Confession #2791
I was confession 1880; we conceived our son at a foreign clinic, through a double gamete donation -- our eggs & sperm were both too compromised to work. We are totally besotted with our son, and the only stress is hiding this HUGE secret from the small-minded small towners we live among.
I was so thrilled at the universally positive tone of the comments, that I decided maybe it wasn't crazy after all to go back and try again, even though I am four years older and the "miracle" story would look a little thin. So I took the trip end of March -- April 1, to be exact, was the transfer date. All went well and I saw two pink lines again, soon after: hurray! Except now the worries began: what if it was twins? What if I got pre-eclampsia again, instead of nosing around the edges of it as I had done the first time? What if the birth was premature and I now had a crippled baby along with an active toddler? No spare money, little spare time... how would we cope? I sat there in the dark, rocking my son, and worried. My husband and I fought bitterly over care of the toddler -- I thought he was too lenient, he thought I was too strict. When a three year old hits you you imagine him hitting the baby, and you want your man to step in rather than watch his pregnant wife get whacked! I kept wondering, should I not have gone at all....just left them in the freezer forever. At least this way there was a CHANCE things would go well, right?
Well, they did until they didn't. At my 12 week scan they told me growth had stopped at 9.5 weeks. No heartbeat. I was crushed.... and in a tiny dark place, relieved. No bedrest, no preeclampsia, no fear of dying for me. But the loss, the loss is grieved every day now. I wanted my son to have a sibling! Every problem that came up I had a plan for, and now all those plans are for nothing. I am so unbelievably bitter that we were allowed to rejoice at all, then have it snatched away for no known reason. Because they did the genetic testing, and the baby was fine....it's me that caused the problem, somehow. And this is what keeps me up at night. Every time I raised my voice and blood pressure, every time I lifted my son a little roughly, every time I strained on the toilet..... I thought, hell, the last one stuck, this one is going to have to deal. So careless. I feel like through my worry and ambivalence, I killed her.
Confession #2792
My mil is driving me nuts. She honestly doesn’t see anything wrong with trying to wedge herself inbetween me and my daughters relationship. She went behind my back and came up with a game plan about wanting to take my daughter to get her hair cut, but then didn’t have the backbone to tell me about it. She had another family member tell me that she was going to take her to a salon and cut her hair, and the appointment is next week. HELLO, no f’ing way are you doing this. When I put my foot down and said no, she made it seem like I was the bad guy. My daughter is not getting her hair cut right now and when she does I will arrange it, not you. This is my daughter, I am her gate keeper, YOU ASK ME IF YOU WANT TO DO STUFF WITH HER, NOT TELL ME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES HER. YOU ASK ME.
She is still a baby and barely even has any hair, I cut her bangs, that is all she needs. I TAKE CARE OF HER NEEDS. And please stop asking your daughter/my sil to get my daughter things as she needs it when I am at your house, she is MINE, I will met her needs. Don’t ask your daughter/my sil to get her sippy, or her plate of food (that I have in my hand), or her blanket, or to put her down for a nap, etc. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, I will get what she needs.
My sil can’t have kids, even though she wants them, and she doesn’t want to adopt. I am starting to get the impression that when we are all together at a family get together that they are pretending that my daughter is really my sil’s daughter. Cause when it’s just my mil, my daughter and me, she really doesn’t pay attention to my daughter, but when my sil is there, they are all up in my daughters face trying to exclude me from their clique. It’s just a feeling I get.
LIKE F’ING HELL IM LAYING DOWN FOR THAT! She’s mine, back off wenches! I will not tolerate this, because of my husband, I will tolerate you, but you will NOT exclude me from my daughter, it will not work. I WILL BE A BITCH IF NEED BE TO GET YOU TO RESPECT ME AND MY DAUGHTERS BOUNDRY.
When I see you I will act like everything is fine, but under my breath I will be saying have a nice day bitch. Lol.
Confession #2793
You asshole rat-fuck gutless piece of shit bastard son of a bitch. I found
out about her. I know that's why you left me. Too bad you're too much of a
coward to actually say it to my face. I hope she finds out what kind of man
you REALLY are. At first I was sad, and angry, and hurt, but right now I
think I'm glad I found out before I had wasted another five years of my life
with you. Good riddance, and go fuck yourself.
Confession #2794
Thank you for respecting my words when I say that I am not in the mood for sex. You cuddle with me, rub my back, make me laugh. Of course, after all that touching, I'M really in the mood for sex, and so you get a very willing partner who is excited and lustful for you. It is an excellent strategy.
Confession #2795
Once we got cable, our sex life went to shit. You started staying up past 2 a.m. many a night watching movies. Then the next night you'd do the same. Then the next you'd be so tired you'd go to bed by 9 p.m. I'm tired of you avoiding me. I'm tired of you disappearing into the bathroom before bed. I'm tired of smelling spit on your hands. I'm tired of walking in on you jerking off in the shower. I'm tired of all of your excuses.
Sometimes I think the only way we'd have sex would be if I cut your hands off. Course I'm sure it wouldn't take you but a few days to figure out some other way to jerk off.
When I said I can't compete with the tv and your hand, I was serious. You got offended. But its the truth.
I don't buy the "Its my anxiety issues" bullshit. You've always had "anxiety issues." We'd still manage to have sex 2-3 times a week. What makes this different (especially when you admit that your jobs stress is going down and for fuck's sake you're a few days into two-week vacation!
Its not like I'm some nasty looking creature. I look better in a pair of jeans now than I did in my early 20's. When I go out with girlfriends, I get attention from other guys. I still take care of myself.
Meanwhile, YOU'RE overweight, got a ginormous gut that rubs against me when you're on top, a tiny pecker, hairy ass and hairy back. You no longer have a jawline. Plus you're losing muscle. Your arms are getting skinny but your chest is getting wider. And you're going bald. Despite this, I still wanted to have sex with you. I still told you I found you sexy. And YOU'RE not sexually interested in ME?
