Thursday, October 05, 2006

True Wife Confessions Crazy 88, O-Ren Ishii's Army

Confession #881

Sometimes you tell me that you think I love the kids more than I love you. I would die for them, but would not do the same for you. Does that make it true?

Confession #882

I don’t care if your kids hate me. I don’t care if your family hates me. I don’t want anything more in this world than to be with you, in love with you. My entire world revolves around you. I want to be the reason that you are happy, the reason you smile. I’m tired of constantly fighting with everyone because your “kids” turn everything that I say around to make me out to be a heinous beast. If that’s what they want, I can deliver, but I don’t want to hurt you. I know that it kills you the way they act and the things that they do and I just don’t want to add to that turmoil. I want your family to get their heads out of the mud and realize that these “kids” are adults and it’s time to stop enabling your son to be a drug addict and a thief and it’s time to stop enabling your daughter to be a dead-beat mother. I love our granddaughter more than my next breath and all the things I do for your daughter are SOLELY because of my love for that baby. So what’s going to give? I never wanted things to be like this. I wanted to love those kids and help them and all I get in return is hatred and name calling…I don’t want to stoop to their level, but I’m almost to the point of living as the monster they created. What in the world did we do to deserve this? You are so sweet and mellow and loving and intelligent…I can’t believe these retarded problems came from your DNA.

I love you. I will never stop loving you. BUT my fuse is about to run out and if they think things were ugly before, well they ain’t seen nothing yet.


Confession #883

I am so tired of seeing your porn everywhere i go in this house, tired of
you and your friends opening up to your "favorite" pages and shouting
"YEAH!" or "NICE!", tired of seeing tits hanging on every wall of our
garage. I used to be in the "porn is alright" camp. It never bothered me
before if my s.o. was looking at a Playboy, some internet porn, or watching
a movie - every once in awhile. I knew it was something all men do. I
didn't realize some had to do it EVERY DAY.

Sometimes I think I should be thankful that you don't have anything truly
disgusting around, that you don't spend hours on the Internet or in a strip
club. If someone held a gun to my head and asked what would I rather see for
the rest of my life, strange boobs or unknown shaved snatch, I would
definitely pick boobs. I really wouldn't care about your current magazine
obssession if they weren't in every bathroom, our bedroom, and stacked up in
the spare room. And then the fact that you and all your friends get together
and have some kind of discussion panel about it all. Could you do that when
I'm not around?

And by the way, if you could pull your head out of the biker porn/girls gone
wild shit for just a sec, you would find that you are living with a person
with an awesome rack of natural tits who you could actually hump once and
awhile. What a fucking concept - you live with a size 6 who works out every
day, who spends a fortune on her hair, waxing, and fuck me shoes, AND you
could see her naked - IN THE FLESH. Maybe the alcoholic blackouts make you
forget that is an option and you think I am just a roommate that cooks and
cleans for you.

Just sign me "Titted Out"

PS - Please stop asking everyone's girlfriends when they are going to show
you their "big guns". I know you are drunk when you do it and think it is
very cute and flattering, but you are not a hot, 20 yr old frat guy. You
are a 34 yr old man with the beginnings of a beer gut, and it is unsettling,
not to mention unbecoming.


Confession #884

Honey,
I love you. Absolutely, without a doubt. Love you. Period.

Except...
I love him too. Maybe I love him more, hell I don't know ... I do know that he needs me, that I think about him every day. It's good to be needed. I know you need me, but you never make me feel that way. I'd imagine if I left you wouldn't even notice except that your laundry didn't get done and no one asked you to take out the trash. I have to admit that I wish he'd move to Maryland with us just so I could still be close to him. I know you'd do anything for me, I know you love me and want me to be happy ... I also know you don't deserve this. The most awful part about it is that I think he loves me too. But I don't know ... I'm not sure ... I could very well be blowing smoke up my own ass and I wouldn't even know it. You told me you're uncomfortable with the idea of me spending so much time with him ... You probably should be.
Sometimes (especially at the beginning of our marriage) you used to come to bed drunk and talk about how I loved him more than I love you. You told me yesterday that you thought I was happier with him than I am with you. He makes me happy in a different way than you do. I like having someone around that shares my interests and can listen to the same music, watch the same tv and go to the same movies as me. I want to have a conversation that doesn't involve killing animals. His is the laugh-out-loud-until-milk-comes-out-your-nose, good-feeling-all-day kind of happy. Yours is the feel-good-coming-home, quiet kind of happy. He makes me want to laugh and spin around in circles, you make me want to curl up on the couch at home.

