Thursday, August 31, 2006

True Wife Confessions Highway 61revisited

Confession #601

I hate you. I've hated you since about two months after we got married the first time. You are sadistic, perverted and just an awful man. So now, eleven years later, I am just keeping my mouth shut and trying to get through until the kids are old enough that if we get divorced I won't have to leave them alone with you. After we got divorced, I only got back together with you so that I wouldn't have to send the kids 1000 miles away to stay with you and your crazy fucking mother. And I only married you again so that the kids and I would have health insurance. I have done awful things to you in retaliation for the way that you treat me and in the hope that you will finally just leave me and the kids (it's not like you even care about them or are ever nice to them).

But I know that you never will. It makes me sick how you are so needy and say that you love me so much and can't live without me. If you love me so much, why do you push me around and choke me? How can you think that slapping me and hurting me and pissing on me during sex is LOVE?

Mostly I hate myself for staying with you. But I'm trapped. I can't leave the kids alone with you. And the court doesn't care that you are a fucking pornography-addicted, control freak- you'd still get visitation.

You alternate between being a whiny little bitch who wants to hold my hand and "cuddle" and says that I am so cold and unaffectionate and the classic abusive husband. The whole household walks on eggshells around you.

I hate it that I spend so much time doing every little thing that you need that it makes me resent the kids needing me to do stuff. I hate it that I am so wound up from your bullshit that I snap at them for stupid reasons.

I hate it that I have to do everything in the house in addition to working full time. I hate it that you won't do a single goddamn thing for yourself but complain about the way that I do things. When your single job at home was mowing the lawn, you never did it. The grass was knee-fucking-high. This summer, while I'm doing it, you're bitching that I don't use the weed-eater enough.

I wish almost every day that you would die. And if there were a way that I could kill you and not get caught I would do it. In a heartbeat.

So enjoy your remaining few years of having me to control and humiliate and wait on you hand and foot. Because as soon as our youngest is old enough, I am so so gone.

Oh and by the way, you are a fat ass and not nearly as funny as you think you are.

Confession #602

When I met you, I immediately recognized you as a wonderful man. I knew you would be a great husband and father and I couldn't let that go so I married you and over the years you have proven that I was right. But I'm so very far from being attracted to you and our sex is so polite, orchestrated and the same every single time. I make myself have sex with you because I know you expect it and that you're extremely attracted to me and not because I actually want you. My ex-boyfriends used to say I was the best and wildest sex they'd ever had and now I find myself encouraging you to work night shifts because I'd rather use my vibrator than have sex with you. I miss my libido. I know I'm cheating us both out of a passionate marriage, but I really do love you and I know you love the children and me. I could never cheat on you or leave you because I know it would destroy our little family, but sometimes I find myself thinking that something could happen to you on the job and I'd be free to be me again.

Confession #603

You are the love of my life, but nothing sends me into a silent rage faster
than when you decide to watch porn while we are in the middle of foreplay or
sex and have to waste five minutes finding a scene on the DVD or the
videotape. My problem isn't with the porn, it is with the time and it is
with watching you go soft while you find the "right" scene. If you want porn
on while we do it, please cue the damn scene up beforehand and have it
waiting. Watching you search for a scene makes me feel like a prop and makes
me wish I hadn't spent all the time beforehand getting both of us warmed up.
And watching you switch tapes or discs makes me wonder if I should just get
up and get dressed.

If you want the porn on, ask before we get started, or just turn it on as we
get started. Don't ask me and then act like you are only suggesting it for
my benefit. Because unless you already have the scene waiting to go, it is
NOT going to do anything to get me going. I've told you this many times, and
each time you act like it is new information and wonder why I am so cranky
about it. You know which scenes I like, this isn't rocket science or

While I'm at it, you can either complain that I never initiate anything, or
when I do, you can ask why I'm in the mood. You can't do both. If you don't
complain, you can ask me what got me so wet before we came to bed. If you do
complain, don't question why I want it, just slide it in and be grateful.

Confession #604

We've been together for 7 years now and I really want a baby. I know you
said it's not the right time and you don't know when it will be, but I
can't help the way I feel. Sometimes I think about going off my birth
control and not telling you and than letting you think its just one of
those crazy flukes. But I could never be that deceitful to you.

Confession #605

you told me that it will never work because I will never change...Who are you kidding? You were lucky to have me....You, me, and everyone else knows that you are an asshole from hell who has put me through more BS than any human should have to endure at the hands of a "lover". But you know what? You're almost right, I do need to change....The first change will be permantly removing you from my life....thank you for giving me my lightbulb moment....and PS: I really really hope the charge you got for assaulting me sticks, cause maybe you didn't deserve it that night, but there were plenty of nights you did and you deserve to have that one on your record so everyone will know what an ass you really are.

Confession #606

When I married you, I was in love with someone else. I married you because I liked you and believed you were an upstanding man. I didn't allow myself to think about whether I would ever love you as a should. I was correct about your character to an even greater degree than anticipated. I am in love with you now and have been for some time. I know our marriage is not perfect, but most of the time I feel that it is close. I am sorry about the beginning. I could not help the way I felt. Thank you for choosing me in spite of what I suspect you knew.

Confession #607

You are truly a selfish asshole. Just can't seem to give up that need to be a bachelor, can you? I have put up with your drinking. With you being so far gone on whatever drug that I found you in the basement, crouched behind the boiler like a frightened cat. With your staying out all night long, without so much as a phone call. A DUI. Your memberships at Yahoo Personals and some fucked up sex personal site. But I'm the one that is the problem, right? Now, I am pregnant with your child. And I thought you had changed. And last night, you went to the store at 6PM. And came home drunk at 3AM. Who is she? I know...It must suck to have to look at me pregnant. Go to hell. Ladies out there...They don't change.

Confession #608

A part of me believes that you got sick on purpose because you didn't want to have kids.

Confession #609

This weekend I am not going to go to my moms to spend time with family....I am going to be with the man I was in love with since I was 12 and lost contact with for 8 years! I have thought about him everyday, even though we have a wonderful life and child together. I need to be with him.

I am sorry.

Confession #610

I hate your family. I hate your brother. I hate your cousins. I hate your uncle. Most of all I hate your mother. She is rude, selfish, ungrateful and she smells. I hate taking our son over to her house because he always comes out smelling like musty smokey b.o. Just like your mother. I hate when you drive her places in my car because I can smell her when I get in.

I hate that your brother only visits her three times a year, and when he does he might get around to doing 1 small chore for her and even though you are constantly going over there to do real chores for her, she goes on and on and on about how wonderful your brother was to mow the back lawn. What about the weekend before when you put a new roof on her house? I don't even think she said thank you.

I hate that you think she is the most wonderful woman in the world. I hate that we have given her thousands of dollars to "help her out" over the last few years and that even though you went to the bank with her to straighten everything out, she's fucked up her finances again.

I hate that when her car died last year, she made you (she refused to let me, because she didn't want to inconvenience me) drive her to work, while I waited for the tow truck by the side of the road and then had to pay for it myself (remember that? I was 8 months pregnant).

I hate that when we go over to her house for family dinners, she treats your brother's girlfriend and I like shit, while she treats your brother like a King and you like a Prince. Remember last Christmas? When she gave everyone else (including herself) dessert, and "accidentally" forgot to give me a plate? And there was no dessert left? So I had to sit there while you animals eloped down your dessert, pretending that it was alright. By the way, obviously your mother didn't teach you boys any manners, you're supposed to wait until everyone has a plate before you start eating.

Speaking of what your mother never taught you boys growing up (and I WILL blame it on your mother, because both you and your brother are guilty of all these things), you have NO table manners, you lick your plate and your knife when you are done eating, you don't shower daily (you are a grown man with a wife, child and PROFESSIONAL DESIGNATION, get up ten minutes earlier and TAKE A GODDMAMN SHOWER every morning), you don't shave every day, you wait until your hair is long and shaggy and scraggily looking before you will go for your $10 (cheap ass) haircut. You will wear the same clothes day after day and you never even offer to help with the laundry. You never help with the dishes, the vacuuming, the sweeping, cleaning the toilets, nothing. You don't brush your teeth before you go to bed, and you don't brush your teeth when you wake up, you wait until 2 minutes before you leave for work. That's disgusting. And I blame all of that on your mother because your brother is the SAME WAY.

Despite all that bullshit, I still love you and think you are a good husband and father. (But you make me so mad sometimes!)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

True Wife Confessions 60 Seconds:Minute

Confession #591

You know, you were right. I DID go to college so that I could support myself and our children if/WHEN it came time to leave your ass. I'll never admit it to your face, though. Now that college is over and I'm making three times more money than you, I don't want to leave you. I saw how supportive you could actually be during the most stressful time in my life. You raised the kids those three years. Thanks.

Confession #592

I'm afraid for you, and for our family. The war has been hard on you - too many IED attacks, too many injuries and death, too much blood and loss. You're starting to write to me about things that sound like a psychotic break - cameras and microphones in the walls, people always watching you... I'm really afraid that when you get back from this war, you'll be a different person than when you left. We were struggling to stay together before all of that. What will happen with all of this, on top of it? How can I stay if you go back to being as scary to live with as you were before - or worse? But how can I leave if this is just the aftermath of being a solder at war, when I promised to love and support you for better or worse? We've had enough 'worse,' and I need some 'better,' but you're starting to sound a little psychotic. How much can our son and I take?

Confession #593

About a month after we started dating I had sex with a married man that I've known for four years, and I'm so glad I did. Having sex with him was what made me realize how much I wanted to be with you and only you. I love you. You're my heart.

