Tuesday, July 28, 2009

True Wife Confessions (sexy and) 17

Confession #161

You are a better father than I ever hoped.

Confession #162

I hate that every time you come from work you leave your keys where every you first sit your ass down. I even put a key hanger by the front door so there would be no need to search the house 50 times over and finally find your keys in the bathroom next to the toilet. Yes, most of the time I know where your keys are, but I figure at the least I can laugh to myself watching you search for them and you are late for work every morning. Is it really that hard....Come on. And when you lost my keys and made me hours late for work looking and finally finding them BEHIND our entertainment center, I really wanted to hurt you when you came home and you didn't even care. Thanks.

Confession #163

I am not your personal errand girl. Just because I am off for the summer does not mean that my new job is to run to the bank, bring you lunch, get the oil changed on both cars, do the grocery shopping, and do all of my usual chores. I'm on vacation. If you wanted two months off, you should have gotten a degree in teaching. I'm on vacation, buddy-leave me the hell alone.

Confession #164

If you touch my ass again while I am loading the dishwasher, I will deck you. Seriously. If you want to get some, quit groping and grab and dish and put it away-not that you know which cabinet the dishes belong in. You'd get a lot farther in the bedroom if you gave a little more in the rest of the house, you lazy ass.

Confession #165

You proposed because I was pregnant. I accepted because I was pregnant. Our child will be 18 soon, and I am SO OUT OF HERE!!

Confession #166

I did not get a job to get insurance. I got it to save money so I can leave you. You didn't appreciate me when I stayed at home with the kids, you don't appreciate me now that I'm working. Maybe you'll appreciate me when I'm gone.

Confession #167

When I asked you to dress our baby last winter, and you came downstairs dressed in warm socks, boots, long underwear, heavy jeans, two shirts and a parka, and handed me our son in a short sleeve cotton onesie I wanted to hit you and ask "WTF are you STUPID?"

Confession #168

Much as I love sex with you, it's better with the lights off because if
I'm pretending you're someone else, I can also pretend I'm looking into
his eyes.

Confession #169

I really loved it when you used to work out of town. I could go and do whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to without checking with the "head office", without putting up with your pissing and moaning. I could tolerate it when you started working intown, enjoying at least the daytime to myself, but now that you are home all the time, I am about to lose my mind. The only time I have for ME is the 30 minute drive to and from work. I am really sorry you hurt your back, but I am REALLY sick of hearing the whole damn scenario for the 5,000th time, complete with all the details of how much pain you are in.You act like no one in the world has ever experienced your pain--hell, you are zoned out on morphine so much of time, it's a wonder you know what pain is. And wash a dish? Pick up your dirty socks? That would cut into your free time, wouldn't it? And don't think that that I mind that the medicine has given you ED---It is a welcome excuse for me not to have to make it with a slob like you. It's been 34 years of torture pretending that you turn me on. I should get an Oscar for the acting job I have given. You never have known that you don't do it for me!

Confession #170

We are in love. Deeply, madly, painfully. Our souls are one in the
same. When we are in different physical locations, our souls are
still united and we are together. We get it.

We will never be together. Ever. Why? Because I married you. I love
you. I always have and always will. The love I have for you is
secure and it is comfortable. It is easy. You are an amazing father
to our son and the kind of husband that women wish for.

You are just not him. I never knew that the mad passionate love that
the movies extol existed. He has become apart of our family. He is
the best friend to my brothers and a son my parents have adopted as
one of their own. He is in our lives daily. I love him, I love him,
I love him.

I love you too. Just differently. I will be with you forever. I will
never leave you and I will never physically betray you. I will fight
my heart and mind and keep you in the forefront and not him. You
deserve the promises I made to you on our wedding day and you will
get them. I wish I could tell you every now and then when you ask me
what's wrong that my heart is hurting and it's fighting for you.

Every holiday, birthday, family vacation, celebration, I wish I
could tell you that I will be fully enjoying our family. Me, you, and
our son. I know that I will be looking across the room at him and his
girlfriend and he will meet my eyes and something unspoken will pass
between us. It will always be there.

He has my soul and you have my heart. I love you and I am committed
to you. You are the hero in my life. He never will be. As much as I
hate that, I find comfort in you.

I love you.