Do you know how we can solve this? Maybe you should stop jerking off so much. Hmmm?
My god, how sad is that? You can't stop jerking off long enough to have sex with your wife. You jerk off so much, your sperm count was too low to get me pregnant. (This is why we haven't sought medical intervention. Because if you'd stop jerking off for gee, 48 hours? It would be a whole different story. You are a pathetic piece of SHIT. And I swear if some other guy starts finding me sexually attractive and isn't attached? I am going to fuck him. Do you know why? Because I'd rather have a real dick inside of me than a bunch of flimsy excuses.
You profess to find me sexy, you claim to love to have sex with me and you claim masturbation doesn't compare to how awesome sex is with me. But we're like roommates. (Well, roommates where one does all of the housework and childcare while the other lays on the couch, eats and jerks off.) I think you are full of shit and don't have the balls to tell me what's going on. If you no longer find me attractive, that's fine. There are other men that do.
Confession #2796
Here we are year later and you are going backwards to where we were then. I don't know if I can do this with you anymore. I am trying to help but you are an adult and make decisions by yourself. I know the doc said I am supposed to be your meter as to when you are starting to get depressed, but for how long am I supposed to hold your hand? I told you this morning you needed to check the thoughts in your head and I am not sure if you have heard me. Anyway, careful driving home, it's going to snow today and you need patience.
Love ? Me
Confession #2797
I'm completely stunned that you have pulled away from me just because you asked me some questions about my sexual history and I answered you honestly. Yes, I experimented many, many years ago. I don't see how that has anything to do with "us". But clearly, you think it does. My confession? I would never have been so open with you had I known the effect it would have on you. Then again, if something that trivial can change your feelings for me so drastically, then I guess you never loved me anyway. Better to find out now, I suppose.
Confession #2798
We have been married almost 2 years now. You are perfect. You make me
lunch for work, you bake me cookies, you wash every dish in the house
without complaining. You do anything I ask at the snap of a finger, and
you know what, its annoying! Some days I wish you'd just act like a man
and do manly things. It is not a turn on seeing you in the kitchen with
an apron on. I ask if you would like to maybe spice up our sex life
with a threesome, girl of course, and you say no! You don't watch
sports or scratch yourself, you hate video games and always tell me that
I am the most beautiful wonderful girl alive. You like cleaning toilets
and setting out potpourri. Most people question if you are gay.
Most people think I have it made, but just once I'd love for you to man
up. I am tired of wearing the pants in our relationship. I would love
you to go get your hands dirty under the hood of a car, go watch a
football game, make more money than me, and drink a beer! This isn't a
confession, I told you, and you started crying. For once, I'd love to
just be the woman in this relationship or find a real man who can make
me feel like one.
Confession #2799
This one's not about my husband -- I confess that I never expected being a mom to be THIS kind of lonely. Am I the only one? You watch all those damned sitcoms, and all the moms are always out doing things with their girlfriends and having coffee and getting together and yacking and complaining about their kids. I feel like my kids have gotten this incredible loser mom because I don't have any friends -- not in my neighborhood, not at work, not with the other mothers at school, haven't really met anyone at church. I'm always amazed when you read a novel and the author thanks her THIRTY or FORTY 'best friends' for being so kind as to read her work, or when you pick up your college alumni magazine and there's a picture of Suzie Creamcheese celebrating her fortieth birthday at the surprise party her husband threw where he invited EIGHTY people. My own parents prefer my sister in law who's blonde and cute and really young and a cheerleader, my MIL
dislikes me, my husband is not warm and loving and most the time Hostess cupcakes are MY best friend. How do the rest of you do it? Why are you all so interesting that people call you up to ask you what you thought of Michelle Obama's dress? No one cares what I think about anything .
Confession #2800
Honey, we got married 4-5 short months ago... and shortly there after, I regretted it. Your anger is tearing me apart, tearing us apart. If anyone ever heard you talk to me like the way you do, F*ck you this or F*ck you that... You're a stupid b*tch, blah blah blah, they would be astounded. It is horrible. You have no idea how many times I wonder, "why?" I've caught you many times in a lie seeing pictures on your cell phone from other women, your text messages, your pictures you send to people you find on craigslist, and your emails back and fourth to other people you find online. I've seen them, I know what's going on - you have a history, you've always been this way. You've never acted on those people that you're texting/emailing - as far as I know. You're too shy of a person do anything like that - I know this.
Just an FYI though; don't be alarmed if you come home to an empty house or your shit out in the yard. Farewell my friend, farewell. And, this past 4 years? Wasted.
PS: Every odd phone number I see on our cell phone bill from your phone, I call from my work number since it shows up private... guess what? All women. I've even added some email addresses to your spam filter. I also know all of your passwords to everything you have.
I know you recently went to the doctor for your anger, and you are now on medication which you blame me for. Shocking! You'll never ever take the blame. However you are trying to be nice again, and loving and thanking me for putting up with you and you said you talked to your dad today and your dad said, "You can't let the good ones go, you can't let her get away." And you came home from work and loved up all on me and said how much you loved me.
I know your love is there for me, but your sexual desires are still raging wild and your anger? I can't wait around forever. I made a mistake by getting married to you, however thank you for teaching me what real love really is... and it isn't you.
Love,
Your soon to be Ex-Wife
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
True Wife Confessions 279 Cold Snap
Confession #2781
All I wanted was your time. Now I get it and I wish you would do something better with it. Get a job, seriously. You're 27 years old. Who cares if you been working and going to school for ever. Don't live off the system just cuz you can now. You're only setting us back in the long run. Were never going to be able to have kids if you keep this up. I can't stand how much of a bum you have become, it drives me insane. Stop partying. Act your age, I think you forgot you're an adult. Thats why its 2 pm on a Saturday and you're still sleeping even though we were supposed to leave at 9am to go 3 hours away. That was your idea, thanks for leavin me hangin again.