Confession #594

I love you dearly, but playing "good time dad" to that greedy, thankless boy truly diminishes my respect for you. He's so good at dangling that carrot of possibly moving here over your head and you fall for it every time. Face it, he's playing both ends against the middle and you need to stop playing along. You're not helping grow into a respectable man, you're teaching him how to manipulate and use people.

Confession #595

Just because my parents are wealthier than yours doesn't give you the right to assume that you could ask my dad for money every time we need to do something to the house. Go ask your lowlife parents instead. One of the biggest reasons I don't want my dad to reach into his pockets is b/c I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with you. I also just want you to taste the shame in not being able to provide and do the right thing for us. The fact that you had the audacity to lie to your cousins and lead them to believe that you bought me my car makes me want to puke. I'm glad I found out and set the record straight. Now you look like even a bigger ass. You like to walk around like your shit doesn't stink but you're not fooling anyone. Stop playin' yourself. You think you could talk to me the way you do and then go to my father for help? And to even talk to me like that in front of him? You've got balls the size of Montana. And a prick as small as a hamsters. And one day I will let you truly know that. I used to fake every orgasm just to get you off of me. Now, fuck it -- you will know that you are a total failure. I have lost so much respect for you, I don't even care if you cheat on me. At least it would give me a good reason to just leave your pompous ass and to never forgive you. I hate how disrespectful you've become. Not just to me but to this family. Every time you ignore our child I just want to kill you--violently. I love my child more than my own life, but I regret that it was with you. With every fiber of my being. If it wasn't for him, I would've left you a long time ago. The fact that you just got caught whacking off in front of this computer after we fought makes me sick to my stomach. You've added years of stress to my face and to my well-being. I will lose all this weight and work on myself real hard, because someday I plan to take MY child and leave you for good. You don't deserve us. Scumbag.

Confession #596

Last night you told me that I should lose 20 lbs.
I will lose weight when you grow some hair.

Confession #597

I know you say you are allergic to any kind of detergent except Tide and that we MUST purchase Tide. However, what you don't know is that I'’ve been using the same Tide bottle for months and months and refilling it with the store brand.

Amazingly, you haven'’t had any rash or itch whatsoever. So weird.

Confession #598

If you hadn't come into my life when you did I am 100% positive that I would be dead by now. Thank you for giving me my life back, for giving me myself back.

Confession #599

I really want to trust you, but your own actions are making it difficult.And because I still have such doubts and fears, I'm still keeping score. I know where you hid your pills and I know every single day how many are there.People with nothing to hide, hide nothing. The fact that you feel the need to hide them says it all.

Confession #600

Sometimes the crap that comes out your mouth scares the hell out of me when I realize that you are "helping"” raise our daughters. If you can't stop spewing such ugliness I will take them away from you. I refuse to let them grow up around such hatred.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

True Wife Confessions Opus 59 ( Beethoven)

Confession #581

I knew about your secretly planned wedding. I’d bought the dress two months before you told me. Come on, do you really believe that I could find the perfect dress in less than a month? I had it hidden in the back of my closet.

Confession #582

I can’t tell you how many decisions I have let you believe you made yourself. I plant the idea and wait for it to sprout.

Confession #583

When you tell people that you did more work in childbirth than I did, it makes me want to punch you in the face. It isn’t even cute. Yes, I had morphine and was groggy. But I felt every damn thing. I promise you.

Confession #584

When you are away on a business trip, I sleep on your pillows so I can smell you. It helps me sleep.

Confession #585

When I had my wisdom teeth out and you took care of me? True love. Same with when I tore up my knee and you changed all the dressings. That stuff just melts me. Cause you know how much I like to be able to take care of myself, but you don’t let me.

Confession #586

I have let our daughter wake you up when you are hungover. I consider it a parental penance.

Confession #587

Just admit that you have no mechanical skills. Please. It will save us all lots of time and energy. You can’t fix a thing to save your life. Write a grant? Yes. Fix the car? Hell, no.

Confession #588

I find the cigar smoking sexy. And the port drinking. It makes you smell great.

Confession #589

Your daughter tells me the things you tell her not to tell me. There are no secrets with our child. I know about throwing the apple out the car window...and many other things.

Confession #590

I tell my girlfriends everything. Even the stuff you tell me NOT to tell them, I do. They’re my girlfriends. Sometimes we laugh at you and the other husbands. We can’t help it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled TWC for this just in

I just published this on I'm Doing the Best I Can. I rarely editorialize on TWC, but this hit a real nerve in me.


"Truth Hurts People"

This was a comment sent in by an anonymous reader of TWC.

I felt like I'd been slapped when it came into my inbox.

My breathing shortened. My face got red. I felt like a little girl who had just been caught doing something that she had been warned against doing. The same feeling when you told a secret about your family...and realize that it was never meant to be shared or even acknowledged as happening.

Next came my anger at feeling shamed. Who was this person to tell me that I was hurting people? That "Truth" hurts people? Who the fuck were they to pass this judgment?

AS I sat here, feeling enraged, feeling shamed, feeling guilty for something I had done, I had created, it occurred to me.

These are the feelings of a survivor of sexual abuse. One who talks.

I am one of those women. My perp? My biological father. I was ten. He was not the first, as I was quite the favorite of many of my older male cousins ... until I learned that yelling for my mother at the top of my lungs seemed to keep them away. He was not the only abusive man in the family, for my uncles perpetrated against my other female cousins, I later learned.

He was, however, the least expected. My father. The man I adored. The one that I wanted to please beyond all reason. He was the one to sexually assault me. In my house. After my parents had separated.

My mother, thinking she had left this man, and that the damage he could do to my brother and I was minimized never dreamed that he would come for a Christmas visit and bring this sort of catastrophe.

And like almost all young children who experience this, I kept quiet. I had nightmares. I wouldn't be in the same room alone with him during summer visitations. My signals got crossed. The man who was supposed to love and protect me was my abuser.

This became a distinctive pattern as I aged and began to date. I loved the emotionally distant ones. The more they resisted me, ignored me, emotionally abused me? Like candy. When one got me pregnant and emotionally and physically abandoned me? He became the penultimate love of my life. I would have abandoned my education for this man. I would have had this baby at age 20. To please him. To have him choose me. To give me anything, anything at all. My sacrifice was proof of my love, my worthiness of his love, but still he never chose me.

The first time I talked of my abuse was in my therapy sessions. Trying to figure out where my irrational anger and impulsively as coming from as I whirled in crazier and crazier circles, my therapist finally asked me point blank.

And I told her the truth.

And she cried.

To sit in front of your therapist and detail in a flat demeanor the horrors of your childhood, ,and to have her cry as she told me that none of this was my fault? It was honestly the first time that it may have occurred to me the enormity of the impact that this had on my life path. I was not crying. She was. How could I not cry when it had happened to me, and she was weeping simply hearing my dialogue?

Next I told my mother, and she cried and raged and vowed to kill this man. But I did not cry. I had lived with it for nearly nine years. I had hidden and distorted my truth for so long, it no longer resembled anything but a story for me. An experience, much like falling from your bike and scraping your knee. Or being brought into a drug house so your father can use you as a shield in front of his buyer? Or the time your father shot your dogs one winter because they were barking? Or that time he shot the glass out in the car as your mother drove away from the house when you were five? Or the time that he threatened to kill Santa, and took his gun out to the back yard to prove to you that he was serious? Or the time that you were nine and he taught you how to smoke a bong? Or that time when you were ten and he sexually assaulted you on New Years Eve?

You mean everyone doesn't have these stories?

So, "Truth hurts people" commenter, I respectfully disagree. Truth doesn't hurt people, secrets hurt people. The secrets we keep from our loved ones to spare them pain. The secrets we keep from ourselves. The secrets we keep for fear that we won't be liked, or loved, or admired. Maybe the truths expressed at TWC are the first time someone is saying their truth out loud. You don't have to like it. Hell, you don't have to read it, and you don't even have to agree that there should be a place like this to express yourself.

But keep the shaming to yourself. This is what keeps abused people silent. And I, for one, won't shut up to please you.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

True Wife Confessions 58 cents, the lesser known, less successful brother of 50 cent

Confession #571

You make me laugh and you let me wear the "pants". For that I'll never leave you.

You treat our daughter and son like the priceless gems that they are. For that I'll love you forever.

It needed to be said.

Confession #572

I don't think you realize how close I was to leaving you this year. My unhappiness with what we have was all consuming, and I went and found a man from my past who made me feel sexy and gorgeous. While I never physically slept with him, I wanted to. I almost did. Until I asked him to choose me, and he couldn't. I was willing to give up our family, our life together for him.
So I come back to you and I realize that you do choose me. You always have. You decided that I was the wife you wanted and you stay. You support me, you encourage me, you humor me. You allow me the space and time and silence to do all the things I need to do, for my happiness is important to you. Our marriage may not be the most romantic thing, but it is solid, and real. You choose Me, and you always have. That realization has helped me fall in love with you again.

Confession #573

I plan on getting a tattoo by the time I am 40. With or without your permission.

Confession #574

I have hidden good snacks from you. I do feel a little badly, but damn, you eat them all before I can have any.

Confession #575

I'm sorry....
I'm sorry for the way I had to say good bye.
but; face it, you are married & we both have kids.
I was SOHO happy seeing you again, my whole world lit up! I think about you
it's just too bad you are too far away! There were things that I haven't
felt in soo long. I wish they never ended.
my other half has no idea that I still feel like this. Although I wish I
could tell him, what I don't feel much for him anymore.
you are my best friend. I love you! I wish you were here again!
oh did I mention that you are GREAT in BED?! Don't get me wrong I still
love my baby's father, but...
I would do it again if I had to.

Oh did I mention I was with another WOMAN! I'm sorry honey! She did things
to me that u couldn't .. At the time..

