Monday, September 18, 2006

True Wife Confessions 75 Cadillac

Confession #741

Part of the reason our sex life is so infrequent is because I get really tense whenever you start asking me to do things to you. It's not that I don't want you to receive pleasure without the work, it's not that I don't like you and am not attracted you. I think you are the sexiest guy on the planet. But it almost always seems to end in a request for a blow job. And I feel terrible, but I can't do it. It's not that I don't want to, it's not that I hate it, I physically can't do it, and you don't seem to get that. I can play around for a bit, but after that, I physically can't. So any time we start getting busy, I'm afraid you are going to start pushing in that direction again, and I'd rather not go there again, because it makes me feel wretched and selfish, since you are always so considerate of what I like in bed.

Confession #742

Why do you have to be such a big dick on the phone to me when I call you at work (which has been about 4 times in 3 years). You act like WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT and make me feel like shit for calling. Thank God I’ve never had to call you and tell you that someone died or I was in a car accident although part of me would love to give you the smack down if something big ever happened and you cut me off on the phone.

Other people talk to their spouses at work…..and get this..some of them do it daily! My ex-husband was happy to hear from me at work on a daily basis. What the fuck is your problem? When I’ve pointed it out to you (nicely) you think I’m making it up about people talking to their spouse at work. Get a grip.


Confession #743

This is a confession from one wife to another.

Remember when we joined you and your husband at the lake and you asked if I brought my swimsuit and I said yes? Remember what you said then? "Good! Maybe my husband will understand my body's not so bad after seeing yours!" How could you not realize how hurtful and insensitive that comment was? Especially knowing how I struggle with my weight?

And then later when you said you hoped that people at the lake (total strangers) would realize you were pregnant and not just fat. "That's why I hate being pregnant! People think you're fat and not just pregnant." Not only did that make you sound like the idiot that you are, but it was also another memorable and insensitive comment. You KNOW how we are going through another round of IVF and would give anything to be "fat" from a pregnancy.

I also hate how after I told you of yet another negative pregnancy result that you constantly rubbed your belly and sighed and complained about how uncomfortable you were and how you just cannot stand getting pregnant all the time. Have you heard of birth control? OH, right. Your husband thinks married people shouldn't use birth control. Maybe learning how to track your cycles and avoid having sex when you're about to ovulate? It's fairly easy to do for people who actually have a brain. Have you also heard of being aware of the feelings of the people around you?? Especially your friends???

This is why I don't want to be around you any longer. This is why I turn down your social invitations. This is why when I see you at parties, I stay the hell away from you. I'd tell this to your face, but you'd find a way to turn it around and make me look like the fool. I don't need that. Some people will never get it and just aren't worth the time or effort. I'm glad I learned that before I invested more time and more feelings into this doomed friendship. Have a nice life raising your 12 billion children on such a limited income. Maybe that's why you're so bitter. You'd have more money to pay bills if you stopped spitting out kids every year. And YES, you are fat, TOO!! There's a lot worse things in life than being fat. Like being a clueless, insensitive bitch. I'm so glad that with this confession, you are finally out of my life forever!

Confession #744

Faithfulness is not my strong suit. I believe in being faithful on principle. In practice I suck at it, I hope you never find out

Confession #745

You adore your father because he supposedly raised you well but you lack a heart. He does not listen to your good suggestions about how to take care of himself. And that reminds me of every man in my life, including YOU. He does not sleep enough to get through the day let alone drive! You do not get enough sleep for work. When he criticizes our relationship it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. He says we look miserable? So do he and his wife. Back when we were ridiculously happy he thought it was be funny to pretend we weren't. W.T.F. He purposely caused trouble and it broke my fucking heart. Especially because you did not reassure me about ANY OF IT. And I see a little more of him in you today. You. Are. A. Stubborn. Ass.

Confession #746

You are an amazing lover: you’re so attentive to my pleasure, you take pleasure in what I do, and you never fail to make me feel sexy. You’re fine with my adventurous past. You suggest adventures for us to take together, but you never pressure me to do something if I’m uncomfortable with it. You’re willing to try new things that I suggest.

I have only one secret from you: Sometimes when we make love I fantasize about fat gay guys. I don’t know why. There’s just something great about two guys eating enormous amounts of food together and getting it on.

I don’t even know why I haven’t told you. You’ve been fine with all my other kinks. I’ve told you my fantasies about vampires and bondage and other women and the woman who helped paint our house. I’ve told you I want to put eyeliner on you or dress you in a gladiator’s armour. Why would it bother you to know your wife sometimes imagines guys eating a lot of pizza and making out?

It wouldn’t bother me at all if you gained weight, either. I did tell you that, but it probably sounded as if I was just being a good wife and telling you I loved you for your inner self. Which is also entirely true. But honey, I look at your big-bellied family and I think it will probably happen to you eventually too, and I’m actually kind of glad.

Confession #747

I have the opportunity to cheat on you but I am scared that I will not know how I feel when it is all said and done. I really like this person. He is an ex boyfriend from High School that loved me so much and I walked all over him...how he can be so forgiving to me is really amazing when you can't forgive me for the simplest things. He knows about you and our family and the thought of being with me over powers his feeling of guilt. I talk to him on the phone every day and I even e-mail him while you are sitting on the sofa playing XBOX. He makes me feel alive and he makes me feel like I am beautiful and worth something in this world. I am going to see him Saturday night after I go out with the girls and after I have a few drinks in me...I don't know what is going to happen. All I know is that we will be even...but I will never tell you and you will never find out.

I need to do this so I can know for sure that you are the man that I am meant to be with and if I can forgive you for cheating on me so dirty six months ago.

