already a loaf at home.

From now on I’m eating your treats whenever I feel like it, honey. If you ever notice, I’ll buy you some new ones. I promise.

Confession #1704

I confess I let you have more control then anyone should--
I confess you make me feel like less then I am.

I confess I had a revelation today and now I will be moving on... not out, I will stay in our home and continue to wait for you to wake up and see what you are doing, to me and to yourself.

is this really how you think marriage works, my husband?

you go to work and I do everything else? I take the kids to school everyday, do all chores inside and outside the house, maintenance on the cars, pay the bills (thanks for running up 5K in credit card debt when you lost your job last fall, then deciding not to cash out your old 401k like you promised to do). You nagged me about getting the taxes done. You bitch about how long it's taking me to finish up the family room, but would never consider lifting a finger to help me.

If you don't want to do something, you just don't do it.
I am so sick of being your maid, mommy and roommate.
You behave like a spoiled teenager, sulking, giving me the silent treatment when I don't agree with you. You are such a narcissist-everyone is wrong and ignorant if they don't see things your way, right?

When you get home from work (a job that you talked about returning to for 3 years b/c you "really enjoyed it") you bitch and carry on about how stupid your clients are and what an awful day you had. Then you plug in the laptop, kick off your shoes, crack open the vodka and get wasted until dinner.

I know you have health problems, but you aren't doing anything to help them... drinking, as much as you do, does raise blood pressure-look it up. Anti-depressants don't work as well when you drink, your kidney hurts b/c it's full of vodka. You don't know more then your doctor, or me-get a clue.

I miss you so much, the you from years ago. I don't know who the hell you are now, but I'm waiting for my husband to come back.

Confession #1705

These are the things I want from you:

Tell me I'm pretty/sexy/nice/fun to be with, anything. Acknowledge that I make your life better in any way.

Compliment me on dinner/my hair/my eyes/my butt/the kids/the house/ANYTHING.

I would like for you to want to do things with the kids and I. Why don't you even think that if I'm planning on taking our youngest somewhere fun for her b-day that you might want to come? Yes, you came after she asked you to, but why can't you figure out that if would be nice if YOU took the initiative and decided to come because it would mean so much to her?

Why can't you do something nice to show you care, just for the heck of it?

Why do you think that just because YOU like to be alone and not have a big deal made out of your special days, that it's ok to do that for MY special days?

Why can't you realize that the nights I'm not home that it is not cool for the kids to be on one floor watching TV and you're on another floor watching TV. They are your CHILDREN and they need you. Being in the same house as them is NOT doing something with them.

I'd like for you to suggest that I go out and do something nice for myself, go to dinner with a friend, take a girls trip, etc. You would NEVER EVER suggest that I take a break (not even for a damn hour) as you don't want to have to take care of your kids. You know how overwhelmed I get and you can't even be kind enough, loving enough to suggest that I take a break for myself.

I wish that you would realize that yes, you do work hard but that doesn't give you a magic ticket to sit on your butt after dinner every night and do NOTHING with me or the kids. They need you, I need you but you'd rather watch tv.

I wish that you wanted to do things with us. We went on a walk tonight and I didn't even bother asking you, as you'd rather watch tv. We had a fun walk and will have many fun walks in the future, with you at home watching tv all by yourself.

I want you to make a big deal out of the things that I do or have happen to me that are a big deal. Would it have killed you to have acted excited when I told you how I did on my final?

Confession #1706

Yesterday it was a beautiful day. 75 degrees: sunny, warm. It was so nice to be outside, working in the yard after such a harsh winter. I couldn't bring myself to go back inside. If the sun hadn't gone down, I would have kept working. So much needed to be done.

After a few hours of picking up sticks and cleaning out flower beds, I got on the ladder and started cleaning out the gutters. It's a yucky job, but one thing I like about yard work is that once it's done, it looks nice for awhile. It's so unlike housework....when we do dishes, the sink fills back up in just a few hours. We can do housework all weekend, and when I'm done on Sunday evening, there doesn't seem to be much to show for it. Having three kids to help mess it back up could be part of the problem.

Anyway, so there I was on the ladder, cleaning the gutters. I glanced in the kitchen window. There you were, listening to your sports talk radio, cooking supper and doing dishes. I smiled.

Even though we don't do things the traditional husband/wife way, it works. We both work hard at our Monday through Friday jobs. We share the work that is involved with being homeowners, pet owners and parents. We both contribute. You changed nearly as many diapers when our kids were babies as I did. You don't think of any chore as a "woman's job." You don't feel any less manly about me checking the oil in the car or painting the fence. You don't think of me as any less feminine, either.

That's why I smiled at you through the window while I was on the ladder, looking in to the kitchen. Well, that and the fact that you still have the same sexy, muscular biceps that attracted me to you over 17 years ago. You still wrap them around me and make me feel safe just like you always have.

Thank you.

Confession #1707

I have had morning sickness every day since I found out I was pregnant. You
KNOW this. I am moody and irritable and I wake up 20 times a night to pee.
Please excuse me if I have not been "in the mood" lately. Just so you know,
doing the dishes and some laundry would probably be the most effective
foreplay I can think of right now. Just a suggestion.

Confession #1708

I want you to spend time with your children. You've told me that the things they like to do aren't fun. Welcome to the world of being a parent. You should want to spend time with the kids to spend time with the kids and if it's boring/not fun, whatever, get over it. They're your kids and they need you and all they want to do is spend time with you. They don't need you to take them to the circus or do something big and splashy, they want to spend time with you, talking, playing games, anything.

I wish that you would realize that you are working way too much and the impact on our family will be there forever. No one says that you have to work 12+ hr days, go in on the weekends, go in on your days off. NO ONE. You could work another full-time job if you cut down on the hours you work. You're on salary, so you aren't making any extra money by working so much.

I wish you would stop thinking that if you didn't get into bed at such an early hour every night that the world would end. It's sad that the kids put themselves to bed the nights I work because you won't stay up the extra hour it would require. They end up sleeping wherever they fall, don't brush their teeth and basically can do whatever they want once you're in bed. They are good kids and won't get into trouble, but it's a shame that you do this. It's also a shame that we never go see a movie after our 1 nice meal out a year because you have to get to bed. Or that you wanted us to go straight home after dinner out when I wanted to go to the Mall so the kids could ride the carousel. Your excuse was that the mall traffic would be bad but I KNEW it was because it was getting close to your bedtime and god forbid anything stop you from your bedtime.

Confession #1709

I know I don't do a great job of showing you how much I love you. I want you to know that I do. Two weeks ago when my van broke down and you left work to come and rescue me and the girls. You were super busy at work, getting ready to leave for the weekend yet you took time out to get it fixed without getting mad. Our daughters kept saying Daddy to the rescue. I am so glad that they have those feelings for you. I always wanted them to have the Daddy I never did. Spending Saturday night with you, even if you kept telling me to hang out with the girls, was awesome. Sure I should have taken the time to make some new friends but I would have rather hung out with you, even if you were doing dumb boy things :) It has been a long time since it was just us and I realized how much I miss that with our busy lives. I know that we have not had the best of relationship over the years but I am so glad I stuck it out. Thank you for being my prince charming, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate. I love you so much and can't wait to grow old with you.

Confession #1710

I wish that you were thoughtful and wanted to do things for us, just because. I wish that you could show you love me with gestures, kind words, small thoughtful things like a flower or balloon, that you would put us first even every once in a while. I wish that your family was more important to you but we aren't. I wish that I could say that my husband was my soulmate, my best friend, my true love but I can't. I can't even truthfully say that my husband thinks I'm smart/cute/sexy/funny/nice/pretty/anything because the way you act, I'm not any of the above. I wish that my husband would want to spend time with me and the kids and have fun and not act like he was suffering while doing it. I wish that my husband would consider the needs of us first once in a while, but it won't happen. We are always last, after work, tenants, real estate stuff, always last and always will be.

I wish that things were different but they aren't and they never will and that's sad. I've said all of this to you so many times and you aren't willing to change. I don't ask much of you and it's sad that the things that I've told you aren't important enough for you to try to change. I'm not high maintainance at all and that's probably part of the problem, that I've asked so little of you for so long that you just assume that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want and the hell with what anyone else wants. I now am realizing that I deserve more and have talked to you but it either isn't sinking in or you're just too selfish to want to make any changes to what you're doing. I don't think it's asking too much for a husband to act like he likes his wife, thinks she's sexy/pretty, enjoys her company, lets her know that he loves her, etc.


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

True Wife Confessions 170 drops of sap in a bucket

Confession #1691

I wait until I hear the door close indicating that you've left the house
before I get out of bed. I pretend I'm sleeping, I've even been late to
work because of it on occasion. I just can't deal with someone -anyone- in
the morning, especially cause you're such a morning person and so
cheery--argh! Believe me, it's better for both of us if I just pretend I'm
asleep until you go to work.

Confession #1692

I will not pick up your dirty clothes off the floor anymore. Only the
clothes that are in the hamper will be washed. Even your 4 year old puts
his clothes in the laundry basket, I know you can too. And the first time
you run out of underwear I will calmly tell you to pick up a dirty pair off
the floor to wear and put the rest in the HAMPER.
Your loving wife

Confession #1693

If you are dead tomorrow morning .. it will have been me that did it.

You have pushed me and pushed me and I cannot take it any more!

It is either you or me ... I'm worth more than that!

