Friday, October 27, 2006

True Wife Confessions 105 Works of Man Ray

Confession #1041

There is a group of us... we call ourselves the Secret Widows. There's more of us than you'd think... and that is what is so very sad about it. Beneath the facades of happy marriage lies these rotten truths.
We hate you, but it's a quiet, sort of patient hatred.
We all used to love you, our husbands. We thought you were different from "typical" men. We thought you loved us. What a joke it all turned out to be. You took all of the promises and turned them into betrayals. You took our faithfulness and turned to other women. You have lied and cheated and broken us too many times now...
it's our turn to lie.
We still smile and say all of the right thing. We still pretend to listen when you talk. We go on in our lives as if we have forgiven and forgotten.
But we haven't.
Each of us, we secret widows, is just waiting for (counting on) you to die first.
The we'll be free.
We will act sad.
Maybe even shed a tear.
only the rest of us will know the truth.
We can wait.... and keep ourselves very, very healthy.

Confession #1042

Honey I love you with all of my heart. You mean more to me than any man
ever has and I treasure you....

That being said, contrary to my attempts at feigning cluelessness, I DO
know/notice when another man is checking me out or when he's flirting
with me. I would NEVER cheat on you and I would never disrespect you by
flirting back. While I don't overtly encourage it, I don't mind the
attention and I actually like it and I know exactly why:

1. Deep down I am desperately insecure and though you are great about
giving my compliments, affection and attention, it flatters me when
other men find me attractive.


2. I don't think it hurts for you to know that there are other men
interested in me because you've hurt me before and what's wrong with
you knowing there are other men that would trade places with you in a

Confession #1043

Why is it I've given you hundreds of blowjobs and have gotten nothing in
return? You go down on me but then always stick it in. You always get
something. Why can't you go down on me, make me orgasm and then not get
anything in return? Why is sex always about you or us? Why can't it be, for
once, just about me?
Oh, and when you do go down on me, for fuck sake! Quit acting like I'm
pulling your teeth! Remember when you told me that it's about the attitude
when a woman gives a blow job? How it's sexy when she's into it and enjoying
it? Take your own advice. It is NOT a turn on to look down and see you're
completely bored and knowing you can't wait for it to be over.

Confession #1044

Because I love you, I want to warn you I'm going to blame you for us not having children.We've talked about this too many times already. You keep saying we need to wait until we're "financially stable", whatever that means, on your salary and mine. Too bad I don't want to keep waiting because what we have is enough for at least one child. The funny thing is that my body can't wait forever. Neither can yours. I think you'll end up blaming me anyway for not making enough money. It's too bad that I've resigned myself that this day, when we will start trying to have children will never happen, at least not with you. That's my biggest regret of our marriage.

Confession #1045

I have to confess -- I actually don't care if you have an affair. In reality, I would be thrilled if you did, because then we could get a divorce and end this farce of a marriage. I'm not interested in having an affair myself, because, well, I *did* that with you, and look how that's turned around to bite me in the butt. So no more affairs for me. But please -- go ahead and have one yourself. It would be a relief for me.

Confession #1046

Yes, I still read this site every day. Now I'm about to make my first confession and I hope you read it. Here it goes...I still love you. Maybe even more today than I did yesterday.
You made a stupid mistake. You admitted it, and that should have been the end of it. I'm sure there are a lot of girls out there that would have taken it in stride. True, I KNOW you didn't cheat on me, and I KNOW things were different then, and I know you lied to me because you didn't want me to think differently about you. But because of people in my past, I have a hard time trusting people. I'm working through that...and it's because of you. You've let me see that not everybody is as bad as they seem at first, and that it is ok to trust somebody else with my heart. I don't have to be on guard with you, and I never look for hidden meaning behind what you say. Nothing, not even your "confession" has changed that. I just needed time for myself to think about it and deal with it in my own terms.
I know we're not perfect, and I know there's plenty of time to make more mistakes, but you live you learn. Right?
I love you and yes, I still read this site and feel glad that among infinite number of jerks out there- - I got one of the good ones. That brings me to confession number 2-I'm impressed that you've had that new hamper for nearly a week and you've STILL been good about putting your dirty clothes in it.
The apartment is coming along nicely. I can't believe how much effort you've put in so far to make it into "our" home. I'm really looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life and in our relationship.
And just so you know this confession IS for you - - -FNA ;-)

