Thursday, September 21, 2006

True Wife Confession 78, or the total numer of gifts in the 12 days of Christmas

Confession #771

I was nothing but the perfect wife to you. I allowed you to go out whenever you wanted, turned a blind eye to you when you cheated repeatedly on me, blindly turned over my paycheck so you could have the things you wanted. When I agreed to allow a third person in our relationship was the day I truly screwed up. I let this person come into our lives and gave her a home. I gave her my life without a second thought because it would make you happy. Now she is gone and has made a complete shambles of OUR lives. I want nothing more that to take her stupid face and smash it in the sidewalk. I want to take her clothes that she has left in out house and burn them in the middle of the street. I want to take all her stupid cherished knick knacks and smash them into a million pieces. I want to throw away her stupid books cause i cant stand to look at them. Oh yea...even though I really did start to care for her, cause she was my friend.....I always hoped for the day she would leave. I always thought of ways to kick her out. I always wanted her to go. Go far far away. I realize that our relationship is as screwed up as the next persons....but not having her around, I feel a strange sense of calm.

Confession #772

When I begged you to deal with the problems we were having , pleaded with you to attend counseling with me and you refused, in that moment, I didn't recognize you as the man I fell in love with. I didn't even see you as a man. All I saw was this oblivious being who felt his pride was more important than our relationship.

When you went with me anyway, that repaired so much. Just the agreement to go. My heart slowly started coming back to life.

And, sweetheart, when you led the first session off with, "I can't believe that she's put up with it all", I broke down and cried. Because he came back. In that moment I knew the man I loved wasn't lost forever, just on a hiatus.

Welcome home, you.

Confession #773

We are not in college, and our house is not a frat house or a dorm room. For the love of all things good and holy, PICK UP YOUR SHIT. The way you leave a pair of shorts or socks lying in the same sad heap on our bedroom floor for days (until I either pick them up or tell you to pick them up). The way you toss dirty dishes into the sink (or just on the counter) without rinsing them off at least. The way you drop trash on the floor and LEAVE IT because you "just didn't notice." START NOTICING. How do you think we're going to teach our kids to pick up after themselves when you can't even seem to figure it out???

Confession #774

I can't stand you anymore. You used to be a great listener, but all you do anymore is wait for an opening so you can take over the conversation. I'm sick and tired of hearing how great you are. You are such a braggart. Can't you at least pretend to be interested to what I'm saying? Can't you ask a question on occasion rather than just jumping off onto something else where YOU are the star? You're the most self-centered person I've ever met in my life. Get over yourself already. No one wants to listen to your bragging. Maybe that's why you have no friends in this town. We're all sick to death of hearing about YOU.

Confession #775

I am so homesick that I could scream. I hate living in the city (and I know you are not fond of it either) and want to go back. I promised you that I would stick it out here for 5 years so that you could get more experience. That was 7 years ago and you have no plans to start looking for a job closer to home. I am trying to be supportive of your career goals, but it is getting harder for me to do so. I have dreams of my own and they do not include the rat race of a large city. If you do not start treating my wishes with the same consideration that I have to treat yours, I am going to go and pursue what I want on my own. You know this, and don't seem to care. You are just not the person that I married, that man would have never broken such an important promise to me. I am not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way you became more concerned with making lots of money than me. I liked our marriage so much better when we were poor. At least then we were happy, but now it is all about work and what you can buy that you could not before.

Confession #776

I realize you agreed to move the bed to the center of the room and out of the corner in exchange for never having to make said bed again. However, it would seem that since (a) you have much more time to screw off in the morning and (b) you're usually the last one out of that bed, it would make much more sense for you to make it. Come on, all you have to do is pull up the covers and put the f'ing pillows back. Is that such a big deal? I would think a man with a college degree would be able to pull it off...

Confession #777

I've begged you to go to counselling for so you've agreed but
I think it's a waste of time - ironic eh?

