Baby, I am sooo glad you understand! I never wanted to hurt you. I just needed so badly for someone to love and appreciate me. But I was scared to leave you because of the kids. You were gone so much. I know it's your job and I know we both knew it from the beginning. And if things had been good between us.... but they weren't and I was miserable. So I told you I wanted a divorce and baled out of our relationship. And I met men who treated me like a princess and made me realize I really was worthwhile.
And then you came home. My biggest fear was you'd go off the deep end when I finally came clean. I didn't want to hurt you. But I was tired of hurting. I won't be a martyr.
So I told you everything. We talked and cried and talked some more. And now, you not only embrace this new "lifestyle", you have met and approve of my "friends". You know they're the reason you didn't come home early for my funeral. We can be parents together to our boys. We're becoming friends again, slowly but surely. I didn't have to give up the people in my life who love me and care about me. And you're happier too. And you have your own friends now too. We're both happier. And everyone who knows thinks we're nuts. But it works for us. Our friendship, relationship, marriage is better than ever.
I love you. And I love them. And we're one big happy family.
I know you want to get married, and you know I can't commit to it.
What I can't tell you is that primary reason I won't marry you is that I can't fucking stand your parents. You know as well as I do that when they retire in the not so distant future, they will have to move in with you because they never planned for retirement and piss their money away on electronic gadgets, vacations and expensive cars. Your father is a nasty drunk and your mother is a doormat.
They're your problem. I would rather be without you in my life than having them become my problem.
I have something utterly sinful and delightful to confess. After years of not wanting sex at all in marriage, I am finally, finally free to indulge the person I used to be. I met a really wonderful friend-of-a-friend in a bar a week ago. He was leaving town soon. So. I got his number. After a fun group "send off" we decided we should have some fun. He kissed me, in the bar, in front of everyone! We took FOREVER to get home because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We got home and clothes just flew in every direction. I don't think I've ever seen a man built like that before. We had the most wild, amazing sex ... I loved it. I have been grinning about it ever since. I know that those butterflies don't necessarily last. But I can't settle for a life without any passion. I can't, and I'm sorry. I won't go back now that I can see the light on the other side. Know what that light is? It's me. I knew that girl looked familiar.
A funny thing occurred to me the other day. I am over you. I found the off button and pressed it. I knew I would, I just didn't know when it would happen. Unfortunately, I also don't know how long the lust will remain quiet - maybe a month or two, or perhaps six months?? I really have no idea. Something usually happens, to kick it back into gear. Often all it takes is a little extra attention from you, maybe you'll rub my arm, hug me tight or simply give me an innocent kiss "hello", and the next thing I know the lust reappears in full force. You say you don't like it when I have these feelings for you, but I know that's bullshit. Your ego swells knowing that I am attracted to you. You just never want to have to deal with the fallout should my husband, who's also your good friend, ever find out.
At least twice a week I am not where you think I am. But who would ever suspect your wife of sneaking off to meet another man?
At my friends wedding when I was a brides maid, the guy who walked me down the isle WAS SO DAMN FINE. he was the first guy I have looked at since we've been married and thought about the things I would do to him. I would NEVER ever cheat on you - but it felt good to have a man look at me and see that he'd do me if he had the chance, even though I know you look at me like that all the time too. Its kinda like maybe my husband isn't just talking shyt when he tells me he finds me attractive. And maybe he didn't settle any more than I did. Maybe I just need a little self esteem boost. By the way I love how proud you looked to have me on your arm, I wonder if you noticed him looking at me too....
You are a Christian man who wants to teach our kids Christian values, but
you lie to me and tell me you don't look at porn on your computer. I have
seen your history and I KNOW what you're looking at. WHY did you tell me
just the other day that you NEVER do that because it's SO wrong? I just
looked and you are always looking at porn online!! What a liar. How can
you teach our kids values when you have NONE?
It would be nice to hear the truth come from your mouth every once in a
while. I know you're lying about SO many things but I never tell you
because it's almost comical to listen to you lie when I know it's a lie.
November the 8th is our anniversary. The anniversary of the day that you promised "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse". We promised in front of our families and our friends. Our father's stood together with their eyes bright and shinning and married us. That is the date that I will never forget. The date that our lives were joined at our beautiful wedding. Now we are divorced and you live with her and her kids. I wonder if you will remember November the 8th like I will and cry? Will you even remember it all? If I could make it not hurt like this after all of this time I would give up all of those memories.
A year ago you asked me to marry you. We were not ready; you know that we weren't ready. Another year has passed, and now, you know that I am ready (more than ever) to get married. Instead you tell me that you "want to marry" me but that you aren't ready today. You continually make references to getting married, which, gets me revved up and thinking you are going to ask me, but then months pass and I wonder: what the hell was that conversation about? Last night when you said something about me being your wife? And I turned away and didn't respond? That's your last chance, buddy. I'm not following you anywhere without a ring when you switch bases, and that's that.
I'm close to ending this relationship because I am doing everything that a wife does without the benefits. And also without having the intimate marital relationship that I want so badly with you. I don't care about a ring, I could care less about an actual wedding (though I would like one) but if you don't make a move soon without dangling those words in my face? I'm going to leave you.
You left me for another woman when I found out I was pregnant. You abandoned me to raise a newborn by myself so that you could start a life with that red headed skank who pretended to be a friend. I had to go to work every day, fat and pregnant and look at her smug face. 2 years later, you come back. We have the best sex I’ve ever had. So good it makes my body shake for a good 30 minutes afterwards. I need you to do one thing for me.
Ask the skank how it feels AFTER you ask her how I taste.