Friday, November 10, 2006

True Wife Confession 115 Bourbon Street

Confession #1141

Now that I see how you interact with the puppy, I'm not sure we should be having kids soon. I mean you are great about many things, but you get whiny and mean when the puppy has kept you up or woken you up early. What do you think a baby will do? It might help if you went to bed at a decent time, you know.

Confession #1142

at the party, I made out with your friend Rob. Then, I made out with Aaron. THEN, I made out with Aaron's wife.
So there.

Confession #1143

Last week you told me that you still loved me but you aren't in love with me anymore.

Fuck You.

I've stood by you through so much the last 7 years. I've been a good stepmom to your kids and a good mom to our kids. I'm sorry I didn't get help with my postpartum until now, but who cares because now you don't love me?

Go to hell. I've always been there for you and always loved you. Why do I deserve this shit from you?

Confession #1144

Dear Husband,
You are the greatest. You never complain, you never put me down, you are just there, for me, and our family all of the time....our son adores you and our new adopted daughter worships the ground you walk on. When I mentioned the other day maybe adopting again, and special needs this time, you said "our van has enough seats, let's look into it".

You are everything that my first husband was not. I love you so much!

A loving wife.

Confession #1145

Today I uploaded our digital pictures and came across one of you and the
baby. I caught you by surprise and you're both looking at me with the
biggest, brightest, most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I felt an
immense rush of love for you then, and I couldn't wait for you to come home
so I could kiss you.

When you got home from work, your breath smelled like Marlboro Reds and I
had to turn away. I wish you understood how much this disappoints me.

Confession #1146

Ok, here it is...

I don't know if I love you or not, even though I tell you I do. I feel very strongly for you and I've known you a really long time, but love? I don't know. What I do know is that I should have slept with you when I had the chance, and that having hot, dirty sex with you is constantly on my mind. And you want to be with me - you want me to just say 'yes'. And instead I say 'no' because I choose to stay faithful to my marriage and not cheat. I'm a mother of small children and married and won't cheat just for sex - even though the sex would be mind-blowing. Yes, my husband is thoughtless and dreadfully boring in bed and a cheater himself. The temptation of sex with you is still not enough to make me want to risk losing my family. Why? Because even though I want to be with you, what kind of life could we have together if he left me for cheating? Seriously. Get a job. Get a real place to live. Have some ambition in your life! Make some MONEY. I know you're an 'artist' and you feel compelled to follow your dreams - but you are 35 years old. No one is banging down your door, no one is going to 'discover' you. I might be able to really love you, if you could just do something worthwhile with your life and earn my admiration.

I haven't had sex with my husband but a handful of times the entire year, and those times have been excrutiatingly dull and mechanical. That will not change - I am doomed to a nearly sexless existence. Still, I prefer safe and boring and secure to hot kinky sex every day with a loser. No amount of awesome sex is worth risking my family, not for someone who won't get a JOB. So you wonder why I won't cheat? THIS is why.

Confession #1147

We are separated and I have our kids. You’d think that if you truly wanted to stay married, you’d kiss up a bit. Apologize. Quit giving me constructive criticism. As the counselor said, “You are going to lose your wife, if you continue providing constructive criticism. She considers it abusive. “ You chose not to stop. Well, buddy…ya lost me. My attorney is sending you the papers this week. Oddly enough, I don’t feel sad but rather a huge sense of relief.

Confession #1148

Yes, your obesity is a problem.

You're not even thirty yet, and already have sleep apnea. You sleep
constantly, and I really think it's because of your weight and the apnea.
You're missing out on time with your son, and I'm afraid if you don't lose
the weight you'll miss out permanently. I'm afraid to send you to the
doctor for a physical, because I'm afraid we're going to find out you're
diabetic, among other things.

And it DOES impact our sex life.

I know you've been losing weight, and I AM proud of you, but it's a CONSTANT
battle, and it's tiring for me to have to watch you constantly to police
everything you put in your mouth. Getting you to exercise is nearly
impossible. I can't help but wonder: if you really wanted this for
yourself, would I have to be on you every single day like this? Would you be
fighting me every step of the way like this? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing
as much work as you are, for YOU to lose the weight. And it's a really
thankless job. You've told me, when I complain, that you do appreciate what
I'm doing, but still every day you act like it's ME imposing upon YOU with
these demands.

