Monday, July 28, 2008

True Wife Confession 263 Buffalo Gals

Confession #2621

I know you didn't have to come back this morning and "take care of" that (huge, disgusting, prehistoric) roach in my classroom this morning. And I know you really, really, really didn't want to! I wasn't expecting you to come, I TOLD you it was okay, that I would figure out how to deal with it. I didn't know what I was going to do, because roaches make me gag even when I don't have morning sickness, and just looking at this one made me throw up! And then there you were, my hero! No one could have a better husband than you; I can't think of anything you wouldn't do for me, no matter how annoying or trivial. And you don't think I'm a spoiled brat because I wanted my big strong man to come deal with a bug, that is the crazy part. I love you! Thanks a million!!

Confession #2622

You look really hot in you new Utilikilt.

I think you should wear it all the time.

Confession #2623

There are many times that you drive me crazy. Like stick a fork in your jugular crazy. But when the shit hits the fan, you have my back 100 %. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Confession #2624

Our marriage is dying and you don't seem to hear the death knoll. We almost divorced years ago but I agreed to stay and work it out. I sought counseling, I prayed, I rediscovered my passions, and tried to better myself. And you have stayed the same. When I am home you spend the whole evening on the computer or watch television or even play with the dogs...anything but spend time with me. I put up with it for the past few years and continued to live my life, accepting our marriage as is. But now, I think I may be falling in love with another man. And still you do nothing! Do you know how hard it is for me to stay faithful to you? After all the crying and begging and nagging, you still have not changed and stay closed off to me. When I ask for what I need, you will deny me, no matter what the request. Though you will move mountains for your friends and family, you "trust" me enough to give me crumbs and to lash out at me when you are unhappy. Even when you encourage my dreams, it is always with an addendum of how you will profit from them as you proudly brag that you want me to be the "sugar mama". I feel like all you want is for me to sit quietly and be at your call to have sex with you when you want stress relief or to take care of you like a mother. I am giving up and I know if I stop putting forth the effort, this marriage will suffocate since I've been putting forth all the effort so far. I am truly and deeply sorry, my darling. I loved you once and my only wish was for us to be happy together. You are a good man and I hope one day you will be able to find the woman that makes you want to open up and love without limitations. Obviously, that woman is not me.

Confession #2625

Im going to state a fact that i have never stated before........I WAS RAPED!

I never said it before because i always thought that it was my fault or that i remembered it wrong.....but the more i am in therapy for something completly diffrent the more i realize that IT WASNT MY FAULT AND IM NOT REMEMBERING IT WRONG....I FUCKING SAID NO DAMNIT! who cares if i was too drunk to walk away or to put up a fight. I was 19 years old, I was drunk....and you drove me home....SHAME ON YOU FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME! SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS THE SLUT, SHAME ON YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE EVEN THOUGH I SAID NO I WANTED IT ANYWAY!

Why havent I said anything before this you may ask.....I didnt want my husband or my family to think of me as "tainted" and yes in a way i did feel like it was my fault, i was flirting with him and i was drunk, maybe i asked for it!

So there i finally said it I WAS RAPED.....AND NO I DIDNT DESERVE IT!!!

However i think i may keep this inside for a little while longer before telling my husband...or for that matter my therapist! It scares the shit out of me!

Confession #2626

It's great that you want to buy a house for us, but I'd rather you bought me a ring.

Confession #2627

I may sound crazy but hubby, you will never believe it wen i say dat I get off by fantasizing you masturbating or fucking another younger woman.

It turns me on in such a pervasive way tat when i found out abt yr affair wif a younger, sexy girl, I was shocked and amazed. Hurt, yes, but amazed dat my fantasy is now a REALITY,.

I hate you but I can never confess to u openly dat I have been having orgasms picturing you fucking another lady and loving it!!

Confession #2628

Well after 14 years of marriage I did it. I slept with another man. I have no guilt, no fear of getting caught. Do I love him? No, but he gives me what I need. Somehow over the past 5 years my husband has lost his stamina and I got tired. I find myself pondering why I'm still married. I honestly believe it is just easier to stay and get what I need elsewhere. I can only say what I believe and in my heart of hearts I deserved this and needed this. It was so worth it..he put it on me! I feel secure in this so called relationship I'm having with this other man. Funny thing about it he is married too. This is such a dangerous game, this I know. However I life is so short and if I deserve to be happy. If this man can do that for me then to me it is so worth it.

