Monday, September 29, 2008

True Wife Confessions 268 Opera Plots

Confession #2671

Just how hard is it to change the cat litter box? I mean seriously, I was gone for 4 days. It would take about 3 minutes to scoop out the pee and poop so that when I returned home after driving in the pouring rain for 2 hours, picking up our son, picking up dinner for the three of us that it didn't smell like a goddamn sewer in the house. When I finally got to the cat box later that night I saw it was obvious you hadn't touched it at all.. So unbelievably gross. Oh, and, taking credit for the housework my mother did while I was gone, so uncool. I know you did not make up the guest bed, start laundry, do a load of dishes or sweep the floor. That had my mother written all over it.

Just why is it that you think it is ok to be a lazy ass? a slob? waiting for me to pick up after you? I am so done. Done with being your maid, done with waiting on you hand and foot. The day will come when we separate. You will be in a world of hurt.

Confession #2672

Twenty years we've been together and I've never once been physically attracted to you. It's not that you're not a generous, attentive lover--you are. It's just that without that spark, all I can do is use every image of every porno I ever saw in order to get to the finish line. I love you the way I love my family. I love you for being a great father and a devoted husband. But I will never love you in that passionate, can't-wait-to-see-you-again kind of way. I'll never leave you, and you'll never leave me. We're destined to spend our lives together. We're happy. We're good to one another. We have great kids. But knowing that I'll never feel that spark? That makes me so sad.

Confession #2673

to my baby, the photographer...i'm still winning.
wish it didn't have to be so all or nothing for you.
i'm willing to share every bit of me. within my circumstances.
i love you completely. there has never been and will never be another that i will love like you.

Confession #2674

I have a confession. I love you more than anything. I have put my entire self on hold to make you happy. I worked my butt off from 2am till midnight. Everyday of the week to get us out of debt so you wouldn't have to take a second job. I bought you a new house, a new truck, a new four wheeler. I do all the housework so you don't have to. I don't even make you help with the kids. I'm so afraid of you leaving me and afraid of your unhappiness that I put all my needs, wants and desires on hold -to make your world easy.... so that you wont leave me.

And what do I get in return? You come home every night and yell if things are out of order or the kids aren't ready for bed. You find something to yell about. You want dinner on the table everynight, sex everynight. You say you hate your life and that you feel unfulfilled. I hate it that I can't make you happy. I hate that you don't love me. I hate it that you can't be happy with me. I hate myself for loving you. I hate that I choose you over being alone and divorced and being a single mom. I hate that I need you so much. I hate that I love you more than anything.

Confession #2675

Dear Hubby,
When you wake up in the morning and say that your head hurts, or feel like I have been hitting you all night..your right. I smack your jaw shut over and over again until you stop snoring...I also push you over so that you will those pains in your back are really caused by me!

Confession #2676

I love you and our family together more than anything in the world. In fact, you and the boys ARE my world. I love that I am your wife, it is what I had wanted since I fell in love with you years ago. My only confession is this, much as I do like to work usually, and as much as I do like to earn my own money and as much as having a job outside of the home boosts my self confidence,...I really secretly wish that we had a good enough income that there would be no problem with me being a full time stay at home mom. I would really love to take care of the house, the dog, our boys, you, pay our bills and make extravagant meals and all that crap that most women seem to loathe anymore. I would absolutely love it. .....*sigh*...but I love you insanely no matter what, and I'll still be happy,...just a bit grumpy at times as having a job outside of the home is really just one more job to add to the other hundred I will have waiting at home regardless:)

Confession #2677

I am so glad your mother is moving I can't even explain it. I'm sorry that you're upset, but she'll be a plane ride away. I'm sorry but when she comes up to "visit" she won't be staying with us. You have 4 other siblings that can have her. I'm not going to be her taxi driver or clean up after her. I'm not going to put up with her insulting me or my family for god knows how long. She's lazy, she could have a desk job but refuses, she could drive, again, she refuses. She needs to quit smoking, she's killing herself and will not be allowed to be around me when I'm pregnant or smoke near our kids. I know she's your mother and you love her, but she should be looking out for you guys, not the other way around. Stop coddling her!!!! I just hope she stays there this time.