Monday, July 27, 2009

True Wife Confessions Sweet 16

Confession #151

hey, look, you cheated on me when we were dating. Do I forgive you, 4 years later? No. Did I forget? No. Do I hate you for it? Yes. Do I wonder why I married you? Yes. And then the answer strikes me. I married you because it's what people expected. However, if you cheat on me again, I will cut your penis off. fucker.

Confession #152

Yes, they really are making fun of you because of what you chose to say or do.

Confession #153

When I tell you yelling at a two year old doesn't work why do you insist upon an hour long explanation why? And then still not believe me? I am with these kids all day long every day and you are hardly here. You overreact. You think the kids should act like your coworkers. THEY ARE KIDS. THEY ACT LIKE KIDS! Don't treat them like they are doing it just to piss you off.

Confession #154

When you tweek my nipples for 3 seconds flat as if you're adjusting the
burner on your manly gas grill, do NOT ask me if I'm ready yet. I will
always respond, "not if you want it wet!" It's offensive that you spend
more effort on working up a good bowel movement than you do on foreplay

Confession #155

Your friends not coming around anymore has nothing to do with me like you say. Most all of them still stop by to chat when you're not home. They don't like how you treat them. And by the way, you're losing me friends and embarrassing me.

Confession #156

Yes, you have a job. Get over it. Everyone has to work. Either change careers or stop whining and complaining. Guess what? Everyone you're complaining to just came from work too!

Confession #157

During the last "Vomiting vacation", you cleaned up all the vomit in the bedroom while I comforted the child. That meant a alot to me. It really did.

Confession #158

I hate the fact that you're a drunk, , you spend your money on booze and I have to pay the bills. I hate having to force you to pay the bills.

We cant rely on your mommy forever you know. What are you going to do when she dies?
I hate that you lie to me and say you get our son up at 7:30 am when I know you don't get him up til about 9 ( geeze I wonder why he won't go to bed at night!) and I can't do anything about it because I am at work by that time. Why because I work at a really sucky job that I hate because you are to lazy and irresponsible to get a real job ( and keep it) and take care of your family.
Why do I pay most of the bills. Didn't you brag about how your wife would never work how you want your wife to stay home and take care of the kids and have dinner on the table as soon as you walk through the door ( yes that was me laughing )
Why do you think waving your member in my face is a turn on ( eww) and that asking me to look is the way to initiate sex? Then you just lay there. What you think your so wonderful that you don't even have to move and I am turned on?
Why am I with you again.

Confession #159

You smashed my nose in a drunken rage. You scared the shit out of me and
your precious, innocent daughter.

You have NO fucking idea how lucky you are to not be in jail right now. You
would be if I didn't need your money.

Welcome to life in the backseat, jackass. Life is never going to be the

Confession #160

You're everything I want,
You're everything I need...
I want you to be my life consuming passion.
Everything my heart desires
I find it all in you, you're my true one and only.
Never let go of me for noone will love you as I do.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Life in the Days

Some of you may remember a post that was up about a year ago for a photo project.

The concept is deceptively simple. A group of women take a photo every day. It can be of whatever strikes them as important...or everyday about their lives. It can be houses. It can be family. Food, Pets, Gardens, Workplaces, Friends, streets of their towns, or the things they see on vacations.

This is harder than it sounds, taking a picture everyday. At first I had to remember to put my camera BACK in my bag every time I uploaded photos. Some nights I, like some other women in the group, would end up with one hastily taken photo at bedtime since my day had gotten away from me.

As the first year of the project winds down, I can not express how important this documentation of my year has become for me. Beyond that, the group of women whom know only through their photos has become an important part of my life. I look forward to their pictures - to knowing how they are and what they are feeling. I love seeing the entirety of what they see.

While there can be no doubt that this is art, there is nothing delicate about this project. I would argue that it is the Feminine in its highest, most pure form. This is Women. Parenting. Mothering. Being Lovers and Friends and Daughters and Sisters. There are terrifying photos in this collection. Photos in which souls are laid bare before the camera. Nothing glamorous or hidden. There are incredibly tender photos of children or pets or things and places we love. There are hysterically funny pictures and there are desperately sad photos.

If you have not looked at this project, I invite you to do so. You will see that the pictures are arranged in chronological order - and if you like, you can go down and find individuals names where their pictures are tagged as a group.