Confession #2629

I am curious about sex. My husband and I have only ever been with each other because of our religious beliefs so my experience is limited. I see on movies and sitcoms that men can orgasm over and over and have sex multiple times, one right after another. Once my husband cums...that's it. We would have to at least a few hours before he's ready to try again. Sometimes I find it frustrating because I'm often ready to go again while he conks out. Even when he wants to try again...nothing happens until he's had a break. I wonder if this is normal or if it's just something that I'm not doing right.

Confession #2630

I am so disappointed in myself. And so jealous of her. We are the same age. We both graduated from high school the same year, went to college and both have a bachelor's degree. She makes $50,000 a year and I make $14.00 an hour. I feel like a failure. That should be me. I'm just as smart, just as capable as her. The difference? I have 2 kids. The position she was given over me requires her to travel 75% of the time. I am not in a position to do that because of my children. I cannot be away from home for extended periods of time and overnight. I love my children so why do I resent them and feel like they are holding me back from a promotion? When I see her in the office (she has an office with a door and I work FOR her from a cubicle), I feel insufficient. I doubt myself. She is going on to get her master's. I can barely afford $200 a week in daycare, I can't even consider going back to school. She immediately got a job in her field of study after college and has 7+ years experience. Me? I worked at a zoo, then for a graphics company, then I had a baby and another baby. Now that I actually have a job relevant to my degree I have zero experience. If I hadn't married young, if I hadn't started a family so soon, if I had chosen a career path and stuck to it - I could be where she is. My husband has a good job, but does not even have a college education and he makes $20 an hour. My self esteem is in the toilet. I know I can't compare the joy of having two beautiful, healthy children to having a career, but I will be fully honest and say I wish I was where she is instead of where I am. And I get even more depressed about feeling that way.

Friday, July 18, 2008

So, do ya wanna be a blogger?

Now seeking funny, witty, acerbic, erudite, urbane, caustic peeps to help out on Desperately Seeking...Something

Must not be faint of heart or stomach.

Men, women and any other humans welcome to apply.

Hit me with your best shot at:


Monday, July 14, 2008

True Wife Confessions 262 pyrrhic victories

Confession #2611

Last night my hubs and I were bringing the laptop into our room so we could watch a "movie" and eat some homemade ice cream. Trying to make it a little more interesting, I put on my sexiest bra and tank-top. When he walked in the room and saw me with my boobs busting out he said, "woah, I thought we were going to watch a movie?"
Guess what the movie was....a frontline documentary on the war....

I didn't want lovin' right then, I was thinking maybe after the "movie." Or perhaps by some SMALL chance he might find me attractive for once and want me more then frontline. I just wanted to be noticed. I stayed in the skimpies long enough to eat my ice cream, but when he didn't look at me the whole time, I changed out and covered up.

He asked, "you changed?" -duh- I was feeling sexy, but that feeling came crashing down when it was apparent you wanted to watch about the war more then you wanted me. I wonder how long it will take me to feel like loving again this time.... and you wonder why I have a hard time initiating sex. you never want it!!!

Confession #2612

I've known you for what feels like my entire life. First we were friends, then we fell out of touch, then we fell in love. We've only been together two years. We've been living together for a year, and we just got a new place. Everything is so perfect, I somehow love you more every day. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You are my best friend, my support, my soul mate. My family and friends think you are perfect. We've talked about marriage and how you know I am the one and someday we will be married and have children. But I feel guilty, because everyday I get more anxious and grow more tired of people asking me "When will you two get married?" "Has he proposed?" "Wait, you moved in with him without a ring?". Instead of enjoying our relationship, I agonize over this stupid proposal and all the white noise. I need to remember that our relationship is wonderful the way it is, and I don't need a ring to prove to myself or anyone else that you and I will be together for the rest of our lives. We'll get there when we get there.

Confession #2613

Two years ago I allowed my dear, sweet, almost perfect husband to sleep with ( well, fuck, really) my cousin. This was my idea and I asked them separately if they would be interested. She was going through a very bad time in her life and needed to feel sexually attractive as well as sexually satisfied. She is a beautiful woman who does not sleep around, and her husband was ignoring her. I love them both so much and trust them both so much. I have never looked back on my decision and my cousin and I are as close as we have ever been. I would never stand for my husband cheating on me but this seemed like something different to me; it was me helping my beloved cousin. We've never skipped a beat since then, and we've never talked about it. It kinda felt like I lent her a really good mechanic, as strange as that may sound. It feels really grown up, to know that I can give my sweet cousin ANYTHING I can to help her and not feel like it has taken anything away from me. And also that my husband can do the same; they are the friends they have always been. This may seem strange to some, but this worked in my family