Confession #2678

You really are such a JERK!! If only you knew that I wish you'd get some illness and only have a short time to live. As awful as that sounds it's true. You totally suck at communication. I've NEVER seen someone so horrible at it. I've stayed in this sucky relationship for 17 years and now find out that you've been cheating on me for most of the relationship. I hate the fact that I'm NEVER allowed to talk to you. It's either I just got home, I'm tired, wait til the weekend (but then it never happens anyway). I leave messages on your voice mail but you don't even listen to them. You just delete them right away. I really couldn't fucking believe you do that. I so want out of this HORRIBLE relationship. I'm only hear because of the kids and don't plan on being here that much longer. You really SUCK and I do hope you get what's coming to you.

Confession #2679

I wish I could count on you. I asked you to tidy up the house because we were going to have guests tonight. You managed to straighten up the garage, but left me to the dishes, make the beds, make sure the bathrooms were clean, etc. You still have a pile of shit from last week sitting out in plain view. While I made dinner you ran off to take care of your "errands". Why don't you see what needs to be done without being told?

Confession #2680

I am watching "Mad Men" on my computer while you sit on the couch in the other room doing a crossword. I am trying to decide whether introducing you to the show will encourage your drinking problem, or dampen it. I resent this managing role I have to play. Managing your ego (I have to talk about your amazing dinners for more minutes than you talk about mine, or you're despondent). Managing your laziness (oh so gently reminding you to study for the GRE, cautiously suggesting we clean the house, cheerfully insisting we should go to your friends' parties since you told them we would). Managing your drinking (your parents are alcoholics, they had a horrible marriage, you get irrational and mean when you're drunk, so get a grip and stop playing this out, stop blaming it on me, I want to help you, I want you to thrive, I'm on your side, so please remove this toxic element from our lives). Managing your negativity (I was so embarrassed last weekend when my brother called you on your negativity, and how you sulked and didn't speak to my family the whole weekend. I hate that my brother knows I am around a negative person all the time. I hate that I have to admit to myself how inhibited I've become when I talk, because I am too sensitive to handle your naysaying, devil's advocate view, criticism, discouragement, outlandish knee-jerk downer responses that aren't logical).

You and I have sex every day, sometimes twice. It's very good sex usually. Aside from my period (during which I make sure to give you lots on non-intercourse attention) it's very rare for a day to go by without sex. Most strong-libidoed men would be satisfied. Well, on Friday night you had way too much to drink with our houseguests and came upstairs as I was getting ready for bed at 2a.m. and said, "I want to have sex with you." I could smell cigarette smoke and stale alcohol, and I could envision the half-hard bad sex we'd have with you that drunk. I was about to say yes when I thought, no, this is not what I want. I do not want sex right now. I want to sleep. Can I make a reasonable choice here and not be punished for it? Of course, this is my husband, I'm just stating what I want and need. I hugged you and said, "Darling, we don't have very good sex when you're drunk, so not now, but tomorrow we will. Let's sleep." You then accused me of being cold, and said various cruel things. I put my earplugs in, because although it's "all about communication" it's also about self-preservation, and I don't consider immature drunken insults "communication" I need to hear. I no longer feel they will reveal anything.

How do all these women out there who don't have sex everyday get away with it? I feel jealous, like they can say "no" many times a month and not get in trouble. I say no twice a year and I'm branded awful and get the cold shoulder for days. You are such a baby, and so selfish. I used to love men. I have good relationships with my dad and brothers. I have often defended men when women made angry generalizations. But now I get it. I am sick of your selfishness, I am sick of your constant neediness. Where are the real men? These weak, underachieving drama queens are out of control.

You have not spoken to me for two days, and our houseguests think we have a bad marriage. I hate their condescension and pity and judgment. But you three exclude me, and drink too much, and I'm left out of your club. So every time we're around them a little conflict becomes a big awkward thing. You know what? They are lame, insular, undereducated jerks. And it's unacceptable that you to confide in them about what's going on between us, because a) you're not respecting the privacy of our marriage, and b) it's only going to make them like me less, and make these weekends with them even less tolerable.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

True Wife Confession # 267 Infusions

Confession #2661

I hate your mother and I know that you cannot stand mine. Every time I think of your mother I get a scowl on my face. I don’t think that I have disliked anyone as much as I dislike her. She is passive-aggressive, demeaning and just plain shitty. Get her out of my life. I would be happier with you if it were not for her. You are weak when it comes to her, cut the fing strings already! She is not your wife! I am! Can’t you see that? Would you be happier if I took the kids and left, so that way the two of you could like in bliss without me in the way? Most of the time I think so.

Confession #2662

Major confession: I've faked every single orgasm since we started having sex. It's not that you aren't a good lover, but you go too fast and expect me to respond very quickly. It's just easier to fake it rather than trying to give you direction and slow you down. Second confession: I wish you'd just slow down so I could relax and enjoy it.