I love you, and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. And I know
you think I'm exaggerating when I say this, but sometimes I worry that the
rest of our lives isn't going to be that long ... because you're not even
thirty and you already STOP BREATHING WHEN YOU SLEEP.

Confession #1149

Everyone – family, friends, and my customers – helped me celebrate my 38th birthday. It was lovely. I felt so warm and loved. My husband called and made me cry. He badgered me until I cried. What would have been wrong with calling and wishing me a happy birthday? Invite me out to dinner. What about a card or present. He wants me to dismiss the divorce. Hmm….how about showing a bit of kindness?

Confession #1150

When you kiss me I secretly puke in my mouth. I have hated you ever since I found out you were still talking to her. No you did not have sex, but telling her you love her and want to have a family with her is worse. Secretly meeting with her and finding ways to see her. You tell me you love me? I think you just say that so I won't walk out. So many times I have walked out. But I walk back because the home is my security. I am so glad you spend most of your time out of town to work. Thats my piece of mind. And don't think I am a dumbass when you ask me what I am doing every second of the day. Making sure I am not going to visit you and screw up your secret life. Good God idiot. I hate that I hate myself for staying. I hate that I always want to know whos calling. You get mad and ask me whats wrong when I go into a daze? Well asshole how about feeling like Im second place. I am tired of rehearsing and putting on a show for all of our friends and family.

You say you keep trying to make things better? How are you doing that. By talking in your sleep of how much you love her and want to be with her. When I ask you about it you say you have no idea why your thinking this. Once again idiot. I am so tired of lying to you all the time about how things are getting better. I say that so you will just leave me alone. Your constant need to be around me now is a little to late. Your love letters saying how sorry you are, ya your a sorry piece of work and I just toss them away.

I keep asking myself why I will not leave. There is only one reason. You are an incredible father and have never made the children feel like they are second place. You give them so much attention and make their world so much better. They don't know you have lied. They don't know you have made mommy cry. They don't know that this year you have taken home the idiot award. I will never tell them. They don't need to know.

I wish I could tell you that you have completely destroyed me. Destroyed my faith in you and what we once had. I dont trust or or belive anything you say. I also hope you just walk out the door and not come home. That would make things easier for me, for the kids no but for me yes. So I will just go on daydreaming that the whore leaves her husband and comes to get you.


River Rat said...

Confession 1148: I could have written that myself. Hang in there! Some times I feel like the Food Police. I don't know how many times I've been with my Husband to the doctor for this. I realize that it's a struggle, but sometimes I just feel that he doesn't get how much it really matters to be healthy; not just for him but his family as well.

Anonymous said...

1148- I had a boyfriend in college with the same thing. In the middle of the night he would just stop breathing. Out of nowhere. I happened so much that I couldn't sleep.

Men are SO much worse than women about diet and exercise.

Anonymous said...

1148 - My husband has gained well over 150 pounds since we have married. He refuses to exercise, eats extremely poorly, and drinks very heavily. Last year I convinced him to go to the doctor his cholesterol and blood pressure were through the roof he got them down only to get them back up again.

He has no self-control was it comes to anything and for a long time I was the food police but I refuse to do it any longer. He is a grown man who should have control over his body and what he puts it in. He is smart enough to know that he is taking years off his life and yet he doesn't seem to care.

It is sad but he is not one of my child he has a choice what he chooses to put in his body. Unfortunately the things that he chooses effects his overall health, our sex life, his sleep, his ability to preform household upkeep, and the overall well-being of our family. If all those reason are not enough to loose weight me nagging him all day sure won't make him loose weight, either.

I just assume I will be a widow by 40. Sad but real!

shygirl said...

1148: You can't nag a person to eat healthy and exercise, anymore than you can nag an alcoholic to stop drinking. Food is your husband's addiction, I'm afraid, and he is the only one that can change how he deals with it.

