Thursday, November 16, 2006

TWC Roots Revisited

It is no secret that I "owned" these confessions as mine. Rather than continuing to encourage our young guest in his quest to defend his wronged manhood (and as the wife of a black man from Detroit, I know how very stubborn and single focused they can get), I offer the original confessions to the new audience. But, as all of you who read my other blog(s) know, I temper these with the pieces on my love of my husbands cooking ability...or his waking me up with coffee on our 10th wedding anniversay..or his love and attention for our daughter...or the way he made me laugh this morning when he drove by me as I walked back from dropping Emily off and leaned out the window to make a rather salacious comment.


Confession #001

Maybe the scratches on the top of car weren't caused by the car wash. Maybe they were caused by your daughter cheerfully clearing the car off with the steel tipped snow shovel. Maybe.

Confession #002

I know that you do loads of your own laundry when I'm not home. I know that you ignore the stack of the family laundry and wash your own personal load. I know this cause I find them in the dryer, and there is no coincidence large enough to convince me that this is "just what you happened to throw in". Especially as it has happened repeatedly for 15 years. This makes me unreasonably mad. That's why I leave all your clothes for the end, sometimes.

Confession #003

Your electronic organizer? The one you loved in 1998? Yeah. That didn't fall out of your car and get run over by your tire. I washed and dried it in the laundry , then tried to get you to think you'd done it by wedging it under your tire, in the rain.

Confession #004

I always spend more than I've told you I've spent. ALWAYS. No one gets this many shoes for what you think I've spent. That's the beauty of my own checking account.

Confession #005

I know where your belt, glasses or wallet are. I just think it's funny to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for them.

Confession #006

I WANT you to go out with your friends. Please. Get out of the house. Plus you always come home awfully grateful for what you have at home after listening to your friends bitch and moan about their wives.

Confession #007

When I say, "I don't care", sometimes I don't care. Sometime I do. Listen for the tone. It's been 15 years, it shouldn't be this hard to figure out.

Confession #008

When you go out of town, I play video games like a maniac. I also leave the bathroom door open when I pee, cause you aren't there to get all freaked out. And I don't do the dishes until right before you come home. Basically, chaos reigns.

Confession #009

I'm not really sleeping when I bump you at night. You're snoring Loudly and I have got to do something to stop the noise.

Confession #010

Your mother and I talk about you. When you are being a shit, I call her and she convinces me to stay married to you. You don't know how much you owe to your mother. Seriously.

Confession #011

Oh yeah, I hear her calling my name. But it's 2 a.m. and you’re awake anyway.

Confession #012

I was going to leave my hair in the tub drain. You’re right. But I’ll die defending that I wasn’t.

Confession #013

Your chili isn' that good. Really. I’ve just never had the heart to tell you. Your coffee isn't either.

Confession #014

I hate dancehall music. I just don’t get the appeal for you. But I have smiled as you have played it for a long ass time.

Confession #015

I love that you have more colognes than I do. I love that the Macy’s mens cologne woman knows your first name.

Confession #016

Yes, I washed the chicken. I have been rinsing the chicken for 15 years. You do not have to ask me EVERY TIME if I have washed the god damn chicken. If my plan were to give you salmonella, it would have happened a long time ago.

Confession #017

I know how much you detest Chinese Art Cinema. So it makes me love you more when you sit through three-hour movies in subtitles next to me, whilst I weep uncontrollably at the beauty of the story. And yes, I DID know that “Farewell My Concubine” was going to be three hours long. I just knew if I told you that, you wouldn’t come.


Confession #018

I will never tell you what my girlfriends and I really talk about. You’re my husband, but they are my girlfriends. Iron Curtain, Baby. And yes, we talk about you. And they know EVERYTHING.

Confession #019

Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough. Ditto for the shoulder massage. You’d get a hell of a lot more if you took note of this.

Confession #020

I know you didn’t read this card you gave me. You just picked the first one you came to that said “To my wife”. That’s why I quiz you on the sentiment behind the words on the card. To see you squirm.

20 comments:

Elizabeth said...

You tell 'em, Dawn! It boggles my mind that anyone would think these confessions are made up.

Ronald Lewis said...

Dawn,

Just share your thoughts with your husband. It's easy. It's simple. A marriage is open and honest. It's not about keeping secrets and sharing confessions. Most of you make your marriages difficult by not talking. So rather than allow all of these things to mature and fester, you start a confessions blog. Brilliant. That's the way to tell someone you love -- or don't love -- how ya feel.

You -- and all of your readers here -- can save a lot of time and hassle by opening your mouths and sharing your thoughts and feelings.

And for the cheaters: Just leave. Why stay? Get a divorce. Live with your lover. Simple solution. Everyone's happier.

Dawn -- don't encourage foul behavior, because that's what you're doing everytime you post a confession.

Country Mouse said...

Ronald,

Just take it to your own blog. Simple solution. You get your gripes out, we don't have to hear them. Get over yourself. You can save a lot of time and hassle by shutting your mouth and sharing your thoughts and feelings in a more appropriate place.

Anonymous said...

Ron, you're weeping in the wreckage of your divorce. Dawn's been happily married for something like 15 years. Why don't you go watch an episode of ER and then bust into Mount Sinai Hospital and give advice to the brain surgeons?

Anonymous said...

