Wednesday, January 31, 2007

True Wife Confessions 152 degrees below zero

Confession #1511

You are the most wonderful man! I love that you cook
and clean, you do laundry, you vacuum (my most hated
chore) When I have the day off you tell me to just
relax, when you come home and see I've done work
around the house you tell me I shouldn't have, and
maybe I didn't need to to but you do it for me when
you have the day off and I don't. I love that you
grab our little man and change his diaper as soon as
you smell it, that you insisted in taking one turn
getting up each night to feed him when he was a
newborn. Watching you two play melts my heart. No
matter what you say, getting your degree 15 years
after you started is still a huge accomplishment and I
am so damn proud of you. Yes I like my job where I
am, but no I do not want you to give up your dream of
vet school so that I can stay there, this is a two way
street, we need the money so I'm going to find a
better paying job. I know it drives you crazy when I
spend hours online and you don't get it, but you let
me, you complain once in a while and tease me but you
never get obnoxious about it/. Other little things
like the way you take the time to make breakfast
sausage patties exactly like I like them, is the
reason I'm making the cookies today exactly the way
you like. I know I don't tell you often enough that I
appreciate you and all that you do for our family but
I do. I love you now and always.

Confession #1512

you were the boy i truly loved all of high school.
we both knew we were meant to be together, but for some never happened.
i dated others to make you jealous.
maybe it worked.
now, here we are, miles apart...
you think you've found the one.
and she is not me.
when you and i are together...
the chemistry is still as alive as the beginning.
even your mom asked me why we can't work out.
she loves me.
you tell me what an amazing wife i will be and ask me how many kids i want.
it breaks my heart. to know that i will never have you.
if you ever read this:
it's not too late.
come find me.
i still love you.

Confession #1513

dear you,

i will never understand your need to get away for a night. nor the fact that you can't go out and not drink. why is it so hard to say "no i'm driving" ? instead of not drinkin you think not comin home is a better option. well thank you for that. and you wonder why i would rather stay up at night than have sex with you. might have something to do with the fact that you act liek you dont want me around half the time. yesi realize you live here and we see each other everyday but we dont talk like we used to we just sit and do other things. i jsut dont understand you at all.

love me

Confession #1514

Open letter to my love:

Sometimes I worry that you love me more than I love you. We've been together
3+ years and I would never leave you. We're not married or engaged but I
we will be one day. I want it so badly and you do too,but we both agree the
timing isn't right right now...I'm also so scared of our futures, together
and separate.
I don't want you over there and I'm terrified that something will happen to
you. Mentally
and physically. Regardless, if worst comes to worst, I will be here for you
like you have for me.
You talk to me, you listen, you'll buy me things because they remind you of
me. (I really love the books!) I guess I'm just scared for us. I don't want
my doubts to bring us down. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm missing
something...But I know if I wasn't with you, I would be devastated. No one
else can measure up. Thanks for bearing with me, I love you.

Confession #1515

I married you because I loved you, because you said you loved me and you loved my daughter. I married you because I thought you were my best friend. I married you even when I knew we might have problems. I married you even after I found those magazines. I stayed even after I found them again. I stayed even after I started thinking you were cheating, after all of the "I'm tired's" "I have a headache's" You used to want me. You used to want me all of the time. I stopped making advances because I've had enough of being turned down. I haven't cheated. I wonder if you have, I wonder if you are. I'm pregnant with our child. Sometimes I wonder how you even managed to knock me up. I think we only had sex twice that month. I would leave you if I could afford to raise two kids by myself. We are supposed to start counseling next week. All I can think is "why bother, you are never going to be the man you promised you would be"

Part of me still loves you, but you are killing that part with each of those pictures.

Oh, That time I finally said something about how you would rather jack off to jessica simpson than to be with me, and you told me you werent attracted to me anymore, all I could think was, Hey, I'm not the one who's packed on 20 lbs since we got married.

I'm thin, intelligent and beautiful. When the fuck did you stop seeing it?

Confession #1516

You made love to me this morning for the first time in over three months, and it felt so good.

Please, please, please -- let's not wait that long ever again!

Confession #1517

I am so tired of your job taking so much out of you
that I have to take care of you (and our two children)
when you get home.
You give so much to your job and I am feeling short
changed to say the least.

Confession #1518

I am confession #374. It seems forever since I wrote in, and even
longer that it weighed down my heart and spirit. Finally, after
dealing with it by myself for so long, tonight I broke down to my
husband. I wanted to tell him before, but never quite knew how to. I
told him about the credit cards and the debt I had racked up. I
showed him the bag with the cut up cards in it. I showed him the new
budget I made for us. I was so afraid he was going to be incredibly
angry or even leave me. Instead he held me tight as I cried and said
he still loved me and always would. He thanked me for telling him and
said he had some suspicion of it. He held me and said he felt closer
to me now than ever before. It was such a wonderful feeling to be
wrapped up in his arms knowing my secret was out. I feel as though a
weight has been lifted off my shoulders now. We're going to overcome
this together. I'm so thankful for him, he's my everything. I love
you. Always and forever.

Confession #1519

That scratch on the truck I pretended not to have seen before... it
was me- I did it.... I knew when I did it and I didn't care. It was
a shopping cart that would barely fit between the curb and the side
of the truck. It was cold and the wind was blowing and I had to get
our daughter into her carseat. I didn't feel like wrestling with a
rolling shopping cart so I forced it and OOOPS it scratched the
truck. I don't care about it, I don't feel badly, and now I think
it's kind of funny. Now, since you are so anal about the truck, why
don't you get it fixed. You passive-aggressively suggested I should
find out what we need to do to fix it and I promise you that you
really don't want me to be in charge of that. Suggest it again and I
will takes a fucking sharpie marker and color it in!

Confession #1520

Okay – Here’s something from a guy. Yes I read those “confessions” and I must say that I have learned a lot from some of them. My ex could have actually written several. Some people are mean for no good reason.

My wife of 18 years wouldn’t talk to me about anything that bothered her. Her moods, her tone, her harsh words all told me something was wrong (or that I messed up somehow), but when I’d ask her, she’d reply, “I shouldn’t HAVE to tell you!”

Hello! I’m a man! When it comes to women, we’re stupid by nature! Seriously ladies, if you won’t tell us, we won’t know. I wanted to know so I could be the best husband any woman could ever want. But she wouldn’t talk about it. So I went to seminars, counseling, read books, attending men’s bible studies and retreats, all to learn how to be the man and husband and father that God wanted me to be. I even tried to learn her “Love Language”. Anything at all to please her. I learned what I could from her actions and comments and snide remarks and the way she’d talk about me in front of other people. What I learned was that I wasn’t successful enough – so I went back to school, got my degree, and got a better job. Still not enough, so I changed jobs to make more money and decrease our cost of living expenses. Still not enough so I studied by butt off and passed all the exams to get my professional license. I bought her houses, cars, horses, anything she asked for. Nothing worked. Don’t get me wrong – I was nobody’s lacky, but I did everything I could think of to please her. Her happiness was my number one priority. I helped out around the house and spent a lot of time with my kids. I actually enjoyed doing all of that. You see, I didn’t just learn all those things from the courses and studies, I actually became that man and applied all of it to my life to be the best husband and dad and man that I could be. It is now who I am.

The sex part? Well, after two kids and some medical issues, I learned to wait for her to initiate intimacy. Sometimes I waited as long as four years for her to warm up. (the kids are 7 ½ years apart) I never pushed, and I never once forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do. But I was always there if and when she needed me. For any reason. When she would finally initiate something, she let it be known quite clearly that this was a real chore or her and that I should be eternally grateful. She’d make comments like, “(sigh) Time to service my husband”. And then, “Will you just hurry up and finish!?!” “There. That should hold you for a while.” This really hurt since I was concentrating on her needs, not mine. It wasn’t long until I became very UN-interested. I know I wasn’t perfect. I’m no saint and made plenty of mistakes along the way, but I certainly didn’t deserve this!

Some people just don’t want to be happy. I continually asked her what it is that she wanted. What could I do to please her. She said she didn’t know. Then one day, she told me what she wanted by way of serving me with divorce papers. During the divorce, I learned quite a lot that I didn’t know before. Maybe I should have known, but I trusted her with everything. She had a couple of affairs, she ran up credit debt in excess of $125,000, and she had been funneling money away from our joint accounts for at least a year before serving me with those papers. Then she began spreading some rather horrendous lies about me to our friends, family, and even to my children. The kids figured it all out though, and they know their mom is a mean-spirited and vindictive person. They keep quiet out of fear. But everyone, including the courts, believe her stories. Now she’s moved to a different house with my daughter and refuses to tell me where. She actually neglected to tell me that they’d even moved at all.

So there you have it. The truth from the guy’s side of things. A lot of guys are just plain jerks. They deserve the bashing some of you are giving them. Some guys are actually decent. Ladies, if you really love your husband, please stop flirting and messing around with someone else. Get those ideas of a fling out of your head and focus all that energy on your husband. You’ll both be so much more the better for it.

My story does get better, though. I met someone knew and have since remarried. She’s the truest friend I have ever known. We can and do talk about anything and everything. I haven’t changed. I still treat my wife just like I believe God wants me to. The only difference is now I am married to someone who appreciates it and loves me back. She accepts and appreciates my love for her. There’s times when I believe that I never really knew what love was until I met her. She’s that amazing.

I believe that all of you women who write these confessions, or could have written some of them (you know who you are) should have your husbands read what is written here in this blog site. Then tell him that YOU wrote one of them, and let him try to figure out which one. Whether you actually posted here or not, very few of those men will recognize themselves. At least you’ll have something to talk about.

“Who, me?” “Oh baby, it ain’t that bad”. “Aww, c’mon, you’re over exaggerating!”

Of course, some may read something, think it is you, and start a nasty fight. (If that happens, I suggest letting him off the hook and calming him down).

My point is that some guys don’t realize what jerks they are being until someone tells him. If you, his wife, can’t tell him, then who can? I wasn’t a jerk in the early years of my marriage, but I could have been a lot better husband had my wife told me how she felt about things.

