Friday, November 28, 2008

True Wife Confessions 274 cranberries on a string

Confession #2731

I dream about winning the lottery. I don't want to quit my job or buy a bunch of stuff, I just want to kick you out of my life with enough money to land on your feet. You're about to lose your house, you have a crappy job you hate, no savings, no furniture, and you feed yourself from boxes and cans. I don't hate you and it would be cruel to kick you out now, but I'm tired of you. I'm tired of the endless stream of complaints, tired of paying for almost everything, tired of being interrupted when I talk, tired of all the half-finished projects around the house, tired of all the "someday" promises that I know are shit, tired of hearing about your ex-wife, sick and tired of your disfunctional family, and beyond tired of the baby talk. We have almost nothing in common. I'm moody and distant not because I'm mad at you, but because I wish you would just go away.

Confession #2732

Dear Husband,

It should have been a warning to me when we were dating that your mother balanced your check book. But I ignored it. Now when it comes to money I am the only one who has a clue what is going on. You think that going out to lunch every day is not that much. Well 8 dollars every day is $160 bucks a month give or take. Then when your over time gets cut with what you say is no warning we need every penny. We decide to take some money out of your 401K to pay our rent, you forget to sign the paper work. So when I pick up the envelope to take it to the bank, it is the paperwork you were SUPPOSED to sign. You claim the guy didn’t tell you that you needed to sign anything…. I used to have a hard time believing you are that dumb. Now I know you really are that stupid.

I want to go out and work, because I can make more money than you because I have a degree. But you tell me that it is better if I stay home with the kids. What you are really saying is you are too lazy to do what I do every day and your puny little ego couldn’t take it if I was the breadwinner. You keep saying you will get a second job. Well sh*t or get off the pot. I am so sick of hearing you talk about how badly you want your Jeep, or how you need a motorcycle. Well money doesn’t grow on trees. We can barely afford to keep our heads above water as it is. Yet you need your HD tv stations, your tivo, your xbox360.… The only reason I keep the internet is because I was able to get a part time job that you don’t know about. I tell you the money comes from my parents. I suggest we sell you toys so we can pay some bills and maybe when money is better we can buy them again. But you tell me that is stupid. Well boy genius where is the money going to come from? The only reason I think you want to keep your xbox360 is so you can keep talking to your internet whores.

Oh yeah I know about them. I have called you on it. You tell me you do it because you are no longer attracted to me because I have gained weight. Yes it is all entirely my fault. The three pregnancies in three years were accomplished entirely by me you had no help there. And the sad thing is, the only pregnancy I wanted was the daughter we lost. The other two were accidents, and they are our living children… I know exactly when they were conceived because those were the only times we had sex that month. I am loosing the weight, I have lost 15 pounds this month, not that you would notice. But as soon as I lose a little more, I am going to go out and find someone who thinks I am pretty and wants to have sex with me.

I wish I had one positive thing to say about you, but really I don’t. I can’t even say you are a good father. You don’t play with the kids, you yell at our daughter instead of talking to her. You are just as quick to “thump” her as you are to hug her. Trust me, she will grow up to hate you. A father is supposed to be a model for his son to grow up to be. I pray to God every night our son does not end up like you.

I guess maybe I should take my own advice, I complain about you, but I take no action. I think I have just given up. Congratulations, you have killed the formerly headstrong opinionated person I used to be.

Confession #2733

So, after almost 17 years I still have the same feekings i had for him the last time we saw each, I have talking to him for hours every day. I am seriously thinking of leaving and go back to him. I love and not one day has gone by that i haven't thought of him, and now that he is back in my life I don't want to lose him again because of you my dear husband

Confession #2734

Dear Heartbreaker,

One night, in September, while you were sleeping, 4334 sent a picture to your phone of the two of you together. I could tell that you guys were in her bedroom.