Confession #576

Raising your voice to me only pisses me off. And telling me to "Shut up"? Oh, it's on, motherfucker. Sadly, you never learn.

Confession #577

Jessica and I knew we were late for our wedding rehearsal. We had been shoe shopping and didn'’t want to get in trouble. We turned the clock back in her car and her watch so it would seem like we weren't late, only running on sadly incorrect time. You bought it.

Confession #578

The reason I get so uptight about her clothes is because of the teasing I endured as a child. I know, I know. I'm an adult. But that is one thing that she will never have to put up with. Put the Wal-mart coat back, and drive me to LL Bean.

Confession #579

I have occasionally cried to get my own way. It works about 50% of the time. We have a child now because of it.

Confession #580

I am still a little shocked that you actually went through with the Vasectomy. I figured if I saw your bluff and said you could have one, that you wouldn'’t really have it done.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

True Wife Confessions 57th Overlanders Brigade (Rent Firefly, people)

Confession #561

Because you're overweight and refuse to do a damn thing about it, I have been buying fat free cheese and fat free sandwich meats for your lunches. I put the cheese in the regular wrapper that I saved from the last batch of regular cheese that we used up, so that you think it's the usual stuff we buy. You have not noticed the difference in taste, like you always say you would. Odds are it's not enough to make you lose that much weight, but I do enjoy knowing you're eating something you claim to hate so much.

Confession #562

When my daughter told me last night that school starts at 7:55 and ends at 3:15.... Why the hell did you jump all over her and telling her that her ass will be getting on the bus every morning because gas is 3.00 a gal........BUT yet you can run here there and everywhere without a care in the world of how much fucking gas is. You are a FUCKING ASSHOLE for talking to her that way. How can I still love you so much ?

Confession #563

You are away from home working all week long. That leaves me alone way too much. Then you come home and drink your beer all weekend. Saying that it is your pain killer. Your pain killer for what? For me? Am I that difficult to be around? Are your two children that adore you so much too much pain for you?
It kills me that you cannot be around your family without having to drink. It makes me want you not to even come home.

Confession #564

You are a shitty father and everyone knows it. It'’s not a slip of the tongue when I refer to him as "“my son." I mean it. He is mine. I'’m the only one who has ever cared for him. Changed his diapers, taken him for walks, bathed him, fed him and everything else it take to care for a small child. "Babysitting" him for me on the very few occasions I do have to work a few hours on the weekend does not make you super dad. A real babysitter would have done it better. A real babysitter would have actually changed his diapers.

I hate you because of how you have treated me for four years. Thankfully I was smart enough NOT to marry you when I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully I have found the strength within me to leave your lazy, ignorant, low class, fat, trashy ass. How stupid was I to get with you in the first place. At least I have MY beautiful amazing son out of the deal.

My biggest regret is that I can't keep you daughter from you too since you had her with that whore before me. She should be MINE too. I do everything to care for her too. Neither one of you deserve her!

Confession #565

You think I gave up smoking. For the most part, I have. But every once in a while, when you're out of town, or I go away for a night to visit friends, I enjoy a cigarette or two. Don't worry-I have never lit up within 10 miles of our kid. But I do love that feeling of doing something you can't stand, and you not having a clue about it. The urge to do it more often is so great, but I stop myself for fear of being caught.

I didn't wash your work shirts because you didn't put them in the laundry basket. Instead you opted to leave them piled up on the floor next to your side of the bed. Yes, I saw them there-but I thought you could use a refresher lesson on putting the clothes INTO the basket when you want them washed.

Confession #566

I have secretly been taking college courses (you know when you thought I was working late). I will finish my BA this semester. When it is finished, I will leave you. What a great graduation present to myself! And you always thought I was too stupid to graduate from college. Well I am going to, and with a much higher GPA than you had. And I did it while working full time, raising a child, taking care of the house, and keeping it all from you. And you think that you are better than me? I don't think so.

Confession #567

There are days when you drive me crazy, days when you leave me totally in awe of you, days I'm sure I've pushed you to the limit, days I couldn't imagine not having you next me, and everyday I am glad we chose each other. No matter the echoes you hear of us on this page the truth of it is, the difference for us is that I will never give up on you, on us, I never want to leave and I am always proud to have you lead our family. I am proud of the man you have become, and so in love with you. The beauty of echoes is that they give you a moment to reflect and then they fade away. As long as we learn from our reflections I promise we will be better than okay. You are the father I dreamed my children would have. And our daughter is so lucky to have you, and I will make sure she always knows that. So ask me if I wrote this one, it's the confession you deserve. I love you

Confession #568

I cheated on my Husband, not once. but twice. Twice where I had my emotions on the line too. The first was an absolute con job. He came into my life with the distinct goal of not only getting sex, but also getting me involved in some kind of head game that he may have actually believed himself. Who knows, a PSYCHO. I could write a book on him.

Then came the revenge sex. This second affair was never discovered and I never confided in anyone. This one fell in love with me. It was hard to get rid of this stalker.

Affair three. He too pursued me, but this time I was wiser. I definitely sent signals back. I fell and fell hard. We were the talk of the city. No joke. I didn't care. He left a wife with young kids for the passion with me. Affairs, at best, last 18 months. We were right on schedule. I still hate that he broke off with me first. How? He cheated.

Affair 4. The revenge screw. By now you see I am a loose screw. This affair has never been divulged until this day.

I pray every day for forgiveness. Husband discovered number 1 with written proof- back before such a thing as computers. Emotional affair two was discovered because I was blatant. I also admitted it.

Why publish such a seedy confession? Because of this.

I love my husband. I think his love came back after Affair 1. The other affair killed us, Almost. Now we have lots of good sex, and I hope through prayer and deed that he will put me back on that pedestal.

He is a good man as you can see. However, he is not a doormat. I think it is amazing that he too believed so strongly in the marriage covenant, that I was not divorced. I know he more than considered it. I know he sought legal counsel.

Do not give up marriage. It is horrible for family, kids. Marriage is indeed a covenant. I know I have no room to talk, but my marriage means more to me than my kids.

I work every day to show him that I love him. He works harder than I. Last night I had our 2 dogs for a walk in torrid heat. He had worked all day. He came home while I was on my walk. I had not expected him until much later in the evening. He met me in the yard with fresh squeezed Lemonade and took the leashes from me. He also had finished ironing his shirts. I had left the last 2 shirts out because I had not expected him home.

I think his love is coming back. I think he can trust me again in his heart. I do not have to work at remembering what I say because I tell the truth. I give extra blowjobs and I hate blowjobs, always have. Now I swallow.

I hope this isn't too long. I am extremely afraid to e-mail this. But, I haven't seen a confession that advocates Forgiving through such a scenario as I put My Husband through.

And I was with the OTHER Man ON any occasion I could find (the emotional affairs.) Birthdays, Fathers Day, Christmas Eve. It didn't matter to me.

I was evil. I pray hard. Every day, many times per day.

Forgive your man. Some of us take a long time to grow up. Too long. Thank the Lord that I have a Real Man, my wonderful husband.

I love him. A pure love.

Confession #569

I really resent you for never letting me do anything with my friends, or even letting me have friends. I lost so many friends because of you not letting me go out and do things with them, but I would never tell them the truth I would always blame the kids for being sick or something, and in reality it was you who wouldn't let me do a damn thing ever. I hate you for that. I am a person too, and deserve to do fun things in life also.

I was secretively happy and over joyed when I found out you were having an affair on me. I was so happy that I could finally get out of a marriage that was not what I expected or deserved. I know now after counseling that I am a great person and deserve awesome things in life! I really want to thank your whore for taking you away form your family, I am so glad to be rid of you, me and the boys have so much fun and are enjoying life now because you are gone!!! You having an affair was the best thing for us, I got the courage to divorce you and be a free woman and get to do the stuff I want to, and actually go to school and do stuff, I also have friends now who actually care about me. Its so wonderful. I also have the best boyfriend in the whole world now he loves your boys to death and would do anything for them, he is what a dad should be unlike your immature dumb ass who would rather go out and party than spend any kind of time with your family. He love us, and takes care of us in ways you never did, the boys are obsessed with him, and get sad when he hangs out with us, and you have the boys, I have to convince them to go stay at your house every weekend you have them. They would rather stay with me and E because he actually cares for them.

It was also true Karma when you had to get your testicle removed! You aren't a man in any shape or form and having to have your nut removed was like the best revenge ever!!! I couldn't have picked a revenge any better than that! You one nut looser!!!

Confession #570

I resent the fact that you volunteered me to watch your sister's kid (in addition to our own) while she started her new job. In case you haven't noticed, the kid is a royal pain in the ass. I went along with it because I love your sister. However, this does not give you the right to be mad when you have no clean clothes for work, or when dinner is not made when you get home. YOU stay home with the brat and our child for a day-you won't make it to lunch, honey. So close your mouth and load the damn washer yourself.

If we didn't have a child, I would probably drink myself into a stupor most nights. I love you and everything, but sometimes you drive me up a wall. I like the giddy feeling I get when I're easier to tolerate after a few...I even think you're kinda funny.

Friday, August 25, 2006

True Wife Confessions Department 56 ( which creeps me out more than you can know)

Confession #551

I don't think I can make it 322 more days without you. Please come home now. I'm afraid I'll do something stupid if I'm left alone much longer.

Confession #552

Even though we are on the same team, one of these days I am going to stop playing this game. Your business partner is toxic to our life. He is destroying your business, our marriage and even our children. If you don't do something to change this I am taking the girls and leaving you. I refuse to sit and watch this happen for very much longer. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone but I love our daughters more.

Confession #553

I am jealous of that out-of-state ex-girlfriend who talks to you all the time on your computer and sends you text messages over the phone. I know she's depressed and needs a shoulder to lean on, but I also I know she isn't over you. The only reason I never say anything to you about her is that I am still good friends with several men I used to date, some of whom live in town, and you never act jealous at all around me when I talk to them. I really appreciate that.

