Thursday, November 09, 2006

True Wife Confession 114 STS

Confession #1131

Really, this is just getting ridiculous.

Let me make this clear: all grown-ups have to work. Just because you have a job does not mean you are special. Everyone has a job.

I know you have a hard job. This does not entitle you to ignore everyone at home and forget your son’s activities.

I love you. I love you very much and I’m so proud of you for getting such a great job.

But please don’t let it ruin our marriage.



Confession #1132

It makes me so angry when you take my ideas and pass them off as your own. You will also pick my brain for information and then parrot it back to me at a later date (or to someone else) and act like it was something you knew all along. Would it kill you to give me credit? I am not nearly as stupid as you like to imply that I am. Quit trying to tear me down, it will not work.

Confession #1133

Why are there so many unhappy wives?

Confession #1134

It's become apparent to me, that I will never be enough for you.
Not pretty enough,
not thin enough,
not young enough.

But mark my words, one day you will want me...and I will be sooo over you.


Confession #1135

I apologize to myself for having to pretend to have two or three orgasms every time. It wasn't enough to fake just one. Now I have to pull off multiples.At first It was enough for me to see YOU satisfied, but it has gotten old. I can't even begin to tell you because I can't imagine how you would react or what you would think! Maybe that's why I'm so tired all the time. I am NOT one of those blessed women that is able to cum over and over again. I am one of those poor unfortunate souls that has to pretend to enjoy making love to my husband.......

Confession #1136

To my friend's husband;

Just because your wife is not going to work, outside of your home, everyday,
does not mean she does not have a days worth of work!
You have a 7 week old son, who is nursing every few hours, needs to be changed, bathed, and well she sometimes just wants to cuddle with him.
So getting your bar finished and painting the laundry room and guests rooms, can fucking wait.
Enjoy your son, while he is a baby, and stopping worrying about your home renovations!

Confession #1137

You know I really hate the fact that you can’t do anything on your own.

Confession #1138


I'm so glad your family live the other side of the world. i get stressed listening to your selfish sister on the phone. i wish i could say something to her but i know it wouldn't do you any favours in your family.

i hate the fact that your sister is your parent's favourite. god knows why.


Confession #1139

When I say he is just my friend and I don't want him in that way it's a lie. If I weren't with you I would be all over him. I have so many men that would be knocking at my door if we weren't together yet I give you all my time, all my energy, all my love. And for what? You try to change me, to make me this perfect person. You want to mold me into what you want. Why are you even with me if I wasn't what you wanted? Did you figure the template was good enough for you to build on? You want me to think like you, eat like you, walk like you, talk like you. You are nowhere near perfect. You don't even visit your family. How can you say that your way is the right way? I am and will remain faithful, but I will not remain unhappy. Something has to change and soon. It's too bad that when we talk I can't tell you these things. Instead we argue. We go around in circles resolving nothing. I love you, but it's getting easier and easier to not like you. It's getting easier and easier to accept attention from other men even if it is just a compliment here and there. Shape up or it's gonna end.


Confession #1140

I can't remember the last time you smiled with genuine happiness. I can't remember the last time you and I had a fun time together. Last week when we went out for your birthday, after getting the babysitter and finally having some time together, we sat in the restaurant booth in mostly silence. I didn't enjoy my time with you at all. That makes me so incredibly sad. We used to be so in love that every stolen moment was magical. Now I just feel like the past 9 years of baggage, which just grows, and grows...will eventually tear us apart.

The mistakes you have made financially have made an anger grow inside me like you wouldn't believe. I've been busting my ass trying to pay off the enormous debts you've incurred by trying to start stupid "Get rich quick" schemes. Then you got over that phase and got an education. You graduate in March with your bachelor's degree and I am proud of that. But now that you've landed a job you finally love, you feel entitled to treat yourself. NO, you may not buy a convertible. You may be just starting out, but 35K a year is NOT the income that can afford a convertible. Not to mention the 50K in student loans we'll be paying off until we are almost retired. What in the hell makes you think you can buy a convertible, or a Harley, or a new big house? I shake my head in disbelief. Yet I am a bitch for always 'destroying your dreams'. Material dreams. I already told you we'd save (even though it's gonna hurt like a bitch) to get you a used Harley soon. I give in all the time for your new computer gadgets. Did you forget?

What about my dreams? They are simple. I don't care about money (even though I have saved our asses more times than I can count because I am sooooo much smarter about money)...I care about our kids and family. About being together and doing things that mean something, not going out and buying some nifty expensive materialistic crap. I want another baby so badly that it hurts, yet you care more about money and yourself than completing our family and enjoying it.