Why?

Why Why Why? Damn it, why? Maybe I don't deserve you and I know that so I'm trying to sabotage us... maybe I married you because it seemed like a good idea at the time ... kind of sporadic and random which is NOT the way a marriage should start but ... there you are. God love you but you got me by pure luck, dearest. If he'd had the balls to come up to me and tell me how he felt I'd be with him. And he loves me in a different way than either of you ... what the hell am I going to do? Love you. Move away. Hide myself.

Confession #885

I’m lonely and I’m hurting. I need you and I keep reaching out to you and you just turn the TV on, can you not feel that this past year could quite possibly be leading to the demise of our marriage? I can’t keep begging you to work with me to fix it, to get back to good. I feel myself becoming resentful, I still love you so much, but I worry, because I know that it could possibly fade away. Please, please hear me. Please pay attention to my words and the silence and tears. I love you and I want us back.

Confession #886

I know that sleeping with other men won't fix the issues of power in our marriage, but it's all I can think of right now.

Confession #887

I know you don't want another child. I know you are scared that I am going to lie and stop taking my birth control. Don't lie to me and say that you don't trust the birth control. It's me you don't trust! I would never intentionally get pregnant without you being on board. If we have another night like last night it will be a damn long time before you get sex again...........if ever! I felt used. I don't appreciate it and I don't deserve it.

Confession #888

I'm in hell. I had an amazing night of passion - an affair, if you will - with a younger man and it was incredible. I thought, no big deal - I'm not attached, this isn't a person I'm having an emotional affair with - it was a one night, strictly physical. I decided, I'd really like to do it again. So recently I had what I thought was a great opportunity. I thought everything would fall nicely into place, and everything was going so well ... I made the suggestion, and after an ackward pause he told me he already had a friend staying with him that night - a pretty girl, his own age (my words, not his). I'm not ancient, by any means, but at that moment I felt every minute of my 28 years. I was so embarrassed, I felt like crawling into a hole in the floor and dying. I made a hasty, ridiculous exit, and spent most of the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, alone, smacking my forehead in disbelief at what a complete ass I could be. I am so, so stupid. I must have left my dignity back in college. And here I am getting ready to start life alone again, as we are separating ... god, I wish I knew what to do. I'm starting to feel like I don't belong in either the married world OR the single world. This whole situation just SUCKS.

Confession #889

Last night as I lay beside you listening to you breathe I felt the first wave wash over me. Today after dropping you off at the airport I drove home listening to music I haven't played since last December, and again I felt the wave. It was a wave of love, warm and wonderful and magical. It pulled me under and enveloped me in the most intense feeling of love, for you.

I haven't felt that kind of overwhelming love for you in quite some time. That's not to say I haven't been loving you, but somehow the intensity had begun to fade, and despite my missing it, I couldn't manage to bring it back. Until last night, your back to me, I reached out to stroke your shoulder and you moaned softly.

I do love you, more than words can say. I love you more than life. And I want this marriage to work, I want that more than I've ever wanted anything. But I'm still afraid of being hurt, of being betrayed. Please don't betray me, don't hurt me. Just love me.

Confession #890

I resent the fact that I am in charge of all Target trips and groceries and when we run out of money tell me "DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!" As though that is even a possibility.



