Monday, August 21, 2006

True Wife Confessions 52 Pick Up

Confession #511

Sometimes I think I hate you, When we were first married I loved you more than anything. Everytime you yell at me,push me down, or insult me I love you less. I hate that you don't love me enough to stop hurting me. I hate that you treat me like that in front of our daughter. Our daughter is the only reason I'm still with you.

I look at other men and daydream that I am with them. I am waiting for a great man to ask me (with our daughter) to leave you so I can be with him. I feel like I will never escape, you will always be there questioning me, smothering me, making me hate you even more. I feel that I will never get the chance to feel in love with someone again.

Confession #512

When you cancelled out on my Birthday 3 years ago because of work, I lied and said it was okay. When you forgot last year, I lied and said it was okay. My birthday is the day after tomorrow and we have tickets and plans with friends...and you just left me a voice mail saying you had to back out.
For the past six months you have promised to come with me to my chemo and radiation treatments. You have never made it. I always tell you its okay. That I don't care.
Its not okay anymore. And I do care.
When I do decide to call you back I will be ending things with your selfish, lying, manipulative ass.

Confession #513

I did the right thing today. I told him no and walked away. I just couldn't bring myself to break your trust again like I used to. So, you should know I am faithful and today I did the hardest thing possible. I told him no and I was true to you. I love you. I loved him, but I love you. And I told him no.

Confession #514

When your oldest daughter from your first marriage flipped her car resulting in the death of your beautiful grand-daughter, I wished it was her that had died? I can't express enough how thankful I am that both your daughters have stopped contacting you... I love you honey but your kids don't deserve you.

Confession #515

I was going to do the "right" thing and stay with you until our son had grown up. But then I noticed that he was turning out just like you. Since there is no woman on this earth that deserves to put up with your emotional abuse and utter crap, I am leaving you. Not today, but very very soon. I could put up with a lousy husband, but not a lousy father. He deserves better than that.

Confession #516

I know my last name begins with E. I know that my deceased mother's first name begins with E.
But that E tattoo I bought myself for my birthday last year, stands for the greatest lover I ever had.
And "hE" still is.

Confession #517

You are my best friend. I love you with all my heart. I hate this war and the fact that you have to be there. Please be careful. I have to say something but I would never say it to you: I am so afraid that you will get killed out there. I am so lonely without you and knowing you are thousands of miles away and people are shooting at you and trying to kill you! I am so sick inside when I think of that! Please be safe. Please come home to me in one piece. Last time you went there, you got hurt pretty badly. I can't believe you went back, though I understand it's your duty. But hopefully, someday, it will be your duty to come home and make a beautiful family with America. I love you with all my heart. I am so grateful and so thankful for your service and your courage. But please, don't get killed. I need you.

Confession #518

I only married you because everyone told me not to.

Confession #519

Dear husband, tonight I got a tattoo. I know you think they are a waste of money but I wanted it. You are asleep in our bed as I write this. All my friends knew I was doing this.. I don't know how to tell you

Confession #520

When we met 11 years ago, you had no money, a shitty job, and a pile of credit card debt. But you were trying to get it together, and I spent three years helping you pay off the cards. We lived in a crummy place in a scary neighborhood, and slowly built a more comfortable life. We had kids, and I left work with your blessing. I guided our prematurely-born, disabled son through a maze of doctors and therapists for him to progress to a point where his disability is virtually undetectable. And now you are (again) bugging me to spend $5K that we don't have on a stupid third car that you want for a hobby? And you want to finance it??? Whatever happened to us living within our means? And now when I put my foot down about it, you act like a petulant 9-year-old and start suggesting I get a job so you can buy your toys? And then you mention that you wish you hadn't gotten married? Buddy, same here. You have no idea the line you have crossed, as you are out now with your buddies. I am here at home with the "D" word heavy on my mind.


Anonymous said...

