Wednesday, September 13, 2006

True Wife Confessions 72 - the average # of heartbeats in a resting adult

Confession #711

I have not liked you for some time now, and I have never loved you. But I never thought I would hate you.

Last month when my grandfather died (you know that old man that practically raised me?) you were such an insensitive jerk that I wanted to hurt you as much as you were hurting me. When I found out that he died, all you said was "that's too bad" and went back to your video game. When I was on the phone trying to get a plane ticket home, you asked me where dinner was. When I asked if you would go with me you said "I have no reason to, besides I could not go on my trip to Australia next week if I went with you". When I got there, you called the day of the funeral because the air conditioning had gone out and you wanted me to get it fixed (from 1100 miles away). All I wanted to do was break down and cry, but I couldn't because there was too much to do with the trip back and planning the funeral. And the person that should have been giving me support was not there and was adding to my burdens. Do you know where I got the support that I needed? Not from you, I got it from my friend (you know that guy that you don't want me talking to because you think that I am having an affair with him?). He took the day off of work to go to the funeral with me so that I did not have to be alone. Well, FYI, I am not and never have been "in love" with him but you bet your sorry ass that I love him. Which is something that you have never been able to tell the difference between. See, love can be completely platonic, it does not have to involve sex. Sometimes the people who actually love and support you most are not you lovers. I wish he and I could love each other that way, but we can't and perhaps it is for the best.

Maybe if you understood what love really is, you would not be such a jerk and I would not want to poison your potatoes when I make dinner every night.


Confession #712

Remember when you told me that I was worthless, and no man would ever want me because I had a child? I smile every time our daughter calls my husband “daddy”, the man who’s been raising her for the past ten years, and she then calls YOU by your first name. Your DNA didn’t give her love, put food on the table, or clothes on her back. HE did. Remember when you said I was fat and ugly, even when I was so thin (from trying to please you) that my family became worried about my health? Isn’t it a wonder that I still have a healthy shape and receive compliments about my looks from men, while YOU married the fat whore you cheated on me with? Too bad she’s added at least 80 pounds more to her already huge frame since you two sloths wed. Remember when you told me I was stupid and would never accomplish anything? I delight in the fact that I am now a successful college graduate who makes three times as much money as you do, while you attempt to conceal the fact that you’re a high school dropout living with your in-laws because you can’t even keep a steady job. You tried to break my spirit so I’d stay chained to you for life, but all you did was point me straight to the wonderful man who really deserves me. I hope you kick yourself every day for treating me like shit and losing the best thing you ever had. It sucks to see me and your daughter happy, doesn’t it? Loser.

Confession #713

To my husband:

I know you don't love me like I love you. It's not your fault, you're older than me and you already had your one true love and for whatever reason, you let her go. I know you settled with me because I was there at the right time and now you're regretting it (even if you don't realise it yet).

I'm quite happy to wait until you grow to love me. I just wish you would hurry. I need a husband, not a housemate.

Your loving wife.

Confession #714

I love you so much, but sometimes you don't realize just how much your silence hurts me. I went on a four day trip that you fully supported. However, when I tried to check in with you by calling your cel phone, you were always too busy to talk to me. You always said you would "call me later." You never seemed to find time to get back to me. I know we have three kids that you were in charge of in my absence, but two of them are teenagers. I think they would have had plenty of time to help out if you simply would have asked them. Whatever it was that you were too busy doing...it certainly wasn't cleaning the house. The house looks like a cyclone hit it.

Now that I'm back home, it seems like you missed me. But at the time, while I was away, it was almost like I was "out of sight and out of mind." I hope if I ever travel apart from the family again, you can at least find a few minutes to chat with me while I'm away. That really hurt my feelings.



Confession #715

It's time for you to be a fucking man and support your family. I've been doing it for the past ten years, so I am well aware of the pressure and stress. Now that I am not working, you mope and sulk around the house sighing at everything. When I tell you how much things really cost, you flip out and say "You NEVER told me! You always just took care of it!"

Well. No, shit. I know. Welcome to the big boy world.

Confession #716

I don't love you....never have and never will. I tolerate you. I will divorce you.