By the way, if you honestly communicate your feelings to your husband (talking, NOT nagging or bitching or complaining), but honest-to-God heart to heart sharing your feelings with him, and he still doesn’t care, then get help. You may need to get out. Also, if you’ve invested 8 years into the relationship, are living together (as husband and wife) and he still won’t marry you – then why are you wasting your time? (unless, of course, you don’t mind being used and taken advantage of).

Just something from a guy…….

Monday, January 29, 2007

True Wife Confessions 151 Bacardi

Confession #1501

Even though I have told you that it grates on my very last nerve, you continue to chew huge glasses of ice. When I try to leave the room, you follow me and keep crunch crunch crunching ice. I want to stick an ice pick in my ears when you do this.

Confession #1502

I often wonder if you are staying with me because it's the right thing to do, not because you want to be with me. I also sometimes think that you don't really love the baby, that you're just going through the motions. I hope I'm wrong. When I think of the way your father behaves towards you, I know that I will do whatever it takes so that our child does not feel that kind of neglect. I do not want her, even once, to doubt that both of her parents love her and that she comes first in our lives. Please don't become your dad. His church-going does not make him a good man, and I really wish I could tell him that. I hate that he hurts you.

Confession #1503

I love you for understanding when I just needed to cry and mourn the loss of
my fertility. I love you more for telling me not to worry that we will find
a way to pay for the IVF treatments. I love you the most for telling a
friend that the boat the two of you were going to buy has to go on the back
burner for a bit because us having another baby is the priority now. I am so
happy knowing that you want this as much I do. I am glad you are my husband
and I love you more everyday.

Confession #1504

I love you.

I don't like you.

Don't respect you.

Damn sure don't trust you, but I love you.


Because "I love you" is a lifelong commitment to me.

Even when I can't stand your sorry ass

Confession #1505

I knew what I was doing. I set it all up without letting myself think about what I was doing. I took him to our favorite restaurant and I let him buy me drinks. I continued drinking when I knew it was a bad idea. And when we went home, I let everyone else leave so that we were alone. I let him think that he was making a move on me when I was vulnerable. And then I took him to your bed. It wasn't great. It wasn't even good. And I hated myself after it was over. I wish I had been a stronger person and not needed it. But I did need it, and I needed him. You deserved better. I'd like to say that I'd never do it again, that it made me a better, stronger person. But I don't know. How can I know? I didn't plan it.

I'll never tell you. I owe you that. And I love you.

Confession #1506

ode to my ex-
i know you're not truly happy.
i can see it in your eyes.
i know i'm the best you ever had, and in the end, you just didn't deserve me.
i hope cheating was worth it, and that you never forget me.
don't worry, i'll ALWAYS be around to remind you of what you could have had.

Confession #1507

I really love the fact that you are trying to lose weight. It's great that you are getting on the exercise bike each night. I appreciate that you take the bike back down to the garage when you're done. However, sometimes just changing clothes is NOT good enough! You have some pretty potent sweat glands. Sweat smells...and yours isn't any different. Please...stop re-using those boxers the next morning AFTER you take a shower...they have absorbed some of the stink. I wouldn't want your co-workers (or me for that matter) to smell it and think you are a dirty guy. It's not a good smell, I promise you!

Confession #1508

I wondered about you for so long. Where you were, who you were with, and I thought maybe someday our paths would cross again. You got married and divorced, I got married and had 2 kids. Once, before my wedding I wrote you a letter and mailed it to your parents' house. It had my address and email and I hoped you would try to contact me. That was 6 years ago, and when I never heard from you I started to move on. And then you found me online. And now my heart has butterflies when I see that you left me a message. I love my husband and my life and none of that will change, but I feel like I found something that has been lost for a very long time.

Confession #1509

Why do I want to, need to, see you again? I tell myself it is just one more
time, just for closure, but somewhere inside I know I am looking for more, I
need more. I need you back in my life. How did this happen after all these
years? I haven’t seen you in so long, I didn’t realize that I missed you
until you came back into my life. How is it that you occupy my thoughts all
day again? I have become consumed. These thoughts are the only ones that
push away, even if just for a little while, all those other memories.
Memories of hospitals and funerals. Why do I feel like I am 18 years old?
Is it because you are the one I couldn’t fix, the one who got away, the one
I wonder what could have been?

Why is it so important to see you, to talk to you, to find out you are still
single. I’m not. I’ve been married, happily, for a long time, to the man
who picked up the pieces and showed me that I could trust a man, that all
men don’t cheat, that there are good men out there. Who has taken care of
me through the good times and now these horrible, awful times. Why do I
still need you? I think it is because you have no tie to what has happened,
you had no loss, the way the rest of us did, maybe you can comfort me
without me watching everything I say and having to worry if I am upsetting
you. Maybe I can grieve with you. I don’t know.

Confession #1510

Oh and I do NOT like cleaning up/taking care of things that you don't have the time or energy to finish. I've told you for 6 FREAKIN' MONTHS ago that the tires on the car needed to be changed (I've kept up on all the other car stuff and 1/2 the oil changes for both of our vehicles). Now that you finally get it done...what happens??? I have to solve the problem that you didn't know WHAT time the store closed and we were too late to pick it up. I had to figure out how you were going to pay them after 'stealing' our car from their lot. You found out that the car had a 'wobble' after they did do the tires. You decided to take some leave to pay them Tuesday morning when they opened and to have them check-it out. Well, you decided you didn't have time to have them check-it that's safe. Nope, you want ME to fix it on Saturday while you take the gas-guzzler on a 4-hour trip each way...and leaving me with no transportation. Oh fun fun. Now I am left telling my boss last minute that I am taking a few hours off this morning to fix what you haven't. Much fun. I hate when you don't follow through with crap. This shouldnt' have been my mess to clean up or look bad for at work. It isn't right. You should have found out what time they closed Saturday, gotten there when they were done, and taken care of this...this sucks. Thanks a lot.

P.s. I swear if you leave a mess in MY car today after driving it, I am going to be a stark-raving lunatic. I'll admit it, but it literally takes you less than 2 hours to make MY vehicle look like a freakin' trash dump. Ugh.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Desperately Seeking...Something...

Some of you may have noticed I *hinted* at a new project that I had in the works....

I wrangled together some of the loveliest Blog Goddess's for this project.

I ran a "mark up" by them.

The laughter could be heard all over the US and Canada (and perhaps Europe)

The concept is such:

If you have ever perused things like Craigslist, or Hot or Not - you will notice an alarming trend in the "Men seeking Women". Puzzling Photos. Explicit Puzzling Photos.

It makes you think: "What are they trying to accomplish with these photos?"

We decided to de-construct the hidden meanings, and bring our thoughts to you.

Be forewarned. There is Nudity. Male Nudity. Not grayed out, not manipulated in any way. If naked men offend you, then do not click onto the site....

When the little head thinks for the big head, things go badly

Thursday, January 25, 2007

True Wife Confessions 150 - our Sesquicentennial!

Confession #1491

It's been seven days
I want him to miss me... I hate that he doesn't.

Confession #1492

When you say “you don’t like my mother, do you?” and I deny it, I am lying. It’s the only thing I can’t be honest with you about. I don’t like her. She is the most manipulative woman I have ever met. We will probably never move back because of her.

Confession #1493

To My Dear Sweet Husband...

You are the kindest, most gentle, most understanding
man I have ever met. You treat me like I'm a
princess. However, I slept with my best friends
husband, twice. Worst yet, I fell in love with him.
I'm still with you and will be with you until the end.
But I thought you should know..I still think about
those times every night before I go to sleep. If he
would have asked, I would have stayed in our home
state with him.

Confession #1494

I have deleted you from my email - everything - the messages, the chats, the pictures. The mess you made in my life for being in it such a short time should have clued me into your potential to disrupt everything I have worked so hard to make.

But, every other time I have done this, you come back. "Be patient", you say and I feel silly. So, I open the door again. And wait. And wait and wait until I finally say no more and begin the process again. It has been two days since I deleted everything and you still haven't seemed to notice my silence. I hope that I can resist you when you come back.

Confession #1495

oaky, i still love him but i don't i don't want to lose you
you have been by my side thru the toughest things
and when he came i felt so different inside and out.
you with you it was the sam eevery single day
with him it was something new every. but you stood by myside os now i will
stand by yours even if its killing me a little every day

Confession #1496

to my husband:
you were right, i was still sleeping with him. it did end when i told you. and i tried soo hard to stay away, but he is like a drug to me. i caved in after 14 months and it's been going on ever since. so, yeah, i've been lying about it for 2 years, and i'm sorry. i called it off again about 2 months ago, this time hopefully for good. these past couple weeks with us almost splitting again have made me realize how much i love you & want to be with you.

to the other man:
i'm sorry. i did love you, and the fucking was hott, but it's over. i need to grow up and and get over you, and i can't do that if i'm still sleeping with you. i doubt you'll ever change, but go back to your family. your little girl needs you.

Confession #1497

Dearest Husband,

I confess to being EXTREMELY relieved that we aren't having sex anymore. You haven't initiated since last June, so you must be pretty relieved, too. It wasn't any good anyway. You're a lazy lover who never paid any attention to my pleasure. I hope we never have sex again.

Your relieved wife

Confession #1498

we are good. we really are, and I know how much you have on your plate. I know how everything and everybody is asking you to be there for them. I know finding out we were pregnant wasn't exactly the happy moment we each wanted it to be. i know I'm too tired to help much in the evening. I know you can the kid both need me. We both lashed out and said some hurtful things. But this is it. I don't care about anything except making us the best we can be. We have the best family we could ask for, in each other and the kids. That is not something I am willing to lose or allow be damaged by outside forces. You are the man you think I see. You are perfect for us. You really are. Just stand with me. please.

Confession #1499

I know I told everyone that I regret getting involved with you, but the truth is, I don't. I regret that you didn't pick ME over her more than anything. I regret that I let myself get so wrapped up in someone who wasn't available (and not even that cute, now that I look at it..... although amazing in bed.) But I don't feel bad for betraying another woman, even though I know I should. That makes me feel bad, but it's the truth. And I'll never do it again, but not because I don't want to hurt another woman, but because I don't want to get hurt like that again. Now that you guys are engaged, and I tried to tell her about us, I can honestly say that I did want to warn her. That is true. But I also wanted to get you one last time because you really did break my heart. I don't know if you intercepted the email, if she doesn't care, or if she already knew, but since everything seems like it is still fine with you two, I guess you won. Again. At least it's over.