Confession #554

Our marriage license is not your license to pick your nose in front of me. We have only been married for a few years. Can't you at least try to pretend that you still want to impress me?

Confession #555

You know what bothers me even more than the fact that you don't brush your teeth before you come to bed at night? The fact that even though I've told you, repeatedly, that it turns me off when you try to kiss me with breath that still smells like the dinner we had three hours ago, you STILL don't brush your teeth before you come to bed at night. Telling me that your half-assed thirty seconds once a day brushing program is actually an improvement over the dental hygiene habits you practiced before you met me does not make me find your bad breath any sexier. And stop whining already about how many cavities you get. You wouldn't get so many cavities if you brushed your teeth twice a day, fool.

Confession #556

I am really starting to resent that you never help me with the girls. I work just as hard as you during the day, I have just as much stress as you and yet on top of working 48 hours a week at a day job I am expected to do everything with our children. If I had known it was going to be this bad I might not have agreed to having children. Can't you just turn the damn TV off for one hour and put them to bed. Being a parent means putting your child'’s needs before your own. WAKE UP before it's too late.

Confession #557

You want to know why I roll my eyes every evening when you say you've got to go 'potty', as you put it? First off, I'm not two years can tell me you're going to take a dump, a crap, or 'going to the men's room'. Whatever. Secondly, you take longer to shit than any man I've ever known. Yes, I know you have a book in there that you're reading...but honestly, it is THAT interesting that you'll spend on hour pushing? I know women who have given birth to babies in less time it takes you to take a dump. I get annoyed because while you're in there reading and crapping, I'm trying to calm our child down-our child, who has not seen you all day and wants nothing more than to play with her father...except that he can't get off the shitter. Lastly, you have a's called Irritable Bowel. You get the urge to run and take a dump NO MATTER WHAT you eat. I could feel you dry bread and water, and you'd be jumping up and running into the bathroom...what is up with that? Go see a damn doctor!

Confession #558

That married man whose blog I read who I talk to all the time on the internet? The one whose marriage is in trouble? I really do just talk shop with him about parenting-related stuff most of the time. He did sort of hit on me, hesitantly, once. But I told him to go hit on his wife instead. I would never cheat on you. Not even virtually.

Confession #559

I hate your daughter! There...I said it! I think you know it, too. But it was so nice to finally, after 11 years, tell me that you don't understand why she treats me so bad b/c atleast you see me trying to be nice to her and do the right thing. Finally, instead of making it all my fault. Finally, instead of saying "you're the adult, she's a child" b/c she is NOT a child anymore and hasn't been for a while. Finally, instead of thinking if you acknowledge my feelings you are encouraging me to hate her more. Finally, you confirm what I already knew. She hates me more!

Thank you for saying out loud that nothing I do is good enough for her & she is wrong to hold a grudge against me. Thank you for acknowledging that she only pretends to care about our children, her half siblings. Thank you for admitting she is in the wrong and doesn't give a crap about any of us, not even you.

WOW....I guess I'm not crazy and was right all along. I'm sorry for you that your daughter acts & feels that way. You deserve better and I deserve that you are finally admitting it.

Confession #560

Well, I've had some time to really think about what I want to say to you. And what could I possibly say that would make anything be different? Nothing.

Just, nothing. This situation is not one I can fix. Not now, not ever.

So, just a few choice points:

1. I'm glad you are sorry. I hope that works out for you, really I do. Sorry is a wonderful thing- for the person who has something to be sorry about. Even though you're sorry, I'm still alone and screwed over and hurt and all of those wonderful things. Sorry doesn't do shit for me. It never will. So, OK. Be sorry. Be sorry as much as you want. I really don't care.

2. I don't care if you think you are doing the "right" thing. You are no martyr. What you deem the "right" thing has still hurt me. End of story. Is hurting me the right thing to do? Is it really? Then your version of right is totally fucked up.

3. We aren't friends. We will never be friends. We have never been friends. I TOLD you from the very beginning there is no middle with me. I either love you or I hate you for hurting me. What made you think you would be the exception? None of the people I call my friends would ever hurt me as much as you have been able to hurt me so far. Get that idea out of your head right now. Bury it, do whatever you have to do. I will not sit here and torture myself by attempting to be "just friends". Damn you for thinking we could ever be friends.

God. Just - god. I feel like an idiot. For thinking that I ever mattered to you for one. For ever believing in you in the first place. For thinking that you could possibly be capable of looking out for my interests when all you really cared about was making sure that you didn't have to take any risks for anyone, ever. You waited until I trusted you completely, then you kicked me in the face.

And therein lays the deepest cut of all.

I get to live the rest of my life thinking I wasn't worth it in the end. I wasn't worth the trouble, the risk, the time, I was worth nothing. Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you have a concept of the amount of damage you have done? I don't think you do. This isn't fixable. To think you are justified in screwing with me in this manner is totally unforgivable. I will not forgive you for this- not soon, if ever. ACTIONS matter. Not words. You can flatter me all you want, you can say whatever your brain comes up with, but the bottom line is that your actions did not line up with any of it.

So I'm left here, alone, to think about all of this. To wonder why. To figure out what in the hell I ever did to you to deserve any of this.

In my best interest, leave me alone. Don't call me. Don't write to me, just go away. Hang out with your wife, figure out what you want, just leave me out of it. I'm done.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

True Wife Confessions 55, which I still can't Drive, as evidenced by my weekend in bad driver school

Confession #541

I think living with your parents as an adult ruined you, and I was a fool to become your new mommy. I've become a nag, and I hate it.

Confession #542

I know you didn't want anymore kids, but I did. So I took it upon myself to get off birth control, without telling you, that's when I got pregnant again. Baby #2 wasn't a birth control accident, like I let you believe all these years, I planned it.

Confession #543

Honey, when is the last time you told me I was attractive or beautiful?
Yeah, I can't think of when either. And don't tell me 'oh but honey I *do*
think you're beautiful!' when you stare at porn practically every day.
I don't want to be your last resort. Either realize you've got a good, and
real thing or leave me to chase a fart in the wind.

Confession #544

I confess, I did it. That old ratty concert shirt that you had since high school (20 years ago)? The one with all the holes that is 2 sizes too small for you? It is not lost, I know exactly where it is. I threw it out while you were on your last business trip. At least I don't have to worry about you going out in public with it on and looking like a homeless person with really bad taste

Confession #545

Sometimes, I lay the blame on the kids for things when it's really my fault. I can't help it, it just pops out of my mouth before I think about it.

Confession #546

Don't think I haven't noticed that you manage to get sick/put your back out/have a reflux attack/have a migraine every time it's time for us to pack to move/clean out the garage/set up for your birthday party/help my parents with a big project.

Congratulations! I've finally stopped expecting any kind of help from you. You are now free to sit on your ever widening ass and watch me do everything. I hope you're proud of yourself you lazy asshole.

Confession #547

Honey I am stuck in such a bad depression and I don'’t know how to get out any longer. The only reason I am still alive is I don't trust you to raise our daughters.

I smoke so much because you eat so much.

Confession #548

I know things are stressful for us right now trying to balance our work, the children and the limited funds because of our recent move. I just wanted to tell you that I am really grateful for last night, that was probably the most amazing orgasm I have ever had. You are incredible!

Confession #549

You broke my heart into a thousand pieces when you chose her over me. You were so preoccupied with appearances, you selected a partner you thought would make the ideal wife instead of the one who would have made you happy. When I see you out I feel incredibly grateful it wasn't me who said "I do" because we'd have never made our first anniversary. When I do get married, it will be to someone who wants to be with me, not someone who uses their wife as a security blanket and a built-in baby-sitter so he can go out and hit on every single girl in the bar. Thank you for showing me that rejection can be a blessing in disguise.

Confession #550

Remember that time I stayed home from my night class, because it was a
long drive and I hadn't gotten to study all week anyway, because you'd
been too busy to take care of the baby? Remember how you promised you
would take care of the baby for those three hours that I should have
been in class (less time than you would have had to if I had gone to
class, since I wasn't including driving time!), so I could at least
spend that time studying, to catch up on that week and the next week's

Remember how as soon as we agreed to that, and I sat down with my
books to study, you told me to watch the baby "for a minute" while you
took a hot shower, because you weren't feeling well? And then spent
45 minutes in the shower and went straight to bed because you still
felt rotten?

I was studying so I'd qualify for a job that would pay enough that you
could quit your shitty job. I still haven't forgiven you for pulling
that stunt. You should have taken care of our son for those three
hours, unless you were sick enough to go to the emergency room.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

True Wife Confessions Studio 54

Confession #531

I hate you. I. Hate. You. I mean it, I am not just angry. You have fucked around on me so many times. And everytime I have tried to forgive you. I have tried to have a family with you. When you went to bootcamp, I waited, when you were deployed I waited, and every time I wait it seems there is someone else. Another nasty whore who will sleep with a married man. I raise your daughter with very little help from you. I sold some of her clothes before for formula and diapers when you would rather spend money on beer. No matter what you tell me I am a fucking awesome mother. I used to try to make you happy, I no longer give a damn. I only care about my baby and me. I am only with you until I can make money to support myself and my daughter. Soon, I will not have my heart shattered when I find a condom and a wad of $1 bills. I am numb to it now. Go ahead, tell me again I am fat and lazy, tell me again how stupid I am, tell me again how you don't care about me. GO AHEAD YOU FUCKING SMALL DICK FAGGOT!!!!!!!!! Go burn in hell motherfucker. I. Fucking. Hate. You.