Sarah, the founder of the project, is recruiting for another year of Envisage 365.
You can get in touch with her to express interest in participating at this email by August 20th:


Monday, July 20, 2009

True Wife Confessions 296 moths on the screen

Confession #2951

When will I ever learn that there is no satisfaction to be had in engaging with you? If I try to get you to see that you have been unfair to me...if I try to shame you, It whips back on me. It angers me that it has taken me 20 years to figure this out.

Confession #2952

I am falling in love with someone else. He's smart and funny and thinks I'm amazing. He has drive and ambition and interests that go beyond World of Warcraft. Although this is all very new, I'm already thinking about how to get out of this sham of a marriage so I can be with him when the time is right. And I'm not feeling the least bit guilty about it. I deserve to be cherished and loved.

Confession #2953

I hate that you are so quick to get angry, Im still scared of you from the last major outburst that you had 2 years ago. I know you know this and use it in your favor every now and then. Last night you called me a fat pig. Thats rich coming from someone who has more stretch marks than I do, and you havent had a kid. When I say that you should be treating me with respect, its not because I've been brainwashed by the book on relationships that im reading. Its because Im your partner, the mother of your child, your "soul mate" as you once called me and someone who deserves it! THATS WHY you useless prick!

Confession #2954

Well, I guess this is more of a cry for advice from everyone. I have been dating a guy for the past 8 months. This man is great in holding me, making me feel safe, letting me know I am loved, and just being a great “teddy bear”. Yet he cant keep a job, he is lazy and sleeps in all day, watches movies or plays video games. I love this man sooooooo much! Yet I have cheated on him several times. Simply cause he isn’t very good in bed, he doesn’t shower regularly or brush his teeth. When we make love I wanna be able to kiss him passionately and smell his soft skin, but I cant. My mother tells me I should kick him out, but if I do I am scared he will take his own life. I am a single mother who receives no help from the father. Which means I am supporting all 3 of us, with the little bit of money I make. I have never been with anyone who holds me the way he does. It is as if his arms are magic. I feel as if he counts on me too much because I am his ride or die chick. Everyday is for him and my child. I only do what I do to make sure they are happy and taken care of. He doesn’t even get along with my child very well, which makes things a little bit harder. I sometimes feel like I need a break from relationships, considering I have been in one since I was 13 and am now 25. What should I do? I have other offers from some good men who have jobs and the things a man should have. But I don’t know if they are worth leaving those magic arms. HELP!

Confession #2955

I wish I could read your freaking mind. Then I would know whether or not you really want to marry me, or if you act so lackluster and indifferent because you really don't want to go through with it, despite saying differently. It's not like there's some big wedding to plan. I have no family, and you have only two sisters, so a simple beach wedding and dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards is all we have planned. We have the rings and marriage license, but you still act so damned indifferent. I'm not asking for a big dress, fancy wedding & reception, or even a damned cake. You don't care what date I set, what we will wear, where it will be, or anything else. Put your fucking two cents in, please, so I'll know that you actually give a shit.

Confession #2956

I missed you terribly when you were away on business.

Confession #2957

To my m-i-l
My little girl will NOT be 6 feet tall. Yes she is tall now for her age, not by much. I've told you that when I was a little girl I was very tall, taller than everyone else until I was 12, then everyone caught up to me and I've been almost the same height since then, 5'4. Everyone in my family grows like this. When I told you this you actually questioned me by saying in a really wrong tone that my daughter takes after you, not me.
I've told you that but you insist that she will be "6 feet tall" because you spoke to someone you work with that had a tall toddler and she ended up nearly 6 feet....ugh.....we're not even related to this person...why would my daughter be like them....I just ignored you and said uh huh whatever.. Dont ever talk to me about my daughters height again.
Again and again I keep hearing how much she is exactly like all of you in every way and not even related to me, Im her mother, I gave birth to her. She DOES take after me. I can clearly look at her and see things from my family, the way her face is shaped, the way her body is shaped, movements she has, she really reminds me of my dad. Of course you keep shooting me down when I suggest that. My daughter cant even do the simpliest things without being compared to one of you. She wanted the outfit her doll was wearing changed, I helped her with it. Before I could put the other outfit on the doll, you see that the doll was unclothed and said, oh she takes after auntie so and so, auntie so and so used to love to take her does clothes off. UGH, no-I took the dolls clothes off. JUST STOP IT.
And you wonder why I dont really want to be around you anymore, you treat me with no respect. I DONT EVEN HAVE A CHOICE WHERE I SPEND ANY FUCKING HOLIDAY, ITS AUTOMATICALLY ASUMED THAT BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS NOT AROUND WE SPEND EVERY HOLIDAY WITH YOU. After you ever stopped to think that maybe I would like to have one fucking holiday without you. OH, of course not, you people are the fucking kennedy's, why would'nt every single person in your realm not want to be with you every second of every fucking day......IM TIRED OF YOU DICTATING MY FAMILYS LIFE....my own husband puts you all above me time and time again. I cant even begin to tell you how far down on the food chain I am in his life, you all are on top. And you dont treat me with any respect. My s-i-l had the nerve to tell me to my face that none of you like me, if it werent for my daughter, none of you would ever want to see me again. When I told my husband that his sister said that to me, he defended her and said I must had misunderstood, she would never say that. Im so fed up, I mean nothing to him. I want to take my daughter and move far away and never see any of you again.
I can just feel how things will be in years to come, me and my daughter against all of you. Me and her will win.