Confession #717

Please stop telling me how paranoid I am when it comes to our children. I am their mother and stepmother and I will always try to protect them. Just because you don't think something is dirty and it's ok for our 7 month old to put it in her mouth, does not mean that is true. Where do you think her 2 stomach viruses have come from, virus faries???? I do not need you to tell me I am paranoid. I realize that enough on my own, but, you know what, I am a mother and that is just part of the bargain. Tell me I'm doing things right and that our children will grow up to be wonderful, productive and happy people. Stop pointing out the things you think I am doing wrong. Please.

Confession #718

I think it's weird that you don't like porn. I also think it's weird that you don't like blow jobs. What man doesn't like BJ's?
It's not me either. Because I'm good. I know. My ex told me so every time.
You're weird.

Confession #719

Shit. it's like I'am not here you are a asshole. Fuck you I got LAY-OFF
\but so what you are my HUSBAND. I COOK CLEAN take care of 3 kid
(give it to you lke you want it). your nice to the world but not to your WIFE. What"s that about how can you help someone else and not me ok I smoke and you don"t I need gas for the car and you say O I dont have any cash that"s bullshit right now in I"am school I help with everything in this house all bill I do. I see life with but all I can tell the children is
I tried to work it out with your dad. Fool I'am not one of your kids
you do not have to give me shit because when I get a JOB you will wish you had give me money how can you have money problems
and you broke you work 12 HOURS a day I love but hate you

Confession #720

I am jealous of my friend who is divorced. I wish I had the nerve to move out on my own with our daughter. I don't hate you but I don't love you either. I probably never did, I was just too young, stupid and desperate to realize it. The sad part is that a lot of women would be happy being married to you, but I'm not.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thx Dawn, for another great 10 reads. I just happened to be making my daily clicks on the Interweb (late in the day for me), and you uploaded!! YAY. Lucky me:)

I admire you for never "begging for blog contributions." You don't go to other sites and panhandle for visitors to this blog. You are the Real Deal.

How did the interview go? How much will you get for charity?

At the risk or repetition, I think this should be republished. There are a ton of ways to Stay Married. And, below is one easy and safe way to do so.

I heard on Oprah, Nobody Can "complete you." We complete ourselves. Stay Married except in Worst Case Scenarios. It is a vow. A vow. A promise.

Here is a Easy Solution to a Lackluster Marriage:

(my repaste)

Just shoot him the bird behind his back. I do it all the time. Sometimes I will throw the birdi up to his "special chair" (you know the one, the dead man's chair, the recliner.) Or put his right hand (the remote control) in a sticky -spilled- Coke. Remove the excess liquid. Then when he next uses it (the second he gets in from work), he will have to get up and wash his paws. Or, if he has his own laptop, put a little honey close to the mouse, and while you're at it, drop some crumbs in the keyboard. Add extra crumbs over the lettters "A," "S."

Anonymous said...

712 - success truly is the best revenge, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

My husband doesn't like blow jobs. Neither does my best friend's husband. They'd rather be having "real" sex. I don't find that abnormal.

Anonymous said...

7:11, I am sorry about your grandfather. I hope you found some support. Every day gets better and memories last forever.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm a wife and I'm not saying this to be snarky. I just want clarification on something.

Many of you say you dislike your husbands. The marriage is pretty much over. You are just biding your time.

So, why do you still wait on these men? Why do you cook them dinner every single night? Why do you do their laundry? Why do you fetch their beers?

Unless he is an abusive asshole who would do serious physical harm to you, why do you do it? Why not just feed you and the kids before he gets home and tell him to make his own damn dinner?

I just don't understand how women of our generation still have to wait on the men of our generation. That's what our mothers and grandmothers HAD to do because they had no choice. We have choices. We live in a modern world where men and women in marriage are supposed to be equals.

I know, it's hard for me to judge because I haven't "been there." I just know how I am. If I had to make my man dinner every night, we'd be eating peanut butter sandwiches. By 5pm I'm wrecked from work and the kids.

Or how about just make peanut butter sandwiches each night until he learns to make a meal? If he grows hungry long enough, maybe he'd actually get off his ass and DO SOMETHING to help out.

Please enlighten me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Enlighten me too.

Anonymous said...

me too

Anonymous said...