Confession #2614

Your aunt is the biggest bitch! There I said it. She sent me the nastiest email the other day, implying that I wasn’t grateful enough for the present that #### had made for #####, I said thank you and made sure everyone knew….what the fuck else am I supposed to do…..naked jumping jacks! No one can stand her, everyone talks behind her back about what a mean spirited bitch she is…..and you always think its #### fault for instigating it, well guess what, for once ### is completely innocent. Nothing is ever good enough for your aunt, nothing. And she seems to have absolutely no clue that words can hurt people’s feelings and make them dislike you. I wonder if she even knows that other people have FEELINGS.! She is just bitter. I really think she doesn’t have enough love in her life, she never had children, I think that would have made all the difference, because I know she wanted them but couldn’t and choose not to adopt. I work with a woman that is the same way, she had the desire for bio children and couldn’t, and now that she is in her 50’s she is bitter and mean. I am sick of pretending that I either like or don’t mind spending time with her, cause I don’t even wanna be on the same planet with her.

But the rest of your family I totally love, they are the greatest bunch of people and I’m happy to call them my family! They sure beat the last bunch of in laws I had, my ex-mil would pretend that she didn’t know who I was when I would call her. And my ex-sil told me once that 10 years in the future I would be fat sitting on the coach with no job and a bunch of brats running around me and she would have some great job being a news reporter. Well guess how that turned out, yep, she dropped out of journalism school due to a pregnancy and now sits around the house with a bunch of kids, and I have a wonderful husband, child and a great high paying job. So there bitch, fuck you! HA.

Confession #2615

How sad is it that I was looking forward to going to a funeral just so I could see my ex-co-worker? Since I left that office I think of him more than I think of my husband.

Confession #2616

My sweet angel,

You are the perfect man. I am the luckiest person to have you in my life. I think anyone who doesn't get you or felt the need to leave you behind just doesn't get it. They just don't understand you. And they don't deserve you.

You have a beautiful mind, and heart. I adore you. I can't wait to grow old with you and be next to you every day. I want to have kids with you and a house. YOu make me so happy. I love that I can communicate with you just using my mind. And that I feel the things that you feel, no matter how that is. I love to be with you, no mater how either of us are doing. It's just comforting to know that I have you and you have me.

I love seeing your beautiful face. I love to see you sleep, smile and just look at me. I love the way that you look at me. It gives me butterflies. You have the most beautiful expressive eyes. the most gorgeous, sweet happy smile. I can't tell you how good it feels to touch you or be touched by you. Most of the time, I can't keep my hands off of you. Just seeing a naked body part of yours turns me on. Hell, just being close to you turns me on. I just want to be together with you every minute.

You are everything I could ever imagine wanting in a partner. You are loving, sweet, beautiful, caring. You are amazing. Every minute, I can't wait until the next minute that I can spend with you and touch you and love you.

I hope that we are this in love forever. You are the best thing in the world. Thank you for being my amazing husband. I love you.

Confession #2617

I confess I don't want to be here. After last year and hearing that you 'still loved me, but weren't IN love with me.' I didn't know what to do with myself. It hurt more than I had ever hurt before. I couldn't imagine how anyone could say that to someone. How can you just let something so special get away from you? You never told me you were unhappy or there were things that needed to change. It was just BAM. But, we talked, you said you wanted to be here, we worked on it. We worked hard. At first, it was just me. I felt like a love sick teenager, but i wanted our connection back.

NOW IT'S MY TURN. You took and took and took. You are back to the person that 'fell out of love in the first place. There's no wonder. You 'said' it was because I was being mean. Well, now that I have been watching things closely, I see how it goes. You are completely retarded socially, emotionally. Right near psychotic. If you don't agree with why I am upset or what my need is, then it doesn't exist.

I don't know how much more I can handle. I have tried to teach you how society does things for each other. How not to put too much on yourself. We've talked and talked about what our needs are. I've got to the point where I don't care. I am just angry now. It's been 11 years.

LISTEN. DO SOMETHING. Stop making up excuses. Stop being so lazy. MAKE ME A PRIORITY.

I don't fuss, bitch or anything. We do things your way now. Take your stupid mid day naps. Leave me alone with our kid. We don't mind each other. We just wish you liked us enough to spend that time with us...but NO. It's too hot, or too cold, or too slow, or too....


Confession #2618

I never use to be the jealous type until I met and fell head over heels in love with you. I'm not even sure why I'm now the jealous type. I am very confident with myself so that is not the issue, hell I just did a commercial and training video for a national wide company. I have game - at least I think I do anyway...

I do trust you fully...however, I do not trust the girls that approach you always asking you where I am, are we still together - if she's not treating you right you know where to find me.

They know the only time I'm not out is when my little boy is with me for the weekend and I refuse to get a sitter unlike them - who could care less where their kids are. They don't care though they still approach you even when I am with you for the night - even though we can be out but not joined at your hip for the night.

