Wednesday, September 20, 2006

True Wife Confessions 77 Talking Heads

Confession #761

I truly forget how much I love you until I pick a fight with you and you sit down with me and have that earnest look on your face, and you talk to me until we are right again. You are one of the best people I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have you. I love you more than anything, and I thought I should say that publicly.

Confession #762

I am not an angry wife, but rather a daughter speaking up for an angry wife/mother. My mother is the strongest person I know! She puts up with my dad’s shit, day after day. Everyone around us sees it, but they just don’t understand why we stay. Everyday he cuts her down emotional. We both know about all the times his cheated on her, yes that’s plural, but yet he still lives with us. She just doesn’t want to leave him alone. She doesn’t want to be the last person to see the good in him. She doesn’t want him to be left without love; she is just that amazing.

We deal with him when he is drunk and passed out on the couch, or when he has had too many shots and is breaking things and trying to beat up neighbors and family. Or when he is cussing us out because we forgot to turn the air conditioning on.

Alcohol is his weakness, and everyday he falls to the glass bottle. He has mentally and physically tried to break everyone around him down. His whole family is mad at him. He doesn’t have any true friends. All he has is my mom and I, and he knows that one day he won’t even have us. But I tell him what if that one day is today? And he just smiles and has then so be it; he won’t change for his family and he won’t change for himself…

She tells me one day we will leave, but the past few months have been so hard on her… and I just can’t stand watching him treat her like dirt anymore. One day we will leave, then, hopefully, he’ll realize what he lost and how many chances we gave him to go to rehab.

Written by a concerned 15 year old daughter

Confession #763

I know I'm hormonal and crabby. I know you don't like being around me when I'm like this. Hell, *I* don't like being around me when I'm like this! But, if you'd just put your arms around me, hold me at night, play with my hair or neck, kiss me without my having to beg, it'd go a long way to cheering me up. The more I have to coax for affection, the bitchier I am.

And after a fight, when I've apologized, please touch me. Or speak to me. Don't sit there, tense and silent, for an hour and then pretend nothing happened. I know I pissed you off. I know I yelled for little or no reason. I know I'm being unreasonable and tempermental. And I'm sorry for it. And I love you. Can we make up (or out) a little now?

Confession #764

To my Ex-Husband:

Oh, and one more thing. Before we were married, I cheated on you - with a woman. And she did things to me that you never would. Or could.

Confession #765

It tears me up inside to hear you get so down on yourself about your weight. I love you so much, and I married you for YOU, not for your waist size. I see how hard you work out every day, and it shows in the breadth of your shoulders and the definition in your biceps, which turns me on more than I can say.

I wish I could talk to you about your body issues, wish that you didn't shut down and start badmouthing yourself. I don't care about the extra pounds. I want you to be happy, and want you to stop thinking about your body flaws when we have sex. I've tried to do all I can to reassure you, and to SHOW you how much you turn me on. But sometimes I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. In the past few months I've been the only one to initiate sex, and I'm starting to feel like you don't desire me. I love you, baby, but I feel so lonely without your touch.

Confession #766

I love you very much. But you're lousy in bed. I'm glad we haven't had sex this year because at least I haven't had to wake up with you on top of me. It interrupts my sleep and gives me nothing, I mean nothing, back. Except the knowledge that I'm pleasing you, but you don't even come any more, so I'm not pleasing you that much.

I know you don't like the things I like in bed. I am really sorry that I am turned on by things that don't excite you in the slightest. At least I don't even get horny any more. It's a relief, actually.

I just wonder if I"m going to spend the next half century without sex. My life expectancy is something like 92, so ... wow. That's a long time without sex.

Good thing I'm not horny.

Confession #767

I am really , really tired of you doing what ever you want; whenever you want to do it!! When I have plans…. I need to inform you days in advance… Then I get to hear you bitch about it!!! All I get when you have plans is a phone call 5 min. before you leave!!! Also…. You're right you never take me anywhere!!! YES I said it!!! You selfish scab!!

Confession #768

Before I left you, I documented your extensive porn collection - all the videos, the computer games, the magazines, the books, and the internet photos. If you bring try to bring up the matter of an annulment again, I plan to bring my photo documentation to the hearing. You pride yourself on maintaining your upstanding, proper appearance before your family and friends - I'd just love to see what they think of the real you.

