Friday, October 13, 2006

True Wife Confessions 93 by Victor Hugo

Confession #921

Dear B:

You know I love and respect you with all my heart but I feel extremely
disrespected by your friends and your failure to speak up when the question
is asked concerning our 4 kids "How could I do that to you?" If my memory
serves me correct it's what you were doing to me when I conceived. We made
these kids together so I did nothing to you. I know you love our kids and
take it jokingly when the question is asked, but I am so tired of it now and
I know you recognize it. Be a man and speak up or I will. And I know you
don’t want ME to do that. Now do you?

Another thing, I know you feel that it's your calling to mentor and help the
disadvantaged young men that you come in contract with, but must you invite
them all to dinner at our house. I love what you do for these young men and
how you are trying to make a difference in their lives, but babe it's
starting to wear on me. With no prior notice to me you invite them over and
I am the one left to cook more food and make last minute accommodations. I
have asked you to take them out to eat sometimes. Trust I will not feel
neglected or left out. I understand you try to show them how a family
functions but a boys' only dinner at a decent restaurant every so often will
truly be a load off of my back. I don't want to do anything to discourage
your efforts or make anyone feel unwelcome but you know we do have 4 kids.

Confession #922

904 is back. Thank you, TWC, for giving me somewhere to clear my head and
spill my feelings. I spoke to my husband after I saw how sad and pathetic
and needy I looked in my confession, and we talked about everything I was
feeling.Things aren't perfect, but they are better. He say he will try
harder to give me more of what I need, and I will try harder to remember
that everyone loves in a different way...and even though he shows his love
differently than I do (or would like) he still loves me.

Confession #923

The other night when I tossed the address book your way, it was supposed to be a reminder to put it away when you're finished. I didn't mean to throw it hard enough to make the pages spill everywhere and for that I'm sorry. But when you put it back together in the half-assed way that you did, it's just teaching our kids (who were both watching you, by the way) that it's okay to not do your best. It's no wonder why are having a hard time getting our oldest son to get motivated about pretty much anything. At his age, you're his hero and he wants to do everything like you do, so buck up and do your best. I know you've got it in you, I've seen it. Just let it out at home once in a while like you do at work every day.

Confession #924

I am so very tired of being told every day that I do not do anything. I work full time, take care of the child, the pets, the housework, the yard work and run almost all of the errands. You work full time. That is about it. I know that I do not bring in most of the income, but that is no reason to treat me like your personal assistant. If you want things done, please take care of them yourself. You are an adult, start acting like it. I am not your mother, I am not your maid, and I am definitely not your slave. I am not going to kill myself with work for the rest of my life in a futile attempt to make you happy. I know that no matter how much I do you will always find something to pick at. I can have all the laundry done but you will complain that the living room needs to be picked up. I can pick up around the house and you will complain that I should have cut the grass instead. There is no pleasing you and I am not going to even try anymore. So, if you want a Martha Stewart clean house, I suggest that you tear yourself away from your online gaming, get a scrub brush, get down on your knees and do it yourself. This is not the 50's, I am not June Cleaver and you are not Ward. Housework is no longer the sole responsibility of the woman. Welcome to the 21st century. You can either deal with it, or get out.

Confession #925

As I read confessions from other women, it makes me realize even more how lucky I am. Not a day goes by that you don't treat me with love and respect. After almost five years my heart still races when I know you're coming home. My body fits perfectly into yours when we sleep. Some of my favorite moments are snuggled on the couch doing nothing with you.

You were there for me when my mom got sick and held my hand through my depression that followed. That means the world to me.

You tell me that I'm the woman of your dreams. That we are meant to be. I can't wait to one day be your wife.

Thank you. Thank you for being such a wonderful man.

I love you with my whole heart.

Confession #926

I like living by myself and I'm not sure I want to marry you. We've made plans to get married and I've been waiting patiently, but I'm not sure I want to now. Plus, another reason I don't want to marry you is because I can't stand your crazy ass family. They are a bunch of alcoholics and your mom grabs my boobs. I want to punch her when she does that.

Confession #927

Waking up with your erection in my ass is hardly foreplay. Yes, occasionally I like quickies too, but every time is a bit much. AND while I am talking about it, constantly wanting to fuck me from behind? I like the position as much as the next girl, but variety is welcome. Plus it kind of makes me feel irrelevant to the whole act. You could be fucking anyone.