Confession #2663

I know I said I hated you. I really don't. I have come home because I missed you. The being of you, the smile you have for me and yes, even to watch you sleeep. I wanted the space, to see you on weekends, and you gave it to me. Maybe we really are meant to be....
Love Me

Confession #2664

I leave my car unlocked. No one is ever going to steal it. I have lots of
crap to carry out to the car in the morning, and when I get to the car and
the doors are locked, I know that there is only one reason. You have locked
them. Now I have to lug all that crap back into the house, find my keys, go
out to the car, unlock the doors, go back inside, pick up all the crap, and
walk back out to the car.


Confession #2665

What a mess. A horrible, horrible mess I am in.

I am barely hanging on by my fingernails to my sanity. Sometimes a mere word or thought misplaced sends tears to my eyes. It's frustrating to me how easily I cry now, because I was always the strong one who would never let anyone see my tears fall. Why?

I don't think I'm good enough. I keep getting comments from everyone to "keep reading" when I have barely enough time to sleep. I failed Step 3 and now have to pay another hefty >$700 to take it again. I hope to goodness that I pass.

My family won't help me. After 6 months they finally begged to have the baby over for a week, only to end up asking us to take her back because they couldn't handle her for two days. Two days!! And people wonder why I don't talk to them.

I'm broke. To the point where I can't even buy new shoes even though my clogs are full of holes. And I'm married to a man who doesn't make half of what I do. And then he complains about having two days off a week but not having any time for himself while I work a full schedule plus every 4th night >24h call. On top of that I don't even sleep in the same bed as him for crying out loud. But I'm not even physically attracted to him anymore because he refuses to take care of himself, and then he complains about being sick all the time. I'm a surgeon, damnit, I can't cure diabetes with my magic fingers! I don't know what I am doing with him.

I am head-over-heels in love with someone who doesn't love me back. I think he's gotten what he wanted from me and now he's done. And what he doesn't know is that if he wanted, if he only asked once, I would have given up literally everything just to be with him. Whoever said that lovers can't be friends was right, because every time I even hear his voice, every time I even catch a glimpse of him, and even after all that I've been through with him, I wish all over again that he were mine. He is a brilliant, gorgeous, intelligent man who knows exactly how to make me feel good in so many, many ways, and I hate the thought that I've had a taste of that and can never have it ever again.

All of this is literally driving me insane and I don't know how much longer I can bear it. Every night I cry myself to sleep. It's a miracle I wake up every morning because I go to bed wishing that I would die, just never wake up ever again just so I wouldn't have to bear all of this misery.

Confession #2666

I'm tired enough of feeling hurt all the time, hanging on the hope that you might be sexually interested in me, but finding that even when you promise to work on it, it never lasts for very long. On some level I'm glad I told you no more sex. Ar least I can let the hope die, and when yet another week or month goes by without so much as a flicker of interest, I can pretend that it's because you respect my wishes.

Deep down I'm crushed that you didn't argue with me at all. Just, ok, if it's what you have to do. Like you don't care at all. I recognize some of this is your depression talking, and I am glad you're getting help. But what I really want, more than the sex itself, is to feel like you give a shit about me as a woman, that I am more to you than a best friend and housemate. Remember how I was beyond happy the last time you seemed to want me? Clearly it didn't make an impression.

You're wonderful in every other way, and I adore you in spite of all this mess. I just wish there were a way to bottle that fleeting connection we occasionally find in the bedroom, so I could feel that closeness with you more than once in a blue moon. But I can't have that, so I am walling myself off. I hope I remember how to live in a sexless relationship.

Confession #2667

Stop acting so put out and put upon about my finally FORCING you to get rid of your ex-wife's personalized license plate from YOUR car by refusing to ride in it anymore! Only 19 months after I first started asking you to! It's NOT THAT HARD!!!

Confession #2668

I think I'm finally getting through to you! When you remain absolutely silent during sex it feels like a gynecological exam. You talk during initial foreplay, but once it gets serious I get no feedback at all. It's ain't sexy. It ain't fun. Staring at me with your hand on my clit actually turns me off, like I'm some sort of safe you have to crack before you can poke me. Pumping away until you come with a silent shudder is a little creepy. Clear and simple, it turns me on to hear you moan and breathe heavy. It feels like we're making love, connecting as a couple. I finally got what I asked for last night and the orgasm was mind blowing. I had begun to have doubts, but we may make it as a couple after all.

