Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Guess What?

Another (male) blogger has decided to use TWC to vent his personal frustrations about women. You know? Us women? Cheating, Lying, Whorish women?

Dear God. I wonder how any of us got married to such petulant babies.

If the blogger in question had taken the time to read ALL the confessions AND the FAQ, he may have understood that this site is not about "cheating, lying women." It is about the complexities of being married...the complexities of maintaining a relationship in a society that expects women to either be "happy wives and mothers" or "career driven, lying whorish bitches".

Alas, unnamed male blogger. It's not that easy. It's not that simple.

I know you wish that "communication" would solve everything. Your "armor" is dented. You are a "warrior" who has emerged from dealing with lying women.

Get over yourself.

The bottom line is that marriage and relationships are HARD. Not just a little bit, but H to the A to the R to the D. I was one of those who confidently told the world that I would "never" allow my future husband to ..... or that he will "never" talk to me that way....or "if you're not happy, just leave"......

Until I got inside. With a Child. And a Home.

And I realized that I compromise bits and pieces of myself to maintain my marriage, my home, my family. That to pretend that I didn't was lying to other women. Lying to myself.

So please. Save your righteousness for your next partner. I'm sure she'll love it.

107 comments:

Lori said...

Hmmmm....where is this rant you speak of? I'd really like to read it. Said male blogger will probably end up opening mouth and inserting foot, among other things. YOU GO DAWN!

That Chick Over There said...

I don't understand why people (men or women) rant on about what people have to say. They are confessions! People are venting here. If you don't want to read them, then don't. I'm sure there's a lovely "Wham" Tribute site you can go look at or something instead.

Andrea said...

I understand why you didn't post a link, because trolls crave attention and traffic. But I feel like giving the jerk a piece of my own mind as well.

Hey, Self Righteous Asshole: not all women are cheaters. Not all women are unhappy in their marriages. Not all women confess to being angry at their husbands. And not all women are "whorish bitches." You really should spend time actually READING what you're bitching about. Not every second of marriage is peachy, but there are those of us who are happy. And even in the happiness, we still have to vent sometimes. Get over yourself. Until you stop placing your insecurities and inadequacies on the women you date instead of taking responsibility for them yourself, you won't find happiness with another woman. Period.

Diana said...

"Until I got inside. With a child. And a home..."

AMEN!

Kate said...

Wow, what a brave guy! With dented armor! On the INTERNET! ANONYMOUSLY!

oo-ee. Where can I get me one of them?

Anonymous said...

Very well said Dawn, you explained it all so perfectly.

Anonymous said...

Where is he, where is he? Is it wrong to want to giggle and point at him because he so obviously misses the point of TWC?

He's not stupid because he's a man that's just extra.

Datbury said...

Nothing in life prepares you for marriage. The more I learn about my wife, the less I understand women. And she has said the same thing about me. But we still love each.

Anonymous said...

who wants to bet he's not married? Or at least not happily.

Mitzi Green said...

**side note: a Wham! tribute site? where? where? andrew ridgeley is my hero!

actual post comment--hell to the yeah. we're all (women AND men) raised to believe marriage, if it's good, is all starshine and flowers, all the time. talk about the need for truth in advertising...

Anonymous said...

Found him!

http://www.ronaldlewis.com/blog/2006/11/dark-side-of-married-women.html

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, thanks for the link. He really looks and sounds like a real winner. Probably bitter. Oh well, that's just one man's uninformed opinion. Piss off Ronald!

Anonymous said...

http://ronaldlewis.newsvine.com/_news/2006/11/14/441341-the-dark-side-of-married-women#c381237

Anonymous said...

"Men and women who supposedly love their mates -- while deceiving them at every turn -- are like parasites on a dog. They serve no greater purpose than to feed their own self-serving desires in life. Good riddance to them all."
- Roland Lewis

Anonymous said...

oh yes, another professional victim of a steady procession of eeeeevil women, somehow too dim to realize he's the only constant in the equation.

but please keep it up, proud wronged internet warrior -- those of us who are getting laid enjoy the chuckle!

Ronald Lewis said...

First, the official link to my blog entry: http://www.ronaldlewis.com/blog/2006/11/dark-side-of-married-women.html

Now ...

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Ronald Lewis, as some of you are already aware. Nope, I am not hiding behind an anonymous moniker. I am right here, all in the open for the world to see.

I am 27 years old. Intelligent, accountable, fair, humble, selfless, loving, giving and of outstanding virtues. I believe in equality, balance and fairness. I was raised by a single mother who taught me to always respect women. Thus, I didn't know anything less than to love openly and honestly. I figured all women wanted to be loved.

Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of emotional manipulation and infidelity, emotional imbalance and so many other things that I'd later encounter, but was never prepared for. And guess what? Women took advantage of that -- until I woke up and put an end to the selfish and conniving trickery of many lonely and desperate women out there...aka the parasites.

Despite the ugly truths I'd encounter...I still gave the next woman the benefit of the doubt. However, it was my wife (who doesn't even deserve the classification for her all of the mean-spirited and careless things she did) inspired me to finally open eyes after 3 years of neglect. But despite the hell I lived in, I still had love. I still listened to her. I sacrificed. I gave my all. I always provided an "open door". She was always free to come and go as she pleased. She had her own life.

Yet, I am to blame for her childhood? Her inability to be accountable? Her carelessness? Her supposed right to see, flirt with and carry on emotional and physical flings with men whenever she felt like it? The right to be a habitual liar toward a man who's given her nothing but unconditional life and respect? I don't think so.

There are many a great men out here who have done their very best and never expected much of their SOs -- but basic respect, consideration, love and commitment. We were not seeking servants or slaves. Nope, just someone to come home to at night. Someone to share in some private time with. Someone to hold through the night. Someone to cook with and for. Someone to make passionate love to. Someone to feel proud of and about. Someone to be there in our corner. There wasn't a hurry to make babies, because we're still trying to enjoy our youth and everything life afforded us.

However, I have a problem with women (and men) who are not honest with their significant others. You cannot solve issues in any engagement when hiding anonymously on a website or forum and sharing your stories and thoughts for others to read. You cannot feel good about "high-fiving" mere strangers when they are not the ones you've given your lives to.