Confession #532

Anal sex hurts. Sometimes for days afterward. I would never ask you to do
something physically painful for my sexual satisfaction. Stop asking and
stop making me feel guilty for not wanting to.

Confession #533

What is your idea of foreplay? It's certainly not mine....Why don't you have one of your ribs removed so that you can suck your own fucking dick if it's so damn tasty...You seem to think I should be doing it every time we have sex...In your mind it is the most enjoyable act for me on the planet. What about me????? No wonder I've turned into a Desperate Housewife --- wishing for someone else to give me the sex I've been dreaming about for 7 years.

Confession #534

I think I need a divorce. It's not that I don't care about you. I do. You definitely love me way more than I love you. Tonight you brought up the 25000 dollar home equity loan again and used it as an excuse for not having enough leverage to buy a piece of property and turn it over into big money...Like it was my fault or something that we couldn't do it. Yesterday you told me I was deaf and blind and had no common sense. What is wrong with this picture?

Confession #535

I read these confessions to remind myself how lucky I am. Yes, you do play your video games. Yes, you do love your football and hockey. I still don't get how you can be the smartest person I know and yet love wrestling and have the worst taste in music. However, I have never done a load of laundry since we've been married and every morning you walk my dog, even though you are not a dog person, so I can get more sleep before I go to work. I could not even begin listing all that you do for me, but those 2 things alone blow my mind. I am a lucky gal.

Confession #536

I hate your son. I really do. I know I told you that I could 'do this' when you proposed. You gave me every chance to get out before we got married. I said I could handle it. Sometimes I just can't. I know he has mental problems. Bad ones. But lots of times it's just an excuse to be a dumb-ass. I hate how you can bitch and bitch about him. But if I say anything and voice my frustration - then you immediately defend him and attack me.

I am dreading next week. He comes back from summer vacation with his worthless mother. I hate that he's coming back. That's why I'm depressed.

Two more years of school - then he's out. That's it.

And you KNOW that I will not consider having a child with you until he's gone. He will NEVER be around a child of mine. This makes me so sad - especially since I'm finally feeling like I want to have a baby. And I won't.

Confession #537

Sometimes for brief fleeting moment I forget that I am married to the
worlds biggest moron.
If the boys weren't so young, I'd have left years ago.

Confession #538

I often wish I'd never had a child. I know I'd be thrown to the lions if anyone ever heard me say that, but it's true. The few people I've said it to have gone all "oh but you'd miss him" on me. Well, of course I would miss him if he left tomorrow, but if I'd never had him at all, I wouldn't know what I was missing, would I? And if I'd never had him, I wouldn't be trapped in an abusive relationship that I thought I'd gotten out of. There is no "getting out" when you have a child together. The law makes sure of that. You're stuck with them forever. And I know it's wrong to blame that on a child, and I don't--I blame it on the fact I was ignorant enough to have a child in an abusive relationship. I also hate that my life will never be "mine" again. I hate that I will forever be worried about another person the way I worry about my child, and that I will spend the next several years worrying about whether or not I've fucked him up so badly that he will never have a normal life. I hate that I can never be the mother I wish I could be, and that he deserves. I just don't have it in me. I'm selfish and I have problems, and I should have realized my limitations and not given in to the pressure to procreate.

Confession #539

It was me who scratched the SUV !! I backed out of the drive way and hit the garbage can that YOU left setting there for over a week

Confession #540

To my ex-husband:

Confession 1: I lied when I told you that, because we live in different states, the child support payments had to go through the court. It was my decision. I chose to do it that way because I knew you wouldn't pay it if I didn't get it before you could spend it. You've proven me right this summer by changing jobs and not letting your new employer know "for a few months because you needed to catch up on a few bills."

Confession 2: I also lied when I told you that I would try to talk the county attorney out of go after you for the payments that you missed. While you were off "catching up on a few bills", which in your world apparently means buying a new truck and goodness knows what else, I was struggling to make ends meet while at the same time buying school supplies and paying school dues for this coming school year.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

True Wife Confessions 53 Herbie the Love Bug's Number

Confession #521

To my beloved.. You were and still are the love of my short life. I honestly think we were meant to be. Like we promised that one evening on the Ferris wheel.. We were soulmates. But you couldn't take the pain and handle the separation when I went off to school and when I couldn't afford to come home as often as I wanted to. I feel like you blame me. That look in your eyes.. When I mentioned I was working with a guy on a project... I never left you. I loved you with all my soul.. but.. You gave up on the love we had. I'm sorry I wasn't meaningful enough.

And to the young man I'm seeing now.. I'm sorry these feelings for the other still exist. It hurts me too when you talk about her too.. But that's how and why we meant. I know you will always love her, and I'm okay with that. I want to fall in love you. I worry that I'm not because.. Again, It's a distance relationship. Then I smile and think about how I put up with your pro-wrestling obsession because it makes you happy.. And your happiness makes me laugh and smile.

Confession #522

I think about him everyday, even though it's been more than two years since I've seen him and longer than that since I kissed him. The worst thing about having an affair and deciding to stay with you isn't the guilt, which at times was overwhelming. It's knowing that there is something--someone--else, someone who is smart and funny and passionate about a cause, someone who could have a job making tons of money but chooses to work for a non-profit because he wants to make a difference, someone who makes me laugh, someone I respect, someone who made me feel like I was the most incredible person in the world. One time, he cut a picture of flowers out of a magazine and put them on my desk because "everyone deserves flowers." Funny thing is, I don't think I'd want him now if I was single, but I can't get him out of my head. I fantasize about running into him somewhere, wishing for it, hoping for it, to see how I'd feel after all this time because I've come to realize that though I might not want him, I know I don't want you.

Confession #523

Even though we've been divorced for nearly six years, I still can't manage to get you out of my life. You were evil enough to trap me into violating a court order that I didn't even know about so you could take our son away from me. You managed to ruin my finances, my future, my sanity all for the sake of winning a war I wasn't even fighting with you.

And today I just received another court date so you can try to get more money from me when I don't even make 25% of your yearly salary. Are you out of your mind? What more do you want from me? You have our son, my money, and even though we have joint custody of him, you make all of the decisions. The only thing left is my life.

I hate you more than any one person should have that emotion in them and pray every day that you get run over by one of the trains you work on because you and your family are so fucked up that my son is traumatized by your incessant need to keep up with the Jones'. I cringe at the thought of all the abuse I never reported and hope that you don't poison our son with your filth. I mean who would stay married to a man who confessed he's bisexual?

I have no idea how on earth I managed to get myself into this vulnerable and screwed up position but I guarantee when I get out of it, you will be just like the rest of the scum on the earth and be rotting somewhere in hell.

Confession #524

Last night, when you smiled at me and told me that I was beautiful? You repaired alot of things. Keep it up and I might put my wedding rings back on.

Confession #525

I'm sorry because I've tried to cry and be sad about what I've done, and I can't. I feel the sobs inside of me, and I can't seem to bring them out.

The other night, when you left for poker? The night that I asked you if you even wanted to stop by the house before you went? I was waiting for your friend to stop by - yes, that friend that you are thinking of. He was waiting for me to give him the signal to come by. Its only the first time and he has now made it clear to me that it was the last.

He has decided that we will forget what we did. I can't. I think about it everytime you and I make love. I am imagining that you're him, and remembering the things he did to me.

I love you with all my heart. I just can't stop thinking about your friend. And I'm scared by that. I'm scared because he doesn't want it again and told me that it was beyond wrong. I'm scared because I want to be with you both and this has never happened to me before. This is only something other people do.

I love you. But I'm scared of it.

Confession #526

I love that you're so hairy because it makes me feel less self-conscious about how hairy I am.

Confession #527

You don't know that I posted a profile on an adult website and have been dating, and sleeping with, some of the men I've met online while you've been gone. They treat me better, have more respect and consideration for me, than you have in a very long time.

I got flowers for my birthday. From a man I hadn't even met face to face. I got flowers, cards and visitors when I was in the hospital. From men I've only chatted with or only had dinner with. I actually got to go see a movie! Not a kids' movie. A grown up movie. I get to go dancing. They're more concerned with what I think of them when they dance with me than what all the strangers at the club think of them when they dance. You should try it sometime.

Did you know sex can last longer than 10 minutes?! Did you know I actually am capable of having an orgasm?! Did you know it's possible to sit and just snuggle/cuddle, even all night, without it having to result in intercourse? Snuggling for the sake of snuggling. Touching just for the enjoyment of feeling someone's body next to you. Kissing for kissing's sake and not an item on the checklist of "to do before sex".

Did you know I'm more important than a video game? Or a TV show? Well, at least somebody thinks so. And now I realize it too. And I realize how incredibly miserable I've been. And I realize it's not all my fault.

Last time. Last chance. Going to counseling means more than one visit. If you really want to fix things with us, prove it. Make the appointments with the counselor. Go to them. Work on things. It can't be all on me to do it. It has to be both of us. I'm already half way out the door.

Confession #528

If I do decide to divorce my husband, what's to say that you will be any better? What's to say that you won't leave me like you did 15 years ago? I may not be thrilled in my marriage, but you'll need to work a hell of a lot harder to get me to trust you enough to take that risk. What's more? I am already more in love with you than I care to admit. I never stopped, just tucked it away somewhere.

You scare the shit out of me and thrill me in ways that I can only barely discuss. I fear telling you any of this, as I don't want to seem weak.

Confession #529

Sometimes when I am mad at you, I fart on your pillow. I know it's immature but it makes me feel better knowing that it may still smell when you lay your fat head down.

Confession #530

I want to have a baby more than I want to be married to you.

I tell my friends that I don't want to, because I'm so fucking tired of wondering what's wrong with me that you don't want to have a child with me.

If you won't give me a baby, I will leave you. I've been telling you that for a year and a half, and I'm not fucking kidding.