Confession #1694

I gave in and tried the anal sex. You were gentle, took your time - lots of lube and prep. There was no slamming away, no heavy thrusts.

And I liked it. I actually liked it. I am not sore and bloody. I am not cursing you for getting me to try this. It was hot and I am glad we did it. Did you see my smile as you kissed my shoulder and and whispered "That was delicious"?

Confession #1695

he shuffled from the couch today all the way to the TV to change the channel....South Park again for another hour. I know he won't be channel surfing this afternoon..he lost the remote again...and probably his keys for the 5th time this week. God I could scream so loud his ear drums would bust. Another witty anecdote Hun?yes that's right keep on shoveling that stuff out to me....6 more months and your outta here has hit the skids.

Confession #1696

I used to be like most of you. My self-centered jerk of a husband took advantage of me, ignored me, and didn’t give me the love I deserved. The counseling sessions didn’t change anything, no matter how much I begged him to give me what I needed. I was so insecure and scared to leave, so I stayed with him.

Since I knew I wasn’t going to get what I needed at home, I started looking for love and attention in all the wrong places, and I became a cheater. No, I never went all the way if any other man, but I was a cheater all the same. I was so guilt ridden, but on the flip side it felt so good being in the arms of someone who really wanted me. For the first time in years I felt empowered - another man desired me and wanted to take me away – and I was in the position to call all the shots.

I finally got the courage to leave him. It took me two years, but I did it. And it was the best thing I have ever done.

Two years after I moved out, I am officially the luckiest woman in the world. I have found what I have always been looking for. I’m his “perfect ten” and he’s my “forever baby”. He loves me unconditionally, and he loves my daughters. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a man.

Sometimes I wish I never told him about my past. I was the cheater. This fact about me is probably the biggest root of our problems when they arise. “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, right?

Wrong. When you are with the person of your dreams, cheating is not an option. You won’t put yourself in those precarious positions, and you won’t go looking elsewhere for whatever it is you’re missing at home. It’s something I’ve learned based on living in the midst of an unfulfilled marriage and comparing that with a nearly perfect relationship.

Even if you feel like you’re justified in doing so, don’t be a cheater. Do yourselves a favor, ladies - go find your perfect ten, your forever. No matter how hard you think it will be. And if you think you’ve found it but you’re not getting what you need, TALK to him about it!

Confession #1697

It was me who called the cops and told them that you
were driving drunk again. Even though it has been a
pain to have to drive you around, and it costs a lot
of money for you to try and get your license back, I
really don't care.


You promised that you would never drink if you had to
get the kids, and there you were. . .drunk. After we
fought, and you left to buy more liquor, I called the
police and turned you in. I do not regret it one bit.

Confession #1698

I knew I cared for you but I didn't think I loved you. I must though, because last night when you told me you were there with a date my heart broke. I suspected you were seeing someone, but i thought what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. I know I have no room to say anything because I am married. I thought you were my knight in shining armor to save me from my life. I guess I was wrong. I should have seen it coming.

Confession #1699

When you emailed me after seven months, what did you expect? I am still in love with you. It wasn't kind. Just Don't.

Confession #1700

Here is my post. Feel my pain and desperation? Yeah, it sucks to be me. Sorry this is so long, I have just waited so long to say it, I didn’t want to miss anything,

I fucking hate you more than mere words can express. I lay awake and night thinking how I ended up here. You fart and laugh like an 8 year old boy, you pick your nose and “fling” it’s contents onto the floor where our daughter sometimes lies and sleeps. Your breath smells like death, your personal hygine is serious lacking, and you generally make me sick to my stomach. I fucking hate your guts, so no, I don’t want to suck your dick or have you fuck me. Which, by the way, as long as I’m telling the truth, you suck at! All that grunting, thrusting and that horrible face you make couldn’t possibly turn me off more. You suck in bed. And, while I’m at it I might as well tell you that you suck and a friend, husband and father. You are a self centered piece of shit. You think you care, but you don’t have the first clue what it REALLY means to care for another person, to put that person before yourself. It is like living with an addict. One minute you are nice and all lovey to me and the next you are freezing me out and telling me to shut up and deal with it. I am not your mother, stop treating me like her. The question I keep asking myself is, why I stay with you when I hate just about EVERYTHING about you. Is it because I have no self-esteem and can’t imagine that anyone could love me, want me, be nice to me, treat me well, really care about me and what I think; or is it because I am too afraid to go out there and try to make it on my own. I will stay with you because I am trapped. Either for real, or or my own making; it’s just that some days I think I would rather die than look at you, hear your voice or put up with you. Would it surprise you if I told you that I would kill you and live well off the insurance money if I thought for one second that I could actually get away with it? Yeah, well I would!

Friday, March 23, 2007

True Wife Confessions 169- 13 Squared

Confession #1681

Soul Cry

Hurting at the very core of myself.
I can feel my soul cry.
Screaming at the top of my lungs, but nobody’s hearin’
Stuck here.
Rattlin’ my chain and turning this wheel.

Caught up

I’m fearin’ this is cycle that is my life’s story, caught between a fairy tale a dream sold and a nightmare

and some where between sleep and awake
I find it never seems to end.

I’m looking for answers and looking to be heard, felt.
Understood and trying to understand, loved seen if but for a minute

But I got conflicting emotions, wondering if they were all lies you told me I’m trying to live this dream you sold me. But I find more often then not I’m left holding the ball you dropped.

Alone, lonely and cryin’ out for too long now with this feeling

Got me second guessin’ I’m not tryin’ to make it yo’ fault but damn, can we talk because the situation begs the question, I’ve got to ask, are you for me?

I got so much stuff on my mind now and it doesn’t seem I should be dealing alone but here I am.
Frustration has more than taken it’s toll, At my breaking point now and still.
Spinning this wheel and praying this pain will stop or at least someone, anyone, would hear my.

Soul cry.

Confession #1682

My work “boyfriend” has moved away.

I miss him.

I am not supposed to feel this way……

Confession #1683

I am so glad that you dumped me. I wish I could call you up and thank you, because I know I gave you the impression that it was a devestating blow, and it was back then. But you are a manipulative asshole and a liar, and it did not take long for me to realize that after you let me go.

When I met you - I gave you a chance. When I first saw you, I did not think you were very attractive and your snaggletooth scared the hell out of me. I thought you were a big nerd, and maybe even gay. But also I thought you were kind and earnest and you did not care that I was a single-parent. I was very weary of having you meet my child, but you insisted that you really wanted to and that you were so serious about me, so I let you. I am embarassed that I let you play 'house' with me and my child. (PS - you know nothing about parenting!) You said that you wanted to be her father. You're an asshole.

I met your parents and sister and her family and bonded with all of them. You are also an asshole for letting your nieces become so close to me and then ripping me out of their lives. You sister specifically asked you not to do that. I kept loving you and saw past the fact that your father was a complete racist, controlling asshole and that I found him disgusting. Oh wait... you are so much like him.

One day you changed and showed me who you really are. Someone who just wants someone to bend to their will. Someone who has no clue who they are and is scared of growing up. Someone who will have an unhappy life. Sit in your bar with your aging girlfriend-less buds and have your sausage party and get plastered every night. Wow - what a life! I couldn't fit into that lifestyle, so you said you changed your mind and you weren't ready to settle down and it was over. It sucked then but THANK YOU!!!!

I would have been miserable with you - you would have been a wretched father and husband. The type of girl you want does not exsist. You will never be happy. I was the cutest girl you ever dated (you said so yourself, and I saw the pics...) and the nicest and now I am gone and I hope you remember how well I treated you forever! Now I am getting married to a wonderful man who is SO much better than anything you could ever be. You lose, buddy!

PS - I know about your secret internet S&M sex life, you perv. Oh yeah, and your tattoos are the ugliest and dumbest things I have ever seen! Stop showing them off!

Confession #1684

I love True Wife Confessions, and I try to use the entries to check myself and
my behavior. There was another fellow who wrote and said, "I've been all these
guys." Well, I have been a lot of them too. I've been reading for about a month
now and since I started I have...

..Come home and NOT set up my laptop first thing. In fact there have been a few
nights now when I didn't turn it on at all. The world did not end, or stop

..have done kitchen work before going to bed, like I used to.

..Written little "I love you" notes in the morning and put them where she can
find them.

..Come home and NOT turned on "Law and Order" before I said hi or kissed her.
Sometimes I didn't turn on the tv or change the channel from "Friends".

..came home from work with fixin's for dinner so she didn't have to do it after
she got home from work.

..actually sat and listened and talked (more than once) like we did when we
were first married. She's still fun to talk to she's still so beautiful. I
still love her so much. She wasn't used to us spending time with me like that.
I felt bad that I had neglected her that way.

..I drove with her and her teen-age son (with whom I have an iffy relationship)
to his game in a part of town she doesn't know.

I don't want a pat on the back for doing stuff that I ought to be doing anyway.
I married her because I loved her and I wanted to treat her like the special,
wonderful person she is. As the years have gone by, five in April, I've gotten
slack. I take her for granted and I don't want to do that. I'm not perfect, and
I've done things that have hurt her...just as she's done things that have hurt
me. But I want to do the best I can, and this helps me stay on track. I might
show up here for something bad someday...I'm human after all.

Anyway, my thanks to you and to all the women who participate. More of us men
ought to pay attention here.

You can use this or not. I just wanted to say again...thanks to you and to all
the women here.

