Wednesday, October 25, 2006

True Wife Confessions 103 Species of Crows

Confession #1021

I love you. I really, honestly, truly do. But . . .

The love I feel for you is no where near as strong as the love I feel for me ex. He and I started talking again. And if I'm given the chance, I will leave you for him.

I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair to you.

Confession #1022

If we all get sick with the same cold, how come you always, and I mean every
single time, get it the worst? For years I thought you were just sickly,
but now I think it's in your head. I got a cold and still took care of the
kids all through the night, leaving me with two hours of sleep, still went
to work the next day, hoping to come home to a nap only to have you hand
over the kids and go take one yourself? Because the full night's rest plus
two naps wasn't enough. And now, instead of sleep, I get to watch the kids
so you can do everything you didn't do while you were asleep? I was sick,
too, asshole. I can't help but think that you are just a big, lazy baby.
Suck it up.

Confession #1023

I am sorry I let myself go after having the baby. I hate being fat. I wish I had the sheer will power to be anorexic. When we met I was a size 4, now I'm 20W. It makes me insecure about our relationship and I take out my low self-esteem on you as a defense mechanism.

Confession #1024

I wish you were more ambitious. You are a great
father and husband, but I wish it was as
important to you as it is to me to build a secure
future for us and our children.

Confession #1025

When you fart in my close proximity it TOTALLY turns me off. Think before you fart, I would hate for you to injure yourself trying to squeeze one out just to piss me off. Other than that and the pissing on the floor in the bathroom, you are a keeper.

Confession #1026

I hate you.

I hate you more NOW than I did when I was married to you.

The only reason you are keeping us apart is because we are so much alike and you know it.

You are afraid that I might tell her all of the incredibly mean and malicious things you did to me while we were married and you know she'd leave your ass if she found out about them. And you can't STAND to be alone so you want to keep her as close to you and as far away from me as possible.

That's okay though.

She'll figure out what an ass you are and leave you and THEN???!!! you'll be the one crying instead of me.

Confession #1027

When I've had 4 hours of sleep, and there is still half an hour to go before I have to get out of bed and work harder than anyone I know including you (and you admit it), and you have woken me up to ask for sex, you're not going to like the answer. Stop doing it.

Confession #1028

Have you noticed that every small inconvenience or discomfort you cause me, real or imagined, costs you money? It's quite a nice arrangement, I think, and mutually beneficial. I don't nag. I shop.

Confession #1029

I know you still love her. That's okay. I still love him, too. We'll always keep some love for the people in our pasts and the people we imagined them to be.

But don't tell our friends how much you miss her. Don't ever bring her up to me again. Don't bring it up where it will get back around to me. I've never made you feel like you were my consolation prize. Am I yours?

She's a cunt, she's tried to break us up, she's intruded and inflamed. But that's not why I hate her. I hate her because you don't. I'd never known I was capable of such hate and murderous rage before. I wish she would die.

Confession #1030

When I am trying to sleep, for the love of god do not turn on the TV in the bedroom. I can't sleep when it is on and I do not want to hear a running commentary of what is happening. I get into bed at night to sleep, not to watch TV. If you want to watch it go in the other room. I did not even want it in the bedroom, but like with everything else you whined and pouted until I gave in because I was so sick of arguing with you. Every night I think about taking a pair of scissors and cutting off the cord so you can't use it. Some time after I am sleep deprived enough I might just do it.


Anonymous said...

#1023: Please don't wish for the willpower to be anorexia. Anorexia is horrible and all-consuming. It's not worth it. I promise. It breaks my heart when I hear people wishing they had the power to be anorexic, because I wish every day for the power not to do that to myself anymore.

You (and the child you produced) are more beautiful and worthwhile to your husband without a mental disorder, no matter what your weight.

Anonymous said...

I have gained a fairly significant amount weight since getting married as well. And I don't even have a pregnancy to contribute to that. It's a constant struggle, and many people don't realize how mentally straining it is...or how hard the weight can be to get off. Just remember that your husband loves you. You are still the person he married. Health is good to strive for, and in that regard losing weight may help you, but being a perpetual size 4 is not something to kill yourself over, which is exactly what could happen to you if you became anorexic.

Anonymous said...