Next lesson in your sexual education: stop saying "you're so wet!" like I'm a dirty whore.

Your girlfriend

Confession #2669

Wow. I kind of can’t believe you forgot to get me a gift/take me to dinner/make me a freaking card for my birthday. You’ve NEVER done anything like this before, and so as angry and hurt as I am, I feel like I should just get over it because, hey, it could be worse. But STILL.

Confession #2670

I don't dislike you. I think you are a very decent and kind human being. You are a great father. We drifted apart and I worry that nothing can bring us back together. I don't love you anymore. I don't respect your political or religious beliefs. You don't stimulate me intellectually or physically. You are so fucking uptight and boring that I would rather wax my bikini line than spend an evening talking to you. I stay with you because I think it's good for the kids while they are young. I feel bad for you. I feel bad that you aren't any fun and don't seem to have any fun. I feel bad that you seem to still be in love with me. I feel bad that you are trying so hard to make me love you again but that I am in love with another man.

Monday, September 15, 2008

True Wife Confession 266 million wireless subscribers

Confession #2651

I have never enjoyed sex with anyone the way I do with you. The way you touch me, the way we actually talk and communicate in bed create the most amazing safe space for us to explore. Not only that, but I was never a fan of getting head, as it never did much for me. But with you? Amazing. You take an hour to lick and tease and just relax me - no other expectations or demands.

This amazing safe space has allowed us to start exploring parts of my - and your - sexuality that we never shared with anyone else. I adore you being dominant in bed - which you did after I asked you to - holding me down playfully, telling me to suck your cock, asking if I am your dirty sends shivers down me even as I write this.

I always loved sex, but with you it has become almost transcendent. I thank you for opening that door.

Confession #2652

Everyone wants to tell you how great it is to be a dad. Two of our friends who have kids have both pulled you aside in the last couple of weeks to enthuse about it, and they say to you that even though they don't get to come out to rock shows with us much any more, it's all worth it for the feeling of holding their very own children, and that the love between them and their wives is deeper than ever, and that they love being involved dads who know how to change diapers and things. Your boss has done this too. My boss has even done it.

None of this is too strange--I mean, I'm sure it really is great to be a dad, and I'm very happy for all of our dad friends. What I find funny is that their wives, the moms, aren't having the same conversation with me.

No one seems to know that you'd probably be fine with becoming a dad--the real reason we don't have kids is that I don't want them.

Confession #2653

My Confession: I love my husband more than life itself.

I waited to get married until the ripe age of 46. I thought I would make a wiser choice in selecting a spouse if I saw and interacted with a huge selection of people from everywhere to ensure I knew what was out there and to be able to recognize a 1-in-a-million when he came along.

Guess what? My plan worked.

I fell in love with you, dear treasure, sight unseen.
You lived 3,000 miles away from me when we met, yet it was sooo easy to pack up, leave my family, friends, job, my entire way of life, drive 3,000 miles across the country, and move in with you....Not a single second thought, I was that certain.

Today we have known each other for exactly 5 years and been married for 1 1/2 years.

And still, during moments that would seem mundane or lackluster to others, and while you are unaware, I look at you and truly see you, and it hurts. It hurts because I truly see you, all the way into your soul. And it hurts because it is so beautiful. It hurts because I realize how easily fate or 'the gods' could have kept us apart or even separate us in the future. It hurts because you are so incredible, and I love you so completely, but unfortunately, life deems that nothing is forever.

So I just smile to myself, and say a prayer of thanks to God for my greatest gift of finding you and having you for many yesterdays, today, and for however many tomorrows I am blessed with.

I love you, my dearest husband, my greatest love….unconditionally and absolutely…just as you love me.

Thank you, darling.

Confession #2654

I don't understand why you are saying I won't go on the motorcycle with you when you haven't asked me. You take the kids, all 3 of them at once, but not me. BUT you did the right thing today when you went over to the boy's house who made our son cry today. Too bad the father over there isn't a stand up guy like you. I love you, but I am still not ready to tell you.
Love me

Confession #2655

I have to confess. Since we met 8 months ago, I've been watching your online activity. I know you've been checking your mail at 3 online dating sites daily for the past 8 months. Even after we had the "exclusive" talk about 7 months ago, you are still online daily. Even after you told me you love me and only me, you are still online daily. Even after I took my own online profile down (and you commented on it), you are still online daily. Even after we talked about living together and possibly even getting married, you are still online daily. And you think I have no clue. Pffft. I'm just waiting for you to hang yourself with your lies. Then I'll kick your ass to the curb so fast your head will spin. You'll see.