Since she knew we got back together and since I asked her to be a decent human being and not to send texts or call so late at night, I erased the message and picture. But not before I sent it to my e-mail. I look at it everyday. It kills me because I know when I asked you if something happened between you two while we were separated you told me no. I know (call it a women’s intuition) that you are lying. I question the decision of us getting back together. It has been three months since the baby was born, three months that you’ve been back at home, but in those three months we have had a lot more bad days than good days. Maybe that is why I look at the picture 4334 sent you. Maybe combining the picture and the resentment I hold against you for the way you treated me while I was pregnant will be enough for me to stop loving you. Why can’t I stop loving you? Why do the good days make me forget the bad days? And why when we(you) are having a bad day, I just think that a good day is soon to come…? In how many ways will I allow you to break my heart before I have had enough?

Till another time,

-Hurting Heart

Confession #2735

I always thought when I got married, it would be forever. Now, after only three years, I feel like running away. If it wasn't for our daughter, I know I would be gone. I don't know if you've changed or if I've changed or if what I want has changed, but I know that the marriage we have is not what I want for myself. I think you actually might be content with what we have, but I want more. I need more. I know you're a good person, but you're not the right person for me and I hate that we are all you have in your life - no friends, no family support. I know if we left it would kill you, but staying is killing me.

Confession #2736

I'm so sorry that having sex with you is not on the top of my priority list right now. I am 8 weeks pregnant and it is exhausting. Between being tired and bloated, I feel like ass most of the day. Being nauseated and/or puking for the majority of your day does not make one feel particularly sexy. Please excuse me for not wanting to get horizontal the minute you walk in the door. And on the rare occasion that I don't feel like shit, you are forcing yourself on me and that makes me feel like all I am to you is a vehicle to get your rocks off. It is such a turn-off having to CONSTANTLY fight you off of me. I have told you to let me pursue you sometimes because, believe it or not, I am occasionally horny too. But all that flies out the window when you are always trying to pin me down and hump me. Yes, I realize my boobs are bigger and that turns you on but that does not mean that you can grab them any time you want. You try working full-time as a teaching assistant for special needs children AND being pregnant. Then come talk to me about your horniness. I would be willing to bet that it has dissipated greatly. I know you have Playboys under the sink in your bathroom and I have no problem with you using them. But instead, you are pouting in the living room because having sex with you once a week is not enough. Get over it because it is probably not going to change for at least another 3 weeks.

Confession #2737

I've made a terrible mistake!! Can someone help me?

I"m a 47 year old mother of one (and I"m married) who is currently a freshman in college. He has a friend (age 19, and HUNKY) who hangs-out and spends the night on a regular basis. Well, one night at around 1:00 AM I walked out to the living room and found him watching TV. I tempted fate and decided to sit with him and watch TV. One thing lead to another, and we kissed and indulged in some very inaapropriate touching. I feel so bad, my husband would be very hurt if he found out. What should I do? Should I tell him, or keep it to myself? Should I tell my son his friend can't come over any more? I really screwed up!!

Confession #2738

My fiance's soon-to-be-ex-wife has been a major pain in the ass for over two years, in every way imaginable. Last week, she assaulted him (again) and spent the night in jail. While she was in jail, we moved the rest of his things out of her house.

I peed on her toothbrush.

Confession #2739

OK So now you don't have ADD. The doc says to come off the meds right away and to have a nice day, he can't help you. when you thought there was a reason for the behavior and the asshole attitude, it changed. The second you found out you still don't know why, you turned into that guy again. The one who sleeps all the time, yells when he gets aggravated and has no patience. In case you forgot, I don't want to live with this guy. You have to figure out what is wrong and I can't hold your hand. Just fucking grow up and be the man you can be, not the shithead!! There you happy now, I am swearing........
Love Me

Confession #2740

You asked me if I've cried since our break up and I told you that of course I had. I haven't though and I do not know why. You would think that after 12 years this would hurt more but I think I am just relieved that I don't have to deal with your crap anymore.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