Country Mouse:

You mean the place where he started sharing his thoughts and feelings, until there were remarks posted about him here?

louisa said...

oh good god above Roland get a life. You have made your point on the previous posting
there is absolutely no need to continue stroking your ego by commenting on here and getting reactions ( and yes I know that is exactly what I am currently doing by reacting to your comments but you irritate me imensely ! )

stick to your over complicated blog and writing your remaining thoughts on there Ronald

( Dawn ignore this muppet I actually thought your confessions were sweet particularly the snow sovel and child one !! there was nothing malicious in what you wrote. He is just now trying to find the malicious by the looks of it )
*apologies for the spelling everyone I know it sucks !

Anonymous said...

I find it sad that the person commenting against this site seems to focus only on the bad confessions. There are some positive ones tucked in there too.. I know because I've sent them and seen them published.

This site is about supporting each other through the ups and downs. Yes, sometimes you get some of that support from your spouse but it's always human nature to keep just a little itty bit of that blackness to ourselves because we don't want those closest to us to stop loving us. And then there are times where our husbands are just clueless.

Don't stop the confessions. Mr. Lewis simply doesn't understand.

Anonymous said...

Methinks someone is just trying to get traffic to his own blog by doing this...

Anonymous said...

Ron, from one man to another: go away (from this blog). Don't come back. (you won't receive this message from the women who have posted it, so maybe you'll listen to a man?) You have eyes, but don't see. Ears, but no hearing.

Ron, Ron, Ron, I feel for you. Life is complex. Most everyone would love to go back to living life as you do, with a simple explanation for everything coupled with the inability to see your arrogance (Notice to the input filter/explanation finder/reaction assigner in Ron's brain: STOP! It really is arrogance...honest...~oh that communication were that simple~). If you are lucky, one day (mark my words) that blissful mirage will be (very) painfully pealed away to reveal the world to you as it really is. Your stubborn persistence in applying this self-made bandage of simple explanations to your relationship-damaged psyche only delays maturation and limits your potential, and you have plenty of potential.

Ladies, for Ron's sake allow this male confession: I secretly read TWC. My wife doesn't know. It helps me be a better husband. And I've been very happily married for 11 years (first marriage) with multiple children. I used to have an explanation for everything too. Now, most days I wonder if I know anything at all beyond the love I have for my wife and children.

Ron, I hope you can be blessed with guidance to similar happiness. I imagine that when you have been happily married for a while and have a kid or two you'd make a good friend to talk to...even anonymously, online, with the rest of us who just don't get it. But for now, please, avoid this blog.

crystall said...

Ronald you obviously do not understand women at all.

All this talk talk talk... If I was your wife, I would have probably done the same thing just to SHUT YOU THE FUCK UP.

Anonymous said...

Not all secrets need to be shared. "A marriage is open and honest" says Mr. Lewis, and I would wager that happy ones are...mostly. But what good could possible be accomplished by telling your husband that you actually don't particulary care for the chili he's been making for the past fifteen years? Or that a child rather then the car wash scratched the car? And do they really need to know that you occasionally think about an ex, and wonder where they might be now, or how their life turned out? Cause everyone does it sometiems, its human nature.
Total honesty in theory is wonderful. Telling someone else you're every thought, charitable or otherwise, or continously telling someone every little thing they do that annoys you or you dislike? While exccedingly "honest" things to do...things like that, cause divorces.

Anonymous said...

Well said, 9:04.

Anonymous said...

"All this talk talk talk... If I was your wife, I would have probably done the same thing just to SHUT YOU THE FUCK UP."

yes yes yes GOD YES

Angel said...

Why would we take advice from a man who had one unsuccessful marriage and he is only 27? WHY? Get a grip and quit playing like you are better than everyone else. Seriously, some of these things we just say here to get off our chests instead of having meaningless bickering with our spouse, its an "outlet".

As for the cheaters, it is not my place to judge them.

Anonymous said...

Poor Ronald. He's only 27, needs to learn quite a bit more about life, women, and probably has a very small penis.

Anonymous said...

If you don't like Dawn's blog, you pathetic little pissant, you can post on your very own blog and preach to the choir of losers who relate to you. At least I assume that's what happens there. I wouldn't bother to read it.

I'll bet it's a bunch of those guys who search for internet brides from other countries, because uppity American women who want to be treated like people instead of chattel are "bitches" or are too "demanding".

Oh, for the good old days when you got what you paid for, eh, Ron?

Anonymous said...

Hey, go to Ronald's site and read about the "dark side" of the web from 9-25-06. You won't be surprised. It's not just here everybody knows he's an ass.

Anonymous said...

Some people just don't learn do they?

My confession:

To My Ex

You're a lucky bastard that I don't press charges. Do you know how much it freaks me out that I KNOW you're following me around online? I wish I'd never used your fucking computer.

And by the way - no matter which way you put it, starting to fuck me when I'm asleep and unable to say no? That's rape, you asswipe, and every now and again my new partner gets the shit scared out of him when I wake up screaming "no" and "get off me".

You screwed me up in more ways than one, and my therapist is still trying to tell me to prosecute.

Dayngr said...

OMG! #10 was awesome. Actually all the oldies were awesome!

mex said...

ROFL.. my hub asks EVERY time if I have washed the chicken too.. More like, I'll be starting to cook something w/ chicken and he says (as he has for 31 years) 'Ya know ya gotta wash chicken really well, doncha?"

I just roll my eyes and say..'You always tell me that"

He has a thing about "oil and corn bread too"

'Ya know ya really dont need to double the oil when you double the recipee. I on't like a lotta oil."

He's an excellent cook, reads recipee books like novels.. but there's one dish he hasn't had..yet... "Iced Oil."