Monday, November 27, 2006

True Wife Confession 126, the last Magic Number in Physics

Confession #1251

im so glad that i got to talk to you tonight. its always a pleasant treat when i get to see you unexpectedly. we cooked dinner tonight and i told you about the new orleans trip. i found out tonight exactly what trust means. i told you about the girls at the bar tonight. i told you that i liked the attention, which is true. i know im not always the best at sharing my feelings. but tonight i really feel like it didnt matter what i said, you just knew what i was saying, and somehow found another branch of me to accept and love. i was afraid to share what happened to you. i know this probably sounds ridiculous, but you have to remember... im just getting used to being with my soulmate. i was transparent with you and you understood. i think what you shared with me was much more than that though. you shared with me the fear of being transparent. i was honest and you embraced my emotions as your own. i could only hope you know that i would do exactly that for you. you must know that i would never cheat on you. when i said you filled my "love tank", i meant you quenched my every imaginable thirst. more than that, you satisfied me and continued on to enrich me and build me up. the love i have for you is simply amazing to me day after day. is there temptation? its all around me...but you consume me and im left with no hunger for these things whatsoever. im also not upset that the power went off at the dorm. slipping into bed with the warm center of my every thought and heartbeat is the stuff that dreams are made of. my dreams come true when i am sleeping next to you. i am thankful for you for every day, and every day you make me more thankful.

Confession #1252

The Pastor at church wants to meet with me, but I don’t think I will. I truly love you, I really do. However, I can’t see myself going back with you. It really breaks my heart to say that. You have no idea. I go home and cry at night –when I don’t break down during the day. I just can’t take it anymore. I deserved to be treated nicely or at least with a tiny bit of respect. I take excellent care of the kids, I take pretty good care of my house, I take pretty good care of whatever animals we have. I’ve never done any of the horrible things I was accused of doing – truly. I have NEVER cheated on you – either while we were married or before. It has been years since I went out with anyone else. I don’t play mind games. I am pretty basic, I think. I need more than you are able to share with me at this point in your life. Looking back, we shouldn’t have gotten married just because we were expecting our son. It was a poor way to start a marriage – especially since you didn’t trust me from the get-go. You chose to believe those horrible people you used to work with - the ones that were nice to my face and trashed me to you behind my back. I am thrilled we have such wonderful children. They are pretty neat people. Our son is my special prince. Our daughter is my she-devil.

I’ll always remember the first time we made love as husband and wife. I complemented you and you said that you performed well because you wanted to make sure I didn’t cheat. I should have taken action then and not waited….my heart wouldn’t be as battered and bruised as it is.

Confession #1253

Although I sometimes complain about it, I don't really mind so much when you don't come to bed right away. It gives me a chance to get some sleep before you come in and hog the covers and snore and fart on me and stuff.

I do like having you around. A lot. But I like my sleep too.

Confession #1254

Stop reading all those websites that collaborate
stories on how awful corporations are being to the
little man. It's just a bunch of angry dorks who
don't try and be smart and you get upset when I point
out that their own stupidity worked against them and
that corporations very rarely care that much to spend
time and energy on one little customer.

It only makes you angry about the world and us annoyed
with eachother for no reason.

And stop bitching so much about the government- you
didn't vote.

And please turn into an adult. Maintaining your
childhood pleasures is fine- on an occasional basis.
Watching cartoons on a daily basis doesn't give me an
impression that you want to grow up.

Confession #1255

I know about the pill you stashed in your wallet ... even after promising me you wouldn't ... and I removed it. I know about the money hidden there too. And I know why you hide money. The hell of it is, it doesn't freak me out anymore, I don't spend hours crying over it after you've left, I don't call my best girlfriend to cry on her shoulder either. I guess you've done it so many times that it no longer shocks me. I've come to expect nothing more from you.

There are no words for the depth of the pain your betrayals have caused me. But I also recognise that life is full of compromises, and sometimes we all have to settle for less than we want in order to have what we need.