Confession #2656

Ladies - I need your help. I have read many of these confessions because I wanted to try to better understand my wife. She is in the midst of an internal struggle where I believe she is trying to decide if she wants to keep our marriage together or not. She is craving for independence, and I know she still loves me but I am not sure it is enough for her. She has been lying frequently to me about where she is and what she is doing. I know she is lying because of a few things that happened (her friend called the house when she was supposed to be out with my wife, and other things like this) but I have given her the benefit of doubt that whatever she is doing she needs to do for herself. I just wish she didn't have to lie to me. I have not called her out yet on any of these lies because I admit for many of our years of marriage I was way to jealous and made her feel bad for things she didn't even do. She will just think I am being jealous again and I am not now - -- but I am concerned. I have not been snoopy or anything for the few months she has been lying and am trying not to be but these lies are killing me. There was another guy in the picture awhile ago and she also talked to me about ending our marriage. She said not be with him but to be alone and independent. She also said that someone else could make me happier than her. I didn't handle it well and asked her to give us some more time and see if our marriage is the problem of if it is other things going on in her life. For the last 2 months she has shown me wonderful love like the old days and things are good except for ----well all the lying. I believe she is living a double life so to speak.

After doing a lot of soul searching and reading on this site what other women are going through internally I realize and accept the possibility that she may not want to be married to me anymore. I don't understand why because we do get along great but I am willing to accept it. I think maybe she is just loving me out of her responsibility to love me. I feel much like I am one of our teenagers where she does her best to make sure we have everything and are happy but what drives her is the other double life.

What I need advice on is how to talk to her about this. I don't know how to start that will not make her defensive and end up in an argument. I want to let her know that I will be OK, if she wants to leave me even thought I think it would be a mistake. I cannot go on living like this where she tells me she is working the weekend away and I know she is lying and is somewhere else. Believe me - I want her to be happy but I can't handle the feeling of being lied to by the one I cherish so much.

A husband

Confession #2657

I hate my husband's orgasm face. I think he either looks like he's in extreme pain or about ready to go to the bathroom. I always try to make sure he isn't facing me when he comes because it totally ruins the mood for me.

Confession #2658

I want you! Not him, not the man i have been married to for 14 years. You are a shit. I know that. I don't care. I want you. Not him!

Confession #2659

No you never hit me with a closed fist, but you did push me and you have thrown things at me and for some reason you never realized that it was the disrespect that hurt the most, not the pain. I'm glad it has stopped but I still think about it often.

I don't know what to think about that girl you met before we got married. Whether you did or not, I've just accepted that fact that you probably cheated and I've just moved on. I shouldn't have let myself do that.

You are a great Father to your daughter, but part of being a great Dad means helping your wife actually take care of your children. Not just playing and doing the fun stuff all of the time. I'm tired of being the bad guy who gives baths, stuggles to dress her and asks her to sit quietly at restaurants.

You think that money means everything, but it means nothing to me. I was happy when I had none and I wish you didn't think it was so important. It has brought nothing but trouble into out lives.

You have an anger problem and you know it but you won't do anything about it. I can make an appointment for you, but if you don't really want to make the changes yourself then there is nothing I can do.

And for some reason, I still love you as much as I did 9 years ago. I still get excited about you coming home, I love to be with you, we have the most amazing sex EVER and that you still find new ways to show me that you care.

I just hope that is enough to see us through our problems. I really do.

Confession #2660

I dream every night about being with another woman. not just sexual but sensual and sweet and romantic. I wake up sad when I realize that is not my life. I get even sadder knowing I will never have that chance to be with a woman.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

True Wife Confessions 265 raindrops fallin' on my head

Confession # 2641

You asked me a while back how much pot I smoke. I smoke every night you're at band rehearsal.
So, four times a week. Five if I've had to lead a Brownie troop meeting.

But I get the coffee pot set up the night before, keep the house clean, pay all our bills, make lunches, get the kids to school, lead the Brownies, play with our children and keep our house a happy place for you and the kids. I enjoy my tokes. Shut up about it already.

Confession # 2642

Truth is I'm terrified of ending up like you. You are one of the most negative people I know. You don't like any of our friends, you don't like our family, there's always something wrong, you always expect things to go wrong. I can feel my mood dropping as I approach home each day. It's so hard to stay positive for both of us and I just can't do it anymore. You're right, your life sucks...but only because you make it that way. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Guess what! It's about to suck even more because I'm getting the hell out of this funeral parlor. You have finally managed to push everyone out of your life.