Confession #2782
This morning, you left for work about 15 minutes earlier than me. I finished getting ready, and I went out to my truck. I saw that you had taken the time to scrape the ice off my windshield before you left. I confess that I gasped and put my hand over my mouth and felt inordinately lucky when I saw that small sweet thing you did to make my morning just a little bit easier.
Confession #2783
I thought that was just one of those women who couldn't have an orgasm with oral. It was nice. I liked it..but in nearly 25 years of being sexually active...Nothing. Until last night. Holy Shit. That was amazing. Yes, It took a long time, but you were dedicated to pleasing me - and after 45 minutes or so of licking you got me there. Thank you.
Confession #2784
You like to say, "Hey let's have sex tonight" or make some sort of little announcement that you're "in the mood." But when the time comes, you're "too tired", "Too full from dinner" or you "Feel gross and need a shower." Or blah, blah. THere's always an excuse.
I got pissed at you today when you did this to me FOR THE THIRD DAY IN A ROW! I confronted you. You said, 'So. What's the big deal. At the time I say that, I mean it. Just that later on, I change my mind."
Ok. How about this: I'm going to cook you a great big dinner in two hours. (When the time comes, I'm going to make ME a Lean Cuisine. I'm going to do this three days in a row.) And then I guess I can say, 'Well, at the time, I meant it.
Fucking asshole. Just so you know, you won't be able to find three of your favorite sweaters ever again. I boxed them up and the Viet Vets truck is coming tomorrow to pick it up. They sell the clothes to make money for their program. Nothing makes me feel better than to think some strung out man on meth who's just made $10 by giving some trucker a blowjob wll be wearing YOUR FAVORITE SWEATER!
Asshole.
WHY on earth would you say, "Hey, let's have sex later on" and then give me some excuse. And when I question you, after its been several days in a row of this nonsense, you act like I'm a horrible bitch. That I'm DEMANDING sex. Please, I've stopped making advances. This is ALL you.
Course I guess I just did you a favor - you can use this argument to buy you two more weeks of not having sex with me! You'll can use this to rationalize why you masturbate too much for two whole weeks. Maybe more if you play your cards right (as in pick a few more fights.) you could stretch that out to a few MONTHS. I mean, the "I ate too much" and the "I had a stressful day" and the "I'm tired" and the "I need a shower" and the excuses only last a day.
But you don't realize you don't NEED to make these excuses. I've backed off. I don't try anything anymore. But maybe there IS a part of you that realizes you're jerking off too much and YOUR WIFE KNOWS THIS!
Confession #2785
Recently I was talking to some girlfriends. One posed the question: If you were financially independent, would you still be with your spouse? We all realized that NO, we wouldn't be. We were all staying for the same reasons -- good schools for our kids and being able to provide our children with opportunities and experiences they wouldn't have otherwise. (Not so much about designer clothes but money for music lessons or money so our kids could participate in team sports wearing safe equipment. We also worried about how divorce would affect them. But I know more women who'd stay for these reasons than I do otherwise. I found that interesting. I wonder how many of your readers would voluntarily stay if they inherited a large sum of money or won the lotto and were financially covered for the rest of their lives?
Confession #2786
I know you are cheating on me. I know you've been cheating on me for years. I was relieved when you said you had to leave for six months just so I wouldn't have to look at your lying face every day. And thanks for asking me before making that decision, you jerk. You think you can just go off and leave me with the kids so you can go play with the boys? You immature jerk. I know what you do on the computer late at night. But the most disgusting thing is that you LIE all the time. You make it seem like I'm to blame for the problems in my marriage -- what a laugh. I've never cheated on you because quite frankly, you have put me off sex for good. You think you are such a god in bed and that you "get off" on satisfying a woman -- you haven't satisfied me for years. The few times I put up with you in bed I fake it just to get it over with. And the only way I can even bring myself to do that is to pretend your someone else. You disgust me. You should take a look in the mirror one day, Mr. Sex God: you've got a pot belly and a really small dick and I laugh to myself to see that bald spot on your head getting bigger by the day.
I loved you and would have done anything for you. Until I found out that you were cheating. Oh yes: I know all about it. Don't you think I don't. But your not man enough to confess it, are you? Everytime you say you love me, I want to smash your head in. You only love yourself.
I'm only staying with you until the kids are older. And you have no idea what I've been up to while you've been gone. Take a close look at the bank statements, honey. I've been moving money around. Once I have enough, you are history.
You are a pathetic, lying, cheating scumbag -- just the kind of man I'll warn our daughters about. I'm done trying to save our marriage, now that I know you threw it away years ago.
Confession #2787
My love for you is sincere.
I have been praying and waiting on you for so long. The birth of our child was so wonderful, not my idea of how it was suppose to be. However, had I of known that being so carless would get us to where we are now I would have waited. I just can't get over your fucking lazy ass ways. Don't worry the idea of us getting together does cross my mind, but some how you manage to piss me off and remind me of why your not here. I even tell you what your problem is and you still haven't tried to fix it so screw you and this relationship. So now that you are gone someone else is temporarily filling your void. He doesn't have all his shit together either, but what he does embrace me as a woman and shows me the shit you and others have for so long been taking for granted. You know there is someone else I thought that would make you fight for us more, but you still do the same shit as before.. I know not to get too involved, but I can't promise you that if I let you come back I would let him go either.
