Saturday, September 30, 2006

True Wife Confessions 84 -International direct dial to Vietnam

Confession #831

I know neither of us want to have kids. I don't like
the thought of being pregnant or giving birth, and I
don't know how I would do with the daily grind of
raising children. But sometimes when I think of the
possibility that you might die before me, I want to
change my mind because then at least I would still
have part of you with me in the form of a child.

I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to
love someone. I know we occasionally irritate each
other, and I know you sometimes get annoyed when I
want to hang out with you all the time and you just
want to watch sports with your friends. I don't want
to be morbid, but I know that if you were to die I
would give absolutely anything just to spend one more
hour with you and I want to take full advantage of all
the time we've got. I might regret wasting time doing
other stuff but I would never regret spending more time
with you. You are my best friend and my other half
and I hope we have 80 more years together.

Confession #832

I need you to know that I love you with all me heart. I am so afraid that I
will wake up some morning and you will be gone. No not to another woman, but
gone from this earth.
You know what kind of basket case I was after my mom passed away. Her
leaving so suddenly just ripped me open.
Thinking of facing each day without by my side terrifies me.
For the past 24 years you have been my strength. You have been the best
father, step-father and now grandfather.
You have ridden this roller coaster with me and it hasn't be such a bad
ride. But now that we are getting older and talk so much about retiring I
fear that before that day comes something will happen to shatter our plans.
Forgive me for being a worry wart. But you see without that shinning face
of yours, and the gentle touch that you have and the way that you know that
my day just hasn't been quite right I would be a mess.
And what about all of these children?? I know all but 3 are grown and some
are parents now too, but what would they do without you to lean on, to share
with? You the only Mets fan in the bunch. Who would they have to tease about
Please know in my heart you always will be. Jesus brought us together for a
reason and I will never question Him, I will only praise Him and thank Him
for He knew what I needed before I did.
I thank you for everything. No matter how tight money is you always make
sure the kids have what they need. Thank you for keeping me centered and
helping me to put the past behind me and reminding me that not any of it was
my fault.
I send you tender kisses and gentle hugs everyday until you go home to be
with our Lord.

Confession #833

4 and a half years ago, after failing miserably to flirt with you, and then having to almost beg you for sex; you said you'd come through to the bedroom in a minute, and proceeded to keep me waiting 15 minutes.
Then you switched on the bedroom TV and watched football as you undressed. You never looked at me once. Your eyes were glued to the screen. It took you at least 5 minutes to undress, because you were so riveted to the TV. It wasn't even 'your team'. If it had been 'your team' , I would have known not to even bother trying. It was just 'some team from another league'.. not an important game, just a game. I was really annoyed that you were so glued to it when it meant nothing to you. It must have meant that making love with your wife meant even less than nothing.

The sex was average. Bog-standard. Quick and painless. Mechanical. I cant even remember now whether or not i had an orgasm, but i probably didn't.

As we lay there afterward, you watching the football ( you at least had the decency to switch it over to music videos while we were doing it, but then switched it back to the football once we'd finished), I calmly and quietly and with no trace of anger in my voice, said to you, 'Next time, it's your turn to initiate sex. I'm tired of being the one who always initiates it.' I think you said 'ok', but i cant really remember now.

But that time, 4 and a half years ago, was the last time we had sex. Because if i don't initiate it, it apparently doesn't happen.

The first 2 years, after that last time, were tough. I was gagging for it... I'd have jumped on you in a heartbeat if you'd asked me. But i was sticking to my guns. I wanted to see how long it would take you to turn things around... to be a man. And it didn't happen. Gradually, i started getting used to not having sex, and now i don't miss it at all. Now i live in fear that one day you are going to want it. And I don't want it ... not at all.

Confession #834

I like pretending that our big, underlying problems will go away: your anxiety, my attempting eating disorder recovery with you around, the drinking that assuages your anxiety, the anger that's sparked by your drinking, the eating disorder relapses that are sparked by your drinking. I keep telling myself, "We're young. I'll get over being so sensitive when he's anxious about 'bad' food or some big deal at work. He'll get over when other guys talk to me and how he drinks a bottle of wine a night, and slurs his words, and falls asleep before 8:30."

I know I'm a dirty liar. I know I've either got to get you to deal with all this stuff WITH me, or that we're headed for that 50/50 path to divorce.

We're not even going to be married for eleven months yet.

Confession #835

I'm actually glad I found your profile on that nasty website. Now I have a good, concrete reason to leave your sorry ass and never look back. And you're right, I'm not in love with you anymore. You have managed to kill any good feelings I had for you, and instead of being a man and telling me you wanted "passion" and to have those "feelings" (for somebody else) you had to take the cowardly way out. Again. So I'm going to have the balls that you never did, and end this nightmare once and for all.

Confession #836

I love you more than life itself BUT please don't talk to me while I'm sitting on the toilet. We've been married for more than a decade and we've always had a closed door policy. It's bad enough that the kids walk in on me with wild abandon. Don't you start doing it too. It's nice that you want to talk to me and all but please, just give me a minute. Or 5.

Confession #837

Yes, we're anonymous. And we only write because we're sure we'll stay that way.

Were it not so, would I say how much I've come to dread sex with my husband, whom I love but who makes me feel like nothing more than a hole in the mattress?

Confession #838

I need to say this.....when I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares about my childhood, about how I was molested, and I just needed to talk about it, I felt so messed up inside, so hurt and wouldn't take no for an answer. You took off my clothes while I struggled, you did your thing while i lay sobbing, saying no, you got off and said I'm raped me. At one of my lowest possible moments you did that to me. You shattered all the sense of safety and security I had left, the safety I thought I had now in my adult life, now that the rest was the past. You made me empty inside. And I stayed for 3 more years and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not being able to protect myself as an adult, I hate myself for thinking so little of myself that I would accept that. I hate you for the hell you put me through in those last 3 years, when I would freeze up during sex, and never want to be with you like that. I used to have panic attacks just praying you would hurry up. And all you could think about was yourself and you treated me like nothing, like i was worthless for not being able to satisfy you. I feel ruined and I hate you. I just needed you to love and support me thru a terrible time, and thats what you did to me. I thank God you will never have the opportunity to touch me again.

Confession #839

to my dearly beloved:

i suppose it would bother you to call me once in a while. (me talkin' selfish)

i stayed home sick from work today. im not feeling well. (and that's true)

i miss my husband and im FUCKING sick of it. (that doesn't even do it justice)

i love you and i cant even tell you. (i want to tell you)

why did it come to this anyway? (the age-old question)

lets examine the situation (hmmmmmmmm....)

i fell in love with you; and you with me (6 years ago)

we got married and had a wonderful --though challenging--time (but worth it)

but marriage was and is the best thing weve ever experienced (seriously)

and yet we decided to put it on the line (why? why? why?)

and test it one more time ( 1 )

the hardest time of all (hard)

and were hanging in there and being strong (we are, i am, are you?)

but were learning a lesson weve already learned (3 times over)

we already knew we love eachother (i always knew)

we already knew we are faithful (i swear i am)

we definitely already knew nothing can break us apart (nothing ever has)

so why are we going through this again? (?)

well i hate it because being away from you is like a prison sentence

not even lethal injection would be worse

when you get home my life will resume from being on pause

and if you still love me ill be the most blessed person on earth

(and quite possibly mars)

(oh, did you hear that Pluto is no longer considered a planet? i swear on us that's true. they demoted it recently and now there are only 8 planets i swear on us)

ok i love you

Stay safe out there and come home soon. Only 8 more months Sergeant!

Confession #840

If you could just PRETEND to take an interest in the wedding planning, it would make me feel so special. I have given up so much for you: My acting, my writing, my independent career. I went to work with you because I'm too spineless to stand up to you and admit that we may have different lifestyle ideals (even though I'm not really sure what mine are at all, or if they're different from yours). Can you please see that I like organizing and planning things, and that our wedding is a hugely important thing to me, and that I need you to act like you think it's important too? Please, please see that. Please see that our wedding planning is more important than one of your problems at work. Please see that our wedding is more important than your fucking fantasy football league.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

True Wife Confessions 83, a song by John Mayer...sigh.

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

True Wife Confessions 82 - The # of games in a regular NHL season (for you, Nancy!)

Confession #811

I'm not positive that I want you for anything more than sex. I have pondered it, and even with our past as a teacher I think there's a good chance we could work as a pair. I'm not obsessing about it this time. If we try to force it, it won't happen. Neither of us can be forced. I can be patient and I know you can too. I admire you, respect you, and even find your "bad" traits endearing. I've never said it out loud, because there's so much bullshit surrounding this stupid word, but I fucking love you (too.) Just for being you. It's never been extremely passionate, but you've always remained on my brain. I just didn't think we'd get this chance again so I moved on. Maybe we won't actually get the chance, and that's fine, but I'm glad we're at least talking. I've never enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoy talking to you. We really get each other and I think we compliment each other in all the right ways. If we end up doing it, we have to do it right this time. I don't want to wonder what could've been anymore. Lets not fuck it up again.

