Monday, October 23, 2006

True Wife Confessions 101 Dalmations

Confession #1001

It makes me crazy that you don't put on your seatbelt until the
car is in motion. I have mentioned this to you many times, although
I don't want to fight about it. (We have fought about it in the
past, when I was waiting for you to put your seatbelt on so I could
drive, and you were waiting for the car to move to put your seatbelt
on.) You seem to make it into a "No one can tell me what to do!"
situation, and then it turns into a fight. Is is so difficult to put
the seatbelt on before putting the car in gear? When I've discussed
this with you before, you say it's a non-issue to you, so you'll put
the seatbelt on before the car is moving. And then you don't!
Now that we have a toddler who watches everything we do and
imitates it, it is more important than ever to set a good example.
And I am still mad at you for taking him out of his carseat while we
were on the highway. It was over a year ago and it is still a big deal.

Confession #1002

I am so tired of you claiming that you are the only one that cleans in this house. You don't. I have proof of this. While I was away with our toddler while he was in the hospital and my sister was there to watch the baby you did jack shit in the house. You didn't even have to go to work the entire time as your boss was nice enough to let you have time off. So while you were freed from the responsibility of caring for the baby and not visiting us at the hospital all the time what did you do? I can't say for sure but I bet your ass was at the computer desk playing some computer game. I had to wade through piles of junk in the upstairs hall way when I got home. The kitchen stank because you had not done the dishes in forever. All the kid's toys were scattered around the living room.

I married you knowing that you were a slob. I just had no idea that you could become a housework martyr with out actually doing any housecleaning. Shut up and quit demeaning the work that I do for this family.

Confession #1003

Sometimes, even though I don't really believe in fate or soulmates, I think you and I were meant to be together.

How else would can it be explained that the two people on the planet with the most messed-up mothers ended up together?

I ask you.

Confession #1004

I can't believe you broke into and read my journal, used my private thoughts against me (when I never even DID anything), gave me hell and then turned around and tried to act like everything was OK because you knew what you did was wrong. As I've said a thousand times, everything is NOT OK. We are divorcing and there's nothing you can do to stop it. As I said the second you told me you'd read my journal -- I fucking hate you and never want to speak to you again. I'm already divorced in my heart. You did this. Hopefully you also read back far enough to where I used to love you more than anything before you fucked it all up. Loser.

Confession #1005

Why do you insist on leaving cups all over the damn house? Do you think the
cup fairy comes and picks them up? Because she doesn't. Instead, the damn
cat knocks over whatever you had left in the cup. And, dude. Cookies and
milk? What are you, 80?

Confession #1006

Take off your socks when we have sex. It's just weird to leave them on. Do
you have somewhere to go that you need them on? Because white tube socks
aren't exactly making me cream my jeans. Get naked already. All the way
naked.

Confession #1007

No, you didn't cheat. But what you did do involved the same sort of trust
issues as cheating. Do I worry about you cheating now? No. Do I think you
have it in you? Yup.

Confession #1008

If I sneak a piece of cheesecake, then don't give me that look. I'm the one
who had to deal with fertility treatments, pregnancy, labor, recovery, and
now a no-dairy diet while I nurse our baby and if I want to sneak a piece of
cheesecake once in three months, then look the other way. I know the baby
is going to spit up a little, but he's not going to die. He's not allergic
to milk, he just has a sensitive tummy. So stick your eyeballs back into
your head - and be grateful that you didn't have to give up comfortable
sleeping positions, bodily functions, drinking, smoking, or orgasms (because
you got ALL of those during and after the pregnancy).

Confession #1009


Yes, we get into bed every night. Yes, I do make the bed every morning.
Yes, you complain every morning that we are just going to get into bed again
that night. After almost a decade together, dearest, you must have figured
out that you have to do things just to make your wife happy. Having a made
bed is one of those things. It's not like I make you make up the bed after
all. So shut the hell up.

Confession #1010

Leaving the laundry in the dryer for days and then piling it on the dresser
does not constitute "doing the laundry." You do the laundry by putting it
in the washer; then, 30 minutes later, you put it in the dryer. After an
hour, you take it out, fold it, and put it away. In a drawer. Or two.
Thank god you are only responsible for your own laundry.

26 comments:

mean girls said...

1009- Tell your husabnd this.....I make the bed because we use it. It's called cleaning. Maybe you should not wipe your ass after you shit, your only gonna take another shit.

Anonymous said...

#1004 what is UP with these men reading the diaries? My ex-husband sat down one day and read my diaries from when I was in high school and then tried to make a big deal about them. I didn't even KNOW you then and the worst I did was say a guy was hot. Losers!

Anonymous said...

#1006 - Your confession made me laugh because it is so typical. Hey, at least they are white tube socks. Black socks are even less sexy on a naked man. That is what I am dealing with.

Anonymous said...

#1001- My husband starts driving all the time before I've had time to put my own seatbelt on. It drives me nuts.

I wouldn't worry too much about the kid, though-- your toddler is probably more apt to follow your example, as long as you make a point of clearly demonstrating to your child what the proper safety procedures are.

Maybe you should tell your husband you know it's a one in a million chance he'll get hurt by waiting a minute to put the belt on, but you love him too much to take even a one in a million chance that he might be hurt. That should him up, right? Hard to argue with that.

Anonymous said...