Monday, August 21, 2006

True Wife Confessions 52 Pick Up

Confession #511

Sometimes I think I hate you, When we were first married I loved you more than anything. Everytime you yell at me,push me down, or insult me I love you less. I hate that you don't love me enough to stop hurting me. I hate that you treat me like that in front of our daughter. Our daughter is the only reason I'm still with you.

I look at other men and daydream that I am with them. I am waiting for a great man to ask me (with our daughter) to leave you so I can be with him. I feel like I will never escape, you will always be there questioning me, smothering me, making me hate you even more. I feel that I will never get the chance to feel in love with someone again.

Confession #512

When you cancelled out on my Birthday 3 years ago because of work, I lied and said it was okay. When you forgot last year, I lied and said it was okay. My birthday is the day after tomorrow and we have tickets and plans with friends...and you just left me a voice mail saying you had to back out.
For the past six months you have promised to come with me to my chemo and radiation treatments. You have never made it. I always tell you its okay. That I don't care.
Its not okay anymore. And I do care.
When I do decide to call you back I will be ending things with your selfish, lying, manipulative ass.

Confession #513

I did the right thing today. I told him no and walked away. I just couldn't bring myself to break your trust again like I used to. So, you should know I am faithful and today I did the hardest thing possible. I told him no and I was true to you. I love you. I loved him, but I love you. And I told him no.

Confession #514

When your oldest daughter from your first marriage flipped her car resulting in the death of your beautiful grand-daughter, I wished it was her that had died? I can't express enough how thankful I am that both your daughters have stopped contacting you... I love you honey but your kids don't deserve you.

Confession #515

I was going to do the "right" thing and stay with you until our son had grown up. But then I noticed that he was turning out just like you. Since there is no woman on this earth that deserves to put up with your emotional abuse and utter crap, I am leaving you. Not today, but very very soon. I could put up with a lousy husband, but not a lousy father. He deserves better than that.

Confession #516

I know my last name begins with E. I know that my deceased mother's first name begins with E.
But that E tattoo I bought myself for my birthday last year, stands for the greatest lover I ever had.
And "hE" still is.

Confession #517

You are my best friend. I love you with all my heart. I hate this war and the fact that you have to be there. Please be careful. I have to say something but I would never say it to you: I am so afraid that you will get killed out there. I am so lonely without you and knowing you are thousands of miles away and people are shooting at you and trying to kill you! I am so sick inside when I think of that! Please be safe. Please come home to me in one piece. Last time you went there, you got hurt pretty badly. I can't believe you went back, though I understand it's your duty. But hopefully, someday, it will be your duty to come home and make a beautiful family with America. I love you with all my heart. I am so grateful and so thankful for your service and your courage. But please, don't get killed. I need you.

Confession #518

I only married you because everyone told me not to.

Confession #519

Dear husband, tonight I got a tattoo. I know you think they are a waste of money but I wanted it. You are asleep in our bed as I write this. All my friends knew I was doing this.. I don't know how to tell you

Confession #520

When we met 11 years ago, you had no money, a shitty job, and a pile of credit card debt. But you were trying to get it together, and I spent three years helping you pay off the cards. We lived in a crummy place in a scary neighborhood, and slowly built a more comfortable life. We had kids, and I left work with your blessing. I guided our prematurely-born, disabled son through a maze of doctors and therapists for him to progress to a point where his disability is virtually undetectable. And now you are (again) bugging me to spend $5K that we don't have on a stupid third car that you want for a hobby? And you want to finance it??? Whatever happened to us living within our means? And now when I put my foot down about it, you act like a petulant 9-year-old and start suggesting I get a job so you can buy your toys? And then you mention that you wish you hadn't gotten married? Buddy, same here. You have no idea the line you have crossed, as you are out now with your buddies. I am here at home with the "D" word heavy on my mind.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

True Wife Confessions Area 51

Confession #501

Last night, when you told me that I was more important then money and your job? When you told me you no longer cared about work so much? When you told me that you are willing to move to Europe with me? When you told me that my dreams had been on hold for long enough? When you told me that our son meant the world and everything to you? When you told me that you realized that I was ready to walk out on you? When you told me that you are a jackass for not seeing that you were "suffocating your precious butterfly" and "are sorry for clipping my wings for so long"?

that was the most redeeming moment in our entire relationship and I love you for it.

Confession #502

When I gained 75 lbs from pregnancy, I could tell you were repulsed by me. What a hypocrite you are. Now I have lost those pounds plus 5 more. What do you have to say now? Here is what I have to say. Practice some self control you FAT ASS!

Confession #503

you're such an ass, I don't know why I bother...No really, you fucking suck at life...Oh yeah if you grab my tits or crotch again you might just be picking yourself up off the floor...No its not a turn on and neither are need to brush your teeth...And you know what, I really really don't give a damn about your needs anymore cause you have never cared about mine...I have needs too and they aren't sexual...How about how I needed you to be with me while I was pregnant with both of our daughters..hmm the first time you were hooked on drugs and the 2nd time you were hooked on an ugly ass rat faced anorexic home wrecking fact everytime i have ever really really needed you to be there, needed to be able to count on you, you were gone like your ass was on fire, except for the time our daughter was in the hospital, but you were gone again the day she got out and nowhere to be found when she was sick before they found out was a good show yeah fuck you and your needs....and finally (although i could go on for days) DO NOT TRY TO DISCIPLINE OUR DAUGHTER when you wont even stay in her life consistently. Prove yourself as a worthy father, a good dad, and then you can play that part, but until then, i will handle it and if you don't like the way I handle things then FUCK OFF cause i do it ALONE and I do the best I can and so help me God, if you EVER spank her, I will kick your no good ass all over the damn house...You don't deserve them and you don't deserve me and if you really want us then you need to spend the rest of your life making up for the bullshit you have put us through and never put us through anymore..How it is possible to hate and love someone so much at the same time?

Confession #504

I love you to pieces, but is it really necessary to silently fart if I am walking behind you and then giggle when I gag? I know we both have a sick sense of humor, and that's of the many reasons we get along and love each other, but if you do that one more time I am going to throw up on you,Youu crop-dusting ass.

Confession #505

I really appreciate how much you put up with me. You help carry my baggage and you shouldn'’t have to.

Your patience with me sometimes is astounding and I am really, really, really thankful for that.

Having a man that understands your freak-outs and your insecurities and still loves and accepts you is one of the most lovable, incredible, and sexiest things ever.

Thank you bubaloo. xoxo

Confession #506

I cannot understand how you think you are a clean person if you don't use soap. Who takes a shower and doesn't use soap? Why even waste the water? I also hate your feet. They gross me out.

Confession #507

You are a waste of human flesh. All those years I spent supporting you, paying the bills, loving you. You never loved me back. Cheating on me since the beginning. I know about them all. Being perpetually unemployed while I went to work every day. Paid all the bills and made ends meet while you took every opportunity to spend what was left and run up the credit cards. You, motherfucker, had a baby with some 22 year old at the same time that we had our son together, you son of a bitch. And then as if all that wasn't bad enough, as if you felt justified in cheating and withholding affection, love and time from your family you started to hit me. Not only hit me but hold me hostage and terrorize me. I actually thought you would kill me. Well, fuck you. I got to the phone, I called the police and they took your sorry ass to jail. And then I moved my stuff and my son far away and you will never see us again. I hope you suffer for the rest of your life.

Confession #508

It makes me heartsick that my abusive, loser of a first husband had me when I was young and thin... and you get me 60 lbs heavier and 10 years older. I love you so much, that I would die if you ever found out that that S.O.B . still has more say in how I view my body than you do. This is the real reason that I am starting to exercise and be more careful what I eat. You treat me like a queen and tell me I am beautiful with your words and actions... I am going to start acting like a queen. I am beautiful.

Confession #509

I've been fucking your brother for the last year. Odds are, our son is actually his.

Before that, I was fucking your best friend and his wife, and still do on ocassion.

I have never been faithful to you, even before we got married. You are a good man and a decent father and provider, but you simply have no idea what to do in bed. I would rather mastubate with a cheese grater than have sex with you.

Confession #510

I look at you and thank god everyday to have a husband like you. You are a wonderful father to our two girls and when I see you playing with them my heart melts. I also do appreciate the foot rubs at night because you completely understand that it's not easy being 7 months pregnant. You are the glue to our family.

Friday, August 18, 2006

True Wife Confessions 50 Ways to Leave your Luv-ah

Confession #491

To my ex mother-in-law:

Your precious first-born son, the one you think is so perfect, the one you think is the most wonderful being on the planet?
He's actually the most selfish, inconsiderate, immature person I have ever met in my life.
You're part of the reason we split up. YOU raised him to be that way.
Maybe you aren't such a great mom after all.

Confession #492

I don't know what I did to get so lucky, but you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You have put up with so much, and you have been such a rock for me. I don't say it enough, and you probably need to hear it more, but without you, I would never have made it this far. You are a special man, and a great dad, and I thank you for standing by us, when you could easily have walked away. I have always said your worst quality was your ridiculously poor memory, but on second thought, it is probably what has kept us together for so long!

Confession #493

Honey, I really truly don't mind your little porn habit. Sometimes you find stuff that's really hot, and on the rare occasion when all the stars align and The Boy goes to sleep early, it's fun to watch it together. But why, by all that's holy, do you have to set your stupid filesharing programs looking for the stuff every single night? Don't you know I have insomnia? I can't always go back to sleep after The Boy nurses, so I get up to read/update my blog and just have some alone time at the computer without someone hitting me with Duplos or shoving Dr. Seuss books into my spine. I Do Not Want to read my email at less than dial-up speeds because you are downloading five thousand little clips from some obscure butt-fucking video, okay? Stop. It. Download the crap during the freakin' day while you are at work. Chances are I won't have any time at all then to be on the computer anyway, because I'll be too busy cooking, potty training, doing laundry, cleaning the damn house, and removing the fucking books from my spine to even sit down. Give me a freakin' break, already.

