Saturday, November 18, 2006

True Wife Confession 120 Alcohol Soft

Confession #1191

The other day, when I told you I was too sick to get out of bed? Well, I was sick, but I really just wanted to stay in bed. How does it feel to run your ass off all day?

Confession #1192

I love you more than anything. And I am happy that you have a new job that you love. I know that things will calm down when your restaurant opens and I know that these long hours are only temporary. I know that everything will be worth it.

But I am so fucking lonely. I feel like I have a part time husband. I miss you. It doesn't help that when you are home you are talking about work, drinking, or so exhausted that you are a zombie.

I am at the point that if an opportunity came up (and I know that it won't), I would probably cheat on you. Just to have the emotional connection to someone again. Just to feel loved and desired, and to have someone look at me in that way. And just so that I could touch someone without him pushing my hand away.

Confession #1193

You do not know that I used to carve bloody trails in my arms with razorblades. When the canyons started to heal, I'd scratch them open again. I'd never heard of self-injury; I thought I'd invented it. When I realized it wasn't an option for me any more, I wept in public. You don't know this.

You don't know the joy I felt with another woman's pubic hair scratching my chin.

You don't know that one of my most consuming orgasms came from anal sex with someone who repelled me. Another came when I was chained up and every time I moved in response to her lips, the chains clinked. The sound tipped me over the cliff.

You have no curiosity about these things. How can you have no curiosity? How can you possibly not want to know, even when I try to tell you?

You do not know that when I was 18 I carved canyons into my arms and scratched them open week after week to keep them from healing.

You do not know that two of my most intense orgasms came when I was chained up with a woman tasting me, and during anal sex with a man I loathe.

You do not know how close I've been to suicide how many times, and you do not know how antidepressants have given me my life back.

I've tried to tell you these things and you aren't interested enough to listen. How can you not want to know? If you said anything to me like I've said to you, I would put down whatever I was doing and come sit knee to knee with you and hold your hands until you were finished telling me. But when I've tried to tell you, you just stare past me. How is it possible?

Confession #1194

You suck! You brag about all the jewelry, clothes and big ticket items you bought your ex wife for her birthday, Christmas, valentines day, etc. What did I get? After 9 months together, first you couldn't remember my birthday, although it conveniently fell on a holiday this year. I got a last minute gift of a whatever was on sale at Hallmark. At least I did get a card. That made it seem less crappy I guess. I don't expect big expensive gifts, but when you bring it in and say its nothing fancy, I just stopped and got it on my way here, it makes me feel like crap. I would rather have had dinner and a movie than a last minute thoughtless gift that you made me feel like you had to put yourself out on.

I don't need or want fancy stuff, but for god's sake don't call me the night before my birthday and ask if tomorrow is my birthday and then proceed to tell me that you didn't get me anything. It makes me feel like crap that you can't even take 5 minutes out to find something special for me. I just wanted you to remember and make it a little special. I haven't had anyone make my birthday special in YEARS! I guess I expect too much from you.

Confession #1195

When you told me that I was fatter than most women that you have dated and that I was much more bigger than the woman you married, well what can I say....
You ripped my heart out and stepped all over ever insecurity that I have.
May I bring it to your attention that you are shorter than most men that I have dated and are about a foot shorter than the man I married. For the love of God, I could eat soup off the top of your head with out to much effort.
If there is someplace else you need to be, I would suggest you get there because I have had enough!!!!!!
Go be with the woman who smarter, who understands your passion about the water, and who is skinnier than I could ever be.
I'm done.....it's time to be ME!!!!!!!

Confession #1196

Here we go again. Another holiday season with all of your fucked up ex's to deal with. Why is it so hard to schedule things with the kids. Nothing has changed. Why do we have to battle over a simple family meal every year!!! Grab your balls and tell these women that you want to enjoy some time with your kids. While your at it tell the second ex(not wife - just girlfriend for 1 year) to get her own damn family to make miserable- stop using yours.

Or if you feel like the discussion is not worth it- then shut the hell up. Your not going to be assertive with them for the benefit of the kids over a few measly hours then tell me so I can quite caring.

I hate it when you are spineless.