If a man doesn't like blow jobs it's because most women can't give them successfully. Men who want "real sex" want to be able to get off the way they know how. My husband said that he didn't like them either until I took the time to find out how he liked them. Now that's one of the easiest ways to satisfy him. It takes more than making your lips into an 'O' and rocking your head up and down, lazy Ladies!

Anonymous said...

#711 - I am very sorry about your grandfather. I understand how you felt. My confessions were posted a while back (I don't remember the #)but I confessed about how much respect I lost for my husband (now my ex) when he failed to support me during my father's terminal illness.

When I got off the phone with my Dad the night he told me he had inoperable lung cancer my husband gave me a quick hug, a pat on the back, and said "If anyone can beat this, it's your Dad. Now I gotta go. The Guys are waiting for me." He was on his way to a ball game with his friends. We were 400 miles away from all of my family, I had no one nearby who could comfort me but a three-year-old and a 20 month old, and I did not want to upset them so I couldn't even have a good cry for another hour until I had them in bed. Oh, and lets not forget that it was my birthday. My poor Dad tried so hard not to give me that news on my birthday, but he couldn't let the day go by without calling me and I pressed him to tell me if he had his test results yet.

Don't even get me started on how my ex left me while my father was on his deathbed or how he verbally attacked me and left me an hysterical mess just a couple of hours before Dad's wake. Then he had the nerve to blame the attack on his frustration over the fact that no one was recognizing his grief over my father's death and he was not given the same respect as a family member of the deseased as my brother-in-law (who stayed by my sister's side and supported her through the entire horrible ordeal, BTW.)

The right thing seems so obvious, but some people wouldn't know what to do if it was tattooed on the insides of their eyelids.

Anonymous said...

AS one of the women who posted regarding their husbands not liking BJ's...I take mild, humerous offense. I give great ones. I've asked my gay males friends and gotten new tips...and all my former boyfriends loved them.

Believe me. I'm not bobbing for apples here. I got technique.

Anonymous said...

I'm #718. I'm good. Really. Really good. Not lazy. I too have technique.
Can we just all accept the fact that my husband is weird?

sybil said...

#712 -
beautiful.

#718 & 5:08 -

I really needed that laugh tonight. #718, your husband is weird. Really weird. Freak of nature. At least you have technique.

Julie said...

For the non-BJ hubbies, my own hubby suggests maybe it is because they feel bad? Like, "this is precious sexual investment and poor wifey's not getting off at all." Or, they associate blowjobs with more anonymous, casual, non-spiritual escapades, and think more highly of you.

Or, if the empathy doesn't quite fit the picture, guys usually get off faster when they're in complete control.

jen said...

#712. Rock on, sister. Rock on.

Anonymous said...

Speaking as a man who doesn't particularly like blow jobs, I can say that for me they don't feel very good. Doesn't matter who is doing it, it just doesn't work for me. It's not a 'being in control' issue either, as I'm perfectly happy to not be in control. Now if my wife really *wants* to do it, I certainly won't say no. But it's not something I pine for or feel I'm missing out on if she doesn't want to.

Anonymous said...

Dear 3.34, 3.47 & 3.51,

I always thought I would never stand for being out down or abused in anyway, me? no way! I'm educated, empowered and take no shit from anyone.

Where am I? In a destructive relationship that has gone from bad to worse over the past 7 years.

Why do I stay? Because I hope that it will improve, because I like to remember the people we were, the kind thoughtful people, not the people we are now, vicious, mean, point scoring assholes.

How did I let it get like this? I don't know, it crept up on me, the put downs the criticisms, the disrespectful judgements, small chips from my confidence over time, too small to notice one by one but combined, a powerful erosion of my self esteem.

I am a strong woman, I've woken up to the situation, we're going for counselling, if it doesn't work, the relationship will end.

I can't speak for the other women who have posted confessions, but I certainly never dreamed that I would be here, I thought women who put up with crap from their partners were weak and needed to get some backbone, I didn't realize that they were just trying to get through each day with some semblance of normality, that the dramatic emotional apology really does work as a sedative, it does give you hope, especially when you desperately want to believe it.

My partner doesn't hit me, he uses words and silent punishments, sometimes I wish he would just lash out, then I would know for sure that it was over, it would be the final straw.

Living in limbo hoping that it will get better, that you will find each other again is torture.

To my sisters out there who suffer physical abuse, my heart goes out to you, I wish you the strength to walk away because that situation is not going to get better, ever.