There are no excuses, ladies or men. You cannot rationalize this.

Men and women should ALWAYS be able to openly communicate their feelings, concerns and other things of importance. We only cheat ourselves by living blindly behind illogical fronts which lack any real substance or value. I know not much of this will sink in, because most of you are already stuck on your own beliefs and will just see me as another testosterone-fortified being.

So, take take this friendly advice to heart:

You cannot live a double standard, ladies. You either do what's necessary to make things better, or you leave the situation you're in. Do not pass go or collect $200. Do not stay for the house, kids or the convenience.

And just as you all feel entitled to sharing your secrets here, we men of standards are also entitled to sharing knowledge with other good men to help them avoid harmful situations which they might later regret.

As a man who remained faithful to his adulterous and psychologically scorned wife (read: Like many women, she never addressed her childhood issues of lacking a loving father -- and instead chose to blame them for her life and choices today) who showed her nothing but love -- one who always attempted to seek understanding and resolve in his marriage -- one who who always forgave his wife when she hid her lies or were caught in them -- know that we're not the problem, but attempted many times to evolve to a solution. In life, we sometimes must cut our ties -- no matter how painful they might be -- because of someone who doesn't value what is before them. The grass is never greener.

Flame on.

Anonymous said...

Okay Ronald, so you are a slighted husband. Wake up dude! So alot of these women have been slighted. Thus, TRUE WIFE CONFESSIONS! You have categorized one too many people for what you say to be taken seriously. Go cry to your equally slighted cronies. piss off jackass! It is very offensive for you to come here and voice YOUR opinion. None of these confessions tell the whole story. So, you in your "my wife treated me like shit" mindset, think you can come here and make yourself the center of attention by badmouthing the ladies? Think again because I think I might here an angry mob of "Whores" coming that might just let you have it.

Anonymous said...

CREEP!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like Ronald was maybe reacting out of personal hurt, which many of us do on here when replying to a cheater's confession.

Ronald: if you had been as equitable and not as anti-all-women-ever in your original post, maybe it wouldn't have been a big deal. I understand and agree with pretty much your whole post here. I believe people should remain loyal if they pledge to do so. However, this is not what your original post conveyed; it was much more one-sided. Both men and women are responsible for their actions; no one should be morally immune when in comes to fidelity.

Mitzi Green said...

ronald, i beg to differ. couples can always be open to communicate their feelings, thoughts, etc.; but "can" doesn't necessarily mean "should." if i openly and honestly told my husband every time he does something that irritates the piss out of me--and believe me, there are those days when that's damn near everything--we'd probably be divorced, and vice versa. along the same lines, if i didn't vent those petty, minor frustrations somewhere, i'd probably go stark-raving mad. TWC is a very good forum for getting it off your collective chest without crushing anyone's feelings unnecessarily.

Kate said...

Ronald, I skipped most of your complaint because it was whine, whine, whine. Just like I skip most of the complaints on here because they're whine, whine, whine. I'm all about equal-opportunity boredom.

So, yeah, call us when you get off the cross. We need the wood.

Jess said...

Kate, was there a double-entendre in your comment? Regardless, I laughed my ass off.

Dawn, I laughed with relief when I read your post. It was somehow "clean," you know, not too bitter, very contained, and maybe even a little amused. Some of the commenters here are so nasty -- women commenters too -- who tear each other down. I think you do a fair job of maintaining your own equilibrium when responding to people, and I admire that. Thank you for your words, and for this forum.

Peace....

Andrea said...

YES! YES! Ronald CAN'T TAKE IT! Here's what I posted to him less than an hour ago:

=====
The site isn't about cheating women. It's about wives who want to confess something anonymously:

-- Some are confessing that they're cheaters.
-- Some are confessing their continuing anguish that their husbands cheated.
-- Some are confessing that after they found out their husbands cheated, they swished his toothbrush around in the toilet bowl.
-- Some are confessing that even though their husband says he's allergic to every detergent brand but one, they switched detergents two months ago and he's still fine.

I'm sorry you were hurt, Ronald, but victimhood doesn't absolve you from the responsibility to read thoroughly and report honestly.

====

And he DELETED IT! Resolved: Ronald was indeed betrayed frequently by his wife. She voiced her own opinions instead of parroting his.

God, I love guessing correctly.

kate said...

Go Andrea. He "rebukes the norm," except when it's his own. :)

Anonymous said...

I noticed he had several deleted comments earlier, and figured it was some such situation.

Raven said...

Bless you for writing this!

Anonymous said...

I'd call Ronald a tool, but tools are useful.

I think he has the right to say whatever he wants to about this site, just like we have the right to say anything we want about his comments. However, the fact that he deleted TWC contributer's comments off his blog, just highlights his insecurity.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, Ron.

Anonymous said...

Coward Ronald! How dare you come here and speak your mind but delete anything from your blog you don't agree with. Better watch out for all us "Whores." We're smarter than you. heheheehheee.

Lori said...

Open mouth and insert foot now, Ronald.

Anonymous said...

BAHAHA! He's Mister Fair and Balanced, all right ... until it gets difficult. Then he collapses.

Anonymous said...

Ick. You sound like a big wimp who let some bitch walk all over you and now you're mad at all women. Grow some balls in your next relationship and write us back. Till then leave us alone with our misery. It comes and goes, just like assholes like you.

Anonymous said...

I just went over and read that post and the comments that followed. I suggest you all go over and read the comments. This guy is an ass!

Anonymous said...

Well Ronald, sounds like you are a lousy judge of people. Either that or you are just plain lousy. If every woman has lied and cheated on you then it must be 2 things.

You are a shitty judge of character.

Or you are a shitty partner. Most women don't need to lie or cheat if their emotional needs are being met at home. Mine are and I never even think of looking for another man or lying to my husband. I don't need to.

Anonymous said...

Uh, so are you saying that if a woman's needs aren't being met, she should lie or cheat (or post anonymously on a confessions board), rather than voice these concerns to her partner?