Confession #2958

I am secretly tickled to death that you have been asked to be in a movie.

Confession #2959

Remember years ago when you came home with a broken nose? You told me you were telling gay jokes to the trainer at the gym and she punched you. Now you know and I know that's not the whole truth. You were probably running your mouth not knowing when to shut up, annoying the hell out of her with your stupid babbling, and she finally had enough and just punched you so you would stop talking. Instead of learning a valuable lesson, you began your quest for getting her fired, only to fail. If only you knew how annoying your family and friends find you.

Confession #2960

You are an incredible ass. Having nagged you for 6 weeks to follow up after your vasectomy, I stupidly assumed you'd take care of the second sample on your own, like a big boy who doesn't need his mama telling him what to do. Like a man who protects the best interests of his woman as well as his own. Instead we've been having unprotected sex without knowing for sure that the surgery "took". This is NOT okay. This is FAR from okay. Yes, the probability of an unplanned pregnancy is low, but it's not zero. What kills me is that you didn't bother to tell me that you hadn't gotten around to taking care of business. I'm glad to know that my health, my future, my finances, my happiness, my peace of mind, and my trust in you are less important than surfing eBay for toy parts and your other projects. I haven't decided if this is a deal breaker yet, but I do know that you're "going solo" until you take care of this.

Monday, July 13, 2009

True Wife Confessions 295 mint juleps

Confession #2941

We're about to start living together, and I find myself feeling more and more scared everyday. You've been on your own since your divorce 15 years ago. You are so very set in your ways. For 15 years, you've just piled up whatever you want where ever you want. I'm overwhelmed by how much junk is piled in every room, every closet, and every cabinet. There is no room for my stuff in your house, and you're making no effort whatsoever to make room. But you'll let me do it, and have told me repeatedly that you want me to do it. However, when I do, you piss and moan the whole time. I feel screwed either way. Surely when we get through the transition, things will be better. But I'm not sure. And that scares me.

You also seem to have lost much of your interest in sex since we made the decision to live together. What's up with that? The way I look and dress hasn't changed; I still flirt with you. But you don't flirt back and sex has dwindled. That also scares me.

And per your request, I was at your house yesterday cleaning out a bedroom (which you wanted me to do). When you got home, you were in one the worst moods I've seen you in during the 2 years we've been together. Was it because you had to work late? Was it because I was there when you got home (as planned)? You blamed it on work, but I'm not sure. Even if it was work-related, are you always going to take out your bad work days on me? I know there are a lot of them, so that, too, scares me.

Yet when I left this morning, you were so sweet and loving. Very affectionate. Sincere "I love you"s. Back to your old self. The man I love. And the sex last night was great. But I'm scared.

Confession #2942

I have tried to tell you numerous times even before you were charged that things weren’t working out. I thought I was over it until the 1 year anniversary and realized I couldn’t live with things the way they are and since the kids are gone, life is too short not to be happy. Separated, and I, for the first time felt like I didn’t have to walk on eggshells, except you kept hounding me to death. I fell in love with a man who made me remember what life was supposed to be. And he with me. But, for the sake of our child’s wedding and the fear that the day would be ruined I told you to come home…to stop you from being an idiot. Now it’ll be so much harder because you are trying WAY too hard to be someone you’re not…the drinking started again like I knew it would…I need to move on. Am afraid now that the kids will all think it is me who is the bitch, not the realization that we haven’t had a relationship in years…..

