Tuesday, October 03, 2006

True Wife Confessions Agent 86

Confession #851

Your tightwad tendencies piss me off more than you will ever know. I know that we're not wealthy and that we can't just throw money away. But it would not kill you to let me spend a little money on myself once in a while without following up with the goddamn riot act. You act like I'm demanding that you cut off your testicle!

Confession #852

I'm glad you're not as blatant about looking at porn on our computer as you used to be. But you're still looking and lying to me about it. I'm not stupid. When I look over there and you close the window you're looking at real fast, I know you're doing something that you know I wouldn't like. I know how to go behind you and see what you're doing, and you still do it. God, you're either a total idiot or you just don't give a damn.

Everybody tells me that all men look at porn. "Men are all about the visual." I believe it, and in theory, I have no problem with it. But when it's you, it just makes me feel even less desirable than I already do. I wouldn't have a problem looking at it with you. But you just have to sneak around, and it makes me feel like you'd rather look at anybody but me and don't want me intruding on it. It makes me feel unloved and unsexy.

I know I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing. I know the antidepressant made me uninterested in sex for way too long. I think I probably gained all this weight just so you would leave me alone. I've changed medications and the feelings are starting to come back, but you don't even try to touch me anymore after getting shot down for so long. I'm scared that I've ruined that part of our relationship for good. And you looking at other girls who look like I never will doesn't help.

You're such a good man, and you've put up with a lot from me. I don't feel like I can ask you for anything else. But I will--please, please, if you're going to look at it, keep it hidden. In this case, ignorance is bliss.

Confession #853

I am sorry for what I am about to do. This past year has been so extremely isolating for me and I resent the fact that i didn't do much about it. He makes me feel like I am carefree for the first time in a long time. I feel like anything is possible with him. He makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel hungry. And I know he is hungry for me. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. He makes me feel like I am a woman not just someone's mom. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I cannot stop this from happening because I want it so much...

Confession #854

So how do i make you leave your girlfriend???

Confession #855

I did it. I knew I was going to. I had amazing sex, all night, with a very good friend. In all honesty, I can't wait to do it again

Confession #856

You know we have a diaper pail for a reason

Considering how small this apartment is you think you could use it

I realize you are on strike against using the changing table therefore you'd have to walk 10 feet into his room to throw it away.

Honestly though? I'm going to vomit if you keep throwing our son's nasty diapers in the regular garbage. You know. The garbage you only take out every week or so or until i break down

You know I'd do it if I could. But pregnant, a small child, and health issues restrict me

So you take your sweet time on taking out the trash but for heaven's sake please. Let the rotting diapers rot somewhere that I don't have to smell them. It's hard enough to get an appetite lately but with the rotting shit trash while I try to cook? I've thrown up in my mouth for the last time.

Confession #857

You have made me so crazy these days that I can't even speak without yelling. YOU did this, not me. YOU are a fucking loser, not me. Quit asking the same questions over and over -- it's just confirming that you're an idiot. If you haven't figured "it" out by now, you're never going to figure it out. Grow up and for god's sake get a clue! You've got one thing right: I'm definitely no longer in love with you. Thanks for the assistance with that!

Confession #858

I love you, dear husband. I really do. With all my heart and soul and all that other crap.

But I check your cell phone every single day. I check incoming calls and I check outgoing calls.

Not because I’m afraid there is someone else. I’m not afraid of that at all. I’m afraid someone in your stupid family will call you and make you miserable and upset and I won’t know why you are so unhappy.

I love you. They don’t deserve someone as good and kind as you.

Confession #859

Baby, don't give up your dreams for me, or the kids, or the money. I'll miss you while you're gone, but I'd rather have you gone than sad. So go for it! We can make it work! I'll always be here when you get back home.

Confession #860

I hate your ex-wife, I hate her so much I let it consume me and it makes me want to leave you. I will never understand how she can be so evil and mean, how she can say and do all the awful things she does. Why does she get all the power? I hate myself for letting her get to me and sometimes part of me hates you for having been married to her.


Anonymous said...

852 - I could've written that myself.

Time and time again, I have told my husband that I don't mind if he looks at porn, just don't LIE or SNEAK AROUND.

Well, we were without internet access for a while, so I figured he wasn't doing it anymore.

We just got it again and I know his user id at one of the sites and found out that he was on last night from WORK. He told me he was "working late" but was really looking at porn.

It really makes me feel undesirable as well and I try everything I can to feel sexy and make him want me.

Anonymous said...

854- Why would you stay with someone who had a girlfriend?

Repeat after me, "I'm to good for this horseshit."

Keep saying it.

Anonymous said...

#856-try moving the diaper pail right next to the regular garbage can, then he has no excuse;)

#859- your post just made me happy. he's a lucky man

Sugarmama said...

#860, swap "your ex-wife" with "my ex-mother-in-law" and I'm so there. If I ever figure out how to not be so consumed by bitterness towards that woman I'll let you know.

Anonymous said...

853 - It is as if I wrote that myself. I am entering into the same situation for all the same reasons.

Anonymous said...

852--I feel the same way about my husband when it comes to porn. Now he's learned if he's going to do it he better tell me and it better not be when I'm around and he could be having the real thing!

Anonymous said...

853 - If you're anything like me, you still love your husband (or who you're with), but there's just something about this other person you cannot say no. I'm there sugar, I'm there. I was there last night, we went to dinner made love for three hours. He makes me feel like I have never, ever, felt before. I know I can't but I wish I could keep him.

Anonymous said...

#854 - You don't.

You leave him.

Anonymous said...

853- me too. we're doing it this weekend.

Anonymous said...

Cheating ladies:

Don't do it. I did it, and it was the worst mistake of my life. And the guy turned out to be an asshole, he was cheating on me with another girl, and he gave me herpes.
I'd give anything to take it back.

Anonymous said...

853 - I was there last weekend, and honestly, a few more times before that. I know I should feel guilty about it, but all I can do is hope for another evening sometime in the near future. I know I should feel regret, but I don't. I wish I could keep him too but I can't - I just wish I could have more time with him. He's gotten in my head and my heart and getting in my head is the hardest thing of all and he just slipped right in. Good luck to you 853 and all you others....

Anonymous said...

To the person who has the husband who surfs porn at work. That is very dangerous. Unless he is the Sys Admin and is in charge of the network and all computers, he can get in big trouble for surfing porn at work, even off hours. Even as the Sys Admin, there's still a way for him to get caught. No one is anonymous online! Everything that happens on a computer can be traced. Just tell him to be very careful or he will be without porn and a JOB!

Anonymous said...

854- Why would you stay with someone who had a girlfriend?

Repeat after me, "I'm to good for this horseshit."


Anonymous said...

I'm the one who said my husband looks at it at work. He will NEVER get in trouble for it though because he is the sysadmin and manager.

Anonymous said...

852: You say this: "I wouldn't have a problem looking at it with you."

But then you say, "But I will--please, please, if you're going to look at it, keep it hidden. In this case, ignorance is bliss."

You're leaving him no choice, you say you'll look at it with them but then you admit that it hurts you so much. He's stuck in a no-win situation.

I look at porn and read pornographic stories (I'm a woman) and I never ever want to cheat on my husband or wish he was more like the porn I read. If your marriage is good in other ways I'd hate to see 'eye candy' ruin it.

Melissa said...

#858: I do that TOO.

Anonymous said...

#860 - I feel this way about my husband's ex-wife. I am consumed with my hate for her, and for the need to know what she's doing in her life at all times. I know exactly what you mean when you say you sometimes hate him for having been married to her. It's awful.