Confession #494

I hate your computers. I don't believe or even care that they are part of your job anymore. Honey, you sell computers. You install software. You don't write code, so why, why, why do you need the latest and greatest for your job? I hate that you have to have dual core whatever chips, and whatever-the-fuck front side bus speeds, and more RAM than God in the desktop. I hate that you have to have a really expensive laptop every couple of years. I really, really fucking hate from the bottom of my heart that the spiffy end all and be all of laptops that you absolutely HAD to have last year for your birthday, the one that they had on sale at the day after Thanksgiving sale, the one that necessitated my getting up at two a-freakin'-m and going to stand in the long ass line at the local electronics store with our baby wrapped up in the sling and nursing while I stood in line freezing my ass off for about four freakin' hours, was just not good enough and you traded it in less than six months later. Buy your own fucking laptop next year. Better yet, do without.

Oh yeah, and I hate talking about them too. I don't know what all that crap means, and I really don't care. Just let me take care of our child in peace. Talk to me about how things went at work, or world events, or our baby, or anything that's in English.

Confession #495

You are the nicest guy I ever went out with. I knew I got lucky. Your accomodating nature was such a nice change of pace. The fact that I knew I could always rely on you was one of the biggest things that attracted me to you. That, and your bizarre sense of humor that was so scarily like my own. You had confidence then, yet for some reason after three years of marriage, it's gone. Your backbone has softened, you automatically go into defense mode when I ask you a question, and you don't do anything unless I ask you to do it. You hug me and kiss me and tell me you love me everyday, and I know you mean it more than I could possibly know. I love you too, but I want that guy back, the guy I fell in love with. I adored him. I don't know where he went, but I miss him... I miss you...

Confession #496

You saved me. I was on a self-destructive path. You recognized that and were willing to reach out to me. Not only did that start our relationship, but it put an end to what would have proven to be my misery. Maybe you didn't so much save me as help me find the strength to save myself, holding your hand along the way. You were the first person I ever told. When I told you my awful truth, you didn't run. You held me. You let me cry. You wanted to protect me, but you recognized that I needed the strength to protect myself. It was only through your love that I found that strength. I'm terrified to think about what my life would be like if we weren'’t together. I am in awe of you. I am so very thankful for you. I love you.

Confession #497

Just because I work in sales and you work at a job that holds you in one location from 8-5 does not mean that I am your personal errand girl. I AM WORKING!!! Yes, I am in the car. Yes, I drive all over town. Yes, I work out of the house. None of those things mean that I have time to run to the bank for you, run to the post office for you, run to the dry cleaner for you, and most of all, run through the drive thru for you cause you are 'really busy and don't have time to take lunch'!!! You seem to think that I have time to drop everything and do your bidding because I am in the car. Just so you know, I only run those errands for you because I would rather go out of my way than have to listen to you whine when I get home. And you wonder why I am mysteriously NEVER available lately when you call in the middle of the day. Oh, and the text message requests to run errands? Fuck you. No, I didn't forget my phone at home three days straight last week. I just didn't want to run around for you

Confession #498

I know you read true wife confessions. I know that you are looking for mine.

Confession #499

Sometimes I wake up in the night to watch you sleep, and I can'’t breathe because I love you so much. I wish I could tell you, but you don't trust the words, so I know it would only unsettle you to hear me say it. So I keep the house as clean as I can, spend hours cooking your meals, keep your sock drawer full of folded socks and love your child as much as I love my own. I hope it shows half of how much I love you, because I hear your love me when you say "thank you"” so often. You'’re wonderful!

Confession #500

I don't know if I can forgive you for letting me down when our son was born. You wouldn't read any books with me. You refused to go to a Bradley or Lamaze class with me, and you barely paid attention to the hospital based class we did go to. At least, if you did pay attention it didn't show. You obviously didn't learn anything from it. You refused to let me hire a doula because we didn't need it. But then you didn't step up to the plate and deliver. Because when the fucking asshole of an on-call obstetrician pushed a million fucking interventions at me that you knew damned well I didn't want and probably didn't need, you didn't stand up for me. Women in labor are vulnerable. I needed you there to protect me, not to play poker with our friend that stopped by. Not to sleep while I was in the tub trying to deal with the back labor. A back rub would have been nice. Not to eat pizza with your brother in front of me while the damned hospital nurses wouldn't let me eat anything despite the fact that I went without solid food for almost two fucking days. Not to play fucking video games on your GameBoy. I'd like to shove that GameBoy up your ass, you know. When it predictably ended up in a cesarean section for failure to progress, I was in tears and I felt like a fucking failure. I feel like I was raped and everyone stood around watching and no-one called the cops. Including you.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

True Wife Confessions 49 strings on a harp

Confession #481

you promised me that we would have kids. Now you "aren't sure anymore". Listen here, I told you if you didn't want kids it was okay, but I wasn't going to marry you. You PROMISED. I expect you to follow through. If I would have known you weren't going to keep your word I would have married David when he asked. Yeah, he didn't have a job then, but he does now and he was ready to have babies with me. I will leave you before I give up my desire to be a mother. Oh, and David? He is still single. How do I know? I meet him for coffee once a week.

Confession #482

Get some new stories to tell already. My father, who suffers from the same problem, has begun to comment to me that he has heard them all. When he has heard them all, the rest of us have heard them 10 times each.

Confession #483

I know you love me more than anything and that your doing the best you can.
I could never understand that hell that is the depression you are currently
experiencing or the agony of trying to get the right medication combination.

but ...

this morning when you were screaming and smashing your head into the wall
and telling me how you just wanted to die all I could think was "it is 3am
.... I have to be up in 3 hours ... I haven't slept for days". and then I
wished with all my might that you would just kill yourself. You are breaking
down and you are taking me down with you. And then when I had got enough
valium in you to make you fall asleep and as you were drifting off, you
apologised. You told me all you wanted to do was take care of me rather than
the other way around. I was so ashamed of myself. Now it's me that wants to

I love you so much. I hope you get better soon, too. For your sake and mine.

Confession #484

I can still count on one hand the number of times I have burst into tears during the three years we have been married. So it's not like it's a daily occurance that you have to deal with. Only once have you ever acted like you even might care just a little. I don't expect you to fix the problem right there and then. Just act like you might give a shit.

Confession #485

I wish you would go out with your friends more often. I LIKE having the house to myself every now and then. I can read or work on crafty stuff without you pestering me to be done. I can watch HGTV, Bravo, the Food Network and even those sappy movies on Lifetime without you commenting like a jackass.

Confession #486

I have been cheating on you with a man I work with for a few years before our marriage broke down. This man was a much better lover than you and turned me on more that you ever did. He was also much more well endowned that you are and gave me more satisfaction. I don't regret it one bit because after all why should I be faithful to a man who puts his mummy dearest before his wife.

Confession #487

I know I fucked up when I married you this year. I felt sorry for you and I wanted you to be able to get your papers to live in this country and make a life for yourself. I'm sorry that you love me as much as you do. I try to piss you off as much as possible hoping that one day you snap and leave me. I can't bring myself to do it. I'm still in love with my first love and I've recently talked to him and there's hope that we might get together again. I'm sorry, I really am. I wish you would screw up and quit being so fucking nice and loving. Any woman in their right mind would want you but I just don't love you.

Confession #488

Now that I am in the process of filing for divorce, I wish I left you years
ago when we first started dating. You cried and begged me to stay. I know
now that it was a sign of your weakness and not of your love.

The only bright spot is the little boy you helped create, not raise. He is
the best, most wonderful thing in my life. I've stayed this long because of

Please leave us forever, as it'll do us all a huge favor.

Confession #489

I know the exact moment I knew I HATED your mother.When she sent me the email telling me that "sending a thank you note after our wedding was protocol and standard etiquette in your family and expected through out the world.So if you have not sent out your Thank You notes to your guests please do so now." seven months after our wedding and like I was raised in a barn.Because her sister told her that she had not gotten one from use. Even though the week after our wedding your mother hounded us everyday asking if we had sent out our thank you notes until I told her the very day we put them in the mail that we had. So she knew we had sent them! But instead of asking why that one single person out of the 50 that attended did not get one, because lord knows it wasn't simple human error, she wrote the most passive aggressive email that in a sense let me know that when she sees me I can almost hear her think "My son should have done better".
I just didn't know that when I started crying after reading the email and showed you what it said you would walk off into the kitchen and put put around until you could hear me not crying and then walk in and offer a half hearted hug and an explanation that your mom has always been like that and I shouldn't let it bother me. That along with knowing the exact moment I hated your mother would be the same moment I started a clock in my head counting down to when I might leave you.I probably won't because I'm carrying your son.

Confession #490

Four years before we "met" at a mutual friend's party, we had gone on a blind date set up by this mutual friend. You remember every detail of that date, what I wore, etc. I claim to remember nothing at all, I say I don't even remember going on the date. I lied. I remember. I just say I don't remember because it is easier than admitting how much of a snobbish bitch I was. I was too wrapped up over your acne problem to give you a fair chance, too busy staring at your face to notice what a gentleman you were. That is why I never answered your calls. Because of my snobbery and shallowness, I spent the next three years in a relationship with a hot guy whose favorite past time was beating the living shit out of me instead of in a relationship with wonderful you. When I met you again at that party and you treated me so nicely after what I did to you, I felt ashamed. And now that you are the handsome one and I am overweight and frumpy after giving birth to two kids, you could do the same thing back to me, but you don't. You are the only thing that makes me feel like a woman, you tell me every day how beautiful I am, and when we are in the mall and girls check you out and you just smile and put your arm around me, I melt. Not to mention the fact that you are an AWESOME father, you let me sleep in EVERY day while you get up with the girls, you change more diapers than I do, and you cook dinner every night after working all day, all the time telling me to relax. I will never, ever, ever judge anyone ever again based solely on their looks. I hope you can forgive me.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

True Wife Confession 48 Hours

Confession #471

You know how the dog begs at the table? And we both agreed that the begging
must stop? And you said you would train him, but I couldn't sneak food to
him behind your back because you didn't want to be the bad cop to my good
cop? Yeah, I feed him all the time behind your back. He totally loves me
more now. Sorry.