Confession #1500

I must have been color blind to have not seen these red flags in our "relationship". These are just a few of your *misdeeds* in the 6 years and 8 months we were together (in no particular order.)

1. You told me you were going to visit your Aunt T for the holidays, instead you went to Amarillo with Chris.

2. I paid for a Valentine's weekend getaway (when we were broke college students,) and you said, "I'm going to call Chris, and see what he's up to." And you got mad when I asked if you were fucking him?

3. You told me, "If we're not having sex, we're just friends." I wish I'd taken you up on that friendship offer.

4. You went on a vacation WITH CHRIS that you couldn't afford and then told me it was MY fault that you were overdrawn from your checking account because I wouldn't give you my income tax return to cover the trip.

5. My favorite grandmother died, and you wanted to have sex. And you didn't let the fact that I wasn't participating stop you.

6. You refused to brush your teeth if you were not leaving the house. Though you would gargle if you thought you might have sex - I cannot have an orgasm without kissing. I could not kiss you if your face smells like your ass.

7. You gave me a one day crash course in how to drive a stick shift because you wanted to borrow my car because it was impossible for you to accomplish anything manly - like moving - with that two-seater deathtrap you had to have. You gave Helen intensive lessons until she got it because "*A* is a loser and won't teach her." Um, yeah, right. I stalled out in rush hour traffic. Nice.

8. I drove two hours to visit you almost every weekend, and most times you went to play poker with your buddies. You didn't tell me you were going to play poker because you didn't think I'd come if I knew you wouldn't be home.

9. You NEVER drove out to where I lived to see me because, "There's nothing out there." Guess that makes me nothing in your eyes. Obviously, seeing ME was not worth the drive. It was so nice to feel loved. NOT.

10. I paid for my own dinners - and usually yours - and you were okay with that. Unless we were out with other couples, then you put on the act like you spoil me or something.

11. You told me continually how unattractive Helen is (I could tell that from looking at her myself, you didn't need to keep saying it) - this was really a sign that you wanted to be with Helen, but you were trying to throw me off. I am convinced that you cheated on me with her while we were still together. I hope you treat Helen as great as you treated me. But be careful, she might divorce you while you are deployed like she did * A*.

NOT marrying you was the best damn thing I never did. Towards the end, the thought of sex with you made me sick - mentally and physically. I am convinced you are an egotistical, cheating, racist jackass. If you were afraid of having biracial children, you should have been a man and told me that upfront. It wouldn't have broken my heart one bit. Instead, you chose to act so unbearably horrible to me, that I was running to get away from you.

Oh, by the way, I can't have kids. I could have told you that when you tried to used "not wanting kids" as a way to get out of the relationship, but that was my out, too. So, I kept it to myself. Besides, if I had told you, you would have turned it around on me. Probably said you had a change of heart, and I couldn't accommodate that. Since Helen is pregnant, I'm pretty sure you did want kids all along.

I am with a person who really cares for me now. All that time, I thought it was me. Nope, you're the weirdo freak. It's normal to take a shower after sex. It doesn't make me crazy or unromantic. And most of the basically hygienic population of the world brushes their teeth before bed - that wasn't something I made up to antagonize you.

And another thing, when you emailed me back saying, "Happy New Year, I hope 2007 brings you all your hopes and dreams." Well, I hope you die a painful death, and I dream about it every night!!! Well, not really because you're just not worth my time anymore but if you do end up dead, I'll smile.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

True Wife Confessions 149 Reversals of fortune

Confession #1481

**warning** this is a long confession so skip if you don't like those ;p

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I no longer love you (I don't know that I ever did truly love you) as a wife should, but I don't want to see you hurt(ing). I believe I made a grave mistake in marrying you and one that is not easily explained. I thought I loved you, but I don't think I ever truly did. Now it's developed into a 'comfortable' love - a love like I have for a dear friend or a family member.

But I also resent you. You asked me to marry you when I wasn't ready, but I felt I didn't really have a choice. I loved you (or so I believed) and didn't want to lose you. My life took off, while yours didn't. You decided to drop out of college and ride my coat tails. I was supportive b/c college isn't for everyone, but now I just see it was due to your lack of ambition, your laziness, etc. I thought at first it was just us learning to live together and that's why I was having to act as your mother. By about a month before our wedding, I knew it probably wasn't right, but I chalked it up to cold feet.

Years have gone by and I'm finally starting to open my eyes. I haven't been happy for almost 3 yrs; I've just been numb. I've acted as your mom, your babysitter, your maid, your cook, your pet sitter, your accountant, your financial planner, your breadwinner/sugar mama, your disciplinarian, but never your wife. Perhaps I was ready for marriage, but you were not. Or maybe you were but you needed a wife like your mom. I am not that person. I feel as if for the past 4 yrs I've had a deadweight shackled to my ankle dragging me down. I just cannot take it anymore. I want someone to support me; to walk beside; to occasionally have to pull me. Instead I'm always having to drag you along and my arms are tired.

I'm not exactly Miss Perfect over here though. You got me pregnant. I had an abo.rtion without telling you; I would never have a child with you (is that not a red flag right there?!). I've also cheated on you. I take full responsibility for the affair. It'd be easy to cop out and 'blame' you b/c I'm unhappy, but I'm not going there. I went into this with my eyes wide open, and I do sincerely apologize for hurting you. I never intended that to happen.

You still want me; you want to work this out. But what is "this" to work out? There's not a marriage to save. I'm here for now b/c I don't want to compound your pain from finding out about the affair. But I truly do not want to stay. As much as it pains me to 'give up' (god, I hate giving up on ANYTHING let alone my marriage), I think it would only be detrimental to both of us if we stay married. I think, honestly, you're just afraid to be on your own since you've always had someone there to take care of you. And I don't know how I'm going to explain this to people - you're kind, generous, caring, and very likeable. It won't make sense on the outside, but I just can't stay.

Confession #1482

About every six months or so, when you are gone, I delete all the photos of naked women you save on your computer. I don't care that you look occasionally, but since I've gained 20 pounds I find myself feeling insecure and I don't like the fact that you 'save' pictures. Why can't you look and then move on? You are very supportive and still make me feel attractive and beautiful, and I appreciate that, but I can't help feeling fat when I see the big titty, skinny girls on your computer-most of which are not even as pretty as I am.

Confession #1483

My confession. You told me from the start that you didn't think you were
capable of being in a relationship with a single-parent. You told me that
you had always envisioned your life to follow a certain path; meet a girl,
date, move in, get engaged, get married, have children - I wasn't your idea
of how it was supposed to happen. But we fell in love, and over the next 6
years I kidded myself that your innate sense of responsibility would
eventually lead you to making you a more central role in my daughters'
lives. In year six, I became pregnant, and for a brief moment in our life
together I felt secure in the knowledge that we would become a family, but
that all ended when I had a misscarriage at 6 months gestation.

Your mother hates me. She never once told me she was sorry for my loss when
we lost the baby. You play a huge role in allowing her to treat me this way.
I always tell you that I am sorry she feels this way about me and that I am
capable of continuing to care for her though she doesn't feel the same way
about me. I am lying, both to you and myself. It does bother me, and I have
grown to dislike her as much as she dislikes me. When I noticed the gift
that was sent from your parents to one of our friends children, it burned a
hole in my chest big enough to smolder for years. I am incensed that your
parents would purchase a gift for your friends child, yet not acknowledge my
two daughters. It's not the gift, it's the lack of acknowledgment. It's the
fact that they act like we are not a part of your life.

I cry myself to sleep most nights wondering how I became so incapable of
removing you from our lives. I sift through 6.5 years of memories and
realize that many of them are so one-sided; me loving you enough for the
both of us. I have loved you all I can, and yet here we are, in a stagnant
un-healthy relationship. My daughters adore you, I adore you, and you adore
us, but you are so unwilling to commit. I have started to wonder what is out
there for me, how my life could change if I were to sever our relationship.
It is funny how time creates this illusion of investment - I feel like I
have invested too much of my time and my children's hearts to throw in the
towel. I feel like there is always a possibility that you will follow
through with asking me to marry you. And each time I unwrapped a book from
you this Xmas, I imagined it to have a cut out in the middle with an
engagement ring inside. Each time I opened up one of the 4 books you got me
for Xmas this year and saw that it was exactly what it appeared to be; a
book, I died a little. I don't even know what is left of me anymore when it
comes to you.

I am a hardworking beautiful (on the inside where it counts) and on the
outside too, single-mother. Why have I allowed you to wound me so deeply?

Confession #1484

When I was back home a few weeks ago I went out for drinks with my high school sweetheart. We reminisced about old times and he told me that he still loved me. I still love him too and regret that I did not wait for him. Lots of times when we have sex, I am really thinking about him and not you.

Confession #1485

I know we are almost divorced. However, you aren’t divorced from our kids. Please, please spend some time with our kids. Did you know most of my friends have 50/50 custody of their kids? You choose to pay me tons of child support so you aren’t held responsible for our kids clothes, haircuts, daycare costs, etc. I totally don’t understand how you could choose to go months without seeing your kids. They are 3 and 1. You miss out by not wrestling on the floor with them, laughing hysterically over Sponge Bob, nighttime stories, chocolate chip cookies and kisses before bed, and snuggles when someone has a bad dream. I won’t ever ask you again to spend time with our kids. The past few times you have said that I am selfish, or you didn’t have time, or you were sick, or you didn’t have food and diapers. Did you know that our kids call my Dad “Dad?” Bummer for you…

Confession #1486

I was a cheater

I was even what you would call an "honest" I always told my husband. Not because he wanted to know, but because I couldn't live with my guilt and self hatred about it all by myself. It wasn't until months later and some honest self assessment that I realized how cruel I was being toward him as well as myself.