Confession #812

I honestly feel like you have ruined my life. I refer to "my old life" before you, when I actually felt alive and successful. You have made me a worthless failure. I know that I will be a nobody as long as I stay with you. I knew that when I married you. I keep hoping you will change and thank my some day.

Confession #813

You are 9 days away from losing me. I'm not kidding. If you haven't called in 9 more days, you can go find yourself a new best friend. I understand that you are busy and I understand that you work weird hours. But it's been 8 days since I saw you and 6 days since you ended a 5 minute conversation with "I'll call you back." I'm tired of being the one who makes the effort and I'm tired of being taken for granted. We've had this fight before and I've looked past it. But no more. It's going to take way more than a funny comment or a great day spent together to get me back in your life if you screw this up. In 9 days I will begin the progress of getting over the last three years. It'll be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I will do it. It's your call.

Confession #814

Today you brought up your idea of us going away for an extended weekend. At first I thought that maybe you wanted to do this so we can reconnect, knowing how troubled our marriage has become lately. However, the fact that you started to bitch and complain as soon as I oh-so-gently brought up that a seven hour drive to go somewhere for a short weekend (while leaving our toddler for the first time in a very long time), may not be such a great idea for such a short stay, made me not even want to do this. The fact that you sound and act like a child whenever you don't get your way, while lacking all sense of logic, makes me resent and loathe you even more. The truth is, I don't think going anywhere with you is gonna help this shitty relationship. We could go to Mars and you'd still be a dick.

Confession #815

The umpteenth night you wet the bed, I told you: if you didn't at least step to with at least 30 minutes of physical contact a night to compensate for your general alcoholic neglect of my feelings, I was going to have an affair. You vowed to change, but then you had a stressful evening and I was sure your efforts were doomed. I prayed to God that you would at least not be hateful to me, even if you were going to drink yourself into oblivion. You surprised me by mastering your frustrations without drinking that night, and now you've been relatively sober and way more considerate than usual for a whole week. It is so, so pleasant not to be pissed off at you and to think we might get through the rest of our married life without hating each other after all ... please, please keep with it.

But I am kind of sorry I don't have an excuse now for the affair. Oh well. It would have been hot, too.

Confession #816

You are a perfectly nice person, but I do not love you. I want to leave but you are making this very hard for me. We do nothing but fight because we are completely different people with different goals in life. Please stop trying to fix this relationship and let me go. It is the best thing for us and we both know it. I feel so guilty about leaving when you are trying so hard to fix things that can never be fixed. I am tired of sacrificing everything that I want and hold dear for you and not getting much in return. It is just part of your nature and I accept it. But I can't live with it anymore. And I am not going to try to change you because the effort is futile. And you should realize that applies to me too. We are both simply too set in our ways. For once in your life please concede the battle and let it go. Acknowledge that we made a mistake and move on.

Confession #817

I am jealous of you. It makes me sick that you only have a high school
diploma and make more money than me while I worked my butt off for 4 years
in college and can't find a decent paying job. I love that you are able to
support us and our son, but inside it makes me cry that my degree might as
well be a GED because the job market in our town sucks. And I know you are
as dissapointed in me as I am even though you have never said it directly.
I'm sorry I lash out at you, it is my self defense for my very low self
esteem. I have gained 100 lbs since we got married and you deserve better
than a fat wife who can't even get a job to pay off her own student loans.
I love you so much and pray that you will never get tired of putting up with

Confession #818

We've been married for 18 years, that have mostly been great. You are the only man I've ever been with, and I felt like we would always be together.

But guess what I just found out? My last pap smear revealed that I have HPV. How on earth does a woman with one sexual partner for 18 years suddenly get HPV? I can only think of one way, you fucking cheater.

Confession #819

To my ex-husband,
I promised you that if I was ever ready to introduce another man into our children's lives I would inform you. Well consider your self informed. While I am at it let me inform you about a few other things. I have been dating him for three months and sleeping with him for two months. In that time he has given me more orgasms than you did in the entire 10 years we were together. He loves to have sex with me and can't keep his hands off me. Remember how you only wanted sex once every two weeks and then it only lasted like 5 minutes? He wants me all the time. I have finally met my match! He can't believe how Say I am to please. Let's face it. You are not a very tough act to follow. He's tall. Very tall. I can wear my highest heels and he still has to bend over to kiss me. I love that. Remember how I had to wear flat slippers and make sure my veil did not pouf up over my head at our wedding so I wouldn't tower over you. I never minded your height, or lack thereof. I minded that I was made to feel like "Lurch" as you kindly put it. 5'10" is not "freakishly tall" for a woman.

I wanted to laugh in your face last month when you accused me of being jealous of your girlfriend. I actually don't have a problem with her. I am, of course, concerned about anyone who is spending time with my children and I did not think it was appropriate for you to bring her to Parents' Night at our daughter's school but I am not jealous. Why would I be? That poor girl has a lot of disappointment coming her way. I know why she is so crazy about you. I felt that way myself once. You put on a really good show in the beginning. But one of these days she is going to reach for you in the night and you will push her away and say "get off me. I don't want that right now." And then you will do it again and again and again until next thing she knows she will be grateful for any kind of affection you are willing to throw her way. One of these days she will not be feeling well and she will leave some dishes in the sink or will forget and use the wrong kind of rice and you will flip out and tell her she is a lousy girlfriend or wife or whatever. I hope for her sake she is smarter than I was.

You will meet my new man soon enough. You are going to hate him. You always hate people who make you look bad by being better at things than you are. I don't have words for how much better he is at making me happy.

Confession #820

Don't lie to me. Don't offer to get the kids up and take them to
school at some nebulous time in the future and then tell me no when I
ask you to do it. You wonder why I never think to ask for your help?
Because when I do, you either have something else planned or you're too
Hello? I have twice as many credit hours this semester as you do. Not
only that, but I work. You don't. I know, it was my idea for you to
take your first semester off work so you could concentrate on school,
but I really thought you would help out a little more around the house.
(Shows what I get for thinking, huh?)
If I say I'm depressed, don't act like its all in my head. Don't tell
me 'well, don't'. If it gets bad enough that I'm telling you, I'm not
looking for sympathy- I'm warning you to watch it, because every time I
get this way, I get one step closer to kicking you out. I could do it
on my own. You and I both know I could. You need me. I don't need
you. You're only still here because I choose to keep you around.
Today, I'm wondering why.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

True Wife Confessions 81 Don't piss off Lizzie Borden

Confession #801

When I came back from my last trip, I looked you in the eye and realized I wasn't happy to see you. I had been gone for a month and that whole time I wasn't sure what my reaction would be when I saw you again. Maybe it is because a distance has grown between us that is greater than the distance between Canada and Egypt. Maybe it is because when I called you from Cairo you got off the phone quickly to spend more time with the boys, drinking. Whatever the reason I just need to find a way to say Good-bye.

Confession #802

I love you. You are a good man, and a good husband. I kissed someone else recently, and although we'd all been drinking, I made the decision, I took the action, and the only part I regret is that the memory of it is fading. I don't understand why I want to run wild with all sorts of other men. I don't understand why my sex drive for you has dissapeared. I don't think that I deserve to stay married to you - your trust and your patience are infinite, and I don't deserve either of those things. The other man isn't anybody to me, but the kiss was something I will always remember and I will never tell you about. I miss the heart-pounding excitment of someone new. I wonder if I will be able to pull my head out of my ass and save our marriage. I don't know.

Confession #803

You are a punk-ass dick. Your laziness and narcissism know no bounds.

For example: tonight, when "we" made dinner for our friends? I looked up recipes, visited three different grocery stores, spent $50 on groceries, made 2 appetizers, a main dish, two sides and bread. About 3 hours of my time. I was glad to do it, though, to make everything good and nice.

And you? You threw a hissy fit because I asked YOU to cook the rice. Poor baby had to get off his ass for 5 minutes.

You suck.

Confession #804

From one wife to another...

I'm sorry for sleeping with your husband for 18 months. But your the dumb ass, who decided to stay with him after receiving a copy of my blog and finding out that not only had we been seeing each other several times a week for 18 months, but that we spent a weekend together in your house 10 years ago.
He was engaged to me 24 years ago, it should be apparent to you by now, that he will never get over me. So don't see back and act as though your the victim in all of this. Your no victim, we did this right under your nose. I showed up at your family outings and I was on the beach with you on your family vacation. He was inviting me to all of these places, because he enjoyed seeing me while you were sitting right there.
He gave me the key, the garage door opener, and the security to your house, so that I retrieve the condom wrapper that we left on your dresser. So no one, broke into your house to find that you cut the sizes out of all of your clothes. Honey, if your embarrassed about your fat ass.....lose weight.
I don't know how you can stay with a man that you will always be suspicious of. You have to go to all the sports event that he used to share with his son, just so that he won't meet up with me for a kiss. When you found out, he told me to just give you some time to get over it, and then we'd be back on. From this point forward, it will always be in the back for your mind, is he thinking of her, is he loving her in his mind? I can assure you, that he is. Enjoy your life with your wimpy ass husband who loves another woman and always will.
But please stop whining about it, it was your choice to stay with him.