WTF is that all about? - We've been dating and living together for over 2 years. All you girls see is a good looking guy who has a great job.

So go ahead beotches - keep looking because that's all you'll be doing!

Confession #2619

After my husband and I were married, his uncle (who loves to dig into family history) informed us that we were distantly related - 5th cousins. It has been a nightmare lurking in the back of my mind ever since. His family thinks it's a huge joke and often will bring it up when discussing family skeletons in the closets. We live in a place where this isn't too uncommon but every once and awhile I will dredge up this horrible secret and it just makes me feel sick. There is no way we could have known this information unless we had researched our family trees beforehand. I sometimes wonder what we would have done had we known before we got married. I always try to talk myself out of feeling horrified by it, but it sometimes makes me cringe. I worry that we get along so well because we have similar genes or something like that. I have never been able to talk about it with anyone. Our first daughter was born with disabilities and although we have gone through countless genetic tests with her and the specialists have all been unconcerned with our related status, I still have this paralyzing fear that her disabilities are because of it. Our second daughter was born with no disabilities but this fear is just lurking below the surface.

Confession #2620

I have to be stand up, all the time. I do everything all the time, but not by choice. I didn't want to be the wife of a traveling soldier, I wanted to be your wife. Thats it, so the other day when I was tearing the carburetor of the lawn mower apart, as instructed by my dad over the phone, I really really just wanted you to be home. Not because you know how to do it correctly, cause you don't- its why you don't do home repairs, but just because you would of been sitting on the ground with me agreeing that the part I shouldn't of pulled off- was probably a fuel line.
Or today when friends took our monkey for a play date then asked if they could keep her over night, I could hear her giggling in the back ground and I know they'll treat her well. But now I'm sitting here by myself at 130 in the morning wondering if the fact that I didn't pack her night time cuddle toys is good enough an excuse to get her right now.
There is stuff I could cuss you about, but thats life. Its not a movie and I don't want it to be, cause its all the bad stuff that makes you better then everyone else. Its why I stand beside your choice to let this be your career path, even if we're only really together every other year. I hate to say it, but I don't think that most men could be half the father and husband you are when you aren't in the country and thats pretty sad for them. Just right now, I wish you were home. I wish that the world was more stable and maybe you weren't such a stand up guy. I know that you are really worried about making sure we're taken care of and I don't think anyone would sacrifice themselves as much as you do to make sure that your family is taken care of.
I just wish you were home, I don't have anyone to talk to about the things I talk to you about. I feel like I have to edit myself for my friends because I know if I could talk to them as openly as I do you, I would lose half of them. But I can't say any of this to them, or you. Cause you all depend on me. They all complain about their trivial things and I know in their lives it is important stuff, just to me its like, "you're still breathing, your husband is in your bed," and I can't say that. And I can't tell you that today I wanted to fly monkey to her grand parents and take the rest of the month off and just sell the house and be free for a bit. I know that this is all trivial to you, it has to be, think of where you are. Its why I can't say it. Its why I can't sleep. Its why I want to cry but don't. No, I never wanted to be the wife of a soldier, I just wanted to be your wife.

Monday, July 07, 2008

True Wife Confessions 261 mosquito bites

Confession #2601

Dear (soon to be) Husband,

I'm lying here, recovering from the migraine that struck last night, marveling at how absolutely amazing you are. I woke you up early on your day off to grab something for me, and you didn't complain. I asked you to run and get food, snacks, and medicine, and you didn't complain. You came home, asked if it were okay to run around this afternoon with your brother-in-law, kissed me, and have texted me all day to check in and let me know you love me.

I can be an angry bitch sometimes, and I SUCK at housekeeping, but you put up with me, day in and day out, with a smile. There are times I wish you would be more affectionate outside the bedroom, but you let me know in so many other ways how much you love and value me, that it becomes less of an issue every day.

I have a stronger sex drive than you. We both know it, and you only occasionally tease me about how many batteries I go through. Here's my confession: I tried to fantasize about someone else, once, while playing with myself after work. I felt like I was cheating, and couldn't get off until I switched my fantasy back to you. Yes, sometimes I include other people, or things you wouldn't or don't like to do, but your face is always at the forefront of my dirtiest desires. And you often play those out for me in bed. I still want and need you, and can't imagine ever sleeping in this bed without you (except on nights when you toss and turn and snore, and go sleep on the sofa with out me asking, just to make sure I sleep).

You are the most incredible, loving, caring man.

Thank you :)

Confession #2602

I've been on the road five days now with our three kids in a minivan, taking them to visit extended family. I miss having someone to hand the kids off to at regular intervals, but other than that I am much happier without you.