Confession #1047

If I find one more paper fast food cup sitting next to the sink, as if you’re going to wash it and re-use it until the end of time, I’m going tie you down and make you eat it! You’re a fricking mechanical engineer with years of higher education. Use your head for Christ sakes. A retarded monkey would know that it takes just as much energy to walk that cup to the kitchen sink, as it does to walk it to the kitchen garbage! I’m your wife, the mother of your kids, and work full time. I don’t have it in me to be your garbage man to.

Confession #1048

Not everyone is as perfect as you. I know you don't have Issues. I know you never go to a party and drink too much and start to cry. I know you are not insecure and don't need to be reminded that there's a good reason to be with you. But I do, and I am. And I'm sorry about that, but if you keep saying you don't want to break up with me and you mean it, you'll need to accept that sometimes I'm fucked up. I warned you.

Confession #1049

When we talk on the phone, is it too much to expect your attention? I can hear you clicking away on the keyboard, and those gaps where I am expecting a response and you don't say anything let me know that you aren't listening.

This kind of behavior tells me that you don't care about me, that you are selfish, that you aren't interested. Is that what you are trying to say?

Confession #1050

I love you, but I'm not sure I want to marry you. We live well
together, but I don't think we'll make it for the long haul. I'm
already so sick of fighting with you about helping with the housework,
and asking you to please not come up and hump me from behind every time
I bend over to clean the cat's litterbox or empty the dishwasher. I
don't want to end up like my parents; I don't ever want to hate you.
And I think if we get married, we might end up hating each other. I'm
so afraid of that, but I don't want to lose you.


Anonymous said...

#1041: I don't get it. Why are you waiting for your husbands to die? Just get a divorce already. If you are unhappy, get out. This isn't the dark ages when women were considered chattel.

#1045: Why does your husband have to have an affair for you to get a divorce? Even if you live in a state that still requires grounds for divorce, you can live apart for a period of time and that will constitute grounds. It's really not that difficult.

Anonymous said...

@11:08 - hear, hear -- all that passive-aggressive stuff is just going to end up hurting both parties. If the marriage is broken beyond repair, just end it already, stop waiting on your husbands to die or cheat.

Anonymous said...

1041... Seriously that's just wasting your lives! What if you die first? You'll never know happiness. I don't understand why you even want to pretend to be happy.

Anonymous said...

Divorce is not always as simple as 11:03 and 11:27 make it out to be. There may be children to deal with, assets to be divided, major expenses to be incurred. The courts generally favor the wronged spouse. So the person who has the affair gets the worse deal in the divorce settlement. Or the person who moves out, leaving the home, will get the lesser settlement.

So it's not as simple as just living apart for a while. Not by a long shot. Not when there are children or large financial holdings to deal with.

Anonymous said...

This is @11:08. My divorce was extraordinarily simple (no children, no large financial holdings) -- I concede that, but it just strikes me that it is not *so* complicated that there is no way out other than waiting for your husband to die or to cheat. I think that if you really want to get out, there is a way.

Anonymous said...

My divorce was exceedingly complex and the proceedings drug on for nearly a year. So not all divorces are as simple as you make them sound.

And while there may be simpler methods, if the husband has threatened to have an affair, then if he were to go ahead and do so, that would greatly simplify the whole process. It depends on how close he is to actually following through, I think.

House of Suz said...

When I read complaints like the one from 1047 all I can think is there's something else bugging her besides a lingering paper cup. Throw it away yourself. Something that insignificant isn't worth that amount of teeth gnashing.

