Friday, August 11, 2006

True Wife Confession 44 Magnum

Confession #441

When you call me names in front of our son, it makes
me want to stab you to death in your sleep.

Confession #442

Last night when you told me that you missed me, because I was your armor that made you stronger, that meant so much to me, because yesterday I missed you too, because you're my heart. Thank you for always making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

but then...

It makes me crazy when you won't stand outside and wait for the dog to do both pee and poop! Why would you rather clean poop off the carpet than wait for him to go in the morning? Arrgh!

Confession #443

You know when I do goofy things and you act like I'm a weirdo? I'm
just trying to make you smile and not be so serious. When you smile
or laugh, my soul dances. And when you ignore me or roll your
eyes, it really hurts.

Confession #444

Stop telling me how to take care of our daughter! You were the one who didn't know how to change a fucking diaper till the nurse in the hospital showed you, so don't tell ME what to do when she's crying, because I know!! You're wrong 99% of the time anyway, but you wont listen to me. Oh, I'm just her mother!

And by the way, the way your mother raised you, it was bullshit, okay? She wasn't the saint you make her out to be, she turned you into a pampered prick, and sent your family to the fucking poor house. Stop rubbing your childhood in my face, because you don't even realize how fucked up it really was. I'm tired of being compared to your paranoid 'saint' of a mother.

When we get out of this house, and to a better city, I am leaving your dumb ass! And I'll get custody too, because you have a bad record. So there, you asswipe!

Confession #445

I wish I would have never married you. I failed to see the signs that you were emotionally and mentally abusive because I chose to close my eyes instead of see things for what they really were. I was devastated when I found out we were pregnant with our first child. I knew I would be tied to you for life. I am now pregnant again and I am hating every second of it. I will love both of our children more than I can imagine but as soon as this second one is born, I am out... like your HAIR STYLE. I am so lonely... you hardly talk to me. You choose to ignore me instead of pay attention to me. I hate touching you, having sex with you... I am sick of pretending to like you muchless love you. You are a good worker when it comes to your occupation but you are lazier than dog shit when you are at home. I am MISERABLE and totally depressed. I want out RIGHT NOW. I hate my life and my marriage. I hate who I am when I am with you and most of all I hate who I am turning into. I want someone to cherish me and love me... I want someone to tell me I am beautiful and appreciate me. THINGS YOU WILL NEVER DO. I've come to accept the fact that you will NEVER change... and I was crazy and stupid to think you ever would.

Confession #446

The reason I did not want to refinance or get a loan to put an addition on the house is because I have thousands of dollars of credit card debt I am hiding from you because I know you will freak out if you know about it. I don't want to take a chance on you seeing the credit report. I have a personal loan to begin paying it down, and I have canceled the cards, but I get the statements at work and use my cell phone as the contact number so that you don't know about them.

Confession #447

You will not know what hit you because you are in such denial. Our 15 year marriage has run it's course into the ground. You refuse to get help and are too incestually linked with your Mother.

You have denied me love, sex, kindness, and comfort, but expect me to be grateful to live in OUR home that WE provide.

One day, you will come crying to be with me and I am going to take pleasure in telling you no.

Confession #448

I really hate how you treat my children. Yes, MY children. Because until you adopt them or at least give them your last name, you have no right to call them YOUR children. I hate how you treat them. They are good kids who constantly walk on eggshells around you, doing everything they can to try to make you happy. You won't give them any credit and you won't give them any praise.

Confession #449

I hate what you did to me and us when you cheated. I hate that I was not strong enough to leave. I hate that me and her shared a name. I hate my name now. I hate that I cannot love my unique name anymore. I hate hearing my name come out of your mouth. I hate the chills that it sends down my back. I hate that you cheated on me on our wedding anniversary. I hate that you took her out to eat that day while I sat at home with our children wondering where you were on such an important day. I hate that I don't have a wedding anniversary anymore. I hate looking and feeling like a fool. I hate not being able to love or trust you the way I used to before all that happen out of fear of being crushed again. I hate feeling like damaged goods. I hate feeling like I am the one that should be punished and like I am punished for what happened. I hate that I have thought of doing what you did just to get even. I hate that I have thought about other men after what happened. I hate that I was so heartbroken that I would let myself think that way. I hate that you say that it is never going to happen again and I don't believe you....

Confession #450

Your mother and sisters already know that I am planning on leaving you. They support me completely.


Anonymous said...

#448....Why would you let a man, ANY MAN, treat your kids in a way that you don't like? They will end up hating YOU for letting it happen!

Anonymous said...

I do the same thing. I'm afraid to have a sharp knife around, just in case.

Anonymous said...

I hate that you havn't left him.

Donna said...

Geez, 443 sounds just like me..but nah that wasn't my confession.

Anonymous said...

#445: My hear broke into a million pieces when I read yours. Not only b/c I feel your pain, but also because you and I share the EXACT same story. Know that you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

445, why wait to leave? I can't presume to know all the circumstances, but it sounds like you would be so much better off without him that it doesn't make sense to stay. He doesn't provide emotionally so having him with you at baby #2s delivery won't help, and might make things worse.