Confession # 2643

Honey, I love you. I really do. But I hate having sex with you. It's terrible. Years ago, I sacrificed great sex for a great man. I tell you that I just don't like sex. That I must have lost my sex drive when I had the baby. I tell you that it will pass. I tell you that we just have to keep having sex and eventually it will come back to me. But the truth is, I do like sex. I just don't like sex with you. That's why when he emailed me today, I thought about having an affair. I really REALLY enjoyed sex with him. But then I remembered why I married you. And the great sex wouldn't be worth losing you. But I do wonder how I will live the rest of my life and never have an amazing sex life again.

Confession # 2644

Yes, I am angry with you. I'm angry because you never asked me. Never mind that it was a non-issue that your daughter is coming to live with us because her mother is - well - not doing her job. Of course she can come, but you did not ask me. You did not discuss living arrangements, or school, or how we're going to pay for anything with me. That shows me, yet again, how much you take me for granted. You do not treat me like your partner. You treat me like some little girl who can't think for herself. You assume that everything here is "ours" - (including my notebooks, but that's another rant). My asking your opinion is me trying to include you, not me asking you to do it for me, so don't get angry. And then when you say you will do something you do not keep your word. How is this going to affect your daughter who, as you just now told me, is coming from a "messed up place"? Her entire security system has just failed and you expect to be able to function as her father when you can't even fulfill your partner's needs? I am afraid it will come down to one or the other and you had better damn well choose her.

Confession # 2645

The "appointment" is this Wednesday..I don't wanna do this. I wouldn't mind just running the hell away and keeping this baby. I want this baby..I wish it wasn't yours so I could keep it. I hate that once I told you, you were so adamant on doing didn't even think about it..Like you don't care..

I know you love me..that isn't the case but I hate this..all of it. And I HATE HER..I don't know her and I don't wanna meet her..I would tackle her (And THAT'S Not hormones)..I'm fine with you dating her and Me..But Still...Don't you understand that it hurts to know that if she gets pregnant..She can keep it? She can be your wife, the mother of your children. I can't. and I can bet you if she got pregnant you'd be happy...

I have So much doubt in this relationship and I've never been like this with any other boyfriend..What the hell is wrong with me? Why do i keep trying to make this work? I wanna hit you sometimes..and scream..but I don't walk away, because you kiss me and I can see your love for me in your eyes..And it's ok again.

Almost 100 pounds lighter than I was a year and a half ago..and I feel uglier than ever...

Confession # 2646

I find your furry body to be amazingly sexy. Yes, some women don't like all that body hair, but I absolutely love it. It turns me on more than any other aspect of your body. Running my fingers through it, rubbing my face across it, just looking at it -- damn, but you are one sexy man. I'm a lucky lady!

Confession # 2647

You can be rougher with me during sex. I keep telling you and you are getting better about not treating me like a doll that will break. I LOVE when you just FUCK me.

Confession # 2648

You really should have been more interested in my life. While we were seperated last time I was messing around with my ex. The one I left for you. I really regret ever leaving him. Now that I have your kids, he doesn't want to "break up a home". It isn't much of a home is it. I'm divorcing you because you stink and have horrible hygiene in general. Your unibrow makes me want to hurl. The way you scrape the gunk out of your toenails when I try to have a conversation with you makes me want to stab you with the paper clip you use! Now that I am getting rid of you, I will no longer have to deal with my stuff being pooped on, or ejaculated on. I can have sex with all the attractive guys I want to now. HA!

Confession # 2649

I got home a lot earlier than you today and I said I'd pack for our weekend away. I still haven't done it. When you get home I'll be at my computer, working on stuff for the office, and I will sigh and tell you I got derailed by my boss. What was I really doing for most of the afternoon? Reading porn in my PJs while eating popcorn. And chatting with our neighbour about the cute shit her kid does.

I'll still do the packing, but it's much more fun to do it when you're in the house, even if you're not helping in any way. And really, if I'd got it all done earlier, I would have missed out on reading porn in my PJs, cause I can't exactly do that while you're about.

Confession # 2650

Yeah, I made the mistake of slowing my husband down when he was "in the mood" yesterday - because he went straight for my crotch. That didn't go over too well.

Honey - when you wonder why I'm not "in the mood", it's because you don't know what a mood is. I tried to tell you nicely that other parts of my body respond to caressing - my neck, throat, knees and more - not just my crotch which feels unprepared for your clumsy assault. And kissing? I used to miss it, but really, you just don't kiss that well anymore. I'd like to change that. really I would. It might be fun trying and I might be in the mood more. Just a thought.

