Monday, October 02, 2006

True Wife Confessions 85 tools on the Giant Swiss Army knife

Confession #841

You tell me you love me.
And I KNOW you do.
And I love you too.
We have a daughter together and a life together and so many memories past, present, and future.
There's just one problem.

I want a freaking engagement ring. A big one that sparkles like a star. And a proposal to go with it.

So hurry up, okay? Cause I'm not waiting forever.

Confession #842

I know that I'm overweight but, it doesn't help that you pinch my stomach
and ask me what we're going to name the baby and you know good and fucking
well that I'm not pregnant. And you wonder why we only have sex once a
month. Get a clue dick head.


Confession #843

I wish we never got married. I’ve had affairs with 3 people in the 6 years we’ve been married. One of them lasted over 3 years. I am not attracted to you and I hate giving you a blow job because I get pubes in my mouth and there’s a bump on your penis. Sex is awful because you just hump forever without taking any interest in how I like it. You put me down a lot, and you do it with a smile on your face, thinking it’s funny. You know full well it hurts my feelings but you still think it’s funny and than you get mad when I’m angry at you. DUH! Some days I can’t stand to look at you and I can’t wait for the kids to grow up so I can leave you. You lack conversation, sensitivity and you are selfish and unsupportive. I don’t feel loved and I am constantly lonely. In all the years we’ve been together, my constant attempts to get these things across to you have fallen on deaf and defensive ears. I think you don’t love me, because if you did you would want to help fix us. Ya, there’s a few good days here and there, but my smile is all a mask to cover the intense loneliness and sadness I feel.

Confession #844

I know I'm supposed to be proud that you're over in Iraq fighting for our
country but, your son is growing and learning tons of things everyday and
you're missing it all.

Confession #845

To my Brand New Husband:
I love you more than you will ever know. I know that I don't deserve your
love and care. I wish I could be a better wife to you, and I try, I really
do. I love that we're expecting our first child, and that you're
practically giddy about it. I love that you take me to all my doctor's
appointments, and watch the baby I take care of while we're there. I love
that you make me chocolate milk when I'm cranky, and being me ice cream
without me haveing to ask. I love that you have taken complete
responsibility for the dog that I had to have before we found out about the
baby, I love that you haven't once reminded that she is my dog. I love
everything about you. I love you so much, and I can't get enough of you. I
hope you feel the same way.

Thanks TWC. . .you're amazing!


Confession #846

I hate dealing with your anger.

I hate it when you come home ranting about how much you hate your job and how stupid your co-workers are. I feel like you're yelling AT me.

When I try to commiserate and offer suggestions, you snarl and get sarcastic and tell me all the ways my suggestion won't work, all the while implying that I'm stupid.

When I say nothing, you snarl and demand to know why I'm being silent.

When I try to touch you or hug you, you push me away and tell me you can't deal with that right now. So what the fuck am I supposed to do??!

You usually apologize to me later, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of dealing with this. STOP TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME, YOU PRICK! What you're doing is abusive, and I won't take much more of it!

Confession #847

I had an abortion 18 yrs ago. I never told you.
I think about that baby every day. My heart breaks over what I did. I don't deserve to live.
This is what all the therapy and medications are for. Not for OCD. (another lie....)I made a flippant choice, and I carry it heavy in my heart for the rest of my life.
I'm really sorry.
One day, I hope I can forgive myself.

Confession #848

I honestly don’t think that we are going to make it. I think that last
night was probably the worst fight that we have ever had. We fight all the
time. I’m pretty sure that you don’t love me anymore. I still love you but
I hate how angry I am all the time. If this thing we’re calling a marriage
ends it’ll be both our faults. I get frustrated too easily and scream at
you even though I know that you hate it; I can’t help it. I don’t know how
>to get you to listen. I tell you what I need over and over again but you
just don’t listen, or you don’t remember and I get hurt and frustrated and
angry and start screaming and that isn’t working either. Today I looked
into how much an apartment would run me if I left you. I hope we can work
things out because I love you so much but I can’t handle this much longer

Confession #849

I wear your shirt and sleep on your side of the bed when you're on
deployments just so the pain won't hurt so much when you're gone.

Confession #850

We waited for years to end up together, you and I. Through all our
separate relationships we managed to maintain a wonderful relationship
and always, in the back of my mind, and yours too, there was the
thought that we could end up together.

Well, it happened. You left your girlfriend, I was still single, and we
ended up seeing eachother. Everything was wonderful. We were even
better as a couple than we had been as friends. But after a few weeks,
she came crying and you took her back. It broke my heart, but I knew I
couldn't compete with the time you spent together and the security she
provided. You stopped talking to me completely. I was devastated. It
felt like everything you had told me for MONTHS had been a complete lie.