Confession #805

I hate what a liar you are. I can never believe a thing you say. I don't have the energy - or money - to go to counseling any more. Liars are my biggest pet peeve. The irony is not lost on me that that's what I ended up married to. You think it's funny to lie to me as a joke, and it's not. I can't even count the times I've told you that IT'S NOT FUNNY. And lying about doing chores around the house... you can't even get off your ass to help me out? I'm 6 weeks pregnant with a child we've tried for for nearly two years, and after already having one miscarraige I'm trying to take it easy. And yet you have to yell at me when I ask you to pick up around the house.

I know you work and I don't, but I'm busting my ass at school and trying to take care of myself for the sake of our unborn child. This doesn't mean it's okay for you to hide in the basement and play xbox when I've asked you a million times to pick up after yourself. You are a slob. I know I'm not the neatest person ever but I cleaned this house top to bottom a couple weeks ago, right before I found out I was pregnant. Ever since then you've barely lifted a finger and this place is a shithole. You want to bring our baby into this? Why don't you just clean up after yourself instead of lying to me about it?

I love you and I really don't think I'll ever leave you but you wear me so thin sometimes. I wish you would grow the fuck up, quit lying, be a man and take care of your house and family. AND QUIT LYING. AND PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF. I'm not your fucking maid, and you know that when I try to do too much, I get cramps. That can't be good for the baby. Why can't you just help me out? Why can't you be nice to me other than the times when I break down and cry?

Confession #806

At first I lied because I was embarrassed and it just went too far.
I lost my virginity to you- not him.
I'm terrified that you'll find out my secret and that you'll think our
marriage is based on lies.
I love you and would never lie to you- I've been completely honest with you
about everything else.
A part of me hopes you read this and knows, somehow, that it's me saying it.
Don't leave me

Confession #807

When you asked me if I liked him for more than a friend, I lied. I did have romantic feelings for him, but they are gone now. I never acted on them physically, although they did confuse me. I am worried that emotional cheating might be worse than physical cheating.

Marriage is so much harder than I ever expected that it would be. I know that we are going to counseling and working on things, but I don't know how much more I can take. I am thankful that you are willing to go to counseling, because many men wouldn't even dream of it, but everything you do annoys me.

The reason that I did like him for more than a friend was because he made me feel special. He said nice things to me everyday and he made me feel smart, funny, and sexy. He listened to me and cared what I had to say. Also, after not having an orgasm for soooo very long, his words helped me to feel good again.

I don't know why you don't understand how your drinking and smoking might repulse me when you want to get close. I don't know why you don't understand that chosing television or alcohol over me hurts me a lot. Things need to change, babe. No matter how much you love me or I love you, I can't keep living this way. I'm sorry for what I did, but I needed to feel loved and important. I will never tell you because I don't want to hurt you. I really just wish that you could give me what I need.

Confession #808

Dear Husband,

I am madly in love with the guy I work with. You know him. The one I brought home to meet you and then he practically moved in with us? The one that went on vacation with us? The one you consider such a 'good guy'? Yeah him. I am in love with him. Head over heels. If I could get him to lower his morals long enough for me to get him in bed It would be magical. Go ahead and tell him it is OK to fuck me because you sure aren't interested any more. Oh yeah, he also tells me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He has told me he loved me on way more than one occasion. That is more that you have said EVER. He won't consider making a move because of you and his high morals. So, do something for ME for a change. Give him your approval. I need it and so does he. Sex that is.

Your wife.

Confession #809

I cannot wait for the day that your divorce is final; we were meant to be together. I love spending time with you and it doesn't matter what we do as long as I am by your side. Because of your patience with me, I have grown to respect and love you more than I thought was possible. You are my friend and my lover and hopefully one day you will be my husband.

I can say "I love you" even in the midst of an argument because you are so understanding and forgiving. I even love arguing with you because I know that it will not be counterproductive. I love you so much and I have not told you any of this because I am waiting for the day that you are legally free from the bondage that wrongfully represented your marriage.

I dream of the family that we will have together. I am missing you so much as I write this confession. We will be together soon, but not soon enough. I am patiently waiting for you, my love.

Confession #810

I am trying desperately to figure out a way to love you again. The truth is, although I used to love you, and was somewhat "in" love with you, I was never wildly in love with you, even when we first got together.

That's ok, though, as I was aware of the lack of passion, drama and intrigue between us when we began dating - and I was actually more than ok with that. I was consciously deciding to forego the "high highs" in order to avoid the "low lows".

While dating for an year and a half and in the first two years of our marriage, we had a good time. We were compatible. We loved each other and also let each other be. We respected each other. We traveled and had lots of fun, partying and whatnot.

Right on schedule, we got pregnant when I'd wanted to. Around that time, I changed. Grew up - got "boring". some would say. You never complained, and even made some changes of your own - I have to give you that.

But then you got laid off and did not work for a YEAR. A full year, at the time that we had a newborn baby, and I worked every day and we DROPPED OUR BABY OFF AT DAYCARE - you stayed home, playing video games and practicing poor hygiene.

I tried to cut you some slack because you had lost your dad a few months before. I do think you went through a depression. But the bottom line is, though I tried to fight it, I lost all respect for you. And I cannot just get it back.

Truth is, your flaws just started rising to the surface as more time went by. You lack ambition, you can be LAZY, you don't mind sitting back and letting me do everything, you are immature, you can be selfish. You always seem to make the wrong choice, in my mind.

As my respect for you disintegrated, everything else started to go, too. Our sex life went completely away. First, it was all from my end - but now I feel it from your end, too. All of the ED and Viagra and Cialis, etc. - what gives? I think your weak sex drive cannot stand up to the fact that my body has changed after 2 kids (although I am 120 lbs. and work out 4-5 days per week). So now, we have NO sex life.

Unfortunately, we do not have a friendship to fall back on. You golf/smokecigars/play online poker ad nausem, I run in 5Ks. We spend all of our time apart, except when watching TiVo. We are not friends, we are not even good roommates - more like partners in the raising of our children.

Is this it? I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. I am so schizophrenic when it comes to this relationship - I try to get my mind "right" - but each time, you do something that pisses me off / repulses me / disappoints me.

I feel for our children.

Monday, September 25, 2006

True Wife Confessions 80 Around the world in Days

Confession #791

When we got married 11 years ago I truly believed that I could love you forever. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm angry with myself for believing in you in the first place.

You're a great guy and probably the smartest person I know. But, why are we living in near poverty right now?

Oh! I know! I know! Because you can't (or won't) get your shit together. For a guy with a 4.0+ GPA and a computer science degree (6 years post graduation!!), you sure are stoopid!

I'm so angry right now that you've taken a perfectly great career path and done nothing with it. Not even 5 years ago you were making excellent money and now you're making $15/hr and we're living in near poverty.

I told you when you first decided you wanted to go into business with Moe, Larry and Curly that it WAS NOT GOING TO WORK. Why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you take my advice and move on and work towards getting your career back on track?

Now, here we are with 2 children with not a damn thing to show for it. You're making $15/hr and can't seem to find the motivation to get us out of this mess. You say that you're working towards getting us out of this hole and you feel badly that you didn't make better career choices. Ok. Fine. Then why are you napping in the middle of the day instead of looking for a fucking job?!


Confession #792

I am in shock. We have gone to marriage counseling. We've both heard how when we're angry we're supposed to use "I feel" statements. We are not supposed to use "loaded words". For 10 years now I've never felt like I've ever gotten through to you when we have an arguement. You say my feelings are unreasonable. You tell me I need to step in with a solution. When I do so, you tell me its not reasonable. You've just told me (in front of our child) that you "don't give a flying fuck about (my) feelings". You left the house angry. I suspect that when you do come home you will feel pefectly justified in what you said to me. And you will not apologize. Because this is what you do if the fight gets bad enough. Usually, I don't let that happen. I usually just give up. When I give up, I start to hate myself. And I start to hate you. And I hate that even when I give up and tell you that you have a point, to try to calm you down, that you still find ways to punish me afterwards. I guess we won't be having sex for at least a week because of this. Odds are you will probably not come home tonight either. I have told you in the past that if you stay out all night one more time, that's it. I'm gone.

Confession #793

I hope the man I slept with (with your permission) is at the party tonight. I still think about him but I'm still madly in love with you.

Confession #794

You have been reading Playboy and watching porn for thirty years. You've had girlfriends before me. Why is it that your enitre repertoire consists of "tweak tweak thrust thrust" in the missionary position?