True Wife Confessions 273 Kelvin

Confession #2721

I'm not really that mad at you for calling the phone "chat" line, per
se. I'm mad because you did it from our master bath at two in the
morning when I was lying six feet away from you and could hear every
word. I'm mad because you were so drunk that, before calling the
phone chat line, you "playfully" woke me out of a sound sleep to bite
my ass like three times. I'm mad that you got mad when I busted into
the bathroom to warn you that I could hear you. I'm mad that you kept
me awake for an hour afterward trying to engage me in a "playful"
conversation about why it bothered me that you were calling a phone
chat line and getting mad that I was upset. I'm mad that you're this
drunk at least once a week and that every third time we have sex you
can't ejaculate because you're literally too drunk to fuck. On the
bright side, you woke up to use the bathroom instead of pissing the

Confession #2722

The feeling that coursed through me when he kissed me and fondled me surpasses anything I have ever felt for you when we made love. My body aches for him. Last night, I thought of him the whole time and I feel no remorse. I never new this kind of emotion could exist. I have tolerated you touching me and have "checked out" while we were intimate for our whole marriage.
He is interested in being my friend first and foremost. He wants to know and cares deeply about ME! All you have ever truly cared about is you.
I am in love with him. It is an unexpected love, to be certain, but inevitable in reflection of how you have treated me for 11 long years. I wish I would have known he wanted me before we were married. I would never have married you. Now, regretfully both of us are married. Him, happily. I have told you I will divorce you if we don't get counseling. Now I don't know if I even want to make it work with you. I don't know if I can get over all the hurt and shit you have dumped on me. I don't think I can put my heart out there one more time, hoping that things will change and have you stomp and shit all over it. I am tired of giving you another chance. I know I will never feel the same passion with you that I did with him. Ever. My life would be a lie if I stayed with you.
I would rather talk with anyone else beside you be cause you are such a pompous, stuck up prick. You think that if I change that our marriage will be magically fixed. Get over yourself. Take some responsibility for your actions.
I would rather have our children see us happy separated than miserable, angry and bitter together. They deserve better. I DESERVE BETTER!!! I am over the drama and over you.
I am so glad I am finally realizing this so you can't steal anymore years of happiness from me.

Confession #2723

17 years ago I met and started dating EX. Over the years we had many disagreements, some minor, some major and very bitter and hurtful. We also made a lot of concessions and accommodations in order to remain together and living in the same house - including completely separate finances. We each bought, paid for, and cooked our meals separately. Separate vacations 90% of the time - and the few we shared each included at least one bad fight. Separate bedrooms. In these and so many other ways we lived separately, compartmentalizing ourselves into spaces and times where we could each enjoy pieces of life, just not together.

I left numerous times, and returned each time to him as the familiarity and safety of the known kept me from creating a free life for myself. At the same time, two years ago I had to choose a new travel agent as my former one retired from the business. I spent some time getting to know this new agent, and we became friends. We had drinks and dinners together, went to movies, and had conversations around shared interests, family histories, travel, and so on. Gradually our fondness for one another shifted and increased, and we fell in love. This newfound happiness, with someone whose emotional reality complements and matches my own, who is smart and funny, who loves to travel, can cook, is sexy and wise and grounded, gave me strength to stop tormenting both myself and EX, and I decided mid-October to leave the unhappy and unsuccessful marriage.

I have moved in with my new partner, and we are engaged - an engagement which will last through the separation and divorce process, which in Alberta I understand takes 12 months from date of separation. My partner's name is FIANCE. She loves me and I love her - the cute faces and happy smiles we share are commented on a lot.

Confession #2724

When you asked me if I would live with you if you were to build a house for us out in the country, I said yes, and you said "Ah-ha. Now I know how to get you to say yes". Actually, I'd say yes even if you wanted us to live in a little 1-bedroom apartment in the city. In a heartbeat.

Confession #2725

My SO sleeps about two hours more than I do, but if I try to get up before he does, he (sleepily) believes that I'm cold, pulls me closer, and wraps the blanket around me. While very sweet, it means I'm lying there for at least two hours suffocating under the blanket with a full (and getting fuller) bladder. (I've tried telling him that I need to go, but he's rarely conscious enough to hear me.)

Once he wakes, he immediately zombies to the bathroom for his daily routine. This takes roughly 45 minutes. By this time, I've been needing to use the restroom for almost three hours, a third of which was spent listening to running water. And then he tells me to hurry up and shower so we can go out for breakfast.