Different people cheat for different reasons. Or excuses...depending on your perspective. At the time, my reasons were more vague then real. I was suffering with Clinical Depression..and had only just started therapy and some Wellbutrin. I was finally talking about the sexual abuse I endured with my father and then my stepfather. My life was falling apart and I was helping it along. Even now writing about it with the intention of having it public is extremely uncomfortable. Easier to be a cheater then a victim. And in that period of my life I had so much self loathing that if I hadn't been married, didn't have my beautiful son to care for, I would have put myself in even more danger then I already was.

My husband is and has always been my knight in shining armor. He knew about the abuse before I accepted his marriage proposal. He helped me find the courage to tell my mother and held me when I found out that my sister was being abused. That man was finally sent to prison, not nearly long enough, but I got to see that sometimes justice is possible.

He understands that sex for me will always be a struggle. Always. Even when I was cheating it wasn't for pleasure or any "romantic" feeling toward these other men. I was doing my damnedest to push him out of my life because he was and probably still does deserve better then me. But he fought for me. For the first time in my life someone fought to keep me safe and happy. He even agreed to an "open" marriage rather then file for divorce. It wasn't until he actually started taking advantage of that, and I realized I really could lose him that things changed for us.

We didn't get over this in a month or even a year. It's taken aloooot of talking and time for us both to regain trust in each other and our relationship. Both of us learned better communication skills, to say the least.

Our marriage will last now because of those affairs..not in spite of. We're far more willing to admit to each other when we're hurting and why. Of course, our marriage isn't perfect or wouldn't even be considered "ideal" for allot of people. Our sex life is minimal and must always be initiated by me. And although I understand (somewhat) his need for it, I don't have that same need or desire. I guess that's my real confession and fear. That I can't be "enough" of a wife to him in every way that he deserves and needs. But in every other way that I can I let him know that I love him and appreciate all that he does and puts up with in our marriage. He loves me for who I am and has made his choice by sticking with me through all the emotional crap that comes along with. I just have to work on believing it.

The reason I've always enjoyed reading TWC is because I like finding I have things in common with other women. The reason I'm sending this to be posted is to maybe show that what's on the surface of these just the surface, not the pain that lies underneath. Being honest with others, for me, has always been easier then being honest with myself.

Confession #1487

Last weekend while I was cleaning I ran across a hotel bill that was for while I was back home for the holidays (you remember that trip you refused to go on?). It was for 2. The stay was for several days. I then investigated a little further and found several more interesting things like: the box of condoms in your suitcase, the cell phone bill with some very long and frequent conversations with a certain younger woman that we both know, who lives in the city the hotel is in, and a receipt for a very expensive jewelry purchase that I have never seen.

Now what logical conclusion should I make from all of this?

I am going to confront you, and if you can't come up with one airtight irrefutable reason for all of this, be prepared to see what the full force of my fury feels like. You may think that you have seen it over the course of our marriage but, buddy, you have never really seen me angry (annoyed yes, but truly angry no).

At that point you also better get yourself one hell of an attorney as well.

Confession #1488

I don’t think you really believe me, but I actually did forget to take the garbage out to the road this week. Although, I have to confess that if I had remembered, I wouldn’t have done it anyway. That’s one of your two regular ‘housework’ chores and I’ve been the one to do it more often than you have lately. Maybe a week of dealing with rotting garbage will help improve your memory/ability to get out of bed at a decent hour.

Confession #1489

Four years ago I got pregnant despite being on the pill. I had an abortion. I have never told you about it because you would more than likely go into a rage. You are obsessed with having lots of children but I will never have another one with you because you are the worst father I have ever seen. You are never home, and when you are you ignore your son or yell at him to leave you alone. You try to keep him away from the grandparents that dote on him and who he loves because you can't get along with them. You also spend more time with your "friend" than you do with him.

I am so glad that I am leaving your sorry ass. Just waiting for your next buisness trip to start packing.

Confession #1490

Monday, January 22, 2007

True Wife Confessions 148 Ways to Increase your Penis Size!!!

Confession #1471

You are such a good husband and provider. How do I tell you that I need more than you can provide? We have been married 22 years, and I have had 7 lovers so far. I'm not proud of it, but you are just BORING in bed. I have told you time and time again I need more than you give me. Maybe one day you will understand. Oh, bye the way, one of our children you thought you fathered isn't yours. And it happened on purpose.

Confession #1472

Dear Husband,

I don't understand how you worry about dying, yet you keep smoking. I'm
really worried that you're going to end up with lung cancer and I'll be
alone. The rest of my life. I will do whatever it takes to help you
quit. Your brother did it, your grandfather did it, you can too. I know it.

And I'm getting to where I don't enjoy being with your family anymore.
Your mother has this great passive aggressiveness way about her. And I'm
so sick of it. I'm sick of being number 2 in your life. But I always
will be, I know it. I've just learned to accept it. It really is true
when you marry the husband you marry the family.

And I'm also sick of your mother and her irresponsibility with money.
Seriously. It's ridiculous. 50 something years old and still can't seem
to hold onto a damn dollar to save her life. But it's all about making
it look like icing on the cake from the outside, isn't it?

I guess that's it, for now. Just needed those things off my chest.


Confession #1473

I sit in my office everyday and look at our honeymoon pictures and realize what a wonderful love we have; You’re my best friend, you’re everything I was praying for, you’re my dream come true. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Let’s always try to remember and rekindle the love that brought us together.

Confession #1474

i pointed both of them to this site. the one i live with, love with all my heart, and would never cheat on.

and the one that i can't get out of my head or out from under my skin. i want him to know. i want him to think about me. dream about me. want me.

what the hell is wrong with me?

Confession #1475

Yes, I'm batshit crazy, I understand this, you seem to understand this. But to let people into OUR home to yell at me and tell me my feelings and thoughts are wrong and bad, well fuck you. I would NEVER let anyone come into our home to degrade you in that manner. It just drives home how little you really think of me.

Was I wrong in doing what I did? Yes and I see that, and I'm sorry its come to this, but there's nothing I can do. To have the accusations thrown at me that I've alienated your family from you, really? Aren't you a grown ass man who could have called at any time any of his siblings to get together but didn't? Aren't they? When was the last time your brother called you for the two of you to get together? Yeah, thought so, I can't remember either, but its somehow MY fault.

Oh, and by the way, you all hurt about me blogging about you...get the fuck over it, its not like I was cheating on you. I.CANNOT.TALK.TO.YOU! We both shut down, this was the only way I could get it out and cleanse it out of my system. I'm not a healthy person and you know this.

But dont worry. I've officially given up. All this crap at home and the crap at work has finally beaten me. I'll go back to who I used to be. Quiet, meek, silent. The real me has been beaten out of me and will not be seen again.

Oh, and thank you for the flowers yesterday, but really, we both know I dont deserve them, which is why I was so quiet about them. They sit there, a reminder that I'm nothing but an asshole as everyone thinks of me.

Confession #1476

I really wish that when you and I talk about sex that you would actually listen. The other night you said to me you wanna go fuck? I told you I'm not quite in the mood you need to actually touch me to turn me on. AKA Foreplay. You took that as a rejection that I didn't want to do it. I've noticed lately that it's all me doing foreplay. Are you just too lazy or what? I know your not really into going down on a girl. I don't agree with you but oh well. Since when won't you even touch me to finger me or anything. Haven't you noticed the decrease in sex or the fact that when we do I don't get off? You always have an excuse; oh my hands were dirty. Well ya know we do have soap and water wash up.

I do want to have sex but I'm so tired of doing all the work and not getting any fun outta it that I don't ask anymore. Why be disappointed? The sad part is your either lazy or just don't care.

I shouldn't have to live the rest of my life this way..........

Confession #1477

I hate this life I am living with you. Most days I want to run away to a place where no one can find me. To a place where I can be alone and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else. I know you didn't ask to be so much older than me and I know you hate what time is doing to your body not to mention the prostate cancer. But I hate this. I truly hate this. I am so worn out and tired that it's unreal. We haven't had any kind of sex life in almost a year. Any physical intimacy is gone and not likely to return as you have to continue those injections for two years. You just gave up on us. I have to hide my sexual self from you. During the summer I reached out to you, wanted you to touch me, wanted you to make me cum. I know you have no libido and can't get an erection but I thought we could still be close, still could share that. But you pulled away from me. Just flat out rejected me and it's been that way since. I feel like a piece of furniture. I feel unloved, unwanted, undesirable. I am only 45 for god's sake. I just want to be held and kissed and touched. I could take care of the orgasms myself if I could ever get 5 minutes of privacy but I can't even get that. I let another man seduce me and we have become friends and infrequent lovers. And I feel more loyal to him than to you even though he and I haven't had sex in a few months. So I thought I would go 'on the prowl' and join one of those online 'swinger' sites and find someone else who was in the same situation. Lots of men responded. Lots of men are interested. A few are definite possibilities. But I can't do it. I look at you and my heart turns inside out with love and I think "What am I doing?" and I think of J. and know he would be hurt as well. And I don't want anyone else but him. Actually I don't want anyone else but you but you don't want me. I'm such a baby. I can't even be a decent slut. And I feel caught. So goddamned caught. And hateful and resentful and cranky. Big time cranky. I am tired of taking care of you, tired of doing everything, tired of not having a minute to rest or dream. And if I dare complain about how things are you tell me I have no right. It's like you expect be to be a goddamned fucking martyr and just suck it up and be quiet. You have no idea what life is like for me. You have no fucking clue. And all I can say is "when is it going to be my turn to be happy? when will it be my turn to be taken care?"

Confession #1478

The way and amount you eat is starting to really disgust me and turn me off.

Confession #1479

I have been screwing since I was 15 years old and I have never met a man as messed up about sex as you. I love how you try to blame it on me. News flash, Romeo - Not even I believe you.

I think you are gay at heart. How do I know? Because whenever you get more than 2 drinks in you, you try to pick up the waiter. Not the waitress, the waiter. Am I supposed to not notice that you get all flirty and blushing?

Then you try to blame your soft dick on me. I am not attractive enough. I am too fat. I don't romance you enough. You are on anti-depressants.

Right, big boy. Listen, I have had sex with plenty of men. Not one of them has been as needy as you. Most guys - you give them a glance, a look - and they are ready to go. You? You claim to need romancing, and you STILL can't get it up.