Confession #795

When I catch you in a lie and you give me that hurt puppy dog look I want to slap you. Grow up and act like a man. If you think I'm being unreasonable, tell me instead of sneaking around my back.

Confession #796

We had three fights this week about the same thing. Its about our neighbors and how you let them freeload off of us. How they now EXPECT us to take care of their child. And how you often invite their child in and then expect me to babysit/feed her. The fight is also about how their special needs child has walked into our home without us knowing it. About how that child has had temper tantrums in our house (when he walked in uninvited) and had our son backed against a wall, cringing. I take that seriously. You say I have a chip on my shoulder regarding that family. The fight was also about how this special needs child will hit puberty soon and he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand what his surging hormones drive him to do. Its about how I've done research on this and how you haven't. You keep telling me there won't be any problems, I'm being a horrible, prejudiced person. You can call me that all you want. But I'm worried about my son. I'm worried that this oversized 10-year-old (who weighs about what I do) could over take our 35-pound son. I worry because we KNOW these people don't watch their children.

I don't know what to do. Yes, I don't like these people. But I feel it in my gut that something's bound to go wrong unless we take steps... And these people are sue-happy. And I worry that if their child were to hurt herself at our house, they'd sue us. Your retort to this was that I shouldn't worry. Since I stay home, you make all of the money and the house is yours. So they'd be suing you and not me. You tell me I'm being petty, mean and selfish. But you CLEARLY do not see this in yourself.

Confession #797

I'm not sure if it is your personal body chemistry or the medication you take, but your spunk STINKS. I'd like to stay and cuddle after we have sex, but as soon as you come I want to get that funk out of me. Even douching I smell it for 2-3 days afterwards, a blend of rotten dog hair and BO. I'm afraid other people will think it is me making that weird aroma. I used to love oral sex, but I can't take that weird medicinal taste, either. Sex used to be so fun and spontaneous. Now I feel like I need a haz-mat suit and a clean room before you get in my underwear.

Confession #798

I'm sorry but I'm done.

You are a great father and the kids love you, you are thoughtful are caring and responsible and probably would have made a perfect stay at home dad.
But your drinking and inability to trust me have worn me down, even though you are not as much of an assohole as you used to be. The years of drunken verbal abuse, completely ridiculous and unfounded accusations, and your insistance that I worry about what you might possibly think I'm up to if I say a certain thing that is out of the norm, or go visit my best friend. I don't give a fuck what you THINK I'm doing. I'm not doing anything, you asshole. Just because the sleezy ho's you hung out with when you were in a band used to fuck eachother's boyfriends, that is not a cross section of the general population. Your ideas about women are really fucked up and you need to get the fuck over it now. I am not FUCKING ANYONE, asshole. I never even thought about until you pounded it into my head, and now I want to.

When we are getting along I sometimes remember why I love you. I do still love you but I'm not in love with you anymore, you killed it a few weeks ago when you came home drunk, not even wasted, and started being an obnoxious argumentive dick. I withdrew from you like always and then I never came back, it just didn't happen this time.

When you are sober and not hung over I think you are a wonderful person, and I still really like you. We have fun together and I hope we can always be friends.

I told you the other night that I might consider staying with you if stopped drinking and trusted me completely. But I don't want to stay with you, I want to get on with my life without you holding me back because you are terrified I will leave you. Well I am leaving, I'd be gone already if you had any money to pay the mortgage. I can't wait unitl you can afford to move out. Everything is too hard, and I'm exhausted from arguing with you for 12 years. Even though you don't do that fucking silent treatment thing anymore I still remember the 6000 times you did it, sometimes for 4 or 5 days. I think you finally stopped doing it when you figured out that I didn't give shit anymore and I was happy you were leaving me the fuck alone so we didn't have to have another completely useless argument where you invariably told me I was selfish and there was no point in talking me.

So I'm done, and I'm sorry that you I am going to hurt you.

Confession #799

I didn't mind that you watch porn. I just wish that we could watch it together, as an adult couple in a committed relationship. Instead you watch it alone, while I'm at work or late at night after I've gone to bed. It hurts me that you're still so shy about your sexuality after all of these years, and nervous that you have something to hide. It makes me feel like there is something you need that I can't give you. You tell me that you'll never cheat on me, but you're giving the best of yourself to these "ideal" girls in their early twenties who are always "ready", never suffer PMS or a bad day at work, and are thin and beautiful. How could I compete? Why would I want to?

Confession #800

Its to the point where I think its just a lost cause. I think this is where I start to look for a job and a new place to live. You aren't interested in going to the marriage therapist anymore. You think its all my problem. I don't want to be divorced. But in all honestly, I've lost alot of respect for you. And you've really hurt me. To my very core

If I tell you that, I'm pretty sure of the reaction I will get. You will say, "You need to get over this. You need to move on. You just LOVE to hang on to that sort of thing." There won't be an apology. There rarely is.

Friday, September 22, 2006

True Wife Confession 79 - End of my first decade

Confession #781

You are the best husband that I could ever wish for. I know that you
know that I betrayed you but both of us are pretending it never

I wonder if it's better to just move on like this and I'm glad that
there was no confrontation about what i had done. It's just that I
don't know if it affected you, if you ever think about it, how it
affects you still, because you seem to be able to brush everything off
and nothing really bothers you and I just hope that you are ok.

I don't know how I got into that situation. I wasn't intending to do
that. At first I didn't accept the blame in my heart. I blamed him for
making me do it and coercing me into that situation, knowing how badly
I needed to feel a certain way. Now I take full responsibility for
what I did. Now I'm paying the price because i should never have
trusted another person and I got betrayed right back.

I love you with all my heart. You are the kindest, sweetest man in the world.
I don't deserve you and I think everyone knows that.

Confession #782

How can you be so awful to me? So cold, so mean, so utterly without feeling? You once loved me enough to marry me. I gave you your son, whom you love so much.
We've been apart for two years, and they've been the happiest two years of my adulthood, but when you do these awful things, it still hurts. I just don't understand how you can love someone, and then hate them. How can you treat me this way, after everything I did for you?

Confession #783

I can appreciate that you're a sensitive egg and love your family and want to spend time with them. However, being so fragile that you felt the need to leave your stressful job (working 45 hours a week) for one that might have been less time consuming but end up having crappier pay is not acceptable.

Since then in pursuit of another good paying job you have now been home with our daughter for 7 weeks (and will probably be close to 8 1/2 by the time you go back to work) while I work and carry the health insurance for the family for mediocre pay. 7 weeks already, is 2 more than I got to spend with her when she came home from the hospital a sick preemie. Sometimes I wish I had the luxuries you allow yourself and force on our family.

Confession #784

I said in August I was going to leave. I did. You won’t stop calling, emailing and generally making my life hell.

You stood me up, you lied to me and about me to your friends, you forgot my birthday, anniversaries, etc. You have never once in over 6 months come to a Dr’s appointment with me, a treatment, a middle of the night emergency room visit. You were never there for me. Talking to me from the bar for 5 minutes after I find out the cancer is back is not being supportive.

And somehow because I can’t take it anymore, I leave, I ask you to stop calling me – somehow I am being abusive. Well if the truth is abusive, then so be it. I don’t care what you think of me, I don’t care what your drunk 35 year old frat buddies think of me. I do care what I think of myself and what my son thinks of me. I feel battered, depressed and ugly from the last 3 years with you. I can just imagine what my son thinks of me.

I delete your voicemails without listening, your emails without reading and ignore your friends. But I still feel like I am going crazy. I covered for you for so long, that everyone thinks you’re wonderful. You’ve even begun to believe the lies you have told yourself.

You didn’t want me when I was there – I was never as important as the next beer or party – so why do you care that I’m gone? I am never coming back. You can not convince me anymore that you will change. All trust is gone. Please, please just leave me alone.

Confession #785

Every day when you get home from work and won't rest until you find me, kiss me, tell me you love me, and ask me how my day was, I suddenly realize...You are the best thing to ever happen to me.

And I'm grateful. I love you too.

Confession #786

I had confessed that I didn't know how to tell you we may be pregnant again. The hatred and hostility your whole family is showing me has made me decide to get an abortion without even telling you. I'm also planning on packing my bags and leaving, since you have stopped defending me. I don't want to have any more ties to you and your freakishly nosey family than the one we already have.

Confession #787

Dear Asshole

I hate you!!! And I mean it!

Confession #788

When you showed up at home with Flowers and a card for my birthday, it was the best thing you could have ever done. I was bummed because you had to work the night my birthday. However you showing up with the simplest gift, was a sign that I married a wonderful guy.

I look forward to spending many a birthday with you. (including our future children's birthday's)

I love you so much!!!! Thanks for everything that you do to help me out, without you I wouldn't survive!

Confession #789

I hate you and your low life parents!

Please tell me what possess them to call to say they are coming into town once they have already planned in, packed the motor home, and are halfway through the four hour drive to where we live?