My confession: Dear SO - every time you "bathroom-block" me, I pee in the shower. (But I always clean the stall afterward.)

Confession #2726

I loathe those video games sometimes. I just wish you could turn off the damn computer and come and watch this movie with me. Instead I'm in here on the floor wishing for your attention. So much that I just pleasured myself because I feel really deprived. Damn you Warhammer. Damn you.

Confession #2727

It has been 18 long, hard years. After the birth of our son, I saw the signs, but I stayed, hoping that it would get better. I thought maybe it was because you were working so many hours and traveling and the baby and I were sick alot. But that wasn't it. When we moved and I stayed home with our son, I realized that marrying you was a big mistake. What kind of man is jealous of his own son? You have the best son ever; 17 years old, good grades, about to graduate, no drinking or drugging or staying out late, no baby mama drama. He has no idea if you even love him. You never speak to us. You lead your selfish life, doing whatever the hell you want, whenever you want and I have been raising that boy and working my ass off for 17 years. Thanks for ignoring us. We both feel like we don't matter. So if you have noticed over the years that there is a big wall around me, you're right. I have had to do that in order to survive and take care of myself. When I hear other women say how their husband holds their hand, or picks up the kids from school or puts a few twenties into their purse as a surprise, I cry inside because I have a husband who doesn't even speak to me, who pretends that I don't even fucking exist and continues to focus on himself and his own desires. I ache inside for what could have been, what I most definitely deserve. I am not a needy person, but I do need to be spoken to with respect and not barked at like a dog, to be held without being groped, to be asked 'how was your day' and have someone actually care about the answer. You're sick now, and I thought that this cancer would wake you up to see what is so very important in life. It has done nothing but make you even more selfish and cranky. Wow...some nights I pray that God takes you so that I can be released from this hell of a marriage and move on. I wonder if I can ever heal from all the emotional scars you have given me.

Confession #2728

Dear Future Husband

We have 19 more months until we get married and every day I wonder for a few moments if I can do this for the ret of my life. I miss you; I miss the funny caring sensitive man that I started dating five years ago. I know you have your hobbies and I work two jobs, but do you really have to spend so much time on the computer or watching sports? I love seeing the back of your head every day.

We moved in together over a year ago and I now know that unless I ask you will do nothing around the house to help me out! I’m sorry your parents didn’t make your help around the house and they still pay for your car insurance and cell phone. I have to leave you a note just to empty the dish washer and half the time you don’t do it and then you get mad at me for saying something to you. And you don’t get the financial struggles I have to go through, because you don’t have to worry about tons of bills!

And I don’t understand the flirting thing! You have someone that loves you so much; do I not feed your ego enough? You text message constantly with your best friend’s girlfriend, she’s 19! Are you serious? I’ve seen the text and you flirt with her (telling her she’s cute or whatnot) and you tell me she’s your buddy! And when other female friend comes home from out of state in December you want to watch a movie and bring wine and cheese over for the two of you to her parents place, you jokingly called it a date?! Am I being ridiculous at this point?

I just don’t know what to do anymore…

Your Future Maybe Wife

Confession #2729

I miss him so much. I miss his attention and the time we spent talking everyday to each other, we grew so close. I know in my heart we made the right decision and that I had to leave that company because if we stayed in contact something could have happened. We respect our marriages and families too much to have allowed it to happen. It's been 6 months since we have spoken, I am shocked at how much I miss him and how each day I think about him, and sometimes I secretly wish something would have happened that last day when he hugged me goodbye. I wonder if he misses me.

Confession #2730

The other day - when we were getting ready to get out of bed, and you pounced on me - and we play fought and wrestled until we absolutely HAD to get up and get dressed? I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be with a playful man - someone who doesn't growl at me and tell me to knock it off. These are the moments when you entirely seal the deal for me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

True Wife Confessions 8 - like an octopus

Confession #071

That weekend that I packed all of that stuff and the child and went to visit my mother in 2000? I was leaving you. You just never figured it out. That's when I took your name off the checking accounts? Yeah. Leaving you. With no money.

