Saturday, September 09, 2006

True Wife Confessions 69 soixante-neuf or the number Bill and Ted use to test their future selves...Dude.

Confession #681

When you go away on business trips, and you call and leave a message on
my cell phone, I don't delete it. I save them in my voicemail until
they're automatically deleted. I'm afraid that if something happens to
you, they will be the only way I can hear your voice again.

Confession #682

I'm so afraid to tell you that I think I'm pregnant again.
You are a wonderful father to our child, but you have told me you didn't want any more children...
We both agreed I would get off birth control for a while, give my body a break...
I'm afraid of even taking the test because then it would be real.
I hope I can gather the balls to tell you this soon...

Confession #683

I love that you said "so when are we gonna get married" on the back of a Chrysler at the Laundry Mat 11 years ago.(what a redneck)

I love that you let me get sh*t faced drunk and babysit me when I need to just release.( and laugh at me)

I love that you listen to me complain about work constantly.(without bitchin)

I love that you complain about your work to me on a daily basis.( I do care)

I love that when we lost everything to hurricane Isabel you never cracked, you assured me and the girls that we would be ok. (We are even better now.)

I love our sex, you absolutely make me feel so good I think Im addicted to making love to you. (damn baby)

I love that we lay some nights in bed giggling about your farts like schoolchildren.(for hours)

I love that you put me on a pedestal and make me feel like a queen.(I don't think I deserve it)

I love that we are honest and open with each other. We are best friends in every sense.(even when honesty hurts)

I don’t have enough room to list all the reasons I love you……

BUT, I'm scared. The Navy has called me to active duty for 18 months and I'm afraid I will not be able to function to the best of my ability away from you and the girls for that long. I'm afraid you’ll start to hate me for leaving you. You are so strong and act like you can handle this. I know you can. I just wonder if I can.

I love you more than life itself and I think this will be just another hurdle we can overcome. I love you my dear and I will serve my country and honor my promise to serve if called up. Please don’t worry, I will be ok, I will come home and we will kick the kids out when theyre grown and fill the house with dogs and cats. Just take care of yourself in addition to the house and kids. I need to have something to come home to.

Confession #684

Our age difference is becoming an issue. Your sex drive has diasappeared while mine is rising to it's peak. I know that you find me attractive and when you want to have sex, it can be amazing. But... It isn't often enough for me. I want more. And you don't.

It sounds crazy but I've been thinking of finding a man to just have sex with me. I don't want to love anyone else, but I need more physical love than you want or are able to give. I don't need another husband, I just need another penis.

Confession #685

Sweetheart, I love you very much and I appreciate all you to at work to provide for us. However, I wish you understood exactly how high of a toll my unemployment is taking on me, my sanity, and really my will to live. I wake up each day to check my email, send out 20-30 resumes, applications, etc. And that is IT thats all I have. No one counts on me, no one cares where I am, no one cares what I do get done or not. I sit in our home day in and day out doing the same thing, often not speaking aloud once during the day. When you return home I KNOW you are tired, but I am so starved for human interaction I cannot simply just veg on the couch and watch TV. But I know weekdays are tough, so I wait anxiously for the weekends, when you just want to sit around and do nothing so you can rest. Can't you understand this isn't rest for me? Every second we spend at home, staring at the food network is pure torture for me. I sit here and wish I could sleep until the next day and the next. Please, oh please, lets do SOMETHING, anything, please please please. You ask whats wrong, and I tell you I am bored. But bored is too gentle of a term for the endless depression I feel all day long, every day. I wish I could send this secret to you and for you to actually understand.

Confession #686

You're the kind of man who'll tend to my physical and emotional wounds
for weeks after a near-fatal car accident. You're the kind of man who
makes a responsible father and doting husband. You're the kind of
confident man whose lack of insecurities is refreshing.

But you're also the kind of man who talks too much about how much
you're making now when I supported us for the longest when you had no
job. You're the kind of handsome man whose good looks don't extend to
his stomach and all the talk about gym and eating healthy is just
that: Talk. You're the kind of man who's too cocky to know that I just
faked that orgasm... and the one before and the one before and the one
before that.