Go fuck a guy if that is what you want. I don't care. Just don't blame your sexual problems on me. I don't need your three-inch dick so bad that I will work all day to get it. Go screw a boy. Have fun. Bye, bye, bye.

Confession #1480

I'm not sure how it's come to this. I don't know how I've covered my eyes and ears and mouth in a bizarre game of see no, hear no, speak no evil for so very long. These past few months since your panic attacks have returned, since the unease has crept back in, since you were in hospital because of your heart... I have slowly become cold to you, lost to you.

You tell me I should be happy, you don't drink or do E or Acid anymore. Well, yes... but you did not stop because you wanted to, you stopped because the doctor said it could kill you. Your medications make you depressed and anxious, but you won't admit that it was like this before when our daughter was born. I hardly saw you for 3 months, and you were unemployed. How does that work? You were out every weekend with her.

Yes, we have always had an open relationship, but with the understanding if one or the other said "No, not that one" then that would be that. I was 3 months pregnant and it was the night before we got married and you slept with her after I specifically asked you not to. And like a fool I believed you when you swore you'd never see her again, and I married you like an even greater fool. And then a month later, I relented and said go be her friend because you were miserable without her. And you were always out and I was miserable with out you.

My pregnancy was magical for me, but it could of been so much more if you'd shown any interest. You never wanted to feel the baby kick, you didn't want to come with me to the doctor, you had a week off work when she was born and I was sitting in the hospital recovering from the c-section and you were not there. And I am so angry still.

Now she is older you are better with her but you have told me more than once you resent her for taking me from you. You get mad and flustered when she babbles at you, I know you're going deaf but she's two, you need to be patient. And you tell me you want me to get pregnant soon.... and for the life of me I don't know why when you glower at our daughter and get angry when it's your turn to get up with her.

I want more babies. I do not want them with you.

I waited and waited pretending I didn't want to get married because you decided you didn't want to marry me anymore after I went through my break down. So I waited for you to be ready for babies. I said we need to do this soon I'm 28. You reluctantly agreed. I was such a fool, I should of realized that it was the last thing that you really wanted. I got pregnant sooner than we planned and the look on your face when I told you was gray and hollow. I think I lost you that day.

And then he fell into our lives. I met him through our room mate. I didn't even know what he looked like, just chatted on MSN. He was fascinating. He was funny. I thought nothing of it. I ran a game session and he drove down from the north to play, and he intrigued me, so timid and unassuming, yet brilliant and whimsical and funny. I wanted to have him for a night, to blow his mind, to find the sexy, self assured me again. You agreed, you even helped me put my hair in pigtails, all the better to catch him with that night. But in the end we caught each other and I walked away from that night feeling a thousand feet tall and very, very lucky.

And then the words came, the letters back and forth, the dropping of our masks and I realized I had found what my grandmother had always told me about.... my twin soul. I was content in having him as an occasional lover and dearest friend, and so was he.

So what changed?

I know you had no idea how bad my debt was before we married. You had always insisted we keep our finances separate. I know you worry about money when we could sell the house and pay off the debt and buy another house, but you don't want to. You wanted to move home or close to it but the opportunity presented itself and you couldn't muster up enough courage to write the single email that would of landed you at the very least the interview. You have raged for 4 months now. Anger and vitriol, I never know what will set you off, our daughter whines and throws fits similar to yours and you ask me "Where did she learn that?" For everyone else you put on a brave face you don't let them see the pain or anger. But not me. I get it all. I suppose I should be honoured you're comfortable enough to bare your feelings to me. But I don't. Because frankly I'm not sure why the hell you are still with me when you speak to me like you do. Is it for our daughter? Because dear, if thats the case you're not doing her any favours, but then neither am I by staying.

I am locked to you by my debt. I wove my own trap. I long to cut the strands and run. I want to take our daughter away and be somewhere else. I want to be me again, not the me I fabricated to keep you happy. I want to sing again with abandon, I want to have books again. I want to belly dance and belly laugh.

I want to have his babies, because I know the joy little children bring him, by just being little children.

And do you know what makes it all so much more horrible for me? I still love you, I just don't want a life with you.

Friday, January 19, 2007

True Wife Confessions 147 break in Snooker

Confession #1461

For months, my heart was bogged down by the idea that I had made the biggest mistake in letting you go. I pined for you, yearned for you, whispered your name in every song I sang-regretted ever saying goodbye to you.
Now that I think about it, I wasn't in love with you. I was in love with the person you could've been. I was in love with the possibility that you were changed.
But really, I couldn't care less, anymore. I don't need you. The only thing you were good for was to teach me a lesson that I had been taught a million times before, but didn't really know or have the strength, to apply it into my everyday life.
After saying that final goodbye and shaking myself out of my grief, I came out stronger.
Thank you for not knowing how good you had it with me. Thank you for letting me down time and time again. I emerged a hell of a lot smarter and stronger because of it.
I may have been bruised, but I was not broken.
If anyone here is broken-it's you. Whether you realize it or not, whether you get fixed or not, I don't care because I'm not coming back. And you shouldn't waste my time coming back, either.
This is me, waving goodbye to your name entering my thoughts, goodbye to the hold you had on my heart, goodbye to your name rolling down my tongue and out my mouth. Goodbye.
Good bye.

Confession #1462

My confession:

Darling, when you helped me out with the garden on the weekend, I loved every minute of us working hard and creating something together. I just hope you did too and want to do more things like that, and not sit on your computer ignoring me.

Confession #1463

I may have ended things with him. I am trying hard to forgive you and rebuild things. But I will always love him. I will always feel like I may have missed a wonderful chance at happiness.

Confession #1464

OMG She just told me that I am going to be a grandmother. She is only 18. Where did I go wrong? I can't tell anyone yet. Not till we go to the Dr. on the 24th.

Confession #1465

I want to tell you that:
I appreciate that you asked me to move in with you.
That you let 2 of my kids move in too.
That when I get in a huff about something and don't want to talk about it, you don't get in a huff too or pressure me to talk until I'm ready.
That you are trying to change your "been an old bachelor too long" habits for me (see above, huffy)
You have some annoying habits too but I think the good is outweighing the bad.
I really like like you.

Confession #1466

I love you but sometimes when your off I just wish you'd go back to work

Confession #1467

i love you and i want you to know that. we have close to the perfect life. you call me beautiful and sexy even when i feel disgusting and gross. i love being with you,and we sometimes spend hours just talking. after all these years, i can't imagine being this close to another human being.

but i'll always have that little voice that wonders if this is it. is this all it's supposed to be? isn't there supposed to be mad passion, and crazy lust? shouldn't bells ring and angels sing? did we settle at some point and are we cheating each other out of that kind of life? maybe it's me, maybe i'm not passionate or giving enough. i don't know. but i think i'll always wonder.

Confession #1468

To my husband,

Sometimes I wonder if you really know who I am.

What is important to me? What is my favorite part of the year? Holiday?

What makes me really happy or sad?

Buying me things won’t make it better – loving me will.

It’s the simple things.

We don’t fight about the big things like money or sex.

It’s all those little things and I appreciate that lately you’ve been making an effort.

Thank you for trying and I hope I can try to be more forgiving

I am trying to love you for you. I don’t know why I am the way I am – why I over think things.

I do love you – help me fall back IN love with you


Confession #1469

I know you love me.
I love you too. I love you more than life itself.
I know that you are scared of some things in our relationship.
So am I. But thats what makes us strong, overcoming our fears TOGETHER.

But I don't know how many more times i can "subtly" drop hints to you!
I want to get married. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and you know what, lately, I have started wanting to be the mother of your children.

Confession #1470

I wish I could sue you for false advertising.

You made yourself seem like a great guy, the type that all woman love, The type that really listens to what I have to say, affectionate, horny, hard worker, helpful, respectful of my career and love for my child (from previous relationship), cleans after himself, takes care of himself and always says sweet things to me such as "Your so pretty, I'm so lucky to have you, I want to be with you forever", good at comminication.

I was stupid and married you when you asked, so quickly. I was so in love and blind. I thought finally, finally I met a real man. Boy was I wrong. Your the laziest, most inconsiderate, selfish, sloppy disgusting asshole I have ever met. That sure was a good show you put on to get me to marry you.

You fucked up my career. I had to wait so long to get licenced when we moved. I am getting licensed in a couple months. No thanks to you.

Each time we pay the bills down, you find some stupid expensive purchase that you do not need. Do you really need a 300.00 Razr phone with a blue tooth headset? That costs 300 and change. How do you have the balls to make a purchase like that when we all need health care and dental care? When we have all second hand furniture that has served its purpose and all of it is falling apart? Your phone was just fine. Just worn because you do not take care of things. You could not buy the 100.00 phone, could you?

You shave your face once per month or so and leave all your beard clippings all over the sink. I don't understand how your boss does not mind you showing up to work looking like a grizzly bear? You throw your clothes all over the floor when you take them off, and the toilet?
We had several fights about your toilet manners. How are you not embarrassed? I even hint now. There is a box of disinfectant wipes sitting right on the floor next to the bowl! You are a lazy useless piece of shit. It's not bad enough that you leave your piss and shit under the lid of our toilet, but you even have to go into my childs bathroom and do the same. You will not pick up one dish to wash, you will not wipe a counter or ever clean up your mess in the kitchen.

The only laundry you will do is your own.. and even that is a rarety. You will go out of your way to pick through the clothes in the dryer that you need to wear that day and leave the rest sitting in there unfolded.

Everytime we have gone out to eat. (which is rare) I always have had to pay because your pathetic ass is soo broke all the time. You are constantly ordering parts for a piece of crap truck. Yes I said it!! and it feels soooo good. Grow up you fucking loser!! How many 33 year old men do you ladies know, that ride around in falling apart a mini trucks ??? It's time to give it up and go buy a real car or truck. One that you do not have to fix every other fucking week! One that you can take your family out in. can you say... LOSER? Your truck looks so fucking dumb with the spray paint job you spent a week giving it. Maybe should have spent the 300.00 on a real paint job instead of a motorola RAZR phone?