Confession #1685

OK. Let's recap:

You're a convicted felon. You owe thousands of dollars in credit card debt. The IRS is after you for tax evasion. You owe your first ex-wife and your last girlfriend money. Your driver's license has been revoked, and you continue to drive. You hacked into my email and emailed everyone in my address book, slandering me. You never see your son, and never even attempt to see him. You stalked me and threatened my life. You falsely accused me of cheating on you with someone I haven't seen in 4 years. You falsely accused me of being a drug addict, forced me to take an OBSERVED drug test, and when the results came back negative, you said the test was flawed. You raped me 3 times. You tried to get me arrested. (Stop me if any of this is even remotely untrue.) YOU had the AUDACITY to file for an Order of Protection against ME, which the Judge dismissed, with a warning to you. Every day you listed all of the ways in which I was not meeting your needs. You broke the closet door and blamed it on me. You never allowed me to sleep, keeping me up all nite, every nite, with a list of your demands and my shortcomings. You're an alcoholic. You refuse to go for therapy. You placed a phony ad for an apartment and then tried to make me feel as if I had done something wrong by answering the ad.

And each time I went back to you.

Then you kicked me out into the street, knowing I had nowhere to go, and knowing that what you were doing was against the law.

Shame on me for staying for so long.


Confession #1686

I just got our 14 month old son to sleep in his crib instead of in our bed a week ago.

The sex we've had for the last three night has been mind blowing.

Confession #1687

you are breaking my heart with all your talk and no action. I want to believe you and I don't want to be a quitter but we haven't gone to therapy yet. I don't trust you on so many levels. That has to be healed if we are going to stay together. I get so sick of you talking about all the trips we're going to take or going fishing or Colorado or whatever. We NEVER do it. You're full of bullshit promises. I wish so much that you really wanted this and was willing to work at it but you're all just talk.

You think I should be happy because you say "Love you" when we hang up. Or that you give me money twice a month. And each month that goes by, it starts out great but more time passes and yet nothing. And then when I say anything unpleasant - you go AWOL on me until the next event - birthday or house repair, whatever. Then we're back on the merry go round, smiling and being happy until it comes time for you to DO SOMETHING. You are so limited as a human being.

I don't want a divorce. I want us to be married, living in the same house and spending time together. Not all the time, just some time. Fuck. I keep wishing we would work this out. And btw, you should be ashamed for letting your mother stay in that nursing home. She deserves better. And when she is gone, you will not EVER have anyone love you as much as that woman did. Let's see if you got that - you will never be loved on this earth as much as your Mother loved you. You should be doing everything you can to save her and you barely will even go see her.

What happened to your AA meetings and doing the steps. Because I will never forgive you for tormenting me during my Dad's funeral with your temper tantrum until you ask forgiveness. You were the fucking scum of the earth that weekend. Alcohol or not. Just because you quit drinking doesn't mean I forgive you for all the bullshit. I'm not happy to just have you sober, I want some real and honest conversation. Do you even know how to do that?

Confession #1688

The four of us are "friends", but now everything has turned to shit. My confession is that I am pissed. Your fiancé crossed the line talking shit about me and saying things simply to hurt feelings because he was backed in a corner.

I have covered his ass too many times to name about too many lies of his that he's told. You are so quick to judge my relationship, but please take a moment to look at yours. He is a pathological liar. There are many, many things that you don't know about him that will affect your life directly. Ever wonder why EVERYONE always has a different story about the same situation than him? Ever wonder why he doesn't have a checking account? What he says about you and your relationship behind your back? He will blame his behavior on his friends and family, which only make you hate them more, but then blame you to them. Everyone hears the comments he makes to you under is breath. You defend him because you love him and believe him, but deep down I really think that you are aware that he's an asshole, liar, insecure, arrogant prick. He's a 30-something year old man and giggles and points at handicapped and over weight people. It's really time for him to grow up and get some compassion.

I do pity him because everyday he's lying about something to someone. It's amazing how he can keep it all straight. When you called me upset with doubts about marrying him and I tried to make you feel better? – I really wanted to tell you that you should hold on to those doubts and run for the hills. Now that he's starting talking shit about me, I'm just going to sit back and watch his house of cards fall down on him. It will happen someday, years and years from now, but I don't want to miss it.

Confession #1689

why can't this site be just a confession for anyone in your life that you wish you could say something to but can't.

if so, it would be to my mother. she definitely drives me crazier than my husband does.

so briefly, mom, i do not believe you simply *forgot* my birthday after the big to-do you made about me not coming over on MY birthday. you say that you miss me and wonder why we can't be friends but it's because of stuff like that. you give me such grief over things that you make me not want to be around you. i hate it because if you were my husband or a friend or anyone else, you would have been out of my life a long time ago.

and to my husband. sometimes i say that i am sick to my stomach or have a headache because i am too depressed to get off the couch or out of bed. my medicine doesn't seem to be working anymore, but i am going to the doctor soon to hopefully fix that.

Confession #1690

Sometimes I ask myself why you are with me. Or why we even bother to talk about things. Nothing ever changes when we do. The other night I was almost begging to go out and you didn’t want to go. This was fine I understood. Until your lil friend called and wanted to go. O of course you jumped on it then didn’t you. I don’t think you realize you do these things. I can’t remember the last time we went out. Just you and me, one of you lil friends is always there. And I get ignored the entire time. I thought by telling you this the other night it would change things. NOPE. That night things were ok... But we go out last night and I sat there the entire time playing games on my damn phone. Why? Because not one word was being said to me the whole night. I’m in a pool hall and I’m playing bejeweled on a cell phone because apparently girls don’t play pool. Well that’s a crock and you know it because we used to play all the time. Now I’m not even asked to play at all. So while you are shooting and having a good ole time drinking with your buddies I’m sitting there staring at the walls. This is why I don’t talk to you about things. Cause no matter what I say things will never change. They only way to get your attention it’s to start bitching about you drinking so much and trying to drive home. I know you would never intentionally hurt me but sometimes I wonder what is going through your head. Because the more I express concerns the more I’m ignored. It doesn’t matter what it is. I sent you an email expressing concerns about another situation. I know you read it but not a word was said about it. Funny how I tell you that you being around a certain person could cause us to break up and you have nothing to say about it. Do you really not give a fuck about what I’m thinking or doing anymore? Just when I thought we were doing good BAM I get smacked with some more bullshit. You run and hide the fact that you still talk to your little bitch.. Well guess what fucktard I see everything you fuckin say to her. You seem to forget i have the password to you email and everything else. Keep this shit up and she can have you. And the two of you can live a happy delusional life together... FUCK OFF

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

True Wife Confession 168 hours in a week

Confession #1671

When i lived in California in 1964 we lived in a trailer next door to a big nice looking Ottawa Indian and his brother.He would make remarks about how good my body looked after having 3 kids as I was only19 and needed a compliment. One day while hubby was working I had the kids sleeping and went next door where Pete was and one thing led to another and before I knew it He had my panties off and was inside me with the biggest penis I ever saw. I begged him not to cum in me but he did and to make a long story short I delivered his daughter 9 months later and she. not looking like the others made my life a living hell but hubby raised her like his own and now she's asking who her real father is and I don't know where to find him. What should I now do as she knows her dad isn't her real dad.Now hubby want's to see me with another man and watch us have sex. Should I do it after him raising her like he did.I have to admit that it sounds like fun He can now longer get it up and says it would greatly satisfy him to see another man have intercourse with me and see his sperm run out of me. If you know someone in our area, let me know.

Confession #1672

The first four years of marriage were great, and then the fifth year sucked.

And I find myself wondering if the first four years were just an extended honeymoon, and this is the reality of our marriage, or if this past year was an anomaly, and it will all be okay again soon.

I wonder if our marriage can survive the distance that has grown between us this year. I wonder if I really want it to - I'm kindof enjoying the freedom.

I wonder if our marriage can recover from the fact that I kissed another man. Or that I feel like I can't ever tell you about it. Or that, although he and I have talked about it, and decided never to let it happen again, it's almost all I think about lately. I wonder if I finally screwed things up for good. A part of me hopes that I did.

Confession #1673

A little over four years ago, I told you that I didn't believe in soul mates. You responded with "get back to me on that in five years." Although absolutely nothing has gone the way we expected, I still wonder if you were right. No matter how much I've tried to forget you, you've always been on my mind. No matter how many times I've tried to convince myself that you don't love me, that you're no good for me.... I still long for you, and its not just lust. Do you even see it? Is my own pride fucking this up? Is yours? You think you're not worth it, but I do. I want to make you happy. Just being in your presence after all that time, all those broken plans, all those words... it was nice. Relieving. Peaceful. It was almost perfect the way it happened. Fate is funny. I wish I would've kissed you (at the very least), but I certainly don't want to make life any harder for you right now. I'm proud of us this time. You aren't the only one I love, but you're the only one who makes me feel this way. Maybe I'll get the courage to get back to you in another year. Or maybe I'm just an idiot. Only time will tell.

Confession #1674

I apologize, this is a long confession, but there are lots of things to get

I love you, I really do. You do so many wonderful things for me and you can
be so thoughtful and sweet. I love how well you get along with my family,
and how good you are with my nephew. You and I have so much fun together;
sometimes you make me laugh harder than anybody. I love that you think I'm
beautiful and sexy and how affectionate you are. I love that you help
strangers and are so kind to children and the elderly.