Confession #2788
What a wonderful morning , I wake up after a long night of you touching me and making me feel so sexy. That is how you really stole my heart to begin with. Oh yeah.. your music is wonderful, the fancy restaurants were so much fun and the letters you wrote were amazing, but your touch... wow. When we were dating , you told me you wanted to wait until we were married for sexual intercourse. I had sexual intercourse for years in my first marriage, what I missed was what you were giving me, the time and touch. But honey, dont you think you really should have told me you are incapable of having sexual intercourse - that your peter has pooped? You are 15 years older than I am but with the foreplay I expected the sex to be out of this world. Well, it has been for the past 8 years, out of this world and into the world of massagers. I know.... I should have noticed this little detail in all the fore play, the fact the there was no well..... hardness. It really pisses me off. I think I have become a virgin again. I know, it sounds like I want my cake and I want to eat it too. Is there anything so wrong with that. At first it concerned you but now I think you are just darn lazy. Lay in bed, grab the massager and we can all be asleep in 5 minutes. ( It is a GOOD massager!) I want what you give me but I want to feel you inside me. I never have. That feels wrong. I mean, if I am horny and the electricity goes out - I am screwed. Well, you know what I mean. You are a wonderful man most of the time but could you please get off your ass and see why you cant have an erection? You can still jack off! YAH! FOR YOU!!!! ugh...... I think I messed up. Next time , I am marrying for money. Love didnt work. Sex is a joke. I want a house on an island a jet of my own.
Confession #2789
I miss you so badly when we aren't together. Yes, I know you need your space and I'm determined to give it to you. But I have needs too. I need to be part of a couple. All the time. Not just when it suits YOUR needs. What about MY needs? Don't they matter to you? I guess not. I feel so very alone when we aren't together. You could fix that. But you aren't. Should I give this relationship up and move on because of that?
Confession #2790
I just want to say that after this summer? Well, you can't hurt me anymore. You betrayed me. You lied to me. You absolutely devasted me. I questioned my worth, my decisions, my intelligence, competence, appearance, everything. And you still maintain that it was MY fault YOU had an affair. I'm still with you. I've been trying to work on our marriage. I've seen the therapist but you haven't. And I recently realized that I can no longer let myself fully love you. Because I would leave myself open. And I can't say for sure you WON'T do this again. Hell, YOU say, 'I can't promise you this won't happen again." And then you basically say, "If you start acting the way you used to..."
What I feel for you most of the time? Isn't love but indifference. You seem to think I should just give you my trust. You seem to think you have it again. Nope. That's just the indifference. You seem to think I've become more confident in you and the relationship. HA! THe reason I'm ok with your travel and guy's nights (you know to where you aren't home 5 out of 7 days due to work or your happy hours) is because I really like our house. But I also know I can't afford this house or school district on what I make or even could make. So I'm ok with you being gone so much. At least then I don't have to share custody time, can pay the bills AND not have to deal with you all that much.
I think if you realized alot of what I do now is due to indifference and that you can't really hurt me anymore, you'd take that as a personal challenge. You'd TRY to hurt me. Just to see if you could. You've always felt a compulsion to test my limits. But trust me. So the next time we get into a fight and you say something about how you might leave, you will be very surprised to find my response is: "I think that's a great idea. I'll help you pack."
Fucking asshole!
All I wanted was your time. Now I get it and I wish you would do something better with it. Get a job, seriously. You're 27 years old. Who cares if you been working and going to school for ever. Don't live off the system just cuz you can now. You're only setting us back in the long run. Were never going to be able to have kids if you keep this up. I can't stand how much of a bum you have become, it drives me insane. Stop partying. Act your age, I think you forgot you're an adult. Thats why its 2 pm on a Saturday and you're still sleeping even though we were supposed to leave at 9am to go 3 hours away. That was your idea, thanks for leavin me hangin again.
Confession #2782
This morning, you left for work about 15 minutes earlier than me. I finished getting ready, and I went out to my truck. I saw that you had taken the time to scrape the ice off my windshield before you left. I confess that I gasped and put my hand over my mouth and felt inordinately lucky when I saw that small sweet thing you did to make my morning just a little bit easier.
Confession #2783
I thought that was just one of those women who couldn't have an orgasm with oral. It was nice. I liked it..but in nearly 25 years of being sexually active...Nothing. Until last night. Holy Shit. That was amazing. Yes, It took a long time, but you were dedicated to pleasing me - and after 45 minutes or so of licking you got me there. Thank you.
Confession #2784
You like to say, "Hey let's have sex tonight" or make some sort of little announcement that you're "in the mood." But when the time comes, you're "too tired", "Too full from dinner" or you "Feel gross and need a shower." Or blah, blah. THere's always an excuse.
I got pissed at you today when you did this to me FOR THE THIRD DAY IN A ROW! I confronted you. You said, 'So. What's the big deal. At the time I say that, I mean it. Just that later on, I change my mind."
Ok. How about this: I'm going to cook you a great big dinner in two hours. (When the time comes, I'm going to make ME a Lean Cuisine. I'm going to do this three days in a row.) And then I guess I can say, 'Well, at the time, I meant it.
Fucking asshole. Just so you know, you won't be able to find three of your favorite sweaters ever again. I boxed them up and the Viet Vets truck is coming tomorrow to pick it up. They sell the clothes to make money for their program. Nothing makes me feel better than to think some strung out man on meth who's just made $10 by giving some trucker a blowjob wll be wearing YOUR FAVORITE SWEATER!
Asshole.
WHY on earth would you say, "Hey, let's have sex later on" and then give me some excuse. And when I question you, after its been several days in a row of this nonsense, you act like I'm a horrible bitch. That I'm DEMANDING sex. Please, I've stopped making advances. This is ALL you.
Course I guess I just did you a favor - you can use this argument to buy you two more weeks of not having sex with me! You'll can use this to rationalize why you masturbate too much for two whole weeks. Maybe more if you play your cards right (as in pick a few more fights.) you could stretch that out to a few MONTHS. I mean, the "I ate too much" and the "I had a stressful day" and the "I'm tired" and the "I need a shower" and the excuses only last a day.
