Monday, October 26, 2009

True Wife Confession 303 See Other

Confession #3021

I saw someone in a walker standing in the road late at night and
stopped to help her. I gave her a ride to her niece's house. I
didn't tell you because I knew you would lecture me about safety and,
more importantly, you would resent me doing anything to help someone
who isn't a member of our household. You get annoyed if I babysit my
sister's kids, too.

Confession #3022

Dear Husband,
I have been married to you for 15 yrs and I am so bored with you. You have an extremely low sex drive and even viagra doesn't work on you. Pathetic. I keep myself up in every physical way and you are a blob to me. Other men look at me and I wish I could be with some of them. Even just to get intellectually stimulated (which does not happen with you.) This is our second marriage and I am not really young so my dilemma is should I just stay in this marriage with all the insurance benefits Or leave this marriage. The thought of setting up my own computer and getting myself insurance is truly nauseating! Not having to eat dinner alone is a plus and I guess most couples stay in their marriages at this stage life.

Confession #3023

I miss you.

Not the you who, blaming me for everything, walked away from the marriage and lied to his friends and family about why our lives fell apart.

No, I miss the man I married. He was wonderful, and we had a bright future ahead of us. I miss the man who told my best friend that I was the woman he had been waiting for his whole life. I miss the man who promised to grow old with me. I miss the man I adored and who adored me, who loved every little kindness I did for him, and who would have taken a bullet for me. He was a wonderful, kind, sweet, generous, loving man, and I loved him.

I feel like he's gone forever. As though he'll never come back . . . even if you walk back in that door.

Stupid mental disorder. You wouldn't take responsibility for it. You let it win. You let it destroy everything good about you, and then you blamed me for the damage it caused.

I can forgive you for the pain, the hurt, and the damage, but I cannot forgive you for letting it destroy your life, my life, and our marriage. What happened was senseless. We'll both be the poorer for it, and forever wonder what our lives would have been like otherwise. It's not too late--but it will be soon. You can still fix this. Please, wake up and understand what really happened. Please, get a proper therapist who understands your condition. Please, before I'm forced to divorce you. Please, it will soon be too late. Please.

Confession #3024

I have cheated on my husband with my ex-boyfriend through out my ten year marriage. I even had sex with my ex-boyfriend while I was pregnant. I am a horrible wife.

Confession #3025

I am trying hard to fall back in love with you. Please don't fuck it up with explosions of anger or other disappointments.

Confession #3026

We are perfect. We had a nasty issue, and worked it out like adults. We are honest. We are sexy. We live 1700 miles apart. I'm used to the ache now. Once a month is for periods and utility bills, not putting my face in your chest and inhaling like a drowning person breaking the water's surface. I want to do that every day. When you graduate and move here, will it be the same? Or will you look at me across the kitchen and wonder why I haven't left for the airport yet? Have we done so well adjusting to half a continent, that an apartment will feel like a bear trap? These are the things that keep me up at night. I miss you. I love you. I have married you a thousand times already. I just want to know that when we do it for real, you won't miss all the space that the distance between Denver and New York has allowed. I know I wont.

Confession #3027

You tried to retain the same lawyer as me for our divorce. Her name and her firms name were plastered all over the papers you had been served with and you still didn't twig when you "googled" for a lawyer and picked her because she was close to the house. You still didn't twig until she saw your papers when you sat down with her and she had to tell you she was my lawyer. Thanks for confirming yet again why I'm leaving.

Confession #3028

The reason I am fucking him is because he's nice to me. Something that you can't be bothered to do.

I don't feel guilty. I feel empowered.

Confession #3029

You cheated on me a year ago - I cleaned all 3 bathrooms (including YOUR nasty toilet that you hadn't even bothered to flush AGAIN!!) with your toothbrush - now I feel bad that you have had a bad bad sinus infection since I did it - you think I am being so caring when I am trying to get you meds and doctors appointments - It's not so much care as guilt - but think you could have caught so much worse off that skanky homewrecking whore had I not found out when I did - so maybe no more guilt for me!!!