But I don't understand why things have to be so difficult. I understand
that your ex-wife did a number on you, and that you have a hard time
trusting. And after feeling like I was living with my parole officer for
the first year of our relationship, you are getting better about that. You
no longer treat me as guilty until proven innocent. But you still have
issues with what I can only guess is insecurity. I've done everything I can
think of to prove to you that you can trust me, and yet you still don't.
You complain that I don't give you access to my email and bank account, even
though you've given me the passwords to yours. Well you know what? I
didn't WANT that access, and I don't want you to have access to mine. Never
once have I logged on to your email account and read your emails. Never
once have I checked your bank balance. If there's something in there that
you don't want me to see, I don't care. Because I TRUST YOU. If an
ex-boyfriend emailed me out of the blue and you found it, you would flip
out. It doesn't matter that I didn't initiate of invite it. I would have
to explain it to you, and I shouldn't have to-you should trust me.

Along the same lines, you get so upset whenever I want to do something that
doesn't involve you. When I want to watch a movie without you, you complain
I'm choosing it over you. Get a GRIP!! Sometimes I'm going to want to do
things by myself-I'm not giving up everything in my life that you don't like
or want to do. It's completely unfair to even ask that-and I DO NOT ask or
expect that from you. I don't care if you go play golf or go hunting or
even just go out and eat wings with your buddies. I don't need you to be
with me all the time, or to do everything with you, and I don't feel at all
threatened by your desire to do things without me. Sometimes I'm just happy
you're gone so I can do whatever I want!!

And everything always has to be the way that YOU want it to be or think it
should be. If you don't like/agree with/understand it, it's ridiculous.
And you tell me I shouldn't feel bad when you disagree with me, that I
should be able to stand up for my opinions and desires-well, I get TIRED of
fighting for everything I want or like. Some things I just shouldn't have
to defend! You call me lazy for wanting to sit and watch movies for a day
simply because you can't stand to sit still. You'd rather drag me with you
while you go to Home Depot or go fishing so you don't feel like you've
"wasted the day". Well, maybe you should consider that I feel like my day
is "wasted" if I haven't done the things that I wanted to do. And sometimes
I just want to RELAX! I'm the only one who ever does anything around our
house, and I get tired of it. And I LOVE to read-just because you don't do
it doesn't mean that it's pointless and I shouldn't do it.

I know it bothers you, but I'm going to join a band. Singing is what I was
built for, it's what I love, and it's getting to the point where I don't
even care how you feel about it. I did without it for so long because you
didn't want me to do it. You're afraid it's going to take up all my time,
and I think deep down you don't want guys watching me and hitting on me, and
you're afraid I'll meet someone else and leave you. But the bottom line
is, music is important to me, almost more important than anything, and I
feel you need to just accept that and be supportive and enthusiastic. NOT
put me down for even wanting it and then listing all the reasons I shouldn't
do it. I would NEVER do that to you. Again, you need to TRUST me-give me
the chance to screw up, at least, before you beat me up about it.

And don't even get me started on the sex issue. You've been so much better
about that, but any time we go more than three days without you (yes, you,
not US) getting some action, you flip out about it all over again. So
here's the deal: YES, I wanted sex more often in the beginning of our
relationship, but that's because you were Prince Charming then. NO, I don't
want to have sex every day-I might if I wasn't so tired from fighting with
you and cleaning up after you. YES, you need to get me in the mood, and NO,
starting to jerk off while I'm in the bathroom getting ready for bed does
not count. YES, the sex is great, but frankly, you're just too rough
sometimes. It seems like you need that to finish, but it makes me feel like
you don't care if it hurts me or not-as if I'm just an object you're using
and your pleasure is ultimately what matters. And then you want me to want
to have sex later that same day or the next day? You've got to be kidding.
And I don't think it's fair that if I'm not going to have sex with you, you
feel entitled to a blow job or a hand job. Every. Single. Day. You are
very generous to me in bed-you love to please me, and I know that, but I
feel like you don't listen.

It's a running theme with you, I think. We've talked about all of these
things, but they are still problems. You do realize them, I think, and you
say you're going to try to be better (and you have, in so many ways). I
really hope you do, because if things don't improve, I will leave you. I
spent too long learning who I am and how to love myself to let you slowly
wear me down and erode me. I love you dear, but your issues could kill this
relationship. I'm so torn, because I really do love you, but the thought of
marrying you and spending the rest of my life this way absolutely terrifies

Confession #1675

I don't know why exactly, but I felt like I just wanted to write in about
things. I'm a 23 year old male who is very much in love, but is also very
afraid. I've spent the last hour or so reading these posts, and I'm afraid.
Afraid of myself, afraid of the mistakes that I might make. I actually
found this site because I googled, "I'm afraid I might cheat".

I like to think of myself as a good person and people tell me often that
I am, but it's a hard thing to believe. I'm with a girl now who is so
incredibly talented, loving, and wonderful that I can't imagine being with
anyone else. Very recently, no more than a few days ago, she confided in me
about the reason for her parents' divorce. She told me that her father had
repeatedly cheated on her mother. I knew that it would hurt her horribly if
I ever did something like that to her, hence the aforementioned google

The reason I'm afraid is simple. In one of my past relationships, I
thought I had clearly broken things off with a girl who was going overseas.
I was distrought because I expected her to find someone else where she was
going, so I thought it was pretty much over, especially since we had only
dated for a month or so before she left. After a while of her being gone I
had detached sex with someone during a depressive bout. Later on, after her
being overseas for awhile and getting settled in, something I didn't expect
happened; she started calling me frequently. She didn't think we had broken
up! I knew I had made a mistake in not being clear enough with her and in
assuming that she wanted to date people abroad. After a month or so, I
finally built up the courage to tell her about what had happened and that I
was sorry that I hadn't made things more clear before she left. She
couldn't forgive me even though I apologized and begged forgiveness for
months after trying to fix it. I don't want to feel that way again. I
don't want to feel like I can't forgive myself or that I've caused someone
that much pain...

I love this woman I'm with now so much that I know I never want to betray
her trust, but I also know that I'm human and I could make a mistake. I
never want to hurt her, but I'm afraid, even moreso after reading all these
testimonies. I have faith in myself that I will try to be the best husband
I can be to her, but I'm afraid of that part of myself that makes mistakes.
I want to tell her about what happened before with this girl, but I'm afraid
that she won't ever feel like she can trust me if I tell her. I also feel
terrible because a part of me is even afraid that she might eventually
betray my trust as well. It's a scary thing to feel like even the epitome
of a kind, loving, honest, caring, woman might eventually cheat on me. I
want to get over my own fears that are built up from being used by women in
the past. It's odd to say, but typically I'd be the one left crying in an
empty bed the morning after. I know that I'm out of place here, and that
many of you may feel less than sympathetic towards me, but what all of you
have said has had a strong impact on me. It's made me want to work even
harder to be the best human being I can be.

Love, if you read this I hope you know that I love you more than anything
and that I always want to work to maintain our relationship. I want to know
that you're in it for the long haul just as much as I am. I want to know
that we won't give up on each other. I want you to know that I intend to
tell you everything from here on out. I don't want us to ever get so
distant that we start looking for an escape. I want to fight for this. I
want to fight for us. I want to fight to be a better man than your father
was... There's no one else I'd rather grow old with.

Confession #1676

Sometimes, I forget to wipe the shower down, or don't feel like it (yes, I know it slows down mold growth!), and just hang the wiper on the hook, knowing it will be dry by the time you get home and you won't know the difference.

Confession #1677

Sometimes I don't make the bed until just after I get home after work. So yes, that spider you found the other day under the covers on your side is probably my fault.

Confession #1678

I bought a whole bag of cadbury's mini eggs on our joint account the other day and ate every one of them by myself. I didn't want to share. I don't drink, so the bar is aaalll yours.

Confession #1679

I wish you would switch your man-panties to boxers. They are such a turnoff sometimes.

Confession #1680

I'm the girl that posted 1370.

So..I saw HIM. The one that "got away". He moved here just like he said he would and I drove about 3 hours to see him. It was great to see him again, and felt just like old times. I tried to justify it by saying to him that if things were good between you and I, I wouldn't be there. We were going through problems, so, that makes it okay. We went out for drinks, and came back to his place. He was dying to get in my pants, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could not do you THAT dirty. We kissed, and I was practically naked in the bed w/ him, but I couldn't give "it" up. While we're kissing and having fun, you keep calling. I don't answer. The next day when I saw how many missed calls there were (this is soooooooo not like you) I pick up my phone to call you back. It rings in my hand. It's you, and you're in the hospital. Have been there since the night before, but since I was too fucking busy to answer, I find out that morning. I felt like shit! Before it was you that was acting as if you were single and doing things behind my back, and now it's me. I hauled ass out of there like nobody's business and got to the hospital. We spent the next 2 days there. I didn't even leave the hospital to check on my poor dog.

The guilt of that night kept me crying inside because, I know it was probably GOD teaching me a lesson or something. But it wasn't enough to keep me away. I went back, and again, did the same little dance, but no sex. But this time, I realized that I was in love with my past, what we USED to have. He's no longer what I thought he was! He made it very clear to me, that he only wanted to have sex, and nothing more. Hell, the guy has a GF. I told myself, it would be the LAST time I'd go to see him. Even though we have some rocky times, I've changed my mindset, at least I'm trying to, and see that this was my way of "checking out". In the last post I talked about your reluctance about marriage. It's now a non-issue, because I am the one that doesn't want to get married. I want to push it off as much as I can because I want to make sure I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. I have so many doubts it is not even funny, but I don't know if they're really doubts, or just me trying to guard my heart from being broken. The things you do don't get to me quite like they used to, and that bothers me. It should bother you too.