Also, I didn't see him saying anything like women are whores, women are all selfish lying parasites, etc. What he did say was that people (both male and female) have to be honest with their partners, because how else would you have a balanced relationship? Maybe communication doesn't solve everything, but it's a heck of a lot better when it's present, don't you think?

He's also not saying that nothing bad has ever happened to women, thus TWC shouldn't exist. What I've gathered from the posts is that he's saying that these women should be telling their partners these problems they have with things the men in their lives do, not random strangers in cyberspace.

Yes, you can all relate. Yes, you've all been there, and know what she's going through. However, when you've been slighted by someone, the best way to ensure it happens again is to never voice your feelings on the slight to the person who did it to you.

I also find it a little humorous that members from a site about complaining about their SOs are berating the guy about "placing [his] insecurities and inadequacies on the women [he dates] instead of taking responsibility for them [him]self" and being "a lousy judge of people."

louisa said...

Ronald obviously has a slight bitterness that follows him around like a black cloud or lets say a perastic plague !!

Ronald although I personally take issue with cheating women and cheating men I do not take issue with women and men vocalizing their misdemenours ( my spelling sucks by the way) on this site.
I see it as a confesional of a sort.
I am one of those women who has never cheated and communicates on a extreme level so in your eyes I would be a ideal women ??
I am a women who was once cheated on for unknown reasons and never given a explination.
Rather then doing the same back to the person I broke off the obviously dead relationship but not before caning his credit card and signing him up to every porn site known to man on his work laptop ( now thats bitter and twisted) anyway i digress.
What I am saying is that these women and men feel the need to vent, let off the steam, confess, brag, be angry and be happy on this site. In your moralistic attack against these people you have failed to mention the people on here who have written in to say they love their other half. You fail to mention the women writing in to say the pain theu feel as they watch their true love die of things like cancer and terminal illnesses. YOU FAIL TO MENTION THE GOOD CONFESSIONS YOU JERK !! Having to listen to you dribble on about cock all is not that interesting really so basically ....bugger off !!
You quite clearly like to listen to the sound of your own voice and love to come across as this highly intelligent moralistic person. geuss what ....your not !

Ronald Lewis said...

It is clearly evident that 98% of you ignored my message and chose to create your own idea of what you believe me to be.

This spewing of venom is far from hot. Instead, it serves as a great example of how low some women are willing to go. There is no class or tact in most of the responses here. Your only tactic is to attack "below the belt".

If you're doing this to me -- a man who is of no threat to you -- then I can only imagine what you do to your spouses.

As for being an "asshole", that isn't part of my nature. I like to lead a stress-free and fulfilling life, a practice most of you could benefit from.

If you all invested more time in seeking resolve in whatever issues you face in life -- rather than attempting to tear down every man you view as a threat -- then perhaps your lives will be that much sweeter on average.

It is only then that you can enjoy the essence of peace and happiness.

Finally, to address the poster's assumption of "allowing" a woman to walk over me. Never in a million years. One may do wrong toward another, but it doesn't mean that he cannot stand his ground nor still love the person which has crossed him.

There is a level of tolerance when you love someone unconditionally. It doesn't make you a weak person for attempting to work through issues which may negatively impact a relationship or marriage.

Also, I never claimed to hate all women. Again, those are your ideas and assumptions. I am fully aware that wonderful women exist, because I count several of them as good friends. Unfortunately, the reality is that these women only make up a very small percentage of the majority.

Finally, no one is perfect. I was not completely aware of the purpose of this site, but seeing "What your wife wishes she could tell you..or not" coupled with several revealing messages of infidelity were enough to make anyone raise an eyebrow.

Anonymous said...

"Unfortunately, the reality is that these women only make up a very small percentage of the majority."

Same goes for men, pal. You're not all peaches either.

Anonymous said...

2:34, you are lost hon. Maybe you should go read everything on his site. He says right there that what all of women have in common here is that we are ALL cheaters. He says that we are no better than parasites on a dog. You better read again honey. Maybe you need some reading comprehension help. You look foolish defending him.

art said...

WOW....................no judge here.............. peace~art

Anonymous said...

Ronald, our ideas and assumptions aren't just coming from your post. It also comes from your comments and the fact that YOUR blog and the comments are completely one-sided. Unlike here. And the reason I say that is because all the comments you don't agree with or that are telling the other side are just so conveniently deleted. Why? The whole thing makes you look like a jilted man who hates women. Yah, Yah, and I don't want to hear any of your philosophical bullshit about how you were raised by a single mom blah, blah, blah. Fact of the matter is that you didn't meet your wife's needs, so she went somewhere else to fulfill them. Or maybe she has several confessions here on TWC, or maybe you see yourself in many of the confessions and just can't stand that you have been outted and reading here what you've done or haven't done just hits a nerve and you feel the need to justify yourself. Anyhow, you can still just piss off, FOOL!

Anonymous said...

Damn, Ronald is a prince charming is he not?

Anonymous said...

"Parasites on a dog" comment was directed towards people who cheat, men and women.

And frankly, it does seem like a whole lot of posts are mainly about wives who are cheating or are seriously considering cheating. Now, this isn't true of every single post here, but the fact remains that a large amount of the women who post have cheated in deed, and many in thought.

louisa said...

so what if a large amount of these posts are about women and men cheating or about to cheat ???

It is their life right ?? it is there moral decision to cheat right ??
Just let it be! anyone out there who is naive enough to think that this is a new thing or a rare thing or a epidemic is a fool !!

this has gone on since the begining of time. What ever these people write about is something they will have to deal with consquences wise.
Get off the moral high ground people. No one is white as white everyone has done something on varying levels in their lives that is wrong.

Anonymous said...

Commenting anonymous now? Huh Ronald?

Andrea said...

Hey, y'all, he put my comment back up. So he's trying to be fair.

Anonymous said...

No he's not Andrea. Fair would've been to post ALL comments from both sides of the spectrum. Just because he restored one comment doesn't mean he's trying to be fair. It might mean he sees the error in how he put all this out there. Anyhow, he sucks!

Anonymous said...

I think he restored your comment from peer pressure.

Anonymous said...

"If you all invested more time in seeking resolve in whatever issues you face in life -- rather than attempting to tear down every man you view as a threat -- then perhaps your lives will be that much sweeter on average."

