Tuesday, October 17, 2006

True Wife Confession 96, South Carolina

Confession #951

I offered to take us to Jamaica for our anniversary. I was paying. I found a good deal on the Internet. You insisted that your friend's wife would be able to get a better deal. So, I let you take over the arrangements. Well, our anniversary is coming up and we aren't going anywhere.

Confession #952

Does your wife know that you call me? Does your wife know the emails and pictures you sent me exist? Does she know that when you came home from Iraq that it was me you wanted to see? That we had the chance, and did not meet. That we both stayed faithful, in name, to our marriages? Does she know that if not for your children and mine, you would have come to me? That you still think about me and watch me from afar? And that I watch you, watching me. And how terribly sad all of this makes me?

Confession #953

At times, I wish you'd die. It would be easier on me and the kids than getting a divorce.

Confession #954

I can't believe you had the nerve to ask me what was wrong with me because I've been bitchy lately.

Lets think about this for a minute, ok? We have bills up to the eyeballs and you don't seem to want to help work to pay them off. Five months of doing dick all and now that you have a job, you've only gone there 50% of the time. Seems like you're perfectly happy to have me work my ass off so you can sit on your ass all day. I should be asking what's wrong with YOU!

Confession #955

when you stay in the shower for 27 minutes And I am waiting to get in there, I turn the hot water on in the kitchen and let it run so you will think you have used all the hot water and get out of the damn shower.

Confession #956

When we are supposed to go out on a date, you should not call a college buddy while were on our way out the door. You spent the evening reminiscing with him about how great fraternity life was 20 years ago. I spent the evening dressed up and working on my scrapbooks. Great date night. I can see where I rank in your life.

Confession #957

"I didn't know what to get you so I didn't get you anything" is the most selfish thing I 've every heard regarding my birthday and Valentine's Day present. It isn't what you get someone but rather the acknowledgement.

Confession #958

You are going bald, yes honey I noticed.

Confession #959

Not okay to leave the hospital when I am in labor. You almost missed the birth of our daughter because you left to feed the dog. I called you at home right before I started pushing. I was in labor for less than 8 hours to include the 10 minutes of pushing. The fat, lazy dog could have waited.

Confession #960

A confession to a confessor: Hey Number 747, I am 744, and to you I say "come to the dark side" But be forewarned it is a dark place, lonely sometimes, stressful always, and not one much looked on with love and affection by others. You may find yourself with no one to talk to, and no one who understands, and those who know will judge you.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

#953... I think the same thing everyday too. Sad, isn't it?

Target, a clothing store, anything! said...

How come husbands can't manage to buy a gift certificate? A gift certificate would be better than getting nothing at all.

Anonymous said...

959, that happened to me too. Only he ran back to the office because it was taking too long. And the day after I spent all day alone at the hospital because he was at work.

Anonymous said...

953-I think it all the time.

Anonymous said...

#960...

That's because it's a LOUSY thing to do!

Julie said...

#959 and 11:08: What??? Are these men still walking around, because I am confident your looks of death when they finally walked through the doors would have just made them spontaneously combust. Grrrrr! Asshat awards to both your hubbies.

Anonymous said...

952- as a wife of a deployed soldier- you make me sick.

Anonymous said...

Ditto to anon 11:47.

Anonymous said...

952 here.

I didn't chase him ladies. He pursued me.

Maybe one should put some responibility on the men? God forbid we hold them responsible for their actions. No, lets blame the woman.

And note I said we didn't meet.

Anonymous said...

That's not the point 952. When you found out he was married why didn't you walk away? It's that easy honey. He'll get credit(negative credit) where credit is due, you my friend better watch out for Karma. You are the intruder. You are the dealbreaker. Take some responsibility and practice some self control. Being a cheater isn't something to brag about.

Anonymous said...

952- and when you found out he was married, you still went along with it? he's not getting any credit either- but when he pursued you, you didn't TRY to make him stop? put a block on your email, myspace, IM, whatever. He had a WIFE back home waiting for him- he wasn't right, but you definitely weren't innocent in all this.

Anonymous said...

952 again.

What is amazing to me is that women are always holding other women to higher expectations than men.

Yes, I knew he was married. Yes, I am married. Yes, he was my "true love" - the one who broke my heart at 20. So no, it isn't as easy as blocking email, or turning him away.