Confession #2603

I'm a 44 yr. white woman and I have hair on my nipples. Now this may not be shocking but what is,is that normally in the past I'd get one every now and then and I'd just pluck them but now I swear I have to check and pluck every day! WTF? Is this normal because I'm getting older? I'm a blonde with very sparse fine white hair on my arms, white eyebrows, very little leg hair and yet I am plagued by course, dark hairs on my nipples and belly. This is driving me mad and I don't want to talk to my GF's about it because I'm afraid it's just me! Is this a white woman thing or do all women of all races deal with this? What, if anything, can be done about it?

Thanks Girls!!

Confession #2604

I need passion. I need to feel like someone wants me so much that they just might die. I need someone to tell me that I mean everything in the world to them and that in their eyes I am the most beautiful amazing women to ever walk the earth.

I love you with all my heart, but you NEVER compliment me unless I directly ask you to, or unless we are having sex. You are wonderful, and you treat me well, but I need some kind of romance. It would be nice to once in a while feel pretty, or smart, or talented.

The books I read, the shows and movies I watch, the music I listen to, it's all filled with passion, romance, anger, sadness, anything that's completely strong because that is what I am missing. But I want it for real, not just in some fantasy world.

If you can't even find one specific thing to tell me you love about me then what does that say about me?

Confession #2605

The simple truth is that I do love you, but your behavior hurts me and I don't know if it's worth it any more to hang in there and wait for this issue to pass. I don't know if I want to stay in hopes that we work things out. I don't know if I even want to try.

Confession #2606

Your decision to give me the silent treatment may be giving you great satisfaction, but it is helping me realize that I can live quite happily without talking with you. If you never come back to my bed, I think that is all right. 1

Confession #2607

Sometimes I want to call your ex-wife and ask her why she divorced you, just to see if you did the same stupid shit to her that you do to me.

Confession #2608

I am trying very hard to forgive you, but you keep showing bits of the behaviors I don't want to be around anymore. I am not sure how to explain it to you because I know you are trying, but I am not sure how far I can go with all of this. Honey, this is bad, real bad because when I look at you all I see are the choices you made in the past and not the man I want to be with. Anyway, I love you but I am not sure if I want to be with you. Let's enjoy the holiday and try not to yell the whole time because we can't see eye to eye on the kids, the dog the bbq or anything at all right now.

Confession #2609

Maybe your inability to get an erection does mean something is wrong between us.

Confession #2610

Thank you for giving in to my desire to adopt this rabbit. I know that animals aren't your thing, and it horrifies you that this rabbit is living in our bedroom, with a giant bunny litterbox....but thank you.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

True Wife Confessions 260 Franklin Magic square

Confession #2591

You’ve been working so much lately. It’s been really difficult for me to deal with. But getting those flowers you sent, just because you miss me, made me realize why I’m with you.

Thanks for the reminder of why I love you sweetie.

Confession #2592

I am very glad that you all, my college friends are doing so well. I am glad you are all so happily married and have such great high-paying jobs. I really am. You are my friends and I want all of you to be happy but DAMN would it kill any of you to show a little consideration for me, the single mom in the group, when we make plans to get together? Last Fall I had to beg, borrow and steal (okay not really steal) to scrape up the $$ for my share of that mountain cabin we rented for our reunion weekend, but it was worth it. We all had a great time and our children really hit it off. I am way to proud to tell you to your faces that I had to pack pb&j sandwiches for lunch, sit home weekends when I didn’t have my children, and borrow money from my mother to make that happen. My thoughts were that if all of you can afford a really nice place with lots of amenities, it would not be fair of me to ask you to slum it to accommodate me. Now you are talking about doing the same thing this Fall and I have a big decision to make. Weighing into this balance are my two children who have already begun to ask when we are going back because we did have a great time. That is not really the reason for this rant, although it does add to my angst.