If I tell you you're not affectionate, you do it for like 1-2 days or something, but after that, it goes back to normal. We have virtually no sex life. We only do it on the weekends. I'm not happy with just 1 time a week. We're not even close to being 30 yet..what the fuck!!! We have no kids, nothing to tie us down, yet you have no energy for sex. And if we do have sex, it's usually b/c I initiate it. And if by some off chance you do the initiating, it's so half-assed it's not even worth it. I do have other body parts you know!!! Besides my pussy and my fucking breasts. What happened to you!!! I don't like what's happening to me, because it just shows me how not into you I'm becoming, and I don't want to be that way. But until I see something drastically different, I'll never open up to you the way I was in the beginning. You were my everything, and now you're just my man. And maybe that was the problem all along. I let you become the center of my life, and you're just a small part of it. I've learned to be a realist and stop living in a "fantasy world". I know now that just because you're with someone for x amount of years doesn't mean you should be married. I've learned to "go with the flow" because in the years you spend with someone, that's when you realize who that person is. Had I jumped the broom, I'd still be finding out about all your short-comings. I love you, I want this to work, but at night I pray that we'll make it, or that I'll get a sign that you're not IT for me. And this is why I take that pill religiously. There's no way I'm having a baby with you, not that you've asked. But that is my number 1 fear. That I'll end up with YOUR baby, and when I finally get tired of you, I really won't be able to leave. How fucked up is this!!! I started to write this post as something positive, and all this other stuff flooded out. You're a good guy, you don't really hang out, you're about your job, you don't abuse me in any way, but the spark baby, is just fading, and I need it back.

I hope you don't propose, because I won't know the right way to say no.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

True Wife Confession 167 Prime Curiosities

Confession #1661

My husband asked me for a divorce last night. I have to confess -- I'm relieved. It's been coming for years. So maybe this will be one of my last confessions here. I don't ever want to be a wife again.

Confession #1662

That's OK, let ME do it!!

Yesterday you got home around 1pm, and you proceeded to do nothing! I
got off work picked up one of the kids and took her over to the other
campus for her evening class. While waiting for her I picked up your
vitamins at that store nearby. I thought you were going to put the
frozen lasagna in the oven, after all you said you would. Well, when I
got home at 5:30, I didn't even check I just assumed you had. I came
upstairs where you were at your computer (AGAIN), shopping on ebay for
coins (AGAIN). You informed me that the shredder needed to be emptied,
it was jamming. I'm sorry, when did you become an double
amputee???????? I went back downstairs to get a trash bag, for some
reason every male in our house thinks there is a secret combination lock
on any cabinet, drawer, or closet that contains cleaning products. Came
up emptied the stupid shredder, the two trash cans in the bedroom and
then went back downstairs to throw it out.

That is when I noticed that you hadn't put the lasagna in, so I did
that. While waiting for that to be done, I cleaned up the kitchen, for
the second time that day, set the table, made the rest of dinner. Came
to sit with you and asked if you had taken the other kid's shirt to the
dry cleaner because he has a concert the next night. You said, oh, I
thought you were going to do that......nope dude you said YOU were!! So
up the stairs I go and get all of the dry cleaning and rush over because
the place closes at 7pm. Then I have to go over to the grocery store
because no one remembered to pick up the allergy medicine. We sit down
to dinner at 7:30, you are mad because I didn't want to sit and watch
some stupid show with you. I clean up after dinner.

IDIOT, I'm going in for knee surgery in two weeks - you know that after
my surgery last year it is extremely painful to go up and down the
stairs. Don't you remember that I left my first husband because he
expected me to do everything......

Confession #1663

What is wrong with me?!?! You love me better than I deserve, I know this. And yet I don't want to be married. Not to you, not to anyone. It's not your fault. I knew when we got married that I shouldn't do it, I'm just not built for it, but I did it anyway. I love you, I'll always love you but I don't love you like I should. Can I even get out of this? I know I can but I will break your heart if I do, and I don't know if I can handle doing that to you. So, maybe it's better to stay where I am.

Confession #1664

I dont even know how to start this. While I'm happy you've lost the weight and are working and i'm proud at how hard you're working at this, i'm pissed that you are putting it all before your family.

I get so annoyed to hear you say you started working out before the 2 year old is put to bed, I'm sick of hearing about your workout, every minute detail, I dont care, my eyes glaze over, but what makes me snap back to attention is the blantant point that you are putting YOU first and not our kids. Its not fair to the 8 year old to make her watch her brothers for an hour to an hour and a half while you work out, spend some fucking time with these kids, she's failing school, are you helping her with homework or making sure she's doing the extra work I've left out for her? No because you have to do the treadmill. Stop putting yourself first and our kids last, they are more important than some little belly bulge you've got left.

Things need to change, you have changed so much in the past year and I dont like the person you are becoming. You are becoming so damn vain, do you REALLY need to ask me EVERY FUCKING DAY if your stomach looks flatter? WTF?! Every time you pass a mirror you look at yourself, cut it OUT! And I was serious when I told you I wanted you to stop taking that protein stuff, you have such awful mood swings when on it that I want to brain you.

As for you and I, I dont even know what to do with that anymore, your little snit fits because I didn't want to read what you were reading on the computer, guess what, that stuff isn't that funny or interesting to me and you expected me to read 12 pages of posts on it? After working and being tired the last thing I want to do is appease you, and YES you had an attitude. When you slam stuff on your desk and shut down the computer and bitch that what I was watching is Boring as all hell, yup thats a TUDE Mr. Snit Fit.

Confession #1665

All those things I said in our fight last night, I meant them! As mean as they were, I mean every one of them! You tell me that I have no empathy, but you are wrong. I have empathy for everyone but you. I do not care to put myself in your shoes because I do not care how you feel anymore. How many times must I cater to your hypochondria? Must I forgive your lies, your gambling, your substance abuse forever? Well, I am not. 2 years is all you have. I will finish my degree and I am gone. The only way that I can stand to look at you another second is to know that this relationship has an expiration date, and it is 2 years!!
Oh, and by the way...the reason that I seem so self absorbed to you, is because you are a textbook narcissist. But you will never recognize that either....will you?

Confession #1666

Dear Husband,

First and foremost, thank you so much for helping me create and care for our beautiful son, thank you for providing us with the luxuries of a beautiful home that we own and all of the other wonderful amenities. Thank you for working so hard for your family and never hesitating to put us before yourself. You are wonderful.

That being said, dear Husand... would it be possible for you to perhaps regain some semblance of your former personal hygeine habits? You have a dirty job hunny and when you come home, you stink. I do not like to smell your ass and or balls. Could you possibly shave your face for me occasionally? You ask me all the time why I turn my head when you try to kiss me. Darling, you have the most toxic breath I have ever had the personal pleasure of smelling. Brush your teeth already! I understand that you have *bad teeth* That is not an excuse to completely neglect your dental hygeine.

I shower regularly and even brush my teeth! Trust me, it is not alot of effort and the pay off for you my dear sweet husband would be huge! I love you, but please JUST WASH YOUR ASS!

Confession #1667

A male point of view, I have so many thoughts running around in my head since I stumbled across this blog, I have read everyone and it hits home to me so much, I was all those guys that everyone writes about..
I married my high school girlfriend at 22, only because she pushed me get married or else.[I'm leaving you] so I figured what the hell all my friends have gotten married so I might as well. Should have known things might not work out when I tried to pickup on one of the bridesmaids at my own wedding.

It just got better from there, I'll spare you all the details but for 8 years I had so many affairs I can't count them all, her friends, co-workers anyone that would go I was up for it. After we divorced I continued my ways but somewhere along the way I gave that all up, nobody deserves to be treated that way, that person I was, no longer exist today.

As I read all these confessions I wonder why men want to treat their girls the way they do
Cheating, ignoring, internet porn,thinking of their wife as a maid , taxi driver,and just there to pick up after them.. I don't get. I have never remarried but I can tell you if I ever found THAT woman, things would be different... everyone needs their own time but you also have to think of the feelings of your mate to. Reading these stories makes me remember what a jerk I was and how you don't know what you have till it's gone............

Confession #1668

I cheated on you. I was with someone who was more drunk than I; he was flirty, grabby, and I didn't care at the time. I laughed and told him to stop; we were playing. We went to his place along with several friends. Our intent was to drink more, talk, and stay up til dawn. Somehow our talking was done in bed. He was constantly trying to get me out of the night shirt he lent me; I found it amusing. We didn't have sex but I don't think that matters when one is lying practically naked next to someone other than their beloved.

When I got home the next morning, you were asleep in our bed. I didn't tell you.
Now it's the second day and I'm starting to feel ill inside. If I continue to keep this to myself, I will come to despise myself. Still, I'd rather be self-loathing than feel your anger, disappointment, and hurt.

I am so sorry.