But you don't realize you don't NEED to make these excuses. I've backed off. I don't try anything anymore. But maybe there IS a part of you that realizes you're jerking off too much and YOUR WIFE KNOWS THIS!
Confession #2785
Recently I was talking to some girlfriends. One posed the question: If you were financially independent, would you still be with your spouse? We all realized that NO, we wouldn't be. We were all staying for the same reasons -- good schools for our kids and being able to provide our children with opportunities and experiences they wouldn't have otherwise. (Not so much about designer clothes but money for music lessons or money so our kids could participate in team sports wearing safe equipment. We also worried about how divorce would affect them. But I know more women who'd stay for these reasons than I do otherwise. I found that interesting. I wonder how many of your readers would voluntarily stay if they inherited a large sum of money or won the lotto and were financially covered for the rest of their lives?
Confession #2786
I know you are cheating on me. I know you've been cheating on me for years. I was relieved when you said you had to leave for six months just so I wouldn't have to look at your lying face every day. And thanks for asking me before making that decision, you jerk. You think you can just go off and leave me with the kids so you can go play with the boys? You immature jerk. I know what you do on the computer late at night. But the most disgusting thing is that you LIE all the time. You make it seem like I'm to blame for the problems in my marriage -- what a laugh. I've never cheated on you because quite frankly, you have put me off sex for good. You think you are such a god in bed and that you "get off" on satisfying a woman -- you haven't satisfied me for years. The few times I put up with you in bed I fake it just to get it over with. And the only way I can even bring myself to do that is to pretend your someone else. You disgust me. You should take a look in the mirror one day, Mr. Sex God: you've got a pot belly and a really small dick and I laugh to myself to see that bald spot on your head getting bigger by the day.
I loved you and would have done anything for you. Until I found out that you were cheating. Oh yes: I know all about it. Don't you think I don't. But your not man enough to confess it, are you? Everytime you say you love me, I want to smash your head in. You only love yourself.
I'm only staying with you until the kids are older. And you have no idea what I've been up to while you've been gone. Take a close look at the bank statements, honey. I've been moving money around. Once I have enough, you are history.
You are a pathetic, lying, cheating scumbag -- just the kind of man I'll warn our daughters about. I'm done trying to save our marriage, now that I know you threw it away years ago.
Confession #2787
My love for you is sincere.
I have been praying and waiting on you for so long. The birth of our child was so wonderful, not my idea of how it was suppose to be. However, had I of known that being so carless would get us to where we are now I would have waited. I just can't get over your fucking lazy ass ways. Don't worry the idea of us getting together does cross my mind, but some how you manage to piss me off and remind me of why your not here. I even tell you what your problem is and you still haven't tried to fix it so screw you and this relationship. So now that you are gone someone else is temporarily filling your void. He doesn't have all his shit together either, but what he does embrace me as a woman and shows me the shit you and others have for so long been taking for granted. You know there is someone else I thought that would make you fight for us more, but you still do the same shit as before.. I know not to get too involved, but I can't promise you that if I let you come back I would let him go either.
Confession #2788
What a wonderful morning , I wake up after a long night of you touching me and making me feel so sexy. That is how you really stole my heart to begin with. Oh yeah.. your music is wonderful, the fancy restaurants were so much fun and the letters you wrote were amazing, but your touch... wow. When we were dating , you told me you wanted to wait until we were married for sexual intercourse. I had sexual intercourse for years in my first marriage, what I missed was what you were giving me, the time and touch. But honey, dont you think you really should have told me you are incapable of having sexual intercourse - that your peter has pooped? You are 15 years older than I am but with the foreplay I expected the sex to be out of this world. Well, it has been for the past 8 years, out of this world and into the world of massagers. I know.... I should have noticed this little detail in all the fore play, the fact the there was no well..... hardness. It really pisses me off. I think I have become a virgin again. I know, it sounds like I want my cake and I want to eat it too. Is there anything so wrong with that. At first it concerned you but now I think you are just darn lazy. Lay in bed, grab the massager and we can all be asleep in 5 minutes. ( It is a GOOD massager!) I want what you give me but I want to feel you inside me. I never have. That feels wrong. I mean, if I am horny and the electricity goes out - I am screwed. Well, you know what I mean. You are a wonderful man most of the time but could you please get off your ass and see why you cant have an erection? You can still jack off! YAH! FOR YOU!!!! ugh...... I think I messed up. Next time , I am marrying for money. Love didnt work. Sex is a joke. I want a house on an island a jet of my own.
Confession #2789
I miss you so badly when we aren't together. Yes, I know you need your space and I'm determined to give it to you. But I have needs too. I need to be part of a couple. All the time. Not just when it suits YOUR needs. What about MY needs? Don't they matter to you? I guess not. I feel so very alone when we aren't together. You could fix that. But you aren't. Should I give this relationship up and move on because of that?
Confession #2790
I just want to say that after this summer? Well, you can't hurt me anymore. You betrayed me. You lied to me. You absolutely devasted me. I questioned my worth, my decisions, my intelligence, competence, appearance, everything. And you still maintain that it was MY fault YOU had an affair. I'm still with you. I've been trying to work on our marriage. I've seen the therapist but you haven't. And I recently realized that I can no longer let myself fully love you. Because I would leave myself open. And I can't say for sure you WON'T do this again. Hell, YOU say, 'I can't promise you this won't happen again." And then you basically say, "If you start acting the way you used to..."
What I feel for you most of the time? Isn't love but indifference. You seem to think I should just give you my trust. You seem to think you have it again. Nope. That's just the indifference. You seem to think I've become more confident in you and the relationship. HA! THe reason I'm ok with your travel and guy's nights (you know to where you aren't home 5 out of 7 days due to work or your happy hours) is because I really like our house. But I also know I can't afford this house or school district on what I make or even could make. So I'm ok with you being gone so much. At least then I don't have to share custody time, can pay the bills AND not have to deal with you all that much.
