From one Mom to another:
Its so sad that if I want to take my son outside, I take him to the park. I can't even go in our back yard to push my son on the swing set anymore. Because when I do, two minutes later, you and your daughter come out. You then say, "She wants to play with your son." Then you walk back into your house before I can even answer a "yes" or "no". I end up feeding her and taking care of her for hours. I'm not here to raise and feed your child. And if you didn't want her in the first place, as you've stated time and time again, you should have USED SOME DAMN BIRTH CONTROL!
You don't even realize how sweet and smart your little girl is. All you see is a responsibility that you didn't want in the first place. She's a tough little girl to survive the almost daily beatings by your 10-year-old autistic child. Every time I see her, she's got bruises, bite marks and some sort of injury. When I ask you about it, you say it is her fault because she got to close to your autistic son. What? Is he a rabid DOG? You LET him bite/scratch/hit her when she gets within a foot of him. You defend him! You say he's smart. Then you need to discipline him for this behavior.
This is the ONLY reason we let her come over to our house. It boils my blood to know I'm doing you a favor. And one you don't even appreciate. But I worry more about your little girl. She needs to be exposed to adults that give her positive attention and praise. She deserves to spend time in an environment where she doesn't have to worry about her brother, or parents hitting her.
Oh and you have a sweet dog too. But you just see her as a pain in the ass too. Your dog repeatedly gets loose. And then we find her on our front porch. This happens almost every night. God only knows what you guys do to the dog...
You're so busy bitching about all of your problems and trying to extract pity from people, you don't even realize the blessings in your life.
I am so absolutely crazy about you. We have a connection that some people
can only dream of and I cherish our relationship more than anything. You
waited so patiently to be with me and now that we are together, nothing can
come between us. I just hope that we never lose this feeling. I can't
imagine us getting caught up in that 'same boring routine'.
Believe it or not, I love how much of an agitator you are. We are constantly
trying to find ways to bug each other [watch for ice cubes while you're in
the shower. Payback is a b*tch!], but it makes our lives fun and
I know that I tend to get paranoid and insecure sometimes, but I know that
you will never leave me. So don't doubt me when I say that I believe you and
There are so many things that I love about you. When you greet me at the
door when I get home from work because you get home first, when I say that I
have to do some cleaning and you correct me by saying that "WE have to do
some cleaning," when you wear your cologne to bed just because I LOVE the
smell [Coastline, ladies!]...I could continue forever!
Im yours for as long as you want me and I cant wait to be your wife. I love
I do not know why, but sometimes i obsess about my step-daughters mother. I have not seen or talked to her in months. I should be thrilled with the distance. I just don't trust her. I do not trust what my husband gets himself sucked into. With the holidays approaching I know we will be in for some drama. Because of her I carry a prejudice against women who have babies to have "someone", or to try to trap a husband. Some of my best friends fall into that category.
It took us so long to get here. I didn't want to rush
you, because I knew you were still hung up on her.
Now that we're finally here, wouldn't it be nice if we
could have sex more often when we're not so drunk.
Remember how nice it was yesterday morning. For the
first time, I think you actually saw ME and it was beautiful
You stated you wanted to figure out a way for us to be located closer to one another. I laughed it off because I didn't think you meant it, I thought it was part of your regular lip service. You acted hurt and offended and played the victim for a week. Then, I sent you a job posting a week and a half ago that would do just that. Yet, you haven't applied.
Please don't let me be right again. If you don't want to be closer or aren't interested in the job, just tell me. Don't pretend. I can't take another disappointment from you. In fact, I've determined this will be the last one.
I love you. You are a fantastic husband, and wonderful father. Every day I wonder how I got so lucky as to marry you and raise kids with you. I look forward to our years together.
That said, there are times that I think about you dying. I don't want you to die. But I know that the first thing I would do, after grieving and trying to get my life back in order, would be to hire people to do all the fix-it jobs around the house that go undone. I know it's not because you're lazy. You are the last thing from lazy. But you refuse to hire anybody to do things like fix the roof, fix a ceiling, resurface a bathtub, anything like that. I think the only times we've called repairmen in the last year was to have the water heater replaced and the fridge fixed.
I appreciate that you are so handy around the house. I do. I think it's awesome that you can rewire things and fix things and the way you fixed the garbage disposal? Awesome.
But please, can't we hire a few people to do things so you don't have to worry about not getting around to them? Between the kids, who you love to spend time with, and your job, which is busy, I understand that you have a hard time carving out time to get to these jobs. Can we just hire somebody to fix the damn hole in the ceiling in our bedroom? We aren't poor. We could afford it. I get tired of hearing, "I can do that myself and save money" when the thing in question remains undone and you stress about it.