Confession #472

Thank you for telling me that I'm "hot" when I express self-doubt.
Thank you for telling me that I'm hot when I wear my glasses.

Thanks, especially, for telling me that I'm hot "on the inside," and that
that's what matters to you most.

Confession #473

If you scratch your back with my good knives again I will scream! It's gross.

Confession #474

Dear ex:

Does your current wife know that you were calling me while you two were
dating? Do you remember saying "But it's just not as good?" A year later
and you were married. Doesn't it strike her (and you) as peculiar that
there are so many similarities between her and I? (I won't mention them
here, because I'd feel terrible if she ever came across it -- they're
specific and you probably remember the incidents I'm talking about.) I feel
so damn bad for her, and I really keep hoping that it's working out for you
two, and that you've learned to be kinder. I'm not all that, and I'm not
trying to set myself up as some paragon... it just seems very strange. I
bump into you guys frequently, and I always wonder, and I find myself hoping
that she's happy....

Confession #475

I am sad and angry beyond words that your pot-smoking never stopped in all the years we've been married. We've had so many fights about it I've stopped counting. Your reasoning and casual attitude about it steps way over the boundry lines of what I have ever thought was ok. I compromised my own morals because I love you so much. I hate myself for it....and I'm resentful to you because of it.


Confession # 476

I don't love you anymore. I know when we had our "heart to heart" a few weeks ago that I told you I was okay and I'm better, but I'm not, my feelings haven't changed at all. I want to be out of this marriage. You are a good father and we have fun together and we still laugh a lot, but that's not enough for me, I'm just not in love with you. I feel like I'm leaving for the wrong reasons sometimes, but at the same time I feel like I'm staying for the wrong reasons too. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life either. I don't think I'll ever have the life with you that I want and honestly I knew that from the very beginning. I don't think I am your equal and I really don't think you are happy with me either, but I don't know your reason for staying. When you told me a while back that you had more reasons to leave ME than for me to leave you, that pretty much sealed the deal for me. I know I have my faults too and I've done things that have hurt you, so I'm not putting all of the blame on you. I've just grown up and my heart has changed and I wish I could do this without hurting you or anyone else.

Confession #477

I hate you right now. If you offer to help, then help. Do it without the grudging silence and short answers. You make it really hard to appreciate what you do around here when you suck all of the joy out of the house. You are no fun whatsoever anymore. I am screaming inside at the silence. Like I said, I hate you right now, in spite of the fact that I really do love you.

Confession #478

I am so thankful that you decided to get off your lazy, alcoholic ass and abandon the kids and I two months ago. Life hasn't been this good in 5 years, thanks to you. You spent those years emotionally abusing me because you made the decision to move with me, 1200 miles away from your emotionally unstable family. Stop blaming everyone else and treating everyone else like crap for your own decisions. When will you ever grow up? You cheated on me with a fat slob from your job, and I decided to bite the bullet and stay in the relationship. I tried for a year to work on things with you. Little did I know you were busy being a closet alcoholic. I found your liquor bottles hidden all over the house, and your urine filled beer bottles under your desk. You lazy pig. You think that moving back with your parents is going to change you? Change of scenery maybe, but you'll never change. And don't threaten me one more time to steal the kids from me because I will have your stupid ass in jail before you can say "you're an evil bitch" one last time. You said that you only stayed with me so that you could be around the kids you supposedly love so much. So, why haven't you called them for weeks? They are 4 years old, you moron. They hurt. I hope the whore you are sleeping with that works for your father gives you some sort of nasty disease that makes your pathetic-excuse-for-a-genitalia turn black and fall off in your hand as you masterbate in the shower. PIG.

Confession #479

For gods sake. You are a mechanic by trade. Don't you think that you could change the oil in my car without me nagging you to do it for 6 weeks or an extra 1000 miles? Either that or show me how to do it. I would do it if you would just show me how. And when you DO wait that extra 1000 miles, don't bitch at me that it is supposed to be done every 3000. I have been telling you that it needed be done for over a MONTH now. I would go to Jiffy Lube, but the last time I gave up on you doing the oil change and went there you FREAKED OUT!

Confession #480

The closest I ever came to commiting violence against another person was
with you.

You used to say that "make-up sex is the best," and that time we "made up"
after I was sure you cheated on me... I was on top, and I looked down at
your closed eyes and ecstatic expression, and I had an instant vision of
slapping you across the face as hard as I possibly could while fucking you.
The contrast of those two actions, real and imaginary, scared me so badly.
It was very powerful, and I hope I never feel that way about anyone again in
my life.

I'm so glad I was able to walk away for good.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

True Wife Confession 47 Milo Rambaldi's favorite number

Confession #461

n the month and a half since we've moved, you have done the laundry once and only because I told you that you weren't getting any until you did. You did one load and left the second in the washer for over a week, a fact which I discovered this morning. So, from now on, I'm only doing my laundry.

I dislike how I have to harass you to do chores. Yes, I know you'll get to them eventually but it shouldn't take a week to wash the dishes!

One of the reasons I am so nervous about the idea of having children with you in the future is because right now, even though we only have one pet, a cat, you never ever hear her whine at night. So it's only me who ever gets up to check on her and see why she is being so annoying. If we have a baby and I am the only one who ever gets up to check on it, I swear to god I will leave you. I cannot be in a relationship where the responsibilities of child-rearing are not shared equally.

Confession #462

You're a fucker. I hate it that you say because our daughter is a lesbian that she will not be welcome in our house when she is "grown up". How do you think that will make her feel?? Do you honestly think I would not make our daughter feel welcome?! FUCKER! Remember this darling husband, YOU can be replaced, she cannot. This is my house too. Did I mention you were a fucker?

Confession #463

Tonight, when I was bent over, picking up our child's toys, and you leaned in and touched my crotch, I seriously wanted to beat the shit out of you. I'm on the rag. Don't you get it? DON'T TOUCH MY CROTCH WHEN I AM BLEEDING LIKE A STUCK PIG. A more appropriate gesture would have been to hand me the jar of peanut butter and a large chocolate bar. Had you done that instead, you might have gotten a blow job later-instead, you get nothing. One day you might learn-but the odds aren't good.

Asking me why my period is taking so long to get over with is just dumb. You're not the one bleeding like the aforementioned stuck pig, nor do you have a sensation in your stomach much like that of an elephant sitting on your gut. You have no right to ask, because even if I wasn't on the rag, I still would not want to have sex with you tonight.

Confession # 464

When you choose to stay up until 1am watching your wrestling shit, do NOT whine and complain and be crabby to me in the morning because you're tired and have to go to work. You were stupid. Learn from your mistakes.

When I come up with a plan, you tell me it's wrong and dumb. So we do things your way. It falls apart. So you suggest the VERY method I had suggested in the first place and declare it your own idea. And I applaud you and sing your praises to your face because you are either too stupid to remember it was my idea first, or too embarrassed to admit it. So I let you go on, thinking you are the MAN when in reality I'm the brains of this operation.

Confession #465

If it weren't for me you would go to work buck naked every single day. And you would starve while you were there. And you'd walk home because you can't remember to put gas in the car or get the oil changed.

I do appreciate you taking me to a Japanese restaurant for our anniversary. I know how much you hate Asian cuisine. You even tried sushi for the first time. I know you hated most of the meal but it means so much to me that you smiled and choked down most of what was on your plate in an attempt to make my day. That was really sweet.

Confession #466

Please do not suggest that I go have some 'me time'. You only suggest this when you are gearing up for a night of playing cards with the guys and are trying to avoid the guilt trip you lay all on yourself. GO. Have fun. I don't care. I will gladly stay home, put our child to bed, and order Chinese food, since I can never get it because you hate it so much.

On my days off, as you leave for work, don't bother suggesting I 'take it easy' and try to get some rest while our daughter is at school. I know you are going to call me 10 minutes later to ask me something stupid. I know you are going to call 5 more time before lunch to ask me more dumb questions. So I just do stuff around the house because even when you're not home, I can't get a moment's peace.

Confession #467

I hate your family. Your sister is a bitch. Your mom is too needy and your father is a perv.

Confession #468

i wish just one time you would tell me I'm sexy. You tell me I look pretty.
or that this outfit looks good on me. Never once have you told me I'm sexy.
I hate that many other men tell me this all the time. And all it makes me do
is wish that it was YOU telling me that. I think you're sexy. All the time.
and I know you don't think I'm sexy. It breaks my heart. It has for years.

Confession #469

I know fabric softener makes your skin itchy. Sometimes, I use it anyway. At
first, I thought the allergy was all in your head. But interestingly enough,
you're right – fabric softener DOES make your skin itch. Every time I use
it, you complain a few days later about your skin being dry and itchy. I
feel guilty, but I really love how fluffy the towels are when I use

Confession #470

I'm so glad that after a year, you have finally made a friend at work. I'm
trying desperately not to freak out that the friend is a woman. I know she's
happily married. I know her life revolves around her newborn. I know you're
not interested in her at all. I still freak out about it a little.