Dear Ronald,

Could you possibly be more condescending?

I read your blog and the comments and can only conclude that you have a chip on your shoulder.

How your ex-wife treated you has no bearing on another womans relationship with her man, just as my exes mistakes have no relevance to your relationship with a woman.
Make sense?

You're 27, many of the women on the site are old enough to be your Mother, myself included. We have many more years of life experience than you which lends us a wisdom about life and love that you have yet to achieve. To come here and give us "friendly advice" displays nothing but your own arrogance and immaturity.

Grow up some son before you start trying to tell your mama how to suck eggs.

From a sister.

Anonymous said...

Amen, Sister!

Anonymous said...

Ronald said "The grass is never greener", but I have to take exception to that.

Actually, sometimes it IS greener. I've been enjoying the gorgeous green grass on the other side for about 6 years now, and it is *much* more luscious than the dry desert I experienced in my previous relationship. Yes, I married the man I was having an affair with. And it has worked out better than I ever could have dreamed. No regrets. Just enjoying that lush, green grass on the other side.

Ronald, I think it's your sweeping generalizations that have offended us here. Life isn't always black or white. Generalizations are almost always inaccurate. Note the use of the word "almost" in that sentence. You might want to give it a try.

Anonymous said...

There is a well known self-help cliche about women who are always attracted and involved with the wrong kind of man. Men that cheat, or are abusive, or neglectful, or all of the above. Despite the cliche status of this problem, it still holds true for some women...and regardless of the "excuses" or parental issues it is often blamed on by others its still a real problem.
Now, after reading Ronald's post here filled with paragraphs of what appears to be well thought out self-analysis I wonder if perhaps he is not a man with a very similar issue.
He claims that his broad sweeping generalizations about women are based on personal experiance. I, for one, find it hard to believe that he had the bad luck to stumble across only women that have treated him poorly without having subconscienly seeked them out. Leaving him obviously rather bitter.
Besides the accusatory note to almost everything he writes, my major problem with his story is that he is in fact not all that differant from the women he maligns. Somewhere either he, or one of the posts on his sight referred to the fact that if a women is unhappy then she should leave, regardless of any other circumstances.
Then he goes on to say that his ex wife lied to him repeatedly for the duration of their three year relationship. As this probably made him unhappy...why did it take him three years to end the marriage? Obviously he does not actually hold to the "just leave" mantra he has been using.
Perhaps he should view her actions as a reflection on herself, rather then women everywhere.

Linsey said...

Obviously he does not actually hold to the "just leave" mantra he has been using.

No kidding. He also didn't hold to the "equal, balanced" ideal he yammers about constantly. He posted long monologues on TWC and they're still up ... but he deleted Andrea's post on his own blog. Then he put it back up when people started laughing at him.

So yeah. Not only does he believe in equality only when it's convenient, he bends to peer pressure rather than "rebuking the norm." Which, incidentally, is one of the weirdest semi-misuses of English I've ever read.

Ronald Lewis said...

Interesting comments, but they're all still the same "it's a man, attack" drivel.

You should all know that one of your cohorts e-mailed me today, of which I kindly responded. However, what was the point in composing a message of substance, when she'd already attempted to gain brownie points by joining in on the bashing to maintain her status here on TWC. Yes, your fellow mate lives a double-standard. Her behavior is quite different compared to here. But again, what's the point? She'd already proven her true character here.

Most of you have refused to fully digest my comments and have instead chosen to paint your own impressions. I have not made any sweeping generalizations and you would know that from reading.

With regard to my ex, I never sought her out. She sought me. It is rare that I seek out women for a relationship, because I have more important things to do with my time -- and judging by most relationships and marriages these days -- it's more appealing to be alone than risk wasting more time on dead-end people who are emotionally and psychologically distraught over issues which occurred earlier in their lives.

The comment about not meeting my ex's needs are again -- more drivel and another immature tactic to find ways to undermine a man who isn't even a threat to you. There are many a people who never reveal their true character until you've already fallen in love with someone. As the old saying goes, "The truth will always come to light" and so it did. However, as I already mentioned, when you love someone unconditionally -- as I did her -- it is not always easy to just walk away. Now, I know better.

Most of you have made it obvious that you'll try your best to attack a man on all fronts to feel better about yourselves while attempting to impress your cohorts. I suggest you re-read your comments to understand just how childish most of you are being. It's unnecessary, but of course -- you all feel liberated in making a fool of yourselves. It's not becoming of you.

Well, continue doing what you do best, ladies. The newest attack now is on my command of the English language. What will you think of next to nitpick.

---

re‧buke  /rɪˈbyuk/
1. to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand.
–noun
2. sharp, stern disapproval; reproof; reprimand.

Rebuking the "norm" means just that: Not following the majority, of which we mostly seem to do. Sounds like a valid use of English to me.

linsey said...

No, rebuking doesn't usually mean just disapproving of something -- it usually means reproving it, getting right up in its face and scolding it. The "norm" is an awfully vague, generalized thing; it's not solid enough to yell at. You can ignore a norm, or disapprove of it, or bypass it ... but rebuking it means that there's something solid and real, and you're scolding it.

Unless you're standing on a street corner shouting at the air about how you hate suburban values, I doubt you're really rebuking the norm. But if you are, props to you for really thinking about words and doing your best to live up to them.

"What will you think of next to nitpick?" should end with a question mark.

Dawn said...

But Ronald, you did the same thing by lumping all women on TWC into the same pot. "Women. BAD!"

Again, if you read the confessions and the comments you will see that we spend a great deal of time commenting on one anothers behaviors. There is no patent "high fiving" going on for cheating. In fact, quite the opposite. We can be quite brutal to one another.

That being said, it does not negate TWC as a place for women to say the unsayable. To express that which is not acceptable to be expressed.

That does not mean that every woman who thinks about old boyfriends is cheating...just that it happens. Heck, even I wonder about old loves and what my life would be like if I had chosen another path. But saying that, however, does not turn me into a lying cheater. Just a normal human.