Monday, September 01, 2008

True Wife Confessions 264 summer memories

Confession # 2631

Please fuck me. Please. I keep having sex dreams about our male friends and assorted celebrities and looking at the men at work and thinking things I don't want to be thinking. I want you. Just you. I don't know what is going on or why you don't seem interested. Nothing I do seems to help so I'm just about to give up. Everything else in our marriage is going well. It's just this one thing that is driving me crazy. It's been a month. Please Please Please. Please. Seriously. Dude. Have sex with your wife.

Confession # 2632

I love you and our daughter more than anyone in the world. The two of you are the only family I have. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, no matter what it took. But I'm not your first love - alcohol is. You are a functioning alcoholic, so that gives you an excuse to deny that you really need to quit. You refuse rehab or any other form of help, and I can't make you change. Your brother was an AA counselor before he died, and even he knew that he couldn't help you because you didn't want to quit. I know he was your best friend and that his death only further fueled your desire to drink. I know a lot of people have mistreated you in your life, and that you had to grow up very quickly. I know a lot of things haven't worked out like you wanted them to, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could change things for you, but I can't. But my main objective now is for our daughter to have a good life. You're a great father when you're not drinking or recovering from a hangover. You're never physically abusive. But she sees you drunk two or three times a week, and you are often very short-tempered with her. And you are very critical of me and demeaning when you are drunk. She's only two, but she knows what's going on. She knows that all you do is drink and then sleep for days, that you never want to go anywhere or do anything. For three years I've made excuses as to why I should stay with you. I swore I was committed to you, no matter what. And I would have been. But I just can't put you before her. I'm scared she's going to think that all men are like you. I don't want her childhood to be this way. And I don't want my life to be this way. I want you to be happy and healthy, and to be with someone you truly love and want to marry. But now I know I'm not that person. I'm not going to wait any longer. I'm not going to jeopardize my daughter's childhood and mental well-being even though I love you deeply. My stomach is sick and my heart is sore and I can't stop shaking. I know I will constantly worry about whether or not you're alright, whether you're eating properly or have taken your medicine or have drank yourself to death. I know that our daughter will cry and ask for you, and that you will desperately miss her. I don't want to go. But it's over. You are my best friend and the love of my life. But it's over.

Confession # 2633
I haven't enjoyed sex this much with anyone, ever. We try so many different things, both of us "bounce" ideas off one another without judgment. That's the way it should be! We went to the park the other day, wandering, found a tree. A hidden tree. Next thing you know I find myself holding myself up, hanging from two tree limbs, legs wrapped around your waist, you are pumping me hard, kissing, sucking my tongue, my GOD could you get any more hotter? I mean if you do I think I would just implode!

Confession # 2634

I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown yesterday!

And you don't even know what you are doing to me....or you don't care.

I will no longer be passive to you. I love you too much to let this all fall apart with out you at least being aware of what you are doing. pushing me away from you more and more everyday with your attitude.

I love you more than life itself!! And it scares me to think about life without you but I cannot let you make me the miserable person that you have become.

I will stand up to you next time, and if it causes end of 13 years together, then maybe it's time!!

Confession # 2635

I asked if you were growing less and less attracted to me last night, in the dark. And you sighed painfully and said, "I love you." So that was my answer.

I'm an ugly cow. I know it. My fat gut hangs over my waistband and my face looks like an ugly, scowly potato. That's not your fault. It's not your fault you don't want to make love to me.

But I do blame you, right or wrong, that I can't feel safe putting my future in your hands, wagering me and the baby's security and comfort on you being able to get a better job that you so blithely insist you'll achieve in a year or two. This one doesn't support us. I mean, it could. Families can live on $1800 a month. But we are only able to have the things we have, like our little house, because of my inheritance.

I know I eat out too much and it wastes money. But that is the only thing I spend on. That is my comfort, improper as it may be. All me and the baby's clothes, almost all her toys, are from Goodwill. I haven't bought a book or something because it just pleased me in years. No, I did buy that half-off body wash. I thought maybe I could start feeling prettier by doing little things. You got mad. "This is why we can't get ahead!" you said. My car is 12 years old and it is my car, yours broke down and you were frightened to fix it.

It's my money, too. From my own account.