#1007

Been there. I'll never look at him the same again.

Anonymous said...

1004: i so completely understand. my ex fiancee read my journal and had the nerve to throw it in my face....dumbass....at that very moment i hated him, lost every bit of feeling i had towards him. It was such a violation. i'm glad it happened before i married him!

Anonymous said...

1007 and 2:38

Ditto.

Anonymous said...

11:07 -- I'm so totally using that.

Anonymous said...

1010 - Oh my God, for a second I thought this was MY journal! No, I do not want to iron 12 t-shirts before wearing them. No, hanging them up 4 days later does not get the wrinkles out by the time you wear them. No, I am not going to wash them again to get the wrinkles out. Jeeze! That's not doing laundry, that's just moving clothes around! I feel your pain on the laundry issue sweetie!!

Anonymous said...

Is your husband reading your journal really enough to leave him over?

To me, it seems like an issue that could be resolved with counseling at least.

Anonymous said...

1004 here in reply to 4:15 -- no it's not the reason, nor did i say it was. it's something he did after things started getting really bad. we were already separated. i was willing to work things out before then, but the trust has diminished because of this and many other things. i'd state the reason, but it's really none of your business. i know it's right.

Anonymous said...

Oh holy cow, 1006, that's JUST what I hate...I told my husband that if he ever did that one (an ex lover did it all the time), I'd stop having sex for a month because I'd be THAT turned off. UG! Why the socks and the rest of the clothes are off? I still don't get it.

Anonymous said...

Having recently acquired a new lover, I laid the law down about the socks.

Looked him straight in the eye and said
"Why do men do this? It makes you look ridiculous - Take those things OFF!"

and he did. I suspect I will never see the socks again.

Anonymous Law Student said...

1001: Here's a good question, if your husband is wearing a seatbelt, why do you even care? It seems to me that you're the one in the wrong here.

You have to pick your battles. Move on.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, people! I wear socks. My feet get cold. My husband doesn't care. He's not that concerned with my feet.

Anonymous said...

9:31 socks on girls= kinda sexy
sex on boys= zero sex .

Anonymous said...

I meant sox on boys=Zero sexy....

Sorry!

Anonymous said...

#1004

Is it just me or does this sound like a fight a brother and sister would have when they were 12 and 14 and not a fight a husband and wife have?

What's next? A divorce because he listened to one of your CDs and didn't put it back?

Anonymous said...

6:57, While I agree that it is probably not worth divorcing over on its own, I don't understand how you can trivialize such a gross betrayal of trust. I doubt 1004 is writing about her favorite boy band or which girl in her homeroom class has a new pair of jeans. She is an adult and so is her husband. Writing in journals is a valid and valuable theraputic tool and the privacy of this exercise is one of the most important aspects of it. Everyone has the right to the privacy of their own thoughts and someone who would invade that privacy for their own gain or entertainment clearly has problems of their own. If you really think it is no worse than listening to a CD and not putting it back then you are probably the kind of person who would read someone elses journal and that is just not cool on soooo many levels.

Nicole said...

9:31-When you have children, everything changes. He should be putting it on before the car is moving PURELY because the child is watching EVERY move he makes.

When it comes to safety, you canNOT pick your battles dealing with children.

Anonymous said...

A man I went to high school with was killed in a car crash a few years ago, along with his wife and one of their children. Their other two children were in the car and survived with only minor injuries. The child who died was killed when the impact of the crash sent his unbelted father into the back seat. He was crushed to death. How easy is it to get distracted and forget to put on your seatbelt after you start moving? How important is it to teach children about safety? I agree with 6:18, this is not an area for compromise.

Anonymous said...

1004 here again. Thank you, 8:24, for saying that. You hit the nail on the head. I think I might quit reading this site all together (and definitely will not be sending in any more confessions) because of the rude, judgmental, self righteous, and generally unsupportive comments I've been seeing lately. A short paragraph "confession" hardly tells the whole story. I could easily write over 3000 words in attempt to explain the story of why my husband and I are divorcing. But that's not the point. The purpose here is to get things off your chest anonymously. Having some stranger step in to spout some clever attempt to put you down seems like something a 12 or 14 year old would do.

Anonymous said...

9:31--1001 here. How am I in the wrong? Seatbelt use is the law in my state, as in most (all?) others. My concern is if he doesn't find convenient time to put the seatbelt on before we hit traffic (i.e., the end of the driveway), he'll be distracted from the road.
How am I in the wrong?

Anonymous Law Student said...

1001- You're in the wrong because you're treating your husband like a child. He's an adult. The way you wrote your piece, it sounds to me like he's putting on his seatbelt...just not the way you like it. He isn't under any obligation to do something so benign, the way you like it, just because it bugs you.

Anonymous said...

3:11-Do you not understand that when children are in the picture, it DOES matter HOW things are done. I'm sure 1001 isn't saying it to control him, she is saying it so he gets in the habit to do it the right way, so the children pick up on it. That's all she is saying.
Apparently, you don't have children, or you would understand that.

Anonymous said...

8:07 -- I *don't* have children, and I *do* understand that. I have a rule in my car: seatbelts on before the car moves. I've been perfectly happy to say "Either you put your seatbelt on or you get out. I'm not sitting here with you while you decide." I get that it's hard to enforce that when it's your husband and you've been married for years ... I wish she could, though.