Confession #1669

Sometimes, when I tell you I’m working, all I’m really doing is reading slash fiction about characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Confession #1670

Ha! So I think I am still in love with the married man that I "dated" before you.
I never got to say goodbye to him and it is bothering me tremendously - I guess I hoped that the feelings would fade.
But they haven't.
I sent him a text message a few weeks ago when you were being a dick headed asshole (remember that?) and he
has been surprisingly receptive to me.
We have talked about fucking and he promises that now that I've hurt him so badly (told him that I used him, faked orgasms and the like) that he can fuck me without any of the emotion. I told him my most intimate sexual desire - I am craving pussy. I want to taste it, I want to feel it, I want to lick a wet, dripping pussy - I want to make a pussy cum.

He wants to watch me do it. But he admitted that he wants to fuck me, first.

The other night when I told you I went to work, I went to meet him.
At first, it was weird seeing him. He has lost weight and looks wonderful. But my heart didn't skip a beat, it immediately felt wrong.
But I kissed him and that got my pussy so very wet. My neck got hot and the hairs on my neck and arms stood up.
I honestly fought it for about 15 seconds and then I kissed him again and again. I put his hand inside my thong and told him to go deep. Feeling his fingers sliding around inside me - pretty much sealed it for me.
We hopped into his truck and I quickly put his dick in my mouth. It tasted so good - I wanted him to cum in my mouth so I could come home and kiss you but it didn't go down like that.
Instead I sat on his dick. Unfortunately, I have a tiny bit of conscious left in me so after a few good strokes - I hopped off.

Now you are out of town for awhile and I am thinking of having him over ....

I have told you that you need to keep me happy. Your constant bitching about what I do wrong (or rather what I don't do right!) is pushing me away.

It happened to you before - now it is happening again. I KNOW I'm fucked up but when will you recognize that you are too?

Friday, March 09, 2007

True Wife Confessions 166 sips of a very hot beverage

Confession #1651

I saw a couple looking longingly/lovingly into each other's eyes and it made me feel very sad, as you have never looked lovingly into my eyes and never will. You don't even act like you like me, much less love me. How many time do I need to tell you what I need from you and what our kids need from you? I can't spell it out any simpler and it's pissing me off that you act like you really care but then, do nothing. Nada. I'm tired of talking to you and you doing nothing.

Why am I never in the mood? What have you done to make me be in the mood? Do you act like you think I'm sexy/pretty/funny/anything other than just the maid? Do you pay me compliments? Do anything sweet, just because? Touch me other than when you want to get laid? I can be in the mood ALL THE TIME and you know that, as evidenced by before. But, if you don't do anything to make me get in the mood (other than jumping me when I get into bed) it won't happen or at least not often.

I don't have any idea what goes on in your head. I know you love me but you never show it and it's sad. Your kids love you and just want time with you, want to do things with you and you don't and won't. Sitting in front of the TV/computer in the family room DOES not count as spending time with your family. Work is more important, everything is more important to you and your family comes in last. Sad.

Confession #1652

When I found out that you're doing to your new wife the exact same thing
you did to me, I secretly smiled. She deserves you. I deserve better.

Confession #1653

I hate the fucking dogs so much that I'm actually contemplating cancelling the wedding and leaving you. I know it was my idea to get them in the first place, but I had no idea they would be soul sucking hounds of hell. It is NOT okay for them to be on the brand new leather sofa after chewing the shit out of the old one. Having to replace all carpets, lino and hardwood because of them chewing is NOT normal. Get your head out of your ass and get rid of them, or you'll be rid of me.

Confession #1654

Dear husband,

Do you realize that throughout our entire evening tonight (through dinner, dessert and a nice walk) you talked of nothing but yourself? You didn’t ask me one question. Instead you yammered on and on about what you said to the underling you lunched with today. What kinds of sexy outfits the waitresses were wearing. And what you said to your superiors. And then you talked about your presentation prowess. And how everyone LOVES you at work. And how you motivate and inspire your underlings. Gag. Corporate America is comprised of a bunch of men (and even women) in a continuous pissing contest. Don’t whip that dick out and try to act like yours is the biggest one in the room just yet. Because it ain’t. I’m curious of what your employees REALLY think of you. But even if they DO like you, they’ll soon see what I do: you’re all talk and no action.

You definitely have a talent for sizing someone up in the first few minutes of meeting them then figuring out what sweet words they want to hear and then charming the pants off of them. According to you, everyone is eating out of the palm of your hand… Yeah. I’ll bet.

But anyway… It would have been nice if you would have asked (in our four hour date) how my day was. Or even said, “You look nice tonight.” Or “Thanks for taking care of me while I was sick this week.” And when we finally got off the corporate crap, you droned on and on about other things… You seem to think you’re an expert on almost everything. You seem to think I care. What I hear is what you don’t say – that you are awfully fond of hearing your own damn voice. And I honestly think that it didn’t matter if I was there or not. I could have put a woman who doesn’t speak English in front of you, or even placed a blow-up doll in my seat and you would have still had a good time. Probably because you were talking about your most favorite subject in the whole wide world. YOURSELF.

Oh and another thing? It REALLY pisses me off when I’m sicker than a dog and you tell me “Well, looks like you’re gonna just have to “suck it up”. But at the same time, you take a day and a half off of work, sit on the couch all day watching movies when you get the sniffles. And you can’t seem to be bothered with cleaning up your own tissues, picking up your damn snack wrappers or even helping with our child.

I hope you aren’t expecting sex tonight. The last thing I want to do is have sex with you. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t worry. You’ve got a hand – you can have sex with the one person you care about, think about, and love more than anything in this world – YOURSELF.


Confession #1655

We're going into week two of not talking, not acknowledging one anothers existence. I come home, you go in the bedroom and remain there until you leave for work the next morning. MAN I LOVE IT! It's like I'm free - free from you and your sarcasm, your arrogance and ignorance, I FREAKING LOVE IT. Just me and my kids, which is exactly how I want it to be. Thanks for giving me this little taste of freedom, it only proves (to me) that I want out; I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can. Later asshole!

Confession #1656

You've been moved out again, for the third time in a year, for 2 weeks this time, back at your (married) mistress of 7 years' house.

I'm so sorry I called you this morning. It's obvious (now) that I'm not going to get a kind word from you anymore. I have to say right from the top that your "you drove me away" comment came straight from that whore's mouth. That's what the cheatin' bitch said to me last summer. So, Mack, you can continue to believe that everything is all MY fault. That YOU were a complete innocent and the perfect husband....whatever allows you to look at yourself in the mirror. "Perfect" husbands' wives don't feel rejected and lonely when their husbands are at home....and their bones and their hearts don't break on their own. As far as the financial commitment to the house is concerned, you can simply leave me a message at home, during the day, while I'm at work, so we don't have to "speak" to each other, regarding the amount you deposited. I see no need to talk to each other. If anyone is pushing anyone away, it's you. As much as I THINK miss you, I have to honestly ask myself "what" I miss. Do I miss hearing about how everything I do or say has a surreptitious motive? No (that's your whore over there....just wait, you'll see). Do I miss hearing you berate me and my intentions EVERY TIME I talk to you? No. Do I miss being ignored when you come to bed and having you completely ignore or angrily dismiss me for days at a time? No. Do I miss that whore's smell in my house every day? No. You know, you actually had me believing for years that everything is all my fault. What a number you did on my psyche. The only thing I'm guilty of is loving you more than I loved myself. Therein lies the BIGGEST mistake of all. "They" say you teach people how to treat you and somewhere along the line I taught you that it is ok to ignore me, belittle me, reject me and, in general, make me feel like I wasn't worthy of love. In the end, you'll be the one who's sorry.

Oh yeah....guess what.....
(her phone number)
How stupid do you think I am! Told you YEARS ago....I'm incredibly resourceful.

Confession #1657

I don't think I can hold it all in anymore. You went after my dad and are still trying to ruin my parents marriage. Then you called me a "spoiled little bitch" and I'm still confused as to why. If you think that of me, at least you have one thing right. I am a bitch. I'm proud to be the very strong, independent women I worked very hard to become after my first marriage. He abused me in ways you wouldn't understand. You don't understand anything unless it puts you the center of attention. PLEASE stop asking my mother about my pregnancy. It makes me want to drive the 16 hour trip just to bitch slap you. The only reason you ask is so you look like you care. Please do not send anything for my baby when my family comes to visit. I will mail you the ashes after I burn the stuff. I don't need your bad karma all over my life. You do enough to my mother on a daily basis. DO NOT give me parenting advice. Your 9 year old told you to go f*ck yourself! Your 6 year old is mental and beats his head on the walls until he's black and blue. Yeah, you raised some winners. MOTHER OF THE YEAR RIGHT THERE!!! If my dad is screwing you, it better be a good piece of ass because when my mother takes the house and half his retirement, I'm sure he won't look so great to your slut-bag whore self anymore. Please just stay away from me and don't think about me. I don't wish any evil on you. Seems that karma has a way of knowing who to bless and who to curse.

Confession #1658

You know, when you and I first started going out, I knew you lived with another woman. I didn't care. I didn't care at all. Matter of fact, I hated her even though I didn't know her and relished in the knowledge that when you were with me, she was most likely at home upset because she didn't know where you were or who you were with.

the BEST was when you'd spend the night! I bet she hated that, didn't she?

You and I are finally together- she finally left you alone- and now, I find her shoes.

You leave, I don't know where you are. I go through your phone and find that you still text and call HER.

You tell me that I didn't mind how you were when you were with HER, so how I can I mind now? You are who you are.

Now I'm stuck. I'm in this "relationship" with someone I should have never gotten with in the first place. I can't leave because I can't afford to. I know that you'll never stop what you do. I truly believed that you would for me, but I've found that you won't- for anyone.