Confession #2943

Have you ever bought a flat of annuals and all of the plants do well except for one? It has the same water, soil, sunlight, and care as all of the others but for no particular reason it just fails to thrive? This morning I felt like the weak pansy in the pack. For so long I've masked a feeling of desperation by staying busy. I went to college, traveled, and took up new hobbies. When things got dull, I changed jobs, changed boyfriends, took up home improvement tasks, and planned vacations but lately I just feel so... empty. Isolated. I find myself wasting time by rereading novels I've read before, playing solitaire at work, sabotaging my current relationship, and watching reality tv and hate myself for wasting this life. Even when I do the things that used to make me happy, I find myself unhappy with the results. It sounds like I'm depressed, but I don't know what I'm depressed about. I still have a job, a nice boyfriend, a nice home, can afford to travel, and am fortunate in many regards.

Ladies of TWC, please tell me what to do.

Confession #2944

I am sorry that I am obese. I wouldn't want to have sex with me either. You are a good man for encouraging me to be healthy. You are a good man for loving me even though I am angry with myself and sad at how my life has turned out. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I'm just so afraid that I can't do it.

Confession #2945

I hate you. I want to leave you. I am much happier when you are gone, why can’t you get that? Why do you have to be so dense? I guess I need to tell you flat out, “I have a lawyer; you might want to get one too. Get out off the house now, locks will be changed as soon as you leave…

Confession #2946

I know this sounds stupid and I know you work hard for your money, why did you get to have your clam plate this weekend, but you left me with no money to be on vacation with the kids for the week? We are late on the bills, I stay with my parents on vacation to save money and let the kids have a good summer and you get to blow the money. I work, too. Maybe I wanted a clamroll, too. Asshole.

Confession #2947

We have a beautiful house, you’re an excellent provider, and you’re the best father to our children. What’s our problem? Our problem is that you don’t know how to love me. Being intimate with you only several times a year is not enough for me. You don’t tell me you love me. I want more from the man that I love. Seeing you play with our children and work hard so that our family has everything we need only makes me love you more -- but you won’t love me back. Every night you crawl in bed and fall asleep. I crawl in bed and wonder why loving me never crosses your mind. I buy sexy things to wear; I make myself smell good, so why don’t you want me? I beg you to get some help and you don’t. You ignore the problem. After eight years, I’m not in love with you anymore. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. Maybe I’m asking too much. It’s a shame because we could’ve had the perfect life.

After I lay awake in anger over the problem, I fall asleep and dream about my old boyfriend. He knew exactly how to love me, and we had the best sex. I see his face every night, but I can’t help it. You can’t control your dreams. You did this. It’s your fault. I always hear that sex isn’t the most important thing in a marriage, but it's so important. I need you to show me you love me.

Confession #2948

I want to move closer to home.

Not because I like it there, but because I miss being a part of everything. I miss just being able to go and see my brother or sisters and nieces and nephews whenever I want to. I miss my folks, and my aunts and uncles who live nearby. I miss having impromptu BBQs. I know in the past I told you I'd rather live closer to your family, but that was when things were toxic in mine. Things have improved drastically and I want to be a part of my family again. I feel so stuck and lonely. I have some friends, sure, but they're involved with their own lives (and many of them have their families around them).

I wouldn't want to live any closer than maybe an hour or an hour and a half's drive away. Just close enough to be able to go there and be around people. Close enough that our daughter could play with her cousins now and again.

I know we can't move closer. I know there are no jobs around there for you. I know you hate the country. I know we're stuck up here for awhile. It's not that you wouldn't move if we could, if it would make sense to. I just needed to say it; to admit that's part of why I've been so miserable lately. I grew up with a ton of family around me, and now I've got none around. Glad we're going to see them in a couple of weeks. Maybe that will help ease my loneliness. You're a super husband, but you can't give me everything.

Confession #2949

Would it have been possible to not start screaming at me when I walked in from my massage? I went because of my insomnia with the idea that it would help me sleep. Having you jump on my ass for something small and inconsequential was just mean - like you wanted to strip me of my relaxation. And this is one more reason I keep looking for an apartment.

Confession #2950

It is amazing that you are so good at patting yourself on the back. You actually bragged to my friends that you cleaned the bathroom. Yes, the sink and the countertop looked nice, but what about the shower, bathtub, floor and toilet? I wish cleaning was that easy.