You are not the person I married. I married a sensitive, artistic, interesting, happy man who cried when he was happy or sad without worrying about who saw it. A strong man who was going to make it in the world with the woman he loved no matter what the past dealt him. Now you are a bitter, silent, brooding person who has suddenly become a 'victim' of your past. You NEED this materialistic stuff because you never had it in your childhood. Well, neither did I! The fact that we are becoming such different people is breaking my heart in two. I don't even know where to go from here...but to work and work to pay off our debts and try to raise my children to be strong and happy with the simple things in life. I can't say with certainty if we will make it. Even though I can still, through it all, see the man I fell madly in love with.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Free speech is free speech and you are all entitled to that but WTF? If you ladies don't love or at least like the man you are with than friging leave them! I don't understand why not just leave ladies? Can any of you answer that for me? Oh. .. wait a minute... I think I know now... You don't leave because of one thing M_O_N_E_Y

Anonymous said...

#1140 - I could have just about written that post. I feel exactly the same way you do and have put up with the same crap. If you are like me, you feel overwhelmed the majority of the time. I just wanted you to know that I sympathize. I have been there. I still am there.

Anonymous said...

1134: It's so true.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes Anon 11:27, it's just venting, that's all getting it off your chest here, and possibly avoiding an arguement with your spouse. Some of these women should leave, yes I agree. But some of us, its just theraputic venting.

You should never judge, because even though you may say to yourself, "Oh I would never..." you would be suprised and just how quickly that can change when you have your family, your livelihood at stake.

Anonymous said...

11.27 can you read? How many of these confessions tell stories of women working their asses off to help out husbands who don't have the qualifications, education or motivation to get a better paying job so the wife ends up carrying the load? There's a hell of a lot. I'm one, if I was on my won - even with the kids I'd be much better off financially, I stay with my husband because I love him, his earning power (or mine) has nothing to do with it. I earn more, I always have and always will, it hasn't been an issue in our relationship.

There's one on this very post. The time of the wife sticking around because she couldn't afford not to is long gone for most women and good f*cking riddance to it.

mex said...

1133

There are so many unhappy wives cuz most of us were raised on "Prince Charmin'" or Ward and June Cleaver.. I think it's just a mater of Growing Up..ifyougetwhatI'msayinghere.

Syb

Anonymous said...

anon12:51
You apparently have a holier than thou attitude with your "can you read" comment. If you are not happy do something about it you lazy ass bitch. Leave. Jump off a bridge. Whatever. Have you ever thought maybe your husband is staying with you purly out of obligation and he's really hoping you leave? With your attitude it's no wonder your unhappy, I think you LIKE being unhappy. Someone asks a question and off you go on a tangent. Do the world a favor

Anonymous said...

Easy now. Let's not go advocating suicide, no matter how insane the opinion.

Anonymous said...

Why are there so many unhappy wives? Well, some women 'settled' for a man they thought was 'right'for them. You know, the guy who looks great on paper but turns out to be a real @sshole. Others thought the guy actually loved them. Those guys can be pretty convincing! Some men were really good at hiding their true selves from us before the marriage. Who would have thought he was a closet porn addict? Who in their right mind would sign up to marry a lazy, arrogant, alcoholic man who is a chronic abuser? Some us simply didn't realise what we were getting ourselves into. I don't care if you're married to Fabio, there are going to be times when you want to crack his head open for not putting the toilet seat down.

Oh yeah, sure we can leave. You try raising two or three kids on minimum wage by yourself. I'm sure it's loads of fun. Maybe if you offered us a place to stay or a better paying job or free child care we COULD leave. We can't right now. We're trapped.

This is our place to vent about the little things and the big things that irritate us. You don't like it, feel free to leave.

Chelle said...

wow....i just found this blog. Awesome. So many can relate, obviously. I definitely can! Hell, I could have written 90% of it. Just curious why so many people comment here anonymously though. It's nice to come here and realize that we are not alone in feeling this way.

Mitzi Green said...

anon 11:27--oh, it's not just money. if you've never been to court and held your tongue and tried to show no emotion while some psycho SOB sat on the stand and lied out his ass just to get back at you for leaving him and wounding his pride--well, you just ain't lived, hon! if you've never had someone tell you that if you leave them, they will kill you and EAT THE EVIDENCE (i.e., you), you don't know what you're missing. and by the way, if you think the courts, the cops, or anyone else in this country is sympathetic to the plight of someone who has tried to make a clean break--you are so, so wrong.

1133--i have wondered the same thing. and i think i just gave the answer. i used to think women who put up with that crap deserved whatever they got if they wouldn't leave. oh, how i've eaten my words. i think a better question is--why doesn't our society and legal system HELP women who want to stop being unhappy wives, instead of making it damned near impossible to get out of a bad situation short of leaving it in a body bag?

Anonymous said...

#1140...ALL of you...for Pete's sake, if you are having these kinds of problems in your marriages DON'T HAVE ANY MORE KIDS WITH THE MAN. Not until the problems are worked out.

Anonymous said...

11:27 Honestly I moved to the armpit of the world for my husband. No I am not happy 100% of the time and if I left him and moved away I could get back my old job and make twice what he does BUT I love him and our family together and there isn't enough money in the world to take that away. Yeah I get ticked and need to vent on him every so often and yes I have had thoughts of leaving but then I wake up in the morning next to my husband and know that no one in this world loves me the way he does. And I will never love someone as much as I love (and I am very much IN love with) my husband.