1023: Now that you have recognized that YOU are unhappy with your weight, change it. DO NOT go overboard and become sick. Whether it is phsycally sick or mentally. Do not become bulimic, or anorexic. It kills so many more than we hear about.

I understand it is so hard to feel fat. I struggle with that daily myself. Don't let people tell you look fine, or that you are ok. If YOU don't feel ok, change it. And if your husband is a wonderful man (that I'm sure he is), he will support you in your weight loss.

Stay strong, hun.

Anonymous said...

#1028 - Holy Passive-Aggressive, Batman!

Anonymous said...

1023: I was a size 9 when I met my husband and am now a 20W like you. I hate how I look. I know how you feel, and I also know that anorexia won't solve your problem. I'm not anorexic, but I do have bulimic urges, and I fight them. There are so many healthier ways to lose the weight. I know how hard it is. Hell, I'm in the same exact boat. But please, at the very least tell your husband what you posted here. Maybe it will be easier for you to change your eating/exercising habits if you're a team instead of going it alone. It will also give him the chance to help you, or support you if you decide to speak to a professional about the thoughts you have of anorexia.

Anonymous said...

unfortunately, for me and most men, if you gain weight, we are less attracted to you...sorry, we are visual...reduce daily calories, exercise, lose weight....I am 47 years old, have a tested and verified slow metabolism for my gender and age, I am still am only 5 lbs over my college weight. Its hard to listen to women saying how hard it is...honestly, and without malice, how did you let yourself gain so much weight and then allow it to keep going? Talking about it wont get it done....yes its hard but its VERY doable...and its Doable to keep it a single man, I am not attracted to overweight women...or unhealthy skinny ones...go lose weight without puking and going overboard and see how much happier you are....and how much happier your husband is with you....

Anonymous said...

1023: I lost 35lbs on Nutrisystem in the last 3 months. The food's really good too.

Anonymous said...

why are guys commenting in here? get your own blog!

Anonymous said...

1027- What do you do for a living? (outta curiousity)

Anonymous said...

I am a woman who has gained 60 lbs since my son was born (he's two and a half). I don't know why I just keep gaining and gaining. It makes me sad everyday. We aren't even sleeping in the same bed anymore. I know my husband loves me to death, but I also know that he is getting less and less attractive to me. Yet, he always shows me love. anon 1:21, you are just saying what my hubby would say if only he wasn't so protective of my heart. I wish I had the willpower to change.

Anonymous said...

I'm 3:25, just above this one. Sorry my grammar is crappy!! HUBBY and I are not sleeping in the same bed and he is becoming less and less attractED to me. I should have proof read.

Anonymous said...

1:55, the men do have their own blog. No one ever sends in any confessions because everytime a man sends one in he is attacked by women. I don't have a problem with men posting here. I do not agree with 1:21. I don't think he understands why we gain weight and why it is so hard to loose it, but he was not insulting, just honest.

1:21, I went from a size 10 to a 22 during my marriage and my husband left me. If it were as easy for everyone as it is for you then everyone would be thin. Emotional and mental issues are at the root of most extreme weight gain. I would trade my depression and the medication that helps me feel better but makes it VERY difficult to loose weight for a slow metabolism any day.

Dawn said...

I'm a "kept her own name after marriage" gal too. My husband kew long before the ring was on my finger that I had no intention of changing my name - and I haven't. This is particularly handy in my career...and in my online life as a blogger. This way my name and my child's name aren't automatically associated.

Plus, I felt like I'd worked hard to make my professional identity.

So, Emily has two middle names
Emily Damali XXXXX XXXXX

She can use them as she sees fit later in life, but they are all in there - Boy or girl, that is the way it would have been.

Anonymous said...

I'm 1023. When I married a man who loved me for me, and not for my skinny body I didn't realize it would have such a negative effect on my health. For the first time since I could remember I didn't worry about the way I looked because I had found unconditional love. A man who loved me regardless of my jean size, and still does. I eat because I like food, and I cancelled my membership at the gym becuase we couldn't afford it and I knew he loved me anyway. But my self esteem is at an all time low, and sometimes I push him away because I don't believe he could still love me now like he did when I was 100 lbs thinner. Thanks for all your encouraging words of support, it really helps to know I am not the only one in this position.