Confession #072

I am ecstatic when you take off on Fridays nights and I don't have to make dinner and I can hang out and do my own thing, without listening to you bitch

Confession #073

If I work all day and you've played video games all day, and I come home and cook dinner, and you say "leave the dishes, I'll get them" and then they are still in the sink when I start trying to cook breakfast, and you say "I'll do the dishes after breakfast," don't be surprised if I'm slamming around and washing dishes and being curt with you. I can't make your damn breakfast if the pan I need is still dirty and in the sink under a pile of dinner dishes.

Confession #074

You don't have any friends because you are too lazy to keep in contact with them. You are very lazy when it comes to relationships. You prefer to play on-line Poker and work. This isn't my fault that your life is so out of balance. So stop blaming me!

Confession #075

I wish you'd really get your head out of your ass and grow up.

Confession #076

Could you read to your child every once in a while? When did it become the designated mother job to read EVERY night? I like to read, but JESUS - EVERY NIGHT???

Confession #077

Sometimes I fake a stomachache just so I can go hide in the bathroom and read my book or do crossword puzzles. You think I've got indigestion, but all that's really wrong is that I need a break from you. So when you walk by the bathroom and act like it reeks in there, you look like a moron-because all I did was sit in the corner and do my puzzle and then flush the toilet and run the water to make you think I had actually gone to the bathroom.

Confession #078

I know you're scared of the dentist. I would be too if Novocain didn't work. But because you won't go - those back teeth are rotting, and that's why I don't kiss you anymore. It's not because I haven't brushed my teeth yet or any of the other excuses I give you. Go to the dentist, and I'll kiss you again.

Confession #079

Your bizarre need to lock the bathroom door? When have I EVER busted in and watched you use the toilet? Never. I could care less what you are doing.

Confession #080

you suck at being a dad, you never discipline until things have gone far too far and then you lose your cool, if you would put you foot down earlier your life would be easier

Thursday, November 06, 2008

True Wife Confessions 272 red white and blue balloons

Confession #2711

The thought of you makes me sick to my stomach. I thought I was going to be happy for the rest of my life when I married your sorry lying ass. What the hell did I get myself into? I can’t believe a damn word you say and I never will. I hope our son doesn’t end up like you. I can’t wait until I can save up enough money, get a better education, and leave you. What satisfaction I will get when you have to go running to your mommy. I will have my cards just right, and you won’t even know what hit you.

Confession #2712

So you have ADD. Is this supposed to take away all the pain you have caused because of your behaviors? I don't know what to do. This last endeavor has cost us about ten thousand dollars so far. We don't' have it, and I can't tell you how behind we are on the bills because you will freak out because you can't comprehend the bill concept. You are so smart, so creative and have lots of love, you just drive my CRAZY!!! I am sooo close to leaving, and now the doc says we need to wait and see how the meds work to get this under control. I have no problem with ADD or any other mental illness. Hell both our boys have them, my issue is the pain and the edgy life we have lived together because of this and now am I supposed to just swallow this and move on??? I just want to be. that's all. Nothing more and nothing else. Just be.
Love Me

Confession #2713

So here we are, 5 years after we separated and divorced, living together again, supposedly giving this another shot.

But there are a couple problems here.

One - your drinking problem is getting worse. Yeah, you haven't drank much this week but I know that once you're feeling better, you will buy more beer and finish off a 12 pack in just a few hours. I've tried to talk to you about it before. You got mad, defensive, and tried to turn it around on me. And then went and drank that whole bottle of vodka just to piss me off. Still think you don't have a drinking problem? I wish you would read those links I sent you and see that you meet several of the early warning signs of alcoholism. After last weekend, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I now have your sisters behind me and a couple of your friends. When I kick your ass out, your family will agree with me. The next time I know that you are going to drive after drinking, I'm going to call the cops on you.