Anonymous said...

This is #1148...The problem is that he begs me for help. I really am goo d about stepping back and letting him make his own decisions when he's not actually asking for help, but he knows he has a problem, and he's terrified of what it's doing to him, now that the issues are starting to become obvious...he just can't seem to do it on his own. We ARE seeing results, and I should just be proud of him for that...but it's so hard when he begs for help one day and sneaks snacks the next...

Anonymous said...

#1141, I've found that in general the way people treat their animals is the way they treat people. You might want to rethink having kids with someone like that.

Anonymous said...

1145 - I know how you feel. I was going to leave a sweet note in my husbands lunch cooler and I found cigarettes. My heart broke. He always gave me excuses for smelling like smoke - blaming it on the guys he rides with and I believed him. I don't know if it hurts more that he was doing it or that he was lying to me about it.
I am just so disappointed in him.

Anonymous said...

1148, I understand that you must be frustrated but maybe you should focus on the big picture. I know that is easier said than done, but if you are seeing results then maybe you shouldn't worry about the occasional snack. I am overweight and have lost 50 lbs in the past year. I was only able to do it when I accepted the fact that I just gotta have a Snickers every once in awhile. I mostly eat healthy, but I cheat fairly often too. The result is that I am loosing weight at the rate of about 1 pound per week. That is very slow weight loss, but it is weight loss know I can maintain. If I had to give up all of my favorites completely I would have quit in one week and that 50 pounds and maybe more, would still be on me.

I think you are wonderful to want to help him and to still love him despite his weight. I wish my ex had been as good as you are. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

1141: I have come to that realization with my husband! And he insisted we get a puppy. A puppy who needs constant monitoring and patience. He is shocked by how much work it is, and he gives the dog treats constantly so that it will "leave him alone" so he can watch TV. serious doubts about his parenting skills. Scares me.

Anonymous said...

1148-I've lost 51 pounds in the last year. But--I was really overweight for about 1 year before that. My husband was so supportive and helpful--he would do anything I needed him to do. But, when it came down to it, I had to decide that I wanted to lose weight by myself, for myself. That's all that really got me to do it. I finally joined Weight Watchers, which is what has gotten me this far. I think it is great that you are helping him out, but maye you need to just tell him no the next time he asks for your help. Maybe you could just say he needs to be sure that he wants to do it for himself, and have him come up with the plan. Tell him you will do what he needs you to do to support him, but make him make the plans and decisions. I had lots of excuses, without meaning to, for why Iwasn't losing weight. Finally, I just had to admit that I wasn't trying, and go from there. It was a hard thing to say--just to myself!--that I had to change. I had to do some things differently. I would have been so hurt if someone else had said that to me, though. I had to realize it on my own. I finally did that when I realized no one was going to make the menus, exercise schedules, etc. for me. Good luck--you're a great person for being so supportive!!!!

Anonymous said...

1145-I know exactly what you're going through. My husband smoked for the first six years we were together, then he just quit. I was so proud and our entire extended family was happy as well. But I've found out that he smokes at work with the other guys. What, peer pressure? It makes no sense!

It feels like he's cheating on me. It sounds dumb but it's true. We made a deal: he's smoke-free for a year, then we can have kids. I refuse to raise a child with someone who can't even take care of themselves....So I guess we'll never have kids.

Anonymous said...

I am right there with you 1150. you could be me.

Anonymous said...

1142--So There?!

What are you, five?

To all you food police--you're not helping.

Anonymous said...

1142--I love it. Don't know why. I just do.

Anonymous said...

9:45 am-
go buy yourself a sense of humour. I hear they are on clearance this week. Get two.

Dayngr said...

If he can't handle a puppy he can't and won't make it through parenthood without tons of drama. RUN do not walk!

Anonymous said...

So what, 1145, he has a smoke or two! That's the least of what he could be doing--cheating, drinking, doing meth. All you wives are so perfect that a stupid CIGARETTE bothers you? Get over yourself. No wonder husbands find other women!!

Anonymous said...

I gotta agree about the cigarette thing. Man, if that's all you got to bitch about, then get a life. How petty!