Anonymous said...

That's bullshit about are not ALWAYS attacked. And what? They can't take it? Nobody ever posts or comments there because they are attacked by those who started the blog!

Anonymous said...

1:21 here, a man...I read this blog to learn...I want to hear the unedited truth of what women are really thinking...I DO NOT want to become the object of hate that many of these men have become.... one thing I have learned is that if you dont do your fair share of housework you are not likely to maintain the sexual attraction of the women you are with....I am not tidy by nature, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be keeping a nice living environment from now on...its not that hard and I want the women I am with to keep that attraction they have for me....this is one example of why I read this blog...

as far as the weight thing and perhaps other issues I do believe women, in general, spend to much time trying to understand things and not enough time acting....understanding will not make you thinner...eating less and exercising more will...and you can do that without ever knowing why you gained it in the first place...

I apperciate the reasonable replies and look forward to hearing what women are REALLY thinking...good or bad...

Anonymous said...

1023, I'm with you. I've gained about 50 pounds in the last two years. From a size 8, which I thought was perfect for me, to a size 16. It's terrible. I got so comfortable in my relationship, I finally found someone who loved me regardless of what the scale said. Then he left. And while I don't necessarily think I'm UNattaractive, the confidence I had 50 pounds ago just isn't there.

I've renewed my old gym membership and cut my calorie intake by 1/3. Baby steps. Even if it takes me three years to lose the weight, I'm going to do it the right way this time.

It's not about your appearance, losing weight should be something you do for you. Don't worry about other people. If they can't see beyond a few pounds, they aren't worth the time.

Anonymous said...

11:02 here. I am actual in biochemistry right now, and we are covering the topic of obesity. I take responsibility for my current weight--much of it came on after marriage because I was so relieved to eat normally again after dieting myself down 30 lbs. or so. However, lots of people forget that metabolism, heavily determined by genetics, is extremely variable from person to person.

For example, my husband and I have similiar schedules, but I get more exercise. We eat similiar things, but I eat less. He is underweight. I am overweight. His family is underweight. Mine is overweight. Despite the fact that on paper, I lead a healthier life, I am not losing weight unless I add more exercise. (I have begun to do that and have lost 20 lbs over the past year. I still should lose about 60 by the BMI guidelines.) But it is slow, and it is extremely hard. Especially when you are inundated with people telling you if you only lived healthy and exercised (which you alreay do), you would be fine. It's partially true, but everyone deals with different genetics and eating habits they were raised learning, which are also hard to fight against.

Anonymous said...

Ummmmmm. Okay, maybe ALWAYS is not right in the truest definition of the word, but there can't even be 20 confessions over there and AT LEAST half of them have negative and/or insulting comments. Sure, they can take it, but why would they want to? My point was that they do have their own blog and it is not nearly as supportive as this one is. Besides, women comment over there so why shouldn't men comment over here. As long as they behave themselves I am all for it. I still think 1:21 is missing the point, but he is providing insight into the way men think about this particular subject and that is useful information.

Anonymous said...

1027--Why do men do this? Have they not learned? When my husband does it, I don't want to have sex the next day, either. (I'm possessive about my sleep.) I'm curious; what do you do? I'm guessing you stay home with the kids, or you work in an ER.

Anonymous said...

why should the men need to behave in order to post.....half of the women don't and no one scolds them

Anonymous said...

I think True Husband Confessions would do better if the owner took her pic off the page. I think it's easier for men to confess to "someone" who is completely anonymous. That site isn't about her, so why is her pic up on the page? She doesn't even maintain the site very often.

Just an opinion.

Anonymous said...

I'm a guy.

A full figured/heavy/fat woman who is well dressed, well groomed, stylish, confident, upbeat, intelligent, with a big smile, who enjoys sex is far more attractive than a skinny woman who is bitchy, messy, and lacks confidence.

Really, it all comes down to confidence. Many flaws are overlooked when a woman is self assured, sexy, and loves herself.

We men hate it when we make a move on you, and you whine, "But I'm so fat." We're into you. We're hitting on you. We want to have sex with you. OBviously we are ok with how you look. Stop telling us how badly you look and own up to the fact that someone finds you hot as hell. We'd rather you just throw us on the bed and show us a good time than hear you whine about your body issues.