I resent the fact that I am responsible for buying milk, and noticing when we are running low. I resent that fact that when I ask you to pick it up, you just plain forget 50% of the time. AND YOU WORK IN GROCERY STORES. It never even occurs to you to check. Fucking slacker.



I resent the fact that I am responsible for all grocery shopping, all of our child's supplies, clothes, shoes diapers, and when I buy those things, and an occasional extra, you treat me like I AM IRRESPONSIBLE FOR SPENDING MONEY!!!!!!! I MAKE TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU DO!!!



I resent the fact that it is ALWAYS ASSUMED that I will figure out a way to pay for your credit card, which you MAX OUT EVERY TIME I PAY IT OFF!!!!!



I resent the fact that you are supposed to pay our bills, and at the end of the month that I get a commission check, every time I plan a little extra to buy myself something, you slip in that I need to pay a bill or two and I find out you have not paid A SINGLE BILL ALL MONTH LONG!!!! ARE YOU A DRUG ADDICT? WHERE DOES YOUR FUCKING MONEY GO?



I resent the fact that I waited 3 years for a new stove, and when we finally went out to get one because I could afford to pay cash, you decided we needed a new washer and dryer, which we bought that DAY. Now I have to figure out a way to pay off $2,400.00 in 2 months!!!!!



I resent the fact that you start home improvement projects with NO WAY OF FINANCING THEM, again, saddling me with the responsibility of figuring out how to pay for it. You charge things to Home Depot and guess who figures out a way to PAY!!!! ME!!!!!!



I resent the fact that I am responsible for ALL OF THIS, and you still treat me like a CHILD who needs to be met at the door every time I stay out past 10:00 p.m. with my friends!



I resent the fact that I am supposed to be responsible for all of this, and you freak out on me if I don't lavish you with praise for cleaning the house!!!!!



I resent the fact that you require kudos for every pet project around the house you do, while I am the default person for cooking, bathing, feeding, and dressing our child each and every day, making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, all after I have worked full time each day!


I resent the fact that you take a nap every fucking day while our daughter sleeps, and you still want to talk about how tired you are because of how hard you worked on your pet projects that day. I DON'T GET PET PROJECTS BECAUSE I AM TOO BUSY WORKING, COOKING, DRESSING AND FEEDING OUR CHILD!!!!!!

I don't want to have another child because the thought of raising 2 kids plus putting up with all your shit exhausts me. I know I would lose my mind because of all your head-fucking.



I RESENT THE FACT THAT YOU IMPLY I WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS I JUST CAN'T STAND TO LISTEN TO YOUR MARTYR SCHTICK ANY MORE WHEN I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED FROM WORKING TO PAY OFF YOUR SHIT!!!


I resent the fact that you have $300 shoes and I can't even afford 2 pairs of pants for work.

I RESENT THE FACT THAT I AM BEING USED FINANCIALLY, WHILE BEING TREATED LIKE I AM IRRESPONSIBLE., WHEN THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS YOU ARE THE IRRESPONSIBLE ONE AND YOU GET OFF ON TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!!!!

I resent the fact that you blame all our problems on me, while you are the one who refuses to go to marriage counseling.



I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SHIT!!!!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, #890, if he won't go do marriage counselling stat, I say, leave. Seriously. This man is not just ruining your finances; he is destroying your self-esteem. I know there is a child involved, but do you really want her father teaching her that women should be treated this way?

Anonymous said...

883 - this is about more than tits...do you want to be around somebody that objectifies women on a constant, daily basis? And doesn't do it with you, a real, live, willing partner? And asks your FRIENDS to show him their boobs??? Even if he IS drunk...no excuse.

Ugh. I hate this for you and for all women. We have so much pressure to be "open" and "cool" and "down with porn" that we don't even feel like we can stand up for ourselves when it crosses the line.

I don't know if you have kids (doesn't sound like it since the boobs are displayed everywhere) but if you are even thinking about having kids with this man, don't. Do you want a daughter to think this is the ideal to live up to? Or a son to continue the objectification?