Truth, even the ugly things, have value. It is, as I have said before, when we cover it up, pretend it isn't there, that we aren't feeling what we are feeling, that I think we get into trouble as humans.

The biggest part of becoming an adult, I feel, is realizing that not only am I not perfect, but that there is room for all spectrums of behaviors in people. I can't know what someone else's experience will be or is. I can, however, listen and try to learn from them, without judging.

That is something that my Mother-in-law, and sister-in-laws in Detroit would second.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you say "I have not made any sweeping generalizations and you would know that from reading."

How about these sweeping generalizations from your original post?

"It's about selfish, deceiving, immoral and dishonest married women confessing their adultery anonymously to a global audience."

"The common thread is that these women are cheaters."

On the same page are confessions of "I turn the heat up when you're not home" and "I love you so much that I'm always afraid you'll die." You didn't have to dig far to find them ... so either you didn't read enough to be able to speak about the blog honestly, or you read them all and picked only the ones that bolstered your original position.

Neither behavior makes you look trustworthy.

Anonymous said...

Oh Ronald. The more I read your words, the more I want to smack the shit out of you.
You did not love your wife unconditionally. If you did, there would be no condition under which you would not love her. This is obviously not the case. People who say they love someone unconditionally usually are the ones who put the most conditions on it. Honestly.
I'm sure you think you were a perfect husband, great communicator, all around wonderful guy, but your issues and personality had SOMETHING to do with the demise of your marriage, whether you want to accept that or not. It would be interesting to hear your ex wife's point of view on the subject. I'm sure it would be much different than yours. I can tell just from your writing that you were most likely a judgemental, critical ass, and you refused then, as you do now, to acknowledge that anyone else could possibly have a valid idea, or be right. That just doesn't happen in Ronald's world.

Black Misogynist said...

This whole comment page makes me shake my head.

Anonymous said...

You know, I have to agree a little bit with 3:23. From the general tone and voice of all his postings her reminds me quite a bit of my emotionally abusive ex. Especially in his description of just how well balanced he is and how the end of his marriage was totally her fault.
I spent four years of my life hearing how everything that went wrong in both the relationship and the rest of his life was solely my responsibility, and anything he ever did wrong was obviously just a reaction to whatever I had done wrong previously.
Of course, I am not saying that Ronald is anything like my ex in actuality, because that would be assuming that a single similarity makes them the same type of person, and I don't like to make generalizations like that.

Ronald Lewis said...

"The more I read your words, the more I want to smack the shit out of you."

Physical violence isn't the solution, either. Remember, communication. There is nothing one shouldn't be able to say to the other. Period.

"You did not love your wife unconditionally. If you did, there would be no condition under which you would not love her."

Of course I loved her unconditionally. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have forgiven her poor behavior and lack of character. All I asked for was basic respect, consideration, love and appreciation.

Contrary to what many women believe, there are men who desire love as well. Not every man is a player, abuser or prick. And in my case -- according to some of you here -- an "asshole" (or jerk, or whatever else you'd like to refer to me as).

If I were such an asshole -- why would this woman beg her family for my return? Why would she tell them that she was at fault for the demise of our so-called marriage? Why would she write countless letters apologizing for her behavior? Why would her family embrace me with open arms upon my return? Why would her own male cousin tell her not to "screw up" because "Ron's a good man". Hmmmm.

Don't you think it's a bit ironic for a family that isn't my blood to love me like their own? I don't recall assholes like myself be so well liked. Do you?

I sacrificed everything in my life to save a sinking ship. Everything. And I drowned -- twice. I'd be a fool to drown myself a third time. I learned my lesson.

"I'm sure you think you were a perfect husband, great communicator, all around wonderful guy, but your issues and personality had SOMETHING to do with the demise of your marriage"

No need to think. I know. Believe me, I analyzed and beat everything to death talking to a therapist, friends and family about why my ex. I prayed and I searched for answers and understanding. I often faulted myself for her own behavior, but why? I'd given her nothing but respect. I'd given her all of my heart and soul. I never looked at other women. I sacrificed friendships with women who were there long before she ever came along. I did all that I possibly could to please her -- even at times sacrificing my own joy and happiness.

Regardless, it didn't stop her from committing emotional and physical infidelity. It didn't stop her from meeting new men online and off. It didn't stop her from being a habitual liar. It didn't stop her from living in denial about everything. These are things we do not know about people until it's far too late to leave. Had I known she was this type of woman, would you honestly think that I'd even engage in a relationship with someone like her, let alone marry her?

I learned that I was not the first person she'd behaved in this way with. It is a cycle she has repeated from the time she was a teenager -- when she discovered her sexual prowess and ability to make men do whatever she damn well pleased. It was empowering for her to have all the attention she never got as a little girl from her father. I'm sure this is familiar to some of you. It's the same crutch she uses to this day for her inability to live a healthier life. Fortunately for me, she's no longer my concern.

However, I must admit that there were "red flags". Now, I certainly fault myself for not being too bright about recognizing those. But I didn't know any better then. I always thought that women could do no wrong and were perfect beings. Please. This thread is yet another reality check.

"I can tell just from your writing that you were most likely a judgemental, critical ass, and you refused then, as you do now, to acknowledge that anyone else could possibly have a valid idea, or be right. That just doesn't happen in Ronald's world."

There are no valid ideas when people are selfish and dishonest. Absolutely none. The harboring of lies and concealing relevant details about one's actions from their SO is wrong.

You are correct that I was critical -- of her behavior. A few months ago, she almost lost her life because she wanted to shake her romp at a party full of thugs and skank women. And this wasn't the first time she'd experienced this -- but it was a first for me, and yes -- I blew my top. A 22 year old woman making more than $40K a year in a law firm had a lot more going for herself than a majority of the people she chose to associate with that night. And guess what? She isn't alone. There are more of her out there.

Yes -- I was critical about many things, because I am not accepting poor behavior from any woman. Ever. Sure, I'll love you until the cows come running home, but disrespecting me isn't excusable. There are no grounds for understanding when I am disregarded as an important and integral part of a woman's life.

So, yeah, she was often angry with me when I blew the cover off of her lies and numerous attempts to deceive and conceal her true character. Let's face it: Men and women who deceive their SOs aren't great liars. It will always come back to haunt you. Always.