Confession #769

You are really great. You were supportive and encouraging when I was in school to get my RN. You held my hand and encouraged me when I was studying for boards. You reassured me while I was waiting for the results. You celebrated with me when I passed. You actively participated in our wedding planning, and I'll adore you forever for wearing tights just because I wanted a renaissance wedding. You looked awesome in them, too. You made all my dreams come true. When we went through the hell of infertility treatments you were always there, even though you were hurting too. When we finally did get pregnant, you were even better. We both made some decisions about the experience that we regretted, but we learned from them together. When our baby was born, you were there with me. We both got pushed around by the doctor and the hospital routines, and while I wish someone would have saved me, I know we didn't know enough then, but we do now. You were awesome, just awesome to take so much time off work to be home and help me while I was recovering. Yeah, you slept pretty soundly, but once you were awake, you always brought the baby to me. Every time I needed something you were there. Yeah, we didn't eat gourmet food that first month, but nobody starved or died of thirst. You may not have cleaned like I wished, but we always had clean clothes and clean diapers. You always supported me with breastfeeding, and never once did I hear "Oh, just give him formula!" like a lot of new dads say. Even when it was really, really hard, you and I were on the same side. You took me to my meetings and really supported me even when I know you didn't understand why it was so important. Best of all, every crackpot weird idea I had about parenting in the early days, you were willing to at least give it a shot and see how it worked out. When I had to go back to work, you took amazing, awesome care of our son. I was miserable, and I missed him so much, but never once did I have to worry about whether he was getting good care or not. You were more patient with him than I was, and I'll love you for that forever. When we realized that it wasn't working out for any of us, you were creative and found a way to let me stay home with him. I was amazingly grateful for that then. Now that we're having trouble again getting pregnant, I'm even more grateful, because this might be my only chance to be here for these baby years, and because of you, I get to do it. I know that neither of us expected the way our lives would change after we had a baby, and we both miss the way things used to be sometimes, but I never get any grief from you because of it. I know you'd like sex more, but you accomodate the changes that we've had to make with humor and grace. Thank you. Even though you do a few things that get on my very last nerve (yeah, I've got some other confessions on here, I admit it) I know that I'm the luckiest woman alive. I hope you read this one, and know it's for you.

Confession #770

Contrary to what you believed, I did NOT hate sex - I just hated having sex with YOU. You spent all your free time downloading porn, then expected me to behave like those vacuous, airbrushed women you spent so much time with. Well, guess what, you prick? Real women expect to be treated with some consideration, not as just a body for you to enact your fantasies on. You expected me to go down on you EVERY SINGLE TIME, but you didn't want to do the same to me. I tried to teach you how to pleasure me, but you had no interest in that. You are the most selfish lover I have ever had. I gave myself more orgasms in the shower than you ever did during our entire 11-year marriage.

Oh, and by the way...I am now with a man who is the polar opposite of you in bed. To him, foreplay is more than rolling over and tweaking my nipples, expecting that to get me in the mood. And unlike you, he makes sure I come every time.


Girlplustwo said...

sweet 762. what a brave woman you are. there are people who can help you and your mom in this world - it might just take some looking around and more of that courage you obviously have.

Anonymous said...

767-I feel your pain, my hubby is exactly the same way. I have to tell him my plans weeks in advance while he runs out the door when he pleases and often interrupts my plans for his last minute activities. It really pisses me off.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...


That just breaks my heart. Bless you for caring soooo much about your mom. You are both so brave and one day your father will see what he did and will realize that it's his fault. Just don't let his faults shape the person you become, although, judging from your post, it appears that will never happen.

Anonymous said...

am I the only one who doesn't read the nice ones?

Kris said...

Nope 1:47, I specifically look for the nice ones.


Julie said...

I read the nice ones, but my eyes start to glaze over during the long ones.

Anonymous said...

767, I think you are me. Even when I want to go get my nails done or get a haircut, I have to check for weeks in advance because so much of what we do are his plans. When I speak up to say I want to do something, he doesn't act aggravated or anything, but he does get real quiet, like my doing something I feel like doing is putting him out. He can go golfing or bowling whenever, but if I want to go to a writer's meeting or a book fair, it's a damn process just to get out the door. Then he complains that I shove my plans down his throat. I HAVE to in order to get to even fulfill my plans!

Anonymous said...

#762 - you're not alone. Check out

Anonymous said...

to 1:47... I'm with you... don't read the nice ones, or just skim over them. But to #762: Honey you have to talk to your Mom about getting out -- if not, you need to get yourself prepared for a better life than you mother chose for herself. You can do it. We'll be thinking about you, little sister. Contrary to what you see here, there are A LOT of wonderful men out there. Not to diss this site, I love it, it's just not the correct measure of good V. bad marriages. I just don't want you to come to this site and get a wrong impression on marriage because you've got enough of that at home. God bless. Stay strong.