I thought I won.

But I don't think I did.

Confession #1659

OUR SEX SUCKS. That felt so good to say. You would die if I said
this to you, but how can you not know? You're there for crying out
loud. You're having the same experience I am, except you actually
get satisfaction after a couple minutes. It's lame. But you go on
about how "that was great" and "wow, I can't move". You're bad at
it, and you always have been. It's just gotten so much worse.
Before you were bad, but if I worked at it, I could get it spiced up-
and you loved it! But with two kids in less than two years, I don't
always have the energy to add all the spice, nor am I motivated to.
You are just bad at it. Is there a book you can read, or maybe I'll
draw you a map, but it's not like you will pay attention to it,
because I have told you several things you do that turn me off and
several things you could do instead and you have yet to follow those
instructions. At this point, I feel like just laying there every
single time until you say something. At least that will make you
notice how utterly unenjoyable it is for me. Our marriage is a happy
one otherwise and I am afraid to cutoff the sex as I have heard that
sex is only 10% of a marriage when you're having it, but if you're
not having it, it's 90% because there are other problems preventing
you (financial, abuse, disconnect, etc, etc) We don't have those -
luckily- but we do have one problem, you're bad at it! But, just so
this is not all negative, I will say you are well endowed and could
recover nicely if I could just get through to you with some damn

Confession #1660

you are a damn near perfect husband except when it comes to dealing with you ex-girlfriend (of whom which you have a beautiful daughter with). i feel like you try to protect her from me, like i am sort of a bully. i am very proud of myself for standing up to her ONE TIME. how did you handle that?????? we got in the biggest fight of our whole marriage.

i could totally forget about her nonsense if you handled things differently. i know this is the part where everyone is going to jump down my throat and tell me he is never going to change. you are right. so just let me bitch.........

she is a victim with out a victimizer. she views being a single mother a hardship (none of my single mom friends do!). she is always dwelling on the negative. her passive-aggressiveness is total bullshit! i love how she says she hates it when people feel sorry for her. well that is the only feelings i have for you. yes i feel sorry for you. if you do not like it get off your pity me trip and do something with your life!!!! and dear hubby, stop feeding in to this nonsense.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

True Wife Confessions 165 moments of silence

Confession #1641

You just don't get it. I don't love you anymore. Your abuse killed all of the love I had to give you. Once again, as always, you cut off your nose to spite your face.

You are a man, who, if someone sent you flowers, would call that person and say, "Hey, I got your flowers. I tipped the guy. You owe me 2 bucks."

You want to destroy me because I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce. Go ahead. Bring it on. Do your worst. In the end, you will only destroy yourself. You are a convicted felon who has consistently violated the terms of your probation. I will not tell the Judge this because I'm out to get you. I will tell him this in self-defense.

My anger, which you could never stand, came from your abuse. You don't get it. You never did. You never will. Not my problem.

Rot in Hell you piece of shit.

Confession #1642

To My ex-husband's ex-girlfriend:

You tried to warn me. You told me about the things he did to you and the ways he tore your self-esteem apart. I didn't believe you. I wouldn't have believed anyone, but I especially didn't believe you. I just gave you a self-satisfied smirk and said "Yeah, okay, whatever." and then I went and told him and anyone who would listen how sad and jealous you were. I am sorry for that. I treated you like a fool, but I was a much bigger fool than you. You gave him 1 year of your life....I gave him 10. I made him the father of my children so I will never truly be rid of him. And now I see him with someone new and I thank God every day that I no longer have to depend on him for love, affection, sex, support, or validation of any kind. He took a beautiful, strong, self confident young woman and reduced me to a self-loathing, pathetic, sad shell of what I had been. It took two years to find myself again after he left me, but I am back. And now I look at the girl who has replaced me. I like her. She is smart, and cute, and she has been kind to my children. She is a little too young for him, but if that is the only thing wrong with her, I can deal with that. I want to warn her, but I can't. I can't upset the delicate balance we have created between me and him and between me and her that is working so well for my children. And, of course, she would never believe me anyway. So when she looks at me with her eyes full of pity because she has him, and I don't I just smile back. I wouldn't be in her shoes for the world. When it all falls apart for her, I will give her a call and I will tell her my story, before she can tell me what he has done to her. Then she will know that it is not her. It is him. My words will be a comfort to her the way the memory of your words comforted me in my darkest hour. Because of the things you told me I knew that it wasn't my fault. It was just his usual pattern playing itself out. I wish I had kept in touch with you so I could say these things to you. Thank you.

Confession #1643

I used to love you, adore you, practically worship you. I don't any longer. You say we have issues, that YOU have issues, but you refuse to tell me what they are, and I am not a fucking mind reader. I am tired of sitting up at night worrying about what you will be like the next day, the next week, month etc... I am tired of walking on eggshells. I refuse to justify my actions or other relationships to you anymore. I need my friends. You believe you can function without a friend, but I don't.

I will tell you one thing though. I'M IN LOVE WITH "HER." She is my best friend and has shown me more love, kindness, and compassion than you ever have. And guess what? She actually thinks I'm pretty and sexy. It doesn't feel like a chore to kiss and cuddle with her, like it does with you. All I want to do is be in her arms and make love to her.

Confession #1644

sometimes i lie to my psychologist
how's that gonna help?

Confession #1645

I love that when you take a day off, you clean the house.

For that alone, I love you more and more every day.

Thank you, hunnybunny.

Confession #1646

To my husband:
Please, please listen to the doctor and start losing weight. I'm seriously getting so frustrated with you and your laziness. Quit making excuses. I've tried everything to get you to exercise and nothing works. Maybe I'm being too subtle.

I'm taking this personally because you weren't always this way. Remember two years ago and your emotional affair?? Funny how during that whole time you were the workout king. You wouldn't miss a workout if your life depended on it. Funny how when that whole thing got exposed the workouts tapered off. It hurts me to the core that there was something about her that made you want to be a better person.

But here we are two years and fifty pounds later. You want to know why I'm not interested in sex anymore? I'm sorry to say, but I'm just not attracted to you like I used to be. And I'm about to tell you that because I'm at my wits end, but I'm afraid even then you wouldn't care enough to do anything about it.

Confession #1647

When I went to the psychic and he told me that you love me, are happy with me and you don't want a divorce- it meant more than you'll ever know. You don't know that I get depressed and that I think about leaving. I've brought up divorce in my head so many times I can't even remember. I know I love you and that we're good together, but I guess I feel like I don't deserve you. God knows we're not perfect and that we annoy the crap out of each other, but him telling me that lifted a tremendous weight off me. Love you Babe...

Confession #1648

Seriously? I don't have a problem doing things for you. In fact, it makes me happy to make your coffee in the morning, fetch the paper off the front walk, run your errands and generally wait on you hand and foot. Honestly, I really LIKE doing nice things for you. Even if it means going out of my way sometimes.

That being said, I DO MIND when you go out of your way to come find me, at the other end of the house, to ask me to drop what I am doing in order to do something for you. Are you completely incapable of doing ANYTHING for yourself? Did you really need me to come make you a sandwich RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND while I was folding laundry last night? Could you not go to the grocery store that is ACROSS THE STREET from your office to buy creamer on your way home, rather than telling me AFTER I am already home that you are out? And do you think that I find it at all amusing that you make it my crisis when you tell me 15 minutes before I am going to walk out the door to work that you "may have written a bad check or two" on the joint account last week and could I "go online and transfer funds to cover it real quick?".

For-christ-sake! SERIOUSLY.

Confession #1649

When you call me from the bedroom to "Look" at whatever is on TV is DRIVES ME CRAZY - the same is true for looking at whatever on the computer, or whatever you are reading in the paper. And what is even more amazing, is how pissed off you get when I don't run in the room fast enough. WHO CARES about the story on CNN? I DON'T!!

Confession #1650

Dear So-Called Best Friend With Benefits,

Refresh me. Why have I put my world at risk to pursue a relationship
with you? It wasn't the money. I have my own, and there's plenty more
where that came from. It wasn't the sex. The one time we ended up with
our pants off, it was only oral and you had a much better time than I
did - in under a minute. Damn I'm good.

I don't think I signed up for the walking on eggshells and tiptoeing
around your neverending parade of "funks" because your life isn't as
you want it due to the choices you have made. I didn't sign up for
having my personal flaws under regular attack while being expected to
blithely accept yours. I don't think I signed up for only being loved
and appreciated when I agree with you or when your ego needs a stroke.
I didn't sign up for never knowing what trivial thing I was going to
say or do that was going to piss you off, leaving you not speaking to
me for days or weeks on end. I also didn't sign up for being punished
by the one thing that you know hurts me most - the silent treatment -
and never knowing what I'm being punished for "this time," because you
are too cowardly to just tell me. I didn't sign up for being reeled in
then pushed away like some kind of bizarre yo-yo either. Oh, I know -
it's because I'm a sucker for emotional abuse - Every. Single.
Fucking. Time.

Not that you've asked, but your life would be a hell of a lot easier
if you didn't walk around actively looking for reasons to be offended.
Yes, you are extremely smart. Yes, you are amazingly talented. Yes,
you are beautiful to look at and delightful to be around when you're
not in one of the black moods that you talk yourself into with such
alarming regularity. Get over yourself. It's not my fault that you are
no longer attracted to your spouse or that you think she's stupid or
that you have made some unwise choices in your life. It's not my fault
that you are unwilling to do anything other than what you're doing to
make your life different, even though what you're doing (namely,
brooding) clearly isn't working. If you keep doing what you're doing,
you're going to keep getting what you're getting. It's that simple.