Two - You are depressed. You are dealing with issues from your ex-girlfriend, PTSD, and losing your house. I know your life has not been easy over the past few years. Remember, through it all, I was there by your side, and gave up a potentially great relationship because I felt like I still had to take care of you. I was your friend when everyone else was talking shit about you. I held you at night after some of your drunken rants. I told you over and over again that you're a good man and a great father. But one misworded sentence and all of my praise is null and void. You are depressed and won't admit it, won't seek out help, nothing. Instead you tell an old mutual friend that you hate your life and if it wasn't for the kids, you'd kill yourself. Keep in mind, she chats with me too and has told me this a few times. The last time she told me you said that was this week! So what am I? Chopped liver?

Three - You have shown little or no interest in me over the past few weeks. Your midnight, in your sleep, groping was the most you've touched me last night. You don't want to cuddle with me. You don't want to sleep with me. I rarely get kisses or hugs from you. I'm starving for attention. I'm starving for affection from you. I know you don't like my ex-boyfriend. And you've told me in not so many words "him or me." You basically told me that I cannot be friends with him if I expect things between us to go forward. So I shut him out. The only time I talk to him is in class. Even then, he's too busy being followed by that user blonde, I pretty much avoid him. Sometimes he sends me an IM and the majority of the time, it's related to class. He saw me sitting near my car in the parking lot a couple weeks ago and asked me if I was ok. I about broke down and he held me for a few minutes. He gave me that little bit of comfort I wanted so badly from you. Despite still caring about my ex-boyfriend, I still love you and I want affection from you, not him, not anyone else. And don't use my recent surgrey as an excuse. You barely touched me before that and even less now. It was just a tubal! No stitches even!

And four - I know you're lying to me or at least keeping things from me. You signed back up on myspace a week or so ago but have not added any of your friends. You have just one lone chick on there that I don't recognize. I've peeked at your internet history and saw the searches on craigslist for casual encounters and erotic services locally and in the city you will be in for training. I wish I knew your passwords. I want to know if you contacted any of these people.

When the time is right, you're outta here. I know I need your help with the house but know what? I don't deserve your treatment. I will give up my house and move back in with my parents if need to be. You do not realize how much I do for you and how much I am there for you and yet you treat me like this. If you cannot change, I can only change my reaction and I'll be changing it to bitchy and kicking you out. I deserve better than this.

Confession #2714

You are my best friend and I will always love you. But for myself, I'll be fucking him this weekend. I need to feel alive, appreciated, sexy, wanted... all the things I haven't felt in so many years. He makes me feel incredible and I can't resist him anymore. You have no idea and will probably never know. It would shock you to your core to find out who I am sleeping with. Never in a million years when you pass him and say hello could you imagine what I've been doing with him right under your nose. You take me for granted everyday and I am completely overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Its not fair. So I am taking a little bit for myself, because you only live once.

Confession #2715

I have spent the better part of the past 5 years trying to get us back together. I've cheated on a boyfriend with you. I've called off a wedding for you. Finally, we started spending more time together. Finally you said, there gotta be a reason why we keep coming back together despite everything. You admitted to still caring, still having feelings, but never came out and said that you still love me. I have been very open and honest with you about my feelings. Now we are living together again, mostly because you needed a place to live, but also because you said, "let's see if we can make this work again." I was over the moon happy and was excited to be with you and wanted to make an effort to make it work. I tried my hardest to show you that I care, that I want you, etc. I tried to tell you, show you, and drop hints of how you could make an effort to show me that you wanted this too. You have not done much. Ok, sure, you clean up around the house sometimes. You would buy me my favorite drink sometimes. You take care of my car. But I swear, the cat gets more love from you than I do! The freaking CAT!!

At the last wedding I shot, I got to talking to one of the groomsmen. We knew some of the same people.. When the reception died down and there wasn't a need for me and my camera, we walked the grounds and talked a little. He kept putting his hand on the small of my back, offered me a helping hand to make sure I didn't trip over the stairs when there wasn't much light, and at one point, kept holding onto my hand even though we were on a well-lit sidewalk. Let me tell ya, that attention was so much more than you had given me over the past month. I don't expect you to be all up in my face but damn, I would like it if you came up to me and just gave me a little kiss. Instead I have to ask you for one. I'm starving for attention. I won't cheat on you but damn it.... the thought is there. A guy is paying attention to me. He touched me and none of it was sexual and I felt more attractive and desired in that short hour than I have with you all month. If things don't change between us, I'm kicking you out. I deserve to be loved and desired. And hon, you're not giving me that. Aside from being a roommate that's helping with the mortage, you're not much of anything and it hurts like hell.