Confession #1197

Why won't you propose already? I know you love me, but it hurts that it's been six years and you keep putting it off. You have told everyone we know that you want to marry me and you've told me many times, but actions speak louder than words. I can't wait forever and I told you that fourteen months ago-how much longer should I wait?
Every holiday/birthday that goes by I get excited and then let down. I told you I never wanted to be one of those women that had to beg or give an ultimatum for marriage, but I have inevitably become one.
I hate that I have to ask my grandfather if we can sleep in the same bed when we visit, it makes me feel like such a child. I hate that my sister and her husband have been married for 4 years and they've only been together 5 months longer than us.
I gave you my grandmother's ring almost 3 months ago and after our anniversary weekend last week when you didn't propose I came home and looked at the ring hoping that you had it in your bag and just got nervous, well it was exactly where I put it 3 months ago-with dust all over it.
It's really starting to affect my self-esteem, I catch myself saying things like 'why would he marry me-I'm boring or I've let myself go a little' I know this is unhealthy and I really don't need this added insecurity. You have no idea how close I am to leaving, I can't imagine my life without you, but every day that goes by I resent you a little more and respect myself a little less.

Confession #1198

I love you, but if you don't stop pissing and moaning about the dog I'm going to strangle you. Leaving him outside in the cold rain for 2 hours until I got home from work is not cool. Especially when he spent those 2 hours rolling around in MUD! Yes, giving the dog a bath at 10 o'clock at night is just what I've been missing from the past two days of hell I've had. I should have made you give him the bath, but I was so mad that had you come near me when I was getting the tub ready, I would have drowned you.

Seriously.

Confession #1199

Darling, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will always love you unconditionally.

But for chrissake, is it that hard to RINSE your dishes then PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER when you say you will? If I see one more greasy dish sitting out on the counter - just ABOVE the dishwasher - I'm going to upend it on your face while you're sleeping.

Confession #1200

You want to marry me in January? We JUST started dating! I've barely gotten to know you and you act like we've been together, forever! You're wonderful and so supportive of my child but you're so obsessed with me it becomes a turn off. And then there's the porn that you can't live without. Your, "deal breaker". You want to be able to look at pictures and watch movies of 1,000's of women having SEX, totally naked yet you want to make sure that I don't look at ANY men when we're out. I'm not even remotely a flirt but it's a bit of a double standard...don't you think? You also want me to have a flat tummy. I'm in pretty good shape for a 40 yr old woman. I don't smoke or drink. Good with money and a devout Christian girl....yet you want that flat stomach. I had a BABY! I have arthritis in my BACK! You want a woman with a flat stomach because all you've done FOREVER is looked at airbrushed women in magazines! They aren't REAL! Most of them DON'T enjoy what they do! Wake up and smell the coffee.

Join reality. Unless you change, we have no future....go get a blow up doll.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

#1200

Please be careful. This man is showing classic signs of possible future abuse - maybe not physical but perhaps mental/emotional. Already being obsessed, jealous of you when you're out, objectifying women thru porn....

Just be careful, please. And, listen to your gut. You get those hesitant feelings for a reason. If something feels odd, it is odd. To you. Be careful.....

Anonymous said...

#1200-
I TOTALLY agree with 10:16 - this man sounds like my ex, wanting to get married way too soon, obsessive, jealous, clingy. He started abusing right away and I ingored my gut feelings. RUN, don't walk, away from this jerk.

Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

#1197: really, truly, a man who makes you feel that small and pathetic now won't suddenly figure out how to make you feel loved after the ring is on your finger. After marriage, there will be something else he'll neglect that stabs you to the heart.

Marriage is important to you; it's not to him. He's telling you his priorities. "When a man tells you who he is, believe him."

Anonymous said...

Why can't most men understand that models get paid to look good, therefore they spend their free time working out and dieting? It's their job! Most models are young women. Most don't have kids. Most have all day free to work out hours a day. Then head to the salon. Then get their nails done. Then get their legs waxed. Etc etc and all the things that need to be done to look like that.

For most women, it's very rare to just wake up and look that gorgeous with little to no effort. Flat tummy at age 40? Yeah, if you are Demi and have millions and a personal trainer and lots of free time.

And a man like Ashton who also looks good enough to work out for.

How many of you have husbands with flabby bellies who insist on you having a tight and toned body?

We'd all look that good if we spent all day, every day, working on our looks.

If these men want women with perfect bodies, maybe they need to get out there and make more money so we'd be free to not work and not take care of the kids and just hang out at the gym and the salon all day long.

Does that sound unreasonable to anyone?

trust me I know said...

1200, dump his ass. There were at least 5 giant red flags for abuse in your post. Get out NOW.

Anonymous said...