You're the kind of man who'll never know that no one can do it like my
ex; the one who did me wrong so many times. But our bodies fit
together like pieces of a puzzle and the orgasms he still gives me
makes me want to cry.

Yes, he still gives me them on the nights you fall asleep with your
hand in my pussy. I love you though. You're a good man, but the sparks
will never be there.

Confession #687

I thanked God today that you let me out the car after you screamed at the top of your lungs at me.... because I could of gone to jail for what I was about to do you.

Confession #688

It really hurts me deeply to be rejected by you sexually time and time again. You seem to prefer masterbating to having sex with me. In the beginning, my self-esteem was low and I assumed it was because you found my body repulsive. I was a size 2/24 I existed on Slim Fast bars and Lean Cuisines and worked out for hours on end 5-6 days a week to try to make myself more physically appealing to you. I tried to be as sweet and loving a possible. I read as much on sex as I could find. I thought maybe I was just horribly bad at it. Now, many, many years later, you are still making up excuses. You even start fights before we go to bed when you think I might initiate. But now, I see it all coming so I don't even bother. But when I hear another women make comments about how her husband can't keep his hands off of her, I get insanely jealous. Because I WISH that could be me. And what I find ironic about this situation is that I'm only about 10 pounds heavier than I was 10 years ago. And I've had a child! You no longer have a jawline. You're going bald, also have a hairy back, paunchy stomach, no ass and a 4-inch penis. You are also a selfish jackass who's very lazy in bed. Why do you say, "Not tonight"? You don't even have to do foreplay. You just have to lay there.

Confession #689

Why do YOU get PMS? You do not have ovaries. Yet you bitch and whine like someone jammed a tampon up your ass for at least a full week every month-and no, it does NOT coincide with my cycle, so it's not ME being difficult. You have no right to act like you're on the rag. When blood comes out of YOUR body every month, THEN you earn the right to bitch. Until then, shut up-no one wants to hear your shit.

Confession #690

I wish you would stop drinking and be a productive part of this family. You either blow off or reject every idea that you might be an alcoholic. The facts are simple. you are an alcoholic, your father was an alcoholic your mother was an alcoholic, inspite of their health issues they still both drank until they died.
You don't realize your children see you in the same light you saw your dad. MEAN DRUNK, No you've never laid a hand on the kids but you have a very short fuse and you are impatient and yell entirely too much! Also like your dad you insist on taking on the conversation. Nobody really cares to hear fuck after every other word.
If you want to drink yourself to death, because most of your body is really starting to show signs of abuse, please just let me know, divorce me, tell me to hit the road. We will leave and you can die a slow lonely death, I don't want to watch anymore. I need to get on with my life and be happy and healthy...Yes, I have been abit off lately, because this is weighing so heavily on my mind and I would really like to know if the kids and I are more important that the frickin 30 pack you buy everyday.. Yes, I realize you only drink half of the 30 pak at a time and then you fall asleep... but is that any way to live. As I said, I want a happy and healthy marriage and dont' want to see friends, kids tease someone I love because he's passed out on the floor.
Your not totally to blame, I have turned a blind eye to the whole thing and it didn't dawn on me you had a problem until I started watching the way you dealt with the small things never without a beer in your hand...never a picture without a beer in your hand.
I'm to the point this is your last chance. I used to be so in love with you and now, your just the man I married, we co exist. that's not the marriage you promised me. But I will find it somewhere else...You get help,, I'm done with those stupid meetings... this is your problem, I"m giving it back to you!


Anonymous said...

#685 - Girl, you need to get out of the house! Maybe after you have done all of your job hunting for the day you could find a charity to which you could donate your time. Coach a kid's ball team at the Y or deliver meals on wheels. There are a lot of very worthy causes that could use someone like you and you could fill that lonely time with something that would make you feel good about yourself. Looks great on a resume too!

Anonymous said...

#688 - YOU DESERVE BETTER! You shouldn't settle for less.

Anonymous said...

#690 - It's sad but true, if your husband is truly an alcoholic, then you and your kids will NEVER come before the 30 pack he buys every day. Not until HE decides to get help...and maybe not even then.

You can't guilt him into not drinking.