Speaking of going out to eat, when your at work and I take my child out to eat and tell you about it. you whine that you did not get to go or get anything. I'm sorry but I do not need to only take my kiddo out when you can go. So now I lie about that. My child and I go out to eat every Friday. :) That is our time together. Kiddo and Me! It's not like you take us anyplace. The only reason why I do lie about taking kiddo out is because than you will see that I have money and you will do your best to drain it from me.

Everytime you think I have some money, your truck falls apart or something happens and you try to make me pay more bills. Guess what loser ass? I have been getting child support for my child again for a few months now. I put it away and you do not know. The statements go to a PO BOX I opened up. Hahahaha! Hey I have to do what I have to do for my child. Awhile back when I was owed alot of child support from ex, you said you sure could use some of that too that you help support my child too. YEAH right... This is how you help support my child financially. ............... exactly. You really don't do shit. The monthly bills (the ones you try to cheat me into paying more on) you would be paying anyways regardless of a child being around or not. I pay for the child's clothes and food. Once in a blue you buy groceries for him, or a shirt or two after I have to beg, but you try to wiggle out of groceries now by saying your never home to eat.. Than your stupid ass comes home and eats them all! yeah. So yes. The child support is buying him his clothes and things he may need and its NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, YOU FUCKING LEACH. The child support is something your dumb ass will never know about.

Do you remember that money I was owed? Yes, the one that was owed to me from even before I met you? The one that I told you when I get it, it would go to my school? The one that finally came when you were unemployed. Oh I bet you thought you hit the jackpot and would be able to wiggle out of your share of the bills. I bet you thought you were going to be rewarded for being an unemployed loser for one entire month and not look for a job until the last week of the month. I told you that I lost the the money. I LIED. The money is in a very safe place and I have been holding onto it for schooling and "just in case I need to leave you ASAP"

When we argue, you act like a complete idiot making your stupid faces. I hate when you are home. I wish you would just leave!

Sex? hahaha What sex? I have not had sex with this piece of garbage in over a year and one half. We never really had sex technically. He lasted 10 -20 seconds each time. He promised to get help and work on it and never did. That's right. I have been married close to 2 years and have not had sex in one and half years. There is no intimacy, no private shared moments. No effort to please your wife at all. Plenty of time for you to do things with your friends though. I stuck with you hoping you would change. What real man does not want to come home and fuck his wife? Not you, It's too much effort for you apparently to learn how to hold your load.. Your cock is nothing to write home about anyways. It's the smallest I have ever seen actually. I married you for your personality and you don't even have that anymore. If I wanted a roomate, I would have placed an ad in the paper, not got married.

Even if you were to after all of this time try to give me a good fucking.. I would turn you down. At this point, so late in the game, I'm not even the least bit attracted to you sexually or otherwise. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed (yes that is broken too) with you. You snore and cough and breathe your hot breath at me all night. Can't you be considerate and turn the other way? I mean I have to sleep the opposite way from you cramped in the same spot with the pillows up so that I don't feel your breeze on me.

I am sick and tired of you and your selfish loser ways. I have spent the last 2 years going without so that you can spend all of your money on bullshit! You could not even look for a job that has health insurance for you and your family? We all have to suffer for your stupidity.
If I am the one doing all of the cleaning plus paying half of the bills. (more than half) Can't you at least provide insurance? I am tired of my health not being cared about.

I am emotionally through with you and have been for some time. I hope to be rid of you very soon. but not until some health needs of mine are taken care of and I have all of the money in the bank that I need to get a place without you and have money for furniture. I am just going through the motions and trying to be nice to you in the meanwhile. You and your Losermobile of a truck can be happy all on your own.

had you been like this before you asked me to marry you, there is no way in hell that I would have married you and I am sure that you know this. That is what I call false advertising.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

True Wife Confessions 146 pounds of snow in Montreal

Confession #1451

This one is for my bestest guy pal:
Thank you for listening to me about my disintegrating marriage and giving me a shoulder to cry on when needed.
Thank you for making me laugh when I need it the most.
Thank you for giving my shattered self confidence a boost.
Thank you for kicking me in the ass when I am being stupid or pigheaded.
And most of all, thank you for restoring my ability to trust men in general again.
Despite what your ex-fiancé says, you really are one of the few truly nice guys out there and I hope that someday you find someone who appreciates you and who loves you as much as you deserve.

Confession #1452

I hate my life. I hate the fact that I can no longer spell simple words. I hate that I drink every night just to feel normal. I hate that I don't know you anymore. I hate to admit it's all about me when I know it's not. I hate that my addiction is to blame for everything. I hate that I have that on my shoulders. I hate that everyone gets to pawn off their shit on me because it's obvious I have a problem and THAT is the whole issue. I hate that I have a spoiled daughter and my parents started the whole thing and I HATE that I went along with it. I hate that you think EVERYTHING she does is wrong. I hate that I am so weak. And I hate when I do speak up the family goes into chaos.

I hate long confessions.

Confession #1453

To my high school sweetheart,
Four years ago you said we were to young to get married you were 22 and I was 20. You said you needed to finish College and get a job. When you finished school and got a job I asked you again if we could get married. You then told me I needed to finish with College and get a job. So I finished school and have a job. I told you all I wanted for Christmas this year was to get married and you laughed at me. We've been together for 8 years and I'm not sure why I haven't left yet. I want you to know I wont wait much longer.... boy wouldn't that be a surprise for you to come home late from work and find me gone!

Confession #1454

It's been more than twenty years since I've seen you even though we live ten
minutes apart. And then you show up, out of the blue and in an instant, you
are in my heart again. I feel like I am eighteen years old and just want to
drift away with you and forget the world and everything that is going on. I
know it will never happen, I could never betray my family like that, but I
fall asleep thinking about you and wake the same way.

I thought I would never feel that way again but here it is as clear as day.
Why did you have to come back?? You were relegated to my past, to that
corner of my heart, never to be seen or heard from again. The scary part is
that if you should any tiny bit of interest, I could easily fall completely
in love with you again. I need to see you and get you out of my system once
and for all, but I don't see that happening and it makes me so sad.

Confession #1455

you make me sick. physically sick. I understand i have some problem... i suffer from depression and i don't think i could ever really live without someone with me but i hate that its you. You treat me like S**t.

I didn't never cared that i cried when we had sex cause you forced me to. You never cared that when the Dr. Found a cyst on my vaginal walls and i was on medication that i could not have sex you did it anyway and just washed the blood off you when you were done as i cried.

You don't care how i feel. You don't care that i make sure all the bills are paid on time. or that i work 12 hours a day just like you. you don't care that i started a college fund for you daughter (my step daughter) you don't care i have try to make sure you want for nothing.

I wanted a desk brought over that you volunteered and when you didn't bring it by 3pm i called to see where you were. you said that you couldn't bring it over and you were too busy to call me cause you were playing video games. that hurt my feelings so bad.... everything you do makes me hate you more and if i thought i could make it alone i would leave in a heartbeat.

When we first got together i loved you more then i have ever loved anyone but you have hurt me so much and so many times i cant stand you anymore and if it wasn't for my son needing me or a steady environment i would leave forever.

You make me so f**king sick.

Confession #1456

I didn't marry you because after four years of us being together and being virgins, I realized that I wanted to have sex but I didn't want to have it with you.

So I said that I was leaving the country for work. I did leave the country, but it wasn't because of work, it was because I didn't want you to touch me.

I will never be able to tell you now that you are a good man and I hope that you will make some woman very happy some day.

Confession #1457

Most women would hate that you would spend the entire day on the couch but I LOVE it. Because it means you are not running off to work, or to hang out with your buddies, or to drink beer and burn things in the yard. You are laying on the couch because you want to relax and be with me.

We are different. I read and study the dictionary. You take apart engines and go hunting. We are opposites in many ways and yet we still love each other.

I hope that we can always keep being special to each other in spite of (or because of) our differences.

Confession #1458

To my husband:
You were the "right" choice; the safe choice. When I weighed the pros and cons, it was you. I listened with my head. Not my heart.
For the last eight years, I've thought about him every. single. day. I've thought about our last phone call, and how I should've ran and never looked back. How that single moment, that single phone call could've changed everything. I'm so afraid that if I'm given another chance, I'll follow my heart.

Confession #1459

For months, my heart was bogged down by the idea that I had made the biggest mistake in letting you go. I pined for you, yearned for you, whispered your name in every song I sang-regretted ever saying goodbye to you.
Now that I think about it, I wasn't in love with you. I was in love with the person you could've been. I was in love with the possibility that you were changed.
But really, I couldn't care less, anymore. I don't need you. The only thing you were good for was to teach me a lesson that I had been taught a million times before, but didn't really know or have the strength, to apply it into my everyday life.
After saying that final goodbye and shaking myself out of my grief, I came out stronger.
Thank you for not knowing how good you had it with me. Thank you for letting me down time and time again. I emerged a hell of a lot smarter and stronger because of it.
I may have been bruised, but I was not broken.
If anyone here is broken-it's you. Whether you realize it or not, whether you get fixed or not, I don't care because I'm not coming back. And you shouldn't waste my time coming back, either.
This is me, waving goodbye to your name entering my thoughts, goodbye to the hold you had on my heart, goodbye to your name rolling down my tongue and out my mouth. Goodbye.
Good bye.

Confession #1460

I hate that you whine and pout. Want to know why I don't want to have sex with you? I'm tired of being treated like I'm one of your possessions. You don't own me. Sex is not a duty or an obligation. It's supposed to be a joy. At first, it was because I was sick. Puking my guts out and you wanted to know when I was done so you could stick it in. If I objected, you pouted and whined until I had to give in just to shut you up. I got over that flu. But I can't get over how you treated me. And you always do that. God forbid I'm having cramps, or a migraine, or have a cold or the flu. I have to perform whenever you demand it and if I don't you pout, whine & cry until you coerce me into it.

Well, not anymore buddy boy. Intercourse against my will, without my willing consent, is rape, even if you are my husband. You don't even care if I just lay there and ignore you until you're done. I hate it. I hate feeling used. I hate feeling like I'm your personal sex doll. Don't touch me. Ever. I don't want to kiss. I don't want to snuggle. I know what you're trying to do. You think if you start doing all the little romantic things women like, I'll give in. Nope. It won't work. If I thought this was really a change of heart and you finally saw the light and decided to treat me better, then yes. But you've done this before. And I gave in. And you went back to wham bam without so much as a please or thank you.