What really pisses me off is this weekend. We were all getting together for a cookout this weekend and the host of the cookout said anyone who needs to spend the night is welcome. Since I have to drive the farthest (3 hours one way) I kind of figured that offer was extended to me specifically. So we make the plans exchanging lots of emails over the course of a couple of weeks, almost 2 months ago. 1 month ago we get an email from one family backing out but the rest of us are all still on. Then I don’t hear anything for a month so I send out an email “Hey guys! Can’t wait for this weekend. Let me know if I can bring anything!” The email I get back is from our hosts saying “Oh gosh. Sorry. More people backed out and now M has a business trip so we have to cancel the overnight thing but hey why don’t we do lunch Sunday!” WHAT? Do you seriously expect me to take a 6 year-old and a 7 year-old on a 6 hour round trip in the middle of summer with gas $4.00 a gallon for LUNCH! I can’t even describe to you what a hell trip that would be, but I don’t have to because you have kids so you already know. Now I have two children who were looking forward to a sleep-over at their friends’ house who have to be told it is cancelled. One of them, in particular, is going to be heartbroken. How is it that you don’t get that? And all of it I could understand. Shit happens…except I get the idea that it didn’t just happen this week. How long have you known about the change in plans. Was I talking to my kids about this weekend and getting them all excited about it after you decided to uninvite us? I think so. And I would usually be the last to put words into someone else’s mouth, but I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I can just take the kids somewhere else this weekend to make this up to them. WRONG! I can not afford a replacement trip that will come anywhere near making them forget about the one they were looking forward to. I am a single mom. I have gone back to school so I can get a job that will allow me to take better care of my family on my own. Just because I don’t complain about my finances does not mean they are not an issue.

You know, it is not just you guys, but this was really the straw that broke the camel’s back. I am so sick and tired and emotionally exhausted from dealing with people whose word means nothing. Am I the only person left on the planet who considers their word to be their bond? If I say I am going to do something, I fucking do it! If circumstances beyond my control prevent me from doing it (and how often does that ever really happen?) I do everything in my power to make it right for the people I have disappointed. And what really sucks is that in my children’s eyes I am the one who let them down. I am the one who promised an awesome weekend and didn’t deliver. Know what? I just made up my mind. We are not going to the mountains this fall. My children will be sorry to miss time with their friends but I doubt you are raising them to be any more considerate than you are, so maybe we will all be better off.

Confession #2593

Im having an affair.....something I never thought I would do. Everyday I want to touch and look and feel something. I search for a way to be better at my be happier - but whoever said we were supposed to be happy every day in our marriages? SO back to this affair........I do this everyday when I come home from work - I am completely focused on this one thing and cant help but feel like I am cheating.........I am having an affair with my PC. It has taken over my life somehow and it now takes more of my time then anything else...........I am constantly looking, searching, reading, posting, blogging. Maybe it comes from my husband playing video games all the time..........I dont know..............but I dont like it..........then again how else am I going to feel anything.........

Confession #2594

I have a broken foot and you keep telling me I have to stay off it to get better. I stopped working, The kids are away, and I am reading my book, now at the computer and you are out riding your motorcycle and are mad at me because I wouldn't go with you to walk around the carfest. Are you OK?? Oh yeah and what do I make for dinner asshole?

Confession #2595

Last weekend youre friends went out drinking and got into a bar fight.

You didnt go, but yesterday you tell me "if i would have gone i would have gotten in a fight and gone to jail"

What the fuck.

At that very moment i lost so much respect for you.

I thought that since i'm pregnant you had gotten past that whole "macho" immature bullshit.

youre having a kid for gods sake.

youre going to be a FATHER.

Cut the childish crap!!!

I know everyone has told me to prepare for "the worst"

I was at first, but i've been on cloud nine the last few weeks that i hadn't thought about it at all.

well nice way of bringing me back done to earth.

I have to think now that they're is ALWAYS a possibility of me having to do this on my own.

and to make matters worse,

ever since we got the joint bank account, i've been having insufficient fees every single month!!!

stop spending my money!!!!!!

youre putting me in more debt than what i need asshole.

how the hell can i save up money for the baby if im paying $200 worth of bank fees???!!!!

Confession #2596

So you finally got your child support situation straightened out. Finally. Looks like your daughter, even though she's going on 22, is determined to get the money out of you anyway, since she comes by every week asking for money. She only stays long enough to get the money, she never calls, and she didn't even get you a Father's Day card. But she came the next day asking for gas money, even though she said she'd just been out to eat. She knows I cook every night, but that's not good enough for her. Her new outfit, new hairdo, and new manicure and pedicure were cute too. Guess she has money for some things. (Too bad I get my shit from WalMart and thrift stores.) Then she comes by a week later wanting money to go eat out at a fancy restaurant. She makes minimum wage and can't keep a job. She has no business living so freaking luxuriously. But you gave her the money again. Even though I had just cooked fried chicken, rice&gravy, biscuits, snap beans & potatoes, and a buttermilk poundcake for Sunday dinner. Apparently that's not good enough either. I'm less than a decade older than her, and I doubt she is thrilled about that, but I've never been anything but freaking NICE AS HELL to her. You and her mom had been divorced for eight years, and you never had any contact with her mom, so it's not like I stole you from anyone.... And I hate that she is so critical of our daughter, who is only 2. She rarely sees her, but when she does she bosses her around or criticizes everything - she can't ride a bike yet, she doesn't go to a good enough daycare, her shirt has a few spots of juice on it (even though it's 7 p.m. and I'm about to give her a bath).... She just gets on my nerves SO BAD...and through gritted teeth I just let it all slide. It hurts me that she is such a shitty and careless daughter to you, even though you have always tried to be a good dad to her. It's not your fault her mother is psycho. It's funny because I thought that even though you were a good bit older than me and you had been divorced and had a daughter, at least the daughter was over eighteen and I didn't have to worry about all the step-parent/childsupport/etc. drama. Boy was I wrong. We have so many bills, including extremely high daycare costs, your prescriptions, doctor bills, insurance...and tons more...and I try to be so careful with money. But then here she comes with her hand stuck out, wearing her new Gap jeans and holding her brand new cell phone (a different one every other month, no joke), and new rims on her car, designer sunshades, eating out every meal.... Why do I bother? Maybe this weekend I'll take our baby to the movies (she's never even been) and out to eat somewhere and maybe buy her a new outfit somewhere besides WalMart.