For myself I wish and hope that we will reconnect and find a way to redress the anger and resentment, to start loving and caring for each other again. To be honest I don't think it will happen, so I plan, I cry and I ache, to think that my son will be separated from the Daddy he loves so much and vice versa.

To think that I will struggle to survive as a single parent, that my life is a mess, that it's over, all that we worked for, all that we have will be gone, fought over and distributed, the home we both love given a monetary value and sold.

The dog, I know it seems stupid but I gave him the dog for his birthday, she will stay with him and I will grieve her loss, the cats are mine, they come with me.

The logistics of breaking up give me panic attacks, I have a full time job and a college education, if I were uneducated and/or unskilled I dread to think what my options would be, at least I can count on a monetary settlement from selling our house and belongings to start up again, if we didn't have anything how could I survive? If I had more than 1 child how would I juggle daycare, schools, work, schedules?

My soul hurts for my sisters in dire situations with no escape, I hope I have shed some light on that for you.

Anonymous said...

Confession #712

Been there done that with the abusive exhusband. The most freeing moment is when you drop that anger and go on with your life. It's toxic. My ex & I had a son. I refer to him as my son's dad. Beyond that, I don't give him a 2nd thought. I don't gloat over my success and his lack of, because I know he would resent it and probably start focusing on me again as the reason why his life is a failure.

He no longer has the power to hurt me, make me fearful (just cautious), or make me angry. Just accept that you previously married a man unworthy of you and that his mistreatment is just a sign of who he is and doesn't reflect on you one bit.

Anonymous said...

You know, I was just having a conversation last night about how before I was married and had a child, I always said that I would NEVER put up with...(fill in the blank).

And guess what? I've put up with many things I said I never would. And I too am a smart, well educated, professional woman. So when he has his verbal rages? Put up with it. When he emptied my savings account of 10K? Put up with it. And on and on and on.

Why? Like the other poster, the realization that marriage is a legal contract. That divorcing should and will be the last option. That to be divorced means a whole other set of problems and issues with custody, visitation and legal wrangling.

So. If you has asked me a decade ago if I would ever marry a man who I would slowly come to feel...ambivilent... about? I would have laughed in your face. Not me. Never me. I was smarter than that. I was getting married forever. I was never thinking about divorce. I had it all worked out.

And yet, here I am. Biding my time. Waiting until it either gets unliveable, or better. Cause it has got to be one of two ways. I just don't know which one yet.

Anonymous said...

i just want to add here that i am in the EXACT same boat as 3:32 and 4:51. I,too, consider myself an intelligent, educated woman. And I recall those conversations way back then, when I was single, when I laughed at the idea of putting up with that kind of shit from any man. And yet here I am, sitting in our office late at night, while he and the child sleep, typing this and feeling the loneliness creep in, waiting for things to either improve or worsen...

Anonymous said...

I cry for all of the women who've posted that they hate who they're with and where they are at in their relationships. I pray you have the opportunity. I don't believe you need the strength or that bravery is necessary. So many women for generations have done what is necessary and been terrified every step of the way. When the need is great the spirit will do what is necessary to survive or protect others. I still grieve the loss of my first marriage and wish I had eyes open to see what I was getting myself into. However, I am who I am because of everything I've been through. The strength came after the fact, not before. I lost everything and it made realise how little you need. I've started again, learned to trust again, married again and now have a child. Hope is strong... Hold on... Head Up and run like Hell when the time is right *HATU*

Anonymous said...

4:39

I'm #712, and for the record, I could care less whether or not my drive to make something of myself makes my ex "resent" me. He lost the right to gain my pity (or call himself my child's dad) the day he tried to force me off the road with my daughter in the car.

My anger is what liberated me from the relationship in the first place, and unless you know the entire saga (which you don't) you can keep your judgment regarding MY feelings to yourself. What's good for the goose is not always good for the gander.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I am a 37-year old stroke survivor who has gotten in touch with a former boyfriend from college. At first I told myself that I just wanted to be friends with him (yeah, right). But, when I heard his voice on my answering machine, I knew that I still had THOSE feelings for him. Now I don't know what to do about it. my husband and I are having some problmes, but I cannot afford to divorce him, and this guy isn't interested in a relationship with me at this point.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.