Confession #3030

I started confessing here when my husband began his hamfisted attempts at opening up our marriage. I didn't really want to be with anyone else. Because he wanted it so much, I reluctantly agreed; he proceeded to break his own promises, disrespect our mutual friend, pressure me into a dozen things I hated, surround me with unpleasant surprises and emotional blackmail, and then act completely surprised when I told him I was thinking of divorcing his ass.

And yet we made it through. Counseling helped. That, and the fact that I could see all too well that he really had no intention of being such an asshat. He just had a lot of learning to do.

Do I sound like I'm still angry? I am. I'm angry that the man I married turned out to be a spoiled kid who can't even faintly imagine saying no to himself when he wants something, even knowing that it will hurt me. And I'm angry that I seem to need him in my life anyway.

I'm also still in love with him. He's not just the man who keeps trying to fuck our friends. He's also the man who drove me back and forth to my family's house a hundred times while my father was ill. He's the man who overheard me reminiscing about a song I liked and hunted down the rare album for me. He's the man who looks after me when I walk in my sleep. He puts up with my annoying brother. He takes my cats to the vet.

I didn't make my vows lightly, and neither did he. It's bittersweet. We love each other, and we deserve each other, and we're in this for good.

Monday, October 12, 2009

True Wife Confession 302 hay bales

Confession #3011

I've slept with 2 of your friends, it was great. I would have felt bad about it but you were having sex with your first cousin.

Confession #3012

have a social etiquette problem...a guy I dated for about 2 years died over the weekend and a few of my friends have gotten in touch with me to let me know or "check-in" on me...with my 3 real friends from that town i can be totally up front and tear that physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing jerkface down like we always do...(what? he was drunk driving on his way to either hook up with some girl he met at the bar or do coke) but with some of people that contact me i feel the need to hide my real feelings and pretend he was some great guy...i have a similar problem with my other dead boyfriend..he died 5 1/2 years ago when i was 19 and we were still dating at the time but it was a bad relationship and either one of us was going to die (lots of first time drug and alcohol experiences going on) or we were going to have a horrible break-up...we are from the same home town so after it first happened i moved to another town where i met the jerkface cause i couldn't deal with being somewhere we had grown up i'm back in my hometown and people are finding me on facebook and asking if i dated the guy who died cause they went to school with him and such...and once again they remember him as this shining example of a man...i remember a drunk, an abuser, a guy with more mommy and daddy issues than i've seen in anyone but my own father...but i say all the nice things...he was great, i miss him everyday...and that's a little true but mostly i remember the crying and the fear and i just thank isis that i'm here and alive and they can't control or hurt me i put this here so that the people on myspace and facebook wouldn't think i'm an awful person

Confession #3013

From a Husband:
Why do you feel that just because you think you're cleaner, you are welcome to whine and complain about EVERY little thing! You leave your hairs on the sink for days yet if I shave and leave a few hairs on the counter, I'm a messy person. My hairs take up less space than your head hairs, and tend to sit there less time than yours because I shave only once every couple weeks.

Why do I have to hear about everything the roommate does even though I had nothing to do with it. Why is it that if he is messy, "the guys" made the mess. It's not fair. I didn't marry you for this treatment. I married you because you were a loving woman who cares more about other people than anyone else I know, unless they make a mess. If a mess is made, they may as well have spit on your family name, because they're going to hear about it. I clean up little messes you make and say nothing. You have to make it known every time that you are cleaning my mess. How is that fair. Why do I put up with it? I'm starting to not remember why.

All I want is for you to relax and not be uptight about things. I want you to not blow up at little things. If I do something worthy of it, go ahead, yell, scream, call me names, I deserve it, but if I forgot to clean up something (that you acknowledge I'm doing better at remembering to do now), then drop it. Don't bitch. Don't complain. Just do it. I do it for you.