You don't appreciate anything I do. You bitch and moan and whine no matter what I try to do. I pay off bills? You bitch because you don't have spending money. I let a bill slide so you can go to the game store, you bitch because the bills aren't being paid. I buy you something I thought I remembered you like? And I was wrong? Do you appreciate the effort? No! You accuse me of confusing you with my "boyfriend". Whatever. I buy you something you do like and you don't even acknowledge it. Or you demand to know what I've been up to.

I'm done. I'm just biding my time until one last detail is cleared up. Then I'm gone.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

It's time to put on my big girl shoes and wade into this...

*Deep Breath*

When I started TWC, I chose to maintain a certain "Distance". I felt that if this forum was to be what I intended, I needed to accept everything as it came. Confessions that concerned me. Confessions which may disturb me. Confessions which pissed me off. All of them.

I knew from alot of my work around female relational aggression that women - especially when they feel powerless in some areas of their lives - look to participate in Horizontal aggression. In other words, attacking people who are to the left and the right of them. Usually these people are other women.

You tend to see this in social groups, ergo the "queen bee and wannabe" phenomenon. I participated in this in high school. I viciously targeted some other girls, just as I had been targeted by others. I would love to tell you all the names of those girls who I feel were my tormentors, but that would be to leave out my part in the flip side. Yes, I was tormented by them - the mean notes in the lockers, the exclusion of me at the lunch table, the decisions to exclude me from social events. Yes, I remember their names.

I am, however, not blameless. I was active in the targeting of others. I led others to targets and set them upon them. I intentionally set out to hurt other women. For what, you may ask? For being female. For daring to look at my boyfriend. For perceived slights against my person. I called them the names. Slut. Whore. Skank. Tramp. Skeeze. Beast. Bitch.

When my boyfriend asked me to stop targeting the girl he had briefly dated before me, I tripled my efforts. How dare she seek his protection. I did not dare address the actions in which my boyfriend was engaging. The continuing to talk to the ex-girlfriend in a way that felt ( and later proved to be) not quite over. He was my giver of status. I was his girlfriend. He had the power. He did not need to modify his actions. I had to modify my actions.

That isn't what I want for TWC. We, as women, have to modify our actions ALL THE TIME. We second guess and worry about others feelings and how we are perceived. We hide and shield and change so that others are protected.

I will not censor TWC. I won't. I can't tell people what to feel or how to behave. However, the tone of some of the comments in the last several months have felt....vindictive. A Public Stoning. Burn the Witch!

That isn't what I wanted. I wanted women to feel safe here. If no where else, then here. Safe to say the things you can't say elsewhere. That doesn't mean I am saying that you or I have to agree with the confession. We simply exist to acknowledge it's presence. We don't need to tar and feather the confessor, do we?

I currently have run out of enough confessions to make a chapter, so I will wait until I have 10 to publish the next one. I wonder if the risk of being called a name has made some think twice about wanting to send ones in. If so, my purpose in this website is negated.

My last point is this. You don't know WHO is confessing. It could be your best friend. It could be your mother. It could be me.

Do you want to call them or me whores? Really?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

True Wife Confessions 145 pieces of unfolded laundry

Confession #1441

I broke all of my own rules when I agreed to meet you. You are too young for me, but there was something about you that I liked.

So when we ended up in a compromising position, I figured - why not. But stupid me. It wasn't me that you were with in your was THE ex-girlfriend. You weren't there with me at all. And now I surprised that my feelings are hurt. I shouldn't be. It was my own stupidity.

Confession #1442

I know that sometimes I complain about you not helping around the
house while I am in an insane grad program...and it is true, I would
certainly retain more sanity if this were to happen. But you are
wonderful in so many other ways. I know you work your behind off for
us, and I love you and I appreciate you. I will try to tell you more

Confession #1443

When I do something you don't like, instead of asking me not to do it again, you have to bludgeon me with it. Over, and over, and over. I apologize once - not good enough. You have to keep at it until I feel 2 inches tall.

Way to go, prick. Feel better now?

Confession #1444

PLEASE!!!!! Close your mouth when you chew your gum!

Confession #1445

I love you. I love how we are putting so much more effort in this time.
I know that sometimes I get SO frustrated with the things you do - but as
time passes I realize that I should try to accept some of these things
instead of trying to change them. Those months apart was the absolute worst
time of my life, and I am so grateful that we were given a second shot at
this. I could never ask for a better friend than you, let's make is last
forever this time. I heart you.

Confession #1446

Even though I know it would turn out awfully, I still wish you'd find
some way to find me and beg for my forgiveness.

Confession #1447

I've decided that I have to find a way to hate you. It seems the only way that I can kill the urge to be with you.

Confession #1448

Budgeting money so I can go back into therapy is the kindest thing you have ever done.

Confession #1449

Our love is not conventional. When I met you, I knew that you were not like any other man that I had ever been with. Sure, you piss me off more than I thought humanly possible. Sure, I have been a lousy wife. But you still love me, still support me. You don't understand me, but that doesn't seem to bother you. How I got the winning husband ticket in the marriage lottery, I will never know - but I am grateful. You have my loyalty forever - even if I occasionally share my body with someone else.

Confession #1450

I resent you more than you'll ever know. To a degree I have told you what's in this letter, but lately as your mediocre status as a father and husband stumbles towards shitty, I feel it even more.

You know that finishing college has been a dream of mine. I made mistakes in my past that were no fault of yours, but this time, I blame you.
When I started back at college 5 yearsa ago you were so jealous you couldn't see straight. We fought daily. At the time I qualified for a full Pell Grant and we only had to pay for my books. Still, you hated forking over even a dime towards my education. You reluctantly agreed, but not without fighting with me, adding guilt and complaining the whole time. Yah, you gave me the $300 for books, but I paid for it every step of the way. Do you remember that we very literally fought about it every time I had to go to class? Still, for 3 semesters I attended and maintained a 4.0 average while still raising our children pretty much solo. When it came time to reapply for the grant again, unfortunately, I qualified for less and you put a stop to my going. You refused to pay for any of it and you didn't want me applying for student loans either because that would just add more debt. I reluctantly (STUPIDLY) agreed. Since then, I've been a stay at home mom and have created a wonderful home and raised two of the most awesome kids. But school was never far from my mind and I've always been vocal about that. There came a time when I had to find work for money. Unfortunately, there aren't many job options in the town we live in and I worked retail for minimum wage. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I am so much better than that. But beggars can't be choosers. Without a degree and with limited work experience I'm not worth much to the outside world.

It was always agreed that when our youngest started school full time I could go back to the university. He started this year, but financially, you said school wasn't an option for me--that I should wait a couple of more years. Isn't it funny that while you've told me this each time I brought up the issue of going back you've racked up over $10,000 in student loans. I hate you for it.

You have a career in the military. Yes, I know you've always wanted a degree, too, but you're set for life. You already have a great job that you've planned on putting the full 20 years in to. Even without a degree you're not going to have a problem in the world getting a job in the civilian market. Your career field and your training in the military alone will land you $70K+ a year jobs--we know this because you've already been offered several. But me? I have nothing. I am 32 years old with 46 hours of college under my belt. And it angers me to the point of absurdity to know that I could be done by now, with a career if only you'd had helped me out, if you'd been supportive or if you could have seen the long term investment in me. But you just couldn't let me earn my degree first. My wishes and dreams were put on the backburner indefinitely. You could have waited to go to school. You could have seen it in your heart for me and our family to let me go first. Goddammit, we qualified for aid. All we had to pay for was my books and childcare for 3 hours a day. That's it. But no. You with your 12 years in service just had to have your degree first. You have it now and it will sit on the shelf in its beautiful binder for the next 8 years doing nothing for you. My degree could have made a difference immediately. Perhaps we wouldn't have had to live off of credits sending us $30,000 in debt on top of car payments, a mortgage and all the rest. I could be contributing financially to our family's well being. No, we likely wouldn't be debt free because we've made some very bad decisions. We might still have financial problems, but it sure as hell wouldn't be this bad. And even if I weren't finished with school yet, I'd be damn close and that would be all the closer to helping aleviate the strain. As it is we've learned from our mistakes, but we're trying to rectify them on one income (and a shitty one at that..lets face it, no one joins the military to get rich).

The ironic thing is, we're now more in debt and more financially starved than we ever were before but on paper we make too much for me to qualify for a grant. I told you that back then, too. I told you that I needed to take advantage of the government aid while I could because it wouldn't last forever. As you made rank I knew the aid would decrease and sure enough it did. And now because of your student loans on top of all our other financial shit, you flat refuse my going to school once again because doing so would cripple our situation beyond recovery. Once again my dreams are squashed. They aren't giving many scholarships away to a non-minority suburbia mom in her 30's with a husband who makes betweeny $40-$50K a year. Even if I did get some financial aid, you've refused to charge books or give the okay to apply for loans.

I can't blame you for the screw ups I made years before I knew you. But I can blame you for hindering my scholastic progress when going was possible after we got married. And I do. Some might think I should have gone anyway, but the reality is this is a marriage--it's supposed to be a partnership--and the betterment of this family should be something we both want. I don't want to have fight for my education. I want your support. I don't want to have deal with the guilt and constant battles brought on by you because you think I'm hurting the family financially by going to school and racking up debt. Ummm, your student loans did what? You can't even use your fucking degree for another 8 years!!!!!!!!

I am hurt by you. I am angry and I am not sure I will ever get over the resentment. Unfortunately, resentment doesn't do a thing for debt so I've gone back to applying for shitty retail jobs to at least help us with the extras. It is beyond any sort of rationale to me that a person who wants to go to school so badly can't because of finances. And an asshole husband.