Confession #2597

I've come to terms that you do not love me. I don't think you have for a while now. I think on some level, whether you realize it or not, you're actually still trying to get back at me for my mistakes. I know I fucked up and cheated. I went to another man when I should've gone to you. I get that, I admitted to it, and I did everything I could to make up for it. You had me believing that going through with the divorce was my punishment, fair and square. I accepted that. You claimed you forgave me and weren't holding the past against me anymore. But yet, for the past few years, you've strung me along in a manner that makes me wonder if you are indeed trying to get back at me for that brief year. C'mon, it's been over 5 years since it happened, over 4 years since our divorce was finalized. And I let you walk all over me I don't know how many times. Lately, all of the signs of you being "not into" me are there. I kept making excuses for you. YOU kept making excuses. Now I see what they really are - you trying to tell me that you just are not into me and don't want to be with me. You keep bringing up shit that the fucked up ex girlfriend said to you and using her nasty and hateful words as a reason why you can't be with me. I'm getting tired of it.

I'm done. I'm done with you and your excuses, lies, and random bullshit. I'm done being available when you suddenly feel like it. I'm done tripping over myself just to hear you say that you still care. I tell you that I still love you and you can't even bring yourself to admit to anything more than caring. Fuck, you "care" about your female friend. But what about me? What about the woman who stood by you through everything over the past few years? Who tried to help you when you almost lost your house? Who tried to get you to go counseling and then stick with it? I should've known then when you gave all that credit to your female friend despite me being the one who was trying to encourage you for over a year. Who paid some of your bills? Who stepped up to help you with the kids when your family no longer could? I did all that and more. And this is how you repay me? Blowing me off yet again and feeding me some crap about how you supposedly forgot your phone but yet I've never seen you forget it? EVER? I'm done with your bullshit.

And know what's sad? In about a week or so, you'll act like everything is fine and I'll foolishly let you back in. I gotta find strength to tell you to fuck off. Maybe that bitch was right. I'm moving on. I'll find someone who will love me completely and will WANT to be with me. And when I do, I will not be there for you. You're on your own buddy. Don't even come looking for a lay. Fuck you