Why do women who confess that they love someone else from their past get empathy, but when I say that this has happened, I get called a cheater?

I'm sick of seeing women attacked as if it is their responsibility to hold a higher moral ground. Geesh.

Anonymous said...

952. I don't think anyone is holding you to a higher standard or blaming him less. You are the one that is here and you are the one we are talking to. If he were here we would say the same or worse to him. Why is it that you seem to blame yourself less than you blame him? And yes, if you are a mature adult with some self control, it really IS that easy to just pull the plug before things get out of hand. You act like you deserve credit for not sleeping with him yet, but your pride in what you seem to see as a victory over his wife is disturbing.

Anonymous said...

952 again. Did you not read the last line? How terribly sad all of this makes me?

I do not view this as a victory over his wife or anyone else. It's sad. Just sad.

I'm not gloating at all. This "thing" has caused me more suffering and mental anguish than I ever want to go through again.

But guess what - he still communicates. Yes, I don't acknowledge or respond, but he does.

And my question to HIM is "Does your wife know?", because I dare to think she does not. No, I am sure she views her husband as protector and faithful husband/father. Because as a Catholic and a "faithful" husband he would Never, never, never? Right.

Wrong.

Anonymous said...

952: Why are all of your comments only directed toward yourself, as if you are the only one affected by your actions? i.e.: "This "thing" has caused me more suffering and mental anguish than I ever want to go through again." How about the "mental anguish" of your children spouse, or his? They had nothing to do with this. You are not a victim because you are missing your life at age 20.

Also, I, speaking only for myself, do not hold women to a higher moral standard, but simply a moral one at all. Both you and he are equal partners in this deception. Being contacted does not leave you defenseless to this man's charms. It does not reprieve you of your responsibility in this affair. Because it doesn't matter that you didn't have sex, you both deceived your spouses and chose your own whims over their well being.

Anonymous said...

Hey, you know what? I think women SHOULD be held to a higher standard. Men cheat more readily than women do, it's just a fact of life.
But they COULDN'T if women wouldn't do it with them!
I think cheating should be a major taboo among women.
Women need to stick together, and not do things to hurt each other, like sleeping with someone else's husband.

Anonymous said...

holy hell....and you wonder why dawn runs out of confessions. who wants to confess only to deal with the shit thrown at you afterward

952 - your situation sucks and for all of those in it or who have been through i'm sure they can empathize. who doesn't miss things from the past.

for everyone getting in her face about it......read.....she didn't actually do anything, she's aware that he talks to her, writes to her, etc. she didn't say she slept with him, she didn't gloat to his wife about how passionate an affair it is like other people on here have, she's not professing to be a cheater, she just sayin how it is. all she did was state that it was occuring, so for all those in the lynch mob that daily wait around to rip someone apart, i say leave her be

As for Karma, hopefully if you find yourself in her position or one of similiar emotional severity you'll receive less judgement and rock slinging and more offers of advice

Anonymous said...

in general if a married man decides to cheat on his wife its HIS fault, not the other womans. while i would want to rip off the head of the other woman and beat her lifeless body with it shes not the one i would really be blaming. if she knows hes married of course she should end it, but honestly its the mans fault. hes the one whos married, he made a promise to be faithful and its HIS fault for breaking that promise, not the tramps. i'd like to think i keep my guy happy enough in our bed to not have to worry about this but if ever he did step out i know who i'd be blaming. HIM! (then i'd find her and smack her, but really. why should i expect other women to be anything other than catty and nasty? i expect guys to have trouble keeping thier penises in thier pants, but i always expect other women to be trampy little things who cant be trusted around any one elses men... but then i'm probably a little jaded and i tend not to much care for other girls because theyre not very nice most of the time)

and hey, at least 952 stayed faithful. doesnt that count for something?

Anonymous said...

#952 I think you are brave to have resisted so far. And it is sad-- especially considering what you said about having been involved with this man in the past. I think a lot of people wind up leaving behind their true loves, getting married to someone else, and only realizing after it's too late. I'm sorry people have been bashing you so viciously.

That said, I think you should cut off contact with this man. I feel sorry for you, but I feel sorrier for his wife, and your husband. You can't fix whatever is wrong with your marriage that is making you unhappy if you're constantly fantasizing about being married to someone else.

Anonymous said...