In the end, we were simply two people not meant for each other, because while we she still thought life was a big party, I always wanted more out of it. And we could have had everything if she were willing to address the issues -- of which I was more than happy to assist with as her mate.

As I mentioned before, no one is perfect. I was often slammed for being "too old" because of my choice to avoid certain music, venues and people. There were even negative views about my limited sexual past. Well, just because I'm a man means I'm supposed to have a 100 sexual partners by 27? That isn't experience. That's just being nasty.

AHhhh. We shall continue this evolving debate. Flame on.

Lori said...

There is no way I could even get past the 3rd paragraph of this self-righteous bullshit. Man Ronald, listen to you. Get over yourself already!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Ron, I just can't get through your long monologues on here, just like I can't get through Truthslayer's monologues on your blog.

Rambling on in a public forum makes you look egotistical. Or crazy. You're clearly hurt and I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say besides that.

Cathy said...

Good God. I just read all the comments on Ron's blog. Here's a nice one:

Lying bunch of hypocritical selfish @!$%#ed up @!$%#s is what you are. You hate men and you lie that it's our fault despite that everything is always the fault of the females. Shut the @!$%# up, go to hell and die, OK @!$%#?

And he picked ANDREA'S post to delete?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the link. I was going to comment to him that maybe he should turn gay, what with women being such bitches.

I bet a man would never cheat on him!

Andrea said...

You know, there's someone on there who answered one of my comments really well. He had a good point and he made it sternly, but not over-dramatically. I conceded; he was right.

Ronald Lewis said...

A Salute To Great Women

I thought I'd change the course of the current discussion a bit and invite everyone to an overlooked blog entry I posted on November 13 -- a day before I discovered TWC.

Oh, the contradiction I am. To be an asshole while also saluting great women. Enjoy, ladies.

Anonymous said...

Ronald, if you do anything for a women they will do anything to you. The old phrase "nice guys finish last" is true. Women see nice guys as pussies. Great for friends but they dont feel attracted to them. They always talk about "confidence" as the number one thing they look for in a man. You dont appear confident when you do "to much" for them. They want someone who "challenges" them. If you do everything for them they will not respect you anymore and they look to get thier needs met elsewhere. You sound like a decent guy. Sure, a little condescending but you have a lot to learn about women. And you are two youg to give up on them. Personally I dig them despite the fact that they are more emotinaly based than fact based. The reason they dont make sense is because emotions dictate thier thoughts and actions more than logic and facts. You have to learn how to attract and hold them by being confident and sexy.

Anonymous said...

I married, am attracted to, and madly in love with my nice guy, who I am certain does more for me than I do for him. I realize how lucky I am and I count my blessings...not the days until I can find a shmuck to try and act falsely confident and not be himself in order to try and keep me. Be genuine. It's much more sexy...no matter what your genuine might be.

Ronald Lewis said...

Anonymous,

I am a fairly diverse man. I can also be stubborn -- something which drove my ex crazy. I have never lived for entertaining women or answering their every beckon call. I never have a problem with saying "No".

A man can be stern and confident, but also sweet, loving and kind. I am all of those things.

So, you were saying?

The problem in our society is that men were always taught to meet the needs of women. And women play up on these teachings to their advantage -- everytime. Men are expected to do everything to keep a woman's interest. But damn that.

Why are women anymore special than men? Because they are capable of incubating life? Providing us sex? For wise men, they understand that women must provide them more than just their anatomy and physical attributes. We require much more than just pretty eyes, hair, etc.

The "V" doesn't grant special privileges as so many women today believe. But it's also true that because of it, women understand what they can get away with -- if men are so foolish to fall for those shallow types.

I can tell you from personal experience that I've passed up numerous opportunities to sleep with women -- because of my attitude toward them (not being available, not showing interest, etc.) If you recall, I rarely approach women for any situation. Most women have approached me, and I'm not attempting to boast about that fact.

Women who seek "challenges" in men are the same ones who complain about them not loving them, showing them affection, treating them badly, etc. That isn't a challenge. That's a loser -- and so are the women that choose them.

You don't have to be a thug or "bad boy" to be "in demand". I never have problem being noticed out in public, online or elsewhere, and you know why? Because women see that I'm an attractive, accomplished and single man who isn't bothered by being alone. It only makes the more curious beyond the initial attraction.




Ronald, if you do anything for a women they will do anything to you. The old phrase "nice guys finish last" is true. Women see nice guys as pussies. Great for friends but they dont feel attracted to them. They always talk about "confidence" as the number one thing they look for in a man. You dont appear confident when you do "to much" for them. They want someone who "challenges" them. If you do everything for them they will not respect you anymore and they look to get thier needs met elsewhere. You sound like a decent guy. Sure, a little condescending but you have a lot to learn about women. And you are two youg to give up on them. Personally I dig them despite the fact that they are more emotinaly based than fact based. The reason they dont make sense is because emotions dictate thier thoughts and actions more than logic and facts. You have to learn how to attract and hold them by being confident and sexy."

Anonymous said...

Screw your "salute". Men have been telling women how to behave and what constitutes a "good" or "bad" woman for millenia. Your patronizing bullshit is nothing new or special.

Get over yourself. Honestly. Your fury at Mommy for having power over you is showing.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and all the pontificating about how "women think nice men are pussies" from men who obviously couldn't get a real woman to save their lives is nothing new, either.

The guys who spout that crap are conniving emotional blackmailers who always have an agenda--if a woman is smart enough not to fall for it and buy into his "nice guy" act, she's a bitch who thinks "nice guys" are pussies. A real true nice guy doesn't attach strings to his nice behavior. He's nice to everyone because he's confident and decent, and women DO like that.

I'm astonished that any woman is even trying to "help" this dumbass. If he were as fabulous as he claims to be, he would have laughed at this site and never even commented.

Anonymous said...

Ronald, if you were so in demand you wouldn't still be saying all this shit about your ex...guys that have plenty of quality women interested in them dont worry this much about the nasty ex, they are quickly forgotten in the fun of the moment. And there is a difference between "acting" confident and "being" confident and women are intuitive enough to smell it in seconds. Go have some fun with some available quality women. Dont give up. Keep going.