Confession #2716

You shriek every day and it is so incredibly annoying. You come home looking like a normal guy, and you spend the next two hours shrieking a high-pitched "agh! ack!" and yelling made-up nonsense words. You intermittently make boring small talk. I try to start a real conversation, and when that fails I tune the noise out and focus on a book or a task, figuring "freedom of expression." But instead of appreciating that I don't tell you to stop it, you follow me and say, "You're mad at me. Why are you mad at me? Don't you like those words? Why are you being distant? You're not fun. I wish my wife was fun." I am a really playful person, and sometimes I try to join in with you making nonsense noises. But every single day? It's like you do it to bother me. And when I do get mad, you're still not satisfied, and we end up in a fight. It's fucking ridiculous. I want you to come home and talk to me like an adult about art or our families or work or travel. The gibberish makes my skin crawl, it makes me insane, it makes me dislike you, it makes me not want sex, it makes me question choosing you as a husband. Most of the time I am really really happy with you. But if I tell you this is bothering me, you will likely pout and act wholly rejected and even threaten to end our relationship. I am considering seeing a counselor about it. That's how much it bothers me. Please, fucking shut up. Shut up shut up shut up!

Confession #2717

I know I said I didn't have an issue with you playing your video games like your ex did. That was before I learned how cranky they make you.

Confession #2718

So last night as I sleep on the couch, after you thoughtlessly decided to wake me up for no good reason, I got to thinking, remembering, and then wondering. What am I doing? Maybe you were right...maybe marriage was a step we shouldn't have taken. Another check mark for you to enter into your "book".

I'm not sure about you but I used to be happy, content, and at least feel beautiful. We used to be attracted to each other and it showed, we used to like each other. We couldn't go to sleep without telling each other goodnight, we couldn't shower alone, we could just sit there and watch a movie and not say a word and it was the most comfortable place in the world.

Now I feel like I've done it again...I've fucked things up and I feel like I'm stuck in a marriage with no closeness, no bond, no comfort. The days of not being able to keep our hands off each other have turned into nothing more than dutiful, passionless, quick, dry kisses. We don't sleep together. We have sex whenever YOU want and I'm left...well wanting something else, someone else..something more, and feeling empty.

I no longer melt when I see you...I still long for you, I still wonder if there's hope...but then I realize that I don't care as much as I should. I wish you would cheat on me...give me an out so that my kids won't hate me. If you did I would never know, I'm to the point I don't care to pay close enough attention to see when or if it happens. I now have a marriage of convenience.

I said my vows...I said I would cherish and honor you, encourage and inspire you...and you haven't held up your end of that deal while I've busted my ass to do my part. I meant every word. My rings feel heavy on my hand, like they're made of hot lead, like they're not supposed to be there. I will stay because the kids are adjusted and I can't do that to them again but I just wanted to say that I'm not happy...and eventually it will show. I know you have seen it...and I know you just don't care.

Confession #2719

I told my therapist that I was planning to leave you. The therapist told me that maybe you would change if you knew I was thinking of leaving. What? I asked if in the previous 20 years you hadn't changed - and I had asked for affection, pleaded for foreplay, closeness, togetherness - ANYTHING - what would suddenly make you change now? I haven't kept these things secret from you.

The therapist suggested that they believed everyone could change. I think it may be time for me to get a new therapist, because that is shitty advice.

Confession #2720

How do I know it is Love? Because when I say I don't feel good, you inquire as to my pooping.
When I looked horrified that you are asking me about my pooping and confess that "pooping talk" is making me uncomfortable, you respond that you have licked and kissed me in places that no other human has touched. And I that I need to get over the Pooping talk issue. All of this makes me laugh.