Confession #2598

Where oh where do I start? Here I am, a year and a half after meeting you, still struggling with the fact that I’m madly in love with you. The worst part of it all… is you continue to lead me on. You keep coming back into my life, just when I start to feel a little separation from you. Why do you do that to me? You are such a self serving fucking ass hole! Like seriously, you know how much hurt you have caused me, you know how much I love and care for you. So you didn’t think that, calling me a couple months of go saying “Baby, I love you so much, I miss you like crazy, things are different now…you will see” would affect me? I have not felt that happy like that, I’m pretty sure ever in my life; ok when I had my kids that is number one; but this was a close second. My heart was racing, I swear I started to sweat, I was smiling ear to ear, and of course the butterflies were going crazy in my tummy. I was on cloud nine when I laid my head down on my pillow that night. Then when we spoke the next day, I confronted you about it, so scared that maybe it was all a dream…but you said that you meant every word. Then the next few weeks go by and not only do I not see you, I don’t even hear from you. Every day that went by a piece of my heart was breaking away!! I get so wrapped up in thinking about you, stressing over you, wanting to be with you and see you, hear your voice that I just go crazy. I want to stop loving you so much. Not seeing you doesn’t stop the feelings. Not talking to you just makes me miss you even more. What can I do to realize I need to stop wasting my time and life waiting on you.
You are the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know this because when I think of us being together I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything or anyone. I haven’t wanted anyone or anything else like this in my life.
If someone can tell me how to forget about you and move on, please, please let me know! You take my love for you for granted and you use it against me. You think that you can treat me like crap, because you know I’ll still love you anyways. You think I will still sleep with you. Well the last time we hung out that was going to be the plan, I wasn’t going to sleep with you! Then when I wanted to be intimate with you, it was you who shot me down! It hurt me like hell, and I’m sorry that at the time I couldn’t be more supportive on what you were dealing with. Which was a big bomb that’s for sure, but I didn’t know what you expected of me. I have done so much changing, I've got a better job, I have lost alot of weight, and I'm looking and feeling my best...and then for you to deny me, I was heartbroken.
We have always had the most amazing and passionate sex, we always feel most connected when we are locked eye to eye, lip to lip. When I kissed you that night, I know it took your breath away as well as my own! You were out of breath and your voice was weak when you asked me, “you ok?” afterwards. I think that’s why you didn’t want to make love to me. You are afraid of those feelings for me coming crashing down on you. Especially when you still have to deal with the drama of your ex. Which brings me to a whole different issue. I am so tired of that stupid fat bitch, I have no idea what you even see in her. She has you so manipulated, it is ridiculous! I am tired of coming second to someone you bitch about so regularly to me!! I have been there for you through so much of that bullshit and what do I get? I am tired of feeling not good enough for you. It was kind of nice telling you that I could probably get bigger and better than you now. You told me I was being an ass hole, and yeah maybe you’re right; but you definitely had it coming! I am tired of giving you my best, and she gets the best from you!!
I just want you to love me back. I pray everyday that we can be together one day. I don’t see other men, or have sex with anyone else because I just want to be with you. I don’t want to ruin my chances and I know you know that, and probably have this big control freak thing going on. Even though you ask me sometimes if I’ve been with anyone else, and when I say no you act disappointed… I know you would hold it against me later.
I dream about you so often, and every time I want to fall right back asleep so I can continue dreaming about being with you. It always feels so real, and even though I know being in a relationship with you would be no cake walk; I would have you; and that’s what would make me happy. I crave those big brown eyes looking at me all dopey like you do, those full soft and kissable lips. I miss having to stand on my tippy toes just to get a kiss. Oh do you kiss so good. I love how you put your hand in my hair to pull my face closer to yours, you grab me around my waist to hold me tighter. I miss our drinks breaks, our Trailer Park Boys marathon nights, all the laugh til your belly hurt times... I miss those days, - - - - - - - .
Lets find happiness together…… love always, me.

Confession #2599

Dear Dearest Dippy.....

Sometimes when im mad at you......I dont need you to try to fix it....I just want to be mad for a while, It doesnt mean I love you any less....its doesnt mean that our marriage is " on the rocks" it means that im human and that I have passionate feelings toward you and its a good thing....yes even anger.....because it means that I still care enough to have those feelings! So When im mad at you don't be to quick to try to make me laugh like you do so often....just let me be mad for a while, I promise you I will eventually get over it, but i need to get over it in my own time....not yours, there are other times when im upset with you that i need you to be compassionate and try to help me with that quickly....I dont expect you to know which time is what so I promise to tell you what i need from you instead of assuming that you can read my mind!

Oh and just as a btw......Thank you from the bottom of my heart for agreeing to go into marriage counseling with me... you will see that that very small act of agreeing to go with me may have very well saved our marriage!

Also thank you for agreeing to stop being friends with xxxxx.....even though she was just a friend to you, she threatened me in so many ways I cant count and the biggest thing with her was that she only wanted to hang out with you WITHOUT ME OR OUR KIDS! I pray that you see that down the road that would have blown up in your face and it was already starting to complicate things in our marriage! Just know that asking you to do that for me was one of the hardest things I think ive ever had to ask of you!

You really are the Love of my life....Yes even when we dont get along even when im so pissed at you that i refuse to sleep in the same room as you....which isnt often, even when I tell my friends Im having second thoughts about being with you.....PLEASE KNOW that deep down inside I cant imagine my life without you. We may have it rough right now and yes its difficult for me to admit that we are in marriage counseling because to me thats admitting that what im doing in my relationship is either not working or completely wrong....and we both know how i HATE to be wrong, but I love you babe, I would go to the ends of the earth and back if i knew it would keep us together! Just know that i will do everything in my power to keep our marriage strong!

I miss you dearly come home from training soon so we can spend the next 8 months until you leave for iraq together with our kids making wonderful memories!

Your often indecisive wife

Confession #2600

I faked my orgasm today. I wasn't feeling it, and you were so focused on trying to get me to come. I'm sorry. I rarely have faked it - but sometimes I'm just not into it.