I'm pregnant. With your baby. I'm only a month in and I've got to make
a choice. You told me to keep it. You said you don't agree with
abortion and would never pass on the chance to bring a baby into this
world. But you can't support a child, and neither can I. I'm still in
school. I haven't finished my degree and I barely make enough to pay my
own bills, nevermind raise a baby. I don't want to do this, but I'm
having an abortion. It goes against everything I believe, EVERYTHING,
but I can't bring a baby into the world knowing what kind of life it
would have. You left me once, you'll leave me again.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the life I'm preventing. I'm sorry for the
pain I'll always feel and the regrets I will carry for the rest of my
life.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

850# - I am pro-choice, so please don't think I am judging you, but abortion is not for everyone. If you are going to regret this choice as much as you seem to think you will, then maybe you should consider adoption. I hope everything works out for you.

Anonymous said...

#850.
I'm #847. Don't make the same mistake that I made. Even though it doesn't seem like it, it will haunt you forever.
I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

#850, I would give anything to have his baby."His" as in my friend that Ive waited years for. You have to do what you feel is best, good luck!

Anonymous said...

As someone, 850, who was in a similar situation as you 16 plus years ago...

I made the right choice in not having a baby with him. I loved him HUGELY, (and still do - in fact). I waited for him to say anything that would have convinced me to have a baby with him - to give up college. And he never did. He always came first.

So when he re-entered my life 16 years later, I tortured myself. I could have had a baby with him. What if things had been different? I still loved him and he said he loved me. And do you know what? When it came down to it? He hasn't changed at all. He is still first - his fear, his self centeredness hasn't changed a bit. He is the same scared little boy at 37 that he was at 21 - too afraid to allow anyone close, too afraid to make a decision, while being stubbornly righteous about everything.

And while I love him in a way that I will never quite shake - I don't regret my decision.

Be well, my dear. You must trust your gut feeling. If he can't be supportive now, he never will.

thegoddessanna said...

844 & 849 - I have been there. I am proud of my husband for the things he has done for our country, but I'll admit that while I missed him dearly, I resented that I had to raise our kids alone.

I hope that you can seek support among the other spouses, and that your husbands come home every time safe and sound. Oh, and especially for 849 - I bought candles that smelled like my husband's deodorant (no lie), because I missed the scent of him in the house.

Anonymous said...

#850
Please don't do it, there are so many other choices other than abortion. Even if you don't want to keep the baby - there are so many loving couples out there who would love your child - Please don't do it, all life is precious.

Anonymous said...

844, I empathize with missing your husband...I am a military spouse as well, keeping the home fires burning at home while he is gone. And I am not trying to attack you, because I DO understand.

But...you chose this life, as much as he did. Yeah, it sucks, but he's got it hard enough, don't you think, without you making him feel even more guilty? Poor you? Screw that! Poor HIM! He's the one missing it, and sleeping in the sand and getting shot at, while you live on his salary and get to spend time with the children.

Be honest...YOU miss him for YOU. Don't be angry at him that HE is missing watching your child grow up! I bet he feels bad enough that he is missing it...and lucky you, you get to be there for it all.

Record the memories for him, on paper, with photos and videos, and let him see at least some glimpses of those once-in-a-lifetime moments that he's FIGHTING FOR so that you can ENJOY!

Anonymous said...

I had an abortion when I was 22 and I don't regret it for a second. It was the right decision. I would not have been able to be a good mom at 22. Now I'm a pretty good mom at 37. The fundies are propagating this idea that if you have an abortion you're required to torture yourself about it. It's still a legal right.

Anonymous said...

#850

Ah, but you don't regret it enough to not have the abortion, do you?

Anonymous said...

842- I hear ya. You'd think they'd figure out that "support" thing after a while.

Anonymous said...

844 & 849-I too an a military wife. I'm a military child and a military sister. My husband just returned home from almost 11 months in Iraq and that was some of the hardest days of my life. We are now expecting our first child and he's away from me for 5 weeks. Let me tell you, this is harder than that deployment. BUT! I knew when I met him, he was in the military. Yes they say we don't pick who we fall for but you in a way sign the enlistment contract when you get married. When you sign the marriage license, it's the fine print that no one reads. I too sleep on my husband side of the bed whether it's one night in the field of one year of 7000 miles apart. Be strong. At least your children can say their daddy defends our country instead of being a dead-beat dad. (Always a silver lining if you look hard enough.) And no matter what, when he gets home, if you don't let the anger and hate for his career grow out of control, homecomings are the greatest day of your life. Be strong. Us military wifes need to stick together.

Anonymous said...

#850, whatever happens, I wish you all the best. This man has put you in a very difficult position, asking you to keep his child but not staying with you to help raise it. I hope there are other people in your life who can support you through this difficult decision, whatever you decide.

Anonymous said...