Anonymous said...

i hate it when people use children as being a reason to stay married. I have many friends who were children of parents that hated eachother and still kept up the facade of a happy marriage and that has effected them more that my friends of divroced parents. if both parties are unhappy, can't one say to other - "what the hell are we doing? let's part ways?" and have it not turn into some huge mess? I obviously don't understand because there are so many cases out there.

Unknown said...

#1041 - I am an unmarried man and I think I may actually start fearing for my life.

I love reading and looking to small windows of anonymous people...but that anonymous person scares me.

Mitzi Green said...

1041--that's just fucking sad. i don't understand why women continue to think it's so much more honorable to stay in a shitty marriage than to break up the "happy family." there's no honor in martyrdom. just look at where joan of arc ended up.

Anonymous said...

There are a lot more of them (the secret widows)than you think. I can think of four that live right here on my street.
They are the womn who need the money, the house, the support for their children, yes. But the ones who are most stuck are afraid that if they leave, the husband will kill them, the kids, or himself.
You who are protesting make life into soemthing black and white but it's gray gray gary and no one knows that better than the woman who dreams of leaving but chooses not to, because of the repurcussions that she will not be able to live with.
They know how you would scorn their decisions and that is why they are the SECRET widows.
Those of you that think this is ridiculous, count yourselves lucky. There's a hell of a lot of us in this boat.

Mitzi Green said...

hey, 3:19, i was one of the ones afraid that the db would run off with my son, or stop paying child support, or kill me (or all of the above), but i eventually realized--none of those, not even having him put a bullet in my head, would be worse than spending the rest of my life being beaten down and treated worse than a dirty damn dog by that jackass. it was hard--almost 3 years later, it's STILL hard, as i have a restraining order but am still dealing with his insanity and control issues daily in a very long, expensive and emotionally draining custody battle--but it's been so worth it. i am now married to someone who loves me and appreciates me (and loves my kid, too) and has made me realize good, healthy relationships DO exist. being a single mom is damn hard, but it was a helluva lot worse to be a battered wife.

Anonymous said...

#1050- If you're concerned, don't do it. I did, and it has turned into a daily struggle. Take the time to try to work ut the kinks, don't put on the ring until you can live with the way thins ARE< not the way you hope they'll be.

Anonymous said...

After I married my first husband without living with him first and he turned out to be the worst husband on the planet, I made sure I lived with my fiance for at least two years before we got married. It worked out pretty well. It's been 12 years and no scary surprises.

I know people change as they get older, but do they really change that much? I'm just curious if living together for a few years is the right answer or not?

I wonder how many of you lived with your fiances before you got married and if so, for how long? Thank you.

Anonymous said...

4:42 I lived with my husband for 2 years as well before we married. We lived together for a year and then were engaged for another year and living together. We've been married now for 12 years. My mother was married three times, she always told me, "You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it!" I agree.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I dated for 3 years before getting married. We have been married almost 3 years. We didn't live together, didn't even so much as stay at one another's places, and I am glad. It was because of our faith, but also provided a whole new experience, and nothing was a surprise to me.

I knew exactly the person whom I chose to marry, already knew what would (and currently does) annoy me, and what I would love about living together. It may be different if people are still trying to really impress one another, but we were very real and honest, and there were no problems in transitioning after marriage.

Anonymous said...

1050: Isn't that humping thing the most annoying thing in the world? And they always think they're being cute and sexy. Gah! If my ex had only known how close he came to losing his penis and testicles when he did that while I was unloading knives from the dishwasher!

Anonymous said...

Fact: Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds. (UN Study On The Status of Women, Year 2000)
Fact: 64% of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked since age 18 were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date. (Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, November, 2000)
Mitzi you were one of the lucky ones who got out alive, and even you admit it's not over yet. I'm not taking the chance of leaving my children without a mother.

Anonymous said...

#1041 -- can i join your group?!