"You don't have to be a thug or "bad boy" to be "in demand". I never have problem being noticed out in public, online or elsewhere, and you know why? Because women see that I'm an attractive, accomplished and single man who isn't bothered by being alone. It only makes the more curious beyond the initial attraction."

Ronald Lewis said...

Ahhhh. And still, most of you continue attacking "below the belt". Isn't there a better strategy than resulting to more childish insults? Or let me guess ... It's just more exciting to attack a man anonymously in exchange for more "that-a-girl" votes? At least some women here are bold enough to share some form of identification -- be it a blog link, name, etc.

To be a young male in the middle of a sea of angry middle-aged women, I seem to stand as the most logical and respectful person of this discussion.

As for my ex. What's the difference between discussing her and what occurs here at TWC?

Anonymous said...

Please stop feeding Ronald. He is thriving on the attention.

Of course, its the most he's gotten in a long time.

Anonymous said...

Thanks but no thanks, Ron. Your monologues are ... um ... kind of boring. You use big words, yeah, but you don't use them quite correctly, and your prose is turgid. I get enough of that writing style from my students.

Stacy said...

You claim that you're not making sweeping generalizations and then talk about how you're loyal and honest female friends are in the small minority...

You talk about how you're such a wonderful guy who just wants love and honesty and how you'd give anything to a woman who would provide those things, but how could any woman get past all your misogynistic views?

You congratulate yourself on being the only logical one in this dicussion, but you systematically disregard anyone elses logical arguments and say they're "hitting below the belt" just because they point out your shortcomings and pitiful inconsistencies.

No offense, but have you ever been tested for Asperger's syndrome? Might explain a few things.

Anonymous said...

Ronald, you are like a splinter. Annoying, and I really want to ignore you, but I have to keep coming back to pick at you, hoping that THIS time I will finally get rid of you. Thank you for picking apart my comment sentence by sentence and proving me right every single time, while thinking that you in fact were correct. You really are a fascinating study in total, clueless arrogance. You refuse to listen to anyone's point of view but your own. It just amazes me that you cannot concede one iota that you may have deeper problems than being the greatest, most loving, accomodating guy on the planet! Be gone, splinter!

Mike D said...

"It just amazes me that you cannot concede one iota that you may have deeper problems than being the greatest, most loving, accomodating guy on the planet! Be gone, splinter!"

Maybe you're just... Wrong?

No.... No way!

Kate said...

aw Jesus, Ron, after your last comment on the NEW post, you know what? You can go eff yourself. You aren't a misguided, egotistical, but basically decent guy who needs to learn how to be a human being. You're just a pimple.

Lizzie Lou said...

The guy's a narcissist, ladies. He thinks he's more clever, witty, talented, and deserving than anyone else, and that nothing's ever his fault.

And he always has to have the last word.

Let's leave "le petit Prince" to rule his own little world, 'cause I sure as heck don't want to go there.

- Liz

mex said...

Overall, these comments are a bit on the happy side. I am glad to see that

Daw, I wuld love to send you some confessions.. but when I try.. something called "pop up email" server appears

Woulld you mind sending me yr email addy? That way I can just mail them to you.. I cant figure out how to otherwise

My email addy is
LauderdaleGT

and I use Yahoo

Hope you have time.. I promise to keep my confessions short and sweet.. I've been married 31 years and I am dang lucky, but I have a few things that could make ya smile:)

Happy weekend

PS.. These word verifications drive me bonkers.. I don't mind when they're 4-5 letters.. but this one is about 8, or so.. all Ms, Vs.. and udder thangs my ole eyes can't discern

Anonymous said...

Hey y'all need to go over to Ronald's blogsite and read from 9-25-06 about the "dark side" of the web or some shit. Seriously, this guy is REALLY a piece of work.

Anonymous said...

I looked. My God. He's really, really, REALLY delusional. Like, needing-Thorazine delusional. He wants everyone to vote for his podcast, but they don't, so that's a conspiracy ... of ... big business. Or a DoS attack or something.

In twenty years he's going to be writing eight-thousand-word essays about why he doesn't love Britney Spears any more or something.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe the amount of negativity towards men on this website either.

Someone further up this page talked about how a man should love his wife unconditionally.

Presumably this is while she lies to him and cheats behind his back and then laughs about his naivety with her female 'friends' on here.

Jeez, wake up... If you can't or don't want to even try discussing your concerns with your husbands and then have some decency and end your marriages before you screw things up further for him and your children. Nobody deserves that. You obviously don't love your husbands so there is one answer which it seems none of you can face up to, which is: Leave them and let them find someone else who will. If they knew what you were doing they would want to divorce you anyway, so at least allow them that right.

Don't 'just stay for your kids', that is crap as your kids see and hear all the arguments that take place in your houses and when they find out what you've been up to and they are old enough to understand then you'll lose their respect big time. I hope they do find out.

People like you write all men off as b'ds... you become more bitter by the day. Just listen to yourselves.

Anonymous said...

I read his blog as well. I thought parasite on a dog was a good analogy. This site is bs.

Mom101 said...

Show me a man who's only experienced lying, cheating women, and I'll show you one f'd up man.

I mean, how is that even possible?

Candace said...

Mr. Lewis -

Will you please shut up and go away. Good God.

Anonymous said...

7:46 has to be Ronald. It's a rant man. Get a life!

Anonymous said...

7:49 is his bitch!

Anonymous said...

OH Ronaaalllldd, I just have to say this one last thing to you.....You are so full of shit, if they squeezed it all out of you when you died, they could bury in a matchbox. That's alot of shit man. I think you'd best look towards some colonics or something, I don't know. But you are fake man. You know how I know? You are completely one sided! Just think about that for a minute. What a fool you sound like. Sheesh, leave TWC the hell alone, faker.

Anonymous said...

7.58, It is possible, and certainly if you believe all the posts on this site. I find it sad that the women on here remain unhappily married while cheating and pretend that everything is ok.