511 - I feel for you, as I have been in a similar situation (no kids involved though). You have to know that his treatment of you will not improve on its own. In fact, it will get worse, much worse. You are not doing your daughter any favors by staying in an abusive relationship, in fact, you are teaching her that abuse is acceptable behaviour. The chances of her growing up and marrying the same kind of man are VERY good. You must teach her to respect and value herself by first respecting and valuing yourself and that means refusing to be anyone...but especially by someone who "LOVES" you.
Be safe.

SUEB0B said...

#511, meet #515. She knows what it's all about. You two should talk.

Anonymous said...

#517 - I will say a prayer tonight for your husband's safety. Thank you to you and him for all you do to preserve liberty and make the world safer.

Alex said...

511--leave! think of what your daughter is learning by you staying!

and 518 made me laugh out loud.

Anonymous said...

512, you deserve better. A decent man would take you to chemo. You are making the right choice.

Anonymous said...

517. I am you and you are me. My husband is the greatest person to walk into my life. I grew up in a home where I always thought I had to fight. After a first failed marriage, I thought I would never love someone and live 'happily ever after' and not have to fight for anything that I wanted. I met my husband after his first tour in Iraq and he just got home a week ago today from a second tour. I thought I would never make it a year without him but here he is. Every single time my phone would ring and it was the unit or I had an e-mail from them, I wanted to run as far away as I could. Be strong. We are trying for our first child. I hope my children become as proud of their father as I am.

Anonymous said...

Go, and go now... do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your daughter. The fact of the matter is, a "great man" will not get involved with a married woman, abused or not. Until you are free of this abuser? You are waiting for Prince Charming in vain.

Do what you have to, but LEAVE... you may feel like you want to die for a while... but it is when your life will start.

If you cannot do this for yourself... do it for your daughter. Every insult she hears him cast on you will echo in HER heart and mind. Every shove pushes her lower that you can imagine. Your tacit approval of this kind of "love" will cement it FOREVER.

Anonymous said...

517- thank you & your husband for all you sacrifice for our country. I will pray that your husband comes home safe and soon. I pray that you will have the strength you need to get through this time.

Anonymous said...

511 - I am echoing the same sentiments as those posts before me: LEAVE. Learn to love yourself enough to do it. Only then will you find someone who knows how to treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Staying in this horrible relationship is laying down a path of destructive behavior your daughter is learning from watching you and how you accept being treated. When she sees how mommy is treated she is learning that she should feel just as unworthy. Just try to imagine,when she is older and in the same boat as you are now, how heartbroken you will feel for her and her broken life. Show her how she is supposed to be treated by any man. DO IT AND SAVE HER LIFE.

Anonymous said...

512- This guy sounds more toxic than anything you may be undergoing radiation for. Leave him and improve the quality of you life. Good luck and be well.

Anonymous said...

514- Um, your post sounds a bit disturbing. I don't know the extent of your husband's relationship with his kids, but they are, bottom line, his KIDS. Children need their parents, regardless of age or situation. You don't sound like you are a parent only b/c I think you would be feeling differently, maybe not quite so cold and selfish.

Anonymous said...

I gotta agree with anon 2:44. I'm a stepmom and knowing how devastated my husband would be if something happened to his son(i would be equally devastated), I couldn't wish that. It does sound disturbing the way she puts it. I understand the challenges of being a stepparent, but bottom line is this was his child. I don't think you could be a mom either. I understand how horrible kids can be, so I gotta ask...don't you remember being a kid and how ungrateful you were at times to your parents? Maybe you are the one that doesn't deserve your husband.

Jaelithe said...

#517 - I hope he comes back soon.

Anonymous said...

517 - I'll pray for him to come home safe and I'll be voicing my prayer with my vote.

Anonymous said...

511 - get out and get out fast.

512 - I am so sorry he isn't there for you - during radiation treatments no less! please, please know that you deserve better.

513 - I have been you.

Anonymous said...

I am 517. Thank you for all your support. I love you all.