#847 and #850

I was that same girl. I had an abortion and I felt terrible about it. I hated myself for a long time. Looking back a year later, I realise that I made the choice that was best for me at the time. One of the things that helped the most was http://afterabortion.com/. It's a politically neutral site that has message boards that provide an unending well of support, no matter what you may be feeling. #847, I wish you the best and I hope you find peace. #850, concentrate on doing what is right for you and not on doing what is right for everyone else. Good luck to both of you.

Anonymous said...

#847 You're not alone... mine was 13 years ago & not a day goes by that I don't think of her & wonder what she could've been had I made a different decision. I was young, I was foolish and I've grown to truly forgive myself & I hope that someday when we meet again after this life, that she'll forgive me too. The reality is, we all make mistakes, even monumental ones... but life does go on and you can forgive yourself. I'm now in my 30's & every morning when I go into my daughter's room *international adoption last year as a single parent* and see her smile up at me & call me Momma, I just know that life does go on & that there are the most amazing days ahead. And I'm pretty sure that although she's not here physically... Kirsten is still with me in some way, if only in my heart.

If I had to guess I'd go out on a limb & say that our unborn children forgive us too because, for better or worse, we are & will always be their mothers, and even the best mothers can make some really hard decisions from time to time. Forgive yourself, it's time.

*hugs* from someone who understands.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for you guys who have had abortions and are tortured by it. Please try to forgive yourselves. I've never been in that situation, so I have no idea what I would do, but I know that it would be a heartwrenching decision. Give yourself a break. What would you tell someone else? It seems that we are always harder on ourselves than we would be on a stranger. Talk to yourself in the mirror as though you are a stranger. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself. Best wishes to you #850. I think adoption would be hard also because you would always wonder if something horrible was happening to your baby. There are adoption agencies that let hook you up with families that will give you as much or as little info on the baby for the rest of his/her life. Maybe that would make you feel better? I don't know, but you must do what is in your heart. Don't do what HE wants you to do--do what you want you to do.

Anonymous said...

#843: I am in the same boat as you, although I have never been unfaithful. I know what it's like to be married to an egotistical and selfish asshole. Just know you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

#846 I hear you. Why do some people think they can use other people as emotional punching bags? My husband does that, too.
#850 My thoughts are with you, whatever you decide. I'm married, and there were still some days during pregnancy when I was ready to terminate. I have a child now, but I can't imagine what I would have done in your situation.

Anonymous said...

#850: I wish you peace.

Kristen said...

OH my GOD! The first confession about the ring? Was that me? LOL. because that is so true. I don't remember submitting one, but it's definitely me. Daughter, ring, all that. So he better do it soon. He has till Christmas because that's when he promised it by. And mine better be pink.

Anonymous said...

#850... I wish you the best. I don't know you, but my thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide.

Anonymous said...

#841, I hear you. To a tee, daughter and all. But I realized that the only reason I really cared about having a big shiny engagement ring is so I could show it off to other people, and at this point I'd rather spend the several thousand dollars it would take on a romantic trip somewhere tropical or something..

Anonymous said...

9:46 pm.
Thank you, you will never know how much that meant to me.

#847

Anonymous said...

I had an abortion many years ago and I have never felt any sorrow or regret over it. It was the right choice for the fetus, for the man and for myself. I would not be the mother I am today had I chosen a differnt path. I wish you the very best in your choice.

Anonymous said...

843-- LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

#850 Please be at peace with your decision before you go through the procedure. Speaking from experience, it helps tremendously. I often wonder "what if", but there are so many what ifs in life, you can't beat yourself up over all of them. Should you decide to go through with it, take care of yourself. There are things too look and watch for afterwards, talk to your doctor. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

#847 and #850 -

I too had an abortion when I was just 21 years old. I was married and the baby was my husband's but we had a daughter that was only 6 months old and we could barely take care of her. I know now that I made the right decision for myself and my child. I have since divorced him and although he sees our daughter, he is not the father I would have chosen for her so I am glad that 2 kids did not have to go through this.

Only you know if you are making the right decision. If you can and want to then you can have that baby with or without him.

I truly wish you well in whatever decision you make and please don't ever let anyone make you feel like you made the wrong one.

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for the support.

I know that I'm making the right choice. It's hard, and I've got a long road ahead of me. But it would be selfish of me to bring a child into this world knowing that I would be all it had and knowing how little I have to give. Someday, I will be able to give a child all the things it needs and deserves. Until then, I have to do what's right for right now.

#850

Anonymous said...

#850: You will feel the pain and regret for the rest of your life. There is assistance out there to help you make ends meet...and looking into that beautiful baby's face for the first time will make everything worthwhile...

Anonymous said...

8:10 pm, have you ever tried to get assistance? I'm guessing not, or you wouldn't be so cavalier about saying "There is assistance out there to help you make ends meet."