Wednesday, November 01, 2006

True Wife Confessions 108 names of Ganesh

Confession #1071

I know that when you say you have a pounding headache, and you're going to bed you are lying. I know you block my name and sit in a chat room for the rest of the night. Why lie? I know you've been lying to me since at least August. You've hurt my feelings more than you'll ever know. Just don't be surprised when I'm not so readily available to talk to you about your problems. I've been there for you through the worst of the worst. When everyone else walked away I stayed your friend. Remember that.

Confession #1072

I know we worked out our kinks with your porn addiction awhile ago. I know
you look, you know I know you look, and since you aren't hiding it anymore,
I'm fine with it. Except, remember when we talked about it and I said I was
only fine with it IF I was sexually satisfied first? If you spent time on
me first, then those girls with fake tits and bad blonde dye jobs second?
Well, we've had sex twice since our son was born earlier this year. Twice.
And we both know that between the baby and the other kids and our jobs time
is limited, but I know without even checking your laptop that you are
getting all of your sexual release from porn. I'd like to make a joke about
it not being so bad as long as I have more batteries, but I need sex damnit.
So get your head out of your ass and fuck your wife already. Shesh.

Confession #1073

Guys, guys...

your wives are all friends of mine. They've been my friends and mentors for
fifteen years, and I know all of you, too; however, there seems to be a
problem. Is it that you don't trust them? Or is it that you don't want to
be alone in your house for an evening? Do you think that I, a single woman,
am going to drag them out to a bar? I can't fathom it! When I invite them
to a "girl's night" dinner party at my house, it's so they can get away from
the kids, and we can BS about work and family, movies and books, and
whatever else we want to talk about -- and they don't have to cook, and they
don't have to answer to anyone, and they don't have to clean up afterwards.
Please, think about what you are doing when ALL three cellphones go off
between ten and ten-thirty because you guys are "wondering where" your wives
are, or just "checking in." I find myself a little embarrassed for my
friends, and worse, I feel bad for them. You KNOW where they are because
they TOLD you. That cell phone symphony is ridiculous!!

If we want to sit around and drink good wine and eat and laugh 'til three in
the morning, how can you begrudge your wives that? Aren't the kids already
in bed by ten?? Consider letting your wives be.... One night a year to
spend with friends is not too much to ask!

Confession #1074

From one wife to another:

You just told me your 4-year-old has six cavities. You oldest son is in rehab. Your middle child is the only one that gets any sort of attention from you. And that's only because he has special needs and you assume people view you as a martyr for helping him. In reality, you don't really do that much to help him. You seem to think that all three of your children's behavior problems are someone else's fault. And you will tell anyone who will listen horrible your life is. You are pathetic. You thrive on other people's pity. Take some responsibility for your actions and life. You reap what you sow.

Confession #1075

To my husband:

Our relationship has gotten so much better in the last few weeks. Thank you for pitching in and helping out when I get migraines. Thank you for not complaining when you've come home from a stressful day and I ask you to watch our son and make dinner so I can take some meds and go to bed.

Confession #1076

you are the most irritating and annoying sick person EVER. you whinge and whine and complain. I know you're poorly with gastro and it's awful but you called me EVERY 10 MINUTES last night. I was exhausted!

Your dependence and need for attention and affection is driving me away. we've been together for 6 years and you've gotten worse.

Confession #1077

Last night while I watched you soothe our baby when she was feeling sick it
made my heart want to burst. It's so true that watching a man be a daddy can
make you love him even more. 7 years, 3 children.... I love you more than I
ever imagined I could.

Confession #1078

I work full-time as a PA. I spend all day running around after other people and doing their chores and admin tasks. the LAST thing i need when i get home is you giving me tasks to do. do them yourself you lazy bastard!

When the rubbish gets full, EMPTY IT! yes, it starts to smell after a while. i don't leave the washing till you have absolutely nothing to wear before i wash, do i? and plleaaseee replace the bag. it's not rocket science.

don't leave me stranded in the toilet. the toilet paper is kept the other side of the flat.

Confession #1079

Waitin, watchin the clock, its four oclock, its got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man

Talkin to herself, theres no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears hes gone
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man

She loved him, yeah...she dont want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...thats why shell be back again
Cant find a better man
Cant find a

Someday, I will find a better man.

Confession #1080

I think we are finally becoming each other's best friend instead of each other's fuck buddy/roommate. I'm trying to become the kind of wife you want/need. And I see you've responded. I see you're trying to become the kind of hubby I want/need. And it makes my heart sing.


Anonymous said...

#1079 - That song totally describes my last ex. I was with him because I didn't want to be alone. I finally wised up and left the bastard. I haven't found my "better man" yet, but I know he's out there. Besides, finding him can be the most fun.

Anonymous said...

fuck all you bitches and hoes

-- your husband

Anonymous said...

Yah, whatever dude! Truth hurts, huh? So, which one are you? The porn addict? No, you're the guy who got snippy with your wife when she was in labor? Okay, I know, you're the guy who wants to get it on with the dog and you're pissed because the world wide web knows about it. Basically I bet you are soooooooo full of shit that if they squeezed it all out of you when you died they could bury you in a matchbox.

Anonymous said...

#1079 - been there, done that. I have no regrets. I deserved better. So do you. When I got to the point that I'd rather be alone than be with him, it was easy to leave.

Anonymous said...

Dear genius,
When referring to a woman as a garden tool, one would write "hoe". If you were trying to use shortened sland for "whore", I believe it's "ho". Thank you for enlightening us all.

Anonymous said...

If you were fucking us, we wouldn't be here. Why don't you get your head out of your ass and pay attention to your wife. Dumb ass.

Anonymous said...

He's not the porn addict... he's been an unfortunate victim of a toothbrush toilet bowl scrubbing.

And if he wasn't, he will be.

Anonymous said...

#1079, this is gonna sound totally goofy, but... I got off-line last night after reading these posts, got in the car, and (crazy!) your tune came right on. I haven't heard that song in over a *year*. So I rocked out all the way to yoga class, and when I got there, the teacher asked us to dedicate our practice to someone. You got mine. I just figured there was good karma in the air, so I'm sending you some. I know I sound like a kook, but sometimes you just gotta believe that little coincidences happen for a reason. ;)

You'll get there....

Anonymous said...

#1079 - You'll get there someday. I did and you will too. It is just like anonymous 9:43 said.

Anonymous 10:05 - What a sweet thing to do! I don't think it's goofy at all.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Thank you so much for dedicating your practice to me. That means so much to me. Not goofy at ALL.You've made me fell special today. That song just always seemed to fit how I've felt for so long. 3:33, 9:43, 8:08, thank you. I've tried and tried but a relationship can't ever be only 50%. It really makes me feel better that people I don't even know would take the time to think of me. I left him on Friday. I don't want to go back. I need to find my dreams again.