I think I'm done with this and with you. It's time for me to take my son
away from your constant derision, judgement, and scorn.

How an intelligent strong women like me ended up relinquishing so much
control to an insecure bully for so long is beyond me.

I'll do the counselling because I fought for it for so long but I don't
think I can be bothered any more, life's too short.

Confession #778

We are expecting our first child and I know -- and understand -- that you are scared, yet you've become so caring, careful, and affectionate. Don't get me wrong, you were these things before, but now? You made dinner last night, and each time I tried to help, you told me to go sit back down. Then, you did the dishes, too, and rubbed oil on my growing parts to help prevent the stretch marks. You ask me as soon as we get home how I feel, how my day was, do I need to take a nap. You initiated making a grocery list while you were cooking dinner last night, including pulling out a cookbook and making a list. You move the furniture for me when I'm vacumming and you massaged me after I overdid it this weekend.

Thank you for becoming a more wonderful husband; I can hardly wait to see the father that you'll be!!

Confession #779

I am becoming more and more depressed about our marriage. You are wonderful husband and father but I need intimacy, sex, kissing! Its been over two months since we had sex. I can count on one hand how many times we have made love this year. It shouldnt be that way. I dont know why we dont. I feel maybe you arent attracted to me anymore. I miss being with you, kissing you and loving you. I dont know what to do to change things. It seems you just arent interested. At night sometimes I just want to kiss and lay together but we always end up watching tv. Then when I mention it you want to jump on me right then. I want some romance that we had before... laying together naked for just no reason.... kissing not just a peck but really kissing.... I dont know how to tell you this. I just feel sad.

Confession #780

Dear Husband,

Sometimes I'm so lonely that I can't breathe. I've told you what I need from you flat out, and it still doesn't happen. But I hang around, hoping things will change, because I love you. I feel like we're roommates who occasionally have sex. And sometimes I think that life is too short to spend it that way. But I keep hoping that the man I fell in love with will surface and that I'll be excited to be with you again. Contrary to what this letter implies, I do love you. I just miss you.


Anonymous said...

#772 was really sweet.

Anonymous said...

My man told me that he got sick of having to be the one to make the first move. Once i started being the one to start it up, he became much more inclined to do the same.

It has to be done by both - or one may start to feel burned out.

Anonymous said...

#775, that is my fear. I too have agreed to stay here for 5 years or until he can get a job back home. Then he told me he may apply for jobs out of state. I have a feeling I will be going "home" by myself.

#780, I know all too well what its like to live that life. When does trying so hard to save a marriage just become "settling"?

Anonymous said...

#771-giving your husband everything you want at the expense of yourself isn't being a perfect wife. If it destroys can you still be YOU? Your husband doesn't sound like he values you for the person you are, and his own needs and fantasies are more important than anything. It didn't say in your confession if you're staying...I hope you find the strength to get out.

Anonymous said...

oh and when you say: "I realize that our relationship is as screwed up as the next persons."

Constant cheating and a third party living in your home and marriage, well that isn't quite like the "next persons." Every relationship has issues, true, but what you have going on is really damaging.

Lisa said...

I only WISH my biggest problems in my marriage were gripes about my hubby cleaning up after himself or picking up his clothes.

The women who's gripes are solely about housekeeping, you are so lucky. I am so envious of you. My husband hasn't lifted a finger around the house in months. But he also sleeps until 11 a.m. each day, then takes a long shower, works a few hours, then spends hours playing on his computer or watching movies. If he has to interact with me, he's emotionally distant, or snappy. He talks to me like I'm a moron. He doesn't spent more than 10 full minutes a day with our son. He ignores him. He hides out in his office. And he acts like he's father/husband of the year, telling me how lucky we are to have him. He won't hug or kiss our son or me.

SO really, if the worst part of your relationship is the not cleaning, count yourselves lucky.

Anonymous said...

I could have written 778. And he turned out to be an AWESOME father.