I am worth so much more than this. My partner may be a lot of things,
but stable is one of them. That alone makes it worthwhile to stay
where I am and purge my life of you and your crazy-making bullshit.
The emotional rollercoaster over at "YourWorld" is making me sick. I'm
getting off and turning in my season's pass. Good luck wallowing in
your self-pity. I'm done.

Quietly returning to my life,

Monday, March 05, 2007

True Wife Confessions 164 ways to run out of ideas

Confession #1631
Dear husband,

Why did you have to mess it up? We agreed New Year’s Eve to be nicer to each other; we made it 50 days…

We were only playing a computer game and I made a mistake and we didn’t complete the objective.. But it’s only a game – it’s supposed to be a challenge and I’m supposed to learn from mistakes. I play so I can do something with you.

I’m not sure why you think its okay to yell at me and talk to me like you would never talk to any other person in the world. Saying “Fuck You” (when I defend myself over your ignorant comments) to me, your wife is the single most horrible thing you could say to me ever, yet you keep saying it knowing how much it hurts me.

I wish you weren’t so verbally abusive because I really do love you but I love me more and I’m not going to continue to stand for this behavior. I stood up to you last night and you tried to blame it all on me, but you are wrong and I told you so. No matter how angry and pissed off you get you will not talk to me like that again.

When I watched you slam your fist down on your desk and I saw the bruising and broken skin around your wrist, all I could think was “serves you right”, yet I immediately had the urge to look at it and get ice – but I refrained.

When I told you last night that I will not be talked to like that, especially by my HUSBAND – I meant it.

Your 3 hour later “I’m sorry if you think I over reacted” comment is a crap apology and you know it.

I’m making the plans I need to in order to get out if you don’t get help.

You have 3 months.

Confession #1632

Baby – I don’t know what I did to deserve such a sweetheart as you – but I do love you. I love the way you kiss me, the way you make love to me, the way you go down on me for hours at a time- the way you get off when I fuck your face b/c you know how much I love your perfect heart shaped lips. I love the way I taught you everything you know sexually and you think I am the best thing for it. You spoil me, with flowers and presents, ecards and compliments. You do whatever I say – whenever I say it. You love my children like they were your own. We are 2 years deep now and I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you when you are gone. I think I really do love you too – like you love me.

But I am married. And you are almost 20 years younger than me. Do you really think it would work?

Confession #1633

This summer when you left me I lost it. Not only did
you leave me but for someone younger like 18 immature
young. We built a family and you strained it. I still
had sex with you the whole time and we conceived a
beautiful baby girl, which dont get me wrong i am
happy about. You see I love you i mean REALLY love you
or i wouldn't have stayed with you even though i knew
you were living with her, and got her pregnant... even
after you lost our rent money gambling. How fucking
selfish you are. But..... ever since i had our new
little girl you have been treating me really well. You
and i can talk things out now not get angry and storm
out. You got a second job so i didn't have to go back
to work. I love you for understanding i love to be
with my daughters. I don't bitch at you anymore i can
just do it myself...... see you taught me that when
you left. Now that were back together and you are the
man i married. The sex is better, we get along, and we
are financially well off. Damn we've come a long way,
but i am happy i stuck by you.

Confession #1634

You wanted my silence
my tacit complicity
You thought you could woo me with presents
and scattered bits of poetry.

You thought I'd forget
You thought I'd forgive
You thought I'd keep on trying,
let you dictate how we'd live.

You were wrong.

You thought I'd tuck
your dirty laundry in a drawer
Your secrets safe to keep
but I won't be silent anymore.

no more inky bruises
from your fingers on my arm
no more self blame
when you do me harm.

no more cowering at your feet
and no, I'm not your whore
no more bloody streaks inside my thighs
no more broken bottles on the floor

no more begging you to stay
no more responsibility for your rage
no more hands around my neck
no more hoping that you'll change

no more silence
no more shame
no more if only i'd
no more blame
no more secrets
no more lies
no more excuses
no more tries.

You were my lover
you aren't my friend
I could have loved you forever
but this is the end.

Confession #1635

Dear Husband,

I never thought infidelity would be an issue in our marriage. I feel so strongly against it (both parents were terrible adulterers) and I really thought you loved me completely. When I found out about the other woman last year, it brought that foundation to just so much rubble. Now that I’ve lost all that weight, and I’m fine as I need to be (people tell me I look just like I did at 16) and work with a bunch of successful, good-looking, financially secure men, I want to exact my revenge on you in the biggest way. But god I’m such a chicken. One of the guys confessed to me the other day that he and his wife are separated. And that he’d like to have lunch with me. Yikes. I REALLY want to take him up on it but I’m scared to death. It would devastate me if you did something like that. When we were making love Friday night I was thinking about my conversations and emails with the soon-to-be-Mr. Ex-, I felt so guilty for even entertaining the conversation. But I got over it and fantasized about him all weekend. I don’t think I’ll ever cheat—I’m just not wired that way---but boy do I think about it. It hasn’t been that long since you broke my heart---OK so you say you didn’t sleep with her, doesn’t matter, you told her you love her, you should have slept with her because it doesn’t make any difference---and I feel like less of a person for not retaliating. You’re so lucky that we have a daughter and an outrageous mortgage. I’d have left you in the dust, even though with the exception of your compulsive lying, you are a fantastic husband. You’re THE greatest father I ever could have wished for our daughter. You work so much, and always give me every penny you make. Ugh, why did you have to bring this into our marriage? I think that is the part I can’t forgive. Bringing that woman into our marriage and destroying the trust I had worked so hard to have in you.


Still your wife

Confession #1636

I miss you. I hate being home alone all night. I want you to go back to
first shift at the plant. And I feel selfish for that because I know you
prefer your 2nd shift job to what you were doing on 1st shift. But I'm tired
of being a single parent every night and only seeing you on Saturdays and
Sundays. It makes me sad and bitter and angry but whenever I try to tell you
that you shrug me off which hurts so much. I don't know how much longer I
can do this. For us, please consider taking a 1st shift job...and come back
to me.

Confession #1637

I will never tell you any of this, because you are not worth me wasting my breath. I let you come out here to visit the kids & I because I thought it would give you some sense of responsibility. Maybe after you visited you would start paying your child support. The first visit was great, kids loved it, I loved the great sex-with-my-ex. The second visit was just so I could snoop through your wallet & phone to find out who your employer, girlfriend, and other "buddies" are. I got everything I needed from you on this trip, so when you started verbally abusing me in front of the children, I'm glad you left when you did. I had my finger on the "send" button after dialing 9-1-1.

I am free of you.

You have no rights to MY children, legally or otherwise. They are young enough to forget you once I find an honest, caring, and loving man to be their father.

Only great things are in store for me & MY children from this point on. You will always be the sorry-loser-sperm donor. I hope the next girl you con into buying you things & ruining her credit sees you for what you really are sooner than I did. I hope you rot in jail for failing to pay child support. I made a mistake thinking you could change, but now I know you will never amount to anything. I do learn from my mistakes.

Confession #1638

Guess what, asshole? My counselor says you sound like a real jerk.
How do you like them apples?

Confession #1639

I've been reading this for awhile now, and I can relate so well to what all of you say. I've been there… with the alcoholic who wouldn't get help, wouldn't change, swore he didn't have a problem. I almost married him, so glad now that I didn't… because nothing would've changed that. I was also with the man who wanted a Barbie, wanted the girl who he had when it was convenient to him and didn't care enough to be there when I needed him. But let me tell all of you something, true love does exist… you just have to be patient. I read these confessions of women saying love is all lies, and a joke and I feel sad for you, I really do. Love is amazing and perfect, it's who you give your love to. Let me tell you that you will meet that person who is perfect for you, and while you'll have your problems like any relationship they will love you for all of you… you just have to wait for it.

Confession #1640

My original confession is #1600. Here is the latest on my situation. I'm afraid it has become much more complicated since my first post. I found out that I am pregnant, yes pregnant. Not with the man I've been with for 9 years of my life, but with the guy he wanted me to meet for sexual pleasure only. Three months of seeing the 'other' man and I'm knocked up. What the hell am I going to do?

You know dear husband (common law), and you are willing to accept this pregnancy and baby as our very own. You are willing to move forward and continue on with our life together. The 'other' man ofcourse wants me to abort...and truth be told I'm actually considering it. I don't exactly believe in abortion, but I am pro-choice and right now I'm feeling like it may be my only option.

I wish I could forget about the other guy, I wish I didn't feel as though he has a spell put on me, like I'm constantly drawn to him, like he's a drug I need to get my fix of. I just want things to be like they used to be with my husband. I want to miss him when he's away at work for two weeks, I want to be excited when he comes home, I want to want him the way he wants me.

I told you the other night in a text message when I was going through rough times telling the 'other' guy I was pregnant...and you were nothing but sweet and supportive...I told you that I do not deserve someone who cares so much about me in my life...and maybe thats true. For all I've done to you, you still want nothing but for me to be happy. I wish I had a "How to live life" For Dummies book.

I'm lost, I'm scared, I'm pregnant and I feel all alone. I wish I could close my eyes, fall asleep and wake up and realize this was nothing but a dream.

Hmm...still awake and reality is still slapping me in the face.