Now I have a friend that NEEDS to leave her BF and should have 5 years ago but doesn't. Why doesn't she I don't know and probably will never know BUT that is her thing to deal with. I know she doesn't love him and I know he doesn't give a dime towards the family bills (they live together with their child) but she is more worried about how her almost 9 yr old would react to her leaving him then anything.

Not everything is clear and precise on why people do what they do and people like you need to get a clue and realize that. Don't judge what you don't truly know.

Dayngr said...

1132 - Right?! Isn't that utterly annoying. I limke to think that maybe he just has no memory and forgets I've already told him.

1133 - Because we're married - LOL

1134 - Why wait?

1135 - You're cheating yourself out of having good sex. Communicate and you'll get what it is you really want.

Anonymous said...

Love...or trapped. The kids are grown I'm the bread winner and he retreats in to a seperate bedroom. Every time I get ready to walk he has a life threatening disease or accident.
Over 28 years...trapped for the last 15 with a man that won't wear deoterant,shower before bed or care for his teeth. LOve life??he seems confussed that he can't have one.
Holidays ruined unless I suck it up and put up with the childish behavior.I know I'm not alone ...it just feels like it.

Anonymous said...

Everyone has a story to tell and nobody should silence us. I find very disturbing that certain men are using this blog to insult women who need to vent to each other. They use that right of bashing women in their own circle of men friends and we don't interfere. I know there are always two versions of the story in every relationship but this is our version and, hey, we can say whatever we want. Stop shutting us up! We are just survivors, just like you guys, just different needs.

Anonymous said...

unfortuantely, money sometimes does play a role. It is a patriarchal society and womens' work is not valued as mens', i"m sorry to get all feminist and bra burning on you, but feel it's the acknowledgment of a simple fact. Other reasons for staying in relations that have soured include cultural - hey you know what I can't leave my husband because ,y parents may disown and never aknowledge my existence. still other reasons include hope - things may change, get better, or it"s not a bad as it use to be. My thing is to never judge, I'm in a crappy situation as well - as much as i love my husband - and don't get me wrong, i love him very much...i love him so much that i married him despite some very glaring flaws - uummmm sex less than once per week, sometimes only once per month, and I'm pretty damn hot, smart, and men want me. that's it actually, that's my problem. my husband is nice, sociable, good looking, we have money, i'm doing my masters, i have my dream job - but his fucken dick won't work worth shit. if it's actually working, then you know whatit's nt enjoyable, it's what i called funeral sex...shhh, shhhh, shhhh don't say anything

Anonymous said...

Have you ever felt like you wanted to be able to harness another woman's courage and sexual liberation? I read The Lost Daughter by Daralyse Lyons and felt like the mother's story mirrored my own except that she had the strength to leave her "Mr. Vanilla", boring and unfulfilling man. I haven't. I keep rereading the book and wishing I were more like this character and less like myself.

Anonymous said...

Wow, so glad I found this site. I. like so many of you, am so unhappy. We have 2 kids, and I hate to say it, but I am staying because of money. I have none. I can't even rent a place right now, because I don't have a job. I am almost finished school, and hopefully will have a job in the next few months, and that's when I plan to leave. If I can. I don't know why it's so hard! It just is. Really, I find it hard living here with him. I dream about being on my own, independent, single, making my own decisions, not answering to him etc... Why can't I just leave? The answer is ...money. So, once I am finally making my own money, there won't be any more excuses.

Anonymous said...

So true....even in some marriages some women look for growth from there husbands after so long. Yet finding themselves changing to their husbands lifestyle to find some common ground. Which rarely works, an sometimes cause more damage than good.

Anonymous said...

I've been married to my husband for 14 years, we have 3 beautiful children together. Unfortunately they've seen our arguments, which are usually about his inability to act like a grown @$$ adult. Any time we disagree about anything his favorite thing to do is turn it around so that it's my fault. Whether it is or isn't. Tonight, he "went out with the boys" didn't answer when I called or when I texted. When he got home it was "I left my phone in the car". He had it with him when he texted me a few hours before. Then it was, "Oh I hadit on the car charger". So you left the keys in the car to drain the bbattery just so you could charge the phone? God just admit you were ignoring "the nagging wife" for a good laugh with your boys. Don't lie to me! I hate when you lie!!!! Then you want to say things like "oh it's always all my fault. you're perfect, you never do anything wrong". Tell me one instance, just one where I claimed to be perfect?? Never! I've made some seriously big mistakes in my life, SERIOUSLY BIG, we both know it. The only difference is that I actually own up to mine and don't try to pawn them off on you! Some days I'd like nothing more than to walk out that door and never look back, but then I remember all of the sacrifices you've made for me and our children and I tell myself I have to stick it out....because even when I'm so mad at you I could crack your skull like a walnut I am still very much in love with you...idiot.