To my dh:
For 13 years I have stood by you, encouraged you, loved you unconditionally. But for the last 8 of those years, I have been so very lonely. You have shut me out physically and emotionally, especially for the last 2 years. I have always been the eye candy on your arm for anything that has been required of you. The last month for me has been really hard. I have done some foolish things, but in the process learned alot about myself and also about you. You trust me. Without a doubt. But you are breaking my heart. And you are completely oblivious to the things I have been doing and probably will continue to do. I am going out more because I can't stand to be at home, its making me crazy. Our kids have suffered so much from your total detachment of our family. You have no idea what you have done to my self-esteem. You have single handedly destroyed me by shutting me out. It hurts so very very much. I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this. I am not the maid or the cook or the chaffeur. I finally quit being those things and you haven't really noticed. You have the ability to do all these things for us, for our kids, but you have not chosen to in years. You have always made it very clear that the kids are my responsibility. Maybe if you had left all those years ago things would be better for us both than they are now. I work more than you do now because I choose to. Maybe its my feeling that I do need to prepare myself financially to leave. I need love, I don't survive on a kiss or a hug once in a while. Sex less than 5 times a year does not cut it. That is why I chose to have a couple of fucks with him. I am not dead, and neither are you. Quit kissing me like I'm your grandma! Take me to bed, give me a good fuck, and maybe I'll start working on things more too.
To my lover:
It's been a 5 month flirtation, and finally came to a head 2 weeks ago. I can't breathe when I'm around you. What amazing sex. But I should have also known better than to think that you are anything but what I think you are. You are a toy. Literally. You love your women, it really doesn't matter who or what or where, you love your women. You insist on telling me you're not "that guy" but you are. Sorry. Wake up honey, us girls all know it. When you picked up that chick in right in front of me who is the dregs of the earth, I was only giving you a reality check. You are "that guy". The truth hurts. Avoid me like you have the last two days. Fine. Whatever. It's the way you play your little game. But I know you'll be back. You always come back. And you will break my heart.
To my friend:
I am so happy to have you in my life right now. You were the one that gave my head a shake last night, and you were *my* reality check. I cherish the extra time we've had together the last couple days, I will hold it close to my heart and will never let it go. I will be sad if you leave this week, but I know we'll find a way to see each other. You give me what I have been craving - the attention and care that I deserve. You listen to what I have to say, you just want to spend time with me. And its all good hon, its all good. You're not telling me to leave him, you're not telling me to stay. You're telling me to listen to my heart and do what is right for me. I'm trying very hard to find what is right for me, but chances are I'll do nothing, you understand exactly what security and stability are about. All I know is that I can entrust you with my heart and soul and know that you'll be there for me either way because that is just who you are. I will do the same for you, I promise. You are helping me by just being there, by caring. And who knows, maybe we will end up being that crazy couple, happy as clams, wrinkled and lying naked on the beach when we're 80 years old. Giggling. Because we can.
I drink more than you know about and more often than you think
I like it when you aren't home sometimes
I love you honey, but I love my sleep more. For God's sake, stop waking me up in the middle of the night just because you woke up with a hard on! Especially, when we had made love right before bed!! It pisses me off when you need to touch me just to get off. Have the courtesy to go in the bathroom or something and leave me the hell alone when I am sleeping!
You know we are in serious debt, but you keep spending money on crap like video games & electronics. Please don't tell me it's for the kids, cause you don't let them touch it.
I really don't have super bad menstrual cramps, but I love that you "take care of me" when I say I do
To my soon-to-be Husband
I love the fact you know me better than I know myself, can understand the
craziness that is my mental state, and can calm me better than any stupid
drug. I love the fact you don’t make me worse, only better. And I love the
fact that the only two things in life you want are me as your wife and our
But I’m terrified sooner or later you’ll get fed up of how sick I am, or
that your own illness will get worse. It kills me when you’re asleep and
every move is so painful, but you can’t hide it from me, and it tears me up
inside. How many nights have I sat next to you as you slept, stroking your
face every time you made the slightest noise? I hate how much pain your are
in, I hate that its incurable and I hate that there’s nothing I can do, even
though you tell me that I do. I hate that your life got so screwed over by
one bout of food poisoning, and I hate the fact your Doctor is the biggest
idiot on the planet – the painkillers are NOT working and dosing you up on
that many different drugs is going to do more harm than good. If I EVER get
my hands on him I am going to jail for murder – the man is a quack.
And let me tell you something – I know you don’t believe me when I tell you
this but YOU ARE SEXY. I love how long your hair is, how strong your arms
are, how good you feel when we make love. I don’t care that your illness has
made every part of you shrink – if you were still six foot I’d have busted
my neck by now – because you spend so long on foreplay and making ME feel
good that I’m usually so out of my mind with pleasure I don’t notice your
lack of stature in that department. It aint the size of the wand you wave as
long as you can make magic with it. And yes, I really, REALLY enjoy giving
you head. Those noises you make are incredible!
I’m also worried that the reason I haven’t gotten pregnant yet isn’t that
you’re infertile… because I think I might be. You joke about all your health
problems not helping, and I know the bi-weekly “self dilation” (who’s
dumbass idea was it to call it that anyway?) must mess things up a bit, but
it would kill me its my fault.
I love you, but I don’t think I deserve you, and I wish I could make you
PS: Ignore my dad, he’s just annoyed he can’t piss me off any more. My mum
loves you, that’s the main thing.
Last night when you took a night off from playing poker and watched a movie with the kids and I, both kids, the dog and our 2 cats where all on the couch that I was sitting on and you where on your couch all alone. Hmmmm, I wonder why.