You see, your secret life isn't a secret anymore, but I have my own secrets, and I'm so much better at hiding them than you. You can continue to try hiding your betrayals, and I will continue uncovering them. It's the sad, sick game we've become locked in, you and I. It's a game with no winners. I suppose we'll both just keep losing until there's nothing left.

Just remember ... you made the rules of this game.

Confession #1256

Thank God it is duck season again. I love you but it's nice to see you making plans to get out of my hair. I know some wives bitch and moan about it but hey it's only 2 months and you are home by noon anyways. See how good you've got it.

Confession #1257

You were right. I was having an affair. For more than two years and you didn't notice because we're all so busy, mostly you. You are so very busy. You didn't notice until I made a small blunder that made you suspect. Not know, only suspect.

About then you said something like "I only hope you like me more than him," in a small voice that I hadn't heard before--at that moment I knew it really was over with the other guy. I denied it, of course. Cowardice on my part, certainly--but also I made the denial because you deserved not to get hurt.

The affair happened because he was a friend (not someone you know, thank god) and I'm bored and you're busy (did I mention that?) and our sex is no great shakes. We've been together 25 years, married 21. There are the kids and the mortgage and the animals. But all of that's not why I'm staying. It's because I'd be a fool to leave someone like you. You still make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I wish I could tell you about the pain of leaving him. I still feel alone and sad. I wish I could tell you about the guilt I felt. But saying anything would be selfish beyond belief, perhaps even more selfish than the act of infidelity. Because you and I are basically okay. As usual. As always. And at least now I get what happened with you all those years ago when you strayed.

Confession #1258

I will lose 40 pounds like you told me too and then I will dump your ass

Confession #1259

Hey husband,

When did you become such a DICK?

Confession #1260

I love you, I really do but I am 22 yrs old. Marriage
has turned out to be so very different to the way I
imagined it would be. I used to be so sure of myself,
confident and beautiful, I felt like the world was
mine and I could do and achieve anything I wanted to.

I have now realised that I dont feel that way anymore,
I havent for a while and I hate the way I am feeling.
I have found that there are so many things I feel I
cant share with you(and dont want to share with you),
>so many things you dont understand about the way I
feel. We dont want the same things in life and I think
that is a huge problem.

I want so much more then the life I am living now and
I dont want to have regrets in my life. I want to be
some of the person I was before marrying you. I love
you, honestly I do, but I want to be ME! I want to
keep my own secret throughts hidden from you and I
want to keep a piece of my heart for me. I dont want
to give you everything and I dont want to feel like I
dont exist.

The funny thing is that I cannot imagine being
satisfied without you. You are so special to me, I
just want you to understand me more. I want you to be
more like me....


Anonymous said...

1258# You go Girl! Why will men never understand that love and acceptance is a better weight loss incentive than criticism and demands. Any man who TELLS you to loose weight is not worth the trouble.

Anonymous said...

1259-I think that every day. Every single day.

Anonymous said...

"I want you to be more like me" is not a wish that bodes well for a relationship.

I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

1258 -- I did just exactly that, and man, oh, man -- did it ever feel *good*.

You can do it. Go for it!

Anonymous said...

1260 - I thought I was reading about myself 8 years ago. I too got married young, I too felt there was more to life, I too felt trapped and like I lost myself. I left him and it was difficult, but I'm a much better person for it today. Be strong.

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way too, after 2 kids, i'm fat and havn lost en kilos yet, my hub say 'you are fat'
if you get fatter, i'll leave you. so, I become loving food more and more and more...fatter that I want!

Anonymous said...

1260- I also got married too young. Which is what i can't help but think that you did as well. You havent even truly found yourself yet and you've already started losing yourself. If there are no kids in the picture, then seriously ask yourself why you're still with him. Don't be afraid of being alone again. It's okay. You will survive and move on and never regret your next, wiser choices.