Stop going to these sites. They don't help you. All they do is make you think that I am doing horrible things by reinforcing a negative image of men and our habits. Women aren't that much better, just different. If I complained as much as you did, you would have done the things I did tonight. You would have said the things I did, called me the names I called you. Stop it. Please. I love you, but you're doing a good job of making it hard for me to do that. I've asked you this before. I know how often you read this site. I'm asking you here. Please stop thinking I'm bad. I'm not. I'm just different and deal with different things than you do. Try taking care of all the things I do. I bet you if we switched rolls, I could continue to clean, you wouldn't have a clue how to do the things I do. How do you fix the computer? Go hook up the new tv we just got (no manuals allowed). Go move the really heavy items that you can't lift. Go DRIVE!!! Go to the grocery store by yourself more than once a month. I usually go atleast 3 times a month by myself. You complain at the thought of it! Call the pizza place on your on for once. I can't even eat it, yet I have to order it for you! Its not my fault I'm allergic to it, but you're doing an amazing job of rubbing it in my face everytime you make me order my favorite food from before I had the allergy. It makes me feel great! It makes me want to jump off a bridge!

And if you really want to continue with it, sure, I'm messy, but you refuse to drive anywhere. You refuse to goto the grocery store by yourself (which is across the street!!!). Aside from going to work, you don't do anything outside of the house unless I take you! I do all the technical things. I deal with EVERYTHING outside the house. Maybe if you dealt with that, I'd be more able and willing to help inside the house. Don't give any excuses for not driving either. You chose to be afraid after my accident. You weren't even in the truck. You were at home, all by yourself, not helping, not doing anything. You weren't involved, yet you're the one that developed a fear of driving! I don't want to hear how unfair I am. It's equal and you refuse to recognize that.

Now, stop being so self righteous and come back down to earth and join me! I love you. I want you. But I want you to be reasonable! If you can't do that, this isn't going to last long. I don't want that.

Confession #3014

When I’m downstairs like this all I can think about is you lying in bed and how much I wish I was by your side. However, I cannot sleep and I don’t want to wake you because I know you need your sleep. Here it is 3am and all I can do is think about you. You are everything I have ever hoped for and dreamed of. I love the way you laugh and joke with me, I love the way you smile when you look at me. I love so many things about you I don’t know if I can list them all.

You know when you leave for work and I’m still in bed, you lean in to kiss me goodbye and you smell so good I just want to pull you back in bed with me and make love to you. You are an amazing lover! So sweet, tender, and unselfish. You actually make me believe that you almost worship my body and that is an incredible feeling.

When you walk in from work and smile at me the way you do, it makes me feel so alive. My heart really does beat faster when I hear the garage door open. It means you are home and will be smiling at me soon. I love that smile that you have, the one that’s just for me.

I love the way you call and tell me you love me, and the way we call each other several times a day just to say hi. It always brightens my day and lets me know you are thinking of me. I am thinking of you too.

I love the talks that we have. Many times we have great discussions that go on for hours and it makes me feel like my input is important to you. I love hearing you talk about anything and everything. Your insight into our lives is something I love hearing about. I love planning our future together, it lets me know you love me and will be around for always. We have such big plans and dreams and I love working towards them with you. I like being your partner in this life.

Without you I don’t know where I would be, probably completely lost, but instead you came into my life and not only saved me, you gave me a better life. I cannot thank you enough for loving me and taking care of me. Thank you for letting me love you and for letting me be who I am and not trying to change who I am. You try to change me for the better and that’s good. You are my champion and always in my corner. I never had that before and I appreciate it. It makes me feel special that someone cares that much about me. You believe in me more than I do.

I really do believe you are a good father. You love our children so much and it shows in everything you do. Sometimes I may disagree with how you go about things, but I cannot deny that your way is more Christ like. You are so caring and patient with me and them, it’s almost unbelievable. But I know it’s true. You put all others above you. You take care of everyone and everything and for that I am extremely grateful.

I have no secrets from you; I know this was not always true. The way you stood by me this past year with my health issues and other problems has been incredible. It’s a true testament to the man that you are. I’m so grateful to your parents for helping to make you the man you are today.

I love that we still have so much love and affection for each other even after all these years. Sometimes I feel like we are still newlyweds and I pray every day that that feeling doesn’t go away. Although I really don’t see it changing and that makes me incredibly happy.

I love you for the man you are and I’m so incredibly amazed that I found someone like you. You are everything to me. My husband, my lover, my best friend, and most of all one day you will be my eternal companion. I cannot wait for that day to come. To know that I will be with you for eternity will make me so incredibly happy! You are a man like no other. You make me feel like there’s no other woman in the world, I love knowing that I’m going to feel like that forever!