I don't have faith that you will achieve and follow through. Because you haven't done any version of that, not really, in the ten years I've known you. Any sentence you start with, "I'm gonna..." I must disregard. Because you won't. Whether it's feed the cat or make a friend or become a nurse or go to law school. You won't do anything you're not forced to do or shamed into doing. I'm so tired of forcing. I feel so dead and sad when the hope that maybe this time you will has to be smashed.

I'm going to have to get a job and take care of us. That wasn't the deal when we got married, but tough. I was wrong about you. You were pretending and I was eating it up. If I want something, I'm responsible for making it happen. I can't keep blaming you.

I love you. I love you because you are kind and seldom add to my hurting. Because you are smart and interesting. I hate myself endlessly more than I even dislike you. You are a good man who is very damaged.

I don't know what to do now. I'm so sad and worried. I don't know how to succeed by myself with a baby under my arm. I'm such a fuck up. I'm on my own.

Please don't ever find this.

Confession # 2636

I want to know how all the "other" people do it. They stay home with their children, are off shopping, eating out, and spending money all the time. Their husbands work at jobs that pay the same or less. Yet here we are, you working overtime so that I can work only 1 day a week and be home with the girls. But since we did that, every penny has to be counted, stretched, and figured out. I spend so much time agonizing over the bills. Trying to figure them out so that everything is payed and we still have a tad left over to live on. And enough for whatever you might buy along the week. Because you feel you "deserve it" because you work so much. And you do deserve it. But we don't have it. We make about 80K a year, have minimal bills, much less than our friends, yet it seems like we are on the verge of going under and everyone else is fine. I would love to see their checkbooks. I would love it if they were in debt up to their eyeballs. Thats so mean of me, but its true. I hope all those perfect moms with perfect outfits going to gymboree to buy their perfect kid clothes are drowning in debt.

Confession # 2637

When we ended it, I was so relieved I thought I would cry with happiness. I waited until you left to let it out. I do not regret for one minute that this shitty marriage is ending. I am scared for our son though. You are a mean sonofabitch to him and I fear we will have words in the future over how you treat him. He is too sweet and too precious for you to break him with your fucked up ways.

Confession # 2638

I said no too. I screamed and cried no. I cried and I cried and I cried and I fought, and he just kept on. But it doesn't matter, because I stayed with him for years afterwards. So it must have not been that bad right? I think a part of my soul died in that moment and the rest of it died when I stayed, but I stayed, so it doesn't matter. I left now, but I can't ever get back that part of me that died. It doesn't fucking matter that I stayed! It doesn't make it hurt any less that he was my boyfriend and the father of my children. none of that changes the years of panic attacks, anxiety, and mental hell I've been through because of what he did to me. but I did stay, so no one cares. It's not a real rape if he's your boyfriend and your childrens father. It's not a real rape if you stay, for years. If I was going to feel this pain, I'd rather a stranger had done it. At least then I would have the love and support of my family and friends. I want to have what he took from me back, and I never will. I shit you not, he raped me after I told him I didn't want to have sex because I had been having nightmares and struggling about being molested as a child. I wanted a hug...I wanted a "it'll be okay"...I wanted someone to make me feel human again and not the disgusting piece of shit I felt like....and instead I was raped. And in that moment, I learned that I wasn't even strong enough to protect myself as an adult. when I was a kid, i had no an adult, I let it happen. I didn't stop it. I didn't fight hard enough. I didn't yell for help. I didn't do anything but lay there and die. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for that, and I hate myself for staying. I left, but god that shit hurts, all these years later.

Confession # 2639

OMG I hate you!!!!! Why won't you stop moving and look me in the eye? Are you still cheating? Do you hate yourself, or me, that much, that you find fault in everyone and everything else? I am ready to call it quits. I can honestly say, going home alone without the kids for a few days is stressing me out!! Stop moving and look at me......

Confession # 2640

I say I love you, and I do...what I don't tell you is I am no longer in love with you. I have never cheated on you but I can't say the thought hasn't been there. Our sex life is a joke. No matter how much I try to tell you what feels good and what doesn't, you don't pay attention and do the exact same things every time. I get more pleasure when it is just me and my toys. The only reason I haven't left you is there's no way I can financially. As soon as I am able to finish school and get a good job, I am gone unless there have been major changes. No more putting up with your passive-aggressive shit and thinking the only thing you have to do to show you love me is tell me 10 billion times a day. Haven't you heard actions speak louder than words?? Get off your ass, get a job and take some of the pressure off me. Quit taking me for granted. The fact you do laundry is wonderful...however that fact alone is not a marriage saver.