Even though you have caught me deceiving you in the past, and I have apologized over and over again, swore that it would never happen, I think about it happening again all the time. I think about men I meet at work and friends from home. I think about how I can be sneaky enough this time to get away with it. I love you so much, but I can't help wanting the pleasure from someone else. To wrap my legs around someone else and have him enter me...even the very thought gets me more wound up than you could do in a life time.
I'm sorry I feel this way. I love you so much. I want to have your children and grow old with you. I just want them too.
Sometimes when I am mad at you and you go to take your shower, I turn all the faucets to hot and flush the toilets just to give myself some satisfaction, and it works because when you get out of the shower, I am not mad anymore.
You tell your friends that you think I'm going to leave you. Yet, you do nothing to prevent me from wanting to leave. We've had discussions many times about what's going on in our relationship and I've told you very plainly what I need from you. But, you choose to do nothing. It makes me wonder why. Do you want me to take our kids and leave? Do you want to be alone? Do you want to be able to do what you want to do to your heart's content without worrying about what I'm thinking?
It's sad. You deal with things by ignoring them and hoping that they'll go away and that's what you're doing with me and have done for all the years we've been together. But, in this instance, by ignoring me, it will eventually make me go away.
Do you realize in the entire time we've been together that you've never once told me that you think I'm pretty or sexy or complimented me on anything? I feel like a dried up sponge and can't take it anymore. My selfworth is in the negative state and it would certainly help if I thought that my husband was proud of me, thought I was pretty and sexy and appreciated me, but I don't. I don't feel like I can ever come up to your unrealistic standards and never will.
I am a woman
Married to a man that is bipolar and verbally abusive
I am in love with a women that I've had a relationship with for 3 years.
You moved us 3 states away from her but it doesn't change the fact
I will always love her
I will always need her
I will one day be with her.
I can't divorce you because I'm afraid you will go off the deep end and hurt yourself
I can't divorce you because I do love you but I'm not in love with you
I can't divorce you after everything I've put you through
I can't divorce you because I finally figured out I'm a lesbian - it would destroy you.
We're trying to make a new life in our new state.
We don't know anyone and you are so antisocial we probably never will
We will pretend to be happy
We will fight when you have yet another manic episode.
I will stand by you and take care of you
I will continue our sex life and fake climaxes to make you feel accomplished
I will make dinner, clean our house and keep you as happy as I can
I will continue to long for her....
I truly believe you never wanted a wife but wanted a 2nd mother.
Telling me that I "smell" is a sure fire way to make sure we don't have sex. And yes, of course I showered today.
I will not be attending any of your families functions voluntarily. I am so embarrassed we had to borrow money again.
I am not a leech. I am not a piece of shit. I am not a bitch. I am not a train wreck.I am a beautiful, loving, kind, creative person. I have spent the past three years taking your shit because of our baby boy. You tell me..."oh, I used to be just like you." Um, you used to be living at your Mom's on a drug cocktail because you could not cope. I am nothing like YOU. I have lived my life to the fullest until I met you and you sucked all of the life and spirit out of me. You drink, oh how you drink. You abuse me verbally and then make me feel like it is my fault. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this position.I don't even know what is real anymore. I am caught up in your web of bullshit. I hate who I am when I am with you. I just do not have the guts to leave. I am afraid of being a single Mom. I lost my Mom and I don't want my baby boy to lose his Mom to this turmoil. I want him to have a family. A Mom and a Dad. A family. Some family. No matter what I do I am screwed. Trapped.
I can't believe how fucking stupid I was...letting my loneliness get the best of me. I sought you out, you came running like it's your first piece of ass and it was the lamest fuck ever. I got a yeast infection. Oh, since then you've proved yourself a great lover. But, a selfish one. You want it when you want it. You text me, you tell me you love me, you miss me and all that other good stuff. Yet, I never know where I stand with you. I told you I loved you just so you'd keep coming back for more. I don't love you, hell I hardly know you. I should have known better picking some young kid who is not experienced in life, who wants the best of both worlds. Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I have a wonderful life with great kids and awesome husband but yet I can't seem to get you out of my mind. But, I'm not playing this game. It's over. I can't risk my married life which is secure with a kid who doesn't know his ass from his shoulders. It's been fun but not real fucking fun. Grow up.
From a Man
to the ladies at twc:
please please PLEASE stop with the self-pitying and sad, "I can't lose the baby weight, so if I tell you I look like Sara Ramirez enough times you'll start to believe it."