Confession #3015

Aint it funny how you ALWAYS blame me for not being "wet enough" and needing to use lube on the VERY rare occasions we do have sex and even then it still hurts and is so pleasureless for me - yet with my lover I am so VERY wet and come EVERY TIME in fact usually more than once!
I married you because I was naive enough to think that because I loved you (which I no longer do) that the sex would get better and it did - just not with you!

Confession #3016

My love,

Though these times may be dark and filled with many hardships and obstacles, I am truly and completely still in love with you. I am in pain everyday, though smiling inside knowing what is possible for us. Sometimes I feel like I would wait for an eternity just to be able to really feel you again. But pray it won't take that long.

Through all of our past difficulties, you were always the one that I held up as my bright shining light, the one who gave of themselves more than anyone and who loved me without selfishness from the bottom of your kind heart. Soon the only truth will be me and you. No more of what has cost us both so much. The only darkness will be behind us, and the passion that we silence will come bursting forth, into reality, never to be lost again.

It is not spoken, but I love you so much baby. I burn for you everyday, I always have and I always will. My heart won't rest until you can feel that for real.

Confession #3017

To my fantastically new husband;

I checked your text messages today and I feel horrible about it. I know why I did it too; not because I don't trust you, not because I think you are cheating on me (despite the fact that we haven't had sex in two weeks because of my impending due date and ever expanding stomach), and not because you did anything to provoke me to go digging... but because MY EX was so slimy and horrible that I had to check his text messages to see if I needed to get checked for STD's at my next DR appointment. Which I did, EVERY TIME. I wish I knew of a way to erase the past and forget about my selfish, slimy, self centered, nasty, horrible ex husband. I wish I had met you first. You are so good to me and wonderful and I am so excited to be starting a family with you and I wish, I WISH, you were my only husband, instead of my second. I know that we will be happy together for the long haul... as long as I can curb my need to snoop. A need I never had before the EX. I am so sorry I checked your texts (which were wonderfully boring) and I hope I never have to opportunity to do so again. So please don't forget your phone at home when you go to work anymore. Thank you. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Your shameful new wife

Confession #3018

You sit there and put on a pretty show for other people, but I know the real you. The one that won't do laundry, or anything with your kids, or clean house. I have to do everything around here except make dinner and run the dishwasher. You won't mop, or clean a bathroom, or clean up the desk. All this, and unemployed too. While I work full time and am still taking care of the house.

I cheated 5 years ago, and I'm seriously considering it again. The reason the last time I cheated was because I was being ignored. Guess what? Your doing it again. You refuse to talk about anything, and when I try, you get pissed. So where does that leave me? Writing a confession while you're probably busy playing your damn game, yet again.

Confession #3019

Very little irritates me about you but for the love of Goddess can we not chuck out the boxes of unopened software you worked on 10 years ago? I mean we're not using it, it doesn't have your name on it saying "QAed by So and So"

Confession #3020

I confessed in the early days, I confessed in the middle days and I confessed fairly recently. The spirit of the confessions started as silly little secrets kept from the husband. ( The stroller is bent because I backed over it with the car.) Quickly we jumped to I am sleeping around, I want to sleep around, I hate you, I dip your toothbrush in the toilet, etc. I stopped confessing because I felt better about my relationship, my good feelings aren't secrets; I tell my husband that I love him. I think misery loves company. I read the confessions when I was unhappy; I could feel companionship because others felt the same way. Or I could tell myself things aren't as bad as ####. The comments sections get downright nasty sometimes, or they did. I don't read the comments anymore. I don't care what other people say about my confession. I just feel better to have gotten off my chest.

And honey, I really hate the way you cook the bacon. I like my bacon crispy.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Lessons Learned

Recently, one of the readers left a comment that has lingered in my mind.

What happened? From the first confessions to the present day ones - What happened?
Would anyone care to update us? Me?

Share with us your lessons - good, bad or indifferent.

In the mean time, spread the word about TWC - Confessions have been slow as of late, so if you've been thinking about sending one in - now is the time.