I think if you realized alot of what I do now is due to indifference and that you can't really hurt me anymore, you'd take that as a personal challenge. You'd TRY to hurt me. Just to see if you could. You've always felt a compulsion to test my limits. But trust me. So the next time we get into a fight and you say something about how you might leave, you will be very surprised to find my response is: "I think that's a great idea. I'll help you pack."
Fucking asshole!
Monday, January 05, 2009
True Wife Confessions 278 resolutions
Confession #2771
I hate the way you stare at me when you are angry - and yes, I have spoken to you about it. But honestly, it makes me feel like a naughty 5 year old - when I have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop trying to be my father.
Confession #2772
Really??? You had an accident with the car, your car, and I am not supposed to get upset. Well, now you need my car, the family car to get back and forth. If you came home when you were supposed to, maybe it wouldn't have happened, but we will never know, now will we. when will this stop, your behavior continues to be reckless. I may have to leave to keep my self preservation. Anyway, I hope you get picked for jury duty. You need it. Personally, I am glad you are out of the house. Love you
Confession #2773
It occurs to me that you love me most when you are thousands of miles away. Take our Skype conversation just two days ago, you telling me how much you loved and missed me, and how when you got home you were going t lay me out on our bed and pleasure me orally just like I like (but you soooooooo rarely do). You say that to me when you're thousands of miles away because you think it's what I need to hear. The truth is I gave up believing those lines long ago because you NEVER, EVER follow through.
Ya know what my New Years resolution is? Your blowjobs will be in direct proportion to the amount of oral sex I receive. In other words; none for me = none for you. Let's see how you like the game of "tease and take away".
Confession #2774
I wonder if you realize just how much trouble our marriage is in. If
you understand the depth of my unhappiness.
We have been married for nearly a decade, together near 14 years.
That's a long time. We have two of the most beautiful children that
are a true pleasure, even when they are being pains in the ass.
Yet, you can't be bothered to remember an anniversary, Christmas or
birthday. I'm not exactly sure when you decided this was "OK". When
you were able to justify it so clearly to yourself and make it
alright.
You sat in therapy and put all the blame on me. She spends all the
money, so there's nothing left for me to buy her something for
Christmas or her birthday (or our anniversary apparently).
Now let's review the latter half of 2008. Christmas. When you ask me
at 10:05 PM on December 18th if you can still order my gift online,
I'm kinda thinking that's not a good sign, since the shipping cut-off
for Christmas was exactly 5 minutes earlier, dumbass. Oh, but wait, I
saved you again because I knew you would forget and I ordered it
myself. Real fucking classy babe.
Oh, and when you ask me what I want for Christmas, it's not the
smartest thing in the world to say, "Well do you need it?" with
complete snotty-ness in your voice. Really kills the dream, ya know.
So here we are 3 days from our anniversary. And I made sure you had
money in your account (not a huge amount, but enough you could get me
a card and a movie or a CD or some-fucking-thing. and you went to
lunch with it. AND TREATED A CO-WORKER TO LUNCH. So now, there is
nothing. Well, no. I have the same amount to buy YOU something. And
I will. And I will make dinner for us that night. And we will see
how this plays out.
And my birthday. I don't care about getting old, I really don't. But
you make me fucking dread my birthday because invariably someone will
be dumb enough to ask what you got me or what you had the kids give
me. And I'm tired of lying to make you look better. I really am.
and sex once a month is NOT normal. I'm so fucking sick of the
history of porn on your damn computer, but you can't be bothered to
fuck me. I can fucking dance naked in front of you and you'll just
ask me to step aside.
I'm tired of living in your universe. I want off this ride, but I
don't know how to make it stop. I love you, but I need to find myself
again and be me. I have no desire for our children to think this is
"normal" for a husband to not buy gifts for his wife.
Oh, and quit fucking arguing with me over gifts for the kids. I don't
buy too much, but I'm not fucking giving them 1 God-damn gift on
Christmas morning. That is shitting and you're a cheap bastard for
even suggesting it. We're not that fucking poor. And if we were,
maybe you should give up your precious iphone to save us money....oh
wait, that will never happen. I'm sorry, what was I thinking?!?
Confession #2775
I want a divorce for Christmas. I want you to quit fighting me over every stupid thing, because this is going to go to a judge, and he is going to give me everything I want. You know why? Because you have bugged my bedroom and my car, you have threatened our children, our daughter is afraid of you.
You claim you want to work things out, but you have been worse to me since I told you I was unhappy than you ever were before. Guess what? Being called a whore and a liar doesn't exactly make me fall back in love with you.
Oh, and by the way... I'm not divorcing you because of anyone else but YOU. I met someone AFTER I filed. But you would rather blame this on someone else. WHATEVER. I'm done
Confession #2776
I know that we have been married almost 7 years and that we have two small children and that overall, we have been disconnected for quite some time. What I don't understand is why you think that by doing nothing, it will magically get better and how you are unable to let anything go, in order to take a first step toward doing so?
I know that I am the one who pulled away from you first. You know why. Because you are highly critical and controlling and because I am just sensitive enough to hold onto it all. I know that our infertility issues didn't help our sex life either. I realize that you are a man and that men have different needs than women do, at least in certain times of life.
It just seems like I am always the one doing all of the trying. All of the changing. All of the counseling. Reading relationship books, trying to open the lines of communication, trying to get you to be a bit more in tune with REAL LIFE and trying to get you to understand that we are a team, with alot on our plate and that sometimes in life, people aren't always in love and having hot sex.