This just disturbs me on so many levels. You deserve better. Screw him.

Anonymous said...

883 - i left my first husband because of porn. at first, i said we could watch it/look at it together. then it became 'just tell me before you rent a movie'. finally it was 'please don't hide it from me'. finally i realized he had a problem and it was not my responsibility to fix it. i should not have compromised over and over again. so i left him for it. his mother told me that his father had the same problem and she just had to decide if she loved him enough to live with it and couldn't i make that same choice. i did make my choice - i left.

mex said...

884

You're married. Remember? A sacred vow. Or so it used to be. You, (by your own words), have a Good Man. Forget what "could have been."

Count your blessings. Ask the "singles" for theeir opines.

Men want a purse or a nurse.


(Dsclaimer: both purses and nurses must be able to enjoy sex often- or at least be good actresses about it)


Mr.I.Am.So.Funny.That.I.Make.Milk.Spew.
From.Your.Nose will soon be Just another Old Fart who is telling, and retelling, and retelling the Same.Stories.

Trust me. I am One.Old.Fart.

SL

katie said...

883 what is going to happen when you have kids? You can't have all that porn lying around.

Anonymous said...

890

Man, that sounds just like my crappy ex-marriage. Now I look after my son and ME, and that's it! And it's awesome!

Lizzie Lou said...

Both 883 and 890 sound like my ex-husband. I did all the work around the house; all he did was download porn...gigabytes worth. When I first told him how I felt about it, that it made me feel like less of a woman, he agreed to trash his stash and not look at it again. Then I discovered his "secret" stash. He lied to me.

The bastard never admitted he had a problem, even that whole week he never went in to work, but stayed at home playing computer games and surfing porn. Meanwhile, I was working and cooking and doing housework and trying to keep myself from running screaming into the woods.

#883 and #890, you BOTH deserve so much better. If your dumbass spouses won't go into counseling to help fix things, kick their asses to the curb.

- Liz

Anonymous said...

#890, GET OUT. That is abuse. He's using you, and 1:31 is right; your daughter's going to learn that that kind of behavior is okay.

Anonymous said...

wow we got some anger today

Anonymous said...

#888, what were you trying to accomplish? I mean, you don't act like you're sorry for what you did for your HUSBAND, you act only like your sorry that the young guy rejected you and now, POOR PITIFUL you, you are alone.

You deserve to be alone. Get yourself some therapy before you fuck up another man's life or get herpes or something.

FireKatt7 said...

that seems closer to rage than anger

Anonymous said...

4:50, I think #888 was already separated from her husband when this affair happened. If that is the case then I don't think there is any reason to judge her so harshly. I would be embarassed too if I were in her shoes, but I don't think she did anything wrong.

Anonymous said...

Gee, I kinda agree with 4:50. I'm not specifically talking about 888, but these women who are cheaters are pathetic. Especially the ones that admit that they have great husbands. What a bunch of horseshit! You all deserve to lose 'em. I agree that you all deserve to be alone with your herpes!

Anonymous said...

12:11 - Do you really think the majority of people get herpes from doin' some prostitute or bar whore? Most get it from someone they love and weren't showing symptoms. You can shed virus for years without showing any symptoms.

Anonymous said...

To #890 and the others that leave long-winded rants...

LESS IS MORE.

Anonymous said...

890

Both of you went shopping, so how could you blame him for the $2400 debt to pay off in 2 months?

And he keeps maxing out his credit card and also not paying bills? Have you thought about not paying off his card and doing the household bills yourself so that you know they are taken care of? Don't get me wrong, this guy sounds like a complete loser and your marriage a hell, but if you are honest with yourself, you are enabling this behavior and laying blame on him for things you have allowed to repeatedly happen.

Leave. You will be healthier for it. He probably treats you like that because you allow it. Tell him to kiss your ass, and walk out that door. Sounds like you'd be better off anyway.