Stop pointing out the elephant in the room. You won't be magically thin overnight. Start working on the problems and accept what is happening and start working on loving yourself again. Strut around the room like you own the place. Act like you did when you were thin. THAT is sexy. Acting like a hot little girlfriend will keep our attention. Your husbands will love you more for that than shying away from them and always complaining about your weight.

You cannot lose weight until you like yourself enough to lose the weight. It has to start with a small step and that's the first one. Find something about yourself at this size to love.

Sorry if this offends the ladies, but that's how this guy thinks and you asked for our opinions.

Anonymous said...

9:53-I'm a woman. I'm a woman who still has 10 pounds to lose from the baby weight. I'm a woman who's husband has NEVER commented on how fat I was, and always commented on how hot and sexy I was/am.

You are so right, 9:53.

Anonymous said...

I have to totally agree about the THC website in all respects. She shouldn't have her picture there and she should leave the comments alone. Also, I went over there and there ARE men who comment. Women post here and get negative and insulting comments ALL the time, 8:39, and you don't see Dawn having a cow and reprimanding the commentors. That, my dear, is one of THC's problems. Commentors are run off because the blog admin. blasts you if you don't say really nice things to these guys. Who, I might add, don't deserve it when they bitch and sound like little pussies. Just like here on TWC, women bitch and moan and confess and sometimes they are not met by commentors with niceness. That is just the way it goes.

Anonymous said...

1:21/7:29--I think its great that you read this blog to learn! If everyone (men and women) went out of their ways to try to learn--we'd all be better off) I have a serious answer to your question, as to why we keep gaining. I gained 65 pounds during each pregnancy (3). After the first two, I got it off evenutally. After the third one, I couldn't. I literally COULD NOT exercise. I had two children under the age of 2. I could not afford the childcare (even for 1 hour a day) to work out. I couldn't put them in a stroller and go walking because there were 20 inches of snow on the ground. I was so exhausted from caring for 3 small kids, I couldn't do exercise tapes because when they were all asleep (almost never) I took the opportunity to sleep too! I couldn't work out after my husband got home from work because it was dinner/bath/bed time for everyone. They all wake up at different times through the night, so I am awake with them, getting them back to sleep, and just as my head hits the pillow, another is up! I wouldn't ask my husband to get up with them, because he gets up at 5am (God knows we can't afford for him to lose that job!) For meals, I have a hard time finding 30 minutes to cook, so I do whatever is fastest.
I am on Weight Watchers now. I have lost 50 pounds--but, my youngest is 2 years old. I am HONESTLY just now able to breathe for a few minutes. A new lady moved in next door, and we trade off babysitting so I can work out. When they are infants, it is just literally impossible to have the ability to work out. Not the time--that's relatively easy. It's the expense, since I don't have family around, and the HORRIBLE LACK OF SLEEP!!!
The good news is that my husband NEVER EVER EVER had an issue with my weight. (He is definitely impressed and complimentary now, but he never said bad stuff to me when I was a size 22W, and he still wanted to have sex.) Since this site is like a textbook for you, the one thing I would encourage you to do is if you are ever in the situation, try to find ways to help with the weight loss. (Don't be insulting) Just remember--moms almost always put EVERYONE before themselves. Their bodies physically give out before they have time to dedicate an hour to exercise. I realized when I started this workout plan that exercising is literally the only time a day that I do anything for myself. It is because I am physically unable to be doing something for someone else while I am lifting weights.
The greatest gift you could give a wife (or whoever) in my situation would be a memberhship to a gym that provides free childcare.
Sorry for rambling. It's just an issue close to my heart!

Anonymous said...

9:53--I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it! That is so freakin' awesome. I am printing it and putting it on my refrigerator as a daily reminder of how I SHOULD be thinking/acting. I am printing it and giving it to every woman I know for two reasons. 1--encouragement-there are men who are attracted to you, go find them. 2--You have to like yourself enough to lose weight for yourself!???? Dude--you should write a book. Seriously, I am inspired (a little ashamed of how much of myself I recognized in your post, but also inspired!!) See ya in 20 pounds!!