Would it have killed them to call while they were thinking about it to see what our plans were?

Why do you not see the issue with this?

Why do you think this is ok?

Why do they?

I would never, ever plan a trip to visit some one without discussing it with them prior.

But then again, they are trash and it shows!

Confession #790

I am so sick of you. Honestly so sick of you that I would not care if I ever saw you again. The only problem with that plan is I love your daughter. I wish you understand how much of an ass you are when you are having one of your temper trantums and scream at me, “Fuck you then…..I’ll do it all by myself.” And the at six the next morning your on the phone pannicking because she is sick and, “What are you supposed to do?”

Idiot!!!! Use your fucking Brain…..oh wait….you don’t have one!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

True Wife Confession 78, or the total numer of gifts in the 12 days of Christmas

Confession #771

I was nothing but the perfect wife to you. I allowed you to go out whenever you wanted, turned a blind eye to you when you cheated repeatedly on me, blindly turned over my paycheck so you could have the things you wanted. When I agreed to allow a third person in our relationship was the day I truly screwed up. I let this person come into our lives and gave her a home. I gave her my life without a second thought because it would make you happy. Now she is gone and has made a complete shambles of OUR lives. I want nothing more that to take her stupid face and smash it in the sidewalk. I want to take her clothes that she has left in out house and burn them in the middle of the street. I want to take all her stupid cherished knick knacks and smash them into a million pieces. I want to throw away her stupid books cause i cant stand to look at them. Oh yea...even though I really did start to care for her, cause she was my friend.....I always hoped for the day she would leave. I always thought of ways to kick her out. I always wanted her to go. Go far far away. I realize that our relationship is as screwed up as the next persons....but not having her around, I feel a strange sense of calm.

Confession #772

When I begged you to deal with the problems we were having , pleaded with you to attend counseling with me and you refused, in that moment, I didn't recognize you as the man I fell in love with. I didn't even see you as a man. All I saw was this oblivious being who felt his pride was more important than our relationship.

When you went with me anyway, that repaired so much. Just the agreement to go. My heart slowly started coming back to life.

And, sweetheart, when you led the first session off with, "I can't believe that she's put up with it all", I broke down and cried. Because he came back. In that moment I knew the man I loved wasn't lost forever, just on a hiatus.

Welcome home, you.

Confession #773

We are not in college, and our house is not a frat house or a dorm room. For the love of all things good and holy, PICK UP YOUR SHIT. The way you leave a pair of shorts or socks lying in the same sad heap on our bedroom floor for days (until I either pick them up or tell you to pick them up). The way you toss dirty dishes into the sink (or just on the counter) without rinsing them off at least. The way you drop trash on the floor and LEAVE IT because you "just didn't notice." START NOTICING. How do you think we're going to teach our kids to pick up after themselves when you can't even seem to figure it out???

Confession #774

I can't stand you anymore. You used to be a great listener, but all you do anymore is wait for an opening so you can take over the conversation. I'm sick and tired of hearing how great you are. You are such a braggart. Can't you at least pretend to be interested to what I'm saying? Can't you ask a question on occasion rather than just jumping off onto something else where YOU are the star? You're the most self-centered person I've ever met in my life. Get over yourself already. No one wants to listen to your bragging. Maybe that's why you have no friends in this town. We're all sick to death of hearing about YOU.

Confession #775

I am so homesick that I could scream. I hate living in the city (and I know you are not fond of it either) and want to go back. I promised you that I would stick it out here for 5 years so that you could get more experience. That was 7 years ago and you have no plans to start looking for a job closer to home. I am trying to be supportive of your career goals, but it is getting harder for me to do so. I have dreams of my own and they do not include the rat race of a large city. If you do not start treating my wishes with the same consideration that I have to treat yours, I am going to go and pursue what I want on my own. You know this, and don't seem to care. You are just not the person that I married, that man would have never broken such an important promise to me. I am not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way you became more concerned with making lots of money than me. I liked our marriage so much better when we were poor. At least then we were happy, but now it is all about work and what you can buy that you could not before.

Confession #776

I realize you agreed to move the bed to the center of the room and out of the corner in exchange for never having to make said bed again. However, it would seem that since (a) you have much more time to screw off in the morning and (b) you're usually the last one out of that bed, it would make much more sense for you to make it. Come on, all you have to do is pull up the covers and put the f'ing pillows back. Is that such a big deal? I would think a man with a college degree would be able to pull it off...

Confession #777

I've begged you to go to counselling for so you've agreed but
I think it's a waste of time - ironic eh?

I think I'm done with this and with you. It's time for me to take my son
away from your constant derision, judgement, and scorn.

How an intelligent strong women like me ended up relinquishing so much
control to an insecure bully for so long is beyond me.

I'll do the counselling because I fought for it for so long but I don't
think I can be bothered any more, life's too short.

Confession #778

We are expecting our first child and I know -- and understand -- that you are scared, yet you've become so caring, careful, and affectionate. Don't get me wrong, you were these things before, but now? You made dinner last night, and each time I tried to help, you told me to go sit back down. Then, you did the dishes, too, and rubbed oil on my growing parts to help prevent the stretch marks. You ask me as soon as we get home how I feel, how my day was, do I need to take a nap. You initiated making a grocery list while you were cooking dinner last night, including pulling out a cookbook and making a list. You move the furniture for me when I'm vacumming and you massaged me after I overdid it this weekend.

Thank you for becoming a more wonderful husband; I can hardly wait to see the father that you'll be!!

Confession #779

I am becoming more and more depressed about our marriage. You are wonderful husband and father but I need intimacy, sex, kissing! Its been over two months since we had sex. I can count on one hand how many times we have made love this year. It shouldnt be that way. I dont know why we dont. I feel maybe you arent attracted to me anymore. I miss being with you, kissing you and loving you. I dont know what to do to change things. It seems you just arent interested. At night sometimes I just want to kiss and lay together but we always end up watching tv. Then when I mention it you want to jump on me right then. I want some romance that we had before... laying together naked for just no reason.... kissing not just a peck but really kissing.... I dont know how to tell you this. I just feel sad.

Confession #780

Dear Husband,

Sometimes I'm so lonely that I can't breathe. I've told you what I need from you flat out, and it still doesn't happen. But I hang around, hoping things will change, because I love you. I feel like we're roommates who occasionally have sex. And sometimes I think that life is too short to spend it that way. But I keep hoping that the man I fell in love with will surface and that I'll be excited to be with you again. Contrary to what this letter implies, I do love you. I just miss you.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I recently got an email accusing me of writing the whole TWC. While I do write some of my own confessions ( and some of you have pickedthem out quite well), I really do cut and paste 99.9%...

I know you will all stay Anon, but could you just testify that these are your confessions????


True Wife Confessions 77 Talking Heads

Confession #761

I truly forget how much I love you until I pick a fight with you and you sit down with me and have that earnest look on your face, and you talk to me until we are right again. You are one of the best people I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have you. I love you more than anything, and I thought I should say that publicly.

Confession #762

I am not an angry wife, but rather a daughter speaking up for an angry wife/mother. My mother is the strongest person I know! She puts up with my dad’s shit, day after day. Everyone around us sees it, but they just don’t understand why we stay. Everyday he cuts her down emotional. We both know about all the times his cheated on her, yes that’s plural, but yet he still lives with us. She just doesn’t want to leave him alone. She doesn’t want to be the last person to see the good in him. She doesn’t want him to be left without love; she is just that amazing.

We deal with him when he is drunk and passed out on the couch, or when he has had too many shots and is breaking things and trying to beat up neighbors and family. Or when he is cussing us out because we forgot to turn the air conditioning on.

Alcohol is his weakness, and everyday he falls to the glass bottle. He has mentally and physically tried to break everyone around him down. His whole family is mad at him. He doesn’t have any true friends. All he has is my mom and I, and he knows that one day he won’t even have us. But I tell him what if that one day is today? And he just smiles and has then so be it; he won’t change for his family and he won’t change for himself…

She tells me one day we will leave, but the past few months have been so hard on her… and I just can’t stand watching him treat her like dirt anymore. One day we will leave, then, hopefully, he’ll realize what he lost and how many chances we gave him to go to rehab.

Written by a concerned 15 year old daughter

Confession #763

I know I'm hormonal and crabby. I know you don't like being around me when I'm like this. Hell, *I* don't like being around me when I'm like this! But, if you'd just put your arms around me, hold me at night, play with my hair or neck, kiss me without my having to beg, it'd go a long way to cheering me up. The more I have to coax for affection, the bitchier I am.

And after a fight, when I've apologized, please touch me. Or speak to me. Don't sit there, tense and silent, for an hour and then pretend nothing happened. I know I pissed you off. I know I yelled for little or no reason. I know I'm being unreasonable and tempermental. And I'm sorry for it. And I love you. Can we make up (or out) a little now?

Confession #764

To my Ex-Husband:

Oh, and one more thing. Before we were married, I cheated on you - with a woman. And she did things to me that you never would. Or could.

