Wednesday, September 27, 2006

True Wife Confessions 82 - The # of games in a regular NHL season (for you, Nancy!)

Confession #811

I'm not positive that I want you for anything more than sex. I have pondered it, and even with our past as a teacher I think there's a good chance we could work as a pair. I'm not obsessing about it this time. If we try to force it, it won't happen. Neither of us can be forced. I can be patient and I know you can too. I admire you, respect you, and even find your "bad" traits endearing. I've never said it out loud, because there's so much bullshit surrounding this stupid word, but I fucking love you (too.) Just for being you. It's never been extremely passionate, but you've always remained on my brain. I just didn't think we'd get this chance again so I moved on. Maybe we won't actually get the chance, and that's fine, but I'm glad we're at least talking. I've never enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoy talking to you. We really get each other and I think we compliment each other in all the right ways. If we end up doing it, we have to do it right this time. I don't want to wonder what could've been anymore. Lets not fuck it up again.

Confession #812

I honestly feel like you have ruined my life. I refer to "my old life" before you, when I actually felt alive and successful. You have made me a worthless failure. I know that I will be a nobody as long as I stay with you. I knew that when I married you. I keep hoping you will change and thank my some day.

Confession #813

You are 9 days away from losing me. I'm not kidding. If you haven't called in 9 more days, you can go find yourself a new best friend. I understand that you are busy and I understand that you work weird hours. But it's been 8 days since I saw you and 6 days since you ended a 5 minute conversation with "I'll call you back." I'm tired of being the one who makes the effort and I'm tired of being taken for granted. We've had this fight before and I've looked past it. But no more. It's going to take way more than a funny comment or a great day spent together to get me back in your life if you screw this up. In 9 days I will begin the progress of getting over the last three years. It'll be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I will do it. It's your call.

Confession #814

Today you brought up your idea of us going away for an extended weekend. At first I thought that maybe you wanted to do this so we can reconnect, knowing how troubled our marriage has become lately. However, the fact that you started to bitch and complain as soon as I oh-so-gently brought up that a seven hour drive to go somewhere for a short weekend (while leaving our toddler for the first time in a very long time), may not be such a great idea for such a short stay, made me not even want to do this. The fact that you sound and act like a child whenever you don't get your way, while lacking all sense of logic, makes me resent and loathe you even more. The truth is, I don't think going anywhere with you is gonna help this shitty relationship. We could go to Mars and you'd still be a dick.

Confession #815

The umpteenth night you wet the bed, I told you: if you didn't at least step to with at least 30 minutes of physical contact a night to compensate for your general alcoholic neglect of my feelings, I was going to have an affair. You vowed to change, but then you had a stressful evening and I was sure your efforts were doomed. I prayed to God that you would at least not be hateful to me, even if you were going to drink yourself into oblivion. You surprised me by mastering your frustrations without drinking that night, and now you've been relatively sober and way more considerate than usual for a whole week. It is so, so pleasant not to be pissed off at you and to think we might get through the rest of our married life without hating each other after all ... please, please keep with it.

But I am kind of sorry I don't have an excuse now for the affair. Oh well. It would have been hot, too.

Confession #816

You are a perfectly nice person, but I do not love you. I want to leave but you are making this very hard for me. We do nothing but fight because we are completely different people with different goals in life. Please stop trying to fix this relationship and let me go. It is the best thing for us and we both know it. I feel so guilty about leaving when you are trying so hard to fix things that can never be fixed. I am tired of sacrificing everything that I want and hold dear for you and not getting much in return. It is just part of your nature and I accept it. But I can't live with it anymore. And I am not going to try to change you because the effort is futile. And you should realize that applies to me too. We are both simply too set in our ways. For once in your life please concede the battle and let it go. Acknowledge that we made a mistake and move on.

Confession #817

I am jealous of you. It makes me sick that you only have a high school
diploma and make more money than me while I worked my butt off for 4 years
in college and can't find a decent paying job. I love that you are able to
support us and our son, but inside it makes me cry that my degree might as
well be a GED because the job market in our town sucks. And I know you are
as dissapointed in me as I am even though you have never said it directly.
I'm sorry I lash out at you, it is my self defense for my very low self
esteem. I have gained 100 lbs since we got married and you deserve better
than a fat wife who can't even get a job to pay off her own student loans.
I love you so much and pray that you will never get tired of putting up with
me.


Confession #818

We've been married for 18 years, that have mostly been great. You are the only man I've ever been with, and I felt like we would always be together.

But guess what I just found out? My last pap smear revealed that I have HPV. How on earth does a woman with one sexual partner for 18 years suddenly get HPV? I can only think of one way, you fucking cheater.

Confession #819

To my ex-husband,
I promised you that if I was ever ready to introduce another man into our children's lives I would inform you. Well consider your self informed. While I am at it let me inform you about a few other things. I have been dating him for three months and sleeping with him for two months. In that time he has given me more orgasms than you did in the entire 10 years we were together. He loves to have sex with me and can't keep his hands off me. Remember how you only wanted sex once every two weeks and then it only lasted like 5 minutes? He wants me all the time. I have finally met my match! He can't believe how Say I am to please. Let's face it. You are not a very tough act to follow. He's tall. Very tall. I can wear my highest heels and he still has to bend over to kiss me. I love that. Remember how I had to wear flat slippers and make sure my veil did not pouf up over my head at our wedding so I wouldn't tower over you. I never minded your height, or lack thereof. I minded that I was made to feel like "Lurch" as you kindly put it. 5'10" is not "freakishly tall" for a woman.