I would miss you terribly if you died. On the other hand, I would be calling repairmen so fast after a few months that it wouldn't be funny.
Do you know how you like to make your coffee in the morning, and just leave a big coffee and water mess on the counter, right in the same spot where I also need to make my tea? And you know how you will no longer use *my* dish towel for any reason, because it sometimes gets used to wipe the counter and you just can't fathom touching such a filthy towel? And how you've decided to have your own dish towel on a separate rack under the sink, so that it's there for the bazillion times that you wash your hands everyday? Well, thank you, sweetheart, because you've helped me find the perfect solution to your daily coffee/water mess.
Today, I used your precious, special dish towel to clean up the ridiculous coffee and water mess that you leave for me on the counter every day. Then when I was done, I wiped the dog's wet paws with the precious dish towel before I hung it back on your rack under the sink.
And it felt so darn good that I've decided I'm going to do that every day.
When I tell you that you didn't tell me that you had a business trip scheduled, DO NOT INSIST that you did tell me. I write this shit DOWN. I have to move all sorts of things around, believe me, I take notice of when you will be gone. Besides, you are the one with shit for memory, not me.
I am angry at you for leaving me, you would think that 13 years later I would be over it, but still the very thought of losing you makes the wound feel as fresh as the day they told me you were gone. You were my first best friend, my first real love and I wasn't even mature enough to realize it. I thought that when you moved that was loss, but later when you took your own life - you would show me what real loss was. I have screamed at thunderstorms, cried in the wind, and to no avail. Nothing brings closure, nothing heals this hurt.
To have someone like you in my life, to believe that I am loved unconditionally ,and then to have that taken away - it makes me think I will never be able to trust or love anyone again. I'm afraid that no one will ever love me, the way you did. I am afraid that for the rest of my life they very thought of you will always reduce me to hurt and tears. I'm afraid I will never be able to let you go, even though you left me and didn't even call to say good-bye.
For the past two months, I have been talking to my ex and even went out to dinner with him twice. We've also recently been enjoying some really steamy phone calls and text messages together.
We plan on meeting up again in the very near future to act out some of those conversations.
I do love you. You're a good man and a wonderful life partner, but no matter how many times we've talked about it, you still do not seem interested in sex with me, or sex at all, for that matter. It's like you're embarrassed or ashamed of it. We only had sex ONCE on our honeymoon, for fuck's sake! That should've been a giveaway right there, but I was either too naive or just deeply in denial to question it.
Your idea of a wild time is getting me from behind. Whoop-de-freaking-doo. You don't like porn, you're not interested if I wear lingerie for you, you don't like talking during sex, don't want to share your fantasies with me (do you even HAVE any?), you have no idea what foreplay is. On the rare occasions I do get lucky, you jump out of bed immediately afterwards like you're on fire, and clean yourself up like it's just one big mess. Most of the time, though, you just seem completely asexual. I know you're not gay, but I don't know what your problem is. I've asked you so many times to try something different, but you're resistant. I have no idea why. I'm considered attractive by most people and I shouldn't have to go through the rest of my life like this. The few people in my life who know about this issue with us can't believe it. They can't believe that you're giving up sex with me to watch the fucking Masters on TV. They all think you're an idiot, and in fact your best guy friend knows about this and has encouraged me several times to "do what I need to do" to get some on the side. Even HE thinks I should cheat on you. How fucked up is that??? I'd never tell him, of course.
Anyway, I know what I'm doing/about to do is wrong, but I suppose I'm just being selfish that way. Just like you're being selfish about upholding the physical end of the deal in our marriage. I mean, you're supposed to be the only person I'm having sex with...yet you're more interested in watching sports and golfing. So what else can I do? I'm out of ideas.
Aside from the lack of physical contact, you and I have a good marriage. I don't want to divorce you. You're kind, smart, stable. Our families like each other. You will be a good father, if we can ever manage to have enough sex to conceive. But I'm unwilling to give up hot, slammed-up-against-a-wall sex for the rest of my life just yet. I'm still young, in good shape, and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.
My ex is the perfect person to take care of me on the side. True, he's still living his life as he was 10 years ago, and I have moved on and grown up. But a part of me still loves him, and I truly believe he is my soulmate. However, we would've never lasted as a couple. He's just too irresponsible and has too much emotional baggage. But he's the perfect "friend-with-benefits" for me right now. I feel safe with him, and he makes me feel beautiful. He encourages me to flaunt my sexuality--loves it, as a matter of fact--and is confident and eager to satisfy me. Which is way more than can be said about you. He tells me that I should be getting it every night from you, but if you're not up for the task, he's more than happy to do it for you.
So I'm sorry in advance, honey, if I decide to pull the trigger and act on this. And I hope you NEVER find out.