Confession #765

It tears me up inside to hear you get so down on yourself about your weight. I love you so much, and I married you for YOU, not for your waist size. I see how hard you work out every day, and it shows in the breadth of your shoulders and the definition in your biceps, which turns me on more than I can say.

I wish I could talk to you about your body issues, wish that you didn't shut down and start badmouthing yourself. I don't care about the extra pounds. I want you to be happy, and want you to stop thinking about your body flaws when we have sex. I've tried to do all I can to reassure you, and to SHOW you how much you turn me on. But sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. In the past few months I've been the only one to initiate sex, and I'm starting to feel like you don't desire me. I love you, baby, but I feel so lonely without your touch.

Confession #766

I love you very much. But you're lousy in bed. I'm glad we haven't had sex this year because at least I haven't had to wake up with you on top of me. It interrupts my sleep and gives me nothing, I mean nothing, back. Except the knowledge that I'm pleasing you, but you don't even come any more, so I'm not pleasing you that much.

I know you don't like the things I like in bed. I am really sorry that I am turned on by things that don't excite you in the slightest. At least I don't even get horny any more. It's a relief, actually.

I just wonder if I"m going to spend the next half century without sex. My life expectancy is something like 92, so ... wow. That's a long time without sex.

Good thing I'm not horny.

Confession #767

I am really , really tired of you doing what ever you want; whenever you want to do it!! When I have plans…. I need to inform you days in advance… Then I get to hear you bitch about it!!! All I get when you have plans is a phone call 5 min. before you leave!!! Also…. You're right you never take me anywhere!!! YES I said it!!! You selfish scab!!

Confession #768

Before I left you, I documented your extensive porn collection - all the videos, the computer games, the magazines, the books, and the internet photos. If you bring try to bring up the matter of an annulment again, I plan to bring my photo documentation to the hearing. You pride yourself on maintaining your upstanding, proper appearance before your family and friends - I'd just love to see what they think of the real you.

Confession #769

You are really great. You were supportive and encouraging when I was in school to get my RN. You held my hand and encouraged me when I was studying for boards. You reassured me while I was waiting for the results. You celebrated with me when I passed. You actively participated in our wedding planning, and I'll adore you forever for wearing tights just because I wanted a renaissance wedding. You looked awesome in them, too. You made all my dreams come true. When we went through the hell of infertility treatments you were always there, even though you were hurting too. When we finally did get pregnant, you were even better. We both made some decisions about the experience that we regretted, but we learned from them together. When our baby was born, you were there with me. We both got pushed around by the doctor and the hospital routines, and while I wish someone would have saved me, I know we didn't know enough then, but we do now. You were awesome, just awesome to take so much time off work to be home and help me while I was recovering. Yeah, you slept pretty soundly, but once you were awake, you always brought the baby to me. Every time I needed something you were there. Yeah, we didn't eat gourmet food that first month, but nobody starved or died of thirst. You may not have cleaned like I wished, but we always had clean clothes and clean diapers. You always supported me with breastfeeding, and never once did I hear "Oh, just give him formula!" like a lot of new dads say. Even when it was really, really hard, you and I were on the same side. You took me to my meetings and really supported me even when I know you didn't understand why it was so important. Best of all, every crackpot weird idea I had about parenting in the early days, you were willing to at least give it a shot and see how it worked out. When I had to go back to work, you took amazing, awesome care of our son. I was miserable, and I missed him so much, but never once did I have to worry about whether he was getting good care or not. You were more patient with him than I was, and I'll love you for that forever. When we realized that it wasn't working out for any of us, you were creative and found a way to let me stay home with him. I was amazingly grateful for that then. Now that we're having trouble again getting pregnant, I'm even more grateful, because this might be my only chance to be here for these baby years, and because of you, I get to do it. I know that neither of us expected the way our lives would change after we had a baby, and we both miss the way things used to be sometimes, but I never get any grief from you because of it. I know you'd like sex more, but you accomodate the changes that we've had to make with humor and grace. Thank you. Even though you do a few things that get on my very last nerve (yeah, I've got some other confessions on here, I admit it) I know that I'm the luckiest woman alive. I hope you read this one, and know it's for you.

Confession #770

Contrary to what you believed, I did NOT hate sex - I just hated having sex with YOU. You spent all your free time downloading porn, then expected me to behave like those vacuous, airbrushed women you spent so much time with. Well, guess what, you prick? Real women expect to be treated with some consideration, not as just a body for you to enact your fantasies on. You expected me to go down on you EVERY SINGLE TIME, but you didn't want to do the same to me. I tried to teach you how to pleasure me, but you had no interest in that. You are the most selfish lover I have ever had. I gave myself more orgasms in the shower than you ever did during our entire 11-year marriage.

Oh, and by the way...I am now with a man who is the polar opposite of you in bed. To him, foreplay is more than rolling over and tweaking my nipples, expecting that to get me in the mood. And unlike you, he makes sure I come every time.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

True Wife Confessions 76 Trombones

Confession #751

I love you and I am proud of you for being my hero and going to dangerous far off places to serve our country. But today I happened upon a note from an old high school sweetheart and for a few minutes I honestly wished I had married him so that I wouldn't have to be alone for months on end with 3 insane children and nobody to hold me at night.

Confession #752

how do i say thank you to a man who has given me the world? You took in my 3 kids and treat them as they were your own. They told me the other day how lucky they were to have two Daddies. You treat our son no different than them. Your parents don't have to send them money for their birthdays but they still do. They and you have never called them Step children.
THANK YOU for that. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. YOU GAVE ME HOPE THAT TRUE LOVE DOES HAPPEN. THANK YOU FOR COMPLEMENTING ME TO YOU ALL YOUR FRIENDS. YOU are my one and only love. I'm sorry for not being the wife that has dinner not cooked when you get home. I'm sorry for not the house picked all the way up. I'm sorry I'm so scattered brained at times.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I will see you again soon after your tour in Iraq is done. I promise you this i will try harder to have dinner made when you get home. But you never complain when its not done. I will have the house clean. Even though you don't complain when its not done.
When I said our vows I promise it was all true. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL THAT I AM AND MORE.

Confession #753

there are no words for how stupid your behavior has become. tonight you drank yourself silly, danced around the house listening to records, for hours on end; the loud music was irritating, but your obnoxious singing was over the top.

then when dinner was ready, you ended up not eating--why, because you were sick to your stomach... why you lifted the lid to my washing machine I do not know, but when I said "not in there, get to the bathroom" and you told me you’d puke in the washer if you wanted to puke in the washer--that was too much even for you. if only I could video tape you when you act this way, you wouldn't recognise yourself, just like I don't see the warm, caring,loving, passionate, brillant man I married, but a drunk raving idiot that spends his nights masterbating and spend money we don't have.

as I am typing, this you run into the kitchen and puke in the sink...

I am sad, disgusted, heartbroken and tired of this situation. I should not have to put up with it--EVER, even you say that when you're not drunk. You need help and I don't know how to help you get it. I have tried talking to you about it; when sober you say you know there's a problem and that you don't want to drink, or act the way you do. You don't remember how you treat me or the hurtful things you say on a nightly basis.

I wish I knew what to do...

Confession #754

i hate you for what you are doing to our kids...they deserve a better dad than you. you have it in you to do better, you just won't cause you're too damn selfish. I'm glad I don't have to put up with your shit anymore but my heart breaks for my daughters who will have you as their father for the rest of their life. do us a favor, disappear for good.....and if i ever get the chance, i'm swirling your toothbrush in poo : )

Confession #755

Put your fucking dishes in the dishwasher. Do not leave them on the counter. Do not leave them in the sink. Do stop to rinse them off. Stop acting like you don't notice because if you didn't, you wouldn't get all pissy and self-righteous when I remind you for the 40th time to clean up after yourself. If we did have a fucking kitchen fairy, I'd make sure she peed in your coffee for the simple fact that you assume I want to clean up after you.

I love you. You are great about a lot of other things. Work on this one. And leaving your clothes all over the freaking house, work on that too.

Confession #756

Do you really think that I enjoy kissing you or having you love up on me while you have a giant nasty wad of chewing tobacco in your mouth? It makes me sick on my stomach to even think about it. Nice example to set for the kids, too, by the way. And I cannot even believe that you tell people you aren't addicted. Please.

Confession #757

You hurt me when your grandmother died and you and your family told me that I couldn't go to the funeral. I know you were in shock and didn't know what to say to me. But, to have your family tell me that it's "family only"?!? Two kids and ten years don't make me "family"?? That just sealed the deal for them.
I hope to have many "family only" events and not invite them. Like the baptism next month. Let's see how they feel about staying home that day.

Confession #758

I'm not really physically attracted to you.