Confession #928

to the girl in the next cubicle:
Please blow your nose. It's gross that you sit there all day, sniffing that same snot up your nose. You're a pretty girl, have a nice personality, but your manners are atrocious. No wonder you are still desperate and single at your age.
Get some tissue. Oh, and wash your hands every time you use the bathroom. We've all seen you leave there without doing it.
You mom would be embarrassed.

Confession #929

Today I met a man who kissed me like I should be kissed. All the pecks you give me? All the half assed kisses? All the avoidance of kissing during sex?

It isn't me - it's you. This man lit me up inside with a kiss. Nothing more.

I do not plan to divorce you, but I do plan to sleep with this man. I deserve to feel beautiful. I deserve to feel desired and regardless of what you say to me, your actions never tell me this. I've asked and asked, and things never change.

I take responsibility for breaking my vow of fidelity to you in our marriage - but even a plant needs some sunlight, and I have been in the dark too long.

Confession #930

To my Ex-Husband:

I hate you more than I thought it possible to hate anyone. Over the course of 13 years you destroyed my self-esteem, my self-worth, and as a result, my career.

When I finally got up the strength to leave your lying, narcissistic ass, you started with the games-playing. First the "oh-please-don't-do-this-come-home," and when I stood my ground, you got nasty. You turned what should have been a cut-and-dried divorce into a year of hell, and all to get back at me. You hid money from the attorneys. You insulted and belittled me. You neglected our cats until they both had to be euthanized. I will NEVER, EVER forgive you for that.

And all through this, you never once accepted any of the blame for your actions. You never acknowledged that your drinking, pot smoking, and porn addiction - and your lying about it - undermined our relationship. That you might have been wrong to insist that we build that half-a-million dollar house, never mind that we couldn't afford it, but because you wanted it so badly...then all of a sudden you didn't want to work to pay for it, leaving me to work whatever second and third jobs I could find and still scramble to find ways to pay the bills each month. You didn't care - you already had what you wanted. I was just your accountant, maid, personal shopper, laundress, cook, pet sitter, and whore (oh, and BTW, you 15-second wonder...I *hated* having sex with you!!!!!).

And as the icing on the cake, you had the absolute GALL to go around to our friends, even to MY friends, and sweet-talk them, cry on their shoulders, and do your best to convince them that you're not really a bad guy - that this mess was all *my* fault, and I'm the one who's screwed up. It took me a long time to realize that the ones who believed you, and turned their backs on me, were never my friends in the first place.

You're a prick. You're a whiny, weenie, backstabbing, addiction-riddled, selfish, self-obsessed, narcissistic momma's boy who will NEVER be happy. And if you think you can get away with stalking me, guess again. I'll have you thrown in jail so fast your head will spin.

Get out of my life, you worthless LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

922/904 - I sure hope it works out for you. If your husband is a good father I want to believe that he is capable of loving you too and being a good husband. Positive thinking doesn't solve it all, but I believe a good man sometimes just needs to realize what he has. And it seems he has a good wife.

Anonymous said...

922/904 - I'm anonymous from the original post (who is going through a similar issue). Thank you for updating. I am so glad things are looking up for you!

Take care.

Anonymous said...


What the hell? Did I write that in my sleep? Did my ex-husband have a second wife stashed away the 13 years we were married? Because that guy sounds a lot like my asshole of an ex-husband.
I totally feel for you, as I've been in the trenches, too.
Someone should start an on-line support group. "Asshole Husband Survivors."

Anonymous said...

Thanx 12:10 and 12:25.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! I think I might be the hidden third wife of the asshole ex-husband!

It's like you read my mind and put all my words in that blog. Amazing.

It's good to know that I'm not the only woman in the world who openly wishes harm (i.e. death) to her ex.

Seriousely, an on-line support group for surviving a marriage to assholes is much needed.

Anonymous said...

Hi, put me in that support group, too!

See, this is what happens when a mother doesn't raise her son properly. I wonder what the mothers of your guys were like?

His worshipped him, never let him do anything for himself, taught him the world owed him everything, never punished him for wrong actions, never taught him to be polite or respectful to women. Always gave him money and never told him to get a job to earn money. He was her golden boy who got away with everything.

His dad was a redneck a-hole who thought a woman's place was the kitchen or on top of him in the bedroom. Preferably a mute woman with zero opinions or brain cells.

How could I have fallen for a man raised by such idiots?