Maybe you could get one of those nice hubbies that a few other the other women are screwing around on. Obviously they don't want them.

Seriously, people. Dang.

Anonymous said...

8:53 here, I think 4:50 was definately speaking to #888 and I think she was too harsh. Since I always post anonymously,(like most of us)you wouldn't know it, but I have come down pretty hard on the cheaters in the past. It looks to me like #888 was already separated from her husband when she slept with this other guy. I don't consider that cheating. 4:50 may have meant her comments for all cheaters, I don't really know about that, but she directed them to #888 and no one else. If 4:50 had directed her comments to some of the cheaters yesterday I would have backed her up 100%.

Anonymous said...

Get a life 1:04. The point of my comment was not herpes. sheesh! And I DO KNOW a girl who got herpes from a fling, so IT CAN happen. Besides I was being facetious, calm down.

Anonymous said...

Cheaters Suck! Period. The. End.

Anonymous said...

Really 1:04, talk about changing the subject. Let's all chant, "Cheaters suck, Cheaters suck, Cheaters suck, Cheaters suck headcheese!"

Anonymous said...

I fucking LOVE this site!!!!

Anonymous said...

#882 - Are you WTF? Where did you go? Miss your blog.

TG said...

OK, I know everyone seems to be picking on #888 but I just have to say.... that post cracked me up! 'An affair with a younger man.' 'Rejection because he is with someone his same age.'' She feels every minute of her.......28years."....Haaaaa!!!!! PUH-LEEZE! I thought for sure when I started reading that it was a Demi/Ashton senario then I saw '28 years old'! I know staring over in the dating world sucks but YOU ARE NOT OLD!!!How many years younger was he 7? Heck, my husband is 14 years older than me and this past weekend I had a 23 and 22 year old hitting on me (I am 40)! Don't let the numbers get you down sweetie! Enjoy life but use protection! And I have to ask, would you have been any less embarrased if he was the same age, you propositioned him and he turned you down because he had a date the same age? I think not. It would be embarrassing at any age but hey, that's what makes life so interesting!

Anonymous said...

28! Yeah that is funnier than shit. If you feel old at 28 then you are in for one hell of a ride honey.

Anonymous said...

888 - I am in my mid 30's, and juggling a couple of guys in their mid 20's. Believe me when I say that it isn't all men, just this one. There are tons of sweet, good looking guys who are interested - I swear to you. The benefit? You know better than to "fall in love" after one encounter.

Brush yourself off, sweetie. Women get so much better in bed as they mature that you will be smacking them off with a stick.

At least that is what my 20 somethings tell me.

Anonymous said...

#890, why are you still there? I don't blame you for being angry at yourself. I'm angry just reading what you wrote.

Honestly, would your life be worse if he weren't there? I don't think so.

Anonymous said...

2:35 ... wouldn't be so bad if I had sex. But I don't . The man's 22 years old and even if I initiate it ... he's tired or doesn't feel good or is attached to his online poker game. He is admittedly a good man, when he's coherent. That's the problem. That's why I'm having issues with this. It's nice to have someone around who actively enjoys your company and wants to go out and do things, ANYTHING ... just wish I could get him to listen to me when I tell him that's what I need. #884

Anonymous said...

Maybe he's gay. Because honey a 22 year shouldn't be passing up pussy.

# 884 said...

I almost wish that were the case. I mean, at least that way it wouldn't be me. God knows when I go out there are guys who hit on me, but I'm with him. It's flattering but I will always go home to him. It's eternally frustrating to be loyal to a man who doesn't notice you.

12:49 A.M. said...

I can actually relate to you. Before I met my husband I dated a guy who was the same way. We had sex twice in the 14 months we lived together and it was just baffling. Why, why, why did I stay so long with someone like that. Now I know it was HIM and not me. I ended up walking away from that and I'm glad I did. I couldn't imagine what it would be like for the last 16 years if I was still with him. I mean even the most basic human touch or interaction was like something foreign to him. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.