But I am not stupid enough to think that I will ever meet anyone who makes me as happy, secure, loved, and at home as you do. After all these years together, we have our private jokes and ways we know each other that are only our own. You understand me like no one else does, and you make me like the person I am. You are so smart, funny, and caring, and I can't wait for you to be the father of our children. I feel exactly the same way today as I did the day you first kissed me: so lucky.

You put Brad Pitt to shame.

Confession #759

When I ask you to change some behavior or way you act, and you get all upset and wide-eyed and incredulously say 'But honey, I do everything to try to make you happy...' No, you don't. Cause if you did, you would very simply ask me, 'hey, name one thing that I could do on a regular basis to make your life easier and happier.' But assuming that you can read my mind and getting indignant because I'm not appreciative is just a

Confession #760

I confess that I hate your son. He's a greedy, arrogant, sullen little shit and you know it and let him get away with murder. And now, you're bringing him into our home and you expect me to be happy about this intrusion. You are also letting him totally wreck
our plans for a vacation, a vacation I've waited so damned patiently for. Fine, bring him here, and I'll take that vacation alone or maybe I'll invite a "friend" to go along. I'm sick
and tired of hearing you say I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you, yet you treat me like shit. I won't leave you ... not yet anyway, but one day when you least expect it, you'll come home and I'll be gone, and you'll never have it this good again. Maybe that son of yours, the one you keep on the pedastal can keep you company and kiss your ass, cause I won't be here.

Monday, September 18, 2006

True Wife Confessions 75 Cadillac

Confession #741

Part of the reason our sex life is so infrequent is because I get really tense whenever you start asking me to do things to you. It's not that I don't want you to receive pleasure without the work, it's not that I don't like you and am not attracted you. I think you are the sexiest guy on the planet. But it almost always seems to end in a request for a blow job. And I feel terrible, but I can't do it. It's not that I don't want to, it's not that I hate it, I physically can't do it, and you don't seem to get that. I can play around for a bit, but after that, I physically can't. So any time we start getting busy, I'm afraid you are going to start pushing in that direction again, and I'd rather not go there again, because it makes me feel wretched and selfish, since you are always so considerate of what I like in bed.

Confession #742

Why do you have to be such a big dick on the phone to me when I call you at work (which has been about 4 times in 3 years). You act like WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT and make me feel like shit for calling. Thank God I’ve never had to call you and tell you that someone died or I was in a car accident although part of me would love to give you the smack down if something big ever happened and you cut me off on the phone.

Other people talk to their spouses at work…..and get this..some of them do it daily! My ex-husband was happy to hear from me at work on a daily basis. What the fuck is your problem? When I’ve pointed it out to you (nicely) you think I’m making it up about people talking to their spouse at work. Get a grip.

Confession #743

This is a confession from one wife to another.

Remember when we joined you and your husband at the lake and you asked if I brought my swimsuit and I said yes? Remember what you said then? "Good! Maybe my husband will understand my body's not so bad after seeing yours!" How could you not realize how hurtful and insensitive that comment was? Especially knowing how I struggle with my weight?

And then later when you said you hoped that people at the lake (total strangers) would realize you were pregnant and not just fat. "That's why I hate being pregnant! People think you're fat and not just pregnant." Not only did that make you sound like the idiot that you are, but it was also another memorable and insensitive comment. You KNOW how we are going through another round of IVF and would give anything to be "fat" from a pregnancy.

I also hate how after I told you of yet another negative pregnancy result that you constantly rubbed your belly and sighed and complained about how uncomfortable you were and how you just cannot stand getting pregnant all the time. Have you heard of birth control? OH, right. Your husband thinks married people shouldn't use birth control. Maybe learning how to track your cycles and avoid having sex when you're about to ovulate? It's fairly easy to do for people who actually have a brain. Have you also heard of being aware of the feelings of the people around you?? Especially your friends???

This is why I don't want to be around you any longer. This is why I turn down your social invitations. This is why when I see you at parties, I stay the hell away from you. I'd tell this to your face, but you'd find a way to turn it around and make me look like the fool. I don't need that. Some people will never get it and just aren't worth the time or effort. I'm glad I learned that before I invested more time and more feelings into this doomed friendship. Have a nice life raising your 12 billion children on such a limited income. Maybe that's why you're so bitter. You'd have more money to pay bills if you stopped spitting out kids every year. And YES, you are fat, TOO!! There's a lot worse things in life than being fat. Like being a clueless, insensitive bitch. I'm so glad that with this confession, you are finally out of my life forever!

Confession #744

Faithfulness is not my strong suit. I believe in being faithful on principle. In practice I suck at it, I hope you never find out

Confession #745

You adore your father because he supposedly raised you well but you lack a heart. He does not listen to your good suggestions about how to take care of himself. And that reminds me of every man in my life, including YOU. He does not sleep enough to get through the day let alone drive! You do not get enough sleep for work. When he criticizes our relationship it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. He says we look miserable? So do he and his wife. Back when we were ridiculously happy he thought it was be funny to pretend we weren't. W.T.F. He purposely caused trouble and it broke my fucking heart. Especially because you did not reassure me about ANY OF IT. And I see a little more of him in you today. You. Are. A. Stubborn. Ass.

Confession #746

You are an amazing lover: you’re so attentive to my pleasure, you take pleasure in what I do, and you never fail to make me feel sexy. You’re fine with my adventurous past. You suggest adventures for us to take together, but you never pressure me to do something if I’m uncomfortable with it. You’re willing to try new things that I suggest.

I have only one secret from you: Sometimes when we make love I fantasize about fat gay guys. I don’t know why. There’s just something great about two guys eating enormous amounts of food together and getting it on.

I don’t even know why I haven’t told you. You’ve been fine with all my other kinks. I’ve told you my fantasies about vampires and bondage and other women and the woman who helped paint our house. I’ve told you I want to put eyeliner on you or dress you in a gladiator’s armour. Why would it bother you to know your wife sometimes imagines guys eating a lot of pizza and making out?

It wouldn’t bother me at all if you gained weight, either. I did tell you that, but it probably sounded as if I was just being a good wife and telling you I loved you for your inner self. Which is also entirely true. But honey, I look at your big-bellied family and I think it will probably happen to you eventually too, and I’m actually kind of glad.

Confession #747

I have the opportunity to cheat on you but I am scared that I will not know how I feel when it is all said and done. I really like this person. He is an ex boyfriend from High School that loved me so much and I walked all over he can be so forgiving to me is really amazing when you can't forgive me for the simplest things. He knows about you and our family and the thought of being with me over powers his feeling of guilt. I talk to him on the phone every day and I even e-mail him while you are sitting on the sofa playing XBOX. He makes me feel alive and he makes me feel like I am beautiful and worth something in this world. I am going to see him Saturday night after I go out with the girls and after I have a few drinks in me...I don't know what is going to happen. All I know is that we will be even...but I will never tell you and you will never find out.

I need to do this so I can know for sure that you are the man that I am meant to be with and if I can forgive you for cheating on me so dirty six months ago.

I think that you know that I am going to do this and you know that you can not say anything to me about it. Especially since I told you that one day I will and you said that you would not cry for me...cause those days are over for you. You F'N JERK!

If you ever find out....I will just have to see if you cry!

I want you so bad to stop me from doing this. I really do...I know that you never will. And it would be the simplest thing to do. All you would have to do is show me some affection on a daily basis and make love to me with out me having to ask you for it. That is all it would take...but you are too lazy and too involved in XBOX and fantasy football to realize that after Saturday night...I might be gone forever and you would have noone to blame but yourself.

Confession #748

Honey, I'm pregnant. I know it's not in the current plan. I know we don't have the money. I know it's not what we wanted right now. I haven't told you yet because I know you are going to freak out. I am freaking out right now.

I didn't try to "oops" get pregnant either. Just so you know. I have been taking my pills EVERY day. At the same time. Without fail. And since we only had sex three times in the past month, I can't even imagine how the odds didn't work in our favor.

I'm sorry. I know this is not what we wanted right now. Please just don't have a fit when I tell you. I'm as scared about this as you are.

Confession #749

I am totally in love with you, I haven't told you yet, because I dont want to jinx it. Even though we have been toghether for 7 months... You are seriously the best thing that could have happened to me and my kids. I think that some day I will be married to you... I am so glad my ex cheated on me, and left me for his dumb bimbo. I would have never met you if he didn't hurt me and the boys that way and I am pretty sure we would have had a miserable life that way. But I am so thankful that he did. You would do anything for us, anything, and it means the world to me and the kids. It really is nice to know that there are really guys out there that would love to be a father to somone else's children like they were your own.

Confession #750

I think that you are who you are because your mom is such a strong woman. Because you love her you admire my strengths and love me.

I am so glad that you are in this for the long haul,you work through the stupid fights, the petty differences, I love that you have never walked out.

Marriage is so much harder than I thought it would be, sometimes I am not sure if I want to do it, but you are the reason I keep coming back.

Parenthood is so much harder than we thought it would be, I am glad you help me do the best I can.