By constantly being negative and not lifting a finger where our marriage is concerned, you are alienating me/us more and more each day. You are a great dad and you do help me around the house....but you just can't make yourself lighten up enough to actually love me unconditionally, which in turn, would get you the sex that you are throwing our entire relationship away over.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry that you are not getting laid enough right now. I am sorry that you choose a high pressured job and that we live in an expensive home and that you honestly choose to believe that everyone but you is having sex. I am sorry that we have two small children under 3 and that you don't want to believe that finding time for each other is a problem for alot of married couples with small children. I am sorry that you cannot get on board with me and accept that if we treat each other with respect and remain the best of friends through the rough times, that in the end, we'll be lovers again easily. Really, though, while I am sorry....I don't really care anymore.
I am so sick and tired of feeling like we have reached some sort of an understanding and then watching you slide right back into your critical, negative personality. I would leave you right now, if it weren't for our kids. I might leave you when they are grown, but I still think it would hurt them too much. I suppose instead though, I 'll just keep taking anti-depressants to try and get through the day with you, find a few good friends to laugh with, consider this the bed I made and just go ahead and accept it.
Confession #2777
You are the BEST when it comes to picking gifts for your mom and our
kids. The absolute best. You suck at picking presents for me,
though. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but honestly it hurts my
feelings that you don't care enough to try. I mean, a coffee mug with
your company logo on it? Are you retarded?
Confession #2778
It seems things can only go along well for so long, and then we hit another wall. Tonight, I am sick and tired of listening to you go on and on about wonderful Wyoming and how you dream of retiring there. Go ahead. Retire there. ALONE. I don't want to live in yet another city inhabited with yet another of your ex-wives looking over my shoulder, reporting my every move. And I sure as hell don't want to live in the sticks and wilderness that is Wyoming ... at least the Wyoming you've shown me thus far. For God sake man, you lived there 20 plus years ago, and you remember it as a young boy. Time has a way of easing memory and turning a dull place into something magical. It's that "magic" that you are recalling honey, but the reality is that it's bloody cold there and it's DULLSVILLE. You wanna go live in the sticks? Have at it, but you'll be packing up your house all by yourself and you'll be living that way in wonderful Wyoming. I love you, but I cannot stand the thought of being yanked out of the big city that makes me feel alive. Not for the freedom and fresh air and sorry babe, not for you. Can't do it. Won't do it. Stop making the sales pitch, I'm just not buying it.
Confession #2779
Has it ever occurred to you that shopping is my way of managing the stress of living with you? That my shopping jags are the way I fill some kind of empty emotional void? That you yelling at me for shopping with MY MONEY only inspires me to go out and spend more of MY MONEY?
Confession #2780
When I was telling you about the woman that came into my work and had
just had lipo and I'd made a comment that'd I'd love lipo on my
stomach, your response threw me off.
"Would you ever consider gastric bypass?"
I know I'm fat. Technically "morbidly obese". But I'm still active.
I know I need to lose weight, let's just get that out of the way.
There is NO denial about my size or that for my health, I need to lose
weight.
But here's the thing. You've always like "big" girls. You were the
one person I felt completely safe with, that I never thought would
make me feel bad about my weight (well, other than your Mom, but
that's because she's a living saint).
And when you said the thing about the surgery, you said it so quickly,
without missing a beat. Which means you've been thinking about it.
Which would also explain our sex life or lack there of.
In 14 years of being with you, I never thought it would come to that.
I hate the way you stare at me when you are angry - and yes, I have spoken to you about it. But honestly, it makes me feel like a naughty 5 year old - when I have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop trying to be my father.
Confession #2772
Really??? You had an accident with the car, your car, and I am not supposed to get upset. Well, now you need my car, the family car to get back and forth. If you came home when you were supposed to, maybe it wouldn't have happened, but we will never know, now will we. when will this stop, your behavior continues to be reckless. I may have to leave to keep my self preservation. Anyway, I hope you get picked for jury duty. You need it. Personally, I am glad you are out of the house. Love you
Confession #2773
It occurs to me that you love me most when you are thousands of miles away. Take our Skype conversation just two days ago, you telling me how much you loved and missed me, and how when you got home you were going t lay me out on our bed and pleasure me orally just like I like (but you soooooooo rarely do). You say that to me when you're thousands of miles away because you think it's what I need to hear. The truth is I gave up believing those lines long ago because you NEVER, EVER follow through.
Ya know what my New Years resolution is? Your blowjobs will be in direct proportion to the amount of oral sex I receive. In other words; none for me = none for you. Let's see how you like the game of "tease and take away".
Confession #2774
I wonder if you realize just how much trouble our marriage is in. If
you understand the depth of my unhappiness.
We have been married for nearly a decade, together near 14 years.
That's a long time. We have two of the most beautiful children that
are a true pleasure, even when they are being pains in the ass.
Yet, you can't be bothered to remember an anniversary, Christmas or
birthday. I'm not exactly sure when you decided this was "OK". When
you were able to justify it so clearly to yourself and make it
alright.
You sat in therapy and put all the blame on me. She spends all the
money, so there's nothing left for me to buy her something for
Christmas or her birthday (or our anniversary apparently).
Now let's review the latter half of 2008. Christmas. When you ask me
at 10:05 PM on December 18th if you can still order my gift online,
I'm kinda thinking that's not a good sign, since the shipping cut-off
for Christmas was exactly 5 minutes earlier, dumbass. Oh, but wait, I
saved you again because I knew you would forget and I ordered it
myself. Real fucking classy babe.
Oh, and when you ask me what I want for Christmas, it's not the
smartest thing in the world to say, "Well do you need it?" with
complete snotty-ness in your voice. Really kills the dream, ya know.
So here we are 3 days from our anniversary. And I made sure you had
money in your account (not a huge amount, but enough you could get me
a card and a movie or a CD or some-fucking-thing. and you went to
lunch with it. AND TREATED A CO-WORKER TO LUNCH. So now, there is
nothing. Well, no. I have the same amount to buy YOU something. And
I will. And I will make dinner for us that night. And we will see
how this plays out.