A woman who knowingly intrudes in someone elses relationship is a cheater. Cheaters suck, Cheaters suck....so FUCK OFF 5:28.

Anonymous said...

#952, 4:02. Maybe I was too quick to say that you considered it a victory over his wife. Maybe you really are just very sad about this whole thing, but I still don't understand how you think you are doing enough to fix this. You say you are not responding to him, but that is clearly not getting your point across. You have to decide who is more important. This guy or your family. If you choose your family then you have got to get rid of him and burn the bridge behind you. This friendship can't be salvaged. You have to let him know in no uncertian terms that it is over. Hurt his feelings if you have to. Don't worry, he deserves it. If you really mean to salvage your marriage then you can't leave any paths open between you and this man. If you are not ready to do that then maybe you shouldn't be married. But I wouldn't leave my husband for him if I were you, because he will just do to you later what he is doing to his wife now.

Anonymous said...

I don't compromise my integrity to be in such a similiar place of "emotional severity", 5:28. I respect my husband more than my fleeting emotions. And, yes, I have a past love, and I understand memories. I still wouldn't ever have contact like that. It rips lives apart.

Anonymous said...

Because I was both the other woman and the woman who got left, I can see this argument from both sides. I was naive to think that a man who would cheat could ever be faithful to me and wasn't at all surprised when he walked out. It hurts either way. It hurts to be the woman stuck between love and morality and it hurts to be the woman who's done nothing but love someone only to have them throw that away.

That being said, it's high time women stop blaming eachother. Yes, it's wrong. Yes, it's horrible that we have so little respect for ourselves and eachother that we would settle for someone else's husband/boyfriend/whatever. But we're all looking for the same thing in the end. We all want that person who makes us feel safe and loved, and when you're so desperate for those things, sometimes you compromise what you believe in.

Rambling, but neverless, stop playing the blame game. We can't control who we fall for, but 952 controlled her actions, doesn't that count for something?

Anonymous said...

you think she controlled her actions just because she didn't fuck him? She was the intruder in the relationship when she found out he was married and didn't walk away. I don't call that controlling her actions.

Anonymous said...

Why isn't HE the intruder. He could have known she was married?

Why blame her?

Anonymous said...

As the wife of a man who had an emotional affair - yes that is what you are having/or had 952 it doesn't count that she didn't sleep with him.

An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical affair. Trust and intimacy is betrayed and it is so hard to get it back. By knowingly participating in conversations, e-mails etc that you both know your spouses would not approve of is cheating PERIOD. Both parties should be held equally accountable and you are only getting blasted because you put yourself out there on an obviously sensative topic. Even though you feel anguish, I bet you don't feel half as bad as his wife. Your confession (in my eyes) is tantamount to bragging.

And to the one who said her husband would never cheat because you keep him satisfied, don't be so sure of yourself because I was once in your shoes and today, he cannot go out of the house without me knowing EXACTLY who he is meeting, where he is going and when he will be home and if I ever question what he is telling me, I show up just to make sure. My marriage that was once based on trust has been destroyed because of this emotional affair and it sucks.

Anonymous said...

I'm 7:34. I agree. It sucks. I'm speaking mostly from the standpoint of having a mother who cheated and almost left and destroyed a family for her lover. I was grown/out of the house, but she was about to take her 9 year old boy, my brother, away from the most loving father in the world for her selfishness. She only stayed because my step father said he would fight for custody. I still don't trust what she says. Cheating destroys whole families, so it's very hard for me to be sympathetic to someone who's willingly putting that on the line. You CAN control your decisions, be responsible for yourself and govern your emotions. That's why we have brains...so that we are able to make the right decision.

Anonymous said...

Why blame her? Who is here basically "bragging", feeling all proud of herself because she didn't sleep with him. When her confession is tantamount to bragging. She had an affair. She is a cheater. He is not here or on THC bragging is he? Cheaters suck. Period.the. end.

Anonymous said...