449, my heart breaks for you. To have your anniversary ruined, your name tainted and your trust shattered all in one fell swoop is terrible, and at the hands of someone who said he'd love you "forsaking all others". If leaving is possible (even though you say you don't have the strength), might you consider it anyway? It would take a tremendous amount of therapy (for both) and ass kissing (from him) for me to forgive such grievances were I in your shoes. Hug, sweetie.

Anonymous said...

I wrote #449. It was heartbreaking to read my own words this morning. This happened in February and the thoughts and emothions still creep up on me every day. We have been trying to work it out and it is better then it ever was before...but I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again like I used to or if the feeling of betrayal will ever go away. I know that on February 23rd...I will not celebrate my wedding anniversary. That day means nothing to me now.

2:34 you are awesome. Thank you for the hug and support. I needed it!

Anonymous said...

#449, be strong. If you can't forgive, you can't forget and vice versa. I wrote #360, and even though he's almost my EX, it still hurts to this day that he cheated on me. It lowers your self esteem, breaks all bonds of trust and loyalty, and damages your relationship beyond words. I am now starting to regain some of the self esteem I once had... 2+ years later. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Hey 449...

Been there. Mine was with HER on our wedding anniversary too.
But it's over now, and life is so much better now without him. It still hurts to remember it, though.
Good luck.

Anonymous said...

#443-me too.
#449-I wish you all the luck in the world in being able to forgive, forget, work on things, and move on. I hope things work out and that somehow he is able to earn your trust back.

Anonymous said...

#448- Why the hell are you even with this guy? Don't you care about your kids? Is having a man more important than your kids being happy in their own home? WTH? I would never let my kids grow up in that environment. You first priority is your kids, they don't have a choice, you do.

That makes me sick. You don't deserve to be calling them your kids either, if that is the kind of home you are making for them.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

#446, some family friends just separated after 39 years of marriage over a very similar issue and very similar way of trying to deal with it. Try to find a way to discuss it. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

#447....Damn girl, are you living MY life over there? My husband is also in an emitionally incestuous relationship with his own mother....these sick bastards! I hope we all get the courage, the money and the balls to leave these assholes where they stand....

Anonymous said...

#448 - Please do not take this as a personal attack on you, but after my father died, my mother married a guy that sounds just like your husband. I wound up all but hating my mother because of it. I still haven't made up my mind as to whether or not she will ever know my children, when DH and I decide to have kids.

This may sound cold and cruel of me, but I am glad my "mother's husband" (I hated him so much I refuse to call him stepfather) died over two years ago. Not only did he treat my brother and sister and myself like that, he was VERY physically abusive to my mother. I have pictures of her bruises he left on her. The pictures were taken after I was grown and left home, having to leave my brother and sister behind.

Please look deep into your heart, and try to understand why you're really staying. Also, please understand what this does to your children. Find help, quick. Your childrens' future lvoe for you may depend on it. I wish my mother had seen how it affected us. Maybe I wouldn't (strongly) dislike her so much today. It's sad for me, we used to be super close, almost best friends, until he came along. Now I don't care if I talk to her more often than birthdays and holidays.

Anonymous said...

I hate that I ever met you, ever talked to you, ever even let your stupid ass into my life. I hated you and your past, your lies, oh God, I just plain hate you. I went from one abusive prick to another thinking that I was finally in an accepting family. Only to find out that you and your family of drug users, alcoholics, and ex-cons were all making fun of me and my good intentions with you and all of your ex bitches. You pushed me into taking care of your children and acted as if you were my Cabana boy. Your dick isn't big enough and you are quite frankly shitty in bed. I've broken vibrators that were better than you you stupid stuck up prick. you have stolen money from me and my son. You have taken away my home, my car and my identity but best of all, you took away you and all of your sperm sacks and "children" that steal, lie, and have quite frankly done odd things that I wonder if you are not a pedifile. I have hated you and am so glad that you are out of my life. blip, delete, back five years. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR.

Anonymous said...

You go 7:11...!

Anonymous said...

449 - I went through hell and back with my husband's affair. And her name has been one of the Top 10 girl's names for the past few years, so I hear the name quite frequently. It was 9 years ago this month, and believe me, it still hurts, but it DOES get better. As long as you know the affair IS over, and you can tell if he's changed or not...I will agree that our marriage is better than it was before. And husband is the one who is worried that I will cheat on him for sheer revenge. 9 years later, and he's scared to death of it. I don't know if that makes you feel better, but I just wanted to tell you that it does get better. It took me a good two years to not want to cry thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

So who thinks #442 isn't a real person? "You are my heart?" Who says crap like that -- outside of people in Harlequin romance novels. You gotta be making that up, girl.

Anonymous said...

They could very possibly be newlyweds, ya know, that disillusioned time?

Anonymous said...

All of you wives here are HORRIBLE! Thank you for completely reuining the union of marriage obviously it is hardwork DUH! But you are all so selfish, why did you get married in the first place?! You are only making yourself unhappy and feeding your childrens minds with horrible ideals of partnerships.

Anonymous said...

#449, I'm so so sorry. :( almost nothing in life feels as bad as what happened to you. there are many of us out there who know and who care. hope things are better than they were.

Anonymous said...

12:54 is a hater with only one thing to say. He posted the same thing on 50. Too bad the only one thing you have to say is IGNORANT!