I think that you know that I am going to do this and you know that you can not say anything to me about it. Especially since I told you that one day I will and you said that you would not cry for me...cause those days are over for you. You F'N JERK!

If you ever find out....I will just have to see if you cry!

I want you so bad to stop me from doing this. I really do...I know that you never will. And it would be the simplest thing to do. All you would have to do is show me some affection on a daily basis and make love to me with out me having to ask you for it. That is all it would take...but you are too lazy and too involved in XBOX and fantasy football to realize that after Saturday night...I might be gone forever and you would have noone to blame but yourself.

Confession #748

Honey, I'm pregnant. I know it's not in the current plan. I know we don't have the money. I know it's not what we wanted right now. I haven't told you yet because I know you are going to freak out. I am freaking out right now.

I didn't try to "oops" get pregnant either. Just so you know. I have been taking my pills EVERY day. At the same time. Without fail. And since we only had sex three times in the past month, I can't even imagine how the odds didn't work in our favor.

I'm sorry. I know this is not what we wanted right now. Please just don't have a fit when I tell you. I'm as scared about this as you are.

Confession #749

I am totally in love with you, I haven't told you yet, because I dont want to jinx it. Even though we have been toghether for 7 months... You are seriously the best thing that could have happened to me and my kids. I think that some day I will be married to you... I am so glad my ex cheated on me, and left me for his dumb bimbo. I would have never met you if he didn't hurt me and the boys that way and I am pretty sure we would have had a miserable life that way. But I am so thankful that he did. You would do anything for us, anything, and it means the world to me and the kids. It really is nice to know that there are really guys out there that would love to be a father to somone else's children like they were your own.

Confession #750

I think that you are who you are because your mom is such a strong woman. Because you love her you admire my strengths and love me.

I am so glad that you are in this for the long haul,you work through the stupid fights, the petty differences, I love that you have never walked out.

Marriage is so much harder than I thought it would be, sometimes I am not sure if I want to do it, but you are the reason I keep coming back.

Parenthood is so much harder than we thought it would be, I am glad you help me do the best I can.

You know how to please me, and maybe I taught you much of it, but it is sweet that you remember, it makes me want to please you .


I wish I could tell how I feel about you, but it always sounds corny when I try to put it in words

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

To #743
My husband and I also can not conceive. It hurts so much to be around super fertile people who do not understand anything outside of their own little world. It hurts to read about women who get pregnant accidentally, and women who have children with horrible abusive men. I hope that you take care of yourself, and understand that she is projecting her own insecurities onto you. Wishing you the best.

Anonymous said...

#743
She is not your friend. She never was.

Anonymous said...

#743: I am so glad you are staying away from her. She does not deserve to have you in her life.

Anonymous said...

#743

I am so proud of you! Life is tough enough without having people drag you down. Here's to "cleaning out our closets!" Cheers!!

Diana said...

#743- I'm glad you have taken the steps to ending your 'friendship' with this person. Her first comment to you (the swimsuit) pissed me off, and then to hear the 'fat' comment...
Some people just don't realize how stupid they are.

Anonymous said...

#743
I am one of those people who gets pregnant easily. When I got pregnant with my second child, I knew that my friend (and next door neighbor) had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant. I went to her house and told her I was pregnant and I was so sorry if it was going to be hard for her and that if she needed me to stay away from her I would totally understand. The only reason I tell you this is to say that if your "friend" was too stupid to realize that those comments (or just existing as a pregnant person!) would hurt you, then she was never your friend in the first place. People should be sensitive to their friends feelings, and if they are too self involved and stupid to pay attention to you--you don't need them in your life. I'm glad you got rid of her. I don't know your financial situation, but please consider serogacy. There are a lot of women out there who are willing to help you! Best of luck. I hope you have your baby--however it happens!

Anonymous said...

I am #743 and I want to thank you for your kind words. Since that fallout with my friend happened, I learned we are finally pregnant. The story has a happy ending after all. Thank you again.

Anonymous said...

#749

That's lovely. I hope I feel the same way about my cheating ex one day.

Anonymous said...

3:57, Me too.

Anonymous said...

#749 and comments above. Thanks for showing me a different way to look at it. I don't want to be bitter and that sentiment will help me stay positive.

cluelesscarolinagirl said...

743, Congratulations and you are very wise to remove yourself from that toxic bitch.

Anonymous said...

Congrats 743!!! I wish you ALL the best. And I also wish you many, many good, true, loving friendships in the future.

Anonymous said...

743...I have the same problem with my sister in law. After it taking YEARS to finally conceive, she says stupid things just like that all the time. Be aware that you aren't the only one who sees her idiocy. Good on you for standing up!

Anonymous said...

741 - I have so been there. And I got so sick of being spoken to disrespectfully that I moved out. It was like he was killing my soul with every "What?" The tone of his voice made it clear that he was REALLY saying "WTF do you want NOW?" I never let anyone else speak to me that way - finally I realized that I shouldn't let him, either.

Anonymous said...

#743 I am so happy for you! Congratulations. I'm also happy that you're moving on from that relationship with your friend also. My husband and I have difficulty conceiving as well, and it's so hard for me to be around other pregnant women when I'm trying so hard, and disappointed month after month. I used to work in an NICU and I would get so mad everytime I dealt with some crack ho' having her fifth baby at age 19. (Yes, it really happened.) Anyway, I'm rambling. Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

741-- Why can't you do it?

Anonymous said...

#747:
Don't do it!Take whatever steps you need to either end your marriage or make it better. Revenge sex doesn't even the score, it will end up making you feel guilty, and regretting that you stooped to his level. Trust me, I've been there.