I wanted to laugh in your face last month when you accused me of being jealous of your girlfriend. I actually don't have a problem with her. I am, of course, concerned about anyone who is spending time with my children and I did not think it was appropriate for you to bring her to Parents' Night at our daughter's school but I am not jealous. Why would I be? That poor girl has a lot of disappointment coming her way. I know why she is so crazy about you. I felt that way myself once. You put on a really good show in the beginning. But one of these days she is going to reach for you in the night and you will push her away and say "get off me. I don't want that right now." And then you will do it again and again and again until next thing she knows she will be grateful for any kind of affection you are willing to throw her way. One of these days she will not be feeling well and she will leave some dishes in the sink or will forget and use the wrong kind of rice and you will flip out and tell her she is a lousy girlfriend or wife or whatever. I hope for her sake she is smarter than I was.

You will meet my new man soon enough. You are going to hate him. You always hate people who make you look bad by being better at things than you are. I don't have words for how much better he is at making me happy.

Confession #820

Don't lie to me. Don't offer to get the kids up and take them to
school at some nebulous time in the future and then tell me no when I
ask you to do it. You wonder why I never think to ask for your help?
Because when I do, you either have something else planned or you're too
tired.
Hello? I have twice as many credit hours this semester as you do. Not
only that, but I work. You don't. I know, it was my idea for you to
take your first semester off work so you could concentrate on school,
but I really thought you would help out a little more around the house.
(Shows what I get for thinking, huh?)
If I say I'm depressed, don't act like its all in my head. Don't tell
me 'well, don't'. If it gets bad enough that I'm telling you, I'm not
looking for sympathy- I'm warning you to watch it, because every time I
get this way, I get one step closer to kicking you out. I could do it
on my own. You and I both know I could. You need me. I don't need
you. You're only still here because I choose to keep you around.
Today, I'm wondering why.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

818:
were you your husbands 1st too or was he with other people before you were married? If he was, he's not necessarily a cheater. You could have had HPV for a very long time and not know it because it doesn't always produce symptoms. Who knows why it did now, the immune system is a very funny thing. HPV is the most prevalent STD there is. A lot of people don't even know they have it. I got it from the first person i was with, and to this day, that person shows no symptoms. I'm not saying he didnt cheat, i have no idea, I am just telling you that A does not necessarily equal B. It felt like my whole world crashed when i found out, but I've known for 8 years now, and really, its not that bad. Just make sure you get your pap smears regularly. Its very important because if there was no HPV, cervical cancer would be basically nonexistant. Good luck to you.

Anonymous said...

818...I had HPV before I was sexually active. I had my specialist surmise that perhaps somewhere along the way a doc had used not so sterilized equipment for one of my internals (which I had regularly because everyone in my family has had uterine cancer in their 20's). Not so sterilized equipment? NICE.

Anonymous said...

wow 1:32 thats awful!!

Mitzi Green said...

818--HPV can also be passed from mother to daughter during childbirth. nice, huh?

Stacy said...

#818

I'm an RN who's worked in sexual health for a long time. Don't automatically blame your husband for the HPV. It's so easy to get HPV. There's a cloister of nuns who have HPV - and none of them have had sexual contact with anyone. You could have sat on a toilet seat after someone who was infected. There's a surprisingly large number of infected people. There's over a hundred strains and only half cause any symptoms.

Talk to your husband before you assume he's guilty. :)

Anonymous said...

818 I have no medical knowledge on this subject and I can't say these ladies are right, but it sounds to me like they know what they are talking about. I hope you find out that your husband is not at fault. I also think that you should have a word with your doctor. If it turns out that your husband is innocent or guilty your doctor should have given you more information on how HPV is transmitted. If these ladies are right then you were not given important information. I hope everything turns out well for you and your husband (if he deserves it.)

Anonymous said...

818- HPV made me thing the same thing, then I researched it and it you can get it in sooooo many different ways... talk to the spouse and doc....

Anonymous said...

HPV is not the end of the world, although I felt like it was when i found out I had it. But 2.5 years later and I haven't had another outbreak.
Doing some google research will tell you that it seems to be the most catchable STD. You can catch it from the most innocent of places or situations.
I hope that things between you and your husband work out and that you are both able to find out where it came from.

Anonymous said...

815 - I feel ya, honey! Alcoholics suck! They give you hope and then they take it away. I hope yours is one of the few to get his shit together. I really do. But if he doesn't. Dump his ass. I was marrried to a horrible alcoholic, dumped him when the kids were 10 months and 3 years old. It's tough, but it's WAAAAAAY better than it would've been had I stayed.

819 - Good for you! :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the reassurances on HPV, everyone. I feel a lot better now.

Anonymous said...

Saving sanity AND MARRIAGES - one confession at a time! Way to go, TWC!

Anonymous said...

#822 Actually, your husband would probably like you to stick your finger in his butthole while you're giving him a blowjob. He is probably trying to tell you without actually saying it. Just think about it: Most people touch, lick, bite, caress, and/or etc. their partner the way they would actually like to be touched, licked, bit, caressed, and/or etc.

It might just be what he's been begging for all along!!!

Anonymous said...

Oops...I put my post in the wrong section...what an idiot!!!

3:39pm

Nancy said...

Aww, a TWC dedication. Thank you, Dawn -- I am verklempt.

#813: good luck. I hope you don't have to wait that full nine days.

Anonymous said...

HPV is not a big deal, although it seems that way when you first contract it. 75% of people in north america will get it at least once. HPV is a virus, and therefor if your immune system is strong enough, your body can simply get rid of it. Most people clear the infection in under a year, and hav no reoccurances. Good luck to everyone and remeber that HPV is not the end of the world, and remeber...at least its not HIV or Herpes!