Also, I doubt he would ever tell you he wants a divorce...whether you realize it or not, chances are you help to make this behavior possible.

Not trying to be mean...just honest. I've been there...I know. I tried to guilt my ex into not drinking, and looking back, it was like beating my head against the wall. I left a few years ago...and of all the decisions I've ever made, that was the absolute best one.

I wish you strength.

Anonymous said...

Confession #685 - I feel for you because I've been there. The only thing I can suggest is possibly taking on an easy part-time job while you look for something full-time and permanent so you can get out of the house during the day. Make some friends, and go out and have fun at night too. Maybe then hubby will wonder what he's missing out on. Good luck!

Anonymous said...


I felt the same way you do a few years ago. The lack of routine almost killed me. It might help if you create some kind of routine for yourself, and then stick to it. Like: 9am, go to the gym. Monday afternoon, go to the library. Saturday afternoons, grocery shopping. That sort of thing made me feel so much better than waking up every morning with the huge expanse of the day ahead of me, another day of watching crappy daytime TV while surfing online job listings, and feeling completely frustrated by the time sunset rolled around.

Good luck. I hope you find a great job soon.

Jaelithe said...

#683: Best of luck. I could never do what you do. Thank you.

Andrea said...

#683, Thank you for doing what you do to keep us all safe. And thank you to your wonderful husband and family for sacrificing their time with you so you can do your job for us. you are an inspiration.

mean girls said...

681: I do the same thing. what if?

Anonymous said...


I hate to say this but is it possible that your husband is using pornography, like on the computer maybe? I know it may be something else entirely but my two of my friend's husbands were behaving exactly the same way to their wives for no apparent reason. These women are attractive and sex-starved but their husbands preferred to masturbate and put them off every time they wanted sex.

In the end, it turned out they both had serious problems with internet porn but neither of the women discovered it for a long time. One couple is still together and the husband goes to meetings/therapy for his problem. The other couple split up because the husband refused to acknowledge that choosing an image on a computer screen over a flesh and blood wife — for years — was f'ed up.

Anyway, their stories reminded me of yours. If he stays up late after you go to bed or gets up in the middle of the night, you might want to check on him. Just my two cents.

And I'm sorry you have to endure that kind of treatment. It's hurtful and you surely don't deserve it.

Anonymous said...

#688 I am in the same predicament and it is killing me. No foreplay - just laying there. And yes, he was into internet porn. Now he's met someone from there... and we're separated. (because I told him to get his shit and get out).
I also think like 684 - I wish I could just find a penis with some gentle foreplay. I am lonely for cuddling and I can do a mean BJ.

Anonymous said...

HI I'm #688.

I don't know if my hubby is into Porn. I've never caught him at it. I've often wondered if he's cheating... I have wondered if he's gay as well.

I know he's lazy. He doesn't have many friends because he's too lazy to maintain the friendships. His vehicle is a mess and constantly breaks down. He's too lazy to maintain it. The house we used to live in needed months of work before we put it on the market. Because (you guessed it.) he'd rather lay in bed all day than do one silly little maintenance project.

He's very lazy in our marriage too. And I see that he's lazy with our son. He rarely spends time with him. So I try to have my son spend time around other men in his life -- so he can see that daddy's just lazy. And that he doesn't have to be that way.

I think the only way to get him off of the couch or out of bed is to shove a stick of dynamite up his ass!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

#681. I do the same thing, too. I save all his voicemail messages, even if he isn't away on a business trip for the exact same reason. Plus, I save every email he sends me during the day at work.

Anonymous said...


he sounds gay to me.

you are beautiful. don't doubt it. talk with him.

Anonymous said...

Hi 688... I am going through the same thing. And I think porn is the problem. The thing is, I love him very much but he won't stop. And I don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

#688 Could he be depressed? If he isn't interested in sex and just wants to lie on the couch, it could be depression. Good luck convincing him to see a doctor, though.

Anonymous said...

#685. I sooo could have wrote your confession to a tee. I too am unemployed,and don't go anywhere during the day because I can't drive. I know how youfeel. You want some interaction when all he wants to do is sit on the couch and realax. I feel for you soo much. I hope that we both find jobs and soon!