Whatever happened to talking through problems in a mature way? What happened to women being better able to discuss emotional issues than men? From reading this site it seems as far as you people are concerned all that goes out the window the second a better looking bloke appears on the scene!

Sure there are some men that are unfaithful too and I feel the same contempt towards their actions, and pity their partners. I haven't been through what Mr Lewis has and hope I never will as I would assess a woman for signs of future loyalty based on how she’s been since I’ve been with her long before I asked her to marry me.

8.42, if he is one-sided in his arguments then so are you.

8.34, if I was his bitch (his ex wife) I wouldn’t have said what I did. With all due respect, I’d say you’re the cheating bitch.

This is getting personal already, so I’ll leave you lot alone before I get flamed. Also it’s very late. I guess 9.05 is US time as it’s a lot later than that here.

Anonymous said...

I didn't mean ex-wife asshole!

Anonymous said...

Thought you'd want to know Mr. Lewis has posted links to these comments on askmen.com message boards, trying to drum up support for his pov. A place, btw, where there is much talk about how nasty, bitchy, inferior and subhuman women are. But that's just the truth, and they're just "venting."

Anonymous said...

Ron is a narcissist. He was so strict and mean and patronising and condescending towards his ex that she went off the rails in a major way.

He must have kept pointing out her imperfections, reminding her of all her past sins and all the times he 'forgave her due to his unconditional love'...so much so that she felt more love in the arms of strange men who did not ask much of her.

Oh, and he has gone to a mens site to try and drum up male support. He gave all the links to TWC so the men can come here and bash you all.

He is a troll.

This is the link of where he went to gain support. If you can, go there and bust his sorry arse!

http://boards.askmen.com/viewtopic.php?t=2404

or try:

http://tinyurl.com/y96arj


It's wrong to feed trolls, but this one needs to be fed some poison....pronto.

Anonymous said...

Argh 9:10, you beat me to it. I guess I'm not the only one from Askmen who hates his patronising sorry arse!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, she meant you are his BITCH! Go back to your own one sided message board, bitch.

Anonymous said...

Oh by the way, Ronald says he does not chase after women, that these woman approach him.

How stupid is that?

A REAL man goes after a woman who has all the qualities he desires. He does not sit there and wait for every train wreck of a woman to approach him so he can marry them and then attempt to reform them.


By the way, I doubt he would ever attract a normal, nice woman for a LTR. Which woman in her right mind would want an egotistical idiot like him?

And I hate that he describes himself (both here, on Askmen and on his blog) as 'handsome' or 'attractive'. That is for people to judge, not him. Personally, I don't like his Chinese eyes. It looks too freaky on a black man. He might be mixed race, but what a bad mix.

Anyway....Ron can rot in hell.

Anonymous said...

Good lord, he's sad.

Andrea said...

Hey, you know what? I counted up the number of confessions on here about cheating versus the number of confessions about everything else. I just did it for collections #117 and #118, because I wanted to tally up the confessions that people were most likely to see right after Ron gave the link. Here is the tally:

Not-cheating: 15
Cheating: 5


G

Anonymous said...

That's 5 too many in almost anyone's eyes. I'm sure 25% isn't the percentage of women in the whole population that selfishly cheat behind their husband's backs. 9.20pm, you aren't a 'normal nice woman', and neither are the others on here...

Anonymous said...

Hi, Ron. I was getting stats to see if your claim that "This site is 'about' cheating women" is true. A 1 in 4 occurrence doesn't qualify.

Anonymous said...

8:49 is one of Ron's bitches....betcha. His comment sounds like the Ron attitude to me.

Anonymous said...

8:49, and you consider yourself a "nice, normal man? Ha! Anyone who cohorts with the likes of Ron doesn't have any room to talk. Seems to me that you need to go back to Ron's message boards and leave all this, that you really know nothing about, to those of us who do. In other words, QUIT TALKING OUT YOUR ASS!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ronald,
This is a WOMEN'S site. So why don't you stop getting your testosterone-soaked man-panties in a knot and scuttle on back to askmen, where you and the other little piggies who can't handle a mature relationship with a fellow human being can squeal about what entitled sub-intelligent bitches American women are, and leave these women alone? And yes, I fully agree with the poster who called you self-righteous. I would also add "conceited twit" to that description.

Anonymous said...

Ronald sounds alot like a guy I know. He's got ADD and conviniently forgot everything his wife tried to talk to him about over the years. When she left him and then 'cheated' on him (is it cheating after seperation?) it was naturally all her fault. He, of course, worked very hard to get her back but did not realize that she wasn't interested in going back, and did not respect her decision; thus, according to him, she did not even try to revive the marriage (which had long been dead to her). So he left the marriage thinking he was emotionally abused and ignored over the 2.5 years they were together, when exactly the opposite was the case. Nobody is as perfect as Ronald is trying to make himself sound, and that in itself is alarming. If he's so perfect, he should have realized things weren't working and left her for someone more his speed, and interested in his way of communicating (which isn't the kind I wouldn't be interested in, for sure). Anyone who starts a debate by itemizing their virtues is not someone I would want to talk to.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to think that even if Ronald was being condescending and irrational towards women on this forum (who apparently are old enough to be his mother), that they'd at least have enough command of their hard-earned "life experience" and "wisdom" to refrain from posting this sort of vitriol in response.

Never in my life would I expect these sorts of responses from people of this age, who tout their supposed maturity and well-adjusted worldviews.

You can disagree with him, but the fact that you're resorting to a string of ad-hominem attacks doesn't speak highly of some of you.

If what I'm saying makes you angry, then you're exactly the person I'm talking about.

And for the record, I'm a female... thoroughly in disgust with some of you who would sully my gender like this.

Anonymous said...

Just one little comment... Not hating, blaming, or viciously attacking...

If Ronald had simply read a reasonable number of confessions- some of which do contain references to cheating, but the majority of which have NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING UNFAITHFUL- he would have realized that it is unfair to make the statements he made about TWC. He either did not read enough of the posts or ignored the ones that didn't agree with his preconceived ideas, and therefore CANNOT SAY ANYTHING about this site with authority. This isn't about men vs. women or women vs. men, this is about a natural human dislike of being labelled without cause.