Wednesday, October 04, 2006

True Wife Confessions 87, total of fourscore and seven....

Confession #871

I know you've been avoiding me and I know you've been lying to me. I think it's hilarious that you assume I am that stupid. If you don't want to be friends anymore at least have the decency, consideration and BALLS to tell me. I've always been there for you. Don't avoid me like a coward. With friends like you, who needs enemies?

Confession #872

By doing nothing now you are confirming your daughter's conviction that you are a bad father.

If you were capable of putting yourself in another's shoes, you might realise that this is likely what your own father did: Nothing. Do you honestly think he liked being the bad father? I'm sure he realised in your absence what it was he'd done to drive you away and wished he could have made some kind of reconciliation, but had no idea how to go about it and so did nothing. It may be easier to do nothing, but look at how much you regret not being able to make amends with him. You do want the same thing to happen with you and your daughter?


Confession #873

Dear Husband,

I love you in every way I can imagine. Except the most important. You don't love my child like you love me or like I love her. Having lived without companionship and love and conversation for so long, I had become accustomed to it. Then, I met you and you were those things and more and I welcomed it. I was cautious and I thought I was right. But, when I'm enjoying and loving you, in front of her and she sees you loving me right back, I feel like she knows that you don't love her, even though I see you try, and I feel like a traitor. And, I am, I suppose. I keep thinking that it'll grow on you, that it takes time, because she's not yours. And, you act like her father when you discipline and talk and explain and instruct, but that is all you do with her. She craves your attention and when you come home and take mine, she tries to get in between so that she isn't left out by you AND me and when you think she's being annoying and I tell you that she needs you, the weak attempts and insincerity almost make me not love you anymore. But, they make me hate myself for meeting the almost perfect man. And, I am going to leave you, because I love her more than I love having you in my life. But, I've never loved anyone like you. And, I keep waiting to hate you for something, to make it easier to leave. And, I hate myself for not leaving and for not thinking that your non-existent relationship with my daughter isn't a good enough reason to leave. And, I am angry, because up until we committed to each other, you were a great Dad. And, I am angry, because I let her call you Dad, when she was just fine having a single Mom and now she feels left out of a whole family. I love you. Oh well. Now she'll be a product of a broken home, instead of the one she started with, which was perfect before you came into our lives with all your promises and idealistic dreams masked as truth and love for the both of us. You are worse than her biological father. He didn't pretend to be here, he just wasn't. She's growing up feeling excluded, like an aggravation and that is not good enough. You should not be my husband. You should not be my father's daughter.

Confession #874

Hubby,

I need to quit my job. If you don't understand why, then I will put
it in terms that you can understand: my boss wants to have sex with
me and given the huge amount of time that I spend at the office, I
feel more and more of a pull towards an infidelity that I do not want
or need.

I am scared ... so very scared of what may happen next. I don't even
want to go to the office tomorrow. I want to hop in the car and drive
somewhere, ANYWHERE else but there. There is just so much dysfunction
(you know it's bad when the HR director is the one engaging in
near-blatant sexual harassment) and I just don't know what to do next.

Please believe me when I say that I love you. Please also believe me
when I say that I need to get OUT of that environment!!!

I do love you. I'll be strong, but if things go too far, I'm giving
my notice. The benefits don't make up for the insanity.

Your adoring wife

Confession #875

So we are still under the same roof - we've decided to try. What I don't know how to tell you is that the last thing in the entire world I feel like doing right now is trying. Getting "advice" from our friends and family is driving me into a state of absolute anger and frustration, and I never want to come home to this place at night. I'm SO sick of talking, that every time you start, I want to scream. I don't know how I'll ever get in the right frame of mind to make this work. I'm frustrated and I'm mad at you simply for being you - and you are great. But not for me. Not right now. And yes, I will probably pay for it later when I'm desperately lonely and you've moved on and have the family you've always wanted. But I think I deserve to to be lonely. I've done quite wrong by you, and I would like this to end, so I can go gallivanting about, sleeping with strangers and living my life alone. Sorry. I feel like if we go to counseling, I'll be going through the motions while picturing the amazing sex I had recently that you will never know anything about.

Confession #876

I love you. You are a wonderful husband and a great provider, but today I wanted to ask you if you were crazy and/or stupid.

You have a good chance at getting a job three hours away that will give you a raise that would be the same as me working, but I would get to still be a stay at home mom. My staying home was something that I thought we both wanted. Yes, I know it would mean moving and that idea scares me as much as it does you. However, being afraid of moving is NO reason to turn the job down when your current company offers to change your status from contract employee to permanent employee and give you only five grand a year more. Five grand is duck sh*t compared to what the other company is offering!

What blows my mind is that you are seriously considering it!

I hope you know that I would never leave you over something as piddly as money; I love you too much. However, if you turn down this opportunity without some serious consideration, I am pretty sure that you will live in hell for a few weeks. Just consider this forewarning.

Confession #877

I can't stop fantasizing about a man I almost dated before my husband and I
reunited after a breakup. My husband is an awesome father, the love and
heart of my life and a really lousy lay. He just doesn't get it no matter
how much I try to give him help, guidance, etc. I am so frustrated that I'm
going to spend the rest of my life not having wall slamming, awesome sex.
Most of the time it just feels like mutual masturbation versus lust.

Confession #878

I have to confess -- I am no longer attracted to you. You've gained about 40 pounds during the past year or two, and that huge beer belly has no appeal whatsoever. Your hair has turned completely grey, and while I can take it on your head, grey chest hair is totally disgusting. And those teeth? Geez -- they're about as yellow as any I've ever seen. With that white mustache right on top of them, they look even worse. All that coffee, smoking, and red wine has taken its toll. So every time I look at you, I see flab, white hair, and yellow teeth. Yuck. I'm no longer interested in getting anywhere near you.