And my birthday. I don't care about getting old, I really don't. But
you make me fucking dread my birthday because invariably someone will
be dumb enough to ask what you got me or what you had the kids give
me. And I'm tired of lying to make you look better. I really am.
and sex once a month is NOT normal. I'm so fucking sick of the
history of porn on your damn computer, but you can't be bothered to
fuck me. I can fucking dance naked in front of you and you'll just
ask me to step aside.
I'm tired of living in your universe. I want off this ride, but I
don't know how to make it stop. I love you, but I need to find myself
again and be me. I have no desire for our children to think this is
"normal" for a husband to not buy gifts for his wife.
Oh, and quit fucking arguing with me over gifts for the kids. I don't
buy too much, but I'm not fucking giving them 1 God-damn gift on
Christmas morning. That is shitting and you're a cheap bastard for
even suggesting it. We're not that fucking poor. And if we were,
maybe you should give up your precious iphone to save us money....oh
wait, that will never happen. I'm sorry, what was I thinking?!?
Confession #2775
I want a divorce for Christmas. I want you to quit fighting me over every stupid thing, because this is going to go to a judge, and he is going to give me everything I want. You know why? Because you have bugged my bedroom and my car, you have threatened our children, our daughter is afraid of you.
You claim you want to work things out, but you have been worse to me since I told you I was unhappy than you ever were before. Guess what? Being called a whore and a liar doesn't exactly make me fall back in love with you.
Oh, and by the way... I'm not divorcing you because of anyone else but YOU. I met someone AFTER I filed. But you would rather blame this on someone else. WHATEVER. I'm done
Confession #2776
I know that we have been married almost 7 years and that we have two small children and that overall, we have been disconnected for quite some time. What I don't understand is why you think that by doing nothing, it will magically get better and how you are unable to let anything go, in order to take a first step toward doing so?
I know that I am the one who pulled away from you first. You know why. Because you are highly critical and controlling and because I am just sensitive enough to hold onto it all. I know that our infertility issues didn't help our sex life either. I realize that you are a man and that men have different needs than women do, at least in certain times of life.
It just seems like I am always the one doing all of the trying. All of the changing. All of the counseling. Reading relationship books, trying to open the lines of communication, trying to get you to be a bit more in tune with REAL LIFE and trying to get you to understand that we are a team, with alot on our plate and that sometimes in life, people aren't always in love and having hot sex.
By constantly being negative and not lifting a finger where our marriage is concerned, you are alienating me/us more and more each day. You are a great dad and you do help me around the house....but you just can't make yourself lighten up enough to actually love me unconditionally, which in turn, would get you the sex that you are throwing our entire relationship away over.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry that you are not getting laid enough right now. I am sorry that you choose a high pressured job and that we live in an expensive home and that you honestly choose to believe that everyone but you is having sex. I am sorry that we have two small children under 3 and that you don't want to believe that finding time for each other is a problem for alot of married couples with small children. I am sorry that you cannot get on board with me and accept that if we treat each other with respect and remain the best of friends through the rough times, that in the end, we'll be lovers again easily. Really, though, while I am sorry....I don't really care anymore.
I am so sick and tired of feeling like we have reached some sort of an understanding and then watching you slide right back into your critical, negative personality. I would leave you right now, if it weren't for our kids. I might leave you when they are grown, but I still think it would hurt them too much. I suppose instead though, I 'll just keep taking anti-depressants to try and get through the day with you, find a few good friends to laugh with, consider this the bed I made and just go ahead and accept it.
Confession #2777
You are the BEST when it comes to picking gifts for your mom and our
kids. The absolute best. You suck at picking presents for me,
though. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but honestly it hurts my
feelings that you don't care enough to try. I mean, a coffee mug with
your company logo on it? Are you retarded?
Confession #2778
It seems things can only go along well for so long, and then we hit another wall. Tonight, I am sick and tired of listening to you go on and on about wonderful Wyoming and how you dream of retiring there. Go ahead. Retire there. ALONE. I don't want to live in yet another city inhabited with yet another of your ex-wives looking over my shoulder, reporting my every move. And I sure as hell don't want to live in the sticks and wilderness that is Wyoming ... at least the Wyoming you've shown me thus far. For God sake man, you lived there 20 plus years ago, and you remember it as a young boy. Time has a way of easing memory and turning a dull place into something magical. It's that "magic" that you are recalling honey, but the reality is that it's bloody cold there and it's DULLSVILLE. You wanna go live in the sticks? Have at it, but you'll be packing up your house all by yourself and you'll be living that way in wonderful Wyoming. I love you, but I cannot stand the thought of being yanked out of the big city that makes me feel alive. Not for the freedom and fresh air and sorry babe, not for you. Can't do it. Won't do it. Stop making the sales pitch, I'm just not buying it.
Confession #2779
Has it ever occurred to you that shopping is my way of managing the stress of living with you? That my shopping jags are the way I fill some kind of empty emotional void? That you yelling at me for shopping with MY MONEY only inspires me to go out and spend more of MY MONEY?
Confession #2780
When I was telling you about the woman that came into my work and had
just had lipo and I'd made a comment that'd I'd love lipo on my
stomach, your response threw me off.
"Would you ever consider gastric bypass?"
I know I'm fat. Technically "morbidly obese". But I'm still active.
I know I need to lose weight, let's just get that out of the way.
There is NO denial about my size or that for my health, I need to lose
weight.
But here's the thing. You've always like "big" girls. You were the
one person I felt completely safe with, that I never thought would
make me feel bad about my weight (well, other than your Mom, but
that's because she's a living saint).
And when you said the thing about the surgery, you said it so quickly,
without missing a beat. Which means you've been thinking about it.
Which would also explain our sex life or lack there of.
In 14 years of being with you, I never thought it would come to that.
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