You know how to please me, and maybe I taught you much of it, but it is sweet that you remember, it makes me want to please you .

I wish I could tell how I feel about you, but it always sounds corny when I try to put it in words

Saturday, September 16, 2006

True Wife Confessions 74 Gun Man o'war ala Billy Budd (my English Major Geek roots are showing)

Confession #731

Tonight you decided to dick out on me because I complained about going two
miles out of my way on my way home from work to get you a burrito from a
specific restaurant. No asking whether I felt like having a burrito for
dinner also; not even any consideration of my counter suggestion of my
picking you up a nearly identical burrito from a different restaurant that
was more on my way. Oh no, it had to be that burrito from that restaurant.
You didn’t even consider the fact that I have homework to do as well

When I let out the mildest of quips about it being out of my way, you threw
one of your 14 year-old temper tantrums and told me to "just forget about
it"; the more I offered to go get the fucking burrito anyway, the more of a
bastard you became. I’m considering buying one on the way home anyway, if
no other reason than to tell you to stick it up your self-righteous ass. Or
maybe smash it into one of those Statistics books that I am obviously not
enlightened enough to understand...anything to take the edge off of the
bullshit silent treatment punishment that awaits my arrival.

Confession #732

I know you didn't brush your teeth yesterday. Or the day before. Because after we got back from the trip, you left your toothbrush in my bag. And mine wasn't used before I got up. However, since this is the first time you've ever done anything like that, I won't say anything, cause I know it'll embarrass you.

Confession #733

I hate your mother! She is a low life!

When “B” was only seven years old and she called you mom to wish her a Happy Birthday on the way to school and was singing silly songs to her. When she accidentally used the word “Whore” instead of “Hog” and your mother screamed at me about it. Well let me tell you I was probably in more shock then your “precious mother” about the situation. I can guarantee that “B” never heard the word “whore” from me. Maybe your mother should have thought about how she was talking in front of “B” everything she yelled at your father for cheating on her with the Whores!

But more then that maybe you should have thought about the language your parents used in front of her when you were letting them raise her for so long before I came into the picture.


Confession #734

I wish you would step up every now and then and be 'the man'. I know, it's ridiculous. I'm a strong, independent, capable woman who doesn't believe in predefined gender roles. But I get tired of being the adult all the time. Pay some bills without me nagging you! I don't want to call and yell at the cable company for not showing up on time -- I want you to do that. I don't want to learn how to fix the shower, you should do that! I don't want to be the person responsible for car maintenance, you are the man! I don't want to be the one with the greater earning potential. It's totally ludicrous, because the car is mine, most of the bills are in my name and I've been paying them myself for ages longer than you, you are generally a pretty good handy man, and I have higher degrees (and thus more earning potential) than you do. But there are days I have to bite my tongue from saying, "YOU are the man, you take care of this."

I guess the flip side is that I need to be more grateful for all the work you do around the house and what a great cook you've become, and how willing you are to paint my toenails for me without caring if your friends know that you do that. Also, a more traditional man would probably be upset about me keeping my name, about my love of our basketball team and my loathing of doing laundry, and would probably not be anywhere near as loving, attentive and wonderful as you.

Confession #735

Thank you for taking care of our sick child on my first day of school. Thank you for doing the vomit laundry. Thank you for picking me up from school. Thank you for having dinner ready, and the sheets on the bed changed. They were even flannel, and you know how I love flannel sheets in the fall. Thank you for telling me to not worry about the tuition bill. Thank you for standing behind me, supporting me, and feeding me when I get home. Those are the reasons I stay married to you.

Confession #736

I have never been so angry as I was when you told me you thought we should not have bought the house. I was upset, miserable, unhappy, and I know you were too, but you were the one who pushed me when I wasn't sure. You convinced me, and for you to say it was a bad idea pissed me the hell off. Too late for objections now, buddy. Just learn plumbing find a way to fix the damn shower.

Confession #737

My confession: When I cracked the joke about masturbating, and you looked so surprised and exclaimed that I never masturbate? Yeah, I do. Almost everyday. I love you, you are masterful in bed, our sex is amazing (though we are both unhappy with frequency, and working on it), but honey, sometimes I can just get it done faster. And then I don't have reciprocate.

Confession #738

I'm sorry you became sick. More sorry than you will ever know. I'm also
sorry it has damaged your memory and your moods, your physical abilities
and your ability to speak clearly. Really, I am. However, it does not
give you the right to become angry with me and yell at me when I suggest
things to help you. Like suggesting you try to remember to clean yourself
correctly and put deoderant on. You did NOT remember to put it on, do not
tell me you did. It was EXACTLY as I left it so you wouldn't forget it.
And for god's sake use a washcloth to clean your underarms.... you've used
your hands since the day I met you. IT DOES NOT GET YOU CLEAN. You
stink... all I am doing is trying to help you not feel "different" when you
are out. I am sick of the yelling, the drama and the self pity that
accompanies each and ever day..... I am trying to be a good caregiver and
wife and mother, but you are making it more and more difficult. I will
only tolerate it for so long. I'm sorry you don't think your life can be
normal anymore..... but I'm even sorrier you won't at least try. If you
won't try for you or me, how about trying for our son? You are such a dick

Confession #739

You think your porn videos got lost in the move or are still in a box in the
garage. I threw them in the dumpster. I'm scared to tell you I did it.

Confession #740

To my husband, the all-important scholar: Oh, how I loathe your attitude
when you’re in school.

When the semester starts, your asshole factor increases by tenfold. You
become even more self-absorbed and self-righteous than you already are, and
at least five times more of a grandstanding fuckhead than before you went
back to college -- back when you used to bore me to tears with your endless
lectures on indie rock and left wing politics (which at least are subjects
which interest me, or did before you hammered me into the wall with your

You will pontificate ad nauseum on any subject which interests you, and God
help the individual who tries to make any kind of counterpoint when you’re
on one of your rolls. You’ll speak over them in increasing volume until the
"audience member" relegates himself or herself back down to the orchestra
pit where they belong; there’s no room for dialogue in your one-man show.
Too bad not everyone is in love with your half-assed mental masturbation as
much as you are.

Your imperious attitude toward your studies makes me choke on
bile...everything, and I mean EVERYTHING takes a back seat to your
all-important homework. "Silly wife, pester me not with chores and requests
for any attention or assistance...can’t you see that I’M STUDYING?!" Um,
yeah I can asswipe, because that’s exactly what I need to do too – yes, it’s
true; you’re not the only person in the world trying to put themselves
through school and work at the same time! I’m taking just as many classes
as you are, and even if you work ten hours per week more than I do it
doesn’t give you the right to act like a pompous prick.

Oh, and neither does the fact that you’re studying BUSINESS make you any
more intelligent or worthy of credit than my lowly fine-art studying self,
although you rarely take make the effort to conceal your disdain for what I
do. "All that stuff is just BULLSHIT anyway, I hardly see the point in
making it an academic discipline." The fact that this is coming from you --
who spent his 20’s trying (and failing) to "make it" as an indie rock
musician -- speaks volumes to anyone who isn’t as monumentally clueless as
you are. You sound like a newly converted whore.

Your mother could have done a lot better than to treat you and your
stuffed-shirt sanctimonious brothers like little princes when you were kids.
And you wonder why I’ve changed my mind about procreating.

Friday, September 15, 2006

And now, a word from our sponsor...

Hi all.

Just a few "housekeeping" notes from the Mother Un-Superior (that's me).

After much consideration, I put TWC forward for inclusion on the BlogHer Ad network. I was hesitant for awhile to run ads on the site...but many of my Bloggy friends talked with me at BlogHer and convinced me that it would be a good thing. So I did. And it was accepted. Within the next week or so, the ads will appear in the top right hand column. The beauty of BlogHer (aside from the fact that I think Lisa Stone may be a goddess) is that you don't have to click through for me to get credit. I get every hit counted.

So, if you hate ads, and are wholly offended, then I sincerely apologize in advance. But - and here is the crux of it - I need money. I am in Canada and am not allowed to work as I am on a student visa. So think of it this way - all of you who visit? You'll be keeping me in coffee for the month. Or a martini. Every time you visit, it is like putting a nickel into Dawn's coffee or liqour tin. And god knows, we don't want me to run low on either of those things...or anti-depressants.

Also, the publishing schedule may change a smidge. I am in classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. The Monday - not so bad - 5:30 to 8:30. But Wednesday? 9-12 and then again 5:30-8:30. I have to be on the 7:45 train into Montreal to make the class. Sooooo Wednesday might be delayed...or nonexistant.

I have the 79th chapter almost done right now. I was doing one a day when the confessions were coming in so fast I could barely keep up with them. They've slowed a bit now, so depending on the flow, they might only get published every other day or so. We'll see. Keep 'em coming.

Now I must go read two chapters on Research Methodlogy and a chapter of Curriculum ideology. Contain your excitement, I'll sure try to contain mine....