My husband cheated on me.... the woman felt bad and eventually called me up and told me. At first I felt the same emotions everyone usually does- hate her hate her hate her... but then I directed it toward the one who deserved it...my husband. This woman had no relationship with me, no loyalty to me, no responsibility for my feelings... not like he did. And yet she was the one who felt guilty, who felt sad. I felt a strong sense of "womanship" with her, a strange bond between two women who were being real with each other.... although I know not many people would understand that. I thanked her for her honesty, told her that I knew it must have been a terrifying thing to do- calling me. She broke down and cried, said yes it was the hardest thing she'd ever done... it was a deeply emotional conversation, but not in a HATE way... I didn't hate her. I hated him. She had no vows with me. He did. I forgave her, asked her not to see him any longer...she promised she wouldn't and kept her word. I saved all of my rage and hatred for him, because he was the one who deserved MY RAGE and MY hatred, not a perfect stranger who had simply made the same stupid mistake I once did, falling in love with a charming, false-faced asshole.
I'm still married to him. I still see her occasionally, in the store, at the park... we always say hello.
I'll try to treat the next one the same way, because I'm sure there will be a next one.
It's him. Not her.
HIM.
I have never told this to anyone. So this is a confession of my own.

Anonymous said...

Can you imagine what the world would be like if all women treated each other that way? We would take over the world. It is our animosity towards one another (usually over MEN) that keeps us apart and keeps us from reaching our full potential.

Cindy said...

Ok this is for 4:58, men cheat more readily than women do? Hello? Who do you think they are cheating with? That is a sexist crap statement. Let's go back to the 50's when men were supposed to experienced when they got married and women were supposed to be virgins. Men get experience with women, and they cheat (sometimes) with women. And for every man who is cheating there is another person involved. And they are equally responsible.

MeDreamCatcher said...

At least here, the truth is revealed, both genders are equal opportunity unfaithful.

Anonymous said...

3:03 - why do you stay? I'm just wondering. Do you think there will be a point where you won't? I'm asking because my husband has been unfaithful in his mind/heart for years, and I've finally had enough...I find it (morbidly?) interesting to see why people stay.

3:05 - I say that ALL THE TIME. Women are so strong! But all the infighting weakens us.

Anonymous said...

I am 952.

I AM NOT BRAGGING! When did a confession become a brag?

No, his wife doesn't know, and I am sure she would feel devestated.

I am talking about ME, because it is MY confession.

I said, I feel sad. This is sad. This weighs on me in a variety of ways. I never thought I would be in a position like this in my life. I was taken by surprise.


JESUS!

Anonymous said...

Cindy...

Uh, did you actually finish reading that comment? Because what you said is actually what that post said.

Anonymous said...

I agree with plenty of things:

1. Cheating is wrong wrong wrong wrong, if you can't resist, end the relationship you are in first.

2. There are 2 parties involved in cheating who hold equal blame.

3. I hold women to a higher moral standard because I believe we are capable of higher morals, sexist of me? Yes, but I do not believe women and men are equal in all ways, some yes and those should be protected by law, workplace issues, salaries etc... but not in every way and emotional intelligence is one of those. Just my opinion.

4. Attacking confessors has become a sport on here, I have to admit I read the comments with as much enjoyment as the confessions. The attacks are often from women who have been the victims of the behaviour the confessor is admiting. While it's unfortunate to witness some viciousness, the insight into the "other side of the coin" is priceless.

Anonymous said...

This is 959. At the Nurses insistance, I called him about 30 minutes before our daughter was born. He made it 10 minutes before she arrived with beer on his breath.

How sad for him in the long run. To miss most of his daughter's birth. From start to finish it was all of 8 hours. He was bored.

However, he told everyone at work how he supported me throught the birth and was there for me. Yeah -right! He was there for all of 10 minutes.

He's also the one who got onto me for being snippy while I was in labor.

Mitzi Green said...

959--the same damn thing happened to me. right down to the fat, lazy dog needing to be fed. and he left me alone that evening so he could go buy pot. fast forward almost exactly 5 years, and i have a (necessary) restraining order against him, a kid with emotional problems, and a long, expensive custody battle that's far from over. run. run now.

Mitzi Green said...

and as for the cheater-bashing:

they're BOTH to blame. whether anyone got laid or not. an emotional affair is an affair nonetheless.

who else is to blame? the ri-goddamn-diculous double-standard that continues to keep us down as a gender. "boys will be boys," my ass. and anyone who still says men "just can't help it" can kiss my fat one.

Anonymous said...

10.36 here hope you didn't think I meant boys will be boys, certainly not my intention. I do think women are more intelligent emotionally, that's not an excuse for men to act imorally (immorally?).