#1193 - don't know what to say, except that I hope you *do* have someone who listens to you, and will help you sort out whatever you want to process. It sounds like painful stuff, and you have my empathy and positive good wishes. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

#1197, everyone has to make her own choices... but here's a short tale from personal experience: I never felt so strong in my entire life as when I walked away from a wishy-washy man. After letting him know for months how I felt about his lack of commitment, I shared a conversation with him wherein I let him know that I was done, no hard feelings, and I wished him well, but that it was time to move on. He took it with *total* equanimity and carelessness, until two weeks later, when I went on a date, had a really good time, he heard about it, and tried to track me down all over town. He ended up crying at my kitchen table, and you know, I didn't feel a thing! It felt great to be so detached. I met other people whose company I enjoyed, and who didn't take me for granted. Dating was fun and stress free. And I met someone else right away, who was BETTER.

Just a thought -- try walking away completely, if you're not too entangled financially(no calls, no plans with him, and no sex! It really takes completely absenting yourself for some people to wake up). He'll either A)realize what he missed out on, and get scared by it, or B)he'll just float along as he's been doing, or worse, C)fall into bed with someone else. And if he's going for the last two options, what was he worth to you? Would you have settled for that? I know I don't know your situation, but walking away, Jesus, that was so liberating in a way I never would have expected....

Anonymous said...

#1194 - Walk away. He's not ready for the kind of relationship you want. It sounds like he's really not over his ex-wife yet — or at least not over the loss of that relationship.

Anonymous said...

#1200 Listen to your sisters. We speak the truth.

Anonymous said...

Just wondering if she posts all confessions? Does she weeds through them and pick the best ones? I just think that if someone bears their soul they should at least have it published. Maybe not?

Anonymous said...

FYI - It says in the FAQ that Dawn does publish all confessions, but sometimes she gets so backlogged it can take a while to see your confession.

I'm still waiting to see mine come up, but I know it'll be posted soon.

Anonymous said...

To #1197 -- marriage is not the be-all and end-all of life. If you guys have a good relationship and are happy, then if i were you i would not be pushing for marriage. in my sad pathetic experience, after marriage it all changes, and not for the better. good luck to you.

mex said...

Less is more.

I am NOT saying you are wrong; i AM saying that there is such a thing as

too
much
information.

Anonymous said...

1200-if this is the stuff he's doing and you JUST started dating...well you should listen to all of us and RUN FAR, FAR AWAY. Who knows what else is going to come out when you *really* get to know him.

I mean, on one hand it's sort of good that he isn't hiding the porn thing, but you can't so much as glance at another man? Are you KIDDING???

He's good to your kid...so you say. Do you want your child growing up learning that this is ok?

Anonymous said...

#1193 - That was not a confession but a cry for help. Please see a doctor all the things that you describe are classic signs of someone that was molested as a child.

The only reason I can say this is because I know and I have gone through the same things. Wanting to hurt yourself, be used sexually, tied up, all signs of someone completely out of control trying to have some control over their own body. When you give someone the power to hurt you, you are controlling the situation because you gave them the power they didn't take it.

You need to speak to a professional your significant other can not help you or possibly understand. Talk to a therapist you are not alone, you are not even that unique.

There are many of us out their who have been hurt belief, don't allow it to control you any longer.

The only one who can help you is yourself!

Best wishes

Anonymous said...

#1200

This man is NOT going to change. Bank on it, and say good-bye while you still can.

Anonymous said...

#1200 - RUN!
Far and fast.

#1197 - It's time to move on. I know it must hurt terribly, but you have to take of yourself and you aren't.

Anonymous said...

#1193:

Have you considered that maybe he doesn't want to know about your wild sexcapades or your self abuse BECAUSE he cares so much? I don't know him, I don't know you, but I know that I love my husband deeply and never, ever want to hear details about so much as a kiss he shared with some other woman. I don't want those images in my head, I don't want to be jealous, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Because I love him too much to be able to happily picture him with some other woman.

Just something to think about.

Anonymous said...

#1200 - RUN DON'T WALK!

#1998 - Next time be sure to use some of his favorite clothes to dry the dog off

#1197 - What are you desperate? You gave him your own grandmother's ring so he could propose to you? Get a grip. If the slouch can't even buy you a ring life isn't going to get much better than it is right now. Yeah, actions do speak louder. Take a hint. He's just not that into you.

Anonymous said...

1193 - 2 words - Get. Therapy.

Anonymous said...

Confession #1194 - Imagine being married to this loser. Is this the best you can do? Come on now, the guy doesn't even care enough about you to write your birthday down in a calendar let alone commit it to memory. Go find a real man who values what you're worth and while you're at it, find it in yourself too.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

How did that last comment make it in here?!? Dawn, can you get rid of it, please? There's something seriously wrong with that man, and it sounds like he's guilty of statutory rape. Too bad we can't call the cops.