Best not to beat myself up. Lucky us, ladies. We escaped and moved on and hopefully your lives are better for it!

Anonymous said...


Holy shit, you totally just described my in-laws!

Someone really SHOULD start an on-line group. Sometimes it really helps to vent. And we could have "my ex is worse than yours" contests.


Anonymous said...

#930 here -

Thanks, ladies, for your support. While I'm sorry that you had to endure the same hell I did, I'm glad that we all GOT OUT!

What frightens me most is that there are so many lying, narcissistic, abusive assholes like our exes out there....

- Liz

Anonymous said...

Does anyone hear have the know-how to start such a site? For months I have wanted to start a blog to share my divorce story (it really is quite entertaining, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried) and be able to get feedback/help/support/advice from other women in my situation.

Anonymous said...

Hey 923? You know what's worse than your husband doing a half assed job of putting the pages back together? how about YOU teaching your kids it's okay to throw things? That right there is even worse than a half asked job. You didn't mean to throw it that hard? Well you did. With your kids watching. Take a look at yourself too.

Anonymous said...

929 divorce your husband instead of cheating on him. People like you disgust me. Do vows mean ANYTHING to ANYONE anymore? If you respect your husband or your marriage? Get some therapy and/or a divorce.

Anonymous said...

#924 - I have been there, too. Nothing was good enough. I was in school full-time, working almost full-time, did ALL the housework, ALL the cooking, ALL the finances, took care of the animals including walks every single day, dealt with any kind of repairmen/carpet cleaners, made all the reservations and bought all the tickets for everything we did...and it was never enough. Things weren't done well enough, I wasn't sexy or well-dressed enough, I didn't plan romantic evenings so he wasn't in the mood...

So I took the gradual route out. I quit cleaning his bathroom. Then I quit cleaning much. Then I stopped cooking for him. Stopped filing. And then I finally moved my ass out.

God I am glad to be rid of his laziness (he slept ALL the time) and his complaining.

Anonymous said...

Hey 9:30 Anon,

I'm 929. I've had/am in therapy and don't want a divorce, so fuck you.

Walk a decade in my shoes before you tell me how much I disgust you.

Jaelithe said...

#930, your ex-husband sounds like what my ex-fiance would have been like as an ex-husband if I'd actually married him. Thank heaven I didn't!

(He killed one of our pets through deliberate neglect after we broke up, too . . .)

I hope you can get your life put back together soon . . .

Anonymous said...

#923, I agree with 9:27 completely and would like to add that expecting someone else to clean up a mess that YOU made is also worse than not putting an address book together properly. If you wanted to set a good example for your children you should have apologized to your husband for throwing the book, picked it up yourself and put it back together yourself. I think he deserves credit for the fact that he picked it up at all. If my husband had done that to me I wouldn't have touched that book.

Anonymous said...

929 - I'm glad you're in therapy, but isn't it helping? You can't have it both don't want to get divorced, but you want to have sex with somebody else. THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

I'm not saying you DON'T need to feel beautiful and maybe your husband DOES neglect you. First of all, as I'm sure you know from therapy, you need to find your beauty in yourself. Second, why would you NOT want a divorce if he ignores you so badly?

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with 9:27 and 12:25.

You throw a book, and then get mad at your husband and accuse him of being a bad influence because he does not clean it up properly.

How about your influence?? Do you want to teach your kids to throw things/be violent/ be destructive when they are angry?? Do you want to teach them to expect someone else to clean up their messes.

I too am impressed that your husband cleaned up the book AT ALL.

I am not saying he doesn't have problems...but in this instance, the problem is quite clearly you.

Anonymous said...


How about the ex wives send their reasons for divorce to this site? I think there's many women reading this who might find inspiration in hearing how some of us got out and have a much better life because we made that move.

Anonymous said...

To those of you who've said your exes deliberately killed your pets through neglect: my heart breaks for you. What a horrible, cruel, passive-aggressive way to get back at you. I am so, so sorry.

Anonymous said...

hey - 929 - just wanted to say that, i can relate to how you feel. however, just remember that the 'one time' most often leads to 'many more times' (if it's good!) may develop feelings for the guy and before you know it - your'e having an affair.
from my experience of doing the EXACT above - if ur gonna do it anyway, then do it ONCE and no matter how good - walk away. or, don't do it at all!
don't want to see you get in the situation i am in now. i wish i never did it, even the once.
good luck tho