Confession #879

I really wish i could leave you. i am so sick and tired of your constant whining and complaining. you are the most negative person i know. i hate you more every day i stay. i hate dealing with your mother, who you get it from. you treat everyone like crap, then bitch when someone treats you that way.
you wonder why our son wanted to kill himself, you are the reason for his rotten self worth.
i wish you would just die.
i am also really sick and tired of you nagging about sex. i have a full time job, two kids, and you to clean up after. i am not in the mood for sex the minute you touch my breasts.

BEAT IT BOZO.

Confession #880

I have always said that actions speak louder then words. I hope my actions show you everyday, how much I truly care for you, and how much I want you to be happy and satisfied. I love you with my whole heart but unfortunately I never realized how much I care about you until after I had a one night stand with someone else. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Everytime you treat me with anything less then respect I feel like I deserve it because I slept with someone else. You don't know I did it and I want to tell you but I don't want to lose you. I know you would never understand that it was the biggest mistake of my life and Iw ould never do anything to hurt you again. I am not going to tell you, I am going to show you every single day how much I love you. Please forgive me for being so awful.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Flame me if you like, but I don't understand all the cheating. I understand being tempted, and I'm not a prude, but what did you think you were doing when you made that commitment to honor your spouse? It's the ultimate in selfishness, because you are taking the power away from the other person to choose whether or not they want to be with a cheater. Sure your husband may not be perfect, or give you those "feelings" but does that mean he deserves that?

This is real life. It takes work. If you don't want to do the work, let him go.

Anonymous said...

AMEN, 9:48.

Anonymous said...

#873- Good for you for putting your child first!

Anonymous said...

873: I hope you're not just all talk and no action. You've GOT to leave him or the emotional devistation that's being done to your daughter will ruin her. She'll grow up insecure and lonely and most likely marry a loser. If you do leave, I'll be impressed.

FireKatt7 said...

good call 9:48

Anonymous said...

873
If he is as good a man as you say, maybe his relationship with your daughter would benefit from counseling. It can’t hurt to try.

Anonymous said...

#880 - don't tell him; you want to tell him because you'll feel better, but it will just make him feel terrible. If you want to confess, go find a priest or a therapist. Unless you caught something, there is no reason to burden him with that knowledge. If you're truly sorry (and it sounds like you are) this is something you'll have to carry yourself. This is one of those situations were ignorance truly is bliss. And for God's sake, don't ever, ever even think about pulling this out as a weapon when you're fighting; just bury it down deep.

Anonymous said...

To #873:

You describe what I am experiencing at this exact moment in time. I have gone over and over with him ways to interact with her or offer up suggestions on things to do with her. I also have told him to come to me if he had questions. He stated before we were married that he wanted to adopt her. He has made no effort and do not feel that he ever will. At this point I would not let him if he tried.

I am in counseling, she is now in counseling, and we are trying to figure out what the hell is going on anymore.

Your "confession" has hit home. I admire your determination. Good luck to you and your child. I know what it feels like to have been more stable as a single parent than in a blended family.

Anonymous said...

873- My heart goes out to your daughter. PLEASE do everything you can to get her help and to show her how valuable she is. She has now been rejected by two fathers and I can not imagine what that does to a little girl. Maybe the counseling would help. It sure would be a lot better than her having the experience of two men not caring about her at her young age. Why do men do this? I can't believe it.

Anonymous said...

I am living proof that 11:31 knows exactly what she is talking about.

Anonymous said...

Me too, 4:35.

Anonymous said...

As a divorced mother who hopes to remarry one day, #873 and those who have addressed comments to her have given me something to consider very carefully if I ever bring a new man into my children's lives. Thank You.

Anonymous said...

You ROCK 5:53! Who knows how many lives are touched for the better from TWC? Thanks, Dawn... you rock, too!

Anonymous said...

I am also living proof that 11:31 knows what she is talking about. My parents divorced when I was 2, she remarried and was divorced again by the time I was 8. I don't have a relationship with either "father" and I am still struggling with this, I am 30 years old.

Anonymous said...

#879

If my children were so miserable with a man that they would want to kill themselves, I would be gone in a heartbeat. What justification could there be for staying? You are horrible for staying when it is harming your kids. They don't have a choice, you do. Well, they do have a choice, end it all...is that what you want?

I will never understand women staying when it is harming their child. I would live in a box before I allowed that to happen.

Anonymous said...

#880

I've walked a mile in those shoes, and I regret it every day even after 10 years. I didn't sleep with him, but I kissed him and I still feel just as horrible about what I did. I hope to God he never finds out, because my stupidity made me realize just how much I adore my husband...I understand completely where you're coming from.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I am going through the same things as 871. With me sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me for my "friend" to be acting this way, but recently I have some to the conclusion that it is just her. NOT ME. Good riddance... Also when you called my husband for advice on your relationship and told him not to tell me about it what do you think the first thing he did is?

Anonymous said...

10:35, give yourself a break. I agree that kissing another man was not the most inocent thing to do, but you are not in the same league with the adulterers at all. Be proud that you stopped in time instead of beating yourself up over something you can't change.

Anonymous said...

#874 : Just leave. Or let your husband know if you don't you will cheat. Leave.

Cheryl said...

#873...Are you sure we're not married to the same man? My husband is in the military, so it seems like he has a good excuse to be gone every day...but just like you, it seems as though he only wants to jump in to discipline or teach, and he seemed like such a good dad before we were married. I hope you have the strength to leave him, and I hope someday I have to strength to leave mine.

Anonymous said...

Ok, hate to be so picky, but where are confessions 861-870?