Monday, January 08, 2007

True Wife Confession 144 - One Dozen Dozens

Confession #1431


I am so sorry, but I found the engagement ring a few weeks before you proposed. I even took it on some test drives while folding the laundry or doing errands around town. I couldn't believe it when I opened that pretty red box that I found hidden in the box of your tools. I had a feeling something was happening, so I went on a quick search. I knew I probably shouldn't. You should have done a better job hiding it! is unbelievably beautiful! And huge! I hope I did a good job acting surprised when you got down on your knee. I'll tell you someday and you'll laugh. You know you can't pull anything over me, buddy!

Also, thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me be a stay-at-home girlfriend (well, now a stay-at-home fiance) for six months out of the year for the past four years. We don't even have kids and you don't mind the fact that I only work six months out of the year. You have no idea what that means to me. You even help me clean and cook and do the laundry. How did I get so lucky? Can't wait to walk down the aisle and see you waiting for me!

Love ya, mean it!

P.S. The only thing you suck at is calling when you are going to be late. Just freakin' call! I won't care ~ I just get mad because you don't tell me...not because you are late.

Still love ya!

Confession #1432

Darling, I just want to apologize for us almost never having sex during the week these days. It's not you. It's the Everything Else that needs to be done or attended to Monday through Friday. By the time junior goes to bed, all I want to do is kick back and relax. By the time we go to bed, all I want to do is pass out. I'm not upset with you, I'm not unattracted to you, I'm not depressed--I'm just tired. And busy. And sorry I'm not the nymphomaniac I used to be.

Confession #1433

I found your gross little swingers porn mag. I have "refiled" it in your
bag, in the midst of those papers about your redesign that you'll be pulling
out at your meeting. Wish I could be there.

Confession #1434

I love you, I truly do, but there is so much going on in my head that you
have no idea about. You remember I broke up with someone else to go out
with, a wonderful guy who forgave me for cheating on him when most others
wouldn't have and stuck it out with me. I dumped him with no warning so I
could be with you. You have no idea how many times since then I have
thought of him, how many times I've dreamed of him, wondered what would
happen if I someday saw him again. The summer we agreed to see otehr
people b4 we got engaged, who did I see, him. I knew I was still in love
with him but I was in love with you too. I met and had lunch with him a
month b4 our wedding, and was totallyr elieved bc I gfelt nothing when I
saw him, it musta been a fluke bc when I ran into him 9 months later I
knew I still loved him. For the first two years of our marriage I dreamed
of him so often, I even called his pager a few times just to hear his
voice. I've thought of him less and less often over the years but he's
still there in the back of my mind. That "book" I wrote, and all those
short stories oh yeah he's the main male character and I'm the female. I
feel guilty every time I think of him. And yet it doesn't stop, and you
wander why I want to start going to see a counselor/therapist.

and that's still not all. Our good friend, your BF and my ex from years
ago, well you know we flirt nonstop, just like you flirt with his wife,
though for you it's a game and with he and I it's becoming a serious
thing. There's still something there between us. I told you over the
summer when he kissed me and you acted like it was nothing, well maybe it
seemed like it to you but as soon as he kissed me I wanted it to happen
again. He apologized said he was out of line and it wouldn't happen
again. Well it did, at our New Year's Eve party, he kissed me again 3
times. I told him we had to stop doing this sh*t, but it wasn't just me
telling him, it was me telling me. You see you tell me "go ahead, sleep
with him" like you really mean it, but you should watch that bc no matter
how many times I tell you I wouldn't, the honest to god truth is if I
thought we could do it and get away with it I'd be in bed with him in a
heartbeat. I haven't told him that, not sure if I will. I really don't
want to screw things up for him, and since things are good with us I don't
want to screw thigns up for us, but you know if you start being a total
ass again this semester I can't promise you I won't make a play for him.
You're not the only person in the world that has school and work and
you're sure as hell not the only person in the world that gets stressed.

And as for you my dear friend and ex, back off for a while will ya. I
love you sweetie, and you turn me on like you wouldn't believe I'm sure
you have no clue how much actually. This is no longer play for me, it is
serious. I want you and it scares me how much. We both have a good
marriages right now let's not screw that up. However if at any time in
the future we find ourselves singel, you're the first person I'm calling
and you can be sure I'm calling you right from where I want you to end
up... my bed.

Confession #1435

To the new girlfriend - your boyfriend has cheated on
you already. Three times, in fact. And the last time,
he said I felt so good, he just couldn't hold back.
And he is the one who made the first move each time.
And knowing that you swear that he is better than your
last boyfriend, I just have to laugh. Honey, he is

Confession #1436

I don’t know who created this blog site but bless you. I have to tell you that I read it and I have found comfort and can identify with so many of the stories. Reading this has been better than any therapy I’ve been too. I am going through a terrible time in my marriage. It’s been such a mistake and I am so unhappy. I am crying my eyes out right now and feel so desperately lonely and God I wish I didn’t feel this burden of pain and I wish there was some relief from this terrible unhappiness. There isn’t. When I got married I thought it was going to last forever. Now 13 years later, 2 beautiful children, one terribly shitty little squat house and more isolation than I can ever describe, oh wait don’t forget the multiple mid life crisis and the overdose of religion my Knight in Shining Armor is was never was is a cold unemotional boring non sex intitiating man/ child peter pan.

I hate you

I hate everything about you.

I hate the way you don’t brush your teeth before you go to bed

I hate the way you brush your teeth when you go to church

I think you are a hypocrite no I know that you are a hypocrite

You give all of your money to the church but won’t buy a decent house for your own family.

You have constantly let me down you have let your children down

You have made me a single mother and I hate you for doing that to me and to us.

I hate the way you walk around the house with your hands in your pockets. You are lazy. Your mother made your bed for you one too many times

You throw your clothes on the floor. I would like to burn them in front of you.

I hate the fact that you went to Iraq instead of staying with your family, you volunteered to go to Iraq don’t tell me your were forced to go. You put your family through hell so you could have your midlife crisis and go help those Iraqis

If you like those people so much maybe you should move to that nasty country.

I hate the fact that you left me alone during my pregnancy and I had to rely on our 8 year old daughter for help

I hate the fact that you let us live in a terrible house.

You never slayed my dragons. You never stand up for your family. You never lift up your family. You never ever honor your wife.

I will never forgive you for being a drunk.

I can never count on you for anything ever.

You have taken all the joy out of our marriage

You have taken all the dreams of travel and happiness too.

You have taken too much from me. I have held this family together.

You put on a good show for the public……………………it’s time to tell the truth and it will set me free.

You threaten to take my children. Who would raise them, your mother? Hmmm I see what her product looks like

I don’t believe in letting wolves raise my children, like you do

You drink too much

You are an alcoholic

You should drink at church

You think you are great, you are not

You are a liar, you tell half truths and think you are telling the whole truth

You are a devious mean spirited man

You make me feel horrible

You ruined Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve

You have eaten my soul and taken all you are going to take.

Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for creating this site. Thank you for the honesty

Confession #1437

Would you please stop getting off on my butt or leg when I am asleep! I woke up the other morning and rolled onto what you had left behind. It is so disrespectable and I hate it. SO STOP IT!

You know who I am

Confession #1438

Do not blame me when you run out of clean boxers. I do not monitor how many are left in the drawer. If you're running low, do a load of laundry!

Confession #1439

I hate when you are telling stories to new friends and you are lying about things we haven't done. Why the fuck do you do that? They don't care. And I feel like I am now trapped into agreeing to some shit I know we didn't do because I don't know these people well enough to call you a liar in front of them. Why not just whip it out and measure his penis against yours and be done with it? At least that wouldn't involve me!

Confession #1440

Well, today I found out not only do you have 2 credit cards, but 3.
Sure, I could probably have dealt with the combined balances of the two:
1200.00. But when I found out that you have another Visa and the
balance was over 5K?

How dare you. You KNOW I swallowed my pride at the end of 2005 and
went to consumer credit counseling. Got it all squared away. I was so
happy for us. There was a light at the end of the financial tunnel. I
recently told you, "Imagine! We've been living on a cash-only basis for
1 full year! I'm so proud of us!" All the while you had been lying to
me. To my face. With such ease. It's disturbing how well you lie.

Well, I was living on a cash-only basis, not you.

The proverbial shit hit the fan when I got the mail one night and found
your two statements for the cards. I was still in the process of
forgiving you and then wham! Here comes another one. With that HUGE
fucking balance.

You say the first two were for tools for your new career, farming. You
wanted out of the kitchen. Okay, okay, I get that. But the second one?
You said it was because I was controlling and breathing down your neck
with the money issues. You wanted to be like a "normal" person and have
a credit card. WTF? You are a man who cannot keep a 5.00 bill in his
pocket for two seconds. You KNOW this and have admitted it to me
multiple times. You've got to spend it NOW! And all of it. You used
to constantly put us in the red w/our bank using your debit card when I
distinctly asked you not to. Then I had to pull a Supernanny and take
your debit card away until you needed it for gas and cigs.

You know I pride myself on being able to stick to a budget, and meeting
my financial obligations is my #1 priority. Good credit will get you
far in this world.

WAKE UP! You're 35 years old, for cryin out loud. Grow up. You're
not a normal person. And what makes you think that it's normal to have
a ginormous amount of debt like that? It's NOT normal.

I feel so betrayed and used. Here I was clutching my coupons and
calculator at the grocery store, not wanting to go outside our budget.
I went months and months with shin splints because I didn't want to
spend the money for new tennis shoes for my exercise class. We
desperately need a new bed and two doors for our house.

And here you are, traipsing to Cabellas and spending 2K in one night,
buying food and liquor for you and the boys while camping, and buying
video games. AT 21% INTEREST! OMG, I'm nauseous again.

I am so torn up over this. Because just by principle alone, I have to
break up with you. After 7 long years. All down the tube. All for

You say it's your debt alone and you can "take care of it." Feh. I'll
believe it when I see it.

Actually, I won't be around. You're toast, buddy. I'm too old for
this shit. I want a man who is mature and knows how to handle his money
and not need a babysitter to handle his finances.

I'm sitting here crying because I just lost my best friend of 7 years.
I don't want to be alone at age 38. I don't want to start all over
again. I don't want you to go. I still love you beyond measure. But
you have to go. Just on